Wicked Games
by Hitchy
Summary: Renesmee is 16 and has moved to Alaska to attend University with Jake.  A mysterious visitor suddenly casts a dark shadow over them.  How Hard will Jake and Nessie have to fight to stay together?
1. Suffocated

**Chapter 1: Suffocated**

**Renesmee's POV**

I inhaled deeply as I set out on foot toward home, allowing the air to fill my lungs and clear my head of all the day's thoughts. I love the air here. It's so fresh and dry. Every time I inhale a cool, cleansing sensation that courses through my veins. Living here in Alaska is going to agree with me. I just know it. Maybe it's just my liberation talking. No longer living in a house full of overprotective, though well-intentioned vampires has definitely lifted my spirits. I almost feel normal.

No, not normal. Someone like me could never be considered normal. Vampire hybrids, (half-human, half vampire), well… we are the opposite of normal to just about everyone. We fit in nowhere. But here… at least here I can _breathe, _really breathe the cool, dry air that was nothing like the moist and suffocating air of Forks_._ No more overprotective, overly sensitive mother wondering what I'm up to all the time and getting quietly upset about not being included. No more _extremely intrusive, _mind reading father monitoring my every breath. No more Dr. Granddaddy Carlisle tending to my every sniffle. Just me. And Jacob. Of course it's always been me and Jacob, Jacob and I.

From the time I was born Jacob has been there for me. Every time I needed a play mate, a hunting partner or someone to play a game with, Jacob was there. He was there through my home-schooling, the tedium of learning all the things that humans had to put on paper so that other people would acknowledge their intelligence. He was there when I went to my first real play-date with the new neighbor's children in Forks, walking me over and chatting with the Carol's, like parents do when their children play. He was there for every one of my guitar lessons and performances. He and I went everywhere together, did everything together. We talked about everything and anything. We shopped, watched TV, read and experimented with cooking together.

More recently and most importantly though, he was there to support me when I took my entrance exam to the University of Juneau against my parent's will. And he was there to support me when I fought with them to let me go, let me come here to Alaska to go to school, make friends and, well, really, to get a life. No one needed that more than I did. Jacob was there to rally for me, against my family, knowing that I just _had_ to get out of Forks. I had to get away from all of the rules and pressure. I couldn't take it anymore.

My family doted on me like a princess and watched over me like hawks. Well, more like a coven of overprotective vampires to be exact. It was just so, so… suffocating. I had to breathe, and just be me, without all of the half-vampire craziness of my life getting in the way. I am half-human and I can interact and be with humans in a way the rest of my family never could. I could make friends, hang out, and be one of the crowd if I tried. I wasn't different enough from them to be suspected as anyone or anything unusual. I was never as fast, strong or solid as the rest of my family. My half-human genetic make-up blended my father and human mother's traits in a way that allowed me to have the best and worst of both worlds and choose between the two when I wanted to most of the time. I could easily keep pace with humans without having to worry about slipping up; it wasn't hard to control, most of the time. And Jacob, my best friend, and confidante had understood. For someone of a completely different species, he really "gets" me. Maybe it's because he knows more of what it's like to be half-human than my family does.

Jacob is a werewolf. Not the full moon, silver-bullet version of a werewolf you might see in movies or on TV. In reality he belongs to a Quileute tribe of shape shifters whose ancestors chose the form of werewolf to fight off and rid Quileute lands of the vampires that had come to prey upon their tribe. He lives in human form most of the time, only shifting into a wolf when there is danger near or if he gets angry to the point of losing control over his emotions. The emotions, anger, fear, protectiveness, they drive the change. So it makes sense that Jake knows more of what it's like to be me, easily shifting in and out of his normal human form to his supernatural. We are similar in so many ways. Both half-way human, both able to hide our mythical nature easily around humans, but not enough to put our families at ease with setting out on our own. No one wanted to see that. Jake had argued with his father Billy about moving away too. As the leader of his pack, Jake had certain responsibilities to take care of at home, and Billy felt he was neglecting those who needed him by leaving, even it was to take care of me.

I sighed with frustration as I thought about this, walking through the door to our little one-floor house. I set my book-bag down and wandered to the cozy kitchen with its bright yellow walls and mismatched appliances and furniture to start on supper. I threw my book bag and hoodie onto one of the chairs and got started. Spaghetti tonight. As I worked I felt the frustration work its way into a familiar anger. I flinched as I stirred the pasta sauce with a little too much zest and saw the splatters across the back of the stove and all over my shirt. Ugh, human food. It's always so messy, and bland. I hated the fact that we had to eat like this to keep up our charade. Our neighbours in this small town were welcoming, just too nosy. So we decided to "eat human" most of the time and hunt about once every two weeks. I hastily wiped off the mess and set a pot of water to boil knowing that Jacob would be home in about 20 minutes.

I couldn't believe it when my parents objected. I mean this was _Jacob._ Jacob, who was with me everyday, part of our family in almost every sense of the word. How could they possibly object to him accompanying me here? I knew a lot of the objection came from the fact that they didn't want me to leave Forks in the first place. I knew that part of it was that the Denali's would have been more than happy to take me in. But I couldn't live under their watchful eyes, reporting to my parents and the rest of my family in Forks about my every move. I had to just come here and be myself. Something that is not so easily done in a houseful of concerned and watchful vampires.

Something that _is_ easily done with Jacob. I mean, at 23 he's certainly old enough to live on his own. He knows how to look after bills and the house. He's been doing it all for Billy for years because he's wheelchair bound. I also know how much of the objection from my parents probably came from my father.

_Ugh_, his mind-reading, all-knowing ass was just getting on my nerves! How dare he even suggest that I might have other motives for wanting to move out and bring Jacob with me? He was fuming over me wanting to move out of Forks, but was he was livid when I suggested Jacob and I go together. It made sense for Jake to come with me. He is my best friend, and that's _all_ he is.

_Yes_, I thought wryly,_ that's all he is_. And no matter what I said or did to try and change that, it just wasn't happening. I wish my father would see that. He must know, although he's never said, the way I feel about Jacob. He can read every thought I have. And although I'm able to control my thoughts around him for the most part, there are times when my raging, half-human, teenage hormones would get the better of me, and I would slip. I mean, I _am _half-human after all, not completely made of stone like the rest of my family. Any girl with an ounce of blood flowing through her veins is bound to have her heart skip a beat or two at the sight of Jacob; tall, dark skinned, and 6 foot 7 with a hard, broad muscular physique showing up on their doorstep soaking wet in nothing but jeans and a black t-shirt. I opened the door that night just over a year ago and there he was… and I, for once, let him in wordlessly, without our customary hug or fist-bump, not wanting to know where my heart-beat or thoughts would go if I actually touched him at that moment with my father standing not 25 feet away.

I thought my father's eyes were going to pop right out of his head when he heard my heart fluttering faster than usual that first time while I could think of nothing else but wanting see more of Jacob and less of that wet t-shirt. He'd all but thrown me out of the room, demanding that I go see Aunt Alice for a fit on my new wardrobe. He wanted me to help her choose some new things for him while he and Jacob discussed treaty boundaries and the other vampire-werewolf issues that Jacob came over to re-arrange. The announcement of the new housing development on the edge of our treaty lands was forcing the tribe and the Cullen's to re-work some of their ancient boundaries to accommodate for our family's hunting while maintaining a safe distance from humans.

That night I could hear my father and my mother out on the stone bench in the cottage's garden, talking late into the night. As I drifted off to sleep I wondered what my mother could possibly say to him to make him see that there was nothing to worry about. She always supported me. Especially when it came to Jacob. She seemed to know how to deal with our bond in a way that my father couldn't. Not that he was even _trying_ to be reasonable about it. In the weeks and days before I left I had more rules and restrictions than ever, and they were increasingly involving my time with Jake.

But it was just _Jacob_, I'd thought at the time. Could I be… is it possible that I, after 5 and a half years of being with him every day as playmates, then the best of friends and now almost like brother and sister… could I be _falling_ for Jacob?

I shook my head and chuckled quietly to myself, my long bronze ringlets quivering all around me. The thought was almost silly. Almost. I knew about the fact that Jake was tied to me by a bond called "imprinting". Many of the Quileute tribe members had imprinted by that point. But the wolves and their other halves were all older when it happened, and they fell in love. I was just a baby at the time it happened for Jake and I, although he was in his late teens. I've grown up with him, and we've bonded, needing each other absolutely, but never in a romantic way.

That night, as I drifted off to sleep, I heard my mother say, in a slightly raised voice, with a persistence she hardly ever uses when speaking to him,

"Edward, it's _Jake_," patronizing him, while my father just sighed.

After a minute he responded with a simple and exasperated "Bella, she's only 15…."

And even through the thick weight and fog of sleep that was pushing on me, I could feel the unspoken significance in what he was saying. He thought I was a child.

I placed the now ready and steaming pasta noodles in the pot with the sauce, stirred thoughtfully, and replaced the lid. Jake would be home any minute now, so I ran upstairs to get changed out my splattered t-shirt and into a clean one. As I changed in front of my full-length mirror in my tiny room I took in my own reflection. It hadn't changed much recently. The growing had slowed to a crawl last year and would soon be stopping altogether. My tall, slender figure, pale skin and long-bronze ringlets were the first things everyone noticed about me.

I've been told that I'm beautiful to human eyes. I certainly have been receiving a fair bit of attention from the boys on campus. My brown eyes sparkled back at me as I considered this. Boys _liked_ me here. Not that they hadn't liked me at home in Forks, if they ever had the chance to see me. But here, I'm not Renesmee Cullen, sheltered, adopted, daughter of the young and reclusive Edward and Bella Cullen. Here I'm just Nessie. I felt a surge of hope at that thought. If the young men of Juneau thought I was attractive, if they saw something desirable in my slender hips and C cup breasts…then maybe Jacob could see me in a new light too. Maybe the change would affect Jacob too. This place, the people here, everyone thinks that I'm a young woman of 16, because of my body and level of intelligence and maturity. If the people of Juneau could see that, maybe Jake could too.

_Maybe_, I thought as I heard the door slam below… _maybe I could be to him, in his eyes, what he had definitely become to me over the last year_. I nervously smoothed my hair and said a silent thank you for the freak gene in my genetic make up that made my body temperature run at a steady 106 degrees. It allowed me to show a little skin during the freezing cold winter. My fitted tank top didn't leave me chilly in the slightest, and went well with my skinny jeans, showing off all the right curves.


	2. Girls Just Don't Get It

**Chapter 2: ** **Girls Just Don't Get It**

**RPOV**

I traipsed lightly down the stairs finding Jacob in the kitchen already setting out the plates for the pasta on the stove. A smile lit his face when he saw me approach, showing off his gleaming white teeth. He set our full plates down on the distressed paint of the cream colored table he pulled me in for a hug. My heart fluttered when he set his hands on my shoulders. I felt the soft, warm rush of tingling desire spread as he held me close and I could smell his woodsy skin and cotton t-shirt. I inhaled slowly and hugged him back shyly, knowing that if I hugged him the way my body wanted to right now, I would be crossing lines Jacob didn't know existed. He quickly released me and gave me a customary peck on the forehead, which was accompanied by another not-so-customary rush of warmth under my skin. I leaned in slightly wanting to savor it a bit, just as he pulled away.

"Smells great Ness!" He said as he sat and dug in with his fork.

I took my seat across from him and asked him how his day was. He told me that the University of Juneau was definitely different than being a senior on the res a few years ago, but he wasn't complaining. He chuckled darkly as he said that last part.

I slurped down my spaghetti without tasting it. Human food was a disgusting, but necessary, part of my compromise and effort to fit in here in Juneau. I waited for Jake to elaborate, but he didn't seem inclined to, so I asked what the chuckle was all about.

"You caught that did ya? Well, let's just say that micro-mini skirts weren't exactly popular when I was in high school, and the boys certainly don't mind seeing the girls walk around campus in them now!"

He snorted and then added wryly "Girls just don't get it, do they? They want their boys to love them for their hearts and minds, but they flaunt their bodies all over the place so that we can't think about anything else! I honestly thought Ethan was going to drool all over Amber and her tight top, short skirt combo today! You should have seen her trying to get his attention to _talk,_ when all _he_ wanted to do was stare up her skirt or down her shirt!" He laughed freely now. "Girls just have no idea how to get what they want."

I scowled darkly as I looked around and hastily covered my too tight, too low cut, tank top with the hoodie that I had shrugged off and left on the chair after school. I felt a sudden flash of annoyance with him. Since when did Jake suddenly become an expert on what girls want? As far as _I _could see he was clueless.

"Really," I replied hotly, "Well Jacob, since girls are doing it all wrong, perhaps you should enlighten us. Exactly _how_ do you propose we get the attention of horny young men without showing off a few of our 'assets' for them?"

I was sure that I was a bit flushed as I spat out the question. After all, he never seemed to pay attention to any of the girls enough to be an expert on this subject. But he was mostly human, and definitely 100% male, so how did a girl go about getting _his _attention? Obviously tight fitted tops and short skirts were not what he had in mind. I had to take a deep breath to calm myself, because his eyes narrowed a little bit before he answered me, suspicious about my sudden harsh outburst.

"Sorry Ness, are you friends with Amber or something? She really doesn't seem your type."

And he was right. Amber was a flirt, wanting anyone on campus that looked good and had a pulse. She had a reputation for dating guys just to say she could get them, then dumping them and moving on to her next conquest right away. The thing is though, Amber wasn't a slut. She never put out. Never let guys get anywhere past second base with her as far as I could tell. But she wanted to be desirable, and wanted guys to _want _to be with her. She had some serious daddy issues, having never had a father at home. He left for work one day when she was 3 and never returned. She was actually kind of nice, if you could put up with her incessant talk about boys and constant need to flirt with anyone in the vicinity.

"Well we're not best friends or anything, but she's nice enough. And I'm sure that she would love to hear how she can get the attention of any guy she wants without the micro-mini or the low-cut top in the freezing cold November weather." I cocked my left eyebrow at him and smirked, challenging him to prove her wrong for trying to lure a guy to her with his eyes.

Jake sat for a moment, quietly contemplating and oddly amused by my challenge. He chewed thoughtfully on a forkful of spaghetti. Just when I thought about giving up and changing the subject, he began to answer my question. I snapped my mouth shut and listened to whatever advice he was giving to Amber and, unknowingly, to me. He was always honest when we spoke together, knowing that I'd call him out if he wasn't. True friends could and should tell the truth whenever possible.

"You see Ness, Ethan, or any guy really, is bound to react to Amber's physical beauty." He paused, and my heart sank, right through my stomach and down to the floor. He thought Amber was beautiful. I pulled the zipper up on my hoodie, wanting to shrink into it and disappear. I was suddenly gripped with a feeling of despair that at the thought of him finding another girl to be beautiful.

_My Jacob_ thought that Amber was _beautiful_.

He barely knew her… and he has known me my whole life. I've been right here with him day by day. If he didn't think I was beautiful by now, I really didn't have any hope that he would. My growth had slowed to the point that I wouldn't be changing much more at all, _ever…_.

I looked down at my plate as he continued, feeling more and more desperate with every word that came out of his mouth.

"I mean, Amber's tall, she's got legs that go on for miles, she has curves in all the right places and a pretty face. She's certainly easy on the eyes, and no college freshman is going to ignore that." He paused again and looked at me while I stared at my skinny jeans, waiting for this to be over. I couldn't stand listening to this. I felt a pang of pain in my chest and my face redden with shame as I realized that he was speaking to me like a girl, a young girl who needed advice about how to stay away from horny boys who were only after one thing.

"But Nessie," he continued "the good guys, the really decent ones, wouldn't care about appearances. They would appreciate the girl for her mind, her heart and her beauty all at once. Eye-candy in the form of short skirts and tight tops wouldn't be enough to win their affection. Decent guys care enough about the girl they like to want her to show that beauty to _them_, but not flaunt it for everyone and their brother to see. The good ones care Nessie. They'll look at the 'Ambers', all guys look, but the good ones care enough to want their girl no matter what she's wearing."

He stopped then, as I met his eyes. He stared at me with an expression that could only be described as curiosity and smugness combined as I looked him with my own expression of desolation.

He chuckled and spoke again.

"Don't worry Ness, I've already seen your new micro-mini in the back of the closet and I won't stop you from wearing it. I just thought you should know that it really shouldn't matter either way." He got up then and cleared his plate before heading to the family room to sit on the couch and do homework.

Usually I would join him, and give him some help with math. But not tonight. As the tears welled up in my eyes, I cleared my own plate and headed for my room. I flopped down on my bed and cried big, fat silent tears into my pillow. _He thinks Amber is beautiful. She has legs that go on for miles and curves in all the right places._

The thoughts swarmed my mind as I cried. _Good guys don't care about appearances._ And suddenly, my beauty, which had seemed valuable this afternoon, meant nothing.

_The good ones care enough to want their girl no matter what she's wearing._

And then the crying turned into sobs as the desolation took over. If the good guys wanted their girl because they _cared_, as Jacob said, then there really was no hope. Because Jacob cared for me as much as anyone else in my life did. He had risked his life for me, when I was younger. He'd walk through fire for me. I knew that.

And yet he still didn't _want_ me. I was just like a little sister to him. Nothing else mattered. As a half-vampire I was unsuitable for almost all guys, but I didn't care. I didn't want any of them to want me. I suddenly didn't care at all about what the young men on campus thought of me. All I cared about was being wanted by the one person who would never think of me that way.

I sobbed to myself for a long while, feeling despair and pain like I never had before. At home I had always been wanted. My family always loved and wanted me around. My parents risked their lives and the lives of everyone they knew to have me. My mother almost died to have me.

Yet here I was, not 50 feet from the one person I had ever really _wanted_ to want me, and he was oblivious.


	3. Protector

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! I have also been posting on Twilighted and am up to chapter thirty something over there as of right now (for those of you reading this at a later date, this is being posted on Sept. 23****rd****, 2010). **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. I hope you like it, and please – review.**

**SM owns Twilight.**

**We get our first look at Jake's POV in this chapter. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 3: Protector**

**Chapter Song: I'll Stand by You ~ The Pretenders**

**Jacob's POV**

"Are you getting in, or did you decide to walk again?" I asked, irritated.

_Geez_ I thought as I looked over at her. It wasn't _that_ nice out here in Alaska. The last few days she couldn't seem to get enough of the "fresh air" out here. I couldn't figure her out lately. Ever since the other night when we ate spaghetti she's been acting weird. I realized something was up when she didn't join me to do homework like she always does.

I hadn't even thought to ask her about _her_ day at dinner that night, I was too damn focused on that silly little lecture about short skirts and tight tops and how they didn't matter. She is _such_ a teenager when it comes to that kind of thing. I mean, what was I supposed to say, _yeah the guys think it's great, why don't you try it out?_

She indicated that she wanted to walk, so I sighed and nodded in agreement before I drove away.

I chuckled again as I thought of that black micro-mini she hid in our shared closet. She probably figured I wouldn't find it or catch her going out of the house with it. I really don't think it matters if she does wear it though. I mean, she's got a great set of legs in jeans too, so what should the short skirt matter?

_STOP._ I told myself. You know that's not important, and besides, you promised Edward to look after her and keep away all the young boys with "impure thoughts" as he put it. It certainly wouldn't help the situation if I was paying attention to her long legs while trying to ward off anyone else who looked.

I shook my head and refocused. No big deal Jake. She's gorgeous, and anyone could see that. I just had to keep all of those young freshman posers from acting on it.

I knew she was upset but I had no idea what she was upset about. It was driving me crazy! I heard her crying in her room that night and figured she'd talk to me when she was ready, open up, like she always did.

I waited up, but she never came. She locked herself in her room and stayed in there all night, strumming a sad tune on her guitar after the tears stopped. I was beginning to get worried. She never kept anything from me. We've never had secrets.

As I drove I wondered about what Edward said to me the night before we left, as she slept. He warned me about her emotions and how they were becoming a bit erratic as she flew through teenage life. She was dealing with the usual rush of teenage hormones at an extremely accelerated pace. Well, I wasn't blind, anyone would see that. Her mood swings were getting harder and harder to predict and deal with. Although they never seemed to affect how she dealt with _m__e_ before. But these last few days made it clear that that was about to change.

Edward told me she might be unpredictable and was particularly concerned about the boys in Alaska and how she would handle their attention. I mean, it _was_ kind of a given that they would be taken with her. Her beauty is beyond that of any normal girl, it's surreal. It's not something obvious or forced. Her beautiful exterior is natural, pure and radiant. She has always been captivating, and Edward had no doubt that the boys here would want to spend a little time "getting to know" her.

I reassured him, letting him know that they would have to get through me first before taking her out anywhere to get acquainted, and then chuckled before I told him about how they would be wasting their time. Renesmee wasn't interested in boys. She'd even said it herself lately time and time again, how boys her age seemed to be lacking. She said she was much more interested in her studies than any of them.

Edward had merely smiled at that and made me promise to look after her any way. I nodded and hoped that I put his overprotective ass at ease. Believe me, if Renesmee was interested in boys, I would be the first to know. What I didn't add and tried very hard not to think about was the fact that when she was, there would be no need for him to worry about silly Alaskan college boys.

Anyway, it was a non-issue. She told me everything. That is up until 3 days ago she did. Hmmmmm…

These two thoughts together had me thinking… I knew there are at least 3 or 4 boys on the varsity football team that hung out in her group. A couple of weeks ago I had overheard them talking about Nessie in the locker room when they thought I wasn't listening. I shuddered when I thought about the crude way they described her body, sneering over what they would do with it. One of them, the prick with the blonde hair, even went so far as to say he had a "plan" for her and she didn't see what was coming but she was "gonna get it".

At this point, I walked around the corner making my presence known. I was bigger than all of them, and though they didn't know it, infinitely stronger and faster too. I crossed my arms over my chest, flexing my muscles and glowered at them.

Then I growled and snarled in the most menacing voice I could manage,

"Renesmee is _not_ some chick for you to add to your list of so-called conquests. _Back off_." And at the sight of those scrawny boys standing there with their knees shaking and mouths gaping open I turned and walked off. I was momentarily relieved that Nessie waited this long to try and get away from Forks. A year or so ago comments like that would have me shaking and wanting to phase into my wolf form so I could beat their sick, horny asses to a pulp. I was much better at controlling those urges now. I phased when I wanted or needed to. I hadn't "spontaneously combusted" in over a year.

I figured that I had chased those creeps off her tail. But what if I hadn't? What if they were pestering her and she didn't like it, but didn't know how to tell me that? What if she was trying to tell me that the other night? Maybe that was why she was so upset. She was being pestered by these posers and must figure that she was giving mixed signals by wearing tops like that tight-fitted, low-cut tank she had on the other day, and I had all but confirmed her suspicions that she was making them leer at her, just like that desperate girl Amber.

I told her that girls who dress that way always make guys look. She _was_ upset and even got angry with me a little. _Shit. _That was so stupid of me. And by the end of our conversation she had blushed and looked down, a little… ashamed maybe? Was she ashamed of herself for dressing in a way that might get the attention of those low-life freshman creeps? Ugh, those guys would ogle and drool over any girl who gave them the time of day. She had to know that she wasn't leading them on…

Come to think of it, she's been dressing very modestly the last few days since our little talk. Not a tight fitted or low cut top in sight. She's been wearing roomy sweaters, long enough to mask some of those long legs she has, by hanging down over her jeans. _Shit,_ and those pigs still won't leave her alone! This must be why she won't say anything.

She wanted to move out here to gain independence. She needed that space from her family and wanted to try to survive without being smothered by their concern and expectations. So she was trying to get my advice without seeming to, by asking questions about Amber, while still proving she could take care of herself. Geez, Ness, so stubborn…just like her mother.

The first thing I did when I got to school that day was hunt down Travis, Mark, Pete and Connor. Those were the four in the locker room that day. I followed them as I made my way to class and made plans to intercept them after school. I overheard them making plans to go up the street to Spike's Cafe for burger and fries. I'd have to be quick about it. Nessie sometimes went to Spike's with her group of girlfriends, and I didn't want her to see me scare these punks off. It would undermine her efforts to do this on her own.

I blew through my morning classes coming up with ways to scare the crap out of those jerks. As I made my way into calculus I saw Seth sitting in his usual place beside mine and got an idea. It would work, there was no way they would ignore a threat from the both of us.

"Morning." I said as I took my seat beside him. Seth just smiled and nodded then went back to staring across the room at Olivia. I sighed when I realized I wouldn't be able to get him on board with my plan until I heard all about last night first.

At first Seth was just coming with me to Alaska to help get me settled. He helped Nessie and I move in and stayed for a couple of days because the summer was coming to a close. He had to go back to school on the res in a couple of weeks. He was 18 and in his senior year so he wasn't exactly excited to head back. He lingered for an extra couple of days to help us unpack.

So I was very curious when, the Thursday before he was about to leave, he went to the corner store to get buns for our goodbye barbeque and didn't return for 2 hours. I set out on foot to look for him after an hour, figuring something was wrong. When I found him he was at Spike's staring, goofy-eyed at Olivia, absolutely absorbed as she described her job at the corner store. As soon I saw him I knew what had happened, and that our 'goodbye Seth' barbeque had just turned into a 'hello Olivia' barbeque.

Seth made the arrangements to stay in Alaska with us over the next few days, and although Sue and Leah, his mom and sister, were none too pleased that he would be so far away and living on his own, they understood that there was nothing they could do. Once a wolf imprints, it's for life. Olivia was here, and so then Seth would be too.

He got a job working nights at the local department store and rented an apartment less than 10 minutes away from Nessie and I. We would have had him stay with us, but the 700 square foot house was barely large enough for the two of us. It was a stroke of luck that our closest neighbor's, about 5 miles away, were renting their basement apartment at just the right time. It's a good thing Seth was so smart. He had already completed most of high school and only had 2 credits to do this year. With a couple of tests and a convincing speech to the Dean of Admissions, Seth was able to join us, and Olivia, at the University of Juneau.

I sat through Seth's painfully long description of his date with Olivia; dinner, a snowy walk on the pier, coffee at Spike's and every move and word she said the entire time. I found my mind wandering a bit… wondering what it will be like for me. Well, for Nessie and I, when we start dating. Would she want to go for romantic walks? Would dinner and coffee, things we did every night at home anyway, be good enough for a date with her?

I shook the thoughts off, remembering once again that she was only 5 or 16 (however you wanted to look at it) and had expressed _zero_ interest in dating of any sort. Then I remembered my mission, and interrupted Seth's play-by-play of his date to fill him in on my plan.

"So, let me get this straight Jake. You want to ambush these guys out of the blue on the sidewalk and make up some story about how someone tipped you off about them making more advances toward her? Then you want to tell them that she has _zero_ interest in them, because you would know. Then we threaten to beat them to a pulp, if you ever hear about them harassing her again?" Seth stared at me in confusion as though the plan didn't make sense and, honestly, I didn't follow.

"Jake," he said slowly, softly. "I don't think that's such a great idea. I mean, for one, do you _know_ she's not interested? Do you think she won't find out what you said to them? I mean, think about it man. She talks to them, you know." And at this soft reminder I followed his gaze to look out the window and see Renesmee laughing, smiling and talking with Connor, the blonde prick from the locker room.

She was smiling, and happier than I'd seen her in days at home. _WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING? _I thought she was trying to avoid these creeps and here she is hanging out with them and her friends like nothing's wrong? She was laughing now, a string of tinkling bell sounds, that my sensitive ears could hear right through the window. She certainly wasn't helping the situation by being so _friendly_.

She turned just then and caught my annoyed and disapproving glare through the window and responded to it with a look of confusion, sadness and oddly enough a bit of annoyance herself. I waved at her, pointing to the west building, indicating that she should head to class. She obliged, continuing to look annoyed, sad and confused. I grimaced and turned my attention back to Mrs. Dwyer and her calculus lecture.

The rest of the day was spent devising a plan for that night, to talk to Renesmee and let her know what kind of mixed signals she could be giving without even thinking about it. She was naturally friendly. But those pricks were sure to take that the wrong way, and she needed to know that, before Connor decided to put his little "plan" into action.


	4. Want

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. That being said, I have to apologize for not responding. I'm new to this site and I'm still trying to figure out how to do that! If any of you have advice about that I'd love to hear it. Thanks ;-)**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a very confused Jake and an incredibly frustrated and somewhat embarrassed Nessie.**

**Chapter song: 4 Ever ~ The Veronicas**

**RPOV**

_Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_… I growled as I flipped through my iPod for angry music to suit my mood.

Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse. Not only does Jake not want me, he's trying to stop the freshman boys on campus from wanting anything to do with me either. I had just gotten off the phone with my best friend, Shari. She said she saw the whole thing. Jake and Seth ambushed Connor, Travis, Mark and Pete on their way to Spike's this afternoon and basically threatened to beat them to a pulp if they came anywhere near me.

You'd think this would make me feel sad, or a bit desperate for having no options, even if they were options I didn't want. But I didn't. Actually, I was totally and completely _pissed off!_ How dare he! I mean, I knew he didn't want me, didn't see that I could be appealing in any way, but how could he threaten away the few boys who did? My hands shook with anger as I emptied my book bag, slamming my books down onto my tiny desk.

Who did he think he was, my _father_? This just completely reinforced what I was thinking the other day. He looks at me like I'm a kid, like I am actually five years old instead of the 16 year old that I've grown to be.

_Why does everyone_ _refuse to see that I am practically grown up and can take care of myself?_ I know it's been fast, rapid even, but not surprising. It's not as if they don't all know that I'm going to stop growing and settle into my adult self within the next year and half.

Ugh! I was so frustrated that I couldn't even focus on my music. I flipped off my iPod and cursed it for being unable to calm this little flare of temper. Jacob was sure to see this as a "tantrum". I wanted to be calmer before he got home so I could berate him in an appropriately adult fashion and tell him to _butt out_.

I sat and seethed in my room silently until Jacob got home. About an hour later I heard the front door click open and Jake set his things down in the small entry way. I left my room and walked down the short hall to block the doorway to the kitchen. He always went directly there to get supper ready if I hadn't had time to do it myself.

He looked up and caught my expression, just as he was about to greet me with his usual "Hey Nessie" and fist bump… and stopped cold. I knew my jaw was set, I was gritting my teeth. My eyes were flat and my expression cold. I knew he was not prepared to see me like this because he gasped and then immediately opened his mouth to defend himself. He must have known what I was upset about.

"Nessie, I know you're upset. Just let me explain? Please?" he begged, his dark eyes pleading with mine.

So I moved into the small family room and sat in the armchair. I huffed as I sat down, back straight, legs crossed, arms folded over my chest, waiting for his explanation.

**JPOV**

_Great_. She does know. I seriously wish Shari had minded her own business on this one. Crap. And she's _not_ happy with me. I debated what to do with myself while she sat on the edge of the chair, back straight, legs and arms crossed, muscles tensed and giving me a cold glare that had me frozen in my tracks.

I took a deep breath in and decided it was best to sit on the sofa, across from her, on the opposite side of the room. I briefly considered clearing all of the breakables off of the coffee table that sat between us. When Nessie's temper gets the better of her she tends to over-react and I didn't want any of our things to get ruined in the crossfire. Internally, I smirked a bit. S_he can be so much like her mother when she's mad. All fury and fight, just seeing red, not stopping to think of consequences._

I shook my head and cleared my throat, getting ready to explain _why_ I had threatened to beat the crap out of a couple of her friends. Well, friends of friends really, but either way she was taking this personally.

"Nessie," I began in a calm tone, hoping it would have a soothing effect on her own temper "I know you heard about what Seth and I were up to this afternoon. Shari saw us, and I'm assuming she told you. But what Shari didn't see was what happened to lead up to it." I paused here, taking a breath, wondering how I was going to proceed to tell her what I had heard without frightening her, or making her angrier.

"A few of days ago I was finishing up in the locker room, when I heard Connor and his little friends talking about you. They were… well, let's just say they weren't being polite. They like you Ness." I paused here, and then corrected myself. "Actually, they probably don't know you well enough to like you. They were saying… rude, vulgar things… about the way you look...," and then I mumbled "… and how that appeals to them."

I looked up here, expecting to see her upset or shaking, frightened even. She surprised me by maintaining her calm and pissed off façade in the chair. The only hint of a response I got from her was the slight narrowing of her eyes. Well, she wasn't scared yet. Angrier, maybe, but not scared.

I decided to continue. "I couldn't let them talk about you that way, Nessie. I know they don't know anything about you, and what you want or don't want, but they didn't really seem to care. I threatened them, told them not to talk about you that way."

I grinned then and continued. "They were scared speechless and shitless." _Punks _I thought. _Serves them right_.

"I figured they would leave you alone after that. But then it occurred to me after our discussion about 'Amber' the other night," I raised my hands into quotations and lifted my eyebrows when I said Amber so she would know I figured it out "…that they were probably still harassing you, and that for some reason you think it's _your fault_ because of the way you dressed.

By the way Ness, you should've just asked me instead of going about getting advice that way. It wouldn't have made a difference to me. You know I'll talk to you about anything.

Anyway, then you started dressing down, covering yourself up in baggy sweaters and sweats and I figured they hadn't stopped. Someone had to put those guys in their place Ness. That's all Seth and I were doing. We were just trying to protect you from those low-lifes. Those guys are pigs, only interested in _one thing_, and it's not study hall, if you catch my drift. You should be more careful around them. Talking with them and being friendly like you were this morning might give creeps like that the wrong impression. And you _definitely_ don't want to lead punks like Connor into thinking that you're interested. He'd be all over that, and then I'd have to kick the crap out of him for you."

I stopped there, having gotten it all out and looked up to see the expression on Renesmee's face. It was not the relief and gratitude I had expected. She had gone completely red, from the roots of her hair, down past the collar of her shirt. Her eyes were narrow slits, just about brimming over with tears. Her hands were gripped into tight, shaking fists.

No, she was not relieved or grateful. Not even close. She was downright _furious._

I gasped out loud and took a step away from her as she slowly rose out of the armchair. I was definitely not prepared for what came next.

"You are the most self-centered, pig-headed and _ignorant_ man I know Jacob Black." She was seething and shaking, spitting the words out from between her perfect, straight, white teeth and her full lips pulled up into a snarl.

Before I could respond she continued, "Did you even stop to think, for just _one second_ Jacob, that maybe I don't_ mind_ them looking at me like that?"

My stomach rolled. What the hell… what is she saying? She can't be ok with this. They were talking about sex, explicitly. She's never even kissed a guy before… and she thinks she _wants this?_ She has no clue.

I had tried to leave the specifics about their comments out of this conversation, not wanting to repeat them myself or upset her, but I think maybe I shouldn't have. It would have been shocking, but at least then she would know what she was condoning.

"Ness, you don't understand. They weren't talking about dating, movies, or even plain old kissing and other things that you might consider. They were talking about…" I gulped, not sure how to proceed here. I decided to just get it out and let her deal with it here at home rather than with them. I looked at her then, the disgust and anger showing both in my voice and on my face. "They were talking about _sex _Ness. Nothing more and nothing less. They're horny little bastards and you're the beautiful new girl in school, so they've got their eyes set on you. Connor especially. He said some pretty rude things Ness, that I don't want to repeat. He said he had a plan for you, and that 'you were going to get it'. You can't seriously be telling me that you don't _mind_ him speaking about you like you're a piece of meat."

I expected her to be surprised and maybe even a little repulsed, but she surprised _me_ again by responding in a very different way. Her body had relaxed as I was talking, her arms were at her sides and she was breathing normally. Her blush of anger was gone and she was biting her lower lip, eyes cast down and away slightly, as if she didn't want to say what was coming next.

"I know. I mean… I didn't know that they were rude, or vulgar or that Connor is enough of a jerk to think he can force me into doing anything I didn't want to. I'm not sure if I believe that either. He's been nothing but nice to me. But I do know that they liked me as more than just friends, Connor especially. He's not very subtle. I just… I just…," she let out a frustrated and unsteady breath.

"I was actually a little bit flattered to know that someone was thinking about me that way. I mean it's nice to know that I'm _attractive_, and _appealing_… to someone." She stopped again, taking in a ragged breath that hitched.

Oh God, is she crying? She's worried about being attractive and appealing to Connor and his other sleazeball friends? Those guys are trash. She's beautiful, and smart and fun to be around and here she is crying because she didn't believe any of it unless slime-balls like Connor and his friends were making passes at her.

I was just about to open my mouth to let her know just how wrong she was about that, when she continued.

"Maybe Connor and those guys don't want anything more from me than they want from someone like Amber, and I know that's not all I want to be…

But I _do want to be wanted_."

She stopped talking then. I was so flabbergasted at what she was saying that I couldn't even move, never mind respond to what she said. She was flattered. She wanted to be seen as attractive. Didn't she know how beautiful she was? She was always so confident and sure of herself, where is this coming from?

Wait… _she wants to be __**wanted**__?_

She moved to leave then, while I was stunned into silence over this revelation.

She walked across the room toward the door behind me, and as she was about to pass me she slowed and then stopped, inches from my right arm. I looked at her, fascinated and worried by this new, shy, self-conscious side of her, while she seemed to debate something.

Then, gently… tentatively… as if she were afraid, she lifted her hand and placed her fingertips on my arm, just above my elbow and below my sleeve. Her eyes never left her hand as she ran her fingertips down, slowly, from my bicep over my elbow, to my wrist, across the back of my hand and down my fingers till she reached the tips. She stayed there for a second or two, and looked up into my round eyes, the shock showing on my face. Her chin trembled a bit and she bit her bottom lip trying to still it, before she turned and quickly fled for her room, closing the door behind her.

And just like that, with that one gesture, she turned my world upside down.


	5. Confusion

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter Song: Decode ~ Paramore**

**Chapter 5: Confusion**

**RPOV**

As I shut the door in my room all I could think was _Oh God… I can't believe I just did that._ And his reaction... _oh God._ He was staring at me, his eyes round like saucers, frozen in shock.

His lips parted a bit as his jaw dropped ever so slightly at my touch. He didn't even speak. He just stared at me like he didn't know who I was and what on earth I was doing stroking his arm like that.

Why did I risk it? I wasn't thinking clearly when I did it. I was so shocked and hurt at what Jake said. He acted like I wasn't even capable of feeling like the young woman I am. He talked to me like a father talked to a 12 year old about the birds and the bees. Like I was clueless and like I didn't, or couldn't, want any of this right now. It left me feeling raw and vulnerable. I don't know why I told him… and showed him what I did.

I was so confused. Why was this so _hard_? I mean, we were supposed to be meant for each other weren't we? He was tied to me in ways that mortal, human words could not describe. His soul and his heart, were tied and rooted mine. I felt that too. I needed Jake. He was part of my soul; he resided in my heart from the time I was born. I've always needed and wanted Jake. And I still do, just in different ways.

But things were… weird now. They were awkward and difficult. And it was even more difficult because Jake was my best friend. I used to talk to him about everything. He was always there, in my corner, knowing just what to do or say to make things right.

I needed someone to talk to about this… but who? It's not like I could just call up my best human friend, Shari, and confide in her about this. She knows nothing about the fact that I'm a half-vampire and Jake is a werewolf. She doesn't have a clue about imprinting either.

I picked up the phone and hesitated. Should I call Aunt Alice, or shouldn't I? She's always been there for me when I needed her. We have a special bond because her gift of omniscience doesn't work with me. She can't see my future or Jake's, for that matter. That's always been difficult for my aunt to accept and, as a result, she spent a lot of time getting to know me, talking with me and being my friend. I think she feels better, knowing me as well as she does, because when you're that familiar with someone they become predictable, in the more conventional sense of the word.

I sighed then as predictability reminded me of my father and how he would react to hearing my conversation with Aunt Alice through her thoughts. No, I could definitely not call Aunt Alice.

I flopped down, face first onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow, and let my emotions take over. At least I wasn't going through this at home. Having human emotions and reactions in a house full of self-controlled vampires was always embarrassing for me. My vampire family members have feelings, but are all able to control their reactions so much better than I am. My human half gets the better of me at times, like it was doing now, and I can't help but react to the strong onslaught of emotions.

I sobbed and cried into the pillow for a long while, letting the frustration, sadness and loneliness seep out through my tears and onto my pillowcase until I was finally tired enough to drift off to sleep.

**JPOV**

I heard her slam the door to her room after she ran from me. I saw the look in her eyes just before she left. The pain and disappointment were clear. She was very upset.

I didn't know what to do. Every muscle in my body tensed, aching to run after her. Every beat of my heart broke for her. She felt… unwanted, and_ I_ had caused her pain over that. But I had no idea how to comfort her.

I needed to get out of there and think.

I left through the front door, locking it and checking to make sure it was secure. I jogged down the road a bit to the forests edge and into the great sea of evergreen. I stopped a short ways in, under the cover of the trees where no one could see, at my usual spot. I stripped down to my birthday suit, leaving my clothes in an old hollowed out log, and phased into my wolf form. I was in luck. None of my pack at home, and not Seth or Sam were in their wolf form tonight. I would hear them if they were, and I didn't want them to hear me tonight. I needed to be able to think this through, alone.

I was sure Nessie was glad to be alone too. She wouldn't want an audience tonight. Knowing her she was probably embarrassed by her "overly emotional" response to her own feelings. She hated that she couldn't control her reactions to them like the rest of her family could. She thought it made her weak. I wish she could see it for what it actually was.

Her kind, vampires, were like stone in many ways. They didn't change or adapt themselves in response to feelings the way humans do. They don't adapt when they feel the effects of emotions. They simply deal with them and move on.

Renesmee is half human, so she does. She feels and grows and changes with every new emotional experience. She has a beautiful, strong, beating heart. She is one of the most empathetic people I know. She has the most beautiful heart and soul.

I dug my claws into the snow and frozen dirt as I thought, running south a little ways and then turning east toward the lake. There was a small cave on the edge of the water there. It was in a small outcropping of rock, but completely covered in a thick layer of ice. It looked out over Auke lake, and seemed like the perfect place to think. I found it a little while ago on a hunting trip. I hadn't told Nessie about it yet. I wanted to surprise her, maybe take her swimming in the lake and then back to the cave for a picnic.

I settled down on my haunches and lowered my massive wolf frame down to the ground, laying on my belly. The cave was big enough for four or five to sit in and picnic, or for just for two to lay back and lounge around. Thinking of this brought me back to the reason I was here.

Something had changed with Nessie. When had that happened? It seemed like just yesterday we were sitting around, talking about music, swimming and hanging out like best friends. But now, things were different.

Somewhere along the lines her raging hormones had kicked in and I had missed it. _Shit,_ what was I so busy doing that I missed that? Or was she showing me all along and I just hadn't been paying attention? I remembered our little conversation about Amber. She had asked me what girls could do to get a guys attention without dressing like Amber does. Was she asking me how to get _my_ attention? She had begun dressing a little differently when we moved here. I assumed it was rebellion, finally being free of her parents and being able to wear what she wanted, without her father around to veto the idea. But what if that wasn't it. Was she dressing that way because she thought guys liked it… because she thought _I_ would like it?

When she stroked my arm earlier this evening it had meant something. It wasn't that the gesture was overtly romantic, or in any way sexual, it was just so… _suggestive_. She was trying to tell me something, and I knew her well enough to know that whatever it was, it meant a lot to her. Could it be… yes, I was almost positive it was.

She wanted more than just friendship from me.

I sat and considered how I felt about that. It's not as though I hadn't considered it. I loved Nessie more than anything. My heart belonged to her from the day she was born. Nessie is beautiful in every way, but since we moved to Alaska her beauty took on a new form. The tight t's, short skirts and low-cut tops began to expose her beauty as a desirable young woman. She was gorgeous in anything she wore, but the new wardrobe also made her look… attractive. She was truly stunning. Of course I noticed her. You would have to be dead not to. Even then… I know a couple of guys, ok vampires really, whose heads she would have turned.

I thought about the way she had touched me earlier. My brain had registered nothing but shock at the time, but my body had a different reaction. Her soft, smooth touch felt like hot molten lava running down my skin, leaving a flowing heat in it's wake. The smoldering heat penetrated my flesh and muscles feeling as though it would warm my blood and bones. It was incredible, like nothing I had ever felt before.

Yes… I want to be with her. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I may not have much experience in the romance department, but I am a 22 year old man and I know what I want. I would love nothing more than to be with Renesmee in every way it's possible for a man to be with a woman.

_But what does she want?_ I need to know her answer to that question. I can only guess. I know she wants some kind of romantic relationship with me. But she's only 16. How can we do this now? How do I find the place where the… _desires_ of a 22 year old man meet with the wants of _young_ woman of 16?

As I contemplated this I stared out at the rocks. I had to figure this out before I could go back to her. I watched the waves lapping up against the rock. Their smooth, gentle rhythm was calming and soothing to me. And it gave me an idea.

I studied the way the rock and water came together, the rocking giving minute pieces of itself with each caress, the water leaving some of itself with the rock. I thought of the effects of the two elements on each other. The rock, over time, had become smooth and soft, fluidly curving into a shape perfect for channeling the breaking water. The water danced on it's surface, graceful and light, as if on a stage built for this purpose. _This_ is what we are supposed to be. Ying blending and fitting itself perfectly into yang, like the water dancing on the rock. Dancing waves, on weathered rock.

And so I would allow her to approach me slowly, like a tiny wave lapping at the shore, allowing her to give of herself at her own pace. I would let her channel her efforts into the place where she needed me to be. I would give of myself to her, blending with her and smoothing into what she needed me to be. And over time, we would become like the elements here. Like water over a beautifully weathered shore.

A peace and sense of calm so strong settled over me as I realized this happy dream for Nessie and I, that I felt myself shimmer, my body wanting to phase back to human form. I rose and headed back to the forest to phase, gather my clothes and head home.

If she was awake when I got there I would go to her tonight, to talk, and find out the answer to my question. She would tell me what she needed next. Now that I knew this, all that was left to do was ask her.


	6. First Kisses

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 6 – First Kiss(es)**

**RPOV**

It was sometime later that night when I hear a quiet knock on the door. I knew that Jake had gone out, I'd heard him leave. He had a key though, so he could just let himself in. This had to be someone else. Ugh, it was almost ten thirty, who would come here at this time of night?

I picked myself up off of the bed and headed to the front door when I heard a slightly louder knock.

"Coming!" I huffed as shuffled down the hallway. I moved aside the sheer drape over the window beside the door to see who was there.

Connor stood on the front porch, smiling lightly at me, his fair blonde hair looking a bluish-white in the moonlight. "Hey, Ness. Is Jake here, or can I come in for a bit?"

I opened the door and moved aside to let him step into the small entryway with me.

"I know it's kinda weird for me to show up at your place like this. It's nice by the way. Cozy. I asked Shari where you live when I saw her at Spike's after… after class today. Shari told me that she called you. So I thought I'd come over here and tell you my side of the story before your _roommate_" he spat the word "could make me look too bad."

I thought about what Jake had said earlier this evening. He told me some pretty incriminating things about Connor, but he _has_ always been nothing but nice to me. I figured that he deserved a chance to explain himself.

"We did have a… discussion about your little altercation when Jake came home. I heard everything he had to say. I would like to hear from you too though. Jake's not here right now. Why don't you come in? Have a seat on the couch and we can talk." I motioned toward the living room and he smiled and shrugged out of his jacket.

We walked into the tiny room and sat on opposite sides of the small couch. It was just barely big enough for two, and when we turned to face each other our knees touched slightly. Not wanting to "encourage" Connor as Jake had suggested, I crossed my legs like a kindergarten student and sat facing him. His back was to the small stone fireplace and mine was to the door.

"Thanks for letting me explain Nessie. I know he must have said some pretty bad things, but I want you to know that it was probably nothing like what he said." He ran his hands through his messy blonde hair nervously and stared at me with what seemed to be sincerity in his light blue eyes.

I decided to answer him back as honestly as I could without embarrassing myself. I'd had enough of that for one evening. So I looked him in the eye and calmly said, "He told me that you… like me, Connor. And that he overheard you talking about _how much_ you like me in the locker room with Travis and the guys one day. He said that you were rude and that there was something you were waiting to 'give me'. Does that sound about right to you?"

He flinched a little at the last part.

His head lowered a bit and he looked down at the floor. "Yeah. I guess he was pretty honest with you. I did say those things." His face twisted into a grimace, as if he was mad… at himself, or Jake…? I wasn't sure.

He looked up then, his blue eyes meeting mine. His square jaw relaxed a bit and then he spoke with an intensity that I'd never heard from him.

"Nessie, it was just locker talk. Guy stuff, you know? We talk a good bit in there, but everyone knows that's all it is. Just talk. You know I would never disrespect you. You're my friend," and then he smirked, "… a very hot friend, that I'd like to take out some time, but still my friend." He smiled up at me as if asking for an apology and waited for my response.

I blinked a couple of times, and looked down at the beige fabric of the couch, taken aback a bit by his forwardness. So he did say those things about me, but he didn't mean to be rude. He was just talking with the guys. I'd heard about locker talk and it did sound a lot like what Jake and Connor were describing.

I sighed. Leave it to Jake to overreact.

Well, Connor certainly thought I was attractive. He said I was "hot" and that he'd like to take me out sometime. He sounded sincere about the locker talk too.

"OK Connor, I get it. I still don't like it though. If you're thinking something, and we're truly friends, then you should just tell me. I don't like being talked about behind my back, no matter what the circumstances are." I smiled lightly at him so that he would know I was being sincere and wasn't upset with him.

His eyes danced as his smile widened and he began to speak again.

"So, does that mean we can go out some time? No strings attached. We can do dinner, or a movie maybe? I heard The Boardwalk is supposed to be pretty a good flick. Maybe we can go and see that."

I considered it for a moment and thought about what Jake had said, and how he had reacted to me earlier. I didn't feel right accepting a date with Connor while I hadn't talked things out with Jake. I should at least confirm what I already knew… that he didn't want me the way I wanted him. Once that was done I guess I was free to go out with Connor if I wanted to. I probably should, he's my friend and he did say there would be no strings attached.

He waited patiently while I debated over this.

"Well, I guess a friendly dinner or movie sometime would be kind of nice. I don't want to set anything in stone right now though. I'd rather give Jake some time to cool off and explain to him what we talked about. I wouldn't want him to get mad at you again. Can we just play it by ear for now?" I asked.

"Sure. Like I said, we're friends. I do like you Nessie, but I won't push. If you want to wait for now, we can." He rose then, and I joined him.

"Thanks Connor. Jake's just a little overprotective. We've been friends forever, and he just doesn't want to see me get hurt. I'm glad you understand." I said and smiled sadly down at the floor, feeling the truth of my words pierce through my heart.

Without warning I felt his hand on my elbow and he was suddenly standing very close to me. I froze, my breathing kicking up a notch, not sure what to do. What is he doing?

He leaned down a bit then and, ever so gently, placed a light kiss on my right cheek.

I flushed as my head snapped up and my eyes met his. I stared at him in confusion. He had kissed me on my cheek… my first kiss ever… after we just finished talking about…

He lifted his head and looked towards the door. A smirk flashed across his face.

"I guess I should go. See you Monday Ness," he said, and then moved to leave. I turned, still unable to speak, to watch him go.

I froze.

Jake was standing in the doorway, blocking Connor from getting out.

_Oh God, had he seen that? _

His jaw was set and his hands were clenched into fists, shaking with tiny tremors that I instantly recognized. I had to get Connor out of here before something horrible happened.

I rushed over to stand between the two men and faced Jake. I couldn't look him in the eye right now. So I stared at his fitted, black t-shirt instead. I can't imagine what he was thinking.

"Jake," I said. It came out a bit strangled through the lump in my throat. "Let him go Jake. I'm fine. You're upset… you should calm down." I placed my hands lightly on his to slow the trembling so he would know what I was talking about.

It was silent for a few seconds that felt more like minutes.

Without a word, he turned and headed down the hall to his room. I waited until I heard the soft click of the door closing before turning back to Connor.

'You should go." I said and moved aside for him.

He stepped around me to grab his coat and as he put it on he asked,

"You going to be ok?"

I didn't look at him when I answered. "Yes." I said. "I just have to talk to Jake now. See you Monday Connor."

I heard him walk out and close the door behind him.

I leaned against the doorway and closed my eyes. Jake had seen him kiss me on the cheek. He must have. He was so upset he was about to phase in the house. He had controlled the urges to phase without meaning to a few years ago. He must be furious. He had just finished warning me to stay away from Connor and his friends and here I was inviting him into our home and then letting him kiss me on the cheek like that. It wasn't like he had asked permission though. I just hadn't stopped him, or told him that I didn't want things to be like that. I was too stunned and it was so unexpected.

I bit my lower lip as I debated what to do next.

I should go talk to Jake. I should tell him what Connor and I talked about. We should talk about what happened earlier. I mean, once we talked about that, would this little kiss on the cheek really matter so much? He couldn't possibly expect me not to accept Connor's affection if he didn't want to give me any.

I trudged down the hall, eight slow and unwilling steps, to stand in front of Jake's door and did something I'd never done before. I knocked… and waited for him to answer.

**JPOV**

I stood for a few seconds in the dark after I closed my bedroom door, waiting for my hands to stop shaking, getting control over myself. Nessie saw how angry I was down there and had stepped right between us. She had risked herself getting hurt to stop me from phasing, hurting Connor and blowing our carefully constructed cover here in Alaska.

I had to get control of myself, and fast.

I listened carefully as she told Connor to leave and he asked her if she was going to be ok. She said she needed to talk to me.

Good. I needed to talk to her too. I was confused earlier in the day, and right now, I think insane is the only way to describe how I feel. _What the HELL did that prick think he was doing? In MY house? Kissing HER!_

Worse yet… she had let him. She looked quite surprised, but didn't rebuke him for it, even after, when they were alone. It was her first kiss, from someone besides her immediate family or me. It wasn't a real kiss, but I knew she would see it that way… and I suddenly _hated_ that. _I_ wanted to be the one to do that. But… maybe… was it _him_ she was asking about before? Connor she was interested in being with instead of me? Or was she still just feeling insecure, wanting to feel wanted by someone… if not by me then why not him.

My stomach sank and I felt like my knees were turning to jelly. I sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on my knees and head in my hands. The heat of the tremors had vanished as my heart sank. My only thought was, _I need to talk to her. I need her to tell me what she wants_.

As if on cue, I heard her shuffle slowly down the hall to my door and lightly knock, then wait. She had never done that before. Neither of us had. We just knocked to announce our presence and barged in like we owned the place. If one or the other was indecent we dashed with inhuman speed to cover up. It usually worked.

We never had a need to get permission from the other to enter. I guess she figured I was mad enough right now that she should.

"Come in," I said lightly, and waited for her to open the door.

She stood in the doorway looking down at the floor.

When she didn't come any further I said "Ness, come in. Come sit beside me. I think… I think we need to talk." I shuffled over making room for her on the edge of the bed.

She came and sat, close to the end, as far away from me as she could get. I hated this space between us. We were always so comfortable before.

I needed to get to the bottom of this.

I opened my mouth to speak, but didn't get a chance to because Nessie decided to start first.

"Jake. Jake I… I'm so… so….," she stammered and sniffled a bit trying to find the right words. She never could manage to get out a full sentence when she was emotional like this. She gets too frustrated with herself and ends up tying her own tongue up in knots.

She was clearly emotional right now. I needed her to talk with me, but I knew I'd have to help her calm down first. So I whispered to her,

"Ness, calm down ok. We just need to talk about… things. You don't have to be upset. We're best friends, we can talk about anything… right?"

I gave her a minute to process this and waited until I heard her heartbeat slow a bit to a more regular pace. She sat very still now, waiting I guessed, for me to begin.

I took a deep breath. I needed to get an answer to the question I had thought of in the cave, and I didn't want to make things more confusing then they had already become, so I decided just to come out and ask her what I wanted to know.

"Ness, did you… did you want…" I gulped back the lump that was forcing my throat to constrict, choking off my words. This was harder than I thought. I didn't realize just how much this meant to me until that moment. What if she said no? What if it was really that prick Connor she wanted instead of me? I didn't know if I could handle that. I had no idea what it would do to me if she rejected me. My entire body tensed, paralyzed for a moment, with the fear that she might actually say no.

I decided to start with an easier question… one that would give me most of the information I was looking for, without having to hear a direct rejection from her if that was the case.

"Nessie… did you want Connor to kiss you? You didn't say no, and didn't tell him off after he did it. I… I just want to know what you want Ness." There, that was close enough to what I wanted to ask. What a coward I was. You would think that I'd have gotten better at this by 22.

She stared down at the dark red comforter, her brows furrowed, biting her lip and twisting her fingers. She only fidgets like that when she's _really _nervous. Her bronze ringlets fell softly around her, a frame to the beautiful and pained picture of her pale face.

_Oh no,_ I thought,_ maybe I was right. Maybe she did want him and not me and she's just way too nervous to tell me after my reaction downstairs._

Abruptly, I was so sad I could barely hold it together. An absolute feeling of desolation washed over me as I felt like my life's purpose was pulling away from me. I panicked. I needed her to answer me, to tell me that she wanted him so that I could tell her to leave and I could deal with the pain that was threatening to rip my world apart right now. I needed to know. Now.

So I stared at her downcast face and asked her again, whispering this time, my voice shaking like my hands had before, unable to speak at a normal volume.

"Did you want to be kissed Renesmee?"

She looked up at me this time. Her body stilled and her face relaxed. Her deep brown eyes stared into mine with desperation, as if willing me to understand. I didn't know if I could.

"Those are two different questions Jacob." She whispered in return, eyes never leaving mine.

It was my turn to look confused. I stared into the depths of her eyes, digging deep, trying to figure out what difference she was referring to.

The first time I had asked her if she wanted Connor to kiss her… _the second time I had asked her if she wanted to be kissed._

Understanding dawned on me abruptly, and I was suddenly aware of the difference she spoke of. Hope shot through my veins, igniting me, so my eyes lit up - and I decided to take a chance.

I shuffled a bit closer to her, my eyes never leaving hers, so that our knees were touching and our bodies were only about a foot apart. My right hand rested in my lap and my left was on the bed, next to hers, our fingertips touching. The molten lava flowed again, a small trickle of heat resonating up my fingers, feeling as though it would melt into hers. With hope this time instead of fear I whispered again, changing just one word.

"Do you want to be kissed Renesmee?"

Her breathing sped up a notch and I could see that she knows now what I'm really asking. She blinked quickly a few times, surprised at my advance, as I waited for her answer. She seemed unsure of what to do.

I reached out slowly and cupped her cheek in my right hand.

Instantly she responded, leaning into it and closing her eyes, her long lashes casting shadows in the moonlight, the only light in the room.

I waited there for a few seconds, savouring the feeling, the pleasurable heat my body felt at being in contact with hers.

I leaned in, my breath now keeping pace with hers and saw her eyes flutter open slightly. I could feel her breath mingling with mine. Her light, honey-sweet and floral scent trickled over to me, inviting me to her with every breath she took. I stared into her deep, chocolate brown eyes, mesmerized by their depth and beauty as I brought my lips slowly to hers.

The feeling that coursed through me at that moment was almost… indescribable. Heat, a beautiful slow burn, flowed out from her and into me. My heart seemed to expand with every second, absorbing the heat of her touch… embracing it.

Our eyes closed then as our lips began to move together, softly, gently, like the waves on the rock. I took her bottom lip in between mine and she responded doing the same. She leaned in now and placed her right hand on my chest, above my heart. Her left hand reached for the one on her face and covered it, holding it to her as we kissed our first kiss, sweetly and slowly, saying what we needed to say, our hearts having a conversation without any words.

Slowly, like a dream, a vision crept into my mind, behind the closed lids of my eyes. Nessie was using her gift to show me what she was thinking, what she was feeling. It began simply as colours, flashing shades of yellows, oranges and deep reds.

It was like the heat, she had felt it too.

Our lips began reaching for each other, searching for the connection, quickening just a bit. As our kiss deepened slightly, the colours swirled together and broke apart, forming a pair of figures. Deep golds and reds became the shining copper of her long, flowing hair. Yellows lightened into creams, revealing her perfect pale skin. Dark reds blended with oranges and deepened, some to a tan brown, some all the way to black, revealing my own figure next to and intertwined with hers.

She had felt it too. I could see everything between us so clearly in that moment.

I broke the kiss then, touching my lips lightly to hers once, twice, and a third time before hugging her to me. I kissed the top of her soft hair once, letting her know that I was just as happy as she was at that moment. She buried her face in the crook of my neck, while wrapping her arms around my waist and sighed contentedly as I held her. I wanted her to know that everything was ok. That she didn't have to be confused or upset anymore. I wanted her to know that I knew how she felt and I felt the same way… that I wanted her just as much as she wanted me. We stayed there for a long time, just holding each other, not saying a word.


	7. Stranger

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 7 – Stranger**

**Chapter Song: Monsters ~ Hurricane Bells**

The situation's all critical

You gotta look first before you go

If you wasn't to sure then now you know

The situation's all critical

Wait OK you've gotta look before you go

Wait OK you've gotta look before you go

Monsters - Hurricane Bells

**RPOV**

I almost couldn't believe what had happened. I had gone up to Jake's room to talk, explain about Connor, and had been prepared for him to confirm my worst fears.

Words cannot describe the shock that I felt when he slowly scooted forward on the bed, and asked in a whispered tone, if I wanted to be kissed.

I was too stunned to move or respond in any way. My silly human emotions had me frozen to the spot, blinking and just staring at him like a deer in the headlights, unable to respond. My breathing had sped up and I was sure that he noticed, nothing escaped Jacob. I was mildly embarrassed at not knowing what to do, but I was also sure that paralyzed as I was, I wouldn't have been able to do a thing.

A second later all of that was forgotten as he reached out and took my face in his hand. I felt the warm glowing heat of his skin and instantly wanted to melt into it. I leaned into his palm and closed my eyes, loving the feeling of his warm, gentle contact… I hoped it would never end.

My eyes fluttered open slightly as I felt a different warmth wash lightly over my face. I could smell Jacob's earthy scent, like damp soil, fresh pine and freshly cut grass as he inched his face closer to mine. I stared into his dark, almost-black eyes, reading answers to the questions I wasn't brave enough to ask.

And then our lips met… and my eyes closed, my body craving no other sensation than his touch. I felt heat radiate through him and into me. Ever so gently, he kissed me, again and again. I felt the weight of months of insecurities and fear drop off of me. I was flying, lighter than a feather, floating on the breath of Jacob's kiss.

I was finally able to move my hands. I placed my right hand over his heart and then reached up slowly with my left to cover the one still cupping my face. I knew I would never be able to tell him how I really felt. My emotions ruled me so completely in times like this, but I wanted him to know. So I used my gift, showing him my thoughts and feelings through my touch. I was so nervous. I only hoped that what I had to show him wouldn't scare him off, make him stop or otherwise ruin this most perfect of moments in my short life.

My hesitation showed in my thoughts. I was careful at first, showing him only colours to represent my feelings, knowing he would understand.

I was completely disarmed at his response. Instead of pulling away, the kiss deepened and sped up, just slightly.

And suddenly I was soaring, elated that he hadn't rejected me or pulled away, and excited at the prospect of him feeling the same.

I knew he would understand what I was showing him next. The feelings in me solidified and finally, after months of fleeting urges and uncertainty… I felt that he wanted me too.

My thoughts took on more solid forms now, the colours blending together slowly into a beautiful picture of Jacob and I in each other's arms the way we were right now.

He pulled away from me then, slowly, and ended our kiss with three light and very sweet little pecks on my lips. Before I could worry about whether or not he was rejecting that precious vision of us together he pulled me into an embrace and held me close, kissing the top of my head sweetly, burying his nose in the curls of my hair. I sighed and relaxed, wrapping my arms around his waist, never wanting to let go.

The sounds on the streets began to lessen and the night owls began to make their presence known. I knew we had been sitting like that for a while, but neither of us seemed to care. We were just enjoying the moment, the feeling of being together like this.

Unexpectedly, there was knock on the front door. Jacob and I both sighed a bit as he pulled away. He looked into my eyes and smiled lightly.

"I should probably go see who that is. From the sounds of the footsteps it could be Seth."

I nodded in agreement and watched as he rose from the bed. He kept one of my hands in his and bent slowly to kiss it while looking me into my eyes.

"Be right back. Don't go anywhere 'kay? I still want to talk if you're not tired."

I smiled a bit and nodded as he winked at me and left the room.

I didn't even bother listening to the conversation Jacob was having with the person at the door. I still felt like flying and never wanted to come down. I laid back on Jacob's bed, resting my head on his pillow and inhaling as much of his scent as I could. In my mind I replayed my first kiss, not the silly little peck on the cheek I received from Connor, but the beautiful kiss Jake and I had shared. Over and over it replayed while I waited for him to finish downstairs and come back so he could talk to me.

I would tell him everything. I'd start at the beginning, that very first day I saw him standing on the porch in the rain, when I knew there was something different about the way I felt for him. I had been so scared and nervous before, but that was gone the moment we kissed. I wanted him to know how I had felt for so long… and wanted to hear from him, what he felt too.

**JPOV**

I left Nessie sitting on the bed with a wink, asking her stay put. I still wanted to talk to her, sort things out. I wanted her to hear how I felt, although I'm pretty sure she knew now.

I pulled the door open just as our visitor was about to knock again and was not surprised to see Seth standing on our front porch, looking pale in the moonlight.

What I _was _surprised to see was his expression. His face was twisted in confusion and even a little bit of fear. I gasped slightly. It takes a lot to scare Seth. Being a werewolf like me he's seen enough evil in his life to truly be scared of only the worst kinds. I thought maybe something had happened to Olivia. One of a werewolf's worst fears was that something would happen to their mate. I could only imagine what had happened to make Seth feel this way.

"Seth, what's wrong? Is it Olivia? Is everything ok?" I asked as he stepped in the door, glancing furtively around him.

Hmmm, he looked like he was being followed. I didn't like this. If he _was_ being followed and he came here, it meant that something dangerous could have been lurking anywhere out in the night. I glanced around myself and quickly shut the door behind him as he stalked toward the family room.

I followed him, anxious to get answers to my questions. If there was danger out there I needed to know.

I thought of Nessie upstairs in my room, alone and completely unaware that there may be some sort of evil lurking out there. Fear shot through my veins, swift and cold.

I couldn't let anything bad happen to her. Ever.

Seth spun to look at me as I entered the room. He spoke one word, quick and hard. It told me everything I needed to know.

"Vampire." He spat the word out like it was poison in his mouth.

By the way he was acting I knew this wasn't a creature that was familiar to us. Instantly I tensed, hands shaking. My eyes began to dart around the room, my ears ranging out to pick up every sound I could with my human ears. I sniffed, trying to find the stranger's scent.

"Where? What happened?" I growled.

"On campus. I was taking Olivia to the play the drama department was putting on. Everything was fine when we went in. On our way out though, I caught the scent. It wasn't light, so he or she was close. I didn't hear or see anything though.

I rushed Olivia to the car and explained what was going on when we got in there. I was quiet, so I don't think it could have heard me. She was pretty scared Jake, and I didn't want to leave her, but I knew I needed to tell you. So I brought her back to her dorm room and told her I'd be back as soon as we looked into things. I told her to call my cell phone if she heard or saw anything suspicious."

He was shaking a bit too. I tried to calm down and think. We had to decide where to go from here.

The Denali clan was close by, but Seth knew all of their scents, so it couldn't be one of them. A random visitor? Someone unknown, maybe, but mostly harmless? Harmless to us anyway, the humans in the area would still be vulnerable… and Renesmee might be too.

Over the last few years we hadn't really seen what level of protection her half-vampire, half-human body could provide. She was never in any danger, with the exception of that first confrontation with the Volturi. That hadn't come down to a fight. No one really knew how safe she would be from a full-vampire attack. None of us could bare to test it. It was too risky.

Her physiology was close enough to mine that we guessed her body would react the same way mine would to their venom. It was poison to us. It would most likely be the same for her.

I decided that we should probably go and check it out, follow the scent and see where it leads. I didn't like the idea of Nessie coming along to investigate, but I liked the idea of her being here alone even less.

I told Seth to head up the road to my usual spot, phase and keep an eye out on the house while I briefed Nessie. He nodded and took out his phone, presumably to call Olivia, while I headed down the hall to put our previous conversation on hold.


	8. Safe

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 8 – Safe**

**Chapter Song: Tremble for My Beloved ~ Collective Soul**

The hour has begun

Eyes have now opened

To a world where madness craves

To a world where hopes enslave

Oh, I'll trembl for my love always.

Tremble For My Beloved - Collective Soul

**RPOV**

I was happy when I finally heard the front door open and close again and Jake's light footsteps making their way down the hallway and back to his room. I smiled shyly as he turned the knob to the door and made his way in.

My expression fell the second I saw his face. He was tense, and angry again. His jaw muscles flexed a couple of times as he gritted his teeth. He was staring at the floor, his brows pulled together slightly like they always do when he's upset and concentrating on staying in human form. There was something else, some other emotion buried in his eyes, but I couldn't make it out.

Whoever had come to the door had said something to him, and whatever it was made him as angry as he was earlier this evening, maybe even more.

_Oh God_ , I thought, _had Connor been back? He said he "wouldn't push" me… but that was right before he planted a kiss on my cheek, with Jake watching not 10 feet away. Did he actually mean _**any**_ of what he had said?_

"Jake," I whispered "what's wrong? Who was that?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Seth." He replied through his teeth.

Seth? What could Seth have said to make him so angry? Over the past few years Jake and Seth had become really good friends. They were as close as brothers. This wasn't making any sense.

He must have seen the confused expression on my face as I thought this over. He let out a short and exasperated breath, then crossed the room to sit next to me.

He reached out and took my right hand in his left. I felt the heat again, like I had before when we kissed. It was like he radiated warmth. Our bodies were almost the same temperature, his was only slightly hotter, but the heat I felt was more than just that. It was like some sort of… reaction my body had to being in contact with his. I blushed a bit and looked down at his dark, russet skin covering mine thinking about how it felt to be so close to that warmth, how much I liked it… almost craved it.

He brushed my chin with the index finger of his other hand and tilted my face up so I was looking at him. A tiny smile played at the corners of his full lips as he took in my blush.

"Ness, I'm sorry to do this, but Seth came to warn us about a bit of a… problem. It's important and we really need to go and check it out - now. It's kind of urgent, so as much as I want to talk to you right now… and, trust me I really do, it's going to have to wait until look into this and make sure everyone's safe." He looked at me with an apology in his eyes.

I could see how much he really wished that Seth and this so-called "problem" would have come up on any other night.

It must be something big. It takes a lot to get Seth and Jacob rattled. And Jake _did_ say he wanted to make sure everyone was safe… hmmmm. Seth had been out with Olivia tonight, she told me at lunch that he was taking her to the play. I could think of only one thing that would have both Jake and Seth fearing for the safety of those around them. Any typical _human_ dangers would be no threat to them.

It dawned on me then. With this new perspective I looked into his eyes and realized that the emotion he was hiding there was fear.

"Seth saw a vampire?" I asked in a hushed whisper. "Someone we don't know? How many? ... Jake, is Olivia ok?"

I shuddered lightly as I thought about Seth's beautiful and petite girlfriend facing something as sinister and lethal as a full vampire. She was such a sweet and gentle person, and we were fast becoming friends the more we hung out together. At only five feet tall and weighing in at somewhere around a hundred pounds she was just so _tiny_, and fragile looking. She wouldn't survive a second against one of them.

Jake shook his head a bit and chuckled lightly.

"I knew you'd piece that together pretty quickly. You're very close. He didn't see anything, just caught a foreign scent on campus as they were leaving the play. Seems like there's only one. He took Olivia home and came straight here. Seth's got his cell phone so she can call if she needs him… but he's pretty anxious to get back to her."

I nodded in agreement. I didn't like the thought of her alone right now either, not until we figured out what kind of vampire was lurking around. They could just be passing through… not a danger or a threat. Most vampires were not like my family though. Few had any respect for human life. They were hunters and humans were their prey. And if this stranger was thirsty, each and every human in the vicinity was in danger of becoming it's next meal.

"Seth's waiting for us in the forest. He called Olivia on his way out, so she's fine for now. He's keeping an eye on the house. We should head out to meet him. I want you to come with us Ness. I don't like leaving you here alone either but…," he paused and stood, keeping my hand, pulling me up gently with him.

He turned to face me and looked into my eyes as he continued.

"I want to make sure you're safe Ness. We don't know what kind of monster is lurking out there, but whoever it is, they probably won't take kindly to Seth and me. You have to promise me that whatever happens, if it turns… ugly, you won't get involved."

He paused again, taking my other hand and leaned in closer, so that our faces were only an inch or so apart. I could feel his warm breath wash over me as he looked down into my eyes and whispered,

"Promise me you'll stay out of it… stay safe, Ness… for me?" His black eyes pleaded with me as I stared at him.

A small scowl played on my face. Things were changing for Jake and I, but it still seemed like he didn't think I could take care of myself. I knew why he was worried, it wasn't like I thought I could take on a full vampire on my own. I _could_ help him and Seth though… I wasn't completely defenseless, like Olivia and the other humans were.

I sighed and decided that tonight was not the night for this particular discussion. There were more pressing issues to deal with. Once we figured out who this strange visitor was and made sure the population of Juneau was safe Jake and I would sit and talk things out.

I was also a bit worried. Vampires and werewolves were not typically very friendly toward each other. In fact, they were mortal enemies. He was asking me to sit out, not to help if he and Seth were being attacked. Even though I knew that they outnumbered the potential threat, I didn't like it. I wanted to make sure he was safe too.

I raised my left hand to his face and showed him my agreement to his question, and my worry over his safety, in my thoughts.

He smirked a bit and was about to say something that was sure to annoy the crap out of me, so I pressed my hand tighter to his face, insisting with my thoughts that he acknowledge the threat to his own safety and Seth's.

"Jake." I said. My voice was as strong and insistent as my thoughts. "Be careful, please… for me."

He smiled slowly and nodded his head just a bit, then closed the space between us and kissed me again, one soft, gentle brush of his full lips against mine.

Satisfied that he was going to do his best to stay safe, and feeling heady again from his kiss, I turned with him and headed out of his room toward the front door.

He paused just before he opened it and looked down at our hands. He still held one of mine in his, our fingers laced together.

"You ok with Seth knowing about this?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow and smirking at me.

I laughed lightly and pulled the door open. As soon as Jake phased he and Seth would be sharing every thought they had.

"Well, in about 30 seconds he'll know whether I want him to or not. But… no, I don't mind." Suddenly, though, I was worried about whether or not he might mind. Maybe that was why he asked _me_…

At the sight of my falling expression Jacob chuckled and pulled me through the door, closing it behind us. He squeezed my hand a bit tighter and, without letting go, motioned down the road to our destination.

"Come on," he said "we've got a vampire to track down." And with that we jogged down the road and into the woods to meet Seth.


	9. Dead End

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 9 – Dead End**

**Chapter Song: Solar Midnight ~ Lupe Fiasco**

A simplified love sick,  
Taking no prisoners,  
Sunny day, cold heart,  
Listen up listeners,  
Darkside love affair,  
Out of time, and in a rush,  
You can't help me 'til the sunrise lifts up.

Let's levitate up the horizon,  
I can see it in your eyes,  
Everythin' you're hidin'  
I can see the truth in you,  
Even when you're lyin'  
Even through the darkness,  
I can see you shinin'

_[Chorus:]_  
Well it's midnight, and it's colder,  
Pull you closer, I can see you through.  
When it's sunshine, and it's solar,  
And it's over, guess it's me and you.  
Blood. (Blood) By. (By) Sun. (Sun) Light. (Light)

Solar Midnight - Lupe Fiasco

**JPOV**

I heard Seth coming around to meet us when we crossed into the edge of the forest. We were only running for about a minute when he caught up with us. He stopped and nodded toward Nessie and then glanced down at our hands. He rolled one of his eyeballs towards me and I just shrugged my shoulders at him. I'm sure he'd already figured out what it meant, but I wasn't going to explain right now.

"Anything Seth?" I asked. He shook his head at me.

" Good. I'm going to head a little ways back to our spot and phase. Can you stay with Nessie for a minute until I get back? I don't want her alone out here."

I got a snort and a nod this time. Apparently he thought I was being a little overprotective. I shrugged it off. It wasn't like he was any less worried about his girl.

I left them there and ran back to our spot, leaving my stuff with Seth's, cramming it all into the log. As I pulled at the familiar heat within, my body shimmered and shifted into its other form.

I ran back to them and glanced at Nessie. She was still wearing the fitted t-shirt and dark jeans she had dressed in earlier that day. "Skinny jeans" she called them. She looked great, all curves and legs, but I didn't think they'd be all that comfortable for vampire tracking.

_Oh what the hell._ I thought.

I knelt down next to her in a motion she'd recognize, and glanced at her to see what she wanted to do. She used to ride on my back all the time.

She laughed lightly and rolled her eyes a bit. "I think I'll run Jake, but thanks."

I stood quickly and shrugged. She hated being taken care of.

I turned then and we started in the direction of the school. As soon as we were running Seth started in with the questions.

_Ok, you have _got_ to tell me what that's all about. What's going on with you two… something I missed? _His thoughts flashed back to Nessie and I holding hands and my little "sympathetic gesture" from a minute ago.

I huffed a sigh and decided now was as good a time as any to answer his question. As we ran over the frozen earth and patches of ice and snow I flashed over the events of the last few days, starting with some of what he already knew about that pig Connor and his friends.

I thought about my "conversation" with Nessie when I returned home after Seth and I had dealt with Connor and his punk friends earlier that day, and then about her… reaction. Then I thought of my time in the cave, and what I decided while I was there.

When I flashed forward to what I found when I got home Seth gave a little growl under his breath. He didn't like Connor and the "moves" he had put on Renesmee either.

Nessie, who was running between us, turned and looked at me questioningly after hearing Seth's growl.

"Did I miss something Jake?"

I shook my head at her and then turned my attention back to Seth, who was yelling at me.

_**You've gotta be kidding me Jake! That prick had the nerve to come over to your house tonight, and kiss her on the cheek, **_**right in front of you**_**? I would've wiped that smirk off of his face… and then ripped his head off!**_

I thought of my reaction and Nessie stepping between us, how she had stopped me and then about my walking away to my room, and her asking Connor to go.

Then I thought about our time in my room afterwards. I showed him those first awkward moments, my questioning her, and then… our first kiss. I felt a small trickle of the flowing heat running through my veins as I relived that moment through my thoughts.

The memory ended with our embrace and Seth knocking at the door.

_Wow. Sorry man. I guess I sort of had really bad timing tonight. That's great though. You, and Nessie… I mean, I guess we all knew it was bound to happen someday. Seemed like you were a bit surprised though._

_What? I _was_ surprised. You mean to tell me that you weren't? _I stared over Renesmee's head at Seth in confusion. What was he talking about?

_I'm _talking_ about the way she's been looking at you for the last few months. She's had her eye on you for a while now Jake. I thought you knew when you accepted the idea of moving out here with her. But then you did move… and nothing happened so… I don't know. I just guessed that you promised Edward you wouldn't start anything while you two were away and living together._

My steps faltered a bit at Seth's mention of Edward. _Oh_ _shit_. I hadn't even thought about Edward yet. He wasn't going to like this. He was very overprotective, and he had been really worried about her getting romantically involved when she was so young.

Seth barked a little laugh at my reaction. Thankfully Nessie seemed to understand that we were having a private conversation and didn't ask any more questions.

I was suddenly really grateful for every mile of space from Forks to Juneau that allowed us some time to deal with things without Edward being involved. I _had_ promised Edward that I would keep Renesmee safely away from any of the young men making "advances" toward her while we were here. I assumed at the time that he meant pigs like Connor… and I definitely was _not_ going back on that promise. But… Seth said that he had noticed Nessie's feelings for me for months now. It sounded like he knew before we moved. If that was the case then surely Edward knew what she was thinking too. Had he known about this before we moved here? Is _that_ why he was giving her such a hard time over leaving home… because she was coming here with _me_? Hmmmmm.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I caught the scent. Seth was right… there was definitely a foreign vampire on the loose in Juneau. We slowed a bit and as I glanced over at them I could see that Seth and Nessie had caught a whiff of it too.

_Thanks for the confidence, O Fearless Leader, _Seth grumbled. _Yes I _know_ I was right. It's the same scent as before. I think it's headed east, toward the river._

We turned and headed east a bit toward the Kuskokwim river. The scent was stronger and a bit fresher the closer we got. Within minutes we were standing at the river's edge, where the scent suddenly disappeared.

"Looks like they took a swim down the river, but… that's odd." Nessie said, looking quizzically at the water. "Why would they swim?"

I understood what she was saying. Vampires usually used water as an escape route, it wasn't a preferred mode of travelling.

"We're not too far from camping trails though. What if it was stalking or chasing someone and they had made it to the river. If they were hunting they might have gone in after their prey…" Nessie trailed off here and glanced slowly up and down the river… like she was looking for signs of an attack or, more likely, a body.

We spread out a bit, Seth heading north up the river bank, Nessie and I heading south looking for any clue about where the vampire had gone or why it had been there. A few minutes later we met back where we had started, with nothing to show for our search.

_Ok, _I thought, _let's back track a bit, see where it was coming from. Maybe we can get a better picture of what it was doing here in Juneau._

Seth nodded and turned back toward the west.

I huffed at Nessie and leaned my head in Seth's direction. She nodded and followed too.

We followed the scent all the way to the edge of the city. The University of Juneau bordered on the edge of the forest and the campus theatre was in sight. We were about five miles away from our house and Seth's apartment. We couldn't head any farther because someone might see us. Strangely though, I didn't think we had to.

I sniffed carefully again. The trail seemed to stop here, at the edge of the forest. I looked at Seth and he just shrugged his mammoth shoulders at me.

_I don't know man, I guess it's possible. If the scent stops here… the only way I would have caught the scent that strongly is if the vamp was standing right here when the play let out… and Olivia and I… and all the other people… were… were… ._

He didn't have to finish that thought for me. I understood the horror in his thoughts only too well. If the scent stopped here it meant that Seth, Olivia, and all of those other people had been mere _feet_ from a foreign and possibly thirsty vampire tonight. This was not good.

Nessie was looking up, glancing at both Seth and I and then at the campus buildings as we shared our silent conversation. She seemed to be debating about something for a moment.

"Jake," she said, turning towards me, "I'm going to head across the street to see if this is where the trail really ends. We have to know how close they got to all those people tonight. What if someone had come on their own… or one of the cast was leaving late… we just have to know whether or not they crossed the street to get to someone."

I whined and leaned in, shaking my head in an emphatic _NO! _at her. There was a strange vampire on the loose and she wanted me to let her sniff out it's trail alone? Just across the street or not… I did NOT like this idea.

_Jake_, Seth said, interrupting my plea with her _She's got a point. We need to know how far it went, and whether or not it… found someone. All she has to do is dash out of the trees and then 30 feet across the road. The scent is weak, the vamp hasn't been here for hours. We'll be right here watching her every move. If something happens, we jump in, no questions asked. I doubt anyone would see us at this time of night._

I knew he was right. Judging by the moon it was almost 3 am. The chances of anyone seeing us were slim. And the scent _was_ really weak. I still didn't like it, but I cocked my head in the direction of the road to let Nessie know she should go.

I followed her right out to the edge of the forest, barely hidden by a couple of small trees. My chest tightened a bit and my hackles rose, hating the fact that she was exposing herself to potential danger and moving away from me.

Her eyes wide and senses alert, she stalked out of the cover of the trees in her hunting stance and over to the street. She stopped for a second or two, inhaling, and then made her way across the road. She stopped about 5 feet from the edge of the asphalt on the other side and spun towards us. She straightened up here, looked around carefully, and then made her way back. I was relieved the second she was back and I could feel the heat of her body standing next to mine.

"The scent stopped a few feet from the edge of the road. It was so faint I could barely detect it. There was nothing when I headed across the road or over on the other side. They didn't go any further. It's a dead end."

We stood for a minute or two, just thinking. This didn't make much sense to me. What was the vampire doing waiting out on the side of the road after the play ended? Was he or she just curious or… were they looking for someone.


	10. Weekend Plans

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 10 –Weekend Plans**

**RPOV**

We decided to call it a night after I sniffed out the last of the stranger's scent near the campus. I was exhausted. It had been a long day. When we got close to the spot where Jake and Seth had left their things I told Seth to go ahead of us so he could phase and dress in private. I stayed back with Jake and waited.

The moon was bright tonight, there were no clouds to hide its light. In the dense cover of the trees there was just enough light to make out Jake's massive wolf-form. His russet-coloured fur looked more like a murky shade of dark brown, the red hues completely drowned out by the blues of the moonlight and darkness under the cover of the trees.

I stared at him and tentatively reached up with my hand, laying it on the soft fur beneath his ear. As I looked into his eyes I was silently questioning… _is this ok? _He dipped his head a bit so I wouldn't have to reach so high. On all fours as a wolf Jake was still almost a head taller than me. I ran my hand slowly down his soft fur from behind his ear, down his neck, to his throat and then trailed my hand up, back to the same spot to do it again.

A subtle whimper broke from his throat as he leaned into my palm. As I stood beside him, gently stroking and fingering the soft fur, enjoying the texture and the soft rumbling purr now coming from his throat, I thought about so many things. This day had been eventful, in so many different ways. I was struggling to organize all of my thoughts and… feelings about it.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was struggling with that last part. I was just _feeling_ so much, so strongly lately. It's like it would come in waves. One minute I was a completely rational human being capable of being logical and reasonable about things, and the next I was overwhelmingly hot with anger and frustration, tense and shaking or self-conscious and shy and I would want to retreat into myself, hide and come out when the coast was clear of whatever it was that triggered the strong emotional response.

Like just now, when I had touched Jacob's fur… this was nothing new to us. I have always stroked Jake's fur, rubbing or lightly scratching through it... and depending on our moods it was either playful or soothing. But now, after the earlier events of the evening, I was so… so… _unsure_. I felt the need to look him in the eye and get confirmation to do something that was always just routine for us. Somehow, it seemed more… intimate tonight. I had done it earlier with the door to Jake's room too. Knocking and just waiting. And then much earlier, when Jake and I were "talking" about Connor, and I cried, and stroked his arm without thinking. It all felt necessary at the time, like I couldn't just be relaxed and _normal_. The emotions would just… take over. It made me feel so, out of control somehow. Like my _re_actions were the only course of action to be taken. I couldn't bring myself to see other options while I was so emotional.

I wondered briefly if humans felt like that all the time. How frustrating, to have your logic and reason overruled and discarded by these unpredictable and strong waves of sudden emotion. It was annoying, confusing, and exhausting.

Jacob huffed a small sigh and turned his face toward me, gently nuzzling my cheek. He seemed to sense my unease. I leaned into it and sighed once myself, allowing my eyes to slip closed and my mind to empty. I was tired. It had been a long and emotional day. I remembered Jake saying he wanted to talk more tonight, but I was really hoping he would be ok with waiting until morning. We had a lot to discuss and I was in no shape to do anything but sleep for the rest of the night.

I continued to stroke his fur, with his soft, warm, furry cheek pressed into mine, my eyes closed, the sounds of Jake's gentle purring lulling me, relaxing me.

I was startled when Seth made his way back to us and lightly cleared his throat. I jumped a bit at the sound, pulling away from Jake and turning to see Seth looking at us, cocking an eyebrow and… smirking? I rolled my eyes and looked at Jake questioningly to confirm whether or not he had told Seth about earlier. He rolled his eyes back, more at Seth than at me I think, and gave one simple nod.

He sighed again and began to walk in the direction Seth was coming from, going to shift back to human and get his clothes I supposed.

Seth chuckled and said "Hey Ness, I just called Olivia. She said something about a project you two were doing this Sunday. Where are you guys planning to work?"

I yawned. "Spike's I think. We may need to get a few books from the library, so I thought being on campus would be better."

"Oh, that's good actually. I was thinking that maybe Jake and I could do a run up the river tomorrow, see if we can figure out where the vampire got out. I'd feel better knowing that you girls were in a public place.

I nodded. "Sounds like a good plan. Do you mind letting Olivia know, Seth? I'm kind of beat."

He nodded. When he didn't say anything else I assumed he was just waiting for Jake to come back, but a few seconds later he closed the small gap between us and spoke in a hushed whisper.

"I think it's great about you and Jake, Nessie. Can you just… can you do me a favour?"

I looked up at him. My eyelids were drooping a bit and my brain felt a bit sluggish because I was so tired. What could Seth want me to do?

I nodded as his head twitched slightly to the left, probably listening to Jake getting dressed. He'd be back soon.

He continued in a rush, "Just… take it easy on Jake, go slow… you know. He had no clue… ."

He chuckled a little here, shaking his head from side to side and stepping away. I could hear Jakes footsteps as he jogged back to where we were.

Wow. I guess he truly had no idea where I was coming from. I must really have shocked him this evening. I sighed. He must have been so confused. I thought he left the house because he was upset, but, maybe he just needed to think.

Seth was still smiling slightly when he returned.

"What?" Jake asked, looking at Seth, exasperated.

"Nothing." Seth said, still smiling. "If you guys are all set I'm just going to head back to Olivia's."

Jake snorted. "You still sneaking in at night, man? I thought for sure you'd have been caught by now."

"Hey, give a guy some credit. I'm sure any _normal_ guy would get caught climbing in and out of there, but me? Werewolf here, remember?"

"Yeah, well, play safe." Jake said with a laugh.

Seth nodded and rolled his eyes. "And that right there is my cue to leave. Night Ness. See you Sunday." He waved and loped off through the tree, back toward campus.

I felt warm fingers slip through mine and turned to see Jake inspecting my expression. He cocked his head to the side.

"What?" he said.

"Play safe? What was that all about?" I mean, it was the middle of the night. What did he think they'd be doing… playing full contact sports?

"Uhhhh," he said, and it was hard to tell in this light, but I _think_ he may have blushed a bit.

"Nothing." He said hastily and began walking through the trees towards home, tugging me along by my hand.

Nothing? I was honestly too tired to think about this right now. I shuffled alongside Jake, our hands swinging slightly as we walked. If Seth and Jake had some sort of inside joke about whatever he was sneaking into Olivia's room to do at night, they…

_Oh… OH_! I thought. I blushed and looked at my feet as I walked. Well, maybe they weren't playing full contact sports, per say, but my theory was probably close enough.

No wonder Jake didn't say anything. I decided not to bring it up again either, I was too tired to deal with all of the nervousness and embarrassment I was likely to feel talking to Jake about _that_ topic tonight.

We walked for a couple of minutes in silence before we reached the house. Jake unlocked the door and let us in. I shuffled down the hall towards our rooms and stopped just outside my door. Jake's was a few more steps down the hall and on the opposite side.

He met me there, standing in the hall, and took both of my hands. He stepped forward once so that the entire lengths of our bodies were touching, just slightly, arms and hands down to our sides.

I may have been exhausted, but at that moment every millimeter of skin touching his felt hot, tingly and _very_ awake.

He leaned his head down to look into my eyes.

"Tired?" he asked.

I sighed. I figured it was best to try and ignore the heat and tingling my body was feeling in reaction to his.

I nodded.

"Kay," he said "I guess we should both get some sleep. It's kinda been a long day hasn't it?"

I nodded again.

He paused, leaning his head down so that our foreheads were touching.

_So good, _I thought. Every time he touches me… every new millimeter of contact feels so good. It made me feel greedy… and I wanted more.

I leaned in slightly, adding a bit more pressure to feel my body press more firmly up against his.

His hands shook a bit, not like they were shaking earlier, this was more of a shiver.

When he opened his mouth to speak I could feel his warm breath wash over my face with every word.

"Do you have plans for tomorrow?"

I slowly shook my head no, careful not to break contact in any way.

"Good. I'd like to take you somewhere… special. A little place by the lake. It's a good place to talk… . Is that ok with you?"

I nodded because I knew we needed to talk tomorrow, and that this was a good idea, but right now with my body pressed up against his I honestly couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.

"Kay.", he said, and sighed slightly.

I felt his head move and tilt minutely. Not wanting to wait another second I moved mine up to his, our lips meeting in the middle.

The heat and tingling I felt intensified now and shot through my veins, igniting a fire deep inside me.

I released my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his waist, one hand moving slowly up to his shoulder.

He moved his hands to my hips, pulling me in tighter.

Our lips moved in perfect synchronization, slow and soft at first, and then, as the flash heat began to grow into a smoldering fire within me I sped up, Jake kept pace with me.

My heart was thumping wildly, pushing the hot, smoldering blood through my veins… and it just felt _so good._

Jake must have felt it to, he was soon just as eager as I was, his lips parting more with each pass against mine.

Suddenly, he slowed, taking my bottom lip in his and then, ever so lightly, I felt his tongue sweep over it, warm and wet and smooth.

I shivered from head to toe with pleasure, my lips parting a bit more. He released my lip and tilted his head slightly to the side and gently moved his tongue into my mouth, finding mine and caressing it slowly with his.

I responded, allowing my tongue to mimic the movements of his, pushing lightly, sliding, tasting… _oh God,_ I thought and shivered again. Every nerve in my body was alive and smoldering with heat.

I tightened my grip on him, yet again, sliding my other hand to the small of his back and pressing him to me. I just couldn't seem to get _close_ enough. As I pressed him to me I allowed a small glimmer of my thoughts to seep through... flashes of heat, tingling and that need to be closer.

Suddenly, Jake made the tiniest sound, low and soft coming from his throat – and with that, he pulled away. His lips left mine and although he stepped back a bit to put a couple of inches between us, he left his forehead on mine and grabbed my hands again.

Were we on fire? Was the house burning down around us? Had the strange vampire lurking around found us? I didn't know and honestly couldn't say that I cared.

As we stood there gasping for air, I tried to calm my heart. It was beating so quickly and so hard I thought it would thump right out my chest.

"I think," Jake said between gasps, "I think it's time we say goodnight." His voice was thick and husky.

I nodded, not knowing if my voice would make it out while I was still gasping and panting for air.

He lifted his head to place his lips on my forehead lightly.

"Good night Renesmee." he said and backed away until he was almost touching the other wall.

"Night Jake." I managed to whisper, and then watched as he turned and walked the three short steps to his room. He went in and closed the door behind him.

I fumbled into my own room, hastily closing the door behind me, and changing into my sweats and a fitted tank to sleep in. I didn't check to see if they matched… who cared? I could barely bring myself to think about anything besides _that kiss. _

I flopped down onto my bed. The exhaustion that I had felt so strongly just before we kissed had all but vanished.

My heart was still racing, pumping heat and a dull echo of the tingle through my veins. As I lay there I wondered if Jake was having a hard time calming down too. He certainly seemed to be just as affected by this as I was.

I think, though I'm not entirely sure, but I think that little sound may have even been a moan. It's not like I could blame him. My thoughts, what I showed him, were definitely in the same place.

As I pulled back the covers and lay in my bed, I thought about this long and very eventful day. I waited for my heart to slow and hoped to drift off to sleep soon. The sooner I slept, the sooner I could get up and spend the day with Jake.

**JPOV**

I shut the door to my room behind me and made my way to my bed, thanking God and whatever other deities I could think of for the lack of natural light in that hallway.

My body felt so _alive._ I had no idea how she would react when I kissed her like that… it just felt right, so I did it. She certainly didn't mind. Actually, it was just the opposite. She _loved _ it. The way she kissed me back left me breathless. I was smoldering with heat from head to toe. My heart was pumping a mile a minute, the lava-like blood flowed through my veins again.

Once again, I had to break off the kiss when she showed me her thoughts. She showed me the heat again, along with some kind of tingling sensation under her skin… it was so, amazing? No, incredible?

_God who am I kidding_, it was _hot_. And if that was it, I might have been able to keep kissing her for a little while longer. But when I saw what came next… I just knew we had to stop.

I saw an image, just a flash, of her and I… limbs tangled up together, me pressing her against the wall, kissing… touching… _so close._

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I think I actually moaned a tiny bit at the thought. My _body_ certainly wasn't objecting to the image.

The hot blood flowing through my veins immediately rerouted itself to _one area_ just thinking about it. I felt like a 17 year old kid again, with raging hormones… geez. That was one of the reasons I broke contact with her and pulled away, and the very same reason I was thankful for the lack of light in the hallway.

The second reason was that I… well… if I was being honest with myself, I felt it too. That _need_ to be closer. It was like I was being pulled to her, the need getting stronger with each passing second, my resistance fading with it. I knew that if we kept going, we were likely to end up on that wall, and then the need would only be stronger, the resistance weaker… and where did we go from there?

I knew how Nessie was feeling, but we needed to stop and slow down a bit.

So, with every ounce of strength and resistance I could muster, I stopped kissing her, and put some distance between us. My body felt cold where she had been pressed against it and my arms felt a bit hollow and empty, so I grabbed her hands and kept our foreheads touching so I wouldn't be tempted to pull her to me again.

We were gasping and panting and trying to catch our breath when we said goodnight and headed for our rooms.

I really wanted to talk to her the next day, find out what she'd been thinking, what she wanted and needed from me… from us. She had showed me her thoughts and feelings twice that night, but both times it had been in the middle of kiss. Sure, she knew what she wanted in that moment, but how far had she thought it through?

My mind was reeling a bit from the day's events… so much had changed in the past twelve hours.

I decided to follow through on my plans from before. I was going to take Nessie to the cave by Lake Auke, bring a picnic.

I laid in bed, planning what to bring and hoping my little _situation_ would correct itself while I thought about food for a while. I certainly wasn't going to be "taking care of it" myself with her and her half-vampire hearing only 15 feet down the hall. Thoughts of sandwiches and salads would just have to do the trick.


	11. Just Us

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 11 – Just Us**

**JPOV**

I woke early the next morning, just as the sun was starting to come up. I stretched and rolled over in my covers thinking of the plans I had for the day. I was a little worried, nervous even. It was a big day. This would be our first official date.

It all felt a little backwards to me. Traditionally, when two people "like" each other, they date first and kiss after. They spend time getting to know each other, and then fall in love. Nessie and I had loved each other from the time she was born, not romantically or anything or course, but we definitely loved each other. Traditionally people are with someone they love, so they decide to move away together to _be_ together. We of course moved away first and were now trying to be _together_ the way a couple would.

I shook my head. This werewolf and half-vampire pairing of ours was as far from traditional as you could get. I decided to do what I could though. To make it as "normal" as I could. The last thing I wanted was for Renesmee to feel like she was missing out on anything by being with me. It didn't make a whole lot of difference to me. I needed her like I needed the air. It didn't matter what she was to me - friend, sister… lover. As long as I could be with her, and make her happy… be who she _needed_ and _wanted_, I would be happy. She had been so emotional, I doubted if she could really tell what she needed from what she wanted. I only knew I would do my best to try and figure it out.

I rolled out of bed and decided to pack first. I could hear Nessie's soft, even breathing down the hall that told me she was still sleeping. I didn't want to wake her by running the shower.

I went into our tiny attached garage to look for my camping backpack. I bought it from that Newton guy a few years ago when we were still in Forks. Nessie loved to camp, and we had gone on a few trips with either her family or mine and the wolves. Newton was a jerk, but he knew his shit when it came to camping. The bag was great and was still almost good as new even though it had been used a few times a year.

I rolled my eyes when I thought about the last time I pulled it out. It was for Newton's wedding. His girlfriend, or wife I should say, Jessica was in love with the idea of a beach wedding… but living in Forks there wasn't a lot of selection. So, they decided to get married on First Beach in La Push. What a production that was. There were florists, decorators, photographers, videographers and co-coordinators all over the place for an entire week before the wedding. I thought the whole point of a beach wedding was that the scenery was already there. The massive floral arrangements, tents, arches, pillars and dance floor she had rented blocked some really great views, but hey, what did I know.

The guys and I decided to take a camping trip for the day of the actual event to escape the chaos. Poor Billy was stuck there to witness the spectacle up close. I chuckled thinking about the smirk on his face when he told me that it rained them right off the beach only 10 minutes into the ceremony.

I packed lunch and my iPod and speakers first then headed back outside to grab a large blanket and a few other essentials. Once the bag was packed I decided to head back inside to shower and get dressed. The sun was up now and I was sure Nessie would be up soon.

I heard the shower running when I got in. Huh, it was a little early for her to be up.

I chuckled.

Maybe it wasn't just me that felt that strange excitement teenagers get before heading out on their first date… except for her it wasn't strange, it was completely normal. She _was_ a teenage girl about to head out on her first date.

I headed to my room, made my bed and picked out an outfit while she finished up in the shower. By the time I was done I heard her make her way to her room to get dressed.

_Well_, I thought, _that oughta take a while._

Lately Nessie took forever to get ready for anything remotely important. I never really understood that. I had seen her almost every day of her life and she was beautiful one day to the next, no matter what she was wearing or how she did her hair.

I snorted. _Girls_.

Since I knew she'd be a while getting herself ready, I jumped in the shower. I turned the water to hot and I tried to focus on the rhythm of the beads hitting my skin to calm my nerves.

I sighed. There weren't many drawbacks to being a wolf, but this was one of them. A hot, relaxing shower would have been nice on a day like today. But my body temperature made it impossible to feel heat of any kind, really. When you run a temperature of one oh eight, water at one oh two doesn't do much for you.

After a minute or two I decided that lukewarm water wasn't really going to cut it. I thought for a minute and then opted for the opposite as a distraction. I grabbed the knob and cranked the water all the way to cold.

That was better. It wasn't like the water made me feel chilly or cold, but at least this way the difference in temperature was a noticeable distraction. I washed up feeling refreshed while enjoying the opportunity to focus on something else, and that helped me relax. I felt much better as I stepped out to towel off and brush my teeth.

She was still in her room getting ready when I headed back to mine. I dressed in the dark jeans and cobalt blue t-shirt I had picked out earlier and then headed down the hall to get the bag. Nessie would be glad to see the outfit I picked. She bought it for me this summer. That was seriously the only reason I knew the shirt was cobalt blue. She and Alice decided it was the best shade of blue to go with my eyes or something. Girls cared about stuff like that.

I didn't really see much of a difference. I always thought black was the most practical option for shirts… didn't show too much dirt, went with everything… _God, now I was sounding like a girl._ Either way, I hadn't worn it yet, so it was sure to get a smile out of her first thing. She loved it when I wore what she bought for me, which wasn't often.

I made my way down the hall, slipped on my shoes and grabbed the bag. Just as I was setting the bag by the front door I heard her turn the knob to her door. I fixed a loose strap and then turned my head to see her step out of her room.

Suddenly, I was wishing that shower was a whole lot colder and a whole lot longer.

**RPOV**

I debated for a while about what to wear for our date that morning. I shivered with pleasure at the thought. _I_ was going on a _date _with Jake. A couple of days ago it seemed impossible… I never would have thought…

I shook my head and focused on my options. He said we were going to a little place on the lake. I wanted to wear something nice, to look good, but I decided that comfortable would be the way to go. I smiled. Comfortable was something that I hadn't been feeling around Jake for a while. I missed that. I really hoped that we could rid ourselves of the awkwardness soon. It wasn't natural for us to feel that way with each other.

After trying a few different pairs of jeans and shirts I still wasn't happy. I needed to find a balance between comfortable and something attractive.

Just as I thought of that, it hit me. I picked out a pair of thick black leggings and my long, fitted teal blue shirt, the one with a hint of grey to it. Aunt Alice said this was my best colour. The shirt was simple, with long sleeves and a boat neck, and came down to about mid-thigh. I thought about accessories and even tried a few on, then I felt silly for wanting to wear accessories when we would likely be walking quite a bit and maybe even climbing the beach rocks. I chose to keep things simple. No jewelry for today. Jake always said I didn't need it anyway.

With this thought I turned to my hair. It was almost dry now. There was tons of it, and most people would have spent an hour drying and styling my waist length curls, but with my body temperature it dried fairly quickly into its soft and abundant curls. I had only been out of the shower for about half an hour. Hmmm, I loved my hair down, but if it was windy up would be best. I checked the trees as I peered out of the window. The sun was shining and the air was mostly still, the bare branches barely moving or swaying. I opted to keep my hair down, but bring a hair tie with me in my bag, just in case.

I found my black leather ballerina flats and put them on to complete the outfit. If there was one thing my half-vampire physiology afforded me it was the ability to be physically agile in just about any kind of footwear. I could hike in 4-inch heels easily and comfortably if I wanted to.

I gave myself one last look over in the mirror. My outfit was comfortable and appropriate for whatever Jake had planned, and it hugged all of my curves in all the right places. It wasn't revealing or frumpy. My hair and eyes were looking just the way Aunt Alice said they would in this colour.

Satisfied with the way I looked I grabbed my black hair tie and headed out to meet Jake.

I glanced down the hallway to where I heard him, by the door. I smiled a bit when I realized he had sort of dressed up for me too. He was wearing the fitted cobalt blue t-shirt and dark jeans I had picked out for him on my last shopping trip with Aunt Alice. Once again, Aunt Alice was right. He looked amazing in that colour. He was all dark skin, black hair and muscle. Gorgeous.

Hearing me emerge from my room, he turned a bit to see me. The look on his face when he saw me made me blush a bit and stopped me dead in my tracks. His eyes widened a bit as he looked me over from head to toe. His lips parted and he sucked in a small gasp. His expression twisted a bit but before I could decide what it had shifted to he turned his attention back to the camping bag at his feet.

_Great_, I thought, _I was really hoping not to feel awkward or self-conscious today, but here I am already worrying about my outfit and Jake's reaction to seeing me in it. _

I decided to do my best to shake it off. I took a deep breath and walked slowly to where Jake was fiddling with the straps on the bag, hoping my blush would fade a bit faster.

"Hey." I said in a voice just above a whisper. He stopped fiddling with the straps and turned to stand and face me.

"Hey." he said. He took a breath through his nose and looked into my eyes. "You look… gorgeous."

I blushed again, hotter this time. _He_ thought _I_ looked _gorgeous._

And then I snickered.

"What?" he asked, looking a bit offended that I was laughing at his compliment, and I giggled even more.

I tried to stifle my giggles to explain.

"No, no… Jake," _snicker, "_Thank you. I mean, I was hoping you'd like my outfit." I giggled once more and then shook my head and continued. "It's just that I was thinking exactly the same thing when I saw you standing there, not even a minute ago." I managed to get out.

"I love that colour on you." I said, trying to steady my voice so he would know that I meant it.

His eyebrows shot up a bit and suddenly I was worried that I had offended him with my comment.

"Gorgeous," he said a bit incredulously. "Well, it's not the most masculine compliment I've ever received but… thanks."

He shook his head, and his face relaxed, apparently deciding that "gorgeous" was ok and began to chuckle a bit. He looked up into my eyes and suddenly we were both laughing harder than we had in a while. We were both doubled over hanging on to each other completely laughing our butts off.

It may have been a nervous reaction to all of the tension we'd had between us lately, but I was pretty sure that it was more than that. We were laughing at ourselves. All of this pent up apprehension and confusion… worrying about what the other person thinks and feels.

It was so _silly. _I think we both knew it then.

This was just us. We were Jake and Nessie, heading out for a day by the lake. We had feelings for each other, but that was nothing new. We always loved and cared for each other, it was just growing into a new kind of love… deeper yes, but still not different enough to change everything.

As our laughter subsided I reached out and took Jake's hand, feeling the warmth spread from his fingers and palm to mine, and sighed with pleasure.

He smiled and turned to give me a light kiss on the cheek.

I smiled at him in return. I felt so much better. This was how things with us were supposed to be. Comfortable and happy. I knew that much. It was our routine, spending time together, being happy and having fun. Not much had changed.

We were just adding some new and _wonderful_ things to our routine.

"Ready?" he asked, pulling the backpack up onto his shoulder, while keeping my hand in his.

I nodded and followed him, grabbing my long black knit sweater as he led me out of the door.


	12. First Question

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 12- First Question **

**JPOV**

As we stepped outside the sun was shining and the air was crisp, cool and fresh. It was nice living out here. We were close to campus, only about 10 minutes out by car, but our little cabin house was the only thing around for miles. It gave us a lot of privacy. We still rarely took chances. I was always careful to stay within the forest boundaries when I was in my wolf form. Nessie always acted like an average human while we were in any sort of position to be seen or heard in the unlikely chance that we got some unexpected visitors.

When we reached the edge of the trees I paused and turned look at Nessie. The sun was shining through the branches of the trees, small beams of it casting warm sunlight in waves and ripples across her face and hair. She had the most flawless and beautiful skin. She was pale, with a very light peach undertone. In natural light her skin shimmered a bit. It was nothing like the glaringly obvious sparkle regular vampires had that kept them from being in the sun in front of humans. Her skin just seemed to… glow.

Her hair was long and the same odd copper shade as her fathers, and it hung down to her waist in long, loose waves and subtle curls. It was shiny… almost like silk.

A light breeze blew and pushed a small clump of her hair across her face. I reached out to brush it away and tuck it behind her ear, letting my hand graze over her cheekbone as it made its way over her face and behind her ear. Her skin and hair were so soft.

She looked up at me and smiled softly.

She was so beautiful.

"I brought a hair tie with me, just in case I needed it. Do you think I should put it up?" she asked softly.

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. We're going to be running a bit from here though. So, it's up to you I guess."

She smirked and cocked an eyebrow at me, then reached around to gather her hair up and tie it loosely in the back.

"Well, back is probably best if I'm going to be kicking your butt running through the forest." She said confidently.

I smiled widely. She could be so competitive sometimes. She was adorable when she was so feisty… and _wrong. _We raced all the time, and she was really fast… but not quite enough to "kick my butt" as she put it. She usually came in a close second. She had won a couple of times, but only because I let her… and first date or not, today was _not _going to be one of those days.

"Sure, Ness." I said winking at her. I pointed south and said "we're going to run this way until we reach that massive fallen evergreen, then turn east towards the beach. First one to lay a foot on the sand wins."

I winked and smiled, then adjusted the straps on the backpack to make sure it was on firmly enough not to shift over or fall off during the run.

"Right, got it. South to the great fallen evergreen and then east until I plant my foot in the sand and declare victory." She nodded. "Ready?"

I snorted. She _was _confident today. Hmmmm, that gave me an idea.

"Care to make this a bit more interesting Ness?"

Her smirk fell a bit and her eyebrows knitted together slightly. "Interesting how?"

"Well, since we are racing to win I thought maybe the winner should get a prize… and braggers rights of course."

"Alright," she said, the curiosity plain in her voice "I'm listening. What do you have in mind?"

She cocked her hear to the side in contemplation as she stared at me, waiting for my answer. She rarely wore her hair up. With it back like that and her head off to the side I could see every inch of her long, graceful neck. I let my eyes wander from her jaw down to the collarbones that were just barely peeking out of the top of her shirt.

I took a deep breath and shook my head a bit to distract myself from the sight of it.

"Well, we have a lot to talk about today. So, I was thinking that the winner could get to ask the first 10 questions."

"Ten?" she asked uncertainly.

I nodded. Ten did seem like a bit much to me. There was really only one question I need her to answer. I was curious about the rest though… and since I knew her as well as I did I knew that she was probably curious about a few things too.

She thought of a few seconds a then nodded slowly.

"Ok, winner gets bragging rights and the first set of questions. But ten seems a bit high. What about five? Each person has to answer every question with complete honesty, and the loser gets the next set of five questions."

I didn't need to think very long about that, it seemed fair to me. Once she answered my question she could ask as many as she wanted of me, and I was always honest with her. So I nodded in agreement.

"Ok, so winner gets bragging rights and the first five questions. Loser has to answer them all honestly and then gets five of their own. Sounds fair to me."

I cocked an eyebrow at her and continued as she smiled and nodded.

"So, I guess I'll see you at the finish line… when you get there." I laughed a bit as I took off, sprinting through the trees.

_Damn_ she was quick. I was hoping to get a few second advantage over her by starting without warning, but she must have suspected I'd do it because she was right on my heels.

I was weaving in and out of trunks, ignoring the brittle winter branches of the trees scraping my arms and face. There was a bit of a low lying limb coming out of one of the evergreens ahead, so I shortened my stride a bit and leapt over it as I passed.

I heard her tinkling laugh at the same time I saw her pass me after ducking under the limb without having to break pace at all.

I tightened my jaw and shook my head slightly as I forced my legs to move faster, closing the gap between us.

We passed the great fallen evergreen and turned east, neck and neck in our race, one of us always one or two steps in front of the other. She was getting faster. I couldn't remember her ever being able to keep pace with me like this before.

We raced this way, a constant changing battle for first, until we could hear the small lapping sounds of the lake water on rock. We were close. Another twenty steps or so and we'd be out on the beach. I gathered all of my remaining strength and ran in a full out sprint to the beach.

Nessie sped up too and almost matched the speed of my sprint - but not quite.

With a one last quiet step I broke out of the trees and set foot on sand… a mere 3 seconds before she did.

I turned to face her and chuckled at her scowling down at the sand like it had offended her. She hated to lose. She really shouldn't be upset though. I really had to push myself to come in ahead of her this time, and she's never kept pace with me like that before.

I decided not to comment on any of this though, not wanting to sour her mood for the rest of the morning. She was likely to sulk if I rubbed it in. I didn't even brag. Instead I placed my index finger under her chin to tilt it up, so that she was looking at me.

I grinned at her scowling face and used my other hand to point in the direction of the rock out cropping. The entrance to the little cave was hidden form us at this angle.

"This way." I said taking a step back and extending my hand. Her face relaxed and she sighed, taking my hand in hers.

We walked, hand in hand to the little outcropping and climbed them quickly until we stood in front of the entrance to the little cave. The sun was shining at angle that illuminated the front half of the small space brightly and left the back half covered in a light shadow. The ice glimmered and shone where it clung to the rock.

"Oh, Jake… it's perfect. It's like a little hidden escape right here on the edge of the lake. How did you find it?" Her eyes shone with curiousity as she tilted her head peering into the cave for a closer look.

"I found it a little while ago, while were out hunting, and we split up. I was saving it as a surprise for you. I'm glad you like it."

I pulled her just inside the entrance with me. She took a couple of seconds to look around as I set down the bag and pulled out the king-sized blanket. I laid it out on the floor while she watched with questions in her eyes. It was just big enough to cover the floor of the cave from side to side and reached to just about a foot before the entrance.

"I know we don't need it for warmth or comfort," I said "but the floor in here is kind of dirty to sit on, and I didn't want the food to get dirty either."

She nodded in understanding.

We sat beside each other in silence, leaning against the back wall of the cave, looking out over the lake and taking in the view. We were sitting so close that our arms and legs were lightly touching. I felt the warmth of her presence seep through me from one side, slowly over to the other. I reached down and took her hand. We sat like this for a while, just enjoying the view and the opportunity to be close to each other.

After a few minutes I decided I was ready to ask my first question. I wasn't going to beat around the bush. There was only one thing I really wanted to know.

"Ness," I said quietly, staring down at our hands.

"Mmmm," she answered, breaking her gaze from the water, her large brown eyes looking down to gaze at our hands too.

"What do you want from… this?" I asked squeezing her hand gently.

I turned to see her face. She was still staring at our hands, but she looked confused. So I decided to elaborate.

"I know you're interested in being something… more with me. And based on your actions and the thoughts you've shown me I have a pretty good guess as to what it is. I just really want to make sure that we're on the same page with everything."

She turned her face toward mine and seemed unsure of how to answer. She was biting her lip.

I frowned.

She must have been finding it difficult to express herself. Her emotions were strong and a bit erratic as her body flew through it's teenage development at unprecedented speed. This had to be a really hard conversation for her to have. I was asking her to say how she felt before I did and I could see that it was making her apprehensive. Well, I could fix that.

I decided to tell her how I felt about her, without getting into too much detail. She needed to know that I wanted to do this too, to date her, to be with her romantically… I just didn't know the best way to go about it until I knew what _she_ wanted. I took a deep breath.

"You know I love you… so much. You know I've loved you from the day you were born. You mean the world to me. You're the most important person in my life, and you're my best friend. And I know you feel the same way about me.

I also know that things between us are… changing… and I want you to know that I… that I want to be with you as more than a friend. I'm just not sure how."

I paused and sighed, looking back down at our hands, squeezing them together again and then looked back up into her large, chocolate brown eyes. She still looked confused, but she was smiling now, and much more relaxed.

"Ness, can you tell me what you want – how _you_ see this happening with us? I mean… we can't just ignore the fact that technically you're sixteen, and I'm twenty three. I just want to know what kind of… _romantic_ relationship you see for us."

Understanding lit up her eyes and she blushed a bit as she turned her gaze out toward the water.

I waited, letting her think. She was biting her lip again, but just seemed to be deep in thought this time. I was right. She hadn't really thought it through to that extent.

"I guess…" she said in a whisper "I guess I don't really know. I'm new at this… but I know how it feels - how _I_ feel, when you kiss me or touch me. I don't know if I can explain it Jake. I guess, well I think I kind of showed you before. I know that I want to be… _close_ to you."

I sighed and looked out at the lake too. Yes, I could feel that in her thoughts. She meant what she was saying. We both felt that desire, that _need_ to be closer to each other. But she was sixteen, and highly emotional and had no experience with any of this.

It wasn't like I had any experience either. But I knew what I wanted, and needed. I had been waiting for her my whole life.

She interrupted my train of thought here, speaking quietly, but confidently.

"I know I'm young, compared to you. But there are plenty of young people out there who are in relationships. When people love each other they want to be together. Being sixteen doesn't make me in any way less able to _love_ you."

She paused a bit and sighed deeply before she continued.

"I'm not your average sixteen year old girl. I may not have any experience with romance to compare this to, but that doesn't mean that I want it, or even need it. People that live in _our world _experience life differently from the rest. I've seen and experienced enough of life to know what I want. I've grown up surrounded by the purest and best examples of true love.

I love you Jacob. Nothing that happens out of true love can be wrong."


	13. I Love You

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**JPOV**

I was stunned and speechless. I could barely keep up with her. One minute she was shy and unsure and the next she was this confident and beautiful young woman.

She told me she loved me. My whole entire _being_ responded to that statement. Sure, she'd said it before, but not like this. The love we had before was about the strong bond we shared as best friends… this was something entirely different. From the day she was born I felt bonded to her in the strongest way, tethered to her by a thousand steel ropes and chains. This new feeling was even stronger. It was like the ropes and chains were alive and humming with electricity. It lit my heart, like she was the one responsible for every pulsing beat. It was staggering. I was reeling over it.

And she meant it. There was no shyness or uncertainty when she spoke this time. She loved me… and she wanted to be with me.

I turned to face her. She was no longer staring out at the water, but looking straight into my eyes. As I stared into hers I felt so conflicted… I wanted, no I _needed_ her in the strongest way possible, yet I didn't want to rush into it. I wanted to give her time. She said she loved me, and I believed her. And I loved her, but this was more complicated than that.

I took a deep breath and turned onto my knees to face her. I took both of her hands in mine and she turned on her knees to face me.

"I love you." I said, looking into her eyes… falling into the depths of them, and never wanting to resurface.

"I love you too." She whispered.

"Jake, why don't we just take things as they come? I mean, we don't have to rush into anything. We've got all the time in the world. Can't we just _be_ together, as a… couple, and work things out as we go? Isn't that what everyone does?"

I smiled and nodded. Taking things slow, dealing with them as they come... that sounded perfect.

I leaned down and kissed her, so softly our lips were barely touching. She sat very still, barely moving her lips to keep up with mine.

I took her face in my hands and brought her up to me, deepening the kiss, our tongues once again dancing with and caressing each other, while she wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt her shiver with pleasure at the feeling of being pressed up against me, kissing me. I trembled in return, feeling the hot molten lava flowing through my veins and the humming electric current buzzing straight through her and into my heart.

We kissed like that for a few minutes, when I felt one of her hands move to my neck. A vision crept into my mind again, flashing colours molding slowly into us in our embrace… only this time there was an aura of deep red around us… the fire and heat.

Unable to help myself I moaned again… not quietly, but a deep throaty sound.

She responded by kissing me even deeper and faster.

I broke the kiss again, but did not back away this time. We stared into each other's eyes both breathing heavily...

I slid my hands slowly down her face, my fingertips tracing her jaw, my thumbs brushing over her lips… _she was_ _so beautiful_.

As I moved my hands down her neck she closed her eyes and shivered. I slid my fingertips over her collarbones, tracing them slowly, feeling her skin, so smooth and soft stretched over them.

I ran my hands down her arms and then slowly snaked them around her waist, pulling her to me, as I leaned forward. I let my arms extend to lay her down on the floor, her arms still around my neck, me hovering a few inches above her.

She opened her eyes to look at me as I questioned her silently with mine – _Is this ok?_

She didn't answer, but used her arms to pull herself to me and kiss me softly… a silent yes.

I closed my eyes and kissed her back, slowly and gently… letting my body lower to hers inch by inch. I was aroused… and she could probably feel it. I hoped that was ok, because I really didn't want to break away from her right now.

She whimpered, so quietly I could barely hear, and shivered from head to toe. She pulled her lips away from mine to kiss my chin and began making her way up my jaw, littering it with small, hot kisses the entire way, until she made it to my ear and whispered just one breathy word…

"Jacob."

"Mmmmmm." was the only response I could muster. My entire body was burning and humming and felt so good pressed against her slender frame. I kissed her neck the way she had kissed me, with small, tiny kisses from her jaw, down to her collar bone and then back.

As I was kissing her I felt her hands slide away from neck, one down my back and the other over my shoulder. I felt the feather-light touch of her small fingertips running down my chest and shuddered a bit. I pulled back to put a couple of inches between us.

I kissed her mouth again, deeply, moving one hand up and around her neck to weave my fingers into her long, soft copper curls, propping myself up on that elbow. The other hand slid slowly over her shoulder.

With my index finger I traced her collarbone, from the outside in, making my way over to the base of her throat. Her skin was so soft. I breathed in, inhaling her scent. She smelled warm and sweet. She must have been using new bath products because I could smell a hint of peach mixed in with her usual scent. It reminded me of freshly baked peach cobbler… so sweet and intoxicating… it was almost edible. It made me want her even more.

Slowly and softly I trailed my finger down the center of her chest, her back arching ever so slightly as I trailed between her breasts, until I reached her stomach. We both shivered. I stopped kissing her and laid my forehead on hers to catch my breath and allow her to do the same. We stared at each other and got lost in our gazes.

I didn't want to say what I did next, but I knew I had to.

"Ness… I think we should stop." I punctuated the statement with a small kiss on her lips before allowing her to answer.

Her eyes fluttered closed. "Okay." She said with a sigh.

I chuckled and rolled myself over to lay on my back beside her, keeping one of her hands in mine. We didn't speak as we waited for our breathing to slow.

A vision, this one sudden, popped into my head as we lay there. It was her and I holding hands, smiling and laughing… the scenery around us was changing from here in the cave, to our little house, to school and even Forks. She was happy to be with me, wanting to go everywhere and do everything together, like this.

I smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Sounds nice." I said, softly nodding agreement.

The vision whisked away and was quickly replaced by another. This one made me laugh. It was her and I sitting on the floor of the cave having lunch. I wasn't paying attention to time, but judging by the sun it was probably close to noon. She was hungry… and come to think of it, so was I.


	14. Curiousity & Confirmation

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**JPOV**

I pulled out the lunch that I had prepared for us. Nessie sighed as she eyed the sandwiches and salads. I rolled my eyes. It had been a while since we had gone hunting last. We were overdue for a trip. Nessie really didn't have an appetite for human food. She said it all tasted like sawdust to her, dry and flavourless. The good thing about human food for her was that she could survive on it, if necessary. It was a great way for her to sustain herself between hunting excursions. But the longer it had been since we hunted the less appealing human food was.

I really didn't want to hunt right now though. We had so much to discuss.

"Alright," I said "how about sawdust for lunch and polar bear for supper?"

She smiled brightly at me and took a ham sandwich from the pile. I took that as a yes.

We ate in silence for a while, enjoying the view and each other's company. Once we had finished our sandwiches and were nibbling on the fruit I decided to ask her the rest of my questions.

"So, have you thought about what you want to tell your family about us?"

She stopped mid chew. Her eyes grew a bit wider and then narrowed as pursed her lips. Hmmm, it seems like I hit a chord with that one. I could only guess that it had something to do with her father. I think we both knew that he wasn't going to be as accepting of this as some of her other family members might.

I let her think for a minute to sort things out. After a minute she sighed and looked in my direction, she was blushing. Wait, why was she blushing?

"You know, I think he knew… a bit, before we left," she said, her voice a low whisper "I think that's why he was resisting so strongly."

"What?" I asked. She smiled a bit and shrugged.

"It's sort of hard to keep things from him. You know, having a mind reading father doesn't allow me a lot of options for hiding these kinds of things." She mumbled and looked down at the blanket as she spoke.

I blinked, eyes wide and incredulous. What was she saying? That Edward knew she had feelings for me? How is that even possible? We've been here for months and he hasn't seen her since before we left. The only way that could be possible was if…

I looked down at the blanket. I noticed her hands in her lap. She was fidgeting, her fingers twisting together again and again. She was nervous again, and the only thing that could make her feel that way about saying this to me was if what I was thinking was true.

I shook my head a bit, trying to wrap my mind around what she was saying. If Edward knew about her feelings then she had to have been hiding them from me for quite a while. I thought back over our last few months in Forks, from the time she suggested we move out here. She had distanced herself from me a bit, not talking as much or as openly as she had before. There were a few more unexplained blushes and there was also a bit of awkwardness. At the time I had chalked it up to her adjustment to becoming a teenager. I tried to help her as much as I could, and giver her space to think, time alone when she needed it. I knew she was feeling awkward about things, and didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Her father could never give her that sort of privacy, but Bella and I had talked and she agreed with me that Nessie would probably need some time to sort things out for herself. But now that I thought about from this point of view – it was almost obvious.

I mentally kicked myself for being so _blind_. How could I have missed this? She obviously had feelings for me for quite a while. I was just so caught up in trying to take care of her that I had missed this… because I had forgotten to be her friend. She had hinted at the fact that I was treating her differently a couple of times, implying that I was patronizing her kind of like the rest of her family did. And I was.

I sighed and reached for her hands, placing mine on top of hers. I rubbed the backs of her hands with my thumbs to stop her from fidgeting. I looked up at her face as she continued to stare at our hands.

"Ness," I whispered "I'm so sorry. That must have been so hard for you. I can't believe I didn't figure it out. I'm an ass aren't I?"

She giggled and glanced up at me, her lips twitching up to one side, as she slowly nodded and then looked back down at the blanket.

Well, I guess I couldn't blame her for agreeing to that. I leaned in and gave her light kiss on the cheek, then hugged her.

I buried my face in her hair, so soft and fragrant. "Can you forgive me? I'm so sorry. If I had known… I probably could have saved you months of feeling uncomfortable." I whispered.

She giggled again and pulled away to look at my face. "It's ok Jacob. I really should have been honest with you from the start. You've never kept secrets from me and I haven't from you either. It was harder than I thought, and definitely not worth it. Besides, it's not like we could have acted on it at home without my father breathing down our necks the whole time anyway. In a way I'm glad. This gives us some time to figure ourselves out before having to explain anything to anyone. As for telling my family… well, it's not as though any of this will come as a surprise. I guess we'll just have to be honest with them and hope that they'll understand."

"Yeah, and that your father doesn't lunge for my throat when he hears that you and I are together like this." I chuckled and shook my head thinking about the conversation he had with me about protecting Nessie from the advances of the young men here in Juneau. "He's going to flip out a bit you know. He asked me to protect you from the guys up here, you know, make sure that you were being looked after and not taken advantage of. Considering that he knew you had feelings for me at the time, I'm pretty sure I should heed that as a warning."

I looked up at her and my eyes widened a bit processing her expression. Uh oh, she did not like that one bit. Her jaw was set and she had her eyes closed while she breathed in deeply through her nose, trying to calm herself I guessed.

She relaxed suddenly, her eyes opening and her lips pulled up into a smirk… ironically enough it was the same smirk her father often wore when he thought he had something brilliant to say.

"Well," she said haughtily, "I guess it's a good thing that you do such a great job of taking care of me and that I'm the one making the advances_. _He never said anything about trying not to let _me_ take advantage of _you._"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm sure Edward would have a few things to say about that statement, but if you really want to take advantage of me… who am I to argue?" I smirked and cocked an eyebrow at her while her jaw dropped a little and she stared at me.

"Next question." I said, changing the course of the conversation before she decided to act on my not so subtle suggestion. This one was not so serious, but I was dying to know the answer to it. Up to this point I had no clue about what was going on, and how any of this started for her. "I guess I sort of know some of the answer to this one already, but I'm curious to know a bit more. When did you figure it out? I mean, we see each other almost every day. Did I do something different or say something to… encourage you?"

She blushed deeply before looking at the floor. _Oh, this I've got to hear._ It takes a lot for her soft pale skin to bloom with that much colour. She looked like peach roses… and she was nervous, biting her lip again.

I leaned my head down and peeked up at her from under her hair. She slowly met my gaze and sighed. Her mouth twisted off to the side and her eyes travelled in the same direction, unable to look me in the eye while she spoke.

"It was the night you came over to discuss changing the boundary lines of the treaty with my father," she whispered. I thought back to that night and remembered that she was quiet when I got there, but I figured she was preoccupied because she left right away without saying hi to do something with Alice.

"It was pouring rain and when you came to the door… you were soaked, and your shirt… and the way you smiled at me… I- I was so glad when my father sent me upstairs to see aunt Alice, even if he did do it just because he was upset." I thought my eyes were going to pop right out of my head as I realized what she was saying. She realized she was _attracted_ to me that night, and her father was witness to it. She continued to look at the cave wall after she was done talking.

She seemed so embarrassed and self-conscious admitting this to me. I immediately felt bad for asking. It must be hard to admit and even harder to experience considering her father had been witness to the whole thing. No wonder she needed to get out of there so badly. I know what it's like having to share those thoughts with others. It happened all the time with us wolves, and of course, I had known Edward for a while too. I had years of experience to get over the embarrassment of it though, and she was new to it.

I felt the need to let her know that I wasn't embarrassed about that, nor would I be, if the tables were turned. I was flattered and a bit surprised, but I hope she didn't regret telling me. She hated being vulnerable, especially when it came to acknowledging her feelings.

I gently cupped her cheek in my hand and turned her face so she was looking at me. "You are beyond beautiful when you blush, you know." She bit her lip and the colour in her cheeks deepened slightly at hearing my compliment. "That must have been tough for you… with your dad being there. I know what that's like too. You shouldn't have to feel badly about it." I thought carefully about what I was going to say next. I didn't want to give her the wrong impression, but she should know that I had been caught admiring her before too.

"Do you remember the campfire for Seth's birthday this summer?" She nodded and cocked he head to the side, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "You got there late because you and your family decided to hunt a bit first. We were all there talking and hanging out when you arrived. Do you remember what you were wearing that day?" She nodded and raised her eyebrows as if to say '_so what'. _ I chuckled and continued, trying to hide a smirk of my own. "You were wearing that black mini skirt thing, a green fitted shirt and a set of 3-inch stiletto heels. I nearly choked on my drink when I saw you… Seth and Paul were laughing their asses off and your father, well, let's just say it was no mistake that he told you to go with your mother to visit with Billy before coming to see me and say Happy Birthday to Seth. If looks could kill…" I trailed off and shook my head as I remembered the way Edward glared at me from across the fire as if to say 'If there wasn't a couple of dozen witnesses here I'd rip your head off'.

Her eyes widened and she shook her head a bit in disbelief. Did she really think I hadn't noticed how beautiful she was before? Didn't she believe me when I told her I wanted to be with her? I guess I hadn't really told her about _that…_ I didn't want her to feel pressured for anything.

I leaned in so that our faces were only about an inch apart. I could feel the heat of her breath wash over my face and the electric hum and pull increase as I got closer to her.

"Nessie," I whispered looking deep into her eyes, "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. There was never a chance that I would _not_ notice you. I just didn't act upon it. I had no idea… ."

I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips firmly to hers, allowing some of the passion to seep into it. She gasped a little at the suddenness of my approach and then kissed me back, her desire mirroring my own.

I didn't hesitate to lower her to the floor of the cave this time. I nudged her backward a bit with our noses at the same time as I grabbed her around the waist and leaned into her, laying her down beneath me, maintaining the kiss as my tongue brushed against her lips seeking entrance to her mouth. She parted her lips and her tongue met mine, hot, wet and eager. I ran my hand through her hair, feeling my way through the soft curls from her forehead to her waist.

I planted small, light kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, her nose and then from her chin all the way down her jaw to her ear.

"So beautiful." I whispered and then skimmed my nose down her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. I flicked my tongue out and trailed my way over her collarbone with the tip of it, tasting her soft sweet skin. A shudder ripped through her and she moaned the tiniest little sound I think I've ever heard her make… but it was so beautiful to hear.

I trembled, shaking with a small shiver of my own and made my way back up her neck, planting open mouth kisses this time, as I ran a hand down her side from her ribs, over her waist to the swell of her hip.

I kissed her mouth and she arched her back, pressing herself to me as she locked her arms around my neck and ran her fingers through the short hair on the back of my head.

Without warning, a loud howl ripped through the air, causing the hair to stand up on the back of my head, and my arms to tremble, for an entirely different reason.

We broke apart abruptly and I panted out the confirmation to the questioning look in Nessie's eyes.

"Seth."


	15. Gone

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**RPOV**

As I looked into to Jake's eyes I knew that he heard it too. This was no ordinary howl. It was strained and frantic. You could almost feel the tension and horror in the tenor of it. I shuddered and pushed him up.

"I'll pack up. I'll meet you just past the tree line where we came in. Go figure out what it is". I fumbled around, to pick up the remnants of our lunch as Jake took the two steps that brought him to the mouth of the cave.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him tremble and begin to quiver from head to toe. He spun around and did his best to keep himself together as he spat out his next words. "Forget the stuff. We can come back and get it later, you're coming with me."

He held out his shaking hand and I rose without extending mine to take his. I knew he was close to the edge right now. As soon as I reached the mouth of the cave to stand behind him, I smelt it. 

"It's fresh, they might be very close by," he whispered, "whatever you do _don't_ leave my side."

My eyes automatically roamed over the sights just beyond Jake's quivering form. Water, trees, sand and rock, nothing out of place, nothing to indicate anyone or anything was amiss. Not that there would be, even if they were here.

Jake nodded his head toward the trees and we took off in a sprint. As soon as we dashed under the cover Jake turned away from me and took off his shirt. I gasped slightly and turned around so I could hear and not see him getting undressed. My eyes and ears scanning, looking and listening for any sign of danger. Within seconds I felt the familiar shimmer erupt from him as he phased into his wolf form. I didn't turn back to him right away, just backed up to close the gap between us. I knew he would need a few seconds to find out what was going on.

I felt, rather than heard him huff out a warm gust of air, as if he had been socked in the stomach, forcing the air out of him. Something was wrong… very wrong.

"Jake…"

I spun, my eyes wide as I gasped taking in Jake's form. His hackles were up, shoulders hunched and every single strand of his russet fur was standing straight up as he shook his head wildly, eyes closed, mouth open, breathing hard. I reached out to him as he threw his head back and let out a gut-wrenching, ear piercing howl.

"Jake!" I ran my shaking hands down his neck, around his collar, my eyes filling with tears. My heart was racing. What was this? There was no way to know what had happened, other than that something, or more likely _someone_ was definitely in danger, hurt, or worse.

Jake was all over the map, first gasping for air, then whimpering, then growling getting the rest of the details from Seth. I knelt on the ground, next to his massive quaking form, closing my eyes, trying desperately to remain calm while I waited for Jake to deal with whatever it was well enough to be able to phase and tell me what was going on.

What could have them both so upset? The combination of the fresh scent of vampire and this reaction led me to believe that someone we cared about might have run into our strange visitor from the other night before we did. Who? _Oh God_. Not Olivia. No, it couldn't be. There's no way Seth could have quieted after just that one desperate howl if was her.

If not her, then who? This didn't make any sense.

Jake was quiet now, whimpering and hiccoughing as he bent his head down to the ground. I leaned forward and placed my hand on his head, running my fingers through his fur, trying to soothe him without words. I didn't know what to say, how to console him when I had no idea what the pain was about.

Suddenly, his head shot up and he turned to look at me. It didn't matter that Jake was in his wolf form and not his human form, the look on his face could be easily recognized as pain and… grief. I stared into his face, confused and concerned, wanting to help him.

"Jake?" My voice trembled with anxiety even in a whisper "What is it? Can you phase back? Can you tell me what's happened? Please – I …"

He dropped his eyes to the forest floor, shaking his head as he leaned it into mine. His entire body shook as he released what could only be described as a sob. I was beside myself with worry. I had never felt so useless in my whole life. I needed to help him and I had no idea how, because I needed to know what was going on first.

"Jake, can you run? Can you take me to Seth?"

He wasn't able to answer for a moment. He struggled to control his sobs. I waited.

When he looked up he was quiet and nodded, one simple bob of the head. He shifted a bit, turning to nudge his shoulder into me. I climbed onto his warm, soft form and fisted my hands into the fur around his neck. I leaned into him and planted a firm kiss on the top of his head.

"I'm sorry," I said, completely aware of the fact that I had no idea what I was sympathizing with him for. I just knew he needed to hear that I understood that he was in pain, and that I hated to see him this way.

He didn't respond, just took off in the direction of our house, and because we lived so close to each other, Seth.

It didn't take long for us to reach the edge of the woods by the house. I was expecting Jake to phase back when we got there, but instead we were greeted by Seth, in human form, and Olivia. Jake stopped to stand beside me, giving no indication of phasing back. Seth was visibly upset, his eyes were a bit swollen and rimmed with red. Olivia hugged his right arm tightly, her eyes on his face as he spoke.

"Jake… I'm so sorry. I – " he stopped, taking a deep breath shaking his head "If you need anything man, just let me know."

Jake nodded his head and huffed a sigh, turning his head in my direction. I was lost in his gaze for a moment. It was so intense – he was in so much pain.

"Shit, man, sorry. I should have figured you wouldn't be able to…," He trailed off looking at me and then delivered the news that I wanted to hear.

"Nessie… I'm sorry. Billy's dead." My eyes widened as I gasped and stared at his face, willing him to say it again. He didn't. I couldn't have heard that right. I shook my head. No, I was wrong, I didn't _want _to hear this. Billy, Jake's dad… was _dead._ Billy, a man that had been as much a grandfather to me as Charlie and Carlisle had over the years – was gone.

I tried to push back the memories of the past few years; hanging out with Jake in La Push in their cozy home, Billy taking me fishing with and without Jake, his laugh, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled, his serious and soothing voice telling me the legends of his Quileute ancestors…

"How?" My voice cracked as I whispered and big, fat tears rolled down from eyes, over my cheeks and dripped off my chin.

Seth sighed and leaned into Olivia, as if her physical support would help him get the words out. He was grieving too. The pack men were like brothers in many ways. A loss to any one of their families hit home with each and every one of them. Not to mention that the year before I was born Seth's own father, Harry Clearwater, had died of a heart attack. Billy and Jake and the rest of the pack had rallied around him, his sister and his mother to support them in their time of need. This could not have been easy for Seth. It must be like reliving his father's death.

"Fire," he breathed, his voice barely a whisper. "They don't know how it broke out yet, but Billy was at home in bed last night when it started. He must not have been able to get to his chair in time to…" he choked back a sob and turned to bury his face in Olivia's dark hair as she comforted him with whispers of reassurance and stroked his cheek with her hand.

Of course. Billy used a wheelchair. He was much slower than the rest of us to get out of bed and then getting to his chair… even if he had, the floor might not have been in good shape to navigate in his chair. He was trapped.

My chest felt like it was being squeezed and my breath left me as the silent sob ripped through me. This was pain like I had never felt before. I shook my head to dispel the images my head was conjuring up… my mind piecing together Billy's last moments in a horrific display of fire, smoke, terror and panic. I finally understood Jake's reaction – mimicking all of them but the growl. The growl…

"What else?" I whispered, not really sure if I wanted to know the answer. "Jake growled. What else aren't you telling me?"

I looked at Jake as the growl that took him over now rocked him to his core. He glanced at the frozen forest floor and then at Seth, who caught his gaze. Seth's eyes flashed with anger as their eyes met. His arms shook a bit and he took a step away from Olivia, not wanting to lose control while in contact with her.

"He wasn't alone." Seth said through his teeth. "Everyone was down at the beach, sneaking in one last bonfire before the weather turned too cold. No one heard or saw anything suspicious… and they haven't since. But the smell coming from Billy's house was unmistakable. There was a vampire in there with him."

I trembled, my mind going to an even darker place than it had before. Please God no… please don't say it was one of them. "Seth, was it…" I stammered a bit, not wanting to ask, not sure if I could get the words out.

His brows pulled together in confusion as he tried to figure out what I was asking. I opened my mouth to try and continue my question, but it's like it was stuck in my throat. A huge lump of words and worry lodged there, fighting not to come out and confirm that this could be even worse that I had already imagined. My family was strong, we could survive just about anything, but fire was the one way to ensure our extinction.

Seth's eyes widened with understanding as he took in my panicked and shaking form. His words tumbled out in a rush. "NO! No Nessie the Cullens are all fine. Your family is safe. They caught the scent of two vampires in the res, but only one burning in the house. Neither scent was familiar. One of them must have managed to escape, but the other… well that remains a mystery."

Jake huffed and looked at Seth. Seth nodded towards the woods in silent agreement. As I took a minute to try and sort this all out in my head I heard Jake's slow steps making his way back into the forest a bit. I looked at Seth questioningly. He told me he had stopped at the house and brought some clothes for Jake.

I returned to my thoughts as I waited. Billy was gone. Strange vampires had been in La Push. One of them died in Billy's house with him. This thought brought me up a bit short. Strange vampires. I had all but forgotten about the scent outside of the cave. When we had reached the woods to the spot where Jake phased it was barely detectable. I doubt Seth and Olivia were even aware that our visitor from the other night was still lingering around.

I was just about to say something to Seth when Jake reappeared. His head was hanging down and he stared at the ground, his expression so hollow and empty. I took a few steps toward him and his eyes slowly raised to look at mine.

Pain. Jacob was in _so much_ pain. It hurt just to look at him. His mother had died years ago, when he was just a boy and now he didn't have his father either. He looked desperately alone and hurt. My heart felt like it would break, seeing him like this.

I ran to close the last few steps between us, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face there as I cried. I couldn't say anything to make this better. I could only let him know that he was not alone, that I hurt and grieved for Billy too. After a moment I felt his warm, strong arms wrap around me, squeezing me like he was holding on for his life. He bent his head down to bury his face in my neck and hair and sobbed without words. I held him and cried with him, kissing his neck every now and then, letting him know that I was here for him.

I heard Seth and Olivia turn and walk away, out of the forest, mumbling something about waiting back at the house. I didn't care to move at the moment. I just needed to hold Jake and let him hold onto me. He would let me know when he was ready to let go.


	16. Living Dreams

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**RPOV**

We sat in complete silence as we drove through the darkness back to Washington that night. After we left the forest we had gone home quickly to pack and make arrangements because we would be missing classes for a few days so we could go home and attend the funeral.

Jake flew around the house packing as I called the school and left a message at the registrar's office about our absence. I called Amber to make arrangements about a group assignment we were doing together that was due on Tuesday. We were supposed to work on it tomorrow. She agreed to talk to our professor about an extension. I thanked her for taking care of the assignment for me and reminded her to take care of herself before we hung up and said goodbye. I was worried about the vampire that was hanging around campus. I knew we couldn't do anything about it right now, but I hoped everything would be ok until we returned at the end of the week.

I pushed my worry over this aside though, because I couldn't make myself focus on it any longer. As much as I cared for the safety of my friends and the other students of the University of Alaska, my main priority now was Jake. I was aching to go to him, comfort him. I wanted to do everything I could to ease his pain. He was always there for me, strong and supportive. I wanted to be that for him too.

I couldn't go to him quite yet though. I knew he was almost done packing and he would want to leave as soon as I was done. We were taking Seth's car, we'd meet them at Seth's house as soon as we were ready. Jake didn't need to be worried about driving right now.

I sighed and picked up the phone again to make the one phone call I had been dreading since I got home. I hit the right button for the preset, then send, and waited for her to answer.

I took a shaky, deep breath in and sighed. _Just get it over with Nessie,_ I coached myself. As I heard the beginnings of the first ring I briefly considered hanging up and dealing with this later, but Jake didn't need this right now. The least I could do was let them know.

It didn't take long for her to answer, she picked up in the middle of the first ring. I knew she'd be expecting my call.

"Nessie?" I rolled my eyes at the question in her voice. She had call display, who did she think it was?

"Yeah, mom, it's me. Hi."

"Nessie. I'm so glad you called. How's Jake holding up?" Her voice was strained, the stress and concern in her voice was nearly palpable even if she was speaking over the phone. She was upset and obviously concerned about her friend.

"Not very well mom. He's… he's just hurting so badly right now." I sighed and thought about how torn he looked in the woods tonight. It seemed as though he was so hurt he might almost break in two from the pain, or so angry he might want to break someone else in two. "We're just about finished packing. We're going to ride up with Seth and Olivia as soon as we're done."

She sighed. "I'm glad he's not driving up himself. I don't like the thought of the two of you on his bike when he's this upset."

I rolled my eyes again. My mom can be such a hypocrite. She _loves_ motorcycles and from what I understand she was the one who turned Jake on to them too. They used to ride together back before my mom married my dad, when she was still human. Jake tells me she was a bit of a daredevil. Now she was worried about me getting on a bike with him. I know he's really emotional, but Jake would never do anything to put me in harm's way. That's why we were riding with Seth. He was too emotional for the bike, and there was no way his old Rabbit would make it back to Washington as fast as we wanted to get there.

"I know," was all I had to say in response. '_And so should you, mom.' _I added to myself.

I heard Jake call my name from down the hall. He sounded so tired. He must be ready to go. I tell him I'll be out in a minute. My hands are starting to shake a bit now and my mouth has gone dry. I don't know why I'm so nervous about telling her, she was the one who was supportive of Jake and I all along. But I know it's more than that. Telling her doesn't mean _just_ telling my mom about us. It means telling everyone. More importantly, it means telling my father. I was feeling so confident this afternoon in the cave, thinking about telling my family. But I had thought we would be doing this together. Now it's just me and my mother on the other end of the phone and I don't have a clue how to tell her that Jake and I are… dating. I cringe a little at the last word. It sounds so casual and commonplace for us. It's not like we're some random college kids who hooked up at a party. This is Jake and I and we –

"Nessie?" My mom's voice breaks me out of my fog. I realize that I've been thinking for quite a while and my mom had been waiting for me to say something. I shake my head a bit and suck in a deep breath through my nose. I started with a bit of a disclaimer.

"Mom, I have something I want to talk to you about, but it's kind of personal. So before I start can you promise me that you'll think twice about what you are going to share with Dad?" My mom hated keeping secrets from my father – worse yet, for me anyways, she was bad at it too. He knew how to read her fairly well, considering he couldn't read her thoughts the way he did everyone else's.

There was a pause on the other end as she thought things over before my mom answered cautiously "Ok, Nessie. I promise. You know I always try to respect your privacy."

Good. Ok, here goes. "Mom it's about Jake." My voice shook a little at the end. I flushed with embarrassment and then immediately hated myself for allowing my silly human reactions to have such an influence on me. I tried to control the shake in my voice and ended up clenching my jaw a little harder than I should to compensate. The next set of words came out sounding a little terse. "We're sort of – dating now. Things just started to change recently for us, just over the last couple of days, and we haven't really had a chance to talk everything over so…" I paused and huffed in frustration because I knew I was rambling and then decided not to explain any more. I just needed to her to talk to _him_ so he didn't give Jake a hard time when we got there. Jake had enough to deal with without having to worry about my father and his overprotective ass.

"Mom, can you just talk to Dad? Can you let him know what's going on before we get there and _try_ to get him to put Jake's feelings about Billy's death first?" I hung my head as I finish feeling like a complete jerk for even having to ask my mom to do this. I knew I shouldn't put her in the middle of things, but she always knew how to reach my father and get him to see reason. He would do anything for her, and I was not above using that to my advantage for Jake right now.

She sighed, and then I waited for what seemed like an eternity to hear my mom's answer to my request.

**Bella's POV**

Well, I guess I should have been expecting this phone call, but of all times I really wasn't expecting this now. I felt a pang of guilt for thinking that. Here I was, worried about how this was not a good time for _me_ to deal with this when Nessie just lost a loved one for the very first time in her life and Jake… _oh poor Jake._ I shook my head and sighed thinking of how hard this must be for the both of them.

Nessie was right to call me. Edward's initial reaction to this is bound to be a bit, colourful. He still thinks she's too young to be considering romance. He says he has no problem with Jake in particular, but I'm not entirely sure he's being honest with himself on about that. Those two have a lot of history. He can read Jake's thoughts though, and I'm positive that over the years he has come to know that Jake loves our daughter more than life itself. I just think Edward knows how passionately Jake can pursue what he wants. He's had first-hand experience witnessing that. No one knows better than Edward and myself that Jake will stop at _nothing_ to pursue the woman he loves.

And yes, I could tell by the tone in her voice and the way she was trying so hard to protect him that those two had found love with each other. It may seem ridiculous to others, who would only recognize the last few days of them being a "couple", that love was even a consideration at this point. But I knew it was. These two were meant to love each other, and always have, just in a different context.

I was sure that, with a little time, Edward would see things that way too. The problem was that we didn't have much time, because Jake and Nessie were slated to arrive in just a few short hours. Seth was a bit more cautious at the wheel than Jake, so that would buy us a little time, but not much.

I just wasn't sure about the best way to break this to Edward. Nessie was right, Jake had enough to deal with right now. I bit my lip as I debated what to tell him and how to say it in a way that made him feel comfortable about not confronting them until Billy's funeral was over at least. My eyes pricked with non-existent tears as I thought about the funeral for a man who had been like a second father to me in so many ways.

"Mom?" I heard Nessie say. She was still waiting for an answer.

I decided I wasn't going to sugarcoat it, I was just going to give her the best answer I could.

"OK, I'll have a talk with your father. He knew Billy too, and he also knows how much he meant to Jake. I'm almost certain he'll respect Jake's feelings first." There. That sounded reassuring… right?

She seemed to accept it for what it was. I heard her sigh slightly into the phone.

"Thanks mom. I love you. See you in a few hours."

I hung up feeling more than a little apprehensive about what I was about to do. Edward was in Carlisle's study discussing what we should do next. As of right now Sam was willing to coordinate with us to figure out who was responsible for this, but no one from the tribe would be doing anything until after they had paid respects to their late chief. That left us up to our own devices from now until the end of the day tomorrow.

As I said the word chief in my head, it registered with me. If Billy was dead, that would mean Jake was officially Chief of the tribe. So much responsibility. The Quiluetes and the wolves would need him now more than ever. My heart ached for my dear friend. He had so much to deal with right now.

I would do everything I could to convince Edward not to bother Jake about what was going on between him and Renesmee right now. I owed him that much. I sat in my armchair in the sitting room of our cottage and closed my eyes sifting through the dim human memories I had of me and Jacob, remembering the many, many reasons I owed it to Jake to do anything I could to help him in his time of need.

Jake and I have such a unique past. We were friends as young children, hanging out with each other while Billy and Charlie went fishing, making mud pies and playing on the beach. Then when I moved back to Forks Jake and I became friends again. Then when Edward… _left_, to save me from the dangers of hanging out with vampires, I fell apart. I felt like I had died and all that was left of me was an empty shell of a human being. It was a hideous and very dark time in my life. The one bright spot had been Jacob. He became my best friend, my light and my savior during that dark time. I needed him so badly. He gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. His friendship meant the world to me. He protected me from Victoria, a vampire who was intent on hunting me to the death because Edward had killed her mate James to save me.

And then things got complicated. Edward returned, and I became a complete and happy human being once again. Vampires and werewolves are commonly known mortal enemies. Needless to say, none of Edward's family wanted me to continue my friendship with Jake when they learned what he was. Edward and his family went to great lengths to keep up apart, but I wasn't having that – and either was Jake. We did what we needed to do to spend time together, because we both needed each other. The only problem was, that Jake thought he was in love with me. We both felt it. There was a pull, some kind of unforeseen force, drawing us to each other. It bound out hearts together in a way that made us care for each other very deeply. But what I felt for Jake still did not measure up to my all consuming need and desire for Edward. It hurt us both so badly when I turned his love away. I still needed him in my life, and he still wanted to be there… but not just as my friend. He was furious and jealous and hurt when I married Edward. He knew I intended to become a vampire. He thought of it as a death sentence, and vowed revenge on the Cullens for killing me when the time came.

And then, when we arrived home from our honeymoon, I was pregnant. He despised Edward for doing that to me (as if he did it alone) and loathed the creature growing inside me because carrying a child conceived with a vampire should have been a death sentence. Somehow, impossibly, the farther along I got in my pregnancy the more I needed Jake to be around. I felt happy, warm and _complete_ inside when he was near, and when he was gone I was a little lost. It was like I had lost a piece of myself – not my whole self the way I had felt when Edward and I were apart – but a large portion of me was just never _right_ without Jake around. Jake went through so much during that time. His pack had decided that the creature I was carrying posed a great threat to their people and wanted to kill me, along with mine and Edward's baby. Jake went against them to protect me and even disbanded from his pack to avoid being forced into hurting me or my baby. Even though he loathed the life that was growing inside he _needed_ to keep me safe. He knew that destroying me would destroy him too…

Little did anyone suspect the reason for the depth and complexity of our inexplicably complicated relationship… until the day I gave birth.

I nearly died, but Edward had the faith and love it took to save me. When I woke up I had been transformed into the creature I am now – a vampire. I was worried about Jake and the packs' reaction to my baby. Did they still want to kill her? Did Jake hate me now that I had become the one thing his kind were destined to destroy?

All of these notions went flying out the window when I saw Jake for the first time after my transformation. After we got past the horrible smell, it was just the same old us… but different. The pull was gone. It was just Jacob and I again, happy and thrilled to be each other's friends. I was relieved at the thought of that. It was just so much _pressure, _so hard to feel what I felt for him and know what I could give him was never enough. But I was wrong about that. It was enough. I gave him everything… when I had Renesmee.

It only took a glance, one look from Jacob into her wide chocolate brown eyes for everything to slide into place – for destiny and fate to make their intentions clear. It wasn't _me_ that was destined to be with Jake forever... it was her, my baby, Renesmee. That pull, the need we felt for each other had nothing to do with me at all, it was that small part of me that created her that drew us together. When I was pregnant, and she was growing inside of me, our need for each other had become so strong, we could barely stand to be away from one another. The need was growing because _she_ was.

It wasn't me that needed to be with him, it was _her._ And it wasn't me _he_ needed to be with… it wasn't _me_ he was in love with… it was her. It was always her. Their need for each other was so strong they felt it before she even existed. I was angry and mortified at first. I understood the imprinting process but couldn't help but be upset at Jake for laying claim to my baby before I even had a chance to set eyes on her.

It was wrong of me to be angry though. I, of all people, should know that it wasn't just Jake that needed the two of them to be together. It wasn't long before I realized that Jake was utterly necessary in her life. He loved her just as much as her father or I did, and in some ways, perhaps even more. But it was more than that. She needed him too. Jacob was just as vital to her existence as she was to his. It took me a couple of years to really figure out how deep their bond was. It seemed impossible that a baby, my baby, could need anyone more than her loving and devoted parents.

I've watched my daughter grow so much over the few years that she has been with us. She has accomplished so much over such a short period of time, and it hasn't always been easy. There were times when she was frustrated, wanting to do things that her mind could comprehend but her body wasn't physically capable of doing. Like the first time she wanted to ride a bike. She had read about it in books and seen it on TV, she also knew about Jake's motorcycles, and she was intrigued. She desperately wanted to try it, but unfortunately she was still too small. Sure, she could fit on a tricycle, but that was it. She wasn't tall enough to reach the peddles, or handlebars for that matter, on a two wheeled bike. We scoured the globe searching for one that she could try, but there was none to be found. She was devastated. It's always been that way for her. Her mind and heart have raced ahead and her body, although physically growing several times faster than most, her body was always the last piece of the puzzle. This incident was revealing for me in so many ways. As my daughter's mother I saw her striving to achieve, wanting to grow and try something new, and then watched her hopes be crushed by her own development. She was a unique creature and most of the time it was wonderful, but times like these it was a burden. I realized how frustrating it must have been to see something, know and understand it, want to try it and not be able to… even though she was undeniably ready, her body wasn't. As parents we were sympathetic to her disappointment and promised her that as soon as she was tall enough she could pick out any bike she wanted and could ride it around the house from dawn till dusk if she wanted to. This didn't help her feel any better. We tried to cheer her up, show her other things that she could do that should have been beyond her. Edward and I even bought her a Kindle, because Renesmee loved to read, and had a voracious appetite for new literature. Her room was crammed with books, on shelves and in piles, and littering the floor. She was reading at an advanced adult level at just a few months old. We thought it might cheer her up to have a reminder of something she could do that no other child her age could dream of doing. But that was just the problem. She didn't dream of reading… she dreamt of riding that bike.

She sulked for what seemed like a lifetime. She was grumpy and miserable, not even wanting to go out and play around with Jake in the back or on the beach, for over a week. Renesmee was rarely unhappy and for her to be upset by something for so long really struck a chord with me. I was her mother and I was at a loss to how to help her. One afternoon, after a particularly grumpy morning, Jake came over and asked Nessie if she wanted to hang out with him out front. She stuck her tongue out at him and said that there was nothing out there interesting enough to make her want to go outside. She told him she wanted to stay in, and watch another movie. It had been a week of sulking, television and movies. Edward and I just looked at each other and sighed before turning back to our chess game. It was affecting her more than it should. We had hoped she'd be over her disappointment by now.

Suddenly, Edward looked over at Jake and smiled a dazzlingly bright smile, he was happy about something. Jake just chuckled and said ok. He sat a bag he had brought with him down by the door and then sat down beside her to watch the last half of the movie she was already watching. When the movie finished he got up, stretched and began to stroll back over toward the door. He told Nessie that he wanted to head home early, but she should call him in the morning if she wanted to get outside a bit. Renesmee was pouting at the TV at this point, because on top of her already sour mood Jake was leaving early. She turned to Jake and opened her mouth to speak when he lifted up the bag he had brought and slowly pulled out a small, round, shiny and silver object that had my daughter jumping up and squealing with a delight I hadn't seen before.

It was a helmet – for a bike. Jake just smiled and held it out to her as he opened the door to show her the better part of the surprise. It was a bike. It was two-wheeled and built exactly like any other, but it was much smaller… just the perfect size for my daughter. It was silver, with black tires, a black seat and black handlebars. On the crossbar painted in red with delicate and beautiful script were two simple words:

Living Dreams

She was ecstatic and ran outside right away, forgetting her shoes and her parents indoors. She jumped straight on the bike and after hesitating for only a second took off, riding down the pathway like a pro. Her joy at finally being able to ride was clear on her face. I looked over at Jake to see that his happiness mirrored hers.

It was then that I knew without a shadow of a doubt what my daughter and Jacob meant to each other. He was able to make her dream come true. He was always doing that for her. This wasn't the first time, but it was certainly the most significant in her eyes. He knew what she wanted, and needed and did everything he could to make it happen for her. He did what none of the rest of us could do. He saw this as more significant than the rest of us, he knew what it meant to her to be able to just live and experience life without her half-vampire, half-human physiology getting in the way. Until that moment none of us realized how important this was to her – none of us but Jake. So he did what he knew she needed, and made her dreams come true. He spent his own time, a whole week of spare time, building a bike that she could ride so that she could feel the freedom of being "normal" and riding a bike because she knew how and she wanted to.

There were many more examples of this over the past couple of years. And each time he made a dream come true for her I knew he would be doing that the rest of his life. He made it his priority for her to be happy – always. No matter what it cost him. And now… now it was her turn to help him, and she was desperate to do what she could. I would not let them down. She deserved the opportunity to care for him. He cared for her, time and time again… it was his turn to be cared for now. It was Jake's turn to be taken care of, he needed her to help him through this. And afterward – it would be _his_ turn to have his dreams come true. Renesmee was the key to all of them.

All that was left to do was to convince Edward that the timing was right.

I sighed and looked at the clock.

Edward would be returning to me shortly from the house. I waited on the armchair in the small sitting room of our cozy little cottage. I had a copy of Wuthering Heights in my hand, but would not be reading it now. The fire was lit in the small stone fireplace and the sun was beginning to set. Before long the only light in the room would be from the fireplace and the moonlight streaming in the window. Then Nessie would be home, with Jake. I only hoped I could use what little time I had to convince Edward of what I know about the connection between Jake and Renesmee. I could give him more insight than he could gain from reading their minds. I knew _how _I needed to do this. It wouldn't be easy. I grimaced thinking about how exhausting this would probably be. I would have to be very careful, and thorough with my explanation. I was confident though, that if I could do that he would be forced to see and understand what I have known about Jake and Renesmee for years. He may not like it, but he would have no choice but to see it, and understand.

I heard his footsteps gliding over the ground outside swiftly making his way to the cottage door. I took one last deep breath, closed my eyes, and prayed to a God I wasn't sure was listening that I could make Edward see what we, as parents, needed to do for our daughter now. As he stepped through the front door and over to me I braced myself, ready to give Edward a piece of my mind.


	17. Fighting Against Love

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Edward POV**

As I made my way back to the cottage I thought over the decisions Carlisle and I had made with regards to finding out who was responsible for Billy Black's death. When Charlie told us, it came as a complete shock. Who would have reason to want Billy Black dead? The scents of the intruders were completely unfamiliar, but that doesn't mean much. We've been through enough in the past to know that vampires can be created for the purpose of doing dirty work. This creature could have been sent by anyone. The main question was, _why Billy Black_? He hasn't been directly involved in any of our dealings with the Volturi or any other threats we had encountered. Upon discussing it with Sam we decided that Jacob and the wolves must be the connection, but how and for what purpose? There was no way to know if the intruder took anything from their home, no way to know what it was they were searching for. One of the most confusing parts of this equation was the vampire that died with him. What was the reason for their death? Was it an accident – not likely. Vampire senses are so sharp that accidental death rarely happened among our kind. So most likely it was purposeful. A double murder of the Quileute Chief and a seemingly random vampire. What was the purpose to all of this? There were too many questions and not enough answers. Carlisle got to work contacting everyone we knew to get more information or gain some insight into what was going on, but no one had heard anything. Not even a rumour.

After we met with Sam we hunted with the wolves, tracing the trail of the fleeing vampire all the way to the river, where it disappeared into the water. We ran along the banks for miles, all the way out of state and didn't pick up the scent of an exit anywhere. There was no way to know where they came from, where they were going or why they were here – other than to murder Billy Black.

Tomorrow the Quileute tribe will be honouring the memory of their late chief. As non-members of the tribe, the Cullen family was not invited to attend. Or at least that was the explanation given to us when we met with Sam. He worked very hard to guard his thoughts when we discussed it but I felt the antagonism. I knew it was more than that. We weren't being invited because we were vampires and the wolves didn't trust that Billy's death had nothing to do with his family's connection to ours.

I could see how much this bothered Bella. Her family had been close with the Black's her whole human life. Even now, after her transformation, she kept in touch with Billy, making a point of going to Charlie's house when she knew he would be around. She loved him, and was grieving. I knew what it was like not being able to attend the funeral of a loved one. I had seen and experienced it through the thoughts of my family. My own parents were dead before I became what I am, but the others had family that was left behind. One by one their family aged and died and none of them had the opportunity to pay their respects because they were supposed to be dead too.

It was heartbreaking to watch my wife's reaction when she heard that we would not be going. She didn't say anything but the pain and disappointment were clear on her face. As sad as she was about this I couldn't help but think that this experience might actually be good for her. She had yet to lose a family member since becoming a vampire, but will soon enough. Billy's would be the first of many unattended funerals. It's a sad but necessary part of who we are. I was glad that she at least has this opportunity to get used to the idea before having to worry about her parents. I hoped it would make their funerals easier on her when the time comes. For now, her friends and family are under the impression that we have moved out of country. But we are not aging, and when the time comes we will not be able to show ourselves. We'll have to do what we have done every other time, and what we will do now. We'll pay our respects with each other and honour the memory of the dead in private. Bella was the closest to Billy. She wanted to do something small and intimate. So we agreed to gather in the back yard of the big house tomorrow morning to pay our respects. The Black's have been supportive of us, especially of Bella and of course Renesmee. We will all mourn the loss of Billy.

~~~000~~~

I was quickly approaching the house. I could see through the windows that Bella had the fire on and was sitting in an armchair with a book. She didn't seem to be reading it though. She was thinking about something. It must be something that bothered her because she was biting her lip. She hadn't said anything but I knew she must have been thinking about Charlie. He would be attending tomorrow with Sue Clearwater and her family. Billy was Charlie's oldest and best friend. I knew it bothered Bella that she couldn't be there to support him tomorrow. I would try my best to distract her tonight, at least until Renesmee and Jacob return. She hasn't been home once since they left for Alaska and I know Bella is looking forward to seeing her, as am I. Her presence is missed by everyone in the house. She had been the centre of all our lives for so long - it was hard to deal with the void when she left to go to school. Her return was bound to brighten everyone's mood.

I opened the door and went straight to Bella. She rose and greeted me with a smile and a kiss. I brushed my lips against hers as I felt the silky warmth of her embrace. Her scent, once a source of pain for me, was now my favourite aroma to inhale. I let it swirl around and envelope me, breathing in and making that part of her mine. She seemed to hesitate, but I didn't worry too much about it, I chalked it up to worry about Billy and her father or her excitement over Renesmee's return.

I leaned in and deepened the kiss. She responded the way I knew she would. Our tongues brushed lazily and lovingly against each other. I felt her shiver with pleasure and couldn't help the answering smirk that played on my lips. _Always so eager_. I had thought some of that might wear off after her transformation, without her unruly human hormones to guide her, but if anything she was more eager. She was always willing to touch and be touched. Not that I was complaining. Nothing pleased me more than loving my beautiful wife.

Feeling her desire I decided that maybe now would be the right time for a distraction. I reached up and placed my hands on either side of her face, pulling her to me. She reacted by pressing herself against me. I could feel every line of her delicate form touching mine. I slowly ran my hands down her neck, over her shoulders and down her arms, then circled my arms around her tiny waist as she reached up and tangled her hands in my hair.

I could feel her every breath, every tiny, minute brush of pressure from her body against mine - and it felt like heaven. I didn't care if there was a god and whether or not he would welcome me into his heaven; _this_ was all the heaven I needed – Bella's body, mind and soul melding together with mine. Her body was like warm silk, smooth and inviting.

I wasted no time in picking her up and carrying her down the short hall to our bedroom. I kissed her as I walked... her cheeks, her forehead, her eyelids, and then I danced a trail down her jaw line, from her chin to her ear with my tongue, tasting her, needing her, wanting her. She tilted her neck back and moaned my name in a whisper. It set me on fire.

"Edward," she breathed.

I lowered her to the bed with lightning speed and made quick work of removing our clothes as we kissed each other reverently, lips working together softly but swiftly, cherishing each opportunity to touch and love one another. I let my hands roam over every soft curve of her body as we continued to kiss and she tugged on my hair. It was amazing how pleasurable that one little gesture was. It was as if she couldn't hold on tight enough.

I continued to touch her as we kissed, taking time to dance my fingers lightly over her breasts, circling her nipples and then leaning down to kiss them before kissing my way back up to her neck.

Her beauty never ceased to amaze me. She was perfect for me in every way... like every curve, every inch of her inside and out was made for me.

I leaned up to whisper in her ear "My Bella... so beautiful."

She whimpered lightly and reached down to touch me. I hissed lightly at the contact, feeling her hands on my length, her silky skin palming and stroking me. It was sheer pleasure.

Not wanting to leave her wanting, I reached down and touched her. She hummed and moaned a little moan, her eyes fluttering closed and a small smile playing on her lips.

I smirked as I touched and rubbed, knowing that I was beginning to drive her crazy. I could do this forever. Well, perhaps not forever. There was only one other thing that I would rather be doing. And with that thought I pulled my hand away from her warm centre and ran my hands up her ribs, catching her arms at her elbows and pulling them up over her head, sliding my body up inch by inch over hers and entered her... so slowly it was almost torturous. I wanted to feel and savor every millimeter of her. Bella whimpered and sighed and tried to shift her body to speed up my pace, but I wasn't having that.

When I had finally entered her fully we both moaned and leaned in to kiss each other softly, just enjoying the feeling of being connected. We stayed that way for a minute or so, until she began to rock her hips, rolling so slowly from right to left - it was painful and pleasurable all at once. She broke our kiss and smiled at me as she rocked. She was getting me back for torturing her... I half smirked, half-grimaced, expressing both the pain and the pleasure that I was feeling.

She giggled a bit and then pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she sped up and her rolling became more of a repeated thrust and roll. I moaned and let my head fall to her shoulder as she literally rocked my world.

Suddenly she lifted her hips and pushed us over to the side, rolling me so that she was on top of me and had my arms pinned above my head.

I groaned as she ground herself down on to me with a passion that rivaled the first few times we made love after she had been changed. Urges were stronger and harder to control as a newborn. She hadn't been this eager in a while.

I kissed her breasts, licked her collarbones, kissed her neck and then kissed her arms as she moved over me, flicking my tongue out and nibbling them just enough to make her a bit uncomfortable, knowing that would force her to release the hold she had on mine. She did that as expected. No sooner had she released me then I had grabbed her hips and sat us up. Facing her and still connected, I thrust into her using my hands to guide her hips to provide the opposing friction.

She gasped and let her head fall back with her arms around my neck. She was tensing and quivering, I could feel what this was doing to her. I knew she was getting close and so was I.

I leaned in and placed my forehead on her chest, watching us where we were connected as she wrapped her legs around my waist and back, pulling me closer to her.

"Bella..."

Without warning, Bella shifted herself into me and rolled her hips again. She groaned and whimpered and it felt... amazing. I felt ecstasy, heat, passion, lust and most of all – love.

I groaned and thrust harder, falling over the edge and releasing myself into her as her body tightened around mine. We continued thrusting and rolling together gently as we came down from the high of loving one another.

There was nothing on the earth more sacred to me than loving her.

We fell back onto the bed, and laid in each other's arms trying to come back down to earth.

After a few minutes I felt her tiny hand reach up to my jaw and tilt my head down to look at hers.

"I love you," she said.

"As I love you."

"Edward, we need to talk." She looked deep into my eyes and bit her lip as I tried to decipher the meaning behind the gravity of her tone. She wanted to discuss something serious with me.

I sighed, thinking that my distraction had been very short lived. Her expression _was_ more serene than it was when I came in this afternoon, but although she was more relaxed, she was still worrying about something.

I smiled lightly at her and nodded, waiting for her to begin. She was always more relaxed when she could control the pace of the conversation. I decided to do as much as I could to ease her worry, she had enough to deal with right now.

"I got a call from Renesmee this afternoon, she and Jake are riding home with Seth and Olivia. Seth's driving, Jake's too distracted."

"I heard. Sam told Carlisle that Jake and Seth were returning tonight. I'm glad she's coming home... I miss her." I sighed and thought of how tense and upset she was with me before she left. I hoped she was happier, being able to branch out a bit and live a bit of a normal life in Alaska. She seemed pretty much the same when we spoke to her on the phone, but she swore she was enjoying her time at the University of Alaska Southeast. Jake said she was adjusting to college life very well.

"She told me a bit of news. I want to talk with you about it, but I want you to promise me that you will _try_ to be open-minded and hear me out about what I think before we see her tonight."

Bella was looking straight into my eyes and using her I-know-you-might-not-like-this-but-you-need-to-listen-to-it-anyway tone. I heard a lot of this tone with regards to Nessie before she left. Bella was convinced that Nessie was old enough to behave like an adult, and while I didn't completely disagree, I knew that her decision making processes weren't always the best. After all, experience is the best teacher, and Nessie didn't have a lot of experience with things in the human world. I had mentioned as much to both Bella and Nessie, but they both simply rolled their eyes and continued to argue with me about it.

But, I had promised myself to make tonight easy on her, so I agreed with one simple, quick nod of the head.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

I closed my eyes and prepared to receive whatever information was sure to aggravate me with some measure of patience.

There was a moment of silence. I guessed she was trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say. I waited.

"Renesmee and Jacob have started dating each other," she said in a low and careful voice.

My eyes shot open as a low growl rumbled in my chest. _DATING? _

"Edward."

I forced myself to stop growling as Bella chastised me for reacting so strongly. How she could be so calm about our daughter beginning to date was a mystery to me. Didn't she see? Nessie was still growing, her body would reach full maturity at roughly the age of 17. She was just barely 16. In reality she was only 5. She had a mere _five years of life and experience_. And she thought she was ready to begin dating. I heard her thoughts and feelings toward Jacob clearly before they left. It was one of the reasons I was so opposed to her going away with them. Jacob hadn't had a clue though, and he promised me to protect her from this! Now they were... _dating_?

What exactly did Bella mean by that?

When I spoke it came out through my teeth, my jaw still tensed to prevent any further growling or snarling. "What do you mean by _dating?_" I spat the last word at her like it was poison in my mouth. They were _living_ together - under the same roof. I trusted him with that. Did that mean they were...?

I couldn't help the loud growl that rumbled through my chest next... _I'll kill him. I can't believe he promised to take care of her for us and now... was he... taking advantage of her? No, he wouldn't do that. But if she said she wanted... wanted... UGH, he would never say no! He couldn't refuse her anything._

I shot out of bed and grabbed my clothes, throwing them on. I had my jeans on and was in the middle of throwing on my t-shirt when Bella was suddenly standing in front of me, looking fierce.

"Edward. Anthony. Cullen. Sit down and listen to what I have to say like you promised." Her voice was full of frustration and reproach.

I stared at her in disbelief. That _dog_ was twenty-three and dating our barely-sixteen-year-old daughter while they were living under the same roof and she was _scolding_ _me___for being upset? I had to make her see sense about this, once and for all.

"Bella I..."

She cut me off.

"SIT Edward." We glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Her small hands were fisted at her sides, feet apart and her eyes were narrowed just slightly.

She wasn't backing down.

And I did promise her I'd listen.

I wouldn't have if I had known what a ridiculous request she was about to make. I rolled my eyes and moved over to the bed, sitting on the edge. She came over and sat beside me, taking my hands in hers. She looked up into my eyes.

"Edward I don't want to talk... too much. It's hard for me to put into words, and there are so many feelings attached to my opinion, that influence why I think the way that I do. I just think it would be best to _show_ you why I think the way I do."

_DAMN, she's cheating._ She so rarely gives me glimpses into her thoughts, she prefers to keep them private, and it's physically draining for her to lift the mental shield she has that prevents me from hearing her like everyone else. She must really feel strongly about this because this would most likely _not_ be a short explanation. She knows I can never refuse a chance to _hear_ her this way.

I scowled and clenched my jaw as I nodded. She smiled a bit and then closed her eyes before she began.

_She flew through foggy bits of her human childhood, times she spent with Jake laughing and playing in La Push._

_She skipped ahead then, to her return to Forks. She showed me how Jake and Billy welcomed her back with open arms and that she and Jake seemed to pick right back up where they left off as children. _

_Then, without warning, she showed me a brief flash of the darkest time in both of our lives – from her prospective. I cringed and cried out against the pain and the feelings of utter desperation. It was just the briefest of flashes – her looking out of her bedroom window... alone... always alone. She snapped the memory back. She had a catch in her breath and I knew that if she had tears she would have been crying. She had never shown this to me before, it was utterly devastating for both of us. I remember, with perfect clarity what it felt like to me when we were apart. It broke my heart. I cried my own tearless sob knowing now that she felt the same... from the moment I left her, she died inside. I didn't think there was any way for human emotions to rival what vampires felt, but I was wrong. She did._

I opened my mouth to speak, but there were not words. Sorry would never be enough.

Nothing I could do or say would make up for what I had done to her. Ever. I lifted my eyes to her and she was looking at me with the strangest mixture of so much sadness and... love. How could she ever love me as much as she did?

I have never met a more selfless and loving creature in my very long life.

"No, Edward, don't." She whispered the words and leaned in to kiss me softly on the cheek, like she was trying to soothe me. _She closed her eyes again and showed me flashes of her with Jacob, working on bikes, doing homework, walking on the beach... and she was better, mostly. Not whole again, but not empty and aching like she was when she was alone. There was something else she remembered feeling with him too... a need to be with him. A strange pull._

The next images were definitely difficult for me to watch. Almost as much as the brief flash of desperation from the time I left her, but this was difficult for a different reason. _She remembered what it felt like with Jacob on the mountaintop the day Victoria and her army attacked. She was showing me their kiss... how she fought against it at first, until she tried to pull Jacob off of her and he misread her passionate anger for lust. Her body relied on instinct from there, giving in to the kiss, and kissing him back._

I felt the repulsion of my own thoughts at this and felt my whole body tense, closing my eyes and willing the image away.

_Again, she kept it brief showing just one more thing... a vision. It was of her and Jacob and their life together, their house, their children, their happiness. It was too much and I was about to ask her to stop but then her mind compared this happy vision with Jacob to the happiness she felt being with me... and it vanished. It was not an even competition. He never would have been able to secure her heart. It was mine, always mine._

_She flashed forward next to their "breakup" and the pain it caused her. It was so intense, it almost rivaled what she felt when I left. It wasn't as all encompassing though, she could function and feel, she was just a little broken inside._

_Her thoughts moved to her pregnancy. I wished, more than anything, to have a glimpse of her thoughts during this time. What was she feeling that she was willing to die and take herself away from me and the rest of this world? I knew then, it was the love a mother for a child. She protected, loved and lived for our daughter, from the moment she was conceived. It didn't lessen her love for anyone else, it simply usurped everything. _

_Then she thought of how it felt to see Jake and be away from him during this time._ I was mildly shocked at the intensity of her need to be with him. It was the same pull she felt to him as when we were apart, but much, much stronger. She was drawn to him... and as she got bigger she remembered the draw to him intensifying.

Suddenly, it was very clear to me what she was feeling. It was similar to the pull the wolves felt when they imprinted. Not as strong, but needy and necessary in the same way. She needed him to be in her life, there was no denying it.

_Then, she flashed to the first clear memory she had of me when she woke up after being changed. I felt her love for me settle in her the same way she had affected me when I fell in love with her. She already felt it, but it solidified and forever became a part of who she was, just like my love for her would always be a part of me. This image was immediately followed by her memory of seeing Jacob for the first time after she had been changed. Their friendship was intact, but the pull was gone._

_She flashed forward then to a memory of Renesmee and her bike a few years ago. She remembered how we all assumed Nessie's desire to ride a bike wasn't that important, and that therefore, it wasn't that important. She showed me that Jake was the only one to recognize that she needed to be able to ride that bike. Even I didn't completely understand the importance of it to her._ I could hear in her thoughts that she was desperate to try, but had no idea how strongly she felt. He knew. I remembered being grateful to him for making her dream come true.

_She briefly showed me a few other memories when Jacob had done the same thing for her. She was always eager to do something "beyond her years" physically, and each time he found a safe and wonderful way for her to try. With each memory Bella focused on the feeling of gratitude toward him for taking care of her, in a way in which we hadn't._

She stopped then. I glanced up at her, feeling none of the tension and anger I had felt before, just apprehension. I had a feeling I knew now, where she was going with all of this.

"Bella..." I stared to speak and she cut me off again.

"I told you I didn't want to talk _much_ Edward, not that I didn't want to talk." Her voice was wary. This was draining for her. I held my tongue and listened while she finished her explanation.

"You and I both know how strongly Jake is bound to her. You might even know that better than anyone else, you've heard his thoughts first hand. You know he would do anything for her. But, Edward... what about Renesmee? I can understand, to a point, how she feels about him. I felt it too, before she was born. I wanted... no, I _needed _to show you all of that because you need to know how it _feels_ to be her. What I felt for Jake is just a fraction of what she feels for him now. There is no denying it. Even you can't ignore the evidence. She _needs_ him Edward, just as much as he needs her.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. She's young, I know that physically she's only just sixteen... but Edward, when we met _I _was only 17, and technically _you_ still are. Don't you think you're being a bit hypocritical?"

I frowned and clenched my jaw in frustration as she cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow at me. She was right about the physical aspect of this. Physically Renesmee was only a year younger than we were when we started... dating, so to speak. There are plenty of people who begin dating at an earlier age than 16, so her physical age shouldn't really bother me. But that _really_ wasn't the biggest issue. No one could deny that she was becoming a young woman, not even me.

I thought for a minute about how I was going to word my concerns to Bella. She had presented a very strong argument in favour of Renesmee and Jacob's relationship and I wanted to do the same.

"Bella," I started and then paused, waiting to see if she would interrupt me this time. She said nothing, so I continued. "I know that she's growing up. And you're right, I can't deny their bond, especially not after what you've shown me tonight. But please, try to consider one more thing. Renesmee is smart and she knows what she wants, I can't deny that either. But she has so little _life experience_. She has no comparison to base anything on... her decisions are based entirely on what she learned here as a child and what she's learned from books, TV, movies and music. I just think she needs to _live_ a little before getting too serious about things. It's why I finally decided she should go to Alaska. She needs to make friends, have a life outside of our close knit circle. Considering this, and the fact that they _live_ _together_ Bella, can you see why I'm apprehensive about this? Don't you want her to able to _think_ before she takes things... too far?"

She shook her head lightly and smiled a bit, then motioned between her and I with her index finger, pointing back and forth a few times.

"Neither you nor I had any romantic experience when we met, and although I agree with you to a point about her life experience I have two observations to make about that. Number one is that she can only gain experience by doing what she is doing now. Restricting her will only diminish her chances of 'having a life' as you put it." She raised her hands and made quotation marks with fingers as she said the words "having a life".

She sighed lightly and then her eyes softened as she raised a hand to put it on my cheek. "My second observation is that Jake loves her in more ways than just romantically Edward. That's what I've been trying to show you. He only wants what's best for her. He would never take things anywhere further than she was ready for. Your concerns about them living together are... well, they're kind of endearing. They remind me a lot of when Charlie voiced his concerns with me about the same 'situation' with you and I."

"Yes," I snapped, "and if it weren't for the fact that I'm a vampire and you were a very fragile and breakable human being at the time Charlie would have had a very valid argument."

Bella shook her head and replied softly, "You know that's not true. You would never have let my hormones get the better of us before we got married. You cared for me too much. He loves her that much too. Give them some space Edward and please, try not to give them a hard time. You know all too well what can happen when you fight against love."

And with that, she turned to put her clothes on and left the room. I could hear her getting sheets out of the linen drawer in Renesmee's room. She must be changing them so that they're fresh for her first night back. I was left feeling a bit uncertain about what to do when Nessie and Jake got here. I knew what Bella was saying was right, but I couldn't help the feeling that I needed to protect my little girl from doing things she might regret.

As I rose and tidied up our own bed I thought about the similarities between Bella and Renesmee. I felt a sudden wave of sympathy for Charlie. I read that man's every thought and reaction to me when I was dating Bella, but I don't think I've ever been as close to understanding him as I was now.

~~~000~~~

With that thought I heard a car pull up in the front driveway. I went to the living room and gazed at the fire as I waited, while Bella was pulling out a few of Nessie's favourite books from the shelves and setting them on end table beside the largest chair. It was Nessie's favourite place to sit and read.

After a minute we heard the quiet rush of footsteps as Renesmee and Jacob made their way to the cottage. We turned to face them just as we they were coming through the door.

"Mom!" Nessie cried pulling Bella in for a hug.

They kissed and hugged for a few seconds and when Bella released her she turned to face me. Her expression was weary and she looked uncertain as she approached me. I was disappointed with her reaction. Was I really that bad? Did I make her feel that uncomfortable? Her thoughts were consumed with Jacob and his grief, but she could be focusing on that to hide her concerns from me. I decided I would do my best to rectify that. I didn't want my own daughter to think that I was unapproachable.

I smiled crookedly and opened my arms to pull her in for a hug.

"I've missed you." I said quietly against her hair as she hugged me back.

She pulled back and turned to look briefly at Bella who simply smiled and kept her eyes on me, brows raised.

I heard her silent relief in her mind that her mother had spoken with me before she returned and then she spoke.

Nessie's reply was tentative and quiet. "I've missed you too Dad."

I released her and turned to face Jacob who was just walking in the door.

His thoughts were void of anything beyond basic functions at the moment. His face was drawn and his eyes were looking down at the floor. He looked – broken and exhausted.

Without a word Bella stepped over and pulled Jake into a hug. She held him close and told him how much she missed Billy, how sorry she was and asked if there was anything we could do.

"Yes, please Jacob, we're all mourning your loss right now. Billy was a great man. If there's anything we can do, for you or the packs, please let us know."

Jacob looked up and raised his hand to shake mine "Thanks Edward." He said. He must have been very upset. He didn't even look at us while we talked.

"Actually Dad, there is one thing you could do. Jake doesn't have anywhere to sleep tonight, his home was destroyed in the fire. I told him he could sleep here. I hope you guys don't mind, but we're exhausted so maybe we can just go to sleep." Nessie finished and was reaching for her bags to bring them to her room.

_Well he certainly wasn't staying in there._

"I'll call Carlisle and Esme. I'm sure they have an extra bed. Jacob can sleep in my old room".

She scowled and looked at her mother who just shrugged and rolled her eyes. Her thoughts screamed loudly of her frustration with me.

And just like that I was off on the wrong foot.


	18. Selfish

**Thanks to all of you who are giving this a try! **

**For those who are interested in knowing, this story is rated M for foul language, dark themes, lemon wedges, lemon juice, and eventually, some actual lemons. If you are sensitive to dark themes – at all - please be forewarned, the later chapters in this fic get dark. That being said, there's a lot of romance, angst and even a little humour in here too. **

**I hope you like it, and please – review. **

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 18 – Selfish**

**RPOV**

_UGH!_ _He was starting already! We haven't even been in the door for 5 minutes dad, give it a rest!_

My father's eyebrows shot up as he read the annoyance in my thoughts. He grimaced and rolled his eyes as I continued.

I scoffed lightly in return and turned to face him with my arms folded over my chest.

_Really? Did you really think that I was about to tell you that I wanted Jake to sleep in my __**room**__ with me dad? God you certainly must not think very highly of me if you think that I was inviting him to stay with me. _My eyes narrowed and my breaths quickened at the onslaught of irritation I felt building toward my father, as I threw my thoughts at him in a rapid fire succession. _I was simply implying that Jake may be better off staying here in the cottage with us, not in __**my room**__ with __**me.**__ Have you even stopped to think for one second that he might need to spend the night before his father's funeral surrounded by people who love him? He hasn't slept since we got the news. Neither of us have. We're exhausted and we need to rest, but I would __**really **__prefer if Jacob stayed here at the cottage so I can be near him if he needs me. You know, for someone who's supposed to be perceptive, you can be extremely insensitive!_

I cocked my head, quirked and eyebrow and ground my teeth together as I waited for an answer from my father.

That he was irritated was easy to see. He grimaced deeply and furrowed his brow staring at me through his own set of slightly narrowed amber coloured eyes. A light grumble resonated through his chest. I crossed my arms and waited.

My mother seemed to realize that my father and I were locked in some sort of standoff. She had been glancing furtively between us, reading our facial expressions as they shifted in response to one another. She sighed as the two of us had been settled into our current positions for almost a minute, neither one wavering.

I could see Jake out of the corner of my eye. At the sound of my mom's sigh Jake finally looked up and took stock of what was going on. I had told him on the ride up that I warned my mother about us and that she promised to talk to my father for me. Jake sighed and looked up at my father with the strangest expression on his face. He almost looked... apologetic and... something else, I just couldn't quite place it.

Why should he have to feel apologetic about _anything_? He was the one who had lost his father and his home. He needed a place to sleep and to be surrounded by people who loved him, and he was feeling _sorry_ about that? I continued to seethe at my father for a few seconds before turning toward Jake. He turned to look at me, his eyes wary, curious and resigned. My face and demeanor softened at his expression. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him. He needed to know that I wanted to help him, and be there for him tonight if he needed me.

"Jake, you don't have to stay up at the big house tonight. We've got plenty of room here. That's why I had you pack the inflatable mattress. We can set you up right here in the living room."

I stepped toward him and placed my hand gently in his. "My dad's just being his usual overprotective self again," I whispered, "I know you don't want to be alone tonight. If you don't feel comfortable here, then I can always go and stay with you up there. I'm sure Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme won't mind."

His dark brown, almost black eyes brightened a bit and a small smile touched the corner of his mouth. I continued to stare at him, waiting for him to make his decision as he closed his eyes and sighed before turning to look at my father. A mild look of surprise fluttered over his face.

I turned my head to see what my father was doing that had affected him that way. I gasped under my breath. My mother was looking at my father with a small smile on her face. The look on my father's face said it all. He stared at Jacob, looking him straight in the eye, with nothing short of an _apology_ written all over his face. I shook my head slightly at the sight before me. My father _rarely_ gave in. When he was adamant about something he stood his ground. But this look said it all. He was giving in. He was going to let Jake stay, so we could comfort him and be there for him the way he needed.

I didn't care what his motivations were at the moment, I was just so happy to be able to do this. He had no idea how much I wanted to be there for Jake the way he had always been for me. The gratitude I felt for his change of heart was so great that I felt my eyes well up with tears.

_Thank you, dad._ His head snapped over to mine and confusion flashed over his face, followed by the smallest of smiles. I walked/ran the four steps back to him and hugged him tightly. _I love you, thank you._

He hugged me back and then released me with a sigh. He turned toward my mother. He nodded once toward the small hallway and spoke in a low voice, "Bella, why don't you help Nessie get her things to her room while I help Jacob get set up in here."

My mom smiled and turned to me with her hand outstretched.

I walked to her and grasped her hand in mine before turning back to Jake.

"I'll come out and sit with you for a bit before I go to bed. I'll be back in a little while."

He nodded. "Thanks," he said softly, looking in my eyes. His gaze shifted briefly to my father who was beginning to unfold the inflatable mattress with his back toward us before shaking his head slightly and shrugging his shoulders at my mom and me. I was sure he was thinking what I was... I wasn't sure why my father had such an abrupt change of heart, but I wasn't about to question it.

I turned and walked slowly down the hall, holding my bag in one hand and my mother's hand in the other. We made our way to my room and I let go of her to set my things on the floor. It seemed oddly _different_ in here. I looked around at the room trying to put my finger on what had changed. The same shade of violet-grey adorned the walls, the same steel grey bedding and curtains covered the bed and windows. The matching white desk and bed hadn't changed either. My laptop wasn't on my desk because I had brought it with me to Alaska, but I had expected that to be missing. The white shelves along the wall opposite my bed were still there too but... oh?

I turned to my mother seeing her glance at me at bit warily. "I hope you don't mind Ness. I took down your stuffed animals and trinkets and traded them out for a few picture frames. I thought you might want to have some space to put pictures of your friends. I left some empty space for anything else you might want to put up there. I thought it might be time for a change. Your other things are still here, they're just packed in boxes in the closet."

I smiled looking at the frames and space on my shelf. In our haste we hadn't thought to pack pictures, but I did have quite a few on my cell phone that I could download and print while we were here. It would be nice to show my parents pictures of the people I had met and grown to be friends with over the past few months. I shook my head, mystified that I was actually getting the chance to fill my family in on things about my life. While I lived here they were privy to almost every detail of my every day. Now I would be telling them about my friends, school and my life in Alaska. This little change was perfect, a great way for me to merge the old me with the new me.

"It's great mom. It's perfect." I smiled warmly at her and then wrapped her up in a hug. She hugged me back, sighing into my hair and whispering, "I missed you Nessie. I'm sorry that Billy's death is the reason you're here, but glad to have you home all the same. It's not the same without you and Jake around."

I pulled back and snorted lightly as I turned to my luggage to fish out my pajamas and toiletry bag. "You mean it's quiet without us tramping through here at any hour of the day or night with another werewolf or two in tow?" I giggled and then sighed thinking about how much I missed my friends on the reservation. There wouldn't be any reason to hang out happily and be carefree during this visit. I knew Billy's death would hit all of them just as hard as it hit me, if not worse.

I heard an unexpected and muffled sound from the sitting room, but before I could register what it was I heard another sound much closer that wasn't altogether unfamiliar to me.

I whirled around as I heard the fabric on my bed shift. My mother was sitting on the edge of the bed looking up at me with an expression I was also very familiar with. She only sat here on my bed like that when she wanted to have a heart to heart of some sort.

"Ness, can we talk?" she asked in a low whisper, so quietly I barely heard her. I furrowed my brow and thought about her careful posture and tone. There would be only one reason for her to be this careful about wanting to talk with me... and he was helping Jake in a room not 30 feet away. Whatever my mother wanted to talk to me about she didn't want my father to hear. But he could hear my thoughts. I glanced quickly over my shoulder to the area of the house where the sitting room was.

"He's not here," she said in a low but slightly more audible voice this time, "I asked him to go up to the house and cook something for you and Jake to eat when you got here. He just left."

That must have been the sound I heard right before my mother sat on my bed. She must have been whispering more quietly then because he was still close enough to the house to hear us. But she was still whispering, and the only other person here to listen in was Jake. With that thought I suddenly knew exactly what my mom wanted to discuss. I sighed, placed my things in the middle of the bed and sat facing her, but looking down at the white shag area rug on the floor, biting my lip and fidgeting. My mom wanted to talk about my relationship with Jake. She was more understanding and supportive than my father, but I knew that whatever we talked about usually made its way back to my dad in one way or another. I just hoped she knew better than to ask any _personal_ questions.

She sighed lightly before using her index finger to lift my chin. My eyes met hers and she flashed me a small smile. "You don't have to be nervous sweetie. I just want to talk a bit about you and Jake, how things are going, and to see if you had any questions actually." She was still whispering but was very relaxed and the sincerity in her tone was undeniable. I relaxed and blew out a small breath I didn't realize I had been holding before returning her smile with one of my own.

"It's great mom," I breathed, wondering how to describe what I was feeling or where to begin. "It was hard at first, because I had no clue how to tell him."

I shook my head slightly remembering the day that I let my little secret slip. I chuckled lightly under my breath. "To say he was surprised was an understatement. I was so worried that maybe he wouldn't... wouldn't..." I stammered, and felt my face getting warm. I was flustered at trying to tell my mom that I was afraid Jake wouldn't want me, but saying that out loud right now just seemed so ridiculous. Could a mother really want to know about her daughter feeling the need to be _wanted _by a man... her best friend of many years, no less?

My mom laughed lightly at my colour and expression, before her features and eyes softened. Her golden eyes looked straight into mine and she spoke with a tone that rang with love and understanding. "It's ok Renesmee. I know you might think this is... strange, to talk about with me. I hope you know that I don't feel the same way. I'm so happy for you and for Jacob. The two of you deserve to love and be loved. You're perfect for each other, and I couldn't be more happy to see you growing into a beautiful young woman with a wonderful partner like Jake at your side."

I was stunned into silence for a moment. I knew my mom was supportive of Jacob and I, but I had no idea how deep that support ran until just this very moment. I decided then and there that my mother would be the perfect person to talk to about any of this.

The tension I had felt earlier melted away. My shoulders relaxed, and I smiled widely. "It's the most amazing thing mom. We've always loved each other, but things are just... different now. They're more – well they're just _more_. He makes me feel so beautiful and special. We've actually only gone on one official date, but it was _amazing_! He planned the whole thing. We had a picnic in a special spot he found on the beach. He gave me directions to the spot and we raced there to see who would get to ask the first question of the day. We talked and... and it was great." I stopped here, unsure of whether or not to fill my mother in on the more romantic parts of my date with Jake.

She smiled and raised her eyebrows. Her expression told me that she knew I was editing a bit.

I blushed, feeling the heat flush over my cheeks and all the way down my neck to my collar bones, looking back at the rug before saying in the tiniest of whispers, "He kissed me. More than once actually... and I... it's... I just," I was suddenly overwhelmed and unable to find the right words to describe what it felt like when we kissed. How do you sum up the warmth, the heat, the overwhelming pull and that strange electric hum? That was it. "It's _electric_, and magical, and so wonderful." I finished with a sigh. Silence fell over us for a few seconds and I began wondering if I had said something to upset her, maybe said too much.

To my surprise my mom pulled me in for a tight hug. She rubbed my back a few times and then squeezed gently before letting go and looking at me with the sweetest and strangest bit of nostalgia in her eyes. "I remember what those first few kisses with your father felt like." She shook her head and looked down, lost a bit in her own foggy human memories. "Being kissed by someone you love is unlike anything else in the world," she murmured.

She smiled and looked up at me again. "You love him." It was a statement, not a question. I flushed again and nodded, with a small smile. "He loves you too, Ness. Anyone can see how much he needs you. I'm glad you stood your ground with your father tonight. Jake needs the support of his loved ones right now, and you most of all. You've grown into such a compassionate and caring young woman. He needs that compassion and caring more than anything else in the world tonight."

She laid her hand on top of the one I had sitting on the mattress, squeezing lightly. "Your father will be back with your food soon. I'll leave you to change and freshen up. I'll make sure to keep your father at bay for tonight. Don't worry, we won't interrupt or pry... much." Her lips curled up wryly at the last word knowing full well that my father would most certainly be keeping an "eye" on us. She seemed sincere in her promise to keep him from interfering though. I wondered what she was planning to do to distract him.

She rose and turned to leave then. When she got to the door frame I stopped her.

"Mom," I called. She spun and looked toward me waiting for me to continue. "I love you. I'm glad to be home... and thanks."

She beamed at me and nodded before leaving the room to intercept my father at the door. I could hear his swift approach outside on the path. Within seconds he was through the front door, the smell of fresh pasta and sauce wafting lightly through the air. I quickly changed into my grey cotton pajama pants with matching fitted white t-shirt with grey trim. I rummaged through my toiletry bag and found a hair tie, gathering my hair and twisting it into a loose bun of sorts at the nape of my neck. When I walked back down the hallway I saw my mother ushering my father out of the front door.

My mom turned her head to look at me before she spoke. "We're off to hunt for a bit Nessie. We won't be far, and we're both taking cell phones, just in case you need us. We'll come in through the doors in our room when we return so we don't disturb your sleep Jacob." My mom nodded at the two of us quickly and then grabbed my father's hand, practically dragging him down the pathway and away from the cottage. I stifled a giggle before turning to face Jake who was sitting in the centre of the air mattress doling out two portions of spaghetti and meatballs onto plates for us.

I sighed as I took in his somber expression and made my way over to sit beside him. He handed me a plate, with a fork and a napkin, before returning the pot of spaghetti to the bag my father had brought it in. He then pulled out two bottles of water, placed them on the bed between us and looked down at our plates with a small frown.

"I guess I didn't live up to my promise of a polar bear supper." He sighed and looked up at me with an apologetic expression. 'If you want to go hunt with them you can, you know. I know it's been a while, and this isn't that appealing to you."

I reached up to put my free hand on his cheek. I ran my thumb over his cheekbone as I spoke. "This is great Jake. I really don't want anything more than to be with you tonight. Besides, if I know my father he probably made it with an extra kick, just the way I like it. I hope you're ready for an inferno, because I have a feeling this dish is going to be hot in more ways than one." I smiled a half smile and he responded with the same, taking my hand from his face and interlacing his fingers with mine as he pulled it down.

"Why do you think I got the water out?" He said with a small chuckle. My smile widened at the sound. I hadn't heard or seen him do anything but brood for the last day and half... it was a relief to hear him laugh a little bit.

We ate in companionable silence, our hands and fingers intertwined with our plates resting in our laps. I was right, it was spicy. Although I didn't have a liking for any kind of human food, aside from a blue steak, I learned that very hot, spicy foods are actually quite appealing to me. There is nothing to the taste of the heat, it's simply a tingle that I feel resonate on my tongue and in my mouth while I'm eating. It's actually quite enjoyable, but the sensation loses its luster if you eat everything with a pile of habanera peppers on or in it, so I don't indulge that often.

When we finished Jake grabbed the plates and stuffed them in the bag as we downed our waters. We decided the bottles should go in the bag too so we could take them back to the big house and recycle them tomorrow.

Jake placed the bottles in the bag with his back turned towards me. As he straightened up I reached out and placed my hands on his shoulders, rubbing lightly. He was so tense. He hummed a little bit under his breath. I shifted onto my knees behind him and began kneading his neck and shoulder muscles with my fingers, slowly working out the tension and knots. He sighed and tipped his head forward as I rubbed his shoulders. His elbows were propped on his knees, hands hanging loosely between his legs. Feeling the muscles in his shoulder loosen, I slid my hands down a bit to rub his upper back, paying close attention to the area between his shoulder blades. As I rubbed and kneaded with my fingers I couldn't help but marvel at the feel of him. He was solid – every inch of him that my fingers encountered was met with warm, hard muscle that became only slightly more pliable under my touch as I rubbed the tension away. I moved down to his lower back, admiring the curve and slope from his broad shoulders down to his waist. When I was done, feeling all of his muscles drained of their tense energy, I ran my hands lightly up and down his back, allowing my fingertips to curl in on the way down a bit to add more pressure and help get the blood circulating to his tired and sore muscles. He groaned lightly at the sensation and after a few passes, he sat up, pressing his back to my chest and tipping his head back so that it lay on my shoulder.

"That was... heavenly," he whispered, "thank you." I smiled and turned to give him a soft kiss on the lips. He returned it, not quite as softly, but kept it brief.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and gave him a little squeeze before asking him a question I'd been dying to know the answer to for the last thirty-six hours. "Wanna talk about it?"

He sighed and closed his eyes, his head rolling forward and his shoulders slumping a bit.

"Sorry," I whispered, "we don't have to talk if you don't want to. I just thought you might want to talk about things before tomorrow." I waited a moment. When he didn't respond I gave his shoulders a little squeeze before beginning to pull away. His arms flew up to catch mine just as I was unwrapping them from around his broad frame. He pulled my arms back the way they were, securing them around his shoulders once again. He leaned back and laid his head on my shoulder turning to look at me, and lifted his left hand to run it up my arm and over my shoulder to rest at the nape of my neck.

"Thanks," he said before tipping my head forward until my lips met his for the briefest of kisses before pulling back to rest his head on my shoulder again and close his eyes with a deep sigh. "I'm not really sure where to start. I know I should talk... it's just so – _hard._" 

"Oh, Jake," I whispered. I held him tightly and rocked minutely from side to side, leaning down to place small kisses on his neck every once in a while. After a few minutes I felt him pull against my arms, so I released him and sat back on the bed, leaning against the big arm chair that was at the head of it. I held out my hand to him. He took it before leaning back to lie down next to where I was sitting. We sat for a few minutes like that. He was still and silent, eyes closed, lost in his own thoughts. I knew he wasn't sleeping because his breathing hadn't slipped into a deep, slow rhythm.

It seemed as though I would have to start this conversation, if we were going to have it. I thought for a minute about where the best place to start would be. I decided the most important thing to talk about was tomorrow. I desperately wanted to help him be strong for both himself and for the rest of the tribe that he was now officially the chief of. We stopped in La Push to talk to Sam briefly before coming home. Sam only let few details of tomorrow's ceremony slip, and I still wasn't sure what to expect. The Quileute rituals are sacred, they were never shared with people outside of the tribe. I was allowed to attend with Jake, Olivia with Seth and Grandpa Charlie would be attending with his wife Sue. I had no idea what to do or how to help tomorrow, except to be there for Jake and support him. Perhaps if I knew what was going to happen, I'd be of more help.

"Do you want to talk about tomorrow? I mean, I have no idea what to expect. I'd like to help you, but it would help if I knew what to expect."

He shifted his head and opened his eyes to look at me. His thumb began to run small, light circles over the back of the hand he still held in his now shaking one. When he spoke, it was so quiet, it was barely a whisper.

"There will be a – ceremony of sorts. Everyone in the tribe will be there. It's hard to describe what happens, I've never been to one for someone as... important to the tribe as my dad is. It's best for you to see it yourself. You won't have to do anything, only tribe members participate. After the ceremony we'll take him to be... to be _buried," _he choked out the last word and I squeezed his hand in mine and used my other hand to stroke his short, thick hair, running my fingers along the scalp. His eyes closed and his voice slid so low that it was barely audible. "He has a spot already... right next to my mom." At the mention of his mother, two giant tears escaped from behind his eyes to roll quickly down his cheeks. My heart broke for him. I felt two warm tears slide down over my own cheeks. Seeing him like this was almost unbearable. I needed to help him, to do whatever I could to soothe him.

I reached over and slid my arms under his pulling lightly until he shifted in the direction I wanted him to go. I laid his head in my lap and stroked his hair. He turned his face towards me and wrapped his arms around me as he cried. He suddenly seemed so small and vulnerable. His large, strong frame seemed to crumble as he laid there shaking with sobs, speaking words of guilt and grief he had been holding back for over a day. I did my best to comfort him with whispers of reassurance, telling him to let it all out, and that I was there for him. He told me about tomorrow, that he was afraid to go and see what was left of his house. He told me his fears about putting on a strong and brave face for everyone else in the tribe when he felt so sad and angry.

But what worried me the most was the guilt he told me about. Jake said he felt guilty when we left for Alaska, he was worried about Billy taking care of himself, all alone. Both of his sisters were married and had moved out, Jake was the last one to leave. He said he always worried about leaving him behind to fend for himself. He said if Billy had been with him, none of this would have happened. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach as I digested what he was saying. Did he regret leaving with me? Did he wish I hadn't dragged him up to Alaska to school with me?

I sucked in a deep, ragged breath and began to cry, shaking with remorse. My stomach twisted and my head ached as I thought about what I had done. If I hadn't asked Jake to come with me... if I hadn't insisted on moving out there, Billy would still be alive. He would never have been attacked by vampires in his own home if Jake had been there living with him. He would be safe, and Jake would be happy. I felt a wave of self-loathing rush over me as I held the one person I loved more than anyone in my arms and comforted him about a death that could have been prevented – by me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered over and over, "so sorry Jake." As if a simple I'm sorry meant anything. When I was finally able to force myself to speak something other than a useless apology I told him the only words I could think of that would let him know that I understood.

"It's _not_ your fault." I said, low and clear. He stopped talking then, his tears running freely.

I don't know how long we lay there like that, but I held him and stroked his hair until his tears ran dry and his body stilled. After a few minutes his breathing began to slow and then slipped into the rhythm that let me know he had fallen asleep. I lay there with his head in my lap and began to cry a fresh batch of tears, thinking of all of the stupid decisions I made to get us to this point. I was selfish, and greedy. I hated myself. I cried silent tears, not making a sound, trying my hardest not to wake him, until I exhausted myself and fell asleep.

**Bella POV**

When we arrived back at the cottage I decided to take a look through the front window to see if Jake had fallen asleep or if he needed company. The fire in the sitting room had gone out and the house was dark. I ghosted up to the window and peeked through the glass.

I gasped lightly and warmed at the sight before me. Jake and Nessie were lying on the inflatable mattress in the living room, Nessie propped against the seat of the big arm chair and Jake with his head in her lap, her fingers wrapped delicately around his head and neck. They must have had a long night and fallen asleep like that. I decided not to disturb them... they needed their sleep. They had both looked so exhausted earlier.

Suddenly I felt Edward's presence beside me. I stiffened and waited. Sure enough a low grumble resonated in his chest.

I swung my arm out and elbowed him with all the strength I had, taking him off guard. His face turned quickly to face mine and he began to open his mouth to speak before I put a finger to his lips and motioned back toward the pathway so we could talk without waking them.

I decided to speak first. "Edward, they're exhausted. The sun will be up in a couple of hours and they'll have to get up shortly after to make their way to La Push. Let's let them sleep."

He sighed and leaned his head forward, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his forefinger. I waited patiently for his response.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth, "let's go see if Carlisle has managed to dig anything up over night."

A smile crept over my face as I turned to take his hand and pull him in for a hug.

"What's come over you today? Why did you change your mind about him staying at the cottage... and just now?" I looked up into his buttery, gold eyes as he gazed at me with a small frown.

"Jacob." He sighed and closed his eyes. Jake had changed his mind?

"But he didn't say anything Edward. He barely even looked at you when Nessie was pleading his case..." My brow furrowed in confusion.

"No he didn't... not out loud anyway. After Nessie told him she would stay at the main house with him he turned to look at me and he was about to say that it was ok, and he would go up there alone. But he wasn't ok. He was... aching and burning inside and the thought of letting her go for the night was almost unbearable. But he wasn't going to ask her to go with him. He didn't want to upset us, and he was trying to respect my wishes, knowing that it would tear him up inside. He was actually feeling selfish for needing her so much." His voice lowered to a whisper. "I love Jacob like a brother... I just couldn't say no to them, not tonight."

I tilted up onto my toes to kiss him softly.

"I love you Edward Cullen. You did the right thing."

He sighed before replying, "I love you too Bella. Let's go."


	19. Black

**So, in this chapter we have Billy's funeral. In order to respect the Quileute people I have skipped over many of the events surrounding the actual happenings at the funeral. As Twilight fans, most of you may know that the Quileute people prefer not to share their rituals and traditions with the outside world. Rather than guess at them I simply skipped the details. You will see a page break to indicate where that happened. Don't worry though, I wrote around them so you'll get a clear picture about how Nessie supported Jake and helped him through it, which I felt was the most important part anyway.**

**That being said – I've been told that you may want to have a tissue handy for this one. **

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 19 – Black**

Pure hearts stumble  
In my hands, they crumble  
Fragile and stripped to the core  
I can't hurt you anymore

Loved by numbers  
You're losing life's wonder  
Touch like strangers detached  
I can't feel you anymore

The sunshine trapped in our hearts  
It could rise again  
But I'm lost, crushed, cold and confused  
With no guiding light left inside

Oooo  
You were my guiding light  
Oooo

Woah

When comfort and warmth can't be found  
I still reach for you  
But I'm lost, crushed, cold and confused  
With no guiding light left inside

You're my guiding light  
You're my guiding light  
When there's no guiding light left inside  
When there's no guiding light in our lives 

_Guiding Light ~ Muse_

**JPOV**

I woke with a start, shaking with the cold chills running up and down my spine from the dream in my head. In my dream I was cold and alone, drowning in a black abyss. I had been sitting still, no motivation to move or find my way out. I was floating with no sense of direction, surrounded by complete and utter blackness that seemed to have obliterated everything else and was now trying to take up residence in my soul. I didn't stop it... I didn't know how.

Worse yet, I found I didn't want to.

_Geeze Jake, pull it together, today's going to be bad enough without worrying about a stupid nightmare you had a few hours ago,_ I thought as I stretched my arms out, searching for the familiar warmth of her, and encountering nothing. I shook my head as I sat up and looked around the small sitting room. We had fallen asleep here together. I felt a bit guilty for staying here, having her with me at night just down the hall from her parents room... _but I needed her so badly last night_.

I remembered breaking down and crying last night as I told her about today, and everything I was afraid I couldn't handle. She was amazing, holding me close, whispering all the words I needed to hear, running her hands through my hair as she comforted me. Her presence was the only thing anchoring my sanity to the rest of my body. Her hands on my shoulders and back were like the most soothing of balms, like aloe on a sun burn, cooling and melting away my burning tension and calming my nerves.

She knew just when to talk and when not to. She got me to open up, and let her in. I had been afraid to burden her with that up until then. The last few months had been hard enough for her, and then she was dealing with the pain of losing Billy too. She had never lost anyone before. Nessie and Billy were close, he had provided somewhat of a grandfatherly presence in her life when she was little, taking her fishing and telling her the legends of our tribe as she listened with rapt attention. She loved him too.

But she had been so strong since the moment she found out he was gone. She had been there for me every second, holding my hand, comforting me, just _being_ there... like the calm in the eye of the storm. I knew it had to be hard for her, but she was holding it all together so well. I don't think I had heard her cry once before last night. Even then, she seemed to be more upset about my guilt over leaving Billy behind than anything else.

I realized then that I hadn't been giving her enough credit lately. She had obviously matured more than any of us had realized, myself included. She held it together like a pro... _for me_. I had let it all out last night though, cried until I felt that hollow emptiness in my chest that told me there were no more tears to shed, and then fell into a deep sleep, warm and comforted by her very presence. I would be strong enough to face the day ahead of me now. With her by my side I would be strong enough to face anything.

I stretched as I eased myself off of the sagging air mattress to stand. My neck and shoulders felt a little stiff. That certainly wasn't the most comfortable night's sleep I had ever had, but it was the best, by far.

I was beginning to get worried. _Where did she go?_ We had to get ready to leave soon. I wondered if I should start getting ready without her. We had planned to go together...

"Good morning Jacob," a familiar voice said from the hallway behind me.

"Oh, hey Bella." I smiled a half smile as I turned to her and shoved my hands in my pockets. I wondered how pissed Edward was about how we fell asleep last night. I mean, I was lucky he let me stay at all. I wasn't going to... I would have gone up to the main house by myself, even though the thought of it damn near killed me. I would have done that for them... for her. I knew it had to be awkward for them, Nessie and I had just started dating, and I had a pretty good idea what Edward would think about me spending the night in his daughter's arms.

I groaned at the expression of understanding that Bella gave me as she read my own discomfort. _Crap_, I was right. They saw us, and he was pissed. I'd have to talk to him, calm him down. After everything she did for me last night Nessie didn't need to deal with him today, on top of everything else that was going on.

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes. "You don't have to be so worried Jake. We saw you two when we got in last night but Edward knows, more than anyone, how innocent that was. Besides, you look so much better today. There's no doubt in my mind she was a great help to you."

I nodded. "Thanks. And she was. More than you know.

"Umm, Bella, do you know where she is? I woke up alone just now. We were supposed to be heading out to La Push together in about half an hour."

She smiled and nodded a confirmation. "She's up at the main house. She went over an hour ago, saying she wanted to have a chance to see everyone. She didn't want to disturb your sleep so she said she'd get ready up there. She should be back in about 20 minutes or so. You're welcome to get ready here. I brought some soap and things down from the main house and left them in the bathroom for you. Alice talked to Sam when he called Carlisle last night. She bought something for you to wear and had it shipped overnight for you. It's hanging in a garment bag in Nessie's room. I will be in the backyard of the main house with Esme setting up our own little memorial." She looked down then and pulled in a deep breath while chewing on her bottom lip. "I'm so sorry I can't be there today Jake. I wish..." She broke off then, with a hitch in her breath. She was grieving too. Bella and I had practically grown up together. In keeping with Quileute traditions, none of the Cullens, with the exception of Renesmee, were invited to attend the ceremony for Billy. Religious ceremonies are for tribe members and family only. Renesmee is attending as my family, Olivia as Seth's. Even though they're not technically part of the tribe, due to their connections to Seth and I, they might as well be. The Cullens were holding their own memorial of sorts for Billy today. I knew a lot of that had to do with Bella and Renesmee, but I couldn't help but appreciate the gesture.

I crossed the room to give her a short hug before thanking her and then heading for the shower. I smiled and shook my head slightly as I stepped into the small bathroom that I had help create as part of an addition to Edward and Bella's little cottage. The original plans didn't include one, because vampires never needed a fully equipped one, but Nessie did. Her body functioned almost exactly the same way as a human's did, but she had a much stronger and a whole lot more durable exterior.

I stepped out of the shower and toweled off. I wrapped myself up in the towel then leaned toward the door, listening to see if anyone else was around. It seemed like I was alone so I quickly made my way across the hall to Nessie's small room to find out what Alice had picked out for me. I smiled as I lifted the garment bag off its hook on the back of her door. It smelled like the outdoors. Alice must have left it outside overnight knowing that I couldn't show up today smelling of vampire. I undid the zipper to find a pair of tan coloured linen pants, matching shoes and a crisp white linen shirt. As I pulled it out of the bag I chuckled, noticing a new white v-neck t-shirt to go under the linen dress shirt and a pair of light coloured socks folded and sitting at the bottom of the bag. I had to hand it to Alice, the pixie had done her research, and she hadn't missed a thing. We tended to wear light colours as we sent off a tribe member to join the spirit world, not the same blacks, greys and blues as the rest of the American culture did.

I was adjusting my shirt, making sure it sat just right when I felt her presence and smelt her sweet scent. I whirled to see Renesmee standing in the doorway to her room. What I saw took my breath away. She was wearing a knee-length light brown linen wrap dress, with three-quarter length sleeves that fit her like a glove. The neckline of the dress was a bit low, but there was a bit of cream coloured lace underneath to make it more modest. She had matching light brown flats to go with the dress and her only accessories were in her hair. She had her long, soft, flowing copper curls pinned up on either side with the pearl hairpins I had gotten her as a "graduation present" when she finished the high school portion of her homeschooling.

But even though her beauty was beyond anything I had ever seen, it was her face that left me speechless. She had the saddest and most grave expression I had ever seen on her face. Her eyes were dull and flat, her full pink lips pulled down in a small frown and her brows knit together slightly as she stared at the floor with a blank expression.

Understanding hit me like a ton of bricks then. She must not have been able to hold it together anymore. She was so strong for me last night, and I vowed that I would be just as strong for her today.

I crossed the room to stand in front of her, her long lashes fluttering a bit until her eyes were cast down to the floor at our feet. Her fingers were fidgeting; she was nervous and upset.

"Ness," I whispered as I took her hands. She still wouldn't look at me. I pulled up one of her hands with my own and used my index finger to tip her head up, forcing her to look at me. What I saw there made my heart ache. Her eyes were filled with tears. She struggled not to let them fall, her face contorting slightly with the effort. Her cheeks were flushed from the effort. My beautiful strong girl, she was trying so hard to keep it together. I pulled her in for a hug, crushing her to me.

"It's ok," I whispered, "Ness, it's alright. Please baby, let me help you. I'm doing so much better today. We can get through this."

"Oh, Jacob." She said in a muffled whisper against my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt a little. "Jake, I'm so sorry. I... I..." she broke into a sob before she could continue.

She was hurting, and she was apologizing to me. What did she have to apologize for? I shook my head lightly against hers, knowing that she probably made some stupid promise to herself not to upset me this morning. I pulled back slightly to whisper in her ear.

"Thank you," I breathed through her hair, inhaling her sweet, beautiful scent with my next breath. "I love you. Thank you so much for being there for me last night. You don't have to worry, I'll be fine. As long as I have you... I'll always be fine."

I kissed her cheek softly then, tasting the salt of her tears, and laid my forehead against hers to find that she was calming a bit.

"But... Jake. I'm so weak... I shouldn't have – I'm so sorry," she whispered, full of remorse "more than you'll ever know. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head slowly against hers. She was so stubborn, feeling so much guilt over needing a bit of comfort herself. I wasn't going to allow that. I needed her last night, and she gave me everything. I would do whatever I could to make her feel better today.

"Ness," I whispered, "it's ok. I love you." And with that I leaned in to place my lips on hers, feeling her heat flow through me, tasting her wet, salty tears mixed in with the sweet silk of her lips. I parted my lips to run my tongue along her lips, wanting to kiss all of her tears away. She sighed a bit as she parted her lips in return, gently massaging my tongue with her own. The heat flowed through us once again, like a warm, calming bath, soothing me from head to toe. I relished it, reveling in the feeling of the strong warmth and comfort that only came from being with her. I felt her relax in my arms as the heat soothed her too.

"_Ahem_."

We jumped and broke free of our kiss, only hanging on to each other with one hand, at the sound of a throat being cleared loudly from down the hall.

Edward.

_Shit_. I didn't even hear him come in the house. From the way she jumped she hadn't heard him either. Being with her like this was so distracting.

I sighed deeply and turned back to look at her now apprehensive face. She was biting her lip.

I smiled lightly at her. "Ness, why don't you go out to the car? I'll meet you there in a couple of minutes," I implored, sincerely hoping she would go and let me handle this. She didn't need this today.

"Jake..." she glanced from me to her father briefly and back. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and released her hand. She sighed and nodded before turning to glare lightly at her father as she walked past him and through the sitting room before leaving through the front door.

I waited a minute to make sure she was out of earshot before I looked Edward in the eye and began to speak my mind... so to speak.

_Edward._

I waited until he shifted his eyes from the front door to look at me. He was attempting to wear an expression of calm that only slightly masked his upset at finding Renesmee and I like he had. I decided to start with the most important things first.

_Thank you... for letting her stay with me last night. She was amazing. She helped me... more than you'll ever know. You have to know that nothing-_

"I know," he said, cutting me off. He was still trying to keep his composure, but I could see that he was upset, worried even. I didn't know why he was so upset. I mean, he knew that we were dating but we weren't...

_Edward _– he cut me off again, this time with a small hiss.

"_Yes_ Jacob, I _know_. I do want to have a word with you though, so I'm glad you sent Renesmee out to the car."

Oh, ok. Well, this oughta be interesting. I cocked an eyebrow as I waited for him to begin.

"Bella seems to be convinced that Renesmee is quite a bit more mature than I have been giving her credit for. She's quite happy for the two of you and wishes I would feel the same way. Please don't mistake me Jacob. I don't begrudge you or her any happiness you can find together. But I do have some reservations about the timing of your... _relationship._"

I thought about the strength Nessie had demonstrated over the past few days, the rock she had been for me, when I was at my weakest, and tended to agree with Bella.

_Maybe she is a bit more mature than we expected her to be at this age Edward. At least, to me she is. I love her, and she loves me. We do our best to take care of each other. What else would you have to worry about, if she's capable of handling all of that? _

His brow furrowed a bit in reaction to my memories of her strength over the last couple of days.

"Perhaps you're right about that Jacob. But I do think you should be aware of the fact that I have a bit more information to consider where that is concerned. I can hear through her thoughts that her decision making process is still a bit – erratic. Her emotions get in the way of her ability to make rational, mature decisions sometimes. I just want to make sure that you're well aware of that while the two of you..." he trailed off, staring at the floor in frustration, unable to complete his sentence.

I swallowed thickly, thinking about where his mind must have gone, and shook my head to rid my mind of any thoughts, or memories, that might upset him further.

A low growl rumbled in his chest as his lips pulled up in a slight snarl. I hadn't been quick enough.

_Wait! We haven't – _

"Save it, mongrel!" he spat at me through a clenched jaw and tight lips. "I'll tell you this once, and once only. She may be sixteen in body, but she has only had five short years to experience life. Even though she may be ready to start _dating_, she needs a lot of time and opportunity to think things through. _Give_ her that time Jacob... or running home with your 'tail' between your legs _won't_ be option."

I growled, clenching my jaw and balling my fists as I strode forward until we were close enough to feel each other's breath.

_What the fucking hell Edward? Are you seriously implying that I would somehow take _advantage_ of her? You've got a lot of nerve not to give me more credit than _that_. I _love_ her Edward; I want her to be safe and happy just as much as you do!_

His face didn't relax from the snarl, but he took a step back as he responded. "Good. Just make sure it stays that way."

He brushed past me and headed toward his bedroom then, effectively ending our little "talk." While he wasn't going to stick around to react to my thoughts, I was positive he could _hear_ just how much he had offended me with his little warning.

I glanced out the window to notice that it was getting lighter out. We'd better get going before it was too late. I took a few deep breaths, determined to calm myself and leave Nessie none-the-wiser about how little faith her father seemed to be putting in our ability to be responsible with one another. She needed my strength today, and I needed hers. I wasn't about to let her overprotective father get in the way of things today. I had more important things to deal with.

**RPOV**

I tried my best to get my erratic emotions under control as I waited in the car. Jake had enough on his plate today, he didn't need to deal with my babbling too. He seemed better than yesterday though. He didn't even flinch when I apologized for being weak and making him come with me to Alaska.

I sighed. He always put whatever I needed first. It was in his nature not to be upset with me, but could he really forgive that? I wasn't sure. Given time to really think about it, he would probably be upset. I decided to wait and see how things played out today. I was sure that seeing Billy's house would be the key to stirring up all of his guilt. I didn't mind, he _should_ be upset with me. I practically signed Billy's death warrant. I am a monster.

When Jake returned to me he smiled lightly and started the car. As soon as we were on the road Jake grabbed one of my hands and held it, drawing small circles over the back of it with his thumb. We drove in silence. His expression was grave, but he didn't seem overly upset or angry. I hoped my father wasn't too hard on him. He seemed to be handling their conversation very well, on top of everything else.

I looked at up at him as we parked at Sam and Emily's house in La Push. Everyone was meeting here before the ceremony began. He leaned over and lightly brushed his lips against mine.

"Ready?" I asked.

"No," he replied looking down, his face pulled into a frown. "But I can do anything with you beside me. Just promise me that when we leave this car you won't leave my side. And I'll promise you the same. We can do this together."

He looked up at me, his eyes intense, seeking confirmation. I nodded.

"I promise." I whispered.

He got out of the car and walked around to my side to open my door and help me out as I was grabbing the small cream purse that Aunt Alice had left in the car for me so I wouldn't forget it. He took my hand in his as he helped me out of the car, interlacing our fingers and giving them a tight squeeze before turning to lead us up the walkway and into the house.

**~~~000~~~**

I dried my eyes, once again silently thanking Aunt Alice for the handkerchief she thought to pack in my tiny purse, along with a bit of mascara for touch ups. She may not have been able to _see_ that I would be upset today, but she knew me well enough to know that she should pack them for me. The ceremony was beautiful, and so full of emotion. The entire tribe had come to see Billy off to the spirit world.

Jake had done so well. He held it together, never once showing how incredibly hard it was for him until the end. He held my hand the entire time, unless he was required to participate in the ceremony, which was often. Even then, his eyes searched for mine and held them whenever they could, keeping us bound together even when ritual and ceremony demanded that we be apart.

The end was the hardest for both of us. When we laid Billy to rest it really hit me that he was gone. I would never hear his stories again; he would never again correct my fishing techniques or answer the door with a warm smile when I showed up to see Jake. He was really gone.

Jacob had the very difficult task of burying his father next to his mother. He broke down as they committed Billy to the ground, trembling as giant tears rolled down his cheeks. My heart felt like it was splitting in two watching him suffer that. Tears quickly fell from my own eyes, reflecting the pain for both his loss and mine. As much as my parents may be suffocating and difficult to live with at times, I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Jake was now parentless, and it killed me to see the pain over that fact ripple through his face and body. I squeezed his hand so tightly in mine I almost lost circulation, and used my other to rub his arm. He looked down at me and used his free hand to wipe away the tears on my cheeks before pulling me into a vice grip of a hug and burying his face in my hair. We stood like that until it was time to leave, and make our way back to Sam and Emily's for the small reception.

When we got there Jake seemed to talk to everyone, receiving condolences and trading stories about Billy. The sun slowly began its descent as the day wore on, while we shared Billy's favourite foods, drinks and memories of a man that an entire community loved and respected. Jake didn't leave my side once, and I refused to leave his.

It wasn't until most of the people had gone, when only the members of Jake and Sam's packs lingered behind, that Jake let go of my hand. Sam had requested some time to talk with Jake out back, in private. I could see that Jake was exhausted, and this was probably the last thing he wanted to do, but he went anyway. He said that Sam would probably want to catch up with him early tomorrow if he didn't tonight, and Jake wanted to sleep in if he could.

I nodded and released him for the first time since we got out of the car in La Push that day. My hand was sore and sweaty from holding his and my fingers were stiff. I stretched them out and wiggled them a bit to loosen them up. Almost everyone was out front, talking on the lawn, enjoying the dry weather. I decided to join them, maybe try to find Olivia and see how it went meeting Seth's family last night. I wondered what Leah thought of her, though I can't imagine her not liking Olivia. She had a heart of gold, just like Seth.

As I made my way down the front steps I noticed a rather heated discussion between Paul, Jared and Seth. Olivia was with them, along with Rachel, who is Jacob's sister and Paul's wife. Kim, Jared's wife had already gone home taking their newborn son, Elijah, with her.

As I approached the group Rachel was the first one to spot me. We had been friends my whole life, she treated me like a little sister. As I grew older, she became someone I could hang out with, and talk to about music, movies and even boys. She was the first person to paint my nails. Aunt Alice threw a fit over that one. She had been begging to, but my parents thought I wasn't old enough. Then, one day, after hanging out with Jake, Paul, and Rachel on First Beach I came home with them already done. Rachel had painted them a barely noticeable soft pink, that shimmered in the sunlight.

I didn't feel any of that camaraderie or friendship at that moment however. She was glaring at me, seething with resentment. Olivia noticed her hot stare and turned to look at me with sad eyes, they seemed to be pleading with me to stay away. I had been so focused on Jake today that I barely took the time to register the others. Had they been like this all day? I shook my head slightly and turned to look back at Rachel. I was about to ask what I had done when Paul spun around to see me standing there.

I had been around the pack boys for years. The running joke was that Paul had the worst temper and the least amount of control. I had never witnessed it firsthand; Paul was always funny and nice. But now, I could clearly see what they meant. Paul was glaring at me like I was a parasite in need of squashing. His hands balled up into fists and shook slightly. Seth had his hand on Paul's shoulder quietly trying to talk him down, while Jared sat back with Rachel, wearing an expression that almost matched hers in its intensity.

I froze on the spot. I looked around at the others, pleading with my eyes for them to tell me what was wrong, what I had done. Olivia just looked at me and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" while shaking her head at the scene before us.

Suddenly Paul was right in front of me. Seth had him by the shoulders, trying desperately to tug him away. He stood over me looking straight down into my eyes as he spat hushed words out at me, in a rapid fire succession.

"You look confused Nessie. Did you think it wouldn't bother any of us? Do you think that we haven't put two and two together to figure out that this all could have been avoided? What were you thinking, dragging Jake away from here, leaving Billy to fend for himself? Your family has attracted the attention of others like them before. Did you even stop to think about that? What other reason, besides you and your _coven,_ would strange vampires have for coming around here?"

I shook with fear and desperation as the words he spoke pounded into my heart like a stake. They pierced through me with such pain that I was frozen, unable to move or even breathe.

"Your family and your selfishness cost Billy his _life_. It could have been _any of us_. How could you do this?" As he seethed and trembled, the heat rolled off him in waves.

I felt my lungs scream for air from being cut off for too long. I inhaled in one long breath, squeaking in a gasp at the same time. As the air entered my lungs, my eyes filled with tears and suddenly I wasn't frozen any more. My body felt alive and was burning with guilt and shame. He was right. I knew it. I was a monster. I had killed Billy almost as certainly as if I lit the flame in his house myself. Jacob would never forgive me. _I would never forgive myself. _I shouldn't be here. I had to go. I had to get away from here... and fast.

I spun on my heels and bolted, sprinting flat out toward my destination. I had one stop to make before I disappeared from here for good.

**JPOV**

"YOU DID _WHAT_?" I screeched at Paul, shaking in fury, trying my best to control the tremors before someone got hurt. Someone _else_ I should say. I wasn't entirely sure that Paul didn't deserve to get his ass kicked at that moment, but I didn't want to waste any time. I had to figure things out before she got too far away.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" I roared.

Paul looked up at me defensively and shook his head minutely.

"I just told her what we had all been thinking. We all see it in your eyes Jake, the guilt you feel for leaving Billy here, to fend for himself. He wouldn't have been defenseless if you had been home with him. He would still be alive if you hadn't moved to Alaska, and we all know whose idea that was."

"Are you _serious?_ Would you just listen to yourself for a minute Paul? I moved out, and yes, I regret leaving him behind... _**but I don't regret leaving.**_ Heading out to Alaska with her is one of the best things I've ever done. I wish I had taken him _with me._ I asked him to come with us several times, but he flat out refused, saying the rest of you needed him here." I was walking toward him as I spoke, he retreated under the fire of my glare, backing himself up into the front wall of the house.

"Where the hell were _you_ anyway that night Paul? You talk about me leaving him and being too far away to defend him, but WHERE THE _HELL_ WERE ALL OF YOU?" I swung forward and punched the wall beside his head. The metal siding crumpled and gave way to the wood underneath and my hand shredded through that next, leaving a gaping hole in the front of Sam and Emily's house.

I spun around to face Seth who was looking between me and Paul trying to figure out how to diffuse the situation. "And where the hell were _you_ when he was tearing in to her like that Seth? _Why didn't you stop him_? You know what this will do to her. You just stood there and watched him rip her to shreds?"

"I tried Jake, I even tried to hold him back, but he broke free and got to her anyway. I was pulling on his shoulders the whole time, trying to get him to back off, but he didn't. And then she was gone..."

I shook my head and grabbed at my short hair, pulling it until it hurt. I had to find her. She must be dying inside right now. I felt like I was dying right along with her.

I looked up at each of them, all but Paul had an expression of remorse on their face. They deserved to feel like shit about this. Nessie didn't do this to hurt anyone. And I make my own decisions, _none_ of which she should have to answer for.

"I'm going to go find her. Don't even _think_ about following me. I'll be at the Cullens when I bring her back. Don't call me."

I spun and left, following the trail of her scent. She seemed to be headed west. After I ran a few miles I noticed the path she was taking... it led straight to my old home.

I sucked in a deep breath as I pushed through the trees into the clearing where the charred remains of my home were. There wasn't much left but the cement steps and about half of the garage. The side closest to the house had gone up in flames with it. It hurt like hell to see that, knowing that my dad died in there. I choked back a sob and continued to follow her scent through the yard to the front of the house.

With my next breath I smelled something that made my heart skip a beat and my blood run cold. _Fresh_ vampire scent was lingering in the air, on the very same path that she walked. I knew the scent. It was the same leech we smelt in Alaska not days before. Suddenly, I was _fucking terrified_. All I could think was – _where_ _is she?_

The trembling began in my hands and worked its way up my arms the closer I got to the house. As I moved in closer both scents got stronger, but the full vampire scent was slightly newer. The sun had just set and the light of the full moon lit up the sky. As I approached the front step I noticed the same vampire scent, now days old, plus another.

_Murderer! _ The bloodsucker that had haunted us in Alaska had been here the night Billy was killed... and had made it out alive! We caught the scent just outside of the cave that day, right before I found out about Billy's death the night before.

I shifted around, my eyes furiously searching the woods around the house for any sign of her when something glinting at my feet caught my eye.

I looked down in utter horror and realized that it was one of her hair pins... with a couple of her hairs still lodged inside.

I felt the heat flash through me as my body phased and a growl ripped through my chest. I lunged forward following the scent as the night seemed to close in on me. The fire in my heart, which burned only for her, seemed to dim. I felt like my body had turned to a massive block of moving ice, knowing that she was in danger, and probably hurt... or worse.

_Who was this? What did they want?_ My mind raced as I flew through the trees at lightning speed, guided by their scents. I felt lost, I needed answers... but most of all, I needed her.

My chest ached to the point that it felt like my ribs would crack at the thought of her having to face this sadistic vampire alone. She wasn't strong enough. She would get hurt... she might even...

I felt the blackness completely overtake me then. The light that guided me, my reason for being, was _gone_. If she fought and didn't survive, there was no way I would either. I would hunt that motherfucking leech down and chew its limbs off before watching it burn, and then it would be the end of me.

I ran for what felt like hours.

_Shit! Where __**is **__she? _

I raced through the forest in a blur, pushing myself harder and faster than I ever have before. I leapt over boulders and fallen tree trunks, crushing and snapping low hanging branches with my shoulders and legs in my pursuit. Their scents were getting stronger, she was closer... I could feel it. The pull was increasing, almost throbbing in its intensity. It was like I was being thrown forward by a slingshot, propelled towards my life's meaning, leaving everything and anything else that may once have mattered behind.

NOTHING mattered more than her.

I stumbled forward, nose almost touching the ground as my front right paw was sliced open by something sharp. I could feel the warmth of the blood seeping out of the wound already. I felt the searing heat of the cut from the front to the back of my paw, and the wet warmth dripping from it. Somewhere my brain vaguely registered the thought that the cut was probably really deep.

I heard more noises in the back of my mind, hushed whispers of the others. They were following me now, but were many miles behind. I could barely make out what they were saying, all of my senses, my entire being was focused on the hunt. I heard Sam's voice, slightly clearer than the rest, telling me to slow down, let them catch up to help me. I didn't care. I wouldn't – couldn't slow down.

I snarled through my teeth, pushing myself harder with my other three legs to make up for the slight favouritism I had to give the injured one. Each time it hit the ground I felt the pain shoot up through my entire leg, as though it had been forcefully injected in my veins. I welcomed this pain. It meant I was moving, getting closer to her. Each fiery shot of pain was another step toward finding her and making her safe – because the flash fire that burned me from slicing my paw almost completely in half was nothing compared to the darkness and ice cold fear that froze me to my very core the second I realized that she was missing. I'd slice myself open a million times to have her back, safe with me, lighting up my world and igniting my heart again.

Blackness was all around me. I saw nothing, heard nothing and felt nothing but gravity pulling me in the direction she had gone, tracking them by scent and the gravitational force of **her **alone.

Suddenly, my ears registered a series of sounds. Crisp autumn leaves were being whisked up into the air not too far ahead of me. Their scents were so strong they burned my nose and I could taste them in the back of my throat.

My vision turned red as I hurtled myself forward at a furious and frenzied pace, quickly gaining ground on Renesmee and the vile, murdering fucking leech I was about to rip to shreds.

I burst through the trees at the edge of a clearing, searching madly for her. I couldn't see her, or the leech. I kept sprinting and was almost to the other side when I felt my body lurch to the left... and then I saw her.

My heart squeezed and I could have sworn I felt it crack in two. I froze on the spot, falling to my knees unable to move, breathe or make a sound. She was lying face down on the ground, tucked behind a large boulder. I could see one of her eyes. It was closed. She wasn't moving.

FUCKING HELL, SHE'S NOT MOVING!

I leapt up, flying to her, praying the whole time that she was breathing... _please God, please let her be breathing_!

As I got closer I noticed the blood. She was bleeding from a large gash in the back of her head. My stomach rolled and I fought the urge to get sick while rolling her over gently with my uninjured paw. Once I had her on her back I looked down to see that her chest was moving, and heard her weak pulse.

My heart jumped in my chest, realizing that she was alive. She was hurt, though, and needed help. I turned my head to notice that the scent of the murdering leech continued off into the forest.

_Motherfucking bloodsucker left her here bleeding!_ Probably couldn't stand _feeding_ on someone so close to its own kind.

I could hear the others in the back of my mind, promising to hunt the fucking leech down, but they were still miles away. It didn't matter. She needed my help. I would stay and help her. When she was well I would hunt that sick, disgusting murderer down and kill it myself.

For the first time I noticed two objects lying on the ground near her. The first one I recognized immediately. The second looked like a wooden chess set, the kind that folded in half like a box to store the pieces in. What the hell? The box smelled distinctly like the murdering leech that I had been chasing. It left her bleeding and hurt with a chess set? I peered at the box closely, noticing some small writing at the top, near the latch. There on the black box in blood red, tiny script was a message that made me gasp out loud with both fright and fury.

Let the games begin... consider yourselves warned.

I shuddered and dragged in a ragged breath, realizing that there was no more confusion surrounding the murdering leech's presence. It was here for a reason, and it wasn't good. I decided not to worry about it right then. I needed to help Renesmee. I'd let the others help me figure this out later.

I looked back to the first object with a bit of confusion. She had brought our emergency back pack with her. It was full of supplies for us in case we ever needed to escape. Inside there were passports with fake names, money, clothes, even a few medical supplies.

Another snarl ripped though me as I realized she was going to run away. I vowed right then and there that after I had my way with the murdering leech, Paul would get what was coming to him. He hurt her so badly she was going to leave me, run away and not come back. I was _never_ going to let that happen.

I phased and grabbed the backpack off of the ground. I needed my hands to be able to tend to her injury. I ripped open the zipper and grabbed my jeans, t-shirt, socks, shoes and a tensor bandage from the small medical kit. I was grateful, once again, for the ability to heal so quickly. As soon as I had stopped running my injured paw began to close up. My injury was now a fading, angry pink line that ran the length of my entire right palm and a quarter inch of my wrist.

I threw my clothes on and turned back to her, afraid to move her more. If there was ever a time I prayed for the Cullen's family leader to be near it was now. Carlisle would know what to do. But I didn't have Carlisle here, so I had to do the best I could for her on my own.

With shaking hands I reached down and began wrapping the tensor bandage around her head, hoping to stop the bleeding. She had never been hurt before. Ever. I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I took in her tiny, frail, limp form on the ground. I wished like hell that she would wake up.

I finished wrapping the bandage around her head and clipped it closed with one of the small metal clips it came with. Not knowing what else to do I decided to try and wait until she woke up to move her. She was injured and I didn't want to make it worse. If she didn't wake up by the time the others got here I would have Seth help me take her to Carlisle.

I knelt down and crouched over her to lay my forehead on her stomach. I cried silent tears while listening to her rapid, shallow breathing, praying and hoping with all of my being that she would please just _wake up_. She had to be ok. She just _had _to.


	20. Pain Parts 1 & 2

**This chapter is written in two parts – the same events from both Jake and Nessie. I won't do this double POV often, but it's important here, so I did.**

**I've been told that you may need a tissue for this one too.**

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. Unfortunately, I won Jake and Nessie's pain in this chapter.**

**Chapter 20 (part one) – Pain**

How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
Where I've become so numb Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home 

_**Chorus**_  
_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

Now that I know what I'm without  
You can't just leave me  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life

_**Chorus**__  
_  
Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch, without your love darling, only you are the life among the dead.

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
Got to open my eyes to everything  
Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life

_**Chorus**__  
_  
(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)

**RPOV**

I was bewildered and lost. The darkness was everywhere, so black and consuming... the very vastness of it frightened me. I sought desperately to find a sliver, a speck or a ray of light anywhere. I knew instantly something was very wrong. Darkness was never truly dark to me... I had superior night vision as part of my vampire DNA. Nothing was ever this dark – unless my eyes were closed. I searched my body, trying to feel if my eyes were open or shut. As my brain began to register the functions of my face I realized that my eyes were indeed shut. I tried, in vain, to open them. I simply couldn't get the lids to move, no matter how hard I tried. It was as if they had been weighed down, tethered or anchored shut, forcing the blackness upon me. This should have been disturbing for me. I should have been very worried that I simply could _not_ open my eyes. But I wasn't. Because in that moment, my body began to register other things about itself, and with that, I realized that anchored eyelids were the least of my problems.

My head was – _pulsing. _It felt like something inside of it was pushing, banging furiously, trying desperately to get out. Was this pain? _Yes_ this must be pain... _so much pain._ I wanted to use my hands to push on it, scrape at it, and tear into it... anything to just _make it stop!_ But I couldn't move. To make matters worse, there was another pain now, in my back. With each breath I felt a hot, stabbing pain ripple outward from the centre of my back. I wanted to scream and cry and beg someone to make this stop... but I could do nothing. I felt trapped in my own body. I couldn't move, speak, feel or hear anything that wasn't going on inside my own body. I had no idea what was going on around me.

I was trapped in a world of pain, with no way to stop it, and no release. I didn't even know if there was anyone who could help me. My pulse began to race, and if it could have, I think I my body would have been shaking from head to toe.

The memories of what had happened to me began to come back slowly, they were a bit fuzzy around the edges. I was being chased by a vampire. Our visitor from Alaska was there, in La Push... and it had been there the night Billy died. I tried to focus on the memories, hoping to distract myself from the horrible pain. I had been kneeling in front of Billy's house, with my head in my hands, crying and apologizing to him over and over for taking Jake, his son and protector away from him when he needed it most. It hurt so badly to see the charred remains of his house, I felt as though I had been burning too, from the inside. I knelt and cried and tore at my hair uselessly. Nothing would bring him back, nothing could undo what I had done.

I was getting ready to leave, to go far away from La Push and all the pain I had caused the people I loved, when my ears registered the sound of an unfamiliar approach. I turned my head and caught the scent of the strange vampire from the other day. _NO!_ I had thought, _I need to get out of here! _ I didn't take time to think beyond that before leaping to my feet and taking off into the woods, hoping that I might be able to outrun the vampire that had obviously murdered Billy Black and was back to cause more destruction. I had been getting faster, and could keep up with Jake. I prayed that it would be fast enough.

At the thought of Jake, escape was suddenly the least of my worries. _Jacob_... he would follow me, try to find me when he realized I was trying to run off. I hadn't really thought it through that far. I was so upset about being responsible for Billy's death, I hadn't thought about what Jacob might do if I just left like that. I thought he would be angry with me about Billy, and maybe that would still be the case, but I knew that no matter what, if Jake thought I was in danger he would move heaven and earth to make me safe again. And if he followed me to Billy's and caught my scent... and the other... _Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!_ _What have I done!_ Jacob would follow me; he would try to fight this vampire. It had killed his father, and if it was now chasing me, he would surely hunt it down and rip the creature to shreds. _What if the vampire didn't follow me? What if_ _it had come back to La Push for someone else? They had no idea, they would be caught unprepared, just like Billy had been._ I remember hoping and praying then, with every fiber of my being, that this vampire would chase me, and leave Jacob and the rest of the Quileute tribe in peace.

Luck was on my side for once as I heard the rustling of fall leaves and the sound of someone ghosting through the branches at lightning speed about a mile or so behind me. I had said a quick prayer of thanks and then pushed myself to run as fast as I could, to lead this dangerous creature as far away from the people I loved as I could. I thought it was the least I could do. I couldn't do anything to save Billy now, but I could do this. I could save whoever it was coming for this time.

We had been running forever, I didn't know what direction I had been going, or where as I was headed... so long as it was far away from Forks and La Push, I didn't care. My strength began to wane. I could feel the burn in my muscles. I was fast and strong, but unlike full blooded vampires I did get tired eventually. I had been running at a full out sprint for what felt like hours, with our emergency escape backpack strapped to me. I wasn't going to be able to keep this pace for much longer.

I remembered feeling myself begin to slow involuntarily, my legs, lungs and heart burning with exertion and nearing exhaustion. I remembered thinking the dangerous vampire would catch up with me soon. I had started to cry, hoping that whatever it would do with me would be quick and painless, and enough to satisfy the monster so it wouldn't go back and hurt anyone else that I loved or cared about.

I remembered hearing its gaining approach, and the scent of it getting stronger. I had reached a clearing and was completely exposed, with no hope of hiding from my assailant. It was close, only yards away now, and gaining. I had just reached the other side when I felt something hard hit my back, and it _hurt_... so badly. I thought I felt something crack within me, and had sucked in a painful gasp, but couldn't breathe enough to scream. Before I could register what had happened I was falling... and then the world faded to black.

I started to panic. Was I dead? Maybe not dead, because death shouldn't be this painful. But was I dying?

The rush of that final memory and the first crushing blow of pain brought me back to my current state. The endless pain, and my futile attempts to make my body respond and do something... _anything, _to make it stop_. _

Suddenly, I was certain that I heard a scream, something strangled and tortured, but it wasn't my own. I felt something warm brush against my palm, my forehead head... my lips. I felt a warm glow wherever it touched me. It was just a tiny flash, but it was enough to know... _Jacob._

Oh God, Jake, my Jacob! He found me! Jacob was here! But the vampire – where had it gone? Did he chase it off? Did they fight? NO!If he found that vampire they would have fought to the death. Did this mean Jacob won? Or worse... did this mean he hadn't won, and he was with me and we were both... _NO_. I refused to think that. I couldn't bear the thought of someone hurting my Jacob, taking his warmth and strength away from the world. I didn't care if I was dying – please God, if I was, make sure that Jacob was _not_ joining me.

Was he hurt? He was crying, and I was now certain that the scream I had heard was from him. I could hear him now. I wasn't able to make out any words, just muffled sounds. He was in pain. I wanted to comfort him, but I still couldn't move, and to be honest, the pain I felt made it impossible to think of anything soothing or calming to try and do or say.

Slowly, through the haze of the pain and blackness I began to make out words.

"Please wake up. Nessie, please, just wake up."

_I'm trying, _I thought desperately, _but I don't know how!_

I listened closely, praying that this was a sign that I wasn't going to die. I let his voice pull me back. I clung to his every sound, trying to grab hold of it and crawl through the pain and blackness to make it back it back to him.

"It's going to be ok. Please, just wake up so I can take you to Carlisle...please." His voice trailed off and his last plea sounded as though it had been choked out of him.

I was desperate to find my way back, to let him know somehow that I was here, I could hear him and that I wanted nothing more than to make my way back to him. But I couldn't speak, and if I could I'm sure I would be screaming in pain.

Without warning, I heard a menacing growl bubble up from Jacob's chest, and felt him tremble against me. The arms gripping mine began to shake with the familiar vibration that told me he was on the edge. Were we in danger? Was the vampire back? _Oh God NO! _

My rush sudden terror brought me back to the surface. I flung an arm up in a flash to connect with Jake's shaking form. The sudden movement sent the pain I was feeling in both my head and back into overdrive, making it all consuming. I was lost in it. A scream of pain and terror escaped my lips, soon to be echoed by Jacob's own. He crumpled over me, and the shaking stopped as I continued to scream, in pain, frightened and confused about everything that was going on.

Over the screaming and Jacob's cries I heard another familiar voice, followed by a series of gasps, hisses and growls.

"CARLISLE!" It screamed in agony, "_Help her!_" Daddy...?

And then the warmth was gone, replaced by brushes of cold, and Jakes cries grew weaker. He had moved away from me, taking the warmth I had been clinging to and struggling to get back to, with him. I heard muffled voices, strained with concern, but I didn't care what they were saying, or who they were from I just knew more than anything that I needed Jake back. I worked my brain trying to find a way to speak through the pain. I needed him back... so desperately.

"NO!" I screamed, my brain finally and forcefully coming to grips with my burning desire to speak, "JAKE!" I needed him... I needed his warmth.

In an instant he was back at my side. I reached out and grabbed hold of him with every ounce of strength I had left. He cried out again, no words, just a strangled cry of pain. My mind registered a second, slightly muffled cry, but I was in too much pain to figure out who or where it was coming from. I eased my grip slightly, worried that I was somehow hurting him.

He leaned down to speak, his voice strained, his breath hot on my ear. "No, hold on Ness, as tight as you can, just hold on_._ Don't worry about me baby, just _hold on_."

I squeezed again with all my strength and cried out as something pushed against the throbbing pain in my head, making it burn. He screamed with me, his cry burning in my ear, and then stopped as abruptly as he started, as I continued. I heard the sound of his teeth grinding against each other and his breath was laboured, from exertion.

"It's ok," he said through his teeth, "it's Carlisle, he's trying to close the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. It's ok."

I moaned my reply, not being able to form words once again. I was vaguely becoming aware of other voices around me. Many familiar voices. There were so many it was hard to distinguish what they were saying in my current state.

I heard my father's voice though, begging my grandfather about something to help with the pain.

And then I heard my grandfather. He was asking me questions, trying to discern where I was hurt. He wanted to know if I was injured anywhere else.

I nodded, forgetting my head injury for a second. I screamed through the pain the small movement caused, as Jacob growled and I found I couldn't find the words to tell my grandfather what he needed to know.

_My back, please my back!_ I thought furtively.

And then I heard Jacob and my father's voiced in unison, "Her back," they both said, Jake in a strangled whisper and my father in clipped tone, his voice thick with worry and concern.

"I need to see her back Jacob," my grandfather said in a low and cautious voice, "can you support her head and neck while I roll her on to her side?" I felt Jacob nod slowly against the side of my head.

I waited for the movement to begin, this was going to hurt... a lot. As I waited I heard a whisper of an apology in my ear.

"I'm so sorry baby," Jake whispered as he let go of my hand to place his large hands on either side of my face, with his elbows resting firmly on my shoulders. I reached my arm up to place my hand on his neck, needing to hold on to him, and his forehead fell to mine.

"Jacob, are you sure you can do this?" I heard my grandfather say with concern.

I felt Jake grit his teeth and nod against my forehead. Then, without any more warning, I felt my grandfather's cool hands begin to lift me as Jake held on to my head and neck making sure they didn't move a millimeter to either side.

The pain doubled as my back began to throb and burn. I froze, unable to even scream, my jaw tightening and my body locking down on it. I felt every light and cool brush of my grandfather's hands as he tore the back of my dress open to expose my skin. I heard muffled gasps and growls again and then it all started to fade in the background of the pain. I heard my grandfather mutter something about broken ribs and internal bleeding. Every touch, every brush of my grandfather's fingers was like a knife, dragging down and into my skin. I felt myself begin to tremble with the effort of bottling up the pain. My mind began to float again, back to the black. It drifted... fading out. _Too much pain_.

I felt Jake's breath on my face stop as my mind drifted. "NO!" I heard him growl through his teeth. And right before I felt the last of the blackness creep over me I felt the warmth, the heat and the gravitational pull of Jake on my lips, trying to bring me back. My entire being was clinging to it.

I clung on to that warmth for what seemed like hours with desperation, needing to feel him - hanging on to the warmth that was battling the cool blackness that threatened to take over.

I felt the coolness and the force of the black begin to fade as the warmth took over. _I love you Jacob, _I thought, _I'm sorry. I won't let go._ And with that thought I drifted again, but not into the blackness, into the warmth.

**Chapter 20 (part two) - Pain**

**JPOV**

She lay there, silent and unmoving. I felt the darkness fall around me, and threaten to crush me. I held her gingerly, not wanting to hurt her, not knowing how to help her. The tears flowed freely down my cheeks and all I could say over and over again was "Please wake up. Nessie, just please wake up." I begged and pleaded but got no response.

Out of nowhere her heart rate sped, her breathing turned into short shallow gasps and her body began shaking. She was trembling from head to toe, every part of her in a constant state of vibration. Her long mane of copper curls even trembled against the forest floor. _What the hell did it mean?_ Was she getting better, worse... I had no idea how to tell.

And then it hit me. Faster than lightning, and still repeating my mantra of begging and pleading I grabbed her hand, pressing our palms together desperately.

I was not prepared for what happened next.

I was hit with a massive wall of blackness and _pain._ Searing, pulsing pain from her head, where she was injured and bleeding. I cried out from the intensity of it. It felt as though I were feeling it myself. My heart nearly stopped and I prayed for someone, anyone to just get here so that we could get her help. I could only think of one thing to do that might reach her in this state. I pulled her palm up, noticing my hand was trembling, and kissed it gently, feeling a dim flash of the heat and pull we had together. I leaned in and kissed her forehead, so gently I barely grazed her, not wanting to make her hurt even more, but enough to feel the small burst of fire.

Then I shifted down to her lips, and pressed mine against hers. I could taste my own tears, salty, warm and wet as they fell and I continued to kiss her. I willed every ounce of my being, every particle of our pull, that gravitational, electric fire into this soft and slow kiss.

I pulled back, feeling defeated at her lack of response. I felt it... couldn't she? I began my mantra again whispering, "Please wake up. Nessie, just please wake up."

I was still gripping her palm, feeling and fighting through the pain that gripped her, right alongside her as I chanted. Suddenly, I heard it. Or rather I _felt_ it. It was faint, but there was no mistaking her thoughts...

_I'm trying, but I don't know how! _ The desperation in her thoughts was almost as strong as the pain. She was fighting! My beautiful girl was in there and fighting. She felt the pull, like I knew she would. And she heard me. I decided to encourage her as much as possible.

"It's going to be ok. Please, just wake up so I can take you to Carlisle...please." I begged and pleaded with her to fight. I choked out the last word of my request, knowing that I needed her to fight just as much as she did. If she didn't pull through this I wouldn't make it either. I needed her to wake up.

Behind me in the trees I heard the rustling of leaves. My hands ran up her arms and gripped ready to make a run for it when, suddenly, I knew I couldn't move her... nor did I want to. A growl ripped through my chest as I anticipated the return of the murdering fucking leech that had killed my father and done THIS to my beautiful girl. I tensed and began to tremble, feeling the heat flash up my spine. As I moved to get up and away from Nessie, so I could _end_ the vile and disgusting creature, a tiny hand flew up and pressed against me.

In the same instant she connected with me I felt the sudden rush of pain that accompanied it, along with the most beautiful and terrifying sound I had ever heard in my whole life. She screamed, the most horrible, blood-curdling scream I had ever heard. I was elated, that she was moving and responding, and horrified at the intensity of her pain and the response to it.

I cried out in agony... for her and for myself. As long as she held her grip on me I felt it too, all of the pain and suffering was doubled, it was hers and mine together. I crumpled on to her as we screamed, having just barely enough strength to keep myself from putting my weight on her and injuring her even further.

Before I knew what was happening I heard and saw several things flashing before me.

I heard Edward scream from behind me "CARLISLE! _Help her!_"

And then the clearing was filled with vampires and wolves.

Carlisle flew to our sides asking me where she was hurt, if I was hurt... but I couldn't force myself to respond. I was still lost in the grips of our pain.

I found myself suddenly air born, being picked up and dropped to a spot on the ground a few feet away. Edward. He must have known why I couldn't respond. His face was drawn in pain as he looked to me desperately for answers. I gasped, suddenly free from the pain, trying to sort myself out and figure out how to make my brain function enough to speak again, because the pain was _that_ crippling.

Before I could do any of that I heard Nessie cry out, "NO! JAKE!" as Carlisle began to work over her, looking like he was trying to get her vitals.

I wrenched myself off of the ground and out of Edward's grasp and flew back to her, kneeling by her side and grabbing on to her hand once again, just as she reached out for me.

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!" I cried, the pain gripping me again. I heard Edward gasp as he read in our thoughts what I was doing, and how it was affecting both her and me. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands, crying out into them, feeling it right along with us. Within seconds his cry faded, and he sat motionless as a stone, coming to grips with what was going on between Nessie and me.

I felt her apprehension in her thoughts, she seemed to be wondering if I was hurt. Her grip loosened on me, but I wasn't going to allow that. I needed her to _stay with me_. I didn't care how badly it hurt. I decided then and there that she couldn't know about it if it was going to lesson her fight in any way. I just wouldn't let her know about the pain. I'd bite it all back to save her. I'd go fucking crazy with the pain if she would just _fight_ and make it back to me.

I leaned down to whisper in her ear, as calmly as I could manage through the pain "No, hold on Ness, as tight as you can, just hold on_._ Don't worry about me baby, just _hold on._"

She squeezed my hand back in response just as Carlisle moved to redress her head wound, applying pressure with gauze to stop the bleeding. The bandage I had applied had slowed it, but not stopped it completely. She was still losing a fair amount of blood.

She cried out as the pain in her head intensified into a grueling burn on top of the already horrific and painful throbbing. A scream left my lips without my permission as I felt it too, both from her and me. As soon as I could, I forced my mouth to close, locking my jaw shut and grinding my teeth against the pain. I could feel the pressure on my teeth and I tried to loosen the my jaw before I cracked one, not knowing if werewolf's teeth would heal as well as the rest of our bodies did when injured. I didn't want to do any permanent damage to them. I needed them sharp and in one piece, _ready to rip the monster that did this to her to shreds_. My neck muscles strained with the effort as she continued to scream. I decided to try and talk to her, tell her what was going on. Maybe it would help.

My face was still by her ear as I knelt next to her, so I opened my lips and ground the words out through the fortress of my unmoving jaw and teeth, "It's ok, it's Carlisle, he's trying to close the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. It's ok."

Her screaming stopped. I relaxed minutely.

I heard Edward trying to talk Carlisle into giving her something for the pain. His voice was weak and strangled – he was barely holding it together. Carlisle didn't even acknowledge his request. It was then that I knew just how bad this was. Carlisle was so compassionate, he would never leave anyone in pain, given a choice. There must not be time. Edward's pleas cut off immediately, probably in response to either mine or Carlisle's thoughts about the urgency of the situation.

Carlisle decided to take advantage of the silence to try and ask her questions about her injuries.

"Nessie, is it just your head, or does it hurt anywhere else?" Carlisle asked.

In a moment of forgetfulness Nessie began nodding her head to indicate that she was hurt elsewhere too. I had very little time to even register my upset over her confirmation of that because I was busy dealing with the onslaught of pain caused from just that little movement of her head.

OH GOD, she _was_ hurt somewhere else... and I had turned her over when I found her. What if I hurt her more, or made it worse! I growled at my own idiocy and the pain just as I heard her trying to convey her thoughts.

_My back, please my back!_ She pleaded desperately. I was horrified. I had moved her with a back injury.

My God, what had I _done_?

"Her back," I managed to whisper, as Edward choked out the same response after hearing her thoughts.

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and glanced up to see Carlisle with an apprehensive and fearful look on his face. "I need to see her back Jacob, can you support her head and neck while I roll her on to her side?"

I stared at him with fear a thousand times greater than I had a minute ago written all over my face. What if this hurt her more? What if I couldn't hold on tight enough...?

The look on Carlisle's face told me that we didn't have much choice. One way or another he was going to have to turn her. I decided that I wouldn't be able to trust anyone else to do it... and she needed me. I felt it in her every thought and her vice-grip on my hand. I forced the fear from my mind, determined to make this work.

I closed my eyes and focused all of my energy on my strength and willed myself to have steady hands as I nodded in agreement. I brought my knee up and over her, to straddle her waist. I had to pry her hand from mine to get the grip I needed on either side of her head. I knew what the loss of that connection would cost her, and how much this one move would hurt her. I couldn't fight back the guilt that I may have already hurt her by rolling her earlier.

"I'm so sorry baby," I whispered letting her know how I was feeling, and that I wished I could take it all back, make it all go away. Just as I said it, I felt her hand reach up weakly and attach itself to the back of my neck. My forehead fell to hers as I felt the need for me in her thoughts and then the desperation in mine, knowing that with her attached to me this way we were going to be feeling the pain together... and I couldn't move a fraction of an inch - making my job that much harder.

Carlisle must have caught on to our connection by now because I heard his sharp intake of breath as my head fell to hers. "Jacob, are you sure you can do this?" he asked, his voice full of concern and worry for both of us.

I gritted my teeth in anticipation of the pain and nodded.

Our bodies both went into lockdown as Carlisle rolled us to our sides. The pain was... overwhelming and all consuming. I tried to channel it, forcing my reaction into the steel grip of my arms, willing them not to move as we rolled to the side and finally stopped in our new position facing each other, lying on our sides on the ground. As Carlisle ripped open the back of her dress I heard the cries, growls and hisses of the others in the clearing, indicating how bad it looked from where they stood.

Carlisle began to touch her skin, very lightly, to try and ascertain what kind of injuries were underneath it. As he did that it felt like stabbing sensations, ripping through her, through us. She began to tremble in my arms and I vaguely remember Carlisle saying something about her having broken ribs, and with all of the bruising possibly some internal bleeding too.

But before I could process it, I felt her slip – and the agony it produced in me was like nothing I had ever felt before. It felt like someone singlehandedly ripped my beating heart from my chest and stomped on it, threatening to squash the life out of it.

The blackness in her mind returned, strong and cold, and much more forcefully than it had been before the others got here. It was closing in on her. She was leaving me... I could feel it...

"NO!" I growled out in fury. Without another thought I crashed my lips into hers, not allowing any other part of our bodies to move. I heard nothing of the world around us that moment, but let my mind wander over the past five years together. I thought of the moment I realized who she was, and the connection that we shared. I thought of all the fun we had as she grew up, playing games and fishing with Billy. I thought about all of our memories together, focusing on our connection and how much I needed her in each one.

And then I began to think about the last couple of weeks. How she finally admitted to wanting more from us. How I scrambled at lightning speed to catch up to her and realized that she was right, it was time for the next step. I thought about our first kiss, and poured the passion, need and longing of it out into the one we shared now. I thought about every moment we had together since then, and how much it meant to me to be connected with her in that way. And then I thought about the last couple of days. Our time in the cave, to finding out Billy was dead, to last night at her parent's cottage. I thought about her beauty, her strength and her love for me the last couple of days and willed her with everything I had to come back to me so we could be together and I could tell her and show her just how much I loved I her.

I don't know how long we lay like that, but I kissed her until the black began to fade and the light and the warmth in her thoughts returned. I knew it had worked when I heard her weakly, like she was fighting against sleep –

_I love you Jacob. I'm sorry. I won't let go._

And with that I pulled back to rest my head on the ground as silent tears of relief ran down my face and I drifted into an exhausted sleep next to her.


	21. Eyes Wide Open

**This chapter begins with some reflection from Edward's point of view. Most chapters in this story will be Jake and Nessie, but some Edward and Bella chapters are important for the development of the plot. **

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own what's inside of the mysterious chess box.**

**Chapter 21 – Eyes Wide Open**

**EPOV**

"_Daddy!" She squealed with delight as I walked in the door to the small cottage. She was a tiny, fiery ball of energy, bounding towards me. Her long, copper curls were pulled back with a hair tie into a messy bun. That was definitely Bella's influence. Alice and Rosalie preferred more structured and less messy styles for both Nessie's hair and clothing. Bella was simply content to have her enjoy the freedom of being messy once in a while. I couldn't help but agree. Children should be messy. She wasn't going to have many chances to act like a child. _

_We should savor and take advantage of each opportunity._

"_Guess what Daddy?" she said cocking her head to the side with a smirk. Her brown eyes twinkled with excitement. I chuckled under my breath. Bella always said she was up to something when she smirked like that. She claimed that she inherited it from me._

"

_What is it, darling?" _

"_I lost my first tooth! I can already see the top of my adult tooth coming in too. Grandpa Carlisle said it should be out within a couple of days, but by then I may have lost one or two more. Mommy says that I can have my own Jane Austen collection. I know she thinks it's some kind of compensation, like the other children get from the tooth fairy. I don't believe in the tooth fairy. I told mommy that, but she just says that she's getting me a treat to celebrate this as an important milestone." She sighed and knit her eyebrows together as she pondered something. I waited, interested to see what was puzzling or distressing her about getting a treat. _

"_I know it's not fair for me to get gifts simply because I'm growing up. From what I understand other children get a small amount of money, or candy to celebrate the loss of a tooth. Why should I be any different?" My little girl, who was technically only one year old, but physically more like five, looked up to me with a hint of sadness in her eyes. Her face was pulled into a disapproving frown. _

_I sighed quietly and thought about how to properly answer her question. This wasn't the first time Nessie had questioned our actions based on what she knew was deemed "normal" for a growing child. But the fact of the matter was that Nessie _wasn't _a normal growing child. She grew and learned much faster than any human child would. She passed milestones and leaped from one stage of development to another at a startlingly rapid pace. From Bella's point of view, this made sense. Renesmee wasn't going to lose her teeth slowly, getting many small gifts from the "tooth fairy" one at a time. She would probably lose them all within the next couple of days and have her new, adult teeth in place within a couple of days after that. One larger gift made sense. Everything with our little girl was faster, larger and intensified. _

_Because that's what she was, in essence; a faster, larger and intensely unique child. _

_I thought of a compromise that might appease them both. I smiled a half smile and realized that I was indeed wearing the very same smirk our daughter had worn not five minutes ago. I chuckled softly, shaking my head. _Our child_ wearing my smirk, with my copper hair, Charlie's curls and Bella's beautiful brown eyes. It still seemed like a miracle to me every time I realized that this dream I had never dared to dream had come true. _

"_Well, I know that your mother already has the collection to give to you. I believe there are eight books in total. What if we gave you one book for each set of three teeth that you lost? You have 20 teeth, so that will leave us with two extra. We can give those to you once your adult teeth have come in and set?"_

_She smiled and nodded while thinking ,"Thank you daddy! That's perfect! Can you put me down now? I want to go tell Jacob!"_

I shook my head lightly from side to side, thoughts of Jacob bringing me back to present day. It was dark still. Renesmee had yet to wake up. Carlisle had done everything within his power to repair the damage she suffered. She had a fractured skull, swelling on the brain, four broken ribs, some internal bleeding and plenty of bruising caused by shards of her shattered ribs tearing into internal organs. It seemed as though she was healing quickly. It wasn't as fast as the wolves healed, but Carlisle was certain that she would wake up sometime within the next hour or so and be completely healed within a matter of days. Jacob was lying on the opposite side of the bed from where I sat, still holding one of Renesmee's hands. He had not left her side, refusing to let go of her hand until she woke up. He was fast asleep, dreaming of her and their time together in Alaska. I did my best to block it out, as I had seen quite enough of the details of their new, budding relationship over the last twenty-four hours. It's not as though the details themselves were disturbing. No, in fact they were mostly simple and somewhat sweet. Although _mostly_ simple and _somewhat_ sweet were not what I'd like to think of when it comes to my daughter and matters of romance.

I lowered my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose, and sighed quietly in frustration. I had been privy to countless thoughts of new romance over the years, many much more complicated and much less endearing than what was happening in my daughter's life, but none of them seemed to bother me as much as this. Well, maybe not _none_ of them. Mike Newton and his little fantasies about Bella enraged me and had me vowing to commit murder on several occasions. And then, of course, there was Jacob... and Bella. I know Bella thought she was protecting me by not showing me her true feelings for Jacob in her thoughts until now, but now that I had seen them and heard for myself what she was thinking I wish she would have shown me sooner. It was such a relief to me, to know that although their connection was strong, she never thought of him romantically. Not until that day on the mountain, and only then, under tremendous emotional stress and the pressure of Jacob's idol threat to kill himself, had she allowed herself to give in and imagine it. The force his passion and their draw to one another won out over her own rational thoughts at the moment. Instinct had taken over. But it left, as quickly as it came. She was not meant for him... but he was meant for part of her.

I allowed my mind to wander over the events in the clearing from just over a day ago.

I raced through the woods, with Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett by my side to find her. Leah had been quick enough in coming with her warning that we were just minutes behind the wolves when we started out. Fear and anger over the possibility of Nessie being attacked pushed us to race at a fast enough pace to eventually catch up with them. When we were almost to the clearing I heard the most horrible sound I had heard since that day almost six years ago in the ballet studio with Bella. Renesmee was screaming... it was a gut-wrenching, guttural cry. I was close enough to read what was going through her mind. She was worried about the strange vampire returning and Jake leaving her to fight with it. And then there was the _pain_. One thing I had been glad to having been spared with Bella was the ability to read her pain in her thoughts. I had watched her endure pain that could and should have killed her, but never once had to endure listening to her feel it through her thoughts, and for that I was eternally grateful. _This_, listening to my daughter, her world a black, pulsing and searing world of pain... _this was torturous_.

We burst through the edge of the clearing to find Jacob hovering over Nessie, her palm pressed up against Jacob's neck, both of them crippled with the pain. When Carlisle tried to ask Jake questions he couldn't answer through the pain. I pulled him off of her in an attempt to clear his mind so he could answer Carlisle and tell him what he knew about her condition.

I wasn't prepared for Nessie's reaction. Her thoughts went from dark, to impossibly darker the second he was away from her. She became frantic, wanting and needing his presence back to hang onto the light that came with it. It was essential. The terror of the loss brought her back to the surface enough to cry out for him. Those were the only words that had escaped her lips since we had found her.

And then he was at her side, grabbing on to her hand, bringing the light back to her and sharing her pain. He was bearing it as if it were his own. He felt every pulse, every searing pang of pain and heat, and did it willingly to save her.

It had been years since I began respecting Jacob, and appreciating how he took care of Renesmee. Yesterday, however, that respect reached an entirely new level. His persistence and self sacrifice were endless. Any of us would have fought to defend her. Any of us would have done anything we could to protect her. _He_ was determined to save her at any cost... and he did. His need to save her was intensified because it was also a form of self-preservation. If she didn't survive he couldn't either. I doubt that any one of us would have had the ability to bear the pain and anxiety that he endured while holding her still as Carlisle turned her over. And even if we had been able to somehow withstand and survive the pain of that move, none of us could have brought her back when she slipped away.

I had felt it all with them. She faded quickly, losing her battle with the pain. Her light had all but burned out. For the split second it took for her to leave us I was frozen in abject fear and horror – _my little girl was leaving me_! I was frustrated and rigid with fear and anxiety as I watched my only child sipping away from us and into the darkness.

Until he kissed her. Jacob felt her slipping away and refused to let her go. He was losing himself right along with her. He was fierce and passionate in his determination – _she would not die. _

As difficult as it has been for me to admit, I knew, after watching him breathe life back into her through a kiss, that their bond and love for one another was something truly unique and undeniably essential. He would move heaven and earth, sacrifice himself and become whatever she needed to save her. He pulled her back to us with the strength of their love and dedication to one another. It was remarkable to behold. I've never seen Carlisle as desperate to save any one as he had been with Renesmee – but when she slipped away from us I heard the desperation in his thoughts morph into anguish. He had done all he could do without getting her home and she wasn't going to make it there; until Jacob saved her. I heard the collective gasps and sobs of the people and wolves around us as most of them thought it was a kiss goodbye. I knew better what Jacob was trying to do, so I glared at them all, encouraging them all to keep quiet and still so as not to distract either of them. And then I waited... and I prayed. I wasn't sure if any deity would have time for the prayers of the damned, but these prayers weren't for me. They were for my little girl. I had to try. It was all I could do.

When she returned to us with a simple and weak, "I love you Jacob. I'm sorry. I won't let go." she confirmed what I already should have known; she felt the same way about Jacob. She needed him and fought tooth and nail to get back to him, just as he fought for her.

So we hadn't lost her, which should have had me feeling ecstatic. However, in the present moment I was anything but. Our relief at saving her was short lived. After we returned to the house Carlisle treated what he could of her injuries. When she was safe and resting we decided to look at the contents of the strange item that was left with her.

On the surface it would have appeared to be a normal boxed chess set. It's sleek, black and white surface was not ornate or unique in any way. It was the inscription, written in an ominous shade of red near the latch that sparked our curiosity.

So, with the entire Cullen family, Sam and Leah present we decided to open the box with hopes that it would reveal something about who the assailant had been and what they wanted with Billy and Renesmee. Leah was representing Jake's pack, as he was sleeping beside Renesmee, holding her hand. There was no way to separate them. Jacob had insisted on carrying her home. When we got here he took her hand, and she grasped on to it firmly. It was the only response she had to anything around her since she had been unconscious. Her reaction didn't even register as a thought in her head – it was almost, instinctual. They held onto each other, connected by one hand through the surgery Carlisle performed to repair the damage done to her internal organs. As soon as the procedure was finished and Carlisle was able to guarantee that her life was no longer in jeopardy, Jacob fell asleep. I knew there was no point trying to wake him. He would not leave her side until she was awake. He was exhausted from bearing the physical and emotional pain of the evening; he needed the rest almost as much as she did.

So, it was without either of them present that we opened the seemingly strange and insignificant box. It was anything but. What was contained in that box changed everything. It was the reason for Billy's death, the reason for the strange visitors... and the reason the Cullens and some of the wolves were packing to depart from Forks and La Push. It was the reason Bella and I had to say goodbye to our little girl, not knowing when, _I refused to think __**if**_, we would see her again. It contained a folded letter, along with a single chess piece – a white queen. The letter itself was a letter addressed to Renesmee and filled with a barrage of Shakespearean quotes. The outside of the letter bore the words; _The Terms._

_Dearest Renesmee,_

_You have witchcraft in your lips..._

_For where thou art, is the world itself, and where thou art not, is desolation._

_Come what sorrow can, It cannot countervail the exchange of joy, that one short minute gives me in her sight._

_I humbly do beseech your pardon, for too much loving you._

_Love is too young to know what conscience is._

_The web of life is of a mingled yarn, __**good and ill together**__._

_Love goes by haps; __**some Cupid kills with arrows**__, __**some by traps**__._

_He is winding the watch of his wit; __**by and by it will strike**__._

_Let every eye negotiate for itself and __**trust no agent**__._

_**She is beautiful, and therefore to be wooed; She is woman and therefore to be won.**_

_The quest to win your hand has begun. No life is too precious an obstacle to stand in the way. All those you know are merely pawns._

_~Your hopeful, future King~_

She was being hunted, pursued and as the poem stated, sought out as Queen of an unknown and seemingly dangerous self-proclaimed King. Our quest was to protect her, find out who was pursuing her and why they wanted her. We planned to split up. Carlisle and Esme were heading to Europe. Rose and Emmett were going to cover Asia and Africa. Bella and I would be covering North and South America along with Alice and Jasper. We had friends and acquaintances all over the world. Someone, somewhere should know something of the vampire who wanted Renesmee. We decided to locate the vampires we know and investigate their circles of friends and acquaintances. We did not flaunt Renesmee. Her unique nature led some of our kind to think negatively of her. Rumors of her existence spread after our confrontation with the Volturi five years ago. But whoever wrote the letter seemed to know her, or at least have seen her before. He commented on being in her presence. No one but our own small family and our closest friends were aware that Jacob and Nessie had moved to Alaska. Whoever was responsible for this knew where she was. They found her and Jacob and very nearly crossed paths with them several times. So, as it was, we decided to find and question anyone our friends and acquaintances had been in contact with, that might have heard about her recent move.

Most of the wolves would be staying behind in La Push to protect their people. Sam decided to accompany Bella, Alice, Jasper and I, and bring his wife Emily along with him. I wasn't at all sure that Sam would even want his pack involved. A threat to Renesmee did not pose any direct threat to him or his tribe. He assured me that because the vampire had killed on their land his pack would most definitely be involved. They considered the reservation unsafe until the murderer was caught and dealt with. He was also very concerned about Jacob and how devastated he would be if something happened to Renesmee. So, Sam agreed to accompany us, serving as a liaison between the other wolves in La Push and most importantly Jacob and Renesmee.

My heart was heavy when I resigned myself to the fact that it was time to entrust our daughter to his protection.

We woke Jacob shortly after we had opened the box and showed him its contents. In the few years that I have known Jacob I have seen him both angry and upset. I've even seem him fierce and protective. His reaction to this threat was so much more than any of that. _He was livid_. His eyes narrowed to slits, their dark irises looking for the entire world like they were on fire, holding the black fury of hell. His breathing became rapid and shallow. A low growl rumbled in chest as his natural reaction to danger took over and his large form vibrated as he leapt off of the bed. It took all of his strength and willpower to hold his grip on Nessie's hand without hurting her. He stood there for a long time, glaring at the contents of the box with an expression that would have set them ablaze if it could. As he stood there Sam and I carefully explained our plan.

When he was finally able to speak it was through a tensed and hardened jaw.

"I'll hide her," he spat. As he spoke the box he held snapped and broke, crumpling to pieces under the pressure of his angered grip.

So, to keep Renesmee's whereabouts unknown, Jacob would be going with her into hiding, to protect her from being found and whoever may try to harm her, while we tracked down the vampire responsible. Jacob would be bringing Leah and Seth with him, along with Olivia. The rest of his pack would stay behind in La Push.

While Bella and I were both desperate to be with Renesmee, we both knew that my gift would be much better employed in tracking the monsters responsible for doing this to her than going with her into hiding. Oh, how I loathed the thought of leaving her when she was in danger. As her father my natural instinct was to protect her. Until I met and married Bella and we had our beautiful daughter I had been convinced that I didn't have a soul, that it had been somehow bargained off for immortality and bloodlust when I became what I am now. After the birth of my daughter I began to consider the possibility. Renesmee was, without a doubt, the very essence of all that was good about Bella and me. She was so much a part of both of us… how then could I deny having some semblance of a soul? There must be something. Today more than ever I was convinced, because as I realized the necessity of letting her go I felt like I lost a piece of it. Like some innately good part of me was being pulled away with her. But that is what made the separation worthwhile. She deserved to be happy. She deserved to be safe. Her family was going to see to it that she would be.

Everything was ready, we were set to depart any time, as soon as Renesmee awoke and was ready to travel. Bella, Alice, Jasper, Sam, Emily and I would be accompanying Jacob and Renesmee back to Alaska for a day. Jacob and Nessie would take care of what they had to in order to take time off of school. The rest of us were going to scour the area for any clues the vampire may have left behind. Then we would be saying goodbye and going our separate ways until this puzzle was solved and she was safe, once again.

**RPOV**

_Oooooooohhhhhhh, ugh. _ I thought. _This hurts. My head - why is it so heavy, and __**so **__sore? Ohhhh. My entire body feels like it's been pinned down or weighted with sandbags. _

My mind was black and swimming... like I was surfacing from somewhere deep. I was surrounded by blackness.

I struggled to open my eyes. The blackness felt so familiar somehow. I struggled to make sense of it. I was beginning to panic. Why couldn't I open my eyes? Could I talk... move? I wasn't sure. I decided to try it out.

"Mmmmmmm..." I felt a very faint vibration as a soft moan made its way up through my throat and past my lips. _Ugh, this is going to be harder than I thought_. I was trying to ask for my mom. The last thing I remembered was talking to my mom after getting up this morning. I had to get ready to go to Billy's funeral.

So quickly I wasn't sure it happened, I saw a picture flash before my eyes. I couldn't be sure, but it looked like Jacob and I were I huddled together in front of Billy's grave as we held each other. _Wow, it seemed so real._

I shook off the thought, knowing that I was probably just anxious to get going to the funeral. I decided to try and move my arms. _Why is everything so hard to move? I feel like I'm being held down – _

I gasped as the memories came flooding back to me. The funeral. The reception at Sam and Emily's. Paul – I ran away. I went to Billy's. The vampire! I ran again – I was being chased. The blow to my back. The pain… oh all that pain and blackness_ – _and Jake. He was there. He was holding me. I was on the ground, and couldn't move. And then he held me still as we rolled…

I felt the tears begin to roll down my cheeks as the sobs shook my body. _Jacob. Where is he? Is he safe? Did the vampire come back? Did they fight? What's wrong with me? He was there. He helped me find my way out of the dark. His light and warmth guided me back, but… it's dark again. Where is he? I need Jake!_

I felt warmth in my hand and on my forehead again, followed by flashes of warmth on both of my cheeks, and then a light, but lingering burn on my lips. _Jake._

I heard his voice, low and soft. At first it was just a quiet rumbling in my ears, like a train on distant track, but then it got closer and became clearer. I could make out words.

"…going to be ok. I'm right here baby. Ness, can you open your eyes?" His voice came out strongly and steadily. It sounded like he was ok. I breathed a small sigh of relief through my tears at knowing that. I hated thinking that Jake was hurt.

I felt a bit of warm breath wash over my ear as he leaned in to whisper to me, "Don't even give that a second thought right now baby. I'm fine, but I'll be better when you can open up those beautiful brown eyes of yours. Please baby, try again. Open up your eyes." His plea was low and soft and sweet. He punctuated it with a light kiss under my ear as he squeezed my hand.

I tried to feel the muscles in my face. They all felt tight and heavy. I decided that if I couldn't do anything about the weight on them I would try to loosen them up a bit by wiggling them if I could. I concentrated on my mouth first, because I had been able to make noise earlier. Within seconds I felt my lips part and I drew in a clean, crisp breath. Jacob was so close I could almost taste him in the air. _Mmmmmm, so good. _

That motivated me to try my nose. I worked to wiggle it the tiniest bit, then inhaled a large breath taking in his wonderful and comforting scent of cedar, cut grass and warm sunshine. It was like his warmth resided in every part of him, including his scent. And it woke me further.

Finally I moved on to my eyes. I wanted to see him, to make sure that he was alright.

I tried squeezing them a bit, hoping that when the lids snapped back they would be motivated to separate themselves. I saw a shimmer of light. I tried again. They opened about half way, but I couldn't focus on anything. I flinched a bit as my eyes were flooded from the harsh light. I felt Jacob pull away from me. I huffed, frustrated, and thought about trying to talk again to get him back, but then I heard a light click and felt him move his way back to me.

"I turned off the light. Ness, can you try again? Please. It won't be so bright anymore." He whispered.

The warmth returned to my hand and his scent filled my mind as he returned to sit with me. Inwardly I sighed lightly, feeling frustrated about having to work so hard just to open my eyes.

"You're doing so well Ness, please, just try again," he pleaded. And then he whispered, "I need to know that you're ok. Please. Open your eyes baby."

I couldn't deny him. He was pleading with me, sounding slightly tortured, so I could never refuse him. I would give him anything he wanted if it would take the ache and sadness in his voice away. He had been through so much with me... he suffered and stayed with me.

He saved me. I needed him to be ok too.

And with that, I pushed at the heavy lids again, willing them to open with every ounce of strength I had. And when they did, I was staring straight into the depths of his deep, dark eyes. We were in my grandfather's study, I was in a bed, Jake was with me, and most importantly, he alright.

"Nessie," he whispered and sighed contentedly as he slowly raised his other hand to cup my face. His thumb brushed back and forth over my cheekbone leaving the sweetest trail of warmth behind it wherever he touched.

I leaned in to him, ignoring the dull throb that accompanied the movement. My eyes fluttered shut as I relished the feeling of his warmth and affection.

"Hey," he whispered removing his hand to brush his fingertips lightly over my eyelids. "Don't. I just got you back." He smirked slightly as I reopened my eyes and sighed at him once again.

"Hey," I croaked. My throat was parched and sore. It hurt to speak, and I really could have used something to drink, but there was something I needed to say before I asked for a glass of water. I knew it would probably come out sounding strangled, but I needed to say it none-the-less.

"I love you Jake. Thank you. I couldn't have... I wouldn't have... I," my erratic emotions overrode then, as tears slipped out of my eyes. I was trying to explain that I knew that he had saved me. That there was no way I would have made it out of the darkness without him.

"Oh Ness," he sighed as he leaned in and placed a light kiss on each of my cheeks, kissing away my tears. "Don't cry. I'd do it again, a million times to keep you safe." He leaned back and sighed, closing his eyes. When he opened them again to stare into mine they were full of pain. "It was my fault anyway. I never should have left your side at Sam's. If I had just stayed with you, none of this would have happened."

What? What was he saying? This was all _my_ fault, not his. If I had just stayed to talk with him, or if I had come back here instead of trying to running away... if I had not made him come to Alaska with me. _Then_ none of this would have happened.

I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him that he had it all wrong, but all I could manage was a weak squeak. I snapped it shut in frustration and glanced around to see if there was anything to drink nearby.

"Water, love?" I turned to see my father standing at the door holding a tall glass of water, and my mother was clinging to his side staring at me like she was about to burst with relief. They were at my side in no time, kissing my cheeks and hugging me ever so lightly. I took my water and began drinking fervently from the straw. The cold water was refreshing against my dry, hot throat.

My mother spoke first.

"I'm so glad you're ok. I was so afraid I was going to lose you. If it wasn't for Jake..." She stopped, unable to finish. Her face was contorted in what could only be described as pain. If she would have cried she would have been sobbing. My father turned her to face him gently and pulled her into an embrace while lightly kissing the top of her head. He was looking me straight in the eye, his own face full of pain and even a hint of anger. He didn't have to say anything. I knew how upset he was just by looking at him. My heart lurched a little as I acknowledged the pain I had caused my parents by making such a stupid decision.

But I was surprised at their reactions. They hadn't yelled at me, or questioned me endlessly which I had pretty much expected. They were simply showing me how upset they were, and then giving me time to accept it and respond. This wasn't typical of them. I nodded in acknowledgement of my own stupidity and then wondered why it had taken them so long to come up. Surely my father had heard me wake up earlier. They weren't usually so _patient._

My father chuckled, low and soft, while shaking his head minutely. He looked at the floor as he spoke. "We thought you might like a minute or two alone," he said cautiously sending both Jake and I fleeting glances.

I blinked rapidly, in shock. I busied myself with my water while trying to sort this new, seemingly understanding and sympathetic side of my father out in my head. Where was all of this tolerance coming from?

I didn't get an answer to my question, however, because at that moment my aunts, uncles and grandparents walked in the door.

Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper hung back by the door, while Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme came to my bedside. Grandpa smiled down at me and began checking the dressings on my head wound while grandma leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before telling me she was going to go downstairs and make Jacob and I something to eat. I nodded and thanked her before turning to look over at Aunt Rosalie who was standing on the opposite side of my bed, frowning at mine and Jacob's hands as they lay together, fingers entwined.

"You will never do that to me again Nessie, do you understand?" she asked, her voice full of reproach. My eyes widened at her tone and I gulped thickly before nodding. Oh crap, she is _not_ happy with me.

Uncle Emmett came up behind her and whispered something in her ear that made her face soften from the hard mask it had been in, at the same time as my father began with his own reproach.

"Rose." He said, his voice as hard as steel.

She glanced up at him and rolled her eyes before turning back to me. Her face was significantly more relaxed. She spoke again, but this time her voice was soft and gentle, especially for my aunt Rosalie. She was never particularly gentle.

"You have no idea what it would cost us to lose you. Don't ever put yourself in danger like that again."

I nodded again, and flushed a bit, ashamed by my own actions. My family would have been horrified if I had disappeared. They would probably have scoured the earth to find me and bring me back, even if I didn't deserve to be found. I had been so clouded with remorse and self-disgust that I hadn't thought my decision through. She was right.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as fresh tears flowed down from eyes. Jake rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb as he frowned, no doubt thinking about our unfinished conversation.

"Good to see you awake, squirt." Uncle Emmett said and smiled before tugging at Aunt Rosalie. They made their way out of the room muttering something about packing to Aunt Alice. She just nodded and then pranced her way over to me before half-sitting on the bed. Uncle Jasper walked slowly up behind her. I felt a subtle wave of calm wash over me that allowed me to control my tears and relax. I smiled lightly at him.

"Thanks." I whispered. He simply winked and smirked at me a little before turning his gaze down to Aunt Alice.

"You should have called." She said, raising an eyebrow at me and pouting slightly. I nodded knowing that Aunt Alice probably would have been a great person to talk to before making such a rash decision. She was the most unbiased when it came to my relationship with Jacob.

"I wasn't thinking clearly. I know, I'm sorry." I sighed and bit my lip as I noticed how supportive everyone was acting. I was truly a horrible person for not considering any of this ahead of time. What was I thinking?

Aunt Alice's tiny, tinkling laugh brought me out of my reverie. I stared up at her in confusion as she looked up at Uncle Jasper.

"We'd better go help Emmett and Rosalie. They're going to have yet another argument about what they're going to need in Africa. I think Emmett wants to wrestle with twenty different kinds of beasts while they're there. He'll have to bring down that number quite a bit. I simply don't have enough time to get him all the extra clothes he's going to need for that."

And with that I heard Aunt Rosalie growl from down the hall while shrieking "What on _earth_ do you think you're going to need _that_ for?"

"Awww, come on babe, it'll be fun," Uncle Emmett replied as Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper made their way out of the room.

I turned to face my father in confusion. "Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett are going to Africa?" I asked. That was odd. They hadn't said anything yesterday. Besides what would any vampire want to do in Africa of all places?

My father's eyes tightened and his face turned down in a grimace as he heard my question. My mother turned to me, her face still sad, but her eyes now full of anger and frustration as well.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, turning to glance at Jake who was looking at the floor with a sneer as a low growl resonated in his chest.

I felt a slight sense of dread staring at my parents and Jake while I waited for them to answer. After everything that happened within the last few days was it possible that the worst was _not_ behind us?

Judging by their collective expressions, I guessed it was possible. I waited, feeling slightly ill, for someone to respond.


	22. Resistance

**Let the games begin...**

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. Unfortunately, I own Jake and Nessie's resistance.**

**Chapter 22 – Resistance**

Is our secret safe tonight  
And are we out of sight  
Or will our world come tumbling down?  
Will they find our hiding place  
Is this our last embrace  
Or will the walls start caving in?

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it should have been right  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) To let our hearts ignite  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Are we digging a hole?  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) This is out of control

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) It can never last  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Must erase it fast  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it could have been right  
(It could be wrong, could be...)

Love is our resistance  
They'll keep us apart and they won't to stop breaking us down  
Hold me  
Our lips must always be sealed

If we live a life in fear  
I'll wait a thousand years  
Just to see you smile again

Kill your prayers for love and peace  
You'll wake the thought police  
We can't hide the truth inside

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it should have been right  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) To let our hearts ignite  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Are we digging a hole?

(It could be wrong, could be wrong) This is out of control  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) It can never last  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) Must erase it fast  
(It could be wrong, could be wrong) But it could have been right  
(It could be wrong, could be...)

Love is our resistance  
They'll keep us apart and they won't to stop breaking us down  
Hold me  
Our lips must always be sealed

The night has reached its end  
We can't pretend  
We must run  
We must run  
It's time to run  
Take us away from here  
Protect us from further harm  
Resistance

_Resistance ~ Muse_

**JPOV**

We left for Alaska the day after Nessie woke up. I had to hand it to the doc; he was right about her healing pretty quickly. She was up and walking around only hours after waking. She was sore and obviously tired. She just dragged herself from place to place, but was glad to be moving around. She said she didn't like to be a burden to anyone.

I was worried about her though. She had been so quiet when we told her what was in that box. Any colour she had gained when she woke up had drained from her face. She sat as still as stone, taking it all in with wide eyes. When we were done, we waited for a response. She just blinked and looked back and forth from her parents to me before dropping her gaze to her hands. They were shaking a bit as she stared at them.

I picked them up, wanting to get access to her palm, but she kept her fingers tightly laced. Her hands were gripping each other so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. So I simply placed my hand on top of both of hers and rubbed circles into the back of one of them with my thumb. The shaking stopped after that, but she kept them firmly clasped.

I glanced at Edward, but he merely shook his head at me signaling that now was not a good time to ask what was on her mind.

The one positive reaction we managed to gain was her reaction to our plan to hide her and seek out the creatures responsible for all of this. She sighed with what sounded like relief when Edward told her I was taking her into hiding and looked back up at me through her lashes.

"Thank you." She whispered earnestly.

I smiled and responded by squeezing her still-clasped hands with mine before shaking my head and asking "You didn't expect me to leave you here by yourself did you?" I couldn't help but chuckle at her eye-roll after that. After everything she had been through over the last couple of days she still didn't like the implication that she couldn't take care of herself.

When Carlisle gave us the all clear to set out we said goodbye to the others. Nessie cried, giant silent tears sliding down her face as she said goodbye to her family, not knowing when she would see any of them again. They promised to keep in touch with Edward and Bella whenever they thought it was safe to do so, knowing that Sam and I would be in touch daily and could relay messages. She hugged them all and nodded without words as they told her not worry for them and to keep herself safe and out of sight at all times.

After that, we left for Alaska. Nessie and I rode back with Leah, Seth and Olivia. The entire car was quiet for the whole ride, with the exception of the radio playing softly in the background. I held Nessie in the backseat while she rested and Leah listened to her iPod. Seth was driving, while stealing long sideways glances at Olivia. She spent the entire ride staring out of the window looking like she was about to cry. She was a very sweet girl, perfect for Seth in so many ways. She had been beside herself with guilt and worry when she learned what had happened to Nessie. She kept saying that she should have gone after her, and tried to get her to talk. Seth and I had convinced her that there was no way to catch her, but she still didn't like seeing her new friend hurt so badly. I was grateful to her for caring so much, and was actually really glad that she was coming with us. It would give Nessie someone to talk to, to help keep her mind off of things. Leah was coming with us, but she wasn't always the easiest to get along with. Olivia and Nessie really seemed to hit it off the first few times they hung out in Alaska. It was still hard not to feel a bit guilty for dragging her into this when I looked at her face as she stared out of the window. Seth was going to drop us off at our house to collect our things and then head back to his apartment and Olivia's dorm room before they went to tell her parents that they were leaving for a while. I hadn't asked him what they were going to say, but I was pretty sure that whatever it was wouldn't make her parents happy because they both looked so upset and nervous.

When we arrived at the apartment I asked Seth to get out and help me with a couple of things in the garage while Nessie and Olivia called the school and made appointments for us to meet with the dean about putting our classes on hold, rather than dropping out if we could. Olivia was going to ask about correspondence too, just in case we could finish any of our classes on-line while we were away.

Seth and I made our way into the garage after giving Edward a key to let the others in the house. Seth was so lost in his own world at the moment that he didn't even notice that I wasn't packing anything for two whole minutes, just staring at him. When he finally looked at me I just raised my eyebrows and gave him a look that said 'spill it'.

He sighed and leaned against our shelf of camping equipment while looking at the floor.

"Seth, I know this isn't easy for you and Olivia, because you guys haven't been together all that long, but maybe it'll help if you talk about it. We can't afford any distractions here, so I would rather know what's got you all wound up and help you deal with it, than have you off your game."

"Jake, I…" he trailed off, running his hand through his short dark hair in irritation.

I blinked in surprise. This was _very_ unlike him. Seth was always so laid back and at ease with things. Whatever this was it was big. I decided to give him a minute to sort out his thoughts.

Exactly half a minute later he mumbled something at me, but it was low and with his head turned toward the floor I couldn't make it out.

"What? Seth, what is it man? You've got me a little freaked out here. Is there something wrong with Olivia? Is she not going to come with us?" I realized as I said it that I could actually see that it might be too soon for her to consider it. We were leaving for an undetermined amount of time. It would be very hard on Seth if she wasn't there. Nessie knew Olivia too, and that meant that she was also a possible target. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried that I was right.

Seth wasn't answering.

My brain was working over time trying to figure out a solution to this problem. We needed Seth with us, but he would need to be here if Olivia was. I couldn't imagine leaving Nessie behind if the situation was reversed.

"Seth, if she's not coming, and you need to stay… we need to sit down and figure this out."

His head shot up as he looked at me in surprise. He sighed and then his head fell back so that he was looking at the ceiling before he spoke again.

"No. She's coming, I think. It's just that…" he paused and took a deep breath before muttering the last part. "I asked her to marry me last night and she hasn't answered me yet."

I think my eyes probably jumped halfway out of my head in surprise, so I was glad that Seth was still looking up at the ceiling. Well, that was unexpected. No wonder he was so distracted. He didn't seem to think that her indecision was a good sign, but she hadn't said no. She just hadn't said yes yet. Considering the fact they'd only known each other for a couple of months and they were planning to run away with us tomorrow I had a feeling that this was just too much for Olivia to deal with all at once. Seth sighed again and I had just enough time to control my expression before he brought his head down to look me in the eye for the first time since we had left for Alaska.

"I know what you're thinking," he said, his voice full of anxiety and frustration. "We've only known each other for a few months, and there is already so much going on but… I love her Jake, more than anything. I don't want her or her parents thinking that we're just running off together on a whim. What else are we going to tell them? It's not like I wanted to use this as an excuse though. I meant it. She's all I want or need in the world. I just… it just, _felt_ right. For me at least. I didn't have time to prepare anything elaborate, but I did make a point of being romantic about it. I even asked my mom for my grandmother's ring… and she just said 'I don't know what to say.' I mean, what does that even _mean_, Jake? I want to give her time to think about it, but we have to talk to her parents in less than an hour and I don't even know what to tell them, or if she's mad at me… or if she even wants to come anymore! I… just need to be with her, and I need for her to be happy. I don't know what to do." His voice dropped at the end of his tirade as he shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at an imaginary rock on the floor.

I walked over and patted his shoulder sympathetically, about to give him a pep talk. Maybe if he tabled the proposal for a little while and just focused on whether or not she still wanted to be with him and come with us when we left tomorrow it would make things easier. But before I could get a word in a soft voice spoke from just inside the open garage door.

"I still want to come," Olivia said quietly. She and Nessie were standing at the garage door. Olivia still looked anxious, but oddly, so did Renesmee. I frowned at her a bit, wondering what had gotten her upset in the few minutes she had been inside before turning back to Olivia.

I was surprised to see that she was looking at me though, and not at Seth. I didn't want her to feel obligated to come. She had to know that it was her choice. I would never force her or Seth to come if they didn't want to be there. Leah and I would figure something out, or we could send for Embry or one of the others who were staying at the res to come with us.

"You know you can stay if you want to Olivia. And Seth can stay with you too, if that's what you both want. No one's going to force you into anything here." I reached out and pulled Nessie to me, wrapping my arm around her waist as she walked over. She leaned against me, burying her face in my shoulder, returning my embrace.

Seth walked over to stand in front of her and took her hands while looking at the floor. He towered over her slight frame, taller by more than a foot. He had to stoop a little to reach down and grab her hands. It hurt to see him so strung out like this. He was a great guy, and she was a sweet and caring girl. They both wore their hearts on their sleeves, and right now it was easy to see that both of them were suffering.

"Liv, I'm sorry if I was too… forward. You don't have to answer me if you don't want to. I just want to know if you're ok – if _we're_ ok. We can think of something else to tell your parents. We don't have to tell them anything if you don't want. We can stay, like Jake said. Just, please, tell me that we're ok." He looked at her then, searching her eyes for something.

I couldn't help feeling like we were intruding. If they hadn't been in between us and the door I probably would have led us out to give them some privacy. As it was, I just leaned in and buried my face in Nessie's curls, inhaling her sweet scent and kissing the top of her head. She sighed and settled in to me a bit and I gently squeezed her closer to me in response, careful not to hurt her as she was still a bit sore.

"Seth... I," she blushed a bit while meeting his gaze. "We didn't mean to overhear you talking with Jake. We were just coming out to get you. But, did you mean what you said before... about not doing this because we were running away on a whim?" She gazed up into Seth's eyes as he nodded slowly, his face slowly creeping up into a sad smile.

"I love you, Liv. I would never jump into something as serious as this on a whim. This is it for me. You're it for me. I know it's fast... but trust me when I say I would have done it anyway. This has just given me a good excuse to do it earlier." He brought his hand up to brush her long black hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. She smiled lightly as her ice blue eyes stared up into his.

"Okay," she whispered.

Seth let out a gust of air as his while body relaxed, and he leaned forward, crushing her to him.

"Thank God. You know you can always trust me. As long as you're with me I don't need anything else Liv. We don't even have to talk about the other thing." He tipped her face up with his hand and kissed her softly once on the lips. His brow furrowed as he stared at her and continued.

"We just have to think about what to tell your parents."

Olivia's expression morphed from amused to quite serious and she blushed from collar to roots as she replied.

"I meant yes, Seth... to all of it."

Seth was so still for so long that I was beginning to get worried. When he was finally able to move, his lips parted and stared at her in amazement as he whispered, "Yes?"

She nodded lightly, her gaze never breaking his. Suddenly Seth let out a whoop and scooped her up into a hug, spinning her around, her feet dangling as she gasped in surprise.

"What's all the commotion out here?" Leah asked, tapping her foot impatiently as she stared at Seth and Olivia with a slightly annoyed expression. I knew she was peeved that Seth had been so upset on the ride over, and knowing her, she hated being out of the loop as to what had changed so drastically.

Without taking his eyes off of Olivia, Seth set her down and pulled a ring out of his pocket while Leah gasped in shock.

"Well, it seems you're finally getting the sister you've always wanted Leah." He beamed with pride as he slid the ring on Olivia's waiting finger.

Leah marched over, her expression serious as she glanced between the two of them. Olivia's expression fell as she took in Leah's lack of enthusiasm.

"Leah." Seth said, his voice full of disappointment.

She looked up at him and shook her head as she took Olivia's hand and examined her grandmother's ring, sitting on her third finger sliding and twirling it a bit with a disapproving frown.

She snorted lightly, taking us all by surprise before turning to Seth and saying, "Leave it to you to rush in head first without bothering to give the girl a ring that fits, baby bro. She deserves better than that you know." She winked at Seth and smiled lightly at Olivia as we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Yeah, I know." Seth whispered before punching his sister lightly in the arm. She returned the gesture, not quite as lightly and we all laughed as Seth winced and rubbed his arm dramatically.

"Congratulations," Edward muttered as he rounded the corner with Bella, Alice and Jasper.

Seth thanked him and stepped forward to shake his hand beginning a round of handshakes and pats on the shoulder from the guys and hugs from the girls along with exclamations about how pretty the ring was and how well it suited Olivia, despite being a bit big.

I couldn't help but notice the sad way Edward eyed Nessie as she congratulated Olivia. I took a moment to think about it and realized that it was a bit disheartening to think that the kind of proposal Olivia had just accepted was very different from the kind Renesmee had been delivered.

I caught Edward glancing at me speculatively, no doubt reading where my thoughts had travelled to. He nodded ever so slightly, confirming that he had noticed yet another glaring difference between her life and other girls her age. He grimaced and I shot back the same look, acknowledging that I didn't like it any more than he did. She deserved better than that.

Our silent conversation of sorts was interrupted by Nessie herself as she walked over and let me know that she had called the school and spoken to the Dean himself, explaining that she had a family emergency and that she would need to take some time off. Upon reviewing her record and considering her high marks he agreed to put her classes on hold indefinitely. Olivia had spoken to him directly afterward and had made the same arrangement. They said she spoke to the Dean about Seth and I, and he was willing to do the same for us, but he had to speak to us directly to confirm.

She sighed again and knit her brows when she was done. The anxiety I saw on her face before we got caught up with Olivia and Seth was back. I grabbed her hand and led her out of the garage, into our little house and down the hall to my room. I shut the door behind us and led her to sit on the bed. I held her hands and looked up at her troubled brown eyes as she looked at the floor.

"What's wrong Nessie?"

Her frown deepened and she shifted her gaze from the floor to me.

"I called Amber too. She said she was really disappointed that we wouldn't be coming back. She was telling me all about this amazing guy she met at a party this weekend. She said he's not like any of the other guys on campus, he was visiting his cousin for the weekend or something and she met him at a frat party. She said she was going to miss me." The way she mumbled the last sentence clued me in to her problem. She was just getting around to having some sort of a normal life, with real friends and some semblance of independence. This twisted game someone was playing with her life was ruining that for her. She was, once again, going to be kept from having a normal life and was going to be under constant supervision.

My heart broke for her as I realized that this monster, in addition to putting her in grave danger, had also managed to singlehandedly destroy her hopes and dreams of living with any semblance of normalcy. I was abruptly rigid with anger and frustration. _How dare he?_ _Hadn't she been through enough? Doesn't she deserve to be happy and somewhat __**normal**__ for once?_

Nessie noticed my change in posture and quickly began to explain herself. I think she assumed that I was upset with her about something.

"I'm sorry Jake. It's just that… I'm going to miss her too. She's one of my very first true friends. And when she started talking about the party… I just got to thinking about how she had asked me to go with her. I'm not upset that we missed it for Billy – not at all. It's just that, I wanted to go, you know? I wanted you to come too. I was going to ask you in the cave the other day, before we were… interrupted. You hardly ever get out, let alone go to parties, and I've never been to one either. I guess I just have to accept that there really are a lot of things I won't get to do in life. It's selfish, I know. Don't worry, I'll get over it."

I sat and stared at her for a minute when she was done. Although I didn't like the idea of her going to a frat party, I did understand her desire to experience one. She'd never been to a party without her family before. Of course she wanted to go. And although Amber was a bit of a pain sometimes, she was a good friend to Nessie, right from the beginning. I could definitely see why leaving all of this behind was so upsetting to her.

Well, I thought, she might have had to leave all of this behind, but that didn't mean she couldn't have a life. I promised myself right then and there that I would see to it that she _would_ be able to get out and experience life a bit, even if we were on the run. I was sure Seth, Olivia and Leah would help.

"I won't let it be like that for you Nessie. I promise. We might have to be… inconspicuous about it, but we _will_ get out a bit, meet a few people and have some fun."

She smiled a small smile and for the first time since we told her about what was in that box I saw a little hope in her eyes.

"Thank you," She whispered fervently.

"Anytime," I said with a smile and leaned in to brush my lips against hers. She returned my kiss, gently pulling my lower lip in between hers. The now-familiar, pleasurable heat was emanating from her kiss, coursing through my veins… that slow lava-like burn. I gently pulled her in closer, feeling her long, lean body now flush with mine. I ran my tongue along her lips, tasting the sweetness of her. She parted her lips and her tongue met mine, gently mingling and turning the heat up a couple of notches between us.

I groaned lightly at the sensation, and tensed. _We can't do this now… _I thought.

I sighed and pulled back with a small grimace.

"We'd better go see if the others are ready to go." I said. My voice was a bit husky, so I cleared my throat and raised my eyebrows at her.

Her eyes lit up as she remembered what I was hinting to. Her father and the others were just outside. Edward had been very… _understanding_ about us since Nessie had gotten hurt. I didn't want to push our luck.

Apparently she agreed, because she giggled a bit and then was standing on her feet, pulling me up with her and keeping my hand. She squeezed it lightly and kept it in her firm grip.

When we got outside I was mildly surprised to see Seth, Olivia and Leah saying their goodbyes to the others. Edward glanced in my direction with only the smallest of frowns, before turning to Nessie.

"Sam called. He picked up a fresh scent just off campus when he and Emily were leaving. The car is loaded." His voice dropped a bit, and thickened with anxiety for the next part. "You should go."

Without saying a word Nessie let go of my hand and walked straight into his arms. They held each other wordlessly for an immeasurable moment. Neither one talked but I saw Edward's face crumple and heard his sharp intake of breath when she placed a hand on his neck and he read his daughter's thoughts.

I averted my eyes to give them some privacy and noticed Bella walking in my direction. I turned to pull her into a hug too.

"Take care of each other," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "and don't let anything come between you. As long as you two stick together, you'll be ok." She squeezed a bit before pulling back and planting a swift kiss on my cheek.

"You too Bells. Sam and I will keep in touch as often as we can," I whispered.

It was Bella and Nessie's turn to hug next. Bella whispered softly into her ear as Nessie held her hand, showing her what she was finding hard to put into words.

Edward walked over and extended his icy hand. I held mine hand out to his and shook it before he pulled me to his side and clapped me on the back.

"Take care of my little girl, Jacob," he whispered so low only I could hear. "I meant what I said the other day. She's yours to protect now. As hard as it is to let her go, I trust you implicitly with her. You've always put her first, and for that I am grateful. Go, with our blessing. Love and take care of each other. She needs you now, more than ever."

I met his leveled gaze as I pulled back. His gold eyes were scorching with intensity and sincerity. I stood, shocked, trying to process what he had said. There seemed to be a lot of meaning behind it. _She was mine, to love and protect. He trusted me. I had their blessing…_ It was a lot to process. I shook my head and swallowed back a lump in my throat before I could bring myself to speak.

I returned his sentiments with the same fervor. "I swear on my life, Edward, nothing will happen to her. I promise to keep her safe." He nodded quickly before letting go of my hand and turning to pull Bella to his side as Alice and Jasper quickly said their goodbyes.

Seth, Olivia and Leah were already in the car. I opened the back door for Nessie as she gave her mom one last hug before slipping in, silent tears streaming down her face.

I walked over to the car and climbed in next to Nessie. I reached for her hand as Seth hit the gas. She grasped my hand tightly at the same time as I let out a sharp breath, her thoughts and emotions flowing through her to me freely - sadness, fear, anxiety, worry all mingled into one. She was going to miss them_._ She gazed out of the back window until they were out of sight, then sighed and turned to bury her face in my chest as she cried.

I didn't have any comforting words to offer her, so I just held her and rubbed her back, letting her soak my shirt with her tears. About an hour later she fell asleep, her dreams thankfully void of anything memorable, allowing her to rest. She was still weak as she recovered from her attack. She needed the rest.

I let my mind wander as she slept. I hadn't really taken a lot of time to just sit back and think about everything that was happening. I was outraged when I found out about this sick game of cat and mouse this "would be King" had orchestrated. This dark prince had no idea what kind of hell was waiting to be unleashed on him and his dark, disgusting fantasy when he was found. Nessie wasn't meant to play Queen to his dark King. She was warm and loving, compassionate and bright. She was too good for this Prince of Darkness and his vile games.

But, more importantly, she was not _his_ to have. I squeezed her gently to me, grateful that for the time being, that she was safe and resting in my arms. I felt complete with her when she was with me like this and my desire to keep her there was growing with every passing minute. Just when I thought our connection couldn't get any stronger I found myself wanting to hold her closer, and longer.

I needed her, badly. I ached for her when she wasn't around. The thought of her not being there made my heart feel like it was full of lead. I loved her, and she loved me. _No one_ was going to take her from me. Oh, they could try, but someone wasn't going to walk away from that fight, and I was determined to be the last man standing. I'd fight for her with every ounce of my being, because without her, I was nothing. I closed my eyes and leaned my head down on hers just enjoying the chance to hold her as the scenery flew by.

Five hours later we pulled off the road. Seth pulled the car into a small clearing in the woods. Everyone gathered their things, getting ready to pile out. We were going to rough it for a while, hiking through the forest, all the way down to the Canadian border. We would cross there and pick up a car, find a hotel and plan our next stop.

I kissed the top of Nessie's forehead and shook her a bit to wake her. She jumped lightly and gasped. Considering everything that was going on I couldn't really blame her for being jumpy.

"It's ok Ness. We've stopped. We're going to go on foot from here." She sat up and nodded, mumbling an apology for getting startled. I rolled my eyes chuckled at her before starting to climb out. I hadn't realized that Seth and Olivia were unpacking the car at the speed of lightning until my door suddenly swung open and I was hit with the scent.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. Nessie and I bolted out of the car and grabbed whatever we could carry. We tossed our camping backpacks on and I took the tent too. Seth grabbed Olivia and scooped her up into his arms just as Leah emerged from behind the trees in wolf form. I nodded at them and turned to the forest in the opposite direction of the scent. And then we ran, our feet moving and tumbling over the land as swiftly as they could take us, away from the vampire with determination and resisting the urge to slow or look back.


	23. Beside You

**Hello and thanks to all of you who are reading my little fic here on this site! I'm sorry about not getting to respond to some of your reviews. It seems as though my e-mail provider blocked some of them as spam! I just happened to check review numbers earlier today and realized I had more of them than I had seen in my inbox. So, if I have not responded to you, please accept my sincere apologies. I think I have corrected the problem now, so don't be afraid to pop in and say hi, or tell me what you thought of the chapter.**

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's reassurance in this chapter.**

**Chapter 23 –Beside You**

When your tears are spent on your last pretence

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence

When it's in your spine, like you've walked for miles

And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath

And the space between the things you know is blurring none the less

When you try to speak but you make no sound

And the words you want are out of reach but they've been so loud

And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you

I will sing, nobody will break you!

Trust me, trust me, don't pull away!

Just trust me, trust me 'cause I'm just trying to keep it together

'Cause I could do worse and you could do better

When your tears are spent on your last pretence

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence

And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you

And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you

_**Beside You ~ Mariana's Trench**_

**JPOV**

"Hey, how was the run?" Leah asked as she checked my surroundings to see where I was.

"Long, but clear" I muttered. My feet dragged a bit as I headed to the spot where I had left my clothes. I hoped that they were in better condition than the last time I went out. I was on my last t-shirt and only had a one pair of jeans and one pair of shorts left. The forest around this part of British Columbia was filled with wildlife this time of year. Two pairs of pants and three shirts had actually gone missing from where I'd left them and I found one pair of jeans shredded in bits and pieces, scattered around the forest floor for almost a mile in each direction. Seth and Leah hadn't had any better luck. We'd all had to send one another back to the motel for clothes a couple of different times.

Leah snorted. "Don't worry Jake, I left mine in the same spot. Unless something happened in the past minute or so you're good."

"Thanks," I mumbled. It wouldn't be a problem if we could shop, but we'd been hiding out here for a week and yesterday and today were the only two days where we hadn't caught a scent. The scent around us for the past few days was new, but it was impossible to know whether the vampire it was from was associated with the PoD (my new nickname for that disgusting leech, the Prince of Darkness), but we weren't going to take any chances. We talked about it last night and everyone agreed that if the coast was clear over night tonight we would leave as soon as the sun rose in the morning.

When we left the car it was early evening, so the leech was able to follow us all night under the cover of darkness. We didn't relax or stop running until the sun began to rise. When it did, we headed straight for open road hoping the threat of exposure to humans in the sunlight would be enough to keep the leech pursuing us at bay. It seemed to work. We hadn't smelled or heard anything suspicious for two whole hours by the time we reached the town. We walked quickly to the first motel we found and checked in. Seth, Leah and I have been alternating on runs around the area ever since then. The town was small and surrounded by forest, so we could easily run, day or night, under the cover of the trees without being seen.

I felt drained and slowed down to a jog on the last mile back to my things. I needed to get something better than fifth rate motel room service to eat soon. I couldn't keep my stamina up long enough on that stuff. I was exhausted, but I knew that it wasn't all about the lack of good food. I had gone out on our surveillance run the night before, and stayed out all night and all day, so that Leah could relieve me and run the night shift. Seth needed to rest if he was going to be carrying Olivia tomorrow. We were going to rent a car to take us part of the way, but then decided we'd better be safe and leave it somewhere that people wouldn't notice us abandoning it. We didn't want to risk checking it in to another rental facility and giving our location away either. Seth would have to carry her from there until we could get to the train station. From what we could tell on the maps it was about a 30 mile hike from where we planned to drop the car.

I slowed to a walk as I approached the spot where I was going to phase, thinking about food and sleep. It was approaching midnight, so everyone should have gone to sleep by now, but something told me that wouldn't be the case. I had been running night shifts most days, and when I got home Nessie always seemed so tired. I asked Seth about it once when he came to relieve me, but what he said wasn't encouraging. He said she was always the last one to fall asleep and the first one to wake up. But what he couldn't tell me was whether or not she was actually sleeping. Olivia said she had seen her up and staring out of the window a couple of times at night, but she's seen her lying in bed too. Whatever she was doing at night, it didn't seem like she was getting much sleep.

"She's up," Leah said quietly. I frowned inwardly. She had been so quiet since we got here, only speaking when spoken to and then only offering what was necessary to the conversation. I was worried about her. She was pretty upset when we left her family behind in Alaska, not that I can blame her. I had been trying to give her some space, to let her think. The couple of times I had tried to talk to her about what was bothering her she just shook her head, said she was fine and then looked away without another word.

"She doesn't look too good today Jake. I wasn't going to say anything to you, because I wanted you to get some sleep tonight. But she's looking a bit... rough." As she spoke Nessie's face flashed up in Leah's thoughts. I cringed a bit at the look of her. Her face was drawn into a small frown, she had large purple circles under her eyes and she was lying on the bed in the middle of the afternoon.

"She hasn't gotten up today. I think maybe if you were there, she might have – for you. We all tried to get her out at one point today. She just shook her head and said she was tired. But she didn't sleep. She sat and stared at the TV, without really paying attention to it."

"What? She hasn't gotten up _at all_ today?" I was surprised and very concerned to say the least. That wasn't good. Something was definitely wrong. Nessie was never the type to sit around all day and lay in bed.

"Nope," said Leah with a sigh. "I even tried to get Olivia to convince her to help us paint our nails, and she just shook her head at me." She talked about nail painting like she was asked to eat worms. I chuckled at her tone. Leah's never been much of one for the really girly stuff, so it made me feel even more grateful to her for the effort.

"Thanks Leah, I'll see what I can do when I get back."

"Try to get some sleep too Jake. I can't run all night and then cover for your tired butt tomorrow if you stay up all night talking." she mocked, with a small chuckle.

"Got it," I said with a chuckle of my own. "Howl if you need anything."

"Sure thing - chief."

I rolled my eyes. "Can it with the chief stuff Leah."

'Whatever you say... boss."

I huffed. "I'm outta here." I said and phased back to human form just as I reached my pile of still waiting and well in-tact clothes.

I pulled on my jeans, black t-shirt and sneakers, tucking Leah's stuff further down under the log where mine were to protect them, and began the short jog back to the motel. When I reached our double room I found Seth with his arms wrapped around Olivia fast asleep on their bed. I snorted lightly at the sight of Olivia in Nessie's pajamas. They were so long on her that she had to roll up the sleeves and the pant legs. She was so petite she even had to roll the waist a bit to keep them from falling down. She didn't have any other choice though. We didn't have time to stop at her dorm or her parent's house before we left. All she had were the few things she had brought with her to La Push. I glanced up and noticed her pajamas hanging from the shower curtain rod in the washroom. She must have washed them and hung them to dry over night.

I sighed and looked around the rest of the room. The air mattress was empty save for a blanket and a pillow that were practically begging me to make use of them. On the other bed Nessie was lying down with her back to me, facing the TV. She hadn't moved when I came in so I assumed she had fallen asleep. I walked lightly over to the TV and searched for the remote to turn it off. Then I realized she would probably have it with her in bed, so I spun to look for it near her hands and gasped when I took in her pale form on the bed. She was awake, staring at me with an empty expression, holding out the remote for me to take.

"Sorry," she said, her voice as expressionless as her face, "you can turn it off. I wasn't really watching it anyway."

I froze, stunned by how much worse she had gotten in the past sixteen hours or so since I had last seen her. Leah was right – she was in rough shape.

I crossed the few steps to her and sat down on the bed next to her. She looked up at me briefly before turning away to stare at the TV again. I wasn't having that. I needed to get her to talk to me. Something was eating away at her and it was killing me to watch it.

"Hey," I said softly, grabbing her chin lightly between my fingers and turning her face to look at mine again, "talk to me?" I asked, begging with my eyes.

She sighed lightly and then rolled to look over at Seth and Olivia. "Jake, it's late." She murmured. "They need their sleep, and so do you. I don't want to wake them. Really, it's ok, go to bed."

Each word she said came out empty and void of any kind of inflection or emotion.

I shook my head in frustration. She thought I could see and listen to her like this and then just go to bed. _Unh, unh. Nope... not happening_. We were going to talk this out – now.

I rose from the bed and extended a hand to her. She eyed it warily before looking up at me and grasping it. I pulled her up to stand next to me and motioned with my head toward the door.

She looked down at her yoga pants and tank top and shot me a mildly incredulous look to which I rolled my eyes and began pulling her toward the door myself. She paused at the door to slip on her shoes just before I tugged her out into the moonlight. It was probably cold outside to the average human, but it was late and there was no one around to notice us at this hour in the sleepy town of Hudson's Hope. The air was crisp and clear and there was plenty of light from the full moon overhead.

"Let's go for a walk," I said and tugged her off toward the large river that ran on the out skirts of town. When we got to the river, we walked for a while, just holding hands in silence. A mile or so up the banks I saw a large tree with very low hanging branches that we could sit next to and be almost completely obscured by. I walked over to it and sat on the grass next to the tree. I glanced around, seeing only river and forest, and was satisfied knowing that we had privacy so she wouldn't have to worry about being seen. She walked over to me and sat down in front of me with her legs crossed. She was backlit by the moon with the river and surrounding forest behind her. Her beautiful copper hair seemed to glow in the moonlight, and surrounded her pale, smooth skin like a halo in the night. She was ethereal, beautiful… except that her expression was flat and empty, almost void of life.

I pulled her hands into my lap, rubbing the back of them with my thumbs. The warmth and electricity flowed through us and I hoped it was as calming and reassuring to her as it was to me. We stayed like that for the better part of an hour, just sitting together. Part of me was relieved that she didn't pull away but I was beginning to get nervous. She still hadn't said anything. So I gently pulled my hands away from hers. I brushed a small clump of copper curls that had floated near her face in the slight breeze behind her ear and looked straight into her achingly impassive brown eyes.

"Ness, please, tell me what's wrong." Although she did seem more relaxed after being in my presence, the emptiness was still there. And I didn't like it one bit.

She opened her mouth to speak, but at the same time her eyes flashed with such intense emotion that she seemed to freeze. She sat like that for a minute, unwilling or unable to force the sounds out until she simply looked down at her now empty hands sitting in her lap and shook her head minutely. Her shoulders slumped forward a bit. I realized as I saw her do it that this posture was a familiar one. She had been doing that for a couple of days now... ever since we got here, really, now that I think about it. As I noticed this, I began to look at her... _really look_ and see how totally she had changed since our afternoon in the cave not even two weeks ago. I felt my stomach drop as I made the comparison, horrified at myself for not seeing this sooner. I hated myself more with each observation. She needed me, badly, and I hadn't been there. I had been so focused on keeping her safe, running patrols and keeping an eye out for any sign of danger, that I'd missed _this_. She deserved so much better. I cursed myself deeply as the evidence mounted.

That morning and afternoon of our first official date, she had been happy and walked or ran with sure steps. I wouldn't have called her confident, since she had been so conflicted about the changes that were happening and how to handle them, but she was sure of herself for the time being. She had smiled and laughed, radiantly warming her face with emotion - things I hadn't seen her do since. She was light-hearted and sweet and just seemed so at ease with being able to explore and experience life... she was _free_.

My jaw tensed as I shook my head thinking about the sharp contrast between then and now... and the reasons for it. She had either been in pain, been sad or, more recently, seemingly emotionless every minute of every day since the afternoon we got word of Billy's death. Last week she had been happy, independent, and... falling in love. Within one short week she lost Billy, helped me to shoulder my grief, dealt with Paul, was chased and attacked and almost _died..._

I paused and sucked in a deep breath as the memories of that day flooded my mind as clear as if they had happened only moments ago. My fists clenched, along with my heart, so hard it almost knocked the breath out of me. It was the single most horrifying day of my life... and it had to have been even worse for her.

All of that combined in such a short period of time would have been enough to kill most people. But she had made it. She came back to me, fighting tooth and nail, crawling through the pain the whole way. She was one of the strongest people I knew. And if that wasn't enough, the worst was yet to come. We discovered the reason for my father's murder and her attack was that some obsessed, sociopathic, _flea_ of a vampire was trying to get to her... to take her... to seduce her and make her _his._ Now she was in the vampire and werewolf version of the witness protection program, ripped away from her family as they scoured the globe trying to find the parasite responsible for this. Her hopes and dreams of having any semblance of a normal life had been whisked away, taken from just within her grasp.

She wasn't eating enough, wasn't sleeping, she wasn't crying... wasn't doing anything really, beyond merely existing. She was hiding it well, complaining of pain from her injuries and being tired, which I'm pretty sure she was, but she wasn't sleeping. I looked at her now and saw her for what felt like the first time in days. I took in her hunched form in front of me and noticed that her entire physical and emotional being seemed to have been somehow _deflated _by everything that had happened. It seemed as though her spine had weakened, both literally and figuratively, in a way that gave me an indication of what she truly felt about all of this – she was defeated, broken and so upset I'd almost guess that a doctor would diagnose her as being depressed.

Even so, as I looked at her long, slender frame, her skin and hair almost glowing in the light of the clear, full moon – she was beautiful. Like a gorgeous fallen angel. Her whole world was turned upside down as she had been harshly and unceremoniously tossed from the light of the clouds, down into this dark and dangerous game of Russian Roulette with her life and the lives of those she cares about.

Without consciously making a decision to, I flew at her, drawn to her by the need to help her and just - _fix some of this_. I grabbed her into my arms, sitting her in my lap and placing her head high on my shoulder as I held her. I pressed her into me, and we began to radiate our heat. I tried to envelope her in it like a blanket, something to comfort and soothe. I straightened her back and rubbed circles up and down her spine and into her shoulders as I kissed her hair and whispered to her softly.

"I'm sorry Ness. So sorry I haven't been here. Sorry you needed me and I missed it. Sorry that you had any reason to need me in the first place. It's not supposed to be like this for you. If you're thinking that it's not fair, you're right, it isn't. You have no idea how much it hurts to see you go through all of this – deserving none of it. I promise I _will _keep you safe. I love you. I'm here. Please, talk to me Ness. Let me hold you, help you. I'll do anything... just please don't shut me out. I'm right here beside you, and I'll stay here for as long as you need me. You don't have to do this alone."

When I finished she was still - alarmingly still - for more than a minute. I barely felt her body pull in breath. Then, slowly, she leaned her head back to look up into my face and as my eyes caught hers I realized she had finally let down her mask of indifference, _and behind it she was in a sea of despair_. I choked on my own breath, my throat muscles tightening as sudden tears threatened to roll out of my eyes. I blinked them back, angry at myself for letting her see my pain. She had enough of her own right now, she did not need to deal with mine.

I knew now, why she didn't answer my question before. Her eyes said it all. _How do you put something like this into words? How do you tell someone you're in pain if it doesn't let you catch your breath long enough to speak? You don't, you can't. _

I couldn't bear to look at her pain anymore, so I did the one thing that I knew would bring her pleasure, and if my hunch was correct, would help her feel _whole_, just like it did for me.

I leaned forward and with the lightest pressure, kissed her eyelids just as they fluttered closed. Her lashes tickled my lips. And then we sparked with flashes of warmth, like tiny shocks of heated electric current running through my entire body, ending up in my heart... just as I hoped it would for her. I lifted my head and ghosted my lips over forehead, silently wishing away any of her bad memories for the next little while so she could just _be_.

I ran my hands up her back to her scalp and rubbed every inch of it tenderly, taking extra care to go slowly and lightly any time I was near her almost healed injury. As I did this my mouth ran lightly over every inch of creamy skin on her face, occasionally planting small, light kisses, willing her muscles to relax so she could speak, eat and breathe. Her breathing picked up, and for the first time in _so_ long, she seemed to be aware of something other than the sadness and pain. Her lips parted as I kissed her jaw until it relaxed, finally allowing her to take in full breaths. As tempting as it was to kiss her peachy pink parted lips, I skipped them in favour of allowing her to breathe well and opted to move down to her neck instead.

She was shorter than me, so I was at a disadvantage trying to reach her neck, not wanting to pull her head back far enough to make her uncomfortable, so I leaned into her and slowly lowered us to the ground. I lay by her side as she lay flat, my right side in complete contact with her body from her head to her toes, maintaining the blanket of warmth the best way I could without putting my weight on her. She lay motionless, her hands fisted, one onto my chest, the other on my ribs. I started at her jaw, kissing with a tiny bit more pressure, moving slowly, making sure I covered every inch from there down to her collarbones and back with each pass.

As I kissed her, my right arm left her hair and trailed down to her shoulder. I ran my fingers and palm lightly over her arm to her bent elbow, then down her side to her waist and to her hip, before making my way back up again. With each pass of my lips and hand I felt her relax minutely. Her muscles slowly unclenching themselves as her mind forgot to feel anything but the warmth for a while.

As I made my final pass back up her neck I kissed a bit higher, just under her ear and then whispered "I'm here. I love you," into her ear before kissing my way back over her cheek and finally making it to her lips. When I did, I barely brushed mine over hers. She sighed, so softly I could barely hear it, but I felt it. It brought her some small measure of relief and relaxation too, I could feel it.

As I pressed my lips to hers she murmured lightly, once again barely making a sound, but releasing one single solitary word to let me know that she was responding as I had hoped she would.

"Jake."

I kissed her mouth then, slowly, my lips forming to hers, capturing them, tasting them. Her whole body quivered as I brought my tongue out and ran it slowly across her bottom lip, then back over her top one, kissing and capturing her lips in small tugs and bits of pressure the whole time.

Her left hand slowly relaxed and her fingers uncurled from her fist. She slowly reached over to grab the hand that was still ghosting its way up and down her side and twined her fingers around mine.

I slowed my kiss then, and after pecking her lips tenderly once... twice... three times, I pulled her into my side. She rested her head against my shoulder and kept both hands at my chest. With a finger I traced patterns on her arm.

After about 5 minutes of lying with her like this, silently and completely still except for the movement of my hand I realized that finally, _finally_ she had fallen asleep.

Being careful not to wake her I got to my feet, easily picking her small frame up into my arms. I turned toward the motel and began the journey back to our room. When we got there I opened the door and shut it silently behind us, hoping not to wake Seth or Olivia. I walked over to the bed and placed her down on it so she could get her rest. As I pulled away slightly I realized I couldn't go very far because she was hanging on to my shirt. I tried to free myself but couldn't. Her eyes slowly opened and she looked into mine.

"Please," she said softly "I need you." I gazed back at her seeing all of the need she spoke of reflected in her eyes. I barely thought about anything other than helping her sleep and relax as I made my decision. She was pleading with me to stay because she needed me, and I wasn't going anywhere. I'd stay by her side all night if that's what she needed.

I slowly lowered myself to the bed as she turned to face away from me. I pulled her back to me and made sure her entire body was flush with mine. Finally, I draped my arm over her waist and held her close as we both fell into a hard and dreamless sleep.


	24. Inadvertent Revelations

**Hello all! We're back with another one. Things start to heat up here, on multiple fronts.**

**Soooo, confession time! I've been a bit lazy updating on this site, because I'm writing this and a companion fic for this one about Seth and Olivia. I'm going to try my best to post quickly from here on in, until I catch up with what I've got posted on Twilighted. It's quite a bit farther ahead over there for now. I'll let you know in a future author's note when we've caught up to that site.**

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the heat in this chapter.**

**Chapter 24 – Inadvertent Revelations**

Ah, ah ah

You're so good to me baby, baby

I wanna lock you up in my closet, when no one's around

I wanna put your hand in my pocket, because you're allowed

I wanna drive you into the corner, and kiss you without a sound

I wanna stay like this forever, I'll say it out loud

Now you're in, you can't get out

_**(Chorus)**_

_You make me so hot,_

_You make me wanna drop_

_It's so ridiculous,_

_I can barely stop_

_I can hardly breathe_

_You make me wanna scream_

_You're so fabulous,_

_You're so good to me baby, baby_

_You're so good to me baby, baby_

I can make you feel all better, just take it in

And I can show you all the places, you've never been

And I can make you say everything, that you've never said

And I will let you do anything, again and again

Now you're in, and you can't get out

_**(Chorus)**_

Kiss me gently

Always I know

Hold me, love me

Don't ever go

Oooo, yeah!

_**(Chorus x2)**_

You're so good.

_**Avril Lavigne ~ Hot**_

**RPOV**

I clawed at the walls furiously, feeling nothing but cold, hard cement. My fingers raked quickly over every surface they met, trying desperately to find purchase on something – anything. The walls of the room were ridiculously smooth. It was as though they had been poured into a mould, and the room was constructed seamlessly. I retraced my frantic steps and counted again in my head. One wall, two walls, three walls and then this one, the fourth. I was halfway through this wall and had still found nothing between the floor and the low ceiling to indicate an entrance or exit. The only structure of any kind was a small air vent in the centre of the ceiling, about the size of my fist. It must have been connected to some kind of pipe because there wasn't a morsel of light… anywhere. It was pitch black, so dark that I could barely make out the edges of the space I woke up in. I could usually see very well in the dark with just the slightest bit of light to help. My night vision was not as good as full vampires, but much better than human vision. There was so little light in here that even my hybrid sense of vision had very little to offer in the way of help. There were no sounds either. It was like complete sensory deprivation. I could see almost nothing, hear nothing and smell nothing other than the cement walls, floor and ceiling. I ran through a million scenarios in my mind as I traced the final half of the wall. Was this a box? Some kind of holding container, or…? _Oh God,_ I prayed, _don't let this be some kind of burial site!_

As I reached the end of the fourth wall I felt the panic begin to rise within me. I sank to the floor and curled up into a small ball. There was no way out. Absolutely none. I was trapped. My breathing began to quicken as the panic set in, seeping through my flesh and into my bones. My hands shook and a tear slid down my cheek.

But before I could process anything beyond my newfound horror I heard heavy cement shift from above. I glanced up and made a move toward the sound but stopped when I heard a sickening thud and a small moan from the centre of the room. And then I smelt it – _blood, and there was a lot of it._

My shaking turned into convulsions as my throat began to burn and constrict with desire. I hadn't eaten in days… and I had just been confined to a small, escapeless space with a bleeding body! My subconscious screamed at me, _You can't do this!_

I felt my scream bubble up and reverberate through my chest before I heard it…

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

I heard another thud and I jolted, sitting bolt upright, covered in sweat, still shaking and screaming. The next thing I knew I was being wrapped up in strong arms from behind and I felt heat radiate through me with the contact.

Jake.

"Nessie! What's wrong? Are you ok? I'm here." He held my still shaking body close to his, stroking my hair quickly with panicked fingers. His face was next to mine and his breathing was rapid and shallow, indicating his own sense of panic.

I took a minute to take in my surroundings. I saw a TV, an air mattress, the open bathroom door and a pair of pajamas draped over the shower curtain bar.

I sighed in relief and then began to sob grateful tears. The motel. I was at the motel. It was just a dream.

I felt my body quiver a bit as he shook me slightly. "Nessie, please, tell me what's wrong? Are you in pain? Did something happen? Please just-"

"No," I managed to squeak out through my sobs, "It was another nightmare. I was in a room… no a box, a big cement box. There was no way out, no light, no sound, just… nothing. And then I heard a sound followed by a thud...and a moan." I shuddered, thinking of my reaction to what happened next. "And there was blood, a lot of blood. I was locked in a huge box cut off from every other sense but smell and touch with a broken and bleeding body! And I couldn't, I just couldn't…! And then I screamed."

My sobs took over then as I relived the nightmare through retelling it to Jake. I would never hurt anyone. I couldn't. I couldn't look at another human as a _meal_. It was repulsive… even more so considering I was half-human. And yet it was so tempting. Human blood appealed to me almost as strongly as it did to regular vampires. But I would never hurt a soul to feed my desire for blood. Never. And that specific scenario seemed to be specifically designed to make sure that I would. I was disgusted with myself for my reaction, feeling like a monster for the strong urge I had in my dream to just do it.

Jacob shushed me over and over and began rocking me back and forth slightly. Eventually I calmed down, my breathing slowed and my sobs retreated until I was crying solitary tears every now and again.

I pulled back and turned to look at him, only to see his pained and concerned face staring right back at me. My heart sank a little bit to know that I had once again caused him pain and stress. Would the drama never end? Why couldn't I just be _normal_ for once?

"I'm sorry Jake." I whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that the nightmares seem so _real_."

He shook his head slightly and leaned in to kiss my forehead lightly. I sighed at the tiny, pleasurable spark of heat where kissed me. "No, don't be sorry. If you're having nightmares I want to know about it. Is that why you haven't been sleeping lately?"

I wrung my fingers a bit and fidgeted with them in my lap. I thought I had hidden that pretty well from him. He was usually gone overnight. I made a point of lying in bed even though I couldn't sleep. Every time I had fallen asleep over the last week I'd had a nightmare. So I stopped trying after a couple of days. The nightmares were awful. I guess he'd seen right through my efforts. But I had fallen asleep so peacefully with _him _by the river last night. The only thing I was aware of in my state of unconsciousness was his warmth and the safety I felt in his arms.

"Yes," I whispered, admitting to my lack of sleep, "but then I felt so warm and safe last night with you, I knew I could sleep. And when you brought me back here and tried to leave me I… I just knew I wouldn't be able to do it without you. I guess it worked, up until this morning. Thank you for staying with me Jake."

I leaned up and kissed him softly on the cheek.

"Anytime, anything," he said softly. His brows furrowed a bit and he shook his head slightly before continuing. "I was with you until about ten minutes before you started screaming. Leah came back from her run and the coast is clear, so Seth, Olivia and I got up to get organized to leave today. You were sleeping peacefully when we left you. I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry I left baby. I would have stayed if I had known."

He stopped and squeezed me to him before placing another light kiss on my forehead. He sighed and pulled back to look me in the eyes again. I could see a bit of apprehension in his eyes and I wondered what was making him uneasy.

"Ness, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if it makes you feel scared or uncomfortable."

I nodded, ready to answer any question even if it did make me scared or uncomfortable. He was here, I was safe. I'd tell him whatever he wanted to know.

"You said you had nightmares, as in more than one. Are they all the same? Are they all about being trapped and... and blood?"

He stared at me with genuine concern and I could tell my admission about the nightmares had truly bothered him. I frowned wondering if he thought less of me and my admission about my vampire instincts. Who wouldn't? It was horrible, truly deplorable of me to desire human blood at all. It was almost cannibalistic. I shuddered and closed my eyes, grateful for the response I could offer him.

"No."

He let out a small sigh in what I guessed was relief.

I grimaced, remembering the rest of my nightmares, before telling him about them. Besides the lack of blood, they weren't much better.

"The other nightmares are all the same. I'm being pulled or carted around, but I can't move my body or speak. My eyes are always shut and I can't open them. I'm always alone but I can hear people mumbling and feel the air rushing around me. It's terrifying because I don't know where I'm going or who I'm with. And I can't do anything but go along for the ride. I'm trapped. Every time it feels as though I'm actually there. Like it's really happening. So I guess it's the same as the last one in that they're so real and I'm always trapped, but… this last one was _horrifying._ Jake I would never – I could never. I…"

I trailed off and hung my head, frustrated and desperate to convey that I wasn't a monster, that no matter how hungry or, rather, _thirsty_ I was I would never harm a human. Ever.

He tipped my head back with a finger and looked into my eyes with a steady gaze. "I know you wouldn't. You're much too compassionate to hurt anyone. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm sorry you've been so scared. I'll help you any way I can. If you need me, all you have to do is ask, and I'll be there. I promise."

"Okay," I sniffed and leaned in to give him a hug. He pulled me to him, so that I was sitting in his lap. I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes as I leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was slow and gentle, and just long enough to develop a slow and steady burn between us leaving us both breathing a bit harder as he pulled away from me.

I whimpered a bit as he pulled back. My heart and body were protesting – loudly. I felt so connected to him when we kissed, or touched that my entire being began to hum. After being with him last night and kissing him just now, it was like pulling the plug on the hum when he pulled away. Everything instantly cooled and stilled and felt... wrong. The contrast was severe.

I noticed his slight frown as he pulled away from me. His eyes were closed as we leaned against one another's foreheads trying to catch our breath. It didn't seem as though he was any happier about separating than I was. But he did, and I assumed it was because he was trying to be a gentleman. We were alone in a motel room, and I was extremely emotional, and maybe even a little vulnerable. At least, that was probably how he saw it. But I didn't. I knew my emotions were all over the map, but so many of them had been negative lately, and being with Jake was the one thing that felt good. It felt right. I wasn't unsure or uncomfortable about anything with him. I just loved him and needed him. And he had taken such good care of me. I stared at this beautiful and loving man who had done everything he could to make me happy for as long as I could remember, and began to love him a little more, if that was even possible. He was always so good to me. He deserved to feel good too.

I stared at his pouty lips and decided I would do my best to help him do just that.

"Jake," I whispered, and waited until he opened his eyes to look at me. His eyes widened a bit as he took in my own heated stare.

"Ness, I – maybe this isn't the best time to..."

I cut him off by placing my pointer finger on his lips. I shook my head, not breaking my stare, and ran my finger from his lips, down to his chin, over his jaw to his neck. Slowly, I placed each finger of my hand on his neck before lowering my palm and showing him how I was feeling. My eyes remained on his as his lids closed and he took it all in. I started with the heat and the hum, to which he smiled a bit and nodded his head slightly, confirming that I hadn't been the only one to feel it.

I moved on to the way it felt when he pulled away, how empty and still everything was without him. He swallowed thickly and nodded again, one quick short nod confirming that too.

My hand shook slightly as I showed him the next part, suddenly nervous that he wouldn't feel the same way, or want what I want. I didn't want to continue if he was truly ready to stop. But I hoped he wasn't, because I wanted and needed him so badly at that moment. The only question left in my mind was – did he want me too?

It felt like a lifetime passed as I waited for his reaction. He was so still for so long that I began to get worried. My heart sank as I pulled my hand back, not wanting to let him know how disappointed I was. My eyes dropped to my lap where both of my hands now sat, fidgeting a bit. I pulled in a breath, working as hard as I could to keep it even… and then I knew that I needed to get out of there. My eyes had welled up with tears. I didn't want him to see that. He was trying to do what was best for me, or for us, and part of me knew that. But it hurt so badly to have him turn me away. I needed to calm down.

I shifted, unfolding my legs to place them on the floor.

I felt a hand grip my wrist just I began to slide off of his lap. I sucked in a deep and somewhat ragged breath and felt my skin heat as I blushed. I couldn't turn to look at him like this. He would know how upset I was, and I didn't want him to see it. It would only hurt him, and I didn't want him to hurt.

I felt him brush my hair to the side with a finger, leaving my heated and blushing face and neck completely exposed to him. My head fell forward a bit, knowing that he would see my blush. I was embarrassed enough that I flushed again, and the blush deepened.

"Ness," he said, his voice deep and rough, "look at me."

I shook my head and closed my eyes as I bit back my tears. I couldn't do it. I would cry, and he would hurt.

"No."

I felt two strong hands grip my waist and pull me back so that I was sitting in his lap once again. He used a finger to tip my chin up and turn my face in the direction of his. I held my breath and did the best I could to force myself to be calm. When I felt like I could open my eyes and keep the tears at bay I let out the breath I had been holding and lifted my lids.

What I saw in his eyes stopped me short of my embarrassment and feelings of rejection. His expression was warm, and his eyes were filled with caution and something else that I had never seen from him in this sort of intensity – heat. He wasn't rejecting me. He wanted me too. I could feel it, and see it. My heart leapt in my chest and I gasped slightly at the intensity of his stare.

"Ness," he said, cupping my face in his hand, "I love you. I need you, and… I want you too."

My breathing picked up a bit as I flushed again at his admission. It was one thing to see it in his eyes and feel it in his grasp as held me to him, but it was another thing entirely to hear him say it out loud, so clearly and with so much sincerity.

I nodded and leaned my face into his hand as I closed my eyes, just taking a minute to enjoy the fact that he confirmed our feelings were mutual. It was such a relief to know that I wasn't the only one.

"I think we should take things slowly, just like we talked about in the cave a couple of weeks ago," he said slowly, almost cautiously. "I just want to know that you're comfortable and really _ready_ for anything that might happen. I need you to talk to me, show me or tell me what you're thinking at all times. And I promise I'll do the same. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me that whatever it is you're thinking or feeling you'll share it with me? I always want you to feel comfortable saying yes or no to anything. Promise me you will."

I smiled lightly and opened my eyes to meet his as I nodded.

"I promise Jake. I'll always tell you or show you what I'm thinking or feeling. And right now, I love you so much it almost hurts." I whispered.

He leaned in so that our foreheads were touching and nodded.

"Me too," he whispered and then lowered his lips to meet mine.

He brushed our lips together so lightly I could barely feel it, except for the scorching heat emanating from him to me and back again. His hand slipped around the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair and fisting it in his hand, pulling me to him.

His lips parted and captured my bottom one, pulling it into his mouth. I sighed and reciprocated, molding my upper lip over his.

And then the world disappeared. In that moment it was only Jake and I, and I wanted to hold him there forever.

I snaked my arms around his waist and pulled myself to him. The flames ignited over my fingers, hands, wrists and all the way up my arms as they came into contact with his large, warm and muscular frame. My body began to hum, once again, from the inside out. It was as if the very blood in my veins was vibrating and heating under his touch.

I ran my tongue over his full lips and tasted him. Like his scent, it reminded me, oddly enough, of the sun. He was warm, always so warm, and pure but rich, like freshly churned cream, with just a hint of vanilla. It was what I'd always imagined vanilla ice cream would taste like to full-blooded humans, but warm of course. But that was Jake; he had always been wonderfully warm, and pure, in the simplest of ways.

He parted his lips and his tongue flicked out to meet mine. I moaned again, louder this time as we connected and our tongues and lips slipped slowly and gently against each other.

The hand in my hair began to rub my scalp gently, sending little tiny pulses of warmth running through my mind, as his other hand slid around my waist to the small of my back. I felt the slightest bit of pressure as he leaned into me and began to lower me backward toward the bed.

My body practically ignited with heated pleasure as he lowered himself over me, gently pressing himself to me. Every millimeter of me that met with him was alive and humming, seeping warmth into the rest of my body as we kissed. My lungs began to burn with the lack of oxygen and I pulled back a bit, gasping for air and breathing out his name.

I slid my hands down his back, finding the hem of his shirt and gently slid my fingers under, grazing his skin with my fingertips.

His lips made their way down my jaw, planting small open mouthed kisses the whole way. His breathing was rough and shallow as he reached my ear and whispered my name, telling me he loved me. The hand in my hair slid out and over to my neck, following his mouth as he slowly kissed his way down to my collarbone. He used a finger to pull the strap of my tank top to the side as he kissed his way over to the tip of my shoulder and back, then all the way up my neck to my ear again.

As he kissed me I ran my hands up and down his back with my fingertips, moving in small increments, getting higher with each pass. I could feel the muscles in his back ripple with each small movement he made. By the time he had made his way back to my ear his shirt was bunched up at the bottom of his neck and I turned my head to glance at him wondering what he would think if I pushed it up a little further and it... ended up on the floor.

Without a word he leaned back and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it... somewhere. If someone had threatened my life to discover the whereabouts of that shirt I would certainly be dead, because at that moment all I could do was admire and appreciate his perfection. I lifted my hand and placed my pointer finger at the bottom of his throat, aching to touch him and keep our burning, humming connection alive as I took him in with my eyes.

My gaze travelled over his broad shoulders, taking in their definition and strength and then followed my finger as it made its way down his toned and chiseled chest, and over the contours of his stomach. He shuddered lightly as I traced my way down, one, two, three, _four sets_ of gloriously toned muscles. My finger stopped and came to rest at the apex of where everything seemed to meet, a small "v" that began just under his stomach and continued down past the waist of his low riding jeans. I bit my lip and blushed as I suddenly realized I was ogling him before shifting my gaze to his.

His eyes were hooded, his lids almost half-way closed as he looked down at me with liquid black eyes that seemed to burn from the inside out. My breath caught when my eyes locked with his and I was only able to mumble out what I had been trying to say with my eyes as I had looked him over.

"Perfect," I breathed.

In an instant he was leaning over me again, this time leaving about an inch of space between us as he kissed me with such conviction that my head spun and I was seriously wondering whether or not I would spontaneously combust. I lost my breath with the force of it and broke the kiss briefly, moaning out his name loudly in response.

The inch of space between us turned out to be a very good thing as I allowed my fingertips to wander over his stomach and chest as we kissed again. He sighed my name as he kissed me.

The hand that was on my waist began roaming up and down my side, from my ribs, over my waist, my hip and down my thigh to my knee. He made this pass over my body twice, so slowly it was nearly torturous, leaving a wake of burning and humming behind on every inch of me that he touched. After the first two passes his hand stopped when it came back up and he reached my ribs. His kiss slowed as his hand rested at the top of my ribs and his thumb ran circles on my stomach just under my breast. He pulled back slightly and looked at me with a question in his eye.

My breathing hitched and my eyes widened a bit as I realized what he was asking me. I couldn't think of anything to say, and even if I had I'm sure it would have come out in an embarrassing moan, so I simply nodded, closed my eyes and leaned up to kiss him gently on the lips.

"I love you," he whispered into my lips before returning my kiss. I shivered a bit in anticipation while we kissed slowly and gently. He ran his hand back down to my waist and slowly back up, and then, with the lightest of pressure he ran his fingers slowly over my breast and up to my collar bone.

"Jake," I gasped, flattening my palms against his chest, reeling in the wave of hot pleasure that accompanied his touch on my breast. It flooded through me and then seemed to pool and concentrate in my belly and radiate lower to places in my body that had never been awakened, but were suddenly burning with heat and humming in anticipation.

As I placed my palms to him he replied with a gasp of his own.

A light grumble rolled through his chest and I realized that when I had pressed my palms to him he had seen what I was feeling. He knew exactly what he had done to me with that simple touch. I wondered for a split second if the growl meant that something was wrong, that I had somehow offended him, but then decided that it would be entirely wrong if a feeling this pleasurable would be in any way offensive to him.

I didn't have time to think it through any further, because he deepened our kiss then and began running his fingers back down my collar bone and over to my breast again at an agonizingly slow pace. As he made his way over my peak again I shuddered, and whimpered slightly, again feeling that burning wave of pleasure that intensified ten-fold, when he flattened his palm and grasped me lightly in his hand.

He moaned into my mouth as I bucked my hips into him instinctively. I gasped again when I came into contact with the one sure piece of evidence that he was just as aroused by all of this as I was. We were situated so that one of his legs was between mine and the other was off to the side. He immediately shifted, lifting his leg out from between mine and over to the side with his other leg. He pulled back and leaned his forehead into mine as we both tried to slow and steady our breathing.

We sat like that for a few minutes, not talking, just coming back down to earth. I was still reeling inside, and I could feel that my skin was flushed, my body heated and tingling from head to toe.

Without warning, my stomach growled loudly, causing both Jake and I to erupt into nervous and silly chuckles of laughter. I opened my eyes to find him looking at me, with a small smirk on his lips.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"No," I said, and his brows shot up in concern. I shook my head and chuckled again as I continued. "I can think of a million adjectives to describe how much _better _than alright I'm feeling right now... happy, fabulous and wonderful all come to mind for starters." I concluded by giving him a quick and very chaste kiss on the lips as he huffed out a sigh of relief.

"Don't forget hungry," he added with a small smile.

I nodded and flushed as I shrugged my shoulders.

"I asked Leah, Seth and Olivia to run out and grab a decent breakfast for us right before you... woke up earlier. They should be back any minute now."

"Okay," I said and sighed as I snuggled up against him. He had laid down flat on the mattress next to me, so I rested my head on his shoulder and lifted my hand and arm to lay them on his chest. As I did that it reminded me of earlier, when I had inadvertently showed him what I was thinking. I flushed and hid my face in his shoulder, a little embarrassed at my unintended declaration of passion.

"Hey," he said, running his fingers through my hair, "you sure you're alright?"

"Yes," I said and nodded into his shoulder. I had never really thought about my gift in this sort of... situation before. It was more than a bit unnerving having the ability to reveal all of your deepest feelings with the touch of a hand, and never getting the same in return from the person you are with. With that thought I began to wonder...

And then I began to worry. He had pulled away shortly after my rather _enthusiastic_ reaction. He hadn't said why. I worried that maybe I had disappointed him somehow, or maybe he wasn't as _enthusiastic_ as I was. I began biting my lip and fidgeting my fingers through my hair as my thoughts ran amuck and my worry escalated.

He must have picked up on my worry because I felt him sigh and roll a bit so that I was lying on my back and he was beside me, propped up on an elbow and staring into my eyes.

"Ness, you promised you would talk to me. Please, tell me what's on your mind. I can tell something's bothering you." He placed his hand on my cheek and rubbed his thumb over my lips before kissing me softly and then pulling back to wait for my response.

I pulled in a deep breath and grabbed the hand on my face, lacing my fingers through his and pulling them down between us. I stared fixedly at our fingers as I flushed with embarrassment and mumbled out my concern to him, unable to look him in the eye as I did so.

"It's just a bit... difficult for me, knowing that I can willingly or sometimes _accidentally_ show you exactly what I'm feeling at any given moment. It's very... revealing. And it's hard for me not to know what you're feeling too."

He lifted our joined hands to move my chin back so that I could see his face. His expression was serious and cautious. My shoulders tensed as I took this to mean that something _was _wrong, but he shook his head and swallowed thickly before answering me.

"I've never really thought of it like that. I'm sorry that you were feeling uncomfortable. I can only tell you that I love knowing what you're thinking and feeling. It's really... _sexy_ actually." He said with a lift of his eyebrows.

My jaw dropped and I blinked rapidly before putting my face back together and blushed the deepest shade of red I think I ever had. He chuckled lightly at my blush before he continued.

"But I can see where that might leave you feeling a bit... _exposed_, I guess. If I were you I would definitely want to know what my partner was feeling too."

I nodded and smiled lightly at him, as a pale shade of rose coloured his cheeks under his copper skin. I bit my lip realizing that this was hard for him too. I only had to lift a hand and touch him in the heat of the moment to reveal myself to him, while he had to vocalize his feelings after the fact.

I leaned up and kissed him again, soft and slow, squeezing his hand as our tongues met briefly and the fire began to burn once more.

"Orders up sleepyheads! Rise and shine, get your butts our here and eat on the picnic table, it's too nice to stay in-" Leah spouted as she barged in the door. She stopped mid sentence and halted her footsteps as soon as she eyed Jake and I on the bed, kissing, his shirt on the floor, hands together, in a rather intimate position.

"Oh, uhhhh, my bad! We'll just be out there, ummm - eating. Join us whenever you're ready to come - I mean eat! Yeah, eat. Erm... right." And with that she rolled her eyes and swiftly retreated closing the door behind her with a thud.

Jake and I looked at each other and once again burst into chuckles and giggles at Leah's reaction.

"I guess we should get you some breakfast," he said as he pecked me on the nose and pulled back.

Slightly disappointed that our conversation had been cut short I nodded and rose out of bed, straightening my shirt and clothes out hastily before turning to ask Jake if I looked decent. As I did I noticed he was out of bed, with his back to me, heading toward the bathroom.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked. He had been griping about the motel food for days, he must have been starving for a hearty breakfast.

He nodded and before turning his head and smirking at me. "Yeah, but you head on out now. I'll join you guys in a few. I'm just going to take a very long, very _cold_, shower first."

And with that he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. I think I blushed from head to toe at his subtle way of letting me know exactly what he intended to tell me before Leah burst through the door and interrupted us.

It took several deep breaths and more than a minute for my heart to slow and my blush to fade. I shook my head and prayed without much hope that Leah would have the decency to pretend like she walked in on nothing, before walking out of the door and over to the picnic area to eat breakfast.

I smiled shyly at Seth and Olivia, who replied warmly with smiles of their own.

"It's good to see you smiling this morning Nessie. We've been a bit worried about you." Olivia said quietly before grabbing my hand across the table and squeezing it lightly.

"Sorry, Olivia. You don't have to worry about me. I've just been really tired lately. Jake and I talked a bit last night and this morning and I'm feeling much better now."

Leah snorted as she poured syrup on her pancakes and replied, "Yeah, there seemed to be a lot of _tongue-wagging_ going on when I called you guys for breakfast." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and I blushed as Olivia gaped slightly and Seth choked, nearly snorting out a mouthful of orange juice at Leah's revelation.

I didn't quite know how to respond to that, so I just grabbed a couple of pieces of bacon and some scrambled eggs and drowned them in hot sauce before eating my breakfast while staring down at my plate. Seth seemed to sense my unease and began talking about some guy they had seen at the diner that looked like the star in that book and film series about teenage wizards.

Just as I was finishing my plate Jake came out to join us. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead before saying good morning to everyone else and grabbing a plate. Once he had it filled with food and took his seat beside me he grabbed a fork and glanced up, freezing when he noticed Seth and Leah staring at him. Olivia just looked at me with apologetic eyes, probably feeling my embarrassment about what was bound to happen next.

"What?" Jake asked with mild irritation, looking back and forth between Seth and Leah.

"Oh, nothing," Leah said nonchalantly, "It looks like you showered. Did you leave any cold water for the rest of us?" she asked, her lips curling up into a smile.

Jake looked from her, to Seth and back again before rolling his eyes and stabbing a breakfast sausage with his fork, mumbling things about 'mind her own business' , 'wouldn't like it if the tables were turned' and 'just wait until I get my chance' before digging in and eating his breakfast.

The rest of us, myself and Olivia included erupted in laughter at Jake's irritation and mild threats before turning back to the table and grabbing seconds.


	25. Past & Predictions

**Hello again. We get some insight into a few things this chapter… and a learn a little more about Seth and Olivia. **

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's reservations in this chapter.**

**Chapter 25 – Past & Predictions**

**JPOV**

"Hey Jake," Seth called over the rack as I searched for a black shirt in my size, "what do you think about this one?"

He smirked up at me holding up a bright pink shirt up to his chest, wiggling his eyebrows at me suggestively. I shook my head and sent him a half smile telling him he should ask Olivia if she wanted to get the matching one, before picking up three of the fitted black t-shirts in my size and tossing them over my shoulder with the other stuff I planned to buy.

Seth just rolled his eyes and put it back telling me he was just about ready to check out. I nodded and told him I would cash out now and meet him outside in the car when he was done.

I walked up to the register and dropped my things. While I waited for the leggy blonde behind the register to finish with her other customer I eyed the jewellery display without much interest. I didn't wear any jewelry, as a rule. I wasn't really one for accessories at all, but when you considered the fact that I occasionally morphed into a giant wolf, jewellery was definitely a complication that I could live without. So my eyes wandered, not really taking in any specifics, just needing something to occupy my thoughts with, other than _her._ I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, how good it felt to hold her, kiss her... _touch _her since our time together this morning. It was all I could think about for the last couple of hours. I shook my head a bit, trying to banish the thoughts from my head and focus on what I was here for.

I went back to looking at the silver in front of me, forcing myself to pay a little more attention.

As my eyes wandered over the rows of silver it dawned on me that each and every piece in the case was completely unique. I glanced up to the sign at the top of the display that read "Lavish & Lime: Handcrafted one of a kind of silver." They were actually kind of nice, really interesting pieces, simple and somewhat unpolished, giving them a more natural feel than shiny machine-made mass produced pieces of jewellery. I looked closer at the jewellery, finding myself actually interested in some of the more intricate pieces, when something caught my eye. It was a medium length rope chain, with a simple hand crafted silver oval plate pendant, set sideways so that the necklace threaded through two hooks, one at the top of each side to hold the pendant up. The pendant was a bit smaller than the pad of my thumb. Etched in the middle of the pendant was a simple heart with wings. I smiled lightly as I looked at it, thinking of the person it reminded me of.

"Something catch your eye?" the blonde with the too short skirt behind the register asked, startling me.

I looked up to see her leaning over the counter, her head cocked to the side, glancing between me and the case in a way that suggested she was asking about more than just a piece of jewellery. She was snapping a piece of gum in her mouth as she chewed, twirling a lock of overly processed blonde-hair between her fingers and arching her back a bit in my direction, probably trying to give me a better look at what was under her very low-cut shirt. _Yeah, right, _I thought to myself. _Do other guys actually fall for that? _I fought back a grimace as I took in her expression and pointed at the silver necklace I was looking at without meeting her eyes.

She looked down and nodded, a small hum escaping from her, as she reached in and pulled out the necklace for me.

"There's an inscription on the back too." She flipped it over so that I could see the inscription and placed the pendant in my outstretched hand, brushing her fingers against mine.

"Hot," I heard her mumble under her breath, after touching my naturally warm skin. I rolled my eyes inwardly at the obvious double meaning in her tone.

On the back of the pendant, etched with the same tool used to do the winged heart on the front, were three words, written in a simple script.

'_Love Without Reservation'_

I smiled to myself, thinking that the inscription was a perfect way to describe what she and I had been struggling with for the last little while. From the time we moved to Alaska until now, there had been one obstacle after another. Her frustration, my misunderstanding, that prick Colin, my father's murder, then her attack, and now the PoD had us on the run. It just seemed like we could never take a breath and just _be _together for a little while. We were both struggling to figure out how to make this work.

"What do you think? From the looks of the smile on your face you've got someone special in mind to give it to."

The blonde was now ringing up my other purchases, several pairs of jeans and khaki cargo pants, shirts... practically a whole wardrobe. I had a lot of things that needed replacing, and managed to find most of what I needed here. The girls would probably be shopping for a while still; their stuff was never easy to get all in one place. Leah needed just about as much as I did, and so did Olivia. We decided Nessie should get a bunch of new things too, some things she might not normally wear. We all decided to do that actually, hoping to disguise ourselves a bit when we were out in public.

I looked up to see the blonde cashier smiling at me knowingly, although there did seem to be a bit of regret in her expression. I nodded and she took the necklace from me, placing it in a plain white box with a cotton liner.

"Should I wrap it up for her?" she asked, surprising me a bit. _Huh_, I thought, _this one's smarter than she looks._

I smiled back. "Thanks. Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

She took out a simple pale green wrapping paper sleeve and slid the box into it before tying the open end closed with a small white ribbon.

"Do you want to carry it out separately or would you like it in the bag with your other things?"

"I'll take it, thanks."

She smiled while handing me the bags with my clothes and then the necklace.

"She's a lucky girl," she said as she passed the necklace to me.

I shook my head no. "You've got it backwards."

"What's backwards?" Seth asked, appearing out of nowhere behind me, checking over his clothes carefully to make sure none of them were on the wrong way.

The blonde and I laughed together.

"Nothing man, I'll see you out at the car." I said before turning to leave.

I made my way outside and put my things in the trunk of the SUV. I got settled in the driver's seat and texted Leah to see how the girls were doing with their shopping while I waited for Seth to return.

_**How's it going? You guys almost done? – J**_

I put the phone on the dash and looked down at the little present in my lap. I picked it up, turning it over and over in my hands as I thought about when to give it to her. We'd be running a bit after we ditched the car, at least until nightfall when we reached the train station. I would probably have to wait a while. Things might be a bit hectic until we find a place to settle in for the next couple of weeks.

The phone beeped and I set the little green wrapped box down on the dash to pick it up. I laughed when I read Leah's response.

_**Well, I'm done, but the other 2 are taking their time with some girl talk in the change room. I think we've got about another hour and half to go... 1 hour if I can help it. - L**_

I stifled my laugh long enough to type back. I glanced back at the box of doughnuts on the back seat and smirked.

_**K, Seth and I will wait in the car – with the doughnuts. Have fun... – J**_

That ought to make her day. Leah hated shopping, and would probably have rushed into one store and bought everything in one place, much like Seth and I had done, but there was no way Nessie and Olivia were going on their own, and it wasn't like Seth or I could take them shopping for everything they needed. It was just easier for everyone (ok everyone but Leah) if Leah went with them. To top it off, Leah loved doughnuts, and when they went to get breakfast this morning they had actually managed to find a place that made chocolate covered ones with real whip cream inside. Leah had ordered a dozen doughnuts to take with us on the road, but only one of that kind. They were her absolute favourite and she was saving it for after the shopping trip, something to look forward to after the torture. She would probably spit nails if she came back and found out that one of us had eaten it. I barely had time to set the phone on the dash again when her response beeped back.

_**Touch the chocolate-cream and you will suffer! That goes for Seth too. C U in 45. - L **_

I chuckled again, knowing that she would most likely make good on her threat if she came back and we had actually eaten it. She might be a girl, but she was a werewolf, and Leah was _not _one to be messed with. There were reasons I chose her as my second in command. Her surprising strength and... tenacity were part of what helped me make that decision.

"What's so funny?" Seth asked, dumping his bags in the trunk and hearing me chuckle. I waited for him to close the trunk and make his way over to the passenger seat before showing him the series of texts Leah and I had been sending back and forth.

Seth laughed and reached back to grab the box of doughnuts. He opened the lid and pulled out the chocolate-cream with a huge smirk on his face. He popped open the glove box and sat it inside.

"I'm not taking any responsibility for that when she gets back, and I am _not_ going to save you when she's got you in a chokehold in the parking lot, Seth." I said, rolling my eyes and chuckling at him.

He shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows at me. "Yeah, I'd like to see her try. I'm her brother Jake, I know all of her tricks," he muttered under his breath.

I shook my head and chuckled at Seth's confidence. _This should be interesting. _The glove box gave me an idea though. I needed some place safe to stash Nessie's gift until I could give it her. I didn't want to put it in the back with other things, it'd probably get banged around a lot. I picked up the green package and slipped it in the glove box, on top of the shelf, before closing its door.

"Present?" Seth asked, eyeing me carefully. I sighed a bit, thinking that I couldn't really blame him for being curious. It did seem like odd timing to be buying anyone a gift.

"I bought something for Renesmee. Nothing much, just a little necklace. I thought it might cheer her up a bit." I said quietly, reaching for the doughnut box and grabbing the closest one.

"One of the handmade ones at the store? Those were nice, really unique. I'm sure she'll love it." Seth said with a smile and then grabbed his own doughnut out of the box before returning the box to the back seat.

We ate in silence for a few seconds, before Seth spoke quietly.

"How's it going with you two?" he asked hesitantly. I sighed a bit, not really wanting to talk about it.

"Pretty good, all things considered, I think." I said just as quietly.

Seth seemed to sense my reluctance and nodded before seeming to drop the subject and grabbing another doughnut from the box.

"Sprinkles or plain?" he asked me.

"Neither, I'm good." I said.

He grabbed the plain one for himself and then settled back in his seat before looking at the phone on the dash.

"It's good that Liv and Nessie are taking some time to talk, sometimes it's nice to have someone to help you sort out your thoughts," he said while looking at the window.

I rolled my eyes. Seth's attempt at subtlety didn't fool me.

I sat back with my head against the head rest and closed my eyes. I didn't really feel much like talking about some of the things that were going through mind, but I knew that if I didn't sort this out soon, I'd end up sharing my preoccupations with others whether I wanted to or not. This way I could at least process and filter my thoughts in private. And with the girls tied up for about another hour, now was as good a time as any.

"She's been having nightmares. That's why she hasn't been sleeping. She described them to me... and they're pretty frightening. She was so scared this morning that after she woke herself up screaming it took me over ten minutes to calm her down. She was sobbing and shaking like a leaf." I kept my eyes closed as I talked, head resting back, trying to sort through my thoughts about this as calmly and rationally as possible.

"It sounded like she was pretty terrified. We were going to come in and help, but she calmed down quite a bit when you went in, so we thought we'd give you two some privacy."

I nodded. "Thanks, I'm glad you did. She probably would have been embarrassed about having an audience if all of you had come in." I sucked in and blew out a deep breath before continuing. I wasn't really sure whether Seth would understand my problem, but once I told him what I was about to say next it was bound to come up.

"She said she's been avoiding sleep almost the whole week because every time she falls asleep she has a nightmare. Every time except last night that is. She said I make her feel safe. She slept peacefully the entire night last night. Her nightmare didn't begin until I left her by herself." I said in a low voice. My brow wrinkled and I sighed as I began thinking about the obvious solution to her problem, and the cause of mine.

"Well that has to be a bit of a relief, Jake. At least that's something you can help her with. I'm sure Leah would be happy to take over the night shift so you can stay with Nessie," Seth said with happy optimism.

I grimaced a bit and swallowed back my reluctance to talk as I opened my eyes and turned to face Seth. He was staring at me, his expression a mixture of surprise and curiosity.

"It's just not that easy Seth. I'd love nothing more than to stay with her every night... but when we're that close it's..." I shook my head and frowned turning to look out the window. There was no easy way to explain this. I could see Seth's reflection in the glass; his expression had shifted to concern. _Aw hell, _I thought, _Seth's a great guy, like the brother I never had. If I couldn't talk about this with him, I couldn't talk about it with anybody._

I turned, looking through the windshield at the sun, and decided to lay it all out for him, and see what he thought. Maybe he was right. It might help to have someone else help me sort through this.

"The thing is Seth, she's got so much going on right now. Her emotions are all over the map. One minute she's feeling one way, the next she's completely turned around and feeling another. I know that she's never unsure about me... but I don't want to give her any reason to be." I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "She loves me, I know that. And she trusts me, I know that too. But when we're _together_, when we... kiss or touch I... I have a hard time trusting _myself_. She's sixteen Seth, and I'm twenty-three. I know she's what I want, but I don't want to do anything with her before she's ready. I don't care about waiting, I'll wait as long as she needs me to. But she's always so _eager... _I can talk to her, wait for her to tell me what she's ready for, sure, but I don't know if she's the best judge about what she is or isn't ready for right now. And when we're together like that, I can't be the best judge either."

I shook my head and took a deep breath trying to figure out how to put it into words. I continued, my voice so low it was barely a whisper.

"I don't know how to explain it Seth. Our connection is like... fire and heat and _gravity, _I'm drawn to her, like a moth to a flame. The sheer _force_ of it is enough to scare me into not trusting myself with her. Nothing else exists, just her, and our heat - and that pull. I got a glimpse of how she feels about it when we were together this morning, she showed me without really meaning to. It's... _intense _for her, just like it is for me. I don't want to take things too far, and scare her or hurt her. I can't do that her. And sleeping in the same bed with her every night... might be more temptation than either of us can handle."

I felt like a complete jerk, basically admitting to Seth like I couldn't control myself enough to keep my hands off the woman I loved. But... _it wasn't like that_, because the pull wasn't just physical. Our connection went a lot deeper than that for both of us. But that's not what it sounded like, I'm sure. I let my head fall and ran my hands over my face, waiting for Seth's response. He was very quiet, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him, afraid of what I'd see if I did.

"Did I ever tell you what happened to Olivia before I met her?" Seth asked quietly.

I turned to look at him. Olivia? I shook my head, wondering where he was going with this.

Seth took a deep breath and turned to look out over the parking lot. His posture was tense, and his jaw clenched and released a couple of times before he spoke.

"Her junior year of high school she hooked up with Travis, you know, the dark haired, muscled up guy Connor hangs out with?"

I snarled lightly under my breath at the mention of Connor and his friends. If any of them were involved, this was bound to end up badly. Those guys were pigs, and only out for one thing. Why would a shy, sweet girl like Olivia get involved with one of them?

"Olivia used to be on the cheering squad and Travis was on the football team. Olivia said Travis hardly seemed to notice her. But when a couple of their friends had been dating and suggested they double one night Travis asked her out. She was flattered, because he was really popular and she never had been, so she said yes. She'd never really dated before, so they took it slow and went on a couple of group dates, and then he took her out just the two of them a few times too.

She said it was only their fifth or sixth date by the time Travis invited her to his parent's house one weekend while they were away for their anniversary. Everything started out ok, they ate and watched a movie, but after that... they started to mess around a bit." He paused here, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath.

"Things got heated, a little too quickly for Olivia's liking... and she told him to stop. She said she tried to... she..." He stopped here, unable to finish because he was choking on his own words.

His jaw clenched again and his hands curled up into fists on his legs, which were now shaking in a way that let me know he was struggling to control himself. He turned to face me then, a black fury and hatred burning in his eyes like I had never seen before. Seth was usually a peaceful person, he was not one to get worked up easily. Something horrible must have happened to her for him to be so angry.

_Oh hell no, _I thought._ Not her. She was so tiny and delicate - anyone could see that she'd never have a chance to..._

"Seth... did he? Was she...?" I whispered. I couldn't even bring myself to say the word. The thought of someone as big and strong as Travis forcing himself on someone as small and gentle as Olivia was just unspeakably wrong. The guy was _massive_; he was easily twice her size. She wouldn't have stood a chance defending herself against a guy like him.

I swallowed back the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat as I processed Seth's facial expression. He didn't answer me. He didn't have to. His silence, his expression, his rigid body, muscles tight and quivering, were all the confirmation I needed. He simply closed his eyes and began taking deep breaths. His jaw clenched and stayed that way as he fought the fury back, while I worked to still my own shaking hands. That sick bastard had raped her. Their difference in size led me to believe that it was probably painful, maybe even violently so. I was sick just thinking about it. My stomach flipped and then tied itself into knots as I thought about how it might have happened. I didn't want to think about it, but the images popped into my head anyway. I pushed them back and began seeing red as I thought about the chance that we had lost just about a month ago.

"We should have annihilated them that day in Alaska Seth! We could have beaten him to a pulp!" I yelled. I was infuriated! I jumped halfway out of my seat, my own hands curling up and shaking while glaring at Seth. He should have told me. I knew those guys were trouble, and we had the perfect opportunity to make sure none of them ever hurt anyone again, but he passed it up! It didn't make any sense.

He shook his head at me and then turned to look at me, his eyes tormented with frustration and anger.

"I would have killed him Jake," he whispered, his voice as hard as steel. "I wanted to the day I found out. But when Olivia told me about it, and she saw my reaction, she made me promise not to go after him. She said she knew I would lose it on him and she didn't want me punished for that. She said he already took enough away from her – she had never... she was a..." he tried to explain without saying the words.

"She didn't want to lose me over him too. She begged me to let it be. So I promised her I wouldn't do it."

"But what about the police? Seth, didn't she press charges? I know they were minors, but _something_ could have been done." I couldn't believe that Travis could just do that to her and get away with it. He should have paid, and paid dearly, for taking advantage of a girl in that way, especially one as sweet and delicate as Olivia. It was a monstrous thing to do.

He shook his head sadly. "You know how shy she is. She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. She knew people would want to question her, and that they'd want to look at her – her body for evidence. Her parents begged her to, but she refused. She was nearly hysterical with the thought of having someone examine her, she just wanted to be left alone. They tried, but they couldn't make her report it. She just... couldn't do it. She just kept it to herself. She said that I was the first one she ever told, besides her parents. She switched schools after that and didn't see him again until this year."

I sat in my seat, staring at the shoppers loading bags into their trunks or putting their children in strollers. My anger began to subside slowly, as did Seth's. The silence between us allowed us to breathe and calm down.

After a few minutes Seth broke the silence. His voice was quiet, but calmer than it had been before.

"What happened to Olivia was... terrifying and painful. There's a world of difference between _that_ and what you and Nessie have. I was the first guy she trusted enough to date after that. She hadn't gone out with anyone else, even though it had been almost three years. I knew, after what she had told me, that it might be difficult for us to do things with each other, intimately. But we love each other, so we worked it out. She was vulnerable, kind of like Nessie seems to you, but in a very different way. We talked about it, and decided that she would be in charge of whatever we did, and how and whenever we did it."

He paused and chuckled lightly.

"She surprised me by being a bit more eager that I thought. I was sure she'd want to take things incredibly slow, and I was ok with that. But she didn't. She said she just wanted to be with me and love me in whatever way felt right. She knew what she was ready to handle and when. I trusted her to be open and honest with me about what she wanted and needed, she trusted me to respect her needs. And it worked out really well. She felt safe and in control of her own body, and I knew she was always comfortable because she promised she would tell me if she wasn't. Maybe you should try letting Nessie take the lead Jake. You love her – trust her enough to know that she would never want to put you or her in the position of being responsible for doing something you might regret later."

I stared up at the blue sky as I considered everything that Seth had told me. I had never really thought of it that way. I was worried about her being vulnerable, and not wanting to take advantage of her. But I would never _hurt_ her, or take advantage of her the way that creep Travis had with Olivia. Seth was right, there was a huge difference between being together the way that we were, and what had happened with Olivia. I knew it wasn't the same, but the solution to the problem could be. We talked, asked questions and communicated with each other. I loved her, and I wanted her to be safe and happy. She trusted me... so I guessed I just had to do my best to trust myself, and trust her enough to know what was right for her and when. Whatever we did or didn't do would be about love, trust and mutual respect.

I smiled a bit as I turned to look at Seth. He was looking out of the side window. The girls were making their way back to the car. Olivia and Nessie had handfuls of bags and were talking and laughing a bit together, while Leah trailed behind. He was looking at her like she was the only person in the world. My smile widened a bit as I realized that it was the same way I often looked at Nessie.

"She's lucky to have you Seth. And thanks, man. I'm glad we talked." I said, punching him on the shoulder lightly.

He turned to smile at me and said, "You've got that backwards, Jake. Trust me, I'm the lucky one."

I laughed at the irony of his statement before nodding. We opened the doors and went out to meet the girls and help them with their bags.

I eyed Nessie as we approached and noticed that she seemed happier, less tense. She had been giggling with Olivia, talking about something they bought at the last store they were in. She was beautiful when she laughed. Her face lit up, hey eyes sparkled, and her laughter sounded like music, soft and light. I smiled at her broadly, liking the changes I was seeing. I guess a little girl time had done her good.

I took all of the bags out of one hand as I approached.

"Hey," I said, "you look like you had fun."

"Hey yourself," she smiled at me before standing on her toes and giving me a small kiss. "I did. Olivia helped me find a few things I was looking for, and we had a nice talk. Leah was really helpful too."

I snorted lightly and looked over my shoulder at Leah, who rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders before opening the door and climbing in to the back seat. She pretended like she hated doing things with the girls, but I knew otherwise. Shopping might not be her favourite activity, but she liked Nessie and seemed to be getting along really well with Olivia, so she probably did enjoy herself a bit.

We headed to the back of the SUV and were arranging bags to make everything fit when we heard a growl from the back seat.

"WHO. ATE. MY. DOUGHNUT?" Leah snarled, jumping out of the SUV and bolting to the back.

Seth backed away a little bit while I chuckled and held my hands in the air. Leah narrowed her eyes and studied my expression carefully, looking for any sign that I was lying. Apparently she believed me, because the next thing I knew she had Seth in a headlock and was threatening his life.

"Okay, okay!" Seth gasped as Leah tightened her grip. "I didn't eat it!"

"Where _is_ it then?" she snarled.

Olivia, Nessie and I laughed at the expression on Seth's face. If Leah wasn't careful he was going to start turning blue.

"Glove box," Seth managed to get out between gulps for air.

She looked at me for confirmation. I nodded and she released him, but not before telling him he'd better find a safe place to hide if she didn't find it in there.

We all had a good laugh at Seth's expense before climbing in to the SUV and setting out on the road again. While we drove the girls took all of the tags off of the new things, folded them and packed them in our backpacks.

A few hours later we had reached the point where we decided to leave the SUV. I found a spot in the woods where the trees had thinned enough for us to get the vehicle into. Once I parked we piled out and grabbed all of our things. Seth and the girls went to work covering the back end of the car with branches to hide it, while I walked into the woods to have a meeting with Sam and Edward.

I phased and shook out my fur, stretching a bit. It felt good to be on four legs instead of two sometimes, especially since we were back out on the run. My senses were heightened as a wolf. I was always more aware of my surroundings, and felt ready to take on anyone or anything. I had grown to like, if not love my other form over time. It no longer felt like a burden to me, like it used to in the beginning. Renesmee changed most of that for me. She needed to be with someone strong, who could protect her against the dangers in her parents' world. No average human could do that for her like I could.

_Jacob?_

_Yeah, Sam I'm here. Sorry we're a bit late. We stopped off to do some shopping and the girls took a bit longer than we anticipated._

_That's ok Jake. Edward will be relieved to know. He was starting to get worried. He almost had Bella text you._

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. These check-in's with Sam and Edward had been my idea, a way to co-ordinate and find out what they learned to help us stay on top of the game. I should have known Edward would worry about us if we were late every once in a while. It was annoying, but I still couldn't say I blamed him... too much.

_Well, everything's ok here Sam. Tell him to calm down. We're going to run for the next few hours straight and hopefully we'll make it to the train station in Vancouver._

_We've been to Toronto, and everything seems to check out there. So if that's where you're planning to go it should be safe._

_Thanks Sam. Any leads?_

_None so far. Even the Denali's were clueless. Whoever was visiting you in Alaska was very careful not to come across any of them. They were shocked to hear of what's been going on._

Hmmm, so the PoD seemed to know about the clan of vampires in Denali too. The more information we got, the more it seemed as though someone familiar with the Cullen family was behind this. I didn't bother voicing my concern about this to Sam, I was sure Edward and the others had already come to the same conclusion as I had.

_Jake?_ Said Sam, interrupting my thoughts.

_Sorry Sam, just thinking._

_That's ok. We've got a plane to catch soon, so I won't keep you long. Edward and Bella are here and they wanted me to ask how Renesmee is holding up._

_She's ok, mostly. She had a rough few days. I think she's a bit overwhelmed with everything that's gone on. Plus she lost quite a bit of sleep because she'd been having nightmares. Last night was the first night she slept in a while. We talked a bit last night, and then she slept and seemed to be feeling better afterward. She didn't have another nightmare until this morning. She had a good time shopping with the girls today, and that seems to have lifted her spirits._

I waited while Sam relayed the message to Edward and Bella, suddenly feeling very grateful for the fact that Edward couldn't read my mind from where he was and figure out exactly how little Renesmee's good night sleep had to do with our talk.

_Jacob, you still there?_

_Yeah Sam._

_Listen, Edward wants to speak with Renesmee about her nightmares. He seems really concerned about them. He's going to call your cell phone. Can you be back to Seth and the girls in a couple of minutes, to let them know?_

Well that was a surprise. We agreed to use cell phones only in emergencies because we didn't know if anyone was tracking them. The phones were all new and traced back to unlisted European numbers, but we agreed not to take any unnecessary risks with them anyway. Edward must be pretty worried about the nightmares for him to call.

_Give me three minutes Sam, four tops. Tell Emily I said hi, and stay safe._

_Do the same for me. And would you tell Seth to check in at home when he can? Sue's ecstatic about him and Olivia and she wants to congratulate them if she can._

_Will do. I'm outta here Sam._

_Bye Jake._

I phased and dressed as quickly as I could before running back to join the others. They had just finished covering the car and were putting on their backpacks when I came through the trees.

"How'd it go Jake?" Seth asked as he adjusted his straps.

"Good. Nothing new. They checked out Toronto for us and said it's clear." I replied while walking over to Renesmee. She was fiddling with her straps too, trying to get the right fit for running. I didn't like the look of her bag, it seemed too full. She was mostly recovered from her attack, but running with a bag that full for a few hours would probably hurt her. I made a mental note to empty some of her things into my bag before we left.

"Ness?"

"Hey, Jake. Can you help me out here?" She was trying to adjust shoulder strap, but it was twisted behind her back. I lifted it a bit and straightened the strap before grabbing the bag and pulling it down her arms.

"Jake, what...?"

"Your dad's going to call any minute now." I said before dropping my voice to a whisper. "They asked me how you were doing, and I told them you were ok, but when I mentioned your nightmares your dad got worried and said he needed to talk to you. Are you going to be ok to talk to him about it?"

She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath. Her shoulders slumped a bit. I hated seeing this upset her again after having a good afternoon and finally being able to forget about things for a while. She nodded just as the phone rang. Leah had grabbed it out of my backpack and was bringing it to us.

She grabbed the phone and answered quickly.

"Dad?" She said quietly.

"Yeah, I'm doing ok. Don't worry, Jake's taking great care of me." She smiled a bit and grabbed my hand, giving it a little squeeze. My heart gave a little squeeze of its own, hearing her praise. I had thought she might have been upset or disappointed with me for not being there this past week while she was having trouble sleeping and was obviously a bit overwhelmed with emotion. As usual though, she seemed to only see the best of my actions, forgetting everything else. Nessie always looked for the best in everyone.

I felt her grip tighten again as she began relaying her nightmares to her father in a whisper. Before long she was shaking a bit. I pulled her to me and hugged her from behind as she began to describe this morning's nightmare in detail to her father. She did her best to stay composed, but soon she was visibly shaking, her head bowed forward and she was leaning against me for support. I hugged her tighter and whispered in the ear that wasn't up to the phone that she was doing great and I was proud of her.

After a minute or so of listening to her father she spoke briefly with her mom, telling her she loved her and missed her. When she let Bella go she was back on the phone with Edward. After telling him she loved him and missed him too she turned to me and held the phone out.

"My dad wants to talk to you before we hang up," she said quietly.

I took the phone from her and kept the other arm wrapped around her waist.

"Edward?"

"Jacob, listen, we don't have a lot of time for explanations because we've got to run and catch our flight, but I need to talk to you about her nightmares," he sounded serious, and a bit anxious, which was beginning to worry me. I looked over at Leah and Olivia, and when they saw my expression they came over to take Nessie from me so I could talk to Edward in private.

"I'm listening," I said as I walked back toward the trees.

"Jacob when Bella was human she used to dream a lot, almost every night, which is rare. Most people don't have memorable dreams that often. Bella's dreams were a bit... special though. She seemed to have a sense of precognition in them. More often than not her dreams were quite accurate."

"Wait, do you mean she could see things that were going to happen in her dreams, like Alice does with her visions?" I asked incredulously. No one had ever mentioned this before. Bella and I were best friends. It was a bit of a shock to be learning this after all this time.

"In a way, yes. Bella's dreams weren't as accurate as Alice's visions, they seemed to encompass the general _idea_ of what would happen, more like general predictions than precognition. The details were not always correct. Not all of her dreams were predictions either. But more often than not, the nightmares were. Given Renesmee's abilities, how she seems to have borrowed gifts from both Bella and I, but they manifest in different ways, her nightmares concern me. I have no idea what to make of them, because she's never had a nightmare before. I think it's important that we pay close attention to them and make sure she tells us as much as possible about them, just in case."

I was stunned into silence for a minute. What if Edward was on to something with this? Could Nessie's nightmares somehow predict the future? For the second time that day my stomach was in knots. The thought of any of those things happening to her in any capacity scared the hell out of me. I hoped and prayed for Nessie's sake that she had somehow managed to flip this gift around too and was dreaming up things that would predict the opposite of what would happen to her.

"Jacob, we have to go. I need your word that you'll keep me informed about her nightmares and let me know immediately if there has been a change to them or if she has a new one. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, "Don't worry Edward, you'll be the first to know. I promised to be there to help her if she has another one, and I'll get back to you about it as quickly as I can." I heard their flight being called for boarding in the background.

"Thank you Jacob. I know you're doing everything you can to keep her safe. Sam and I will be ready to meet again in two days time. We're splitting up a bit for a day so Alice can scan the future for us. If you need to talk to me before then call this number. If we don't answer assume we had to get rid of the phone and wait for us to contact you. Good bye Jacob, have a safe trip and... Thank you for taking care of my little girl." He said, slowing down to a murmur at the last part.

"Talk to you soon Edward." I said and hung up. I leaned against the closest tree and closed my eyes to get my bearings. This could potentially be huge. And it would scare Nessie. I had to take a few minutes to compose myself before I could walk out there and face her. I decided not to tell her about her father's worries that she may be somehow predicting her future in her horrible nightmares. I'd simply tell her that I promised him to help her through them as much as I could, which was the truth

I pushed off the tree and began to make my way back to the others as I promised myself that I would not allow any of the horrible things she dreamed to happen to her. If we knew about the potential danger then we would be prepared. Anyone wishing to carry out anything close to what she dreamed about was going to have to get through _me _first.


	26. Jealousy & a Supernova

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own hot, bright supernovas… ;-)**

**Chapter 26 – Jealousy and a Supernova**

**RPOV**

"Well, Mr. Wolfe, it looks like you're all set to go. If you need anything else don't hesitate to ask. I'm Dani, I'll be accompanying your group on your trip to Toronto." The toffee-skinned, dark-haired young woman slid the reservation sheet into his hand with a coy smile, looking up through her fake lashes. She had spent the entire time 'checking us in' flirting with Jake. She only spoke to him and took every opportunity to bend, sway and otherwise draw attention to her lean, curvy figure as she worked.

_Grrrrrrr. _I growled instinctively under my breath. Jake glanced over at me quizzically while I pretended to be frustrated with a strap on my backpack, and our overly-friendly Via Rail hostess continued to pretend that I did not exist. I mean, really, it was quite obvious. We were standing there, confirming our reservation together... a _suite_, with a double bed. Yet she was acting like it was for Jake and Jake only. It probably didn't help that the reservation was made just in his "name" (or the one on his fake ID anyway) but, seriously, could she honestly think he would blow thousands on a suite for him to sleep in _alone_?

Glancing over at Jake, I took in his large frame and frowned a bit to myself, realizing that it could actually be possible. The accommodations in the sleeping quarters were meant to be practical more than comfortable and were definitely not designed with someone of Jake's six foot four, muscular frame in mind. He probably would be most comfortable in the small double bed alone.

"Thanks, see you around then." Jake said before grabbing his bag and turning back towards me.

"Trouble with your backpack again? Maybe we should get you a new one Ness." He said before eyeing the straps and checking them over for me.

"They're fine." I grumbled before picking it up and walking over to join Olivia while Seth and Leah checked in. I was technically registered as 19 year old Vanessa Wolfe (the name and age on my ID), and booked in a double room with bunk style beds with Leanne Lupo (Leah). Seth and Olivia were registered as Stephan and Lavinia Lupo, and were also staying in a suite. We thought it was best to try and avoid booking anything for Jake and I together, knowing that whoever was looking for me would assume I was with him. Our official story was that Jake and I were step brother and sister, travelling with our friends Stephan and Lavinia and their sister Leanne.

Jake was busy pointing out our location in the train car to both Seth and Leah on a map so that we could get accommodations as close to each other as possible by the time I reached Olivia.

"Did you and Jake have trouble checking in?" Olivia asked with concern as she took in my disgruntled expression.

"No, _Dani_ was very... helpful." I spat the flirtatious hostess's name as I spoke. Olivia raised her eyebrows and then glanced over at the others. Then she took a peek at Dani behind the booth, as did I, and caught her eyeing Jake, openly ogling him as she processed Leah's ticket. His back was turned, so he was none the wiser. Seth caught it though. Dani really seemed to be enjoying the view. She barely even looked at Leah as she checked her in, spending most of her time absent-mindedly filling out paperwork while looking at Jake. Seth rolled his eyes slightly and then glanced over to where Olivia and I were standing. When he processed the fact that I was literally trying to burn holes through _her_ with my eyes he leaned in and whispered something to Jake before grabbing the map and turning to talk to Leah. Seth was asking Dani something too, obviously trying to get her attention away from Jake for my sake.

When Seth whispered to him, Jake's expression had flitted from something near annoyed to surprised, before he turned to me and then it shifted to an amused smirk.

I rolled my eyes and tried to contain my blush, realizing I had just been "outed" for my fit of jealousy, as I turned to hear Olivia softly excusing herself to talk to Seth and make sure they were all checked in.

He strolled over to me casually, all the while keeping his eyes on my face, taking in both my blush and my irritation. When he finally reached me he was standing so close that I could feel the heat from his body and was enveloped in his comfortable and earthy scent. I had hung my head bit to stare at our shoes as he approached, feeling embarrassed over my rather strong feelings of jealousy towards that girl, especially considering Jake hadn't even noticed her throwing herself at him. He grabbed both of my hands in his and then used one set to tip my head back so that I was staring into his dark eyes. I was glad to see that he dropped the smirk. Although I knew it was a bit silly to be upset about some random girl throwing herself at him, I also knew he was nothing short of breathtaking in his fitted black t-shit, worn red plaid shirt unbuttoned over it and fitted, faded blue jeans. Despite the baggy plaid, you could see every muscle of his contoured chest and the flat, hard plane of his abs through his t-shirt. His short cropped dark hair framed his face, setting off his large dark eyes and gleaming white smile perfectly and he just looked so... well, _hot_ for lack of a better word.

_Oh God, _I thought, _I'm probably no better than _her_... I'm practically quoting Paris Hilton._

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," I said. I wished I could laugh it off, or make some kind of joke out of my reaction, but the truth was I was still simmering with jealousy and would probably not hesitate to yell, scream at or hit that girl if she came anywhere near him right now. I glanced over to where her booth was, and sure enough, she was looking over in our direction watching us as we stood there hand in hand. When she noticed I was watching she rolled her eyes and muttered 'oh please', before laughing lightly and turning to talk to her co-worker beside her. She didn't realize that with my extra abilities I could hear every word she was saying... and it wasn't pretty. My hackles rose and a low grumble resonated in my chest as I listened to their commentary about the scene across the room from them.

"Did you see the little red-head with him? She's obviously kidding herself. I mean what would a guy like that want with a _girl_ like her? She looks like she the poster girl for purity." Dani said, sneering at the word girl, making it sound like a dirty word and then scoffed at the end of her remark.

_Of course, _I thought, my head now spinning with the image of the two of us and how we looked to the rest of the world - _she's right. Next to him I am a girl. He's six foot four, all muscle and all man, and I'm... me – sweet, innocent-looking, sixteen-year old me. Of course it was noticeable. _My growl died off and my shoulders slumped a bit at the realization. Suddenly I felt very small.

The other girl snickered and replied "Don't worry honey, one look at what you've got to offer and he'll move past her so quickly her head will spin. I doubt she's got what it takes to keep a guy like him satisfied." They both laughed, their giggles drifting across the room like jabs, poking at me until I squirmed, and tried to break free of his grasp so I could get away from the humiliation of it all.

Jake's hands squeezed mine as he felt me try to pull away. He said my name softly, trying to get me to look at him, but I just couldn't right then. The idea that Jake had been missing out on things, _romantically_, by being so dedicated to me had crossed my mind before, but he never seemed to care much, so I didn't give it a lot of thought. But in that moment, after hearing all of that and knowing that it was probably true... I felt the weight of the insult hit me like a slap in the face. I couldn't look at him, he would know how upset I was, and then he would try to console me and make me feel better, and that just didn't feel right to me right now.

"Jake, please" I pleaded as I tugged at my hands again trying desperately to get free before the tears that were pooling in my eyes began to fall. He knew why I was upset, he'd heard what they said just as clearly as I did, and I did not want to deal with that right then, at the train station crowded with people, in front of Leah, Seth and Olivia... I just wanted to get out of there.

I yanked my hands back again, a bit more forcefully this time and grimaced as he held them fast. He was trying to talk to me, but I didn't want to listen. He thought he could tell me that she was wrong, that it didn't matter and that would make everything ok. But it wouldn't have. I didn't want to be reassured, it would feel patronizing. And I knew that.

"_Stop, _Jake." I said coolly and evenly, looking him squarely in the eye this time. "Let me go."

He dropped my hands as if they were hot irons, and took a giant step back, a look of shock mixed with fear written all over his face. I had never been harsh with him before... ever. He wore the same expression that someone who had just been unceremoniously slapped would wear. I guess that was probably how it felt, but I didn't have the where-with-all to feel guilty about it at that moment. I turned on my heel, and jogged toward the exit.

It was raining outside, the droplets falling down steadily, but not harshly. The water felt refreshing and I gulped in the air, trying to stop the tears that were now falling freely. My hands shook a bit, with both anger and anxiety. It was at this point that I started to chastise myself.

_Get a grip, Nessie. So some hostess/skank flirted with Jake. It's not like he reacted to it, or even noticed it for that matter. _I took another deep breath as I sat on the cement wall of the closest flowerbed and continued my internal dialogue, trying to make sense of the strong yet, knowingly, somewhat irrational surge of emotions that was making me act this way.

_I mean, she didn't say anything you didn't already know. Other girls – no _women -_ could definitely offer Jake a whole different experience romantically. It doesn't matter to him. He supposed to be with _you..._ you're supposed to be everything to him. _

I shook my head a bit as I wiped at my tears and let my hair fall down around me, creating a curtain between me and the rest of the world. I turned over my last thought in my head. Yes, I was supposed to be everything to him. I knew how the whole imprinting thing worked. His first and main concern has been, and always will be, me. It really didn't matter to him that I wasn't offering him what Dani or other girls like her could. But - as I was just coming to realize – it _did_ matter to me. I loved Jake. Without a doubt, I knew that I loved him with every fiber in my being. And when you love someone you don't want to just take their love, support and acceptance... you want to give some of yourself back to them too. And I wanted to do that with Jake. I wanted to love him back in every way he deserved to be loved – the way he had loved me from the day I was born.

I felt the air around me shift a bit and recognized Leah's scent as she sat down next to me. She didn't say anything, for which I was eternally grateful, just wrapped one arm around me as I sat and thought about things. I paid little attention to her as I continued to roll thoughts about my feelings toward our relationship, and how it was progressing, in my head.

I knew I wanted to love him, so much... but what did that mean to me? I loved to kiss him... and this morning at the motel was... amazing. Kissing him, touching him, feeling his skin against mine, him touching me the way he had... it ignited something in me that I was completely unfamiliar with - but it was incredible. It felt so good, I hadn't wanted to stop.

But, what more did I want?

I realized suddenly that I was hopelessly inexperienced and not even in a position to consider what I might or might not want to do for him, or with him. I doubted that anything I read in a book, magazine or watched on TV and in movies would give me a lot of insight into things either.

I lifted my head and growled lightly in frustration, to find Leah looking at me, eyebrows raised with a small and oddly sympathetic smile playing on her face.

"You know you have absolutely no reason to be jealous, don't you?" she said quietly and, again, I detected a bit of sympathy in her voice.

I huffed a sigh and looked out towards the parking lot without answering her question. I couldn't really agree or disagree with her at that point. I _was_ jealous, but now I recognized it for what kind of jealousy it was. I wasn't jealous of the girl for hitting on Jake. Okay, maybe initially that's what it was, but after hearing her snide conversation with her friend, that had changed, and I was deeply jealous over something else entirely. I was jealous of what she could do for him... that I couldn't. So, I felt as though I did have a reason to be jealous, just not the reason everyone else thought I had.

"Ness, you know none of that matters to him. He loves you, absolutely. You have nothing to worry about with him... ever." Leah said quietly. "I know a thing or two about jealousy, Ness, and I know how it can eat you up on the inside. I don't want to see my niece suffering when she has nothing to be worried about."

I rolled my eyes at the fact that she pulled the "niece card" on me. Leah only pulled that out when she was trying to give me some kind of advice that she thought I wouldn't take... like she was now. I mean, sure, her mom was married to my grandfather, and that made her, Seth and my mom step-siblings, but she couldn't really qualify herself as an aunt. We were friends, and family, but more like cousins or something.

But maybe she did have a point about knowing a thing or two about jealousy. I heard about what happened all those years ago with her, Sam and Emily. She was devastated, and jealousy must have been her middle name for quite a while. She was definitely right about one thing; I had no reason at all to be weary of the skanky hostess getting her claws into Jake. And if she was right about that... maybe she could help with other things.

I turned to face her and saw that her expression was open and the sympathy remained. People didn't get to see the soft side of Leah often; she kept it under wraps a lot. Having to keep up with the guys in the pack, she couldn't afford to come off as the sensitive girl. But when she did show it, she was sincere. I decided to confide in her. I took a deep breath and slowly told her about what I was really jealous of. I looked down at my shoes and fidgeted with my fingers, blushing and stumbling over my own words as I explained how I was jealous more of her experience and ability to do things with Jake than I was. I told her that I knew he wouldn't want to do those things with her. And then I blushed furiously as I admitted that I wanted to do some of the things she could do... with him, but had absolutely no clue about any of it.

She was quiet for a long time. So long that after a few minutes I lifted my head to see her face, curious to see what she thought of my confession of sorts. Her expression was neutral, but she was definitely deep in thought. I felt my brow crease a bit in confusion as she seemed to really be thinking seriously about what I said. About another minute passed before she turned to me and spoke with a quiet sincerity.

"Ok. You and I should talk about this... but not here and not now. Our train leaves in 15 minutes and we'll definitely need more than that to talk. Are you ok to go back inside?" she asked taking in my expression and trying to decide whether or not I was calm enough to go back in there. She smirked and cocked an eyebrow at me before continuing. "Jake's probably having an aneurism worrying about you right now."

I shook my head and smiled slightly. _And cue funny, tough Leah. Girlie moment over. _ I thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said getting to my feet. Leah rose and began walking back to the door. I touched her sleeve and she turned to face me expectantly.

"Thanks Leah." I said before smirking at her and continuing. "You're a good friend, you know, for being an old _aunt_ and all."

She just snorted, rolled her eyes and began walking back inside. I followed her and saw that she was heading back to where Jake, Seth and Olivia sat. Seth and Olivia were talking quietly, looking over a book of tourist attractions in Toronto.

I sighed, feeling guilty as I took in Jake's form. He was sitting on one of the lobby chairs, head in his hands, with his elbows on his knees staring at the floor. When Seth and Olivia saw me approach they quietly stood up and went to join Leah at the nearby vending machine. Jake's head snapped up as he felt them move. I was standing directly in front of him, just a foot or two away. He rose when he saw me, but didn't step closer to close the gap between us.

I sighed, realizing that I had practically pushed him away and run from him before I left to go outside. It shouldn't have been surprising to me that he was hesitant. I decided that that was one thing I could fix, though. I had hurt his feelings when I pulled away from him, it was written all over his face. He felt guilty for trying to hold me there when in all actuality he was trying to console me. I had been unfair pushing him away.

I stepped forward to close the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his waist, inhaling his scent and then sighing into his chest.

"Sorry," I said as he wrapped his arms around me gently "Would you forgive me if I told you it was the freaky half-vampire hormones that made me treat you so badly?"

He chuckled and gently squeezed me into him. I leaned back to see him smiling and much more at ease. "Nothing to forgive. I just wanted to help, but you have every right to have a minute or two to yourself every now and then. I get it. Don't worry." He leaned in then and placed a small kiss on my forehead.

I closed my eyes and sighed happily as I felt the small spark of fleeting heat that resulted from his lips against my forehead. I was surprised when the next thing I felt was his lips on my ear.

He whispered softly, "I love you. Only you. All of you."

I shivered lightly as his lips ghosted over my cheek and then pressed softly against mine. Warmth spread through me as he kissed me softly and slowly for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes. The world around us fell away again and it was only him and I. He never made a move to deepen the kiss, just captured my lips in his as I caught his in mine, softly, over and again, allowing the heat to radiate through me until I was warm and tingling with his love from my head to my toes.

"Alright lovebirds, break it up, we've got a train to catch." Leah interrupted. I broke away from Jake, giggling lightly and breathlessly as he chuckled and rolled his eyes at Leah. We broke apart just in time to see Dani walk by us, wheeling her Via Rail tagged luggage behind her, head held high. She shot a glance on our direction and I guessed by the look on her face that she had seen Jake and I kissing. Her expression was clearly annoyed, but I thought I could detect some disappointment in her eyes.

"Ready to go?" Jake said as he took my hand.

"Anywhere, anytime Mr. Wolfe." I replied teasingly and smiled as we gathered our bags, still holding hands and walked to join the others who were already starting to board the train.

~~~~~0000000~~~~~

I stood in the tiny washroom of our suite running a brush through the knots in my hair berating myself for staying out in the rain so long. My hair had dried quickly, but because of the wind had quite a few knots in it, not to mention the fact that it had gotten a bit frizzy. I gave up on making it do anything attractive, short of washing and restyling it I didn't really have any hope of bringing it back to life at that moment. So I grabbed a hair tie and pulled it into a smooth, low side ponytail at the nape of my neck so that it trailed down over my shoulder. I checked over my new outfit - a boat-necked teal blue, fitted, jersey-knit sweater dress and black leggings - before I headed out into our room to meet Jake. We were going to meet the others for dinner in the dining car in a few minutes.

I opened the door and glanced over to see Jake sitting on the bed a few feet away. He had changed his shirt and was now wearing a dark grey fitted button-down over the black t-shirt from earlier, still unbuttoned. He motioned for me to come and sit next to him, so I did. He smiled at me as I approached.

"I like your new dress," he said quietly before kissing me lightly on the lips. I blushed and looked down just as he placed a small wrapped package on my lap. "I got you something while we were shopping today."

I picked up the small package, admiring the pretty green paper and white bow before looking at him.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I said shyly. I was flattered that he had thought to buy me gift of some kind. It wasn't like we were celebrating anything.

"I know. I saw it and it reminded me of you."

I smiled as I pulled at the little ribbon-bow and watched it unravel. I tipped the paper sleeve over to slide a small white box out of the open end. Jake took the paper and the ribbon from me as I lifted the lid to the box. Inside there was a silver necklace, with a thin rope chain and an oval medallion. The medallion hung sideways, so the oval was wide, rather than long and it looked rough in texture, not shiny and smooth like the jewelry I had usually seen. In the centre of the oval was an etched heart with wings. I reached into the box and traced it with a finger, wanting to feel the texture of the medallion and the little heart.

"It's hand-made, so it's not as smooth as other jewelry, and it's one of a kind... just like you." Jake said as I touched the medallion.

I smiled and looked at him to see him waiting expectantly for me to say something about his gift. "It's beautiful Jake, I love it." I said and leaned in to kiss his cheek lightly.

He smiled his brilliant smile and then reached into the box to pick it up. "That's not all. There's an inscription on the back." He flipped it over and held it in front of me on his palm. I read the inscription and turned to look at him with questions in my eyes.

_Love Without Reservations_

It was sweet, but what did it mean?

He sighed and closed his palm around the necklace before turning to look me in the eye.

"Ness, I know things have been a little... awkward between us at times. And I want you to know that I understand that I've been a more than a little responsible for it. I think you can tell that I've been... holding back a bit, and I'm sorry about that. I love you, and I want you to know that I've decided not to hold back on you anymore. We have enough to worry about. The rest of the world just seems to keep getting in our way and I don't want to do that too. I just want to be with you... however you want me. No more holding back, no more reservations – just you and me."

He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on my lips as I blushed. I was mildly shocked with his admittance. I knew he was being cautious with me, and I hadn't really expected that to change. But, in light of my own new-found desires to be with him I was pleased, even though I still felt shy about it.

He shifted, crawling up behind me gently placing the necklace around my neck. He fastened it and I reached up to touch it with a light smile. It truly was the perfect gift.

I shivered as I felt him lean over and lightly kiss the back of my neck. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and closed my eyes as his hands began to ghost up and down my arms. He planted small, hot kisses down my neck and shoulder before folding his strong arms around me in a hug. My heart was beating wildly, and my breath had sped up a bit just from feeling his gentle touch. I was lost in it for a minute, just enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

A knock on our door, followed by Seth's voice asking us if we were ready to make our way down to the dining car, brought me back to my senses. Jake released me and climbed off the bed. When I opened my eyes I found him smiling softly at me, hand outstretched waiting for me to join him. I smiled back and hopped off the bed, taking his hand in mine and heading out of the door.

When we caught up with everyone in the dining hall I was pleased to find that we were sitting in a booth at the back, with glass partitions separating us from the rest of the diners. The dining car was almost empty, as we were eating late, and the train wasn't full for this trip. Seth and Olivia sat on one side while I slid in next to Leah and Jake was next to me on the end.

We were looking over menus and trying to figure out whether or not railway food would be any better than airline food when Olivia commented on my necklace.

"That's pretty Nessie," she said pointing to it "is it new?"

I nodded shyly. "Jake bought it for me today." I was holding his hand in mine under the table, so I gave a little squeeze. He surprised me be leaning in and giving me small kiss on the cheek.

I felt Leah nudge me and turned just in time to see her flash me a look that clearly said 'I told you so' before rolling my eyes and nodding at her in agreement.

"It's really nice. Is it handmade?" Olivia asked. I nodded and Jake explained the case full of handmade jewelry that he saw when they were shopping.

"If I had known you would have liked it that much I would have found something for you too," said Seth, looking over at her.

She smiled and shook her head. "You've given me the only piece of jewelry I ever wanted or needed from you already Seth," and then she squeezed his hand with the one she wore her engagement ring on.

He smiled and shook his head while the rest of us turned to look at our menus.

As we were finishing up dessert it was unanimously decided by the others at the table that railway food was definitely better than airline food. The train had a chef, and meals were cooked fresh, rather than reheated, frozen entrees like the airlines seemed to have. I just shrugged and rolled my eyes a bit. It all tasted pretty much like cardboard to me.

When we were officially done eating it was getting late. I was feeling a bit tired from running all afternoon and then from my emotional semi-breakdown earlier and began to yawn. Jake picked up on it and pulled me to his side, keeping his arm around my shoulder as he whispered in my ear.

"Tired?"

I nodded and yawned again.

He kissed the side of my head and turned to face the others.

"I think we're going to head off to our room," he said to Seth.

Seth nodded.

"It was a long day. I'm pretty tired too. You ready to turn in sweetheart?" he asked Olivia.

She nodded and then smiled at us before they climbed out of the booth.

"Well, I guess I'll go too," Leah said grumpily. Apparently she wasn't as eager to rest as the four of us were. "But Liv, Nessie, what do you say tomorrow we do something fun? Girls day in my room or something?"

Seth and Jake were stunned for a minute, a look of shock crossing both of their faces, eyes wide, mouths hanging slightly open. _Yes boys, _I thought, _Leah does actually do girlie things from time to time. Ok not that often, but she _is_ a girl! _I looked over at Leah to see her raise her eyebrows at me slightly and nodded, realizing that she was setting up time for her and I to talk. I was glad that she thought to invite Olivia. She and Seth seemed to have such a sweet and understanding relationship, she could probably offer up some good advice too.

After Olivia and I agreed to meet Leah tomorrow morning at eleven, and the boys picked their jaws up off the floor, we made our way back down the hall to our rooms. We quietly said goodnight to the others before heading to our room at the end of the hall.

My heart started beating quickly again as I realized that this was the first official night that Jake and I would be spending together. I was a bit apprehensive and excited all at the same time. I swallowed thickly as I opened the door. I flipped the light on and walked the few short feet it took to stand in front of the bed as Jake closed the door softly behind us. I turned to face him and he was looking at me with a small smile on his face. He cleared the space to me in a step and half and took my hands before leaning down to give me a small, quick kiss on the corner of my mouth.

"Did you want to shower or anything?" he said quietly.

I nodded and smiled up at him.

"Okay. I'll just brush my teeth and change quickly." Jake didn't need to shower because he already had. It was the first thing he did when we got here. He said he wanted to clean up for dinner after all of our running this afternoon.

He grabbed some pajamas from his bag and made his way to the small washroom. I heard him grumbling slightly about fitting in such a tight space. It was literally smaller than a closet, only about a three by three foot square. Toss in a toilet and a sink with a small vanity and that didn't leave much room for a guy like Jake to move around. I giggled lightly as I retrieved my own pajamas from my bag and then smiled. Olivia and I were joking about these when we got back to the parking lot at the mall today. We bought matching sets. Hers were pink and mine were cobalt blue. They were fitted tank and capri pant sets, but the best part about them was the small set of paw prints they had on the left hip. The prints were white and fuzzy. We had both snickered when we saw them, and then decided that they weren't too tacky or juvenile to buy and wear for our boys.

I was grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste when I heard the door open and Jake stepped out. He was wearing a fitted white t-shirt and dark grey cotton shorts. I couldn't help but notice his shape, they very lines of his sculpted frame were beautiful, mesmerizing. They were fluid when they moved, sharp and hard meeting the warmth and softness of his skin. I lowered my eyes to the floor as I shivered and made my way in to take a shower, quietly mumbling to him that I wouldn't be long.

I freed my hair of its confines in the tie and then rid myself of my clothes as the water from the shower was warming up. I cranked it up to full heat, not wanting to crawl in bed next to Jake with cold skin.

_Gah! Crawl in bed next to Jake! Oh. My. God. _

I did my best not to panic or get overly excited. I didn't want my heart to beat half-way out of my chest and alert Jake to the fact that I was so affected by the thought of sharing a bed with him. He would probably misconstrue it as nerves... and then he might leave me alone. And I couldn't have that. I needed him. Everything else aside, I did _not_ want to have another nightmare tonight. Especially here, on the train, in such close proximity to everyone else. What if I woke up screaming again? What if it was the same one from the other day... or worse? They would all hear me... the walls weren't that thick. I shuddered lightly at the thought of the horrific images invading my mind and at the embarrassment that I was likely to have about waking up screaming and shaking. I didn't want to do that again – ever. Then it occurred to me that my nerves about spending the night with Jake were a bit silly. Jake was spending the night with me to help me sleep, to make me feel safe and be there for me if the nightmares returned. That's what I needed to focus on. The rest was... well it was a possibility. And we would cross that bridge when or if we came to it.

I quickly washed and spent a bit of extra time conditioning my hair because it was still knotted from earlier today. As I finished the shower I noticed that my heart rate had returned to normal. I smiled to myself, proud that I had avoided another possible emotional over-reaction and stepped out. I dried myself off quickly and slipped into my pajamas before rubbing a towel over my hair and brushing it. I checked myself over in the mirror and smirked when I saw the adorable little paw prints settled on my left hip.

_Well_, _here goes nothing,_ I said to myself as I opened the door to join Jake.

He was lying on the bed on top of the covers on his back, eyes closed, hands behind his head. His eyes fluttered open and drifted over to me when I closed the bathroom door behind me. The room was lit by the small, dim bedside lamp.

His eyes ran over me quickly from my head down to my waist and stopped when they reached my hips. His lips quirked up into a half smile and he began chuckling and shaking his head. I smiled back at him and walked over to the bed. I lay down on my side facing him, so that the paw prints were still exposed on my outer hip.

His laughter subsided a bit and he slowly reached over to place a hand over the paw prints. His hand dwarfed the prints, covering them easily under his palm. He rested his hand there for a minute as out laughter died out and then all that was left was the sound of our breathing. His eyes were on trained on the hand on my hip. Slowly, he began to make circles with his thumb, brushing over my hipbone and the side of my belly lightly. I shivered and closed my eyes as my breath sped, my body loving the feeling of his hand on me.

I felt the bed shift as he moved closer to me. I could feel his breath on my face, his warm, earthy vanilla scent mixed with the mint of his toothpaste. I didn't open my eyes or move. Just let his breath wash over me. I inhaled it like a drug, breathing it in to my very core. My body responded to it instinctively. I felt my skin begin to flush, my breath sped and my heart began to drum a fleeting and quick beat.

Using the hand on my hip to pull me closer he brought me to him and kissed me. His lips were soft against mine, but serious, not hesitant or careful just... wanting. I huffed out a breath combined with a whimper as I began to kiss him back. Our mouths opened relenting to each other in perfect synchronicity, and our tongues mingled in a dance that was both slow but persistent and somehow urgent, all at the same time. My fingertips began to roam up and down his back, as my lips moved to his perfect, square jaw and then down his throat.

He leaned into my body lightly as I kissed his neck. I made my way up to a spot that I always found to be sensitive when he kissed me - the place just below his ear - and then I captured his earlobe in my mouth, gently pulling it between my lips. A low moan escaped his lips, which caused me to pull back a bit and whimper as I felt the same warmth from earlier this morning ignite in my lower belly. My entire body was thrumming with heat, my heart pumping and radiating simmering hot blood to every limb, every pore of my skin.

I pressed myself closer to him, kissing his lips again, causing the heat to intensify. I felt the most pleasurable burn where his body came into contact with mine. I imagined it would be similar to the sensation humans had when stepping into a hot bath. Warmth, comfort, heat, soothing... but instead of relaxing me, it was exciting me.

He leaned in further until I was lying flat on the bed and he was above me, one leg between mine. His hand began to rub up and down my side again in a way I recognized and suddenly my body was aching for him to touch me the way he had this morning. My back began to arch a bit as he kissed my neck, giving away my need for his touch. His arm stilled as did his kisses, and just when I was about to protest him pulling away, he slid his palm up and cupped my breast in his hand. His head fell to my forehead and he moaned again, not as low or quietly as he did last time while I gasped and arched my back into him.

"Baby... you are so, so beautiful," I heard Jake whisper to me just before his lips captured mine again softly, but urgently, pulling and nipping as he began to lightly knead my breast. I felt a moan escape my own lips involuntarily as he touched me. My head was clouded with an ever growing and consuming desire for him to touch me and... for me to touch him. I quickly slipped my hands under the hem of his shirt, pulling it up, exposing his back. He leaned back slightly and pulled the shirt the rest of the way over his head before looking at me. I gasped his name in a whisper as I stared into his eyes and found them to be dark and hooded with desire.

Deliberately this time I raised my hands to chest and slowly lowered my palms to him, never taking my eyes off his as I showed him my own desire. His eyes closed and his head fell as a small shudder rippled through him, and then in an instant he was kissing me and touching me again. There was a significant change this time though... or at least it felt significantly different to me. Instead of resting off toward my side he leaned a much great portion of his weight onto me, and his hips... _ohhh_, his hips, were situated in a way that lined him up with the very same parts of me that were beginning to blaze with heat and... oddly enough, a strangely comfortable, warm dampness.

I kissed him furtively as my hands roamed over the hard planes of his chest and his did the same to mine. Without ever consciously telling them to, my hips began to move and press up into his.

He gasped and then moaned my name as I came into contact with his arousal. I froze momentarily, thinking that he would probably want to stop. I was, however, unprepared for his reaction this time.

He kissed me hard ... and he pressed back.

_Oh my god. _

And I liked it.

_More._

I whimpered and moaned and we touched and kissed and pressed into each other, finding a rhythm together easily. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that this felt too good... way too good. We weren't even..., but it was still... _oh God.., it was SO..._

Suddenly I felt the muscles in my belly begin to tighten... not in a bad way, but in a deliciously good way, like the pleasure and the heat had all gathered together and were building in tandem with each other... feeding off of each other.

I gasped and pressed into him harder, my head falling to his shoulder as he whispered in my ear that he loved me. My breathing was ragged and my heart was flying, strumming so quickly I could barely discern one beat from the next as the pressure built and the heat radiated down from my belly and into the core of my body was pressing against him.

He groaned and pulled back glancing briefly between us, looking at where our bodies were pressed together when I realized that my palms were still flat against his chest and he could clearly understand everything that was happening to me. My hands shook a bit in fear and desperation, not wanting to stop, but knowing I would if that's what he wanted. But I really hoped he didn't.

He processed my thought and then looked straight into my eyes, shook his head minutely and leaned in to kiss me.

As he kissed me he shifted again, bringing both of his legs between mine. He wrapped one arm around my back, running his hand up into my hair while the other continued to knead my breast. I shifted my hips into him again, desperate for the contact we had before and gasped in surprise. I shivered with pleasure from head to toe when my body met his. It was as if the heat and the fire pooling between my legs grew exponentially... it tingled and burned, hot pleasure and desire radiating through my body and then back to that ever building cluster in my lower belly.

I shifted again.

He shifted back_... "Ohhhhhhhh."_ I moaned quietly but desperately.

I shifted again..._he shifted with me._

"_Ohhhhhhhhh... Jake."_

He grunted a moan and kissed my neck.

_We shifted again and... Oh... My... God..._

My head bowed forward, pressing hard into his shoulder as every single muscle in by body contracted and was pulled into my centre. The delicious, flowing, warmth and heat drained from the rest of my body and pooled in my belly and between my legs.

_We shifted again – _

I gasped "_JAKE!"_

The heat combusted into a supernova, radiating waves of heat from the very core of my being out to the tips of my fingers and toes and every hair on my head. My body shook with the force of it and I clung to him.

He pulled me to him in a tight embrace, alternating between kissing me lightly and telling me he loved me and how beautiful I was again and again as my body came back down from its high.

My head fell back to the pillow as my body suddenly went from feeling tight, hot and wound up to blissfully cool and relaxed.

Jake rolled off to my side again and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to lie on my side next to him. I curled into him needing to stay near him. Somewhere in the next few minutes, between the quiet rumble of the train moving below us and the rhythm of his breath I was lulled into a peaceful sleep.

**Things are definitely heating up with these two! We get a little peek into Jake's mind during the 'supernova' next chapter. See you then.**

**~H**


	27. World on Fire

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own hot, bright supernovas… ;-)**

**Chapter 27 – World on Fire**

**JPOV**

The train rumbled lightly as it moved below me. I heard the shower running and decided to wait for her on the bed. It's not like there was much of an option, it was either that or the two and a half foot wide walkway surrounding it. The "suite" was small, to say the least... but at least the double bed was a decent size. It looked closer to a queen than an actual double, and for that I was grateful. I glanced around, finding the overhead light switch and turned it off before reaching for the switch on the beside lamp.

I could hear her heart racing as she stepped into the shower. I shook my head and smiled slightly as I climbed on the bed and laid back, arms folded behind my head. I could relate to that. She wasn't the only one whose heart was beating faster than normal. But I couldn't help but wonder if it was for different reasons.

I wasn't exaggerating when I spoke to her earlier. When I gave her that necklace I gave her my word that I wasn't going to hold back anymore, because I knew it was hurting us, and I meant it. We needed to see where things would go if we just let ourselves be together. After my conversation with Seth I'd had a lot of time to think on our run to the city before making it to the railway station. I decided he was right. I would let Nessie take the lead and show me what she was ready for. I would trust her to know her own limits, and I would trust her to respect mine.

My heart was quickening in response to my own excitement... the question in my mind was whether or not hers had sped up for the same reason.

I was curious, if not a little nervous, to explore and see what her limitations would be. I knew that she had no experience. Neither did I for that matter, really. But being a member of a pack of wolves, who did have experience and whose thought I shared, had its advantages – or disadvantages, depending on how you looked at it. Getting to hear and see their thoughts and experiences was sometimes uncomfortable but, I had to admit, it was also educational. It was common for people's minds to wander back to their significant others, and the guys I knew were no exception to that rule. The only one who seemed to be able to block out their romantic thoughts easily was Leah. I could see why. When she did slip it was usually painful, memories of her past with Sam, and a reminder of the fact that she was alone.

I sighed and felt my brows furrow as I thought about the best way to allow Nessie to take the lead. She was shy, and nervous when it came to being physically affectionate. But did that mean she wasn't ready? I didn't think so... especially not after the last twenty-four hours. I had a theory that she was just having trouble initiating things, because she felt like she didn't know what she was doing.

I smirked and shook my head as I thought about her actually putting effort into being seductive. She was so... alluring as it was. She was attractive without even trying. She had captivated me, and several others tonight, easily. I thought about how beautiful she looked earlier that night, in her new dress and leggings. It was a fairly simple outfit, one that I'd seen many girls wearing lately, but none of them wore it quite like she did. The sweater dress (as she called it) was a medium blue-grey, that set off her light, smooth, peach tinged skin and her copper hair perfectly. Her hair was draped over one shoulder, caught in a low pony-tail, exposing her long, graceful neck. She wore no make-up, just a hint of lip gloss on her full pink lips. Her large brown eyes sparkled under her long lashes, quietly demanding the attention of anyone lucky enough to gaze their way. The dress clung to her softly, the fabric draping over her curves, moving with them as she moved.

And those curves... _those curves were perfect._ She was thin, but not overly so, and her shape reflected that fact. Her legs were long and lean and seemed to go on for miles in the black leggings before the fabric of the sweater-dress covered the top half of her thighs. The fabric curved out to reveal the slight roundness of her hips, and then the shape of the dress flowed in to her tiny waist, over her flat tummy and ribs and then out again, just slightly more than her hips, over the curves of her breasts. Her movements were graceful, as always, and the dress flowed and moved with her, swaying back and forth at her hips as she walked. It was mesmerizing to watch.

Every male within sight of her tonight took a moment to appreciate it - a fact that had not gone unnoticed by me. I kept her hand firmly in my grasp as we maneuvered through the halls and down the walkway in the center of the dining cart... a silent warning to all those that were appreciating the view that she was not available. I was glad when she slid into the booth next to Leah, allowing me to slide in on the end, effectively cutting off the view for all of the others. I kept in constant contact with her, either holding her hand, putting my arm around her shoulders, and once even kissing her on the cheek, all signs to the rest of the on-lookers. I swear I even saw one of two of them shaking their head in disappointment.

That was why it bothered me so much when she pulled away from me at the train station earlier that day. I had been trying to explain to her that I understood, that I knew just how badly it felt to have someone wanting the one you're with, because I had to deal with it all the time. But she didn't want to hear it. She actually got angry with me for trying to console her. But she didn't know, she _must_ not have known... that no matter where we went or what she was wearing or doing, men constantly had their eyes on Renesmee. She had classic, natural and graceful beauty combined with a shock of fiery copper curls, an amazing figure, her eyes, her lips, her heart-shaped face... she was captivating.

Within the past year or so she had been getting more and more attention. It was difficult for me, even before we began dating, to deal with it. Men had no shame and would simply ogle her, completely unaware of the fact that she was only 15 or 16 - because she certainly didn't look it. She may dress a bit simply, but no matter what she wore, she couldn't hide that figure - it was not the figure of a budding teenager. I had to restrain myself many times over the last few weeks, because, if anything, it had only gotten worse since we began dating. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was on someone's arm, or the fact that everything she had been through had changed her a bit, made her stand a bit taller and give off the impression that she was older than she was. Either way, guys in general had been eyeing her everywhere, the owner of the motel, men in the parking lot of the shopping mall, the clerk at the rest stop we stopped at during our run for Olivia, even in the train station this afternoon. And _she _was jealous of that obnoxious Via-Rail girl. I snorted and shook my head. If she only knew...

The water shut off and Nessie stepped out of the shower. I heard rustling as she towel dried her hair a bit and then dressed. I took a couple of deep breaths and closed my eyes to relax myself before she stepped through the door and into our room.

_Hmmm, __**our**__ room._ I liked the sound of that.

As she opened the door I caught a whiff of her scent, amplified by the heat and moisture of her hot shower. The scent of sweet peaches and honey, mixed with soft undefined comforting aromas that reminded me in combination, as it always did, of home baked peach cobbler wafted toward me. I let my eyes flutter open and was greeted by a most heavenly sight. Her long hair was dark with it's wetness, brushed smooth and flowing down her back. Her skin was slightly flushed and damp from her hot shower. I started at her head as I looked her over and was please to see, when I got to her long neck, that she was still wearing my gift.

My eyes wandered down slowly to her pajamas. Her blue tank top clung to her like a second skin and for a moment, it crossed my mind that that was exactly what it was... because she didn't appear to be wearing anything else underneath it.

_Holy shit._

I forced my eyes down further to the curve of her waist and then over her hips – where I stopped and felt the corner of my mouth quirk up into a half-smile before chuckling at the sight before me. On the corner of her shirt, right above her hip, were two small, white fuzzy paw-prints. She was wearing pajamas with dog paw prints on them – it was a bit silly, but cute.

She made her way onto the bed and lay down facing me, laughing at her own little joke and my reaction to it. I reached over and placed my hand over the paw prints, feeling their fuzzy texture as we laughed. Something changed the moment I placed my hand on the swell of her hip. I felt the heat in my palm and it quickly radiated up through my arm. Our laughter died out as I began to trace circles on her hip with my thumb. Her pajama pants were just as fitted as her shirt and left very little to the imagination... they immediately brought my mind back to her shape and curves tonight in that dress.

She closed her eyes and shivered and I took that as my cue that she was feeling the same connection I was. I slid closer to her. Her skin began to flush, her breathing sped and her heart took off, flying in anticipation as we lay inches apart, just breathing in each other's scents. And then I knew I couldn't wait anymore. I had waited long enough. I needed to be with her, however she wanted me. I used the hand on her hip to pull her to me and kissed her, gently, pouring out every ounce of want and need in me. I didn't want to scare her, but I needed her to know how badly I wanted this... how badly I wanted _her_.

We kissed passionately, our mouths and tongues moving like they were made to do that together. I felt her fingertips begin to roam up and down my back, leaving fiery hot trails in their wake. She broke away from my mouth and began kissing my jaw lightly before moving down to my neck in a way that I had done for her before. She surprised me when she made it back up to the spot below my ear, kissing it firmly and deliberately... before she shocked me by taking my earlobe in her mouth and sucking it gently between her soft lips. The sensations caused by that one little action were enough to make my already hard erection firmer, and a low moan escape my throat. She whimpered and pulled back slightly when I moaned, but not in a bad way... in a way that made me want to make her do it again, and again, and again.

I leaned into her heat, my body craving contact with hers, my flesh and blood immediately responding hotly as I kissed her until she was lying flat on the bed, with most of my weight on her, one leg cradled between her thighs. I kissed her neck as she had done for me, tasting her as my tongue flicked out lightly over her skin. She tasted like she smelled, like warm peach cobbler, with a touch of salt from the sweat that was beginning to surface. It was indescribably good... and in that moment I had a new desire to consume her.

I felt her back arch into me, and inwardly, the lust driven 23 year old in me was rejoicing... it was the same motion she made this morning when I touched her breast. I had tried hard all day not to focus on the feeling of her in the palm of my hands, but it was nothing short of amazing to hold her like that. And I wanted to do it again. So I made a couple of quick passes, up and down her side, just like I had this morning to prepare her. I paused a bit, just below where I wanted to be, giving her the chance to say no if she wanted to. I waited, pausing our kisses, giving her every opportunity to change her mind... but she didn't. So I did it. I slid my hand up and cupped her breast firmly, loving the feel of her in my hands. She fit there perfectly, as if designed for me. My head fell forward to meet hers as I looked down at her under me, breathless, flushed and just gorgeous in her arousal.

"Baby... you are so, so beautiful." I told her. And I hoped she knew that I meant it. She was like an angel, lying beneath me, quivering and moaning under my touch as I softly kneaded her in my hand. I felt her hands snake up under the hem of my shirt, pulling it up as far as it would go. I leaned back and took it off, flinging it over to the side of the bed and then took a second to take her in. She was breathtaking and beautiful and I wanted with every bone in my body just to take her and make her _mine_.

I decided to take a couple of deep breaths... to control the lust that was quickly escalating – too quickly.

She gasped my name as I stared at her, taking in my lustful expression. When she said my name like that, it awakened something in me - something primal and territorial. It was confirmation that _I_ was the one making her feel that way, that she was breathless and full of desire for _me_.

And then she slid her hands up to my chest.

Slowly, confidently and deliberately she lowered her palms to me.

My eyes closed and my body shuddered with the wave of heat, lust and desire that rocked through me at the sight of the vision she shared. Her thoughts, her _needs _were strong... almost as strong as mine. Her vision of us, our bodies tangled together, was fuelled with bright shades of orange and red, like flames licking up and over us, consuming us. It was an image of desire. She may not have known exactly how to express it, but there was no mistaking what she wanted. My body and blood were instantly on fire, wanting - no _needing_ - nothing other than to make her feel good, feel more.

I flung myself onto her, kissing her lips and shifting my body so that my hips lined up with her heated core. Her hands roamed over my chest, lightly washing over it with pleasurable waves of warmth as I kissed her. And then suddenly, she shifted her hips into me, coming into direct contact with my hard and aching erection.

I gasped loudly at the wave of sheer pleasure from the contact.

"Nessie," I said, though it came out as a moan. I had no idea if she had meant to do that, it didn't seem deliberate in her thoughts. But the reaction to it in her thoughts was scorchingly obvious. The intensity of the heat in her visions doubled - the colours deepened all in an instant.

I kissed her with everything I had, letting her know that I felt it too. Remembering from this morning how hard it was for her not to know how I was feeling. And then I confirmed it in the best way that I could.

I shifted into her, the same way she did to me.

I was having a difficult time keeping up with her thoughts after that. She sent me bursts and flashes of deep burning reds and oranges, laced with ribbons of deep amber gold. The one thing that did register, above all else, was her only deliberate request –

_More_.

I responded instinctively at this point, and so did she. We shifted and ground ourselves together, in perfect synchronicity. She whimpered and her breathing became more laboured with every shift, roll or grind of our hips.

Suddenly, I felt a shift in her vision. The colours began to swirl together and gather in the middle creating a rolling, fluid ball of deep, rich warm colour. The strands of gold brightened and intensified. She began shifting harder, looking for more friction. I felt her entire body tense and her head lift to press firmly into my shoulder. I turned to whisper that I loved her in her ear as she pressed harder into me.

I took a moment to pull back and glance down at her, from her face, flushed and beautiful, down to the spot where we were pushing ourselves together. I groaned aloud as I realized what was happening. She was going to come. I didn't know if she ever had before, but from the feeling of pleasant surprise that went along with her visions at every new sensation, I had a feeling this was a first for her.

And I was suddenly determined to make it as pleasurable as possible.

I felt her hands tremble and her thoughts briefly shifted to fear and intense disappointment that I might want to stop. But there was no way I was stopping now. I was curious and eager to give this to her. She deserved to feel good. The thought of bringing her over the edge, witnessing her come apart like that, for _me_, was too appealing to ignore.

I looked straight into her hooded and pleading eyes and shook my head. No, I was definitely not stopping now.

With my new goal in mind I leaned in and kissed her slowly and deeply as I changed my position so that both of my legs were between hers. I wrapped my arm around her back, pulling her hips up to mine and slid my hand up into her hair. My other hand was still on her breast, gently kneading.

I felt her shift into me, and then she gasped and shivered all over after coming in full contact with my length. The ball in her vision blazed, lighting up as if I took match to it. It began to pulse and contract as I felt the heat in her core increase against me.

She shifted into me again and moaned low and soft. It was the single most erotic sound I had ever heard.

And I wanted to hear it again - because she was making it for _me._

Something primal and territorial over took my thoughts as I processed this… the only word I could think of to describe how I was feeling was_ - mine._

So the next time she ground against me, I pushed back.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any sexier, she moaned again, a long 'Ooooooo'... but what drove me crazy, igniting passion in me with an intensity I had never before experienced, was when she moaned my name directly after that.

I felt a moan of my own bubbling from deep within me, but it came out grunted and strangled with the effort I was now making to control my own desire to take this further. Tonight was about her. I focused on my goal of providing her with the single most pleasurable and sensual experience of her life, so far.

But there would be more. Because after tonight I knew this was just the beginning.

We ground together again, and I felt her entire body contract. Her legs bent up at her knees around me, her head ground into my shoulder and her entire mid section contracted inwards. I knew she was close. The burning, pulsing ball of a vision flashed dimly and burned now entirely a bright molten gold.

We shifted together again – _and then the world was on fire_.

She gasped my name out as her body contracted and she grabbed onto me. Her entire body was shaking and quivering with the force of her orgasm. I saw the ball of colour flash brightly and then explode, almost blinding me briefly in its intensity.

I lit up with her, the blood beneath my skin was burning, flowing, simmering through my veins.

I looked down at her briefly – and she was glorious. She was glowing, her skin flushed with a pale pink, a light sheen of sweat covering her face, her eyes closed tightly, lips parted in a tiny 'O'. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. In that moment I saw her clearly for the beautiful woman she was.

"You're so beautiful baby, I wish you could see what I see right now." I whispered to her as I pulled her tightly to me. I told her I loved her and tried my best to describe the beautiful sight before me so she would know exactly how good I felt about being with her this way, doing this with her, for her, tonight.

Her body relaxed and her head fell to the pillow in peaceful exhaustion. Her visions had shifted to a river of peaceful, cool blue. I rolled to my side and draped my arm around her waist pulling her to me as she fell asleep.

As I lay in bed beside her, I stroked her hair with my hand. I was reeling and trying my best to calm my body down without any release. I was glad that she seemed to drift off into a hard sleep right away, because I was certain it was going to take me long time to calm back down. But it was worth it. Every second of seeing her, hearing her and feeling her enjoy such intense pleasure was a reward all in itself. To know that _I_ had been able to give that to her, was intensely gratifying.

I kissed her head lightly and closed my eyes, focusing on the rhythm of the train rolling over the tracks, willing my body to calm and fall asleep. I stayed like that a long time, just holding her, focusing on the feel of her – warm, delicate and beautiful in my arms, before I finally drifted off to sleep.

~~~~0000~~~~

When I woke the next morning I noticed her absence immediately. My arms felt empty and oddly cold without her. I shook my head, realizing the strange familiarity of having her there seemed to creep up on me over night. It was natural for her to be there with me, cradled against me, and now, suddenly it was awkward without her.

I shifted to sit up and noticed a note on piece of Via Rail stationary sitting on the bed with her writing on it.

_Jake,_

_You were sleeping peacefully, and I didn't want to wake you. Leah and Olivia came to get me for our girls' day. Apparently we really are making a day of it, so I won't see you again until supper. Seth said he'd be in the sky car with a deck of cards if you wanted to join him._

_Last night was... indescribable._

_I love you._

_Nessie_

I shook my head and chuckled, wondering exactly what the girls were going to do holed up in Leah's room all day. I doubted whether Leah had enough "girlie experiences" in her repertoire to share. But who was I to judge. I stretched as I got off the bed, feeling a little stiff from being cramped on a small bed last night. It wasn't long enough and if I stretched out my feet hung over the end.

I headed over to the shower, washed and dressed, quickly flying through my morning routine and then headed out to meet Seth.

I walked down to the sky car to find him sitting in one of the booths, stretching out his long legs. None of the seating in any public transportation vehicles was ever comfortable for us. He was listening to his iPod and playing a game of solitaire.

I sat, opposite from him and stretched my own legs out across the bench. Seth looked up and grinned at me before taking out his ear buds and laying down another card.

"You slept in. Did you have a nice night?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips. His expression was smug, and he was trying really hard to contain a snicker.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"Nothing," he said a little too innocently and then turned back to his cards. His expression was still the same and it bothered me. What could possibly have him all smirking and smug and just fucking irritating right now?

I sighed and reached my hand out to pluck the card he was about to play from his hands. He looked up and grinned at me while I raised my eyebrows at him, daring him with my eyes to spill whatever it was so we could go on with our day without the girls.

"So... uhhh, I guess you took my advice?" he said, but it came out more as a statement than a question.

And then it hit me. Our rooms were right next to each other. Seth had probably overheard us last night.

I groaned and rubbed my forehead with my hand as Seth began laughing heartily at my expression. Of course, he heard everything.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed the show." I muttered under my breath.

He snickered and then muttered "Nessie sure seemed to," before snickering again.

I growled, pissed that he thought it was funny to intrude on our first night together like that, and then make jokes about it afterward. The card in my hand crumpled as I glared at him across the small table. He was lucky we were locked inside a moving train car with witnesses, or I'd have his smug ass on the ground in a second.

He held up his hands and backed away a bit, eyebrows shooting up and smile fading.

"Relax Jake," he said calmly, "I wasn't purposefully spying on you guys... it was kind of hard not to hear. Besides, you know as well as I do that that kind of stuff rarely stays private with us." His head fell forward a bit as he cocked an eyebrow at me expectantly, waiting for me calm down.

And damn him if he didn't have a point, and I knew it. Still, he didn't have to be an ass about it. That wasn't his style, and I told him as much.

"I wasn't trying to be a jerk Jake. I just thought you might want to talk about it." Seth said. He was answering me honestly, I could hear it in the tone of his voice. I shook my head and decided that I was probably overreacting a bit. And he was right, I guess I had to get used to it, but I knew at that moment that I would try my hardest to keep those thoughts out of my mind when I was in wolf form. I didn't like other people knowing what went on between us like that. It was private and should be kept between us.

Seth began to deal a hand of poker. He had a large bag of sunflower seeds that we used instead of chips. We played in comfortable silence, and as we did my mind naturally began to wander back to last night. I chuckled under my breath remembering Nessie's pajamas from last night.

"What so funny?" Seth asked as he laid down his full house and took the seeds from the pot.

I thought for a moment and decided that it was safe to share this one piece of last night with him. He'd probably get a kick out of it. "Nessie had these pajamas last night... with paw prints on them. They were ridiculous and adorable all at the same time."

Seth chuckled and hung his head. "I guess we know what they were giggling about on the way out to the parking lot at the mall yesterday. Olivia wore a pink set last night. Tight tank top and capri pants right?"

I nodded and chuckled right along with him.

"They were cute though... and I don't know, I kind of liked her all decked out in paw prints for me." Seth said with a wry smile.

I nodded, indicating that I understood exactly what he meant about that. It was a bit appealing for me too, to see her wear something close to a mark that represented me on her body.

We went back to our game of cards then and wasted the rest of the day chatting easily, making plans for scouting out a place to stay in Toronto and wondering what the girls could possibly be up to all day, shut in Leah's room. The possibilities were endless, and most of them had us doubled over in laughter as we tried to picture Leah hanging out with Olivia and Nessie, painting each other's nails and curling each other's hair.

**Hmmmm, I love a possessive Jake. And he was worried about Nessie's jealousy, lol. **

**I think I need me a pair of paw print pyjamas **


	28. Just a Chance

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's possessiveness and Nessie's pain in this chapter.**

**Chapter 28 – Just a Chance**

**JPOV**

_What. The. FUCK! _I thought, my anger simmering in my blood under my skin as I looked back at the douche bag who had NO idea who he had just messed with.

I glanced over at Seth, who was glaring back in thesame direction I had been looking. Olivia and Leah both wore matching looks of disgust and were shaking their heads lightly. I tightened my grip on Nessie's hand and shifted our position so that she was walking in front of me and I was completely blocking her from that disgusting low-life and his wandering eyes.

I growled lightly under my breath and Nessie turned her head slightly to throw me a questioning glance. I just shook my head and threw her half-smile that probably came out more as a half-grimace and indicated for her to keep walking back to our room. I wanted to get her back there as quickly as possible.

I shook my head as this evening's events replayed themselves in my mind and fought hard to keep the tremors that threatened to shake my form at bay.

When Nessie returned from her girl's day tonight I had to do a double take. The girls told us that they would be meeting us in the dining car for supper. When they arrived, Nessie was the first one through the door. She looked so different. Still her, but amazing and just incredibly – _hot_. She had dressed in what was possibly the world's tightest fitting pair of black jeans and a soft light-green sweater that fit her like a second skin. The sleeves came down just past her elbows, the neckline scooped down just enough to show off a hint of cleavage. The sweater shaped itself around her chest and flowed smoothly over her small waist. Its hemline stopped just below the swell of her ass, clinging to it and showing it off, along with the shape of her hips. She wore a pair of chunky black heels, that did incredible things to the shape of her legs and the way she walked in those jeans. She had straightened her hair, something I had never seen her do before. It was longer like that, coming down almost to her waist and incredibly shiny and soft looking. It framed her face really well and drew more attention to her pouty pink lips and wide chocolate brown eyes. I liked it – a lot. There was just something about her losing those trademark curls from her childhood that spoke volumes to me. I guess it had something to do with all of the changes were going on and the fact that this was definitely a more mature look for her. I smiled at her as I shifted slightly in my seat, suddenly extremely thankful for the fact that I had chosen to wear jeans tonight, knowing that I would soon be getting up to let her slide into the booth. If I hadn't of been wearing jeans my reaction to the way she looked tonight would have been obvious to everyone in the dining car.

It wasn't like the outfit was racy or really revealing. Aside from the fact that it was really tight, like _all over_, it was actually a bit modest. But the way she wore it over her curves and the way she walked in those heels to meet us in the dining car caused more than a few heads to turn and I even caught one or two of those guys shifting in their seats just as I had. I tensed, feeling protective of her immediately, until I finally glanced behind her and noticed Olivia and Leah. What I saw made me relax just a bit. Apparently all three of the girls decided to put some extra effort into getting ready for dinner tonight. Olivia was wearing an outfit similar to Nessie's from the night before, but in a light ice blue that made her bright blue eyes stand out against her pale skin and in stark contrast to her long, black hair. She was petite, and slender, not quite as curvy as Renesmee, but the outfit was very flattering on her. My mouth turned up into a small smirk, taking in Leah in her tight, dark blue jeans, fitted black shirt and ballet flats. Her hair was pulled back into a low, tight ponytail and she had actually worn a tiny bit of make-up. If I didn't know what a pain-in-the-ass she was, I might have actually thought she was pretty hot too. Maybe. Ok probably not. It was hard to think of someone who was like a sister to you in that way.

The three ladies were getting a lot of attention as they made their way from the opposite end of the car to us. That's when I noticed one douche bag with red hair and dark eyes eyeing Nessie like she was a piece of meat. He was flexing his arm muscles a bit, trying to get her to notice him I think. He was kind of built, but he had nothing on me or Seth. He must have thought she was looking at him, because he was sitting in a table close to our booth and right in the line of sight between her and I. I rolled my eyes inwardly and got up as the girls approached. When Nessie passed his table I noticed him sneaking a more than obvious peek at her ass. I was suddenly very glad that the sweater was long enough to hide it.

I kissed her lightly on the cheek and told her she looked beautiful before she slid into the bench and I sat down beside her. The douche scowled and looked me over, sizing me up a bit, and I grinned back at him, doing a tiny bit of muscle flexing of my own, trying my best not be obvious about it. He returned his attention to his dinner and we settled into ordering our food for the evening.

Dinner was great, just as it had been the night before. I noticed Nessie grimace a bit as the rest of us were talking about how good the pork tenderloin was. She hated human food and it had been a very long time since we had last hunted – almost two months now. I could tell it was beginning to wear on her. I made a mental note to ask one of the servers to locate some hot sauce for us so that she could at least use that with dinner tomorrow night.

Dinner was nice, everyone seemed to be relaxed and having a good time. Nessie was laughing a lot and seemed really different tonight, even in her demeanor. She was a bit more confident than usual about scooting closer to me on the bench in front of everyone and then seemed a bit shy and hesitant all at the same time. I caught her stealing glances in my direction a couple of times and she seemed to be thinking about something. She had a sparkle in her eye and was biting her lip both times. I smiled back at her and shot her a questioning look the second time, but she just smiled shyly before turning to face everyone and then blushing after catching Leah eyeing us from across the table. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but decided if it was important she would probably bring it up when we were alone tonight.

When we were done eating we stayed and chatted for a while over coffee and dessert. We filled each other in on the events of our day. The girls had apparently spent a lot of time talking and listening to music, and then had given each other their own little make-over's for tonight. I was surprised to find out that it had been Leah's idea to straighten Nessie's hair, but I was grateful for the suggestion none-the-less. Nessie thought that poker sounded like fun when Seth told the girls about our game and suggested we all play together tomorrow. We agreed, deciding to play in the sky car so the girls could get a good look at the Canadian prairies. Seth and I had more than enough of that to look at today, but we would have our girls to look at tomorrow, so neither of us minded much.

When we got up to leave I noticed that douche-guy was still sitting in his seat nursing a cup of coffee. I caught a server coming out of the door on the other side of the car just as Seth, Olivia and Leah got up to head back to their rooms for the night. I told Nessie I'd be right back and walked ahead quickly, past the others, to question the server about the hot sauce. Just as she agreed to bring some with our meal tomorrow night I caught douche-guy 'dropping' his cell phone on the floor just in front of Nessie as she walked past. The others were a couple of steps behind her and she was standing right next to the douche himself. When she saw the phone on the floor she looked over at him.

"I think you dropped your phone," she said with a smile and then I groaned in irritation as I saw her begin to bend down and pick it up. Douche-guy's eyes lit up like it was Christmas and I had to fight the urge to get over there and gouge them out with his desert fork. I thanked the server and began walking quickly back to where Nessie was, my eyes on the fucking douche the whole time. Sure enough he made no attempt to hide the fact that he was eyeing her ass as she bent over and picked up the phone.

_Fucking douche bag mother fucker, _I thought, clenching my fists as another passenger got up and blocked my path for a few seconds.

If that had been it, I might have been able to just to throw the guy a threatening look and walk away. But what he did next had me seeing red.

He looked up, noticing my approach and smirking at my murderous glare, turned his eyes back to her ass as she straightened up – and then he _licked his fucking lips._

Nessie placed the phone back on the table with a smile and took a couple of steps forward just as I reached her and stepped in behind her. That was when I turned back to see the others and their reactions. Seth's fists were balled up like mine and I could tell he was fighting the urge to pound on him as he passed. Leah looked like she was ready to use the guy's spoon to dig out his private parts and serve them to him on a platter. Olivia was naturally disgusted and also looked mildly afraid as she took in everyone else's reactions. Nessie... was oblivious.

I shook my head at Seth and the others and began walking up the hall. After I had turned back to glare at the douche and Nessie caught my growl I waited until she wasn't paying attention then turned to catch Seth's eye again.

"Let me drop her off." I mouthed to him. He nodded as we approached our rooms and everyone said goodnight.

Nessie turned to smile at me as we stepped inside our room. I smiled back lightly and pulled her in for a hug and light kiss on her lips.

"Mmm," she murmured against my lips as she pulled back.

I chuckled a bit and shook my head. The vibrations sent from her lips to mine with that little hum were very sexy. She was incredibly sexy tonight, without even really trying.

With that thought I pulled away from her and turned for the door, telling her I needed to talk to Seth to work out a time for poker tomorrow because we forgot to during dinner. I was lying through my teeth and I think she was suspicious, but she smiled shyly at me with that twinkle in her eye again and nodded, saying she'd be waiting up for me when I got back.

I closed the door and waited until I heard her locking it, making sure I had the room key in my pocket before heading over to Seth's room one door over to the left.

I knocked and he opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. We walked a ways up the hall until we were positive she wouldn't be able to hear us and then Seth spoke.

"Let's check the dining car and see if that asshole is still there," he said flexing his jaw. I could tell that this guy's attitude really rubbed Seth the wrong way. Given Olivia's past I could completely understand where he was coming from, and then some.

I nodded and we made our way quickly back, crossing through the five passenger cars to the dining car. When we got there I scanned the car and noticed douche-guy hitting on the server I had spoken to about the hot sauce. She looked uncomfortable and was darting her eyes around as he had backed her into a space between two tables and a wall. I growled lightly and looked at Seth. He nodded at me and we approached the guy quickly from behind, shaking our heads at the server so she wouldn't give us away.

"Look, I really have to get back to work," she said nervously just as Seth and I approached.

"Come on, babe, it's empty in here. Why don't you come back to my room and serve me up a little something in there," the asshole said as the server's face went from mildly scared to revolted.

Seth and I reached out at the same time and each grabbed an arm, pulling him away from the server so she could make her escape. She fled and then I yanked on his arm, spinning him around and pinned him to the wall of the dining car. I wrapped a hand around his neck and held him there as he struggled against me.

"Hey! Fuck you, man! What the hell do you think you're doing?" he screeched at me.

I growled and tightened my fingers around his throat, effectively shutting him up. I gripped hard enough for it to be painful, but not hard enough to cut off his airway – yet. If he was smart, he wouldn't push me.

I noticed Seth make his way over to the server to make sure she was ok.

"Listen up, mother fucker," I said, my voice low, calm and menacing. "You know that little stunt you pulled with the redhead after dinner tonight?"

He struggled in my grip, trying to use his hands to free himself of me and then gave up after a moment realizing it was pointless. He nodded the best he could in my hard grip.

"If you ever so much as fucking _look_ at her again, I will fuck you up so badly you won't have any use for that disgusting tongue of yours, other than to drink your food out of a straw for the rest of your life."

He sneered at me and I pulled my hand back again slamming into the wall one more time. I heard the wall crackle a bit and had to remind myself to keep it together enough not to damage the train car.

"So what, man – she's fucking hot. It's not like I grabbed her or anything," he spat out at me.

I snarled at him through my teeth as my vision literally turned red at the thought of that asshole putting his hands anywhere on Renesmee.

"She's _MINE_ motherfucker! You got that? She's a lady, show some fucking respect... or I'll have no choice but to _teach it to you!_" I roared at him.

I felt Seth's hand on my shoulder, warning me to calm down before I did something I'd regret. I sneered at the douche bag and let him go, watching him pant a bit and rub his neck. He glared at me and then pushed past me while mumbling under his breath. It was really low, and most people probably wouldn't have heard it - but Seth and I could.

"I'd like to teach _her_ a thing or two."

Unfortunately for him, he said it just as he was passing Seth. Within the blink of an eye, Seth drew back his fist and clocked him, right in the temple. The guy fell to the floor and lay there like the sack of shit that he is, without moving. We could hear him breathing, so Seth and I knew he'd just been knocked out cold.

We turned to the server who smiled lightly.

"Huh. Looks like someone had too much to drink and passed out. Too bad he hit his head on a table as he went down. I'll go call security."

We waited with her until the security showed to take the guy back to his room, just in case he woke up. He didn't. The security guy hauled him back to his room after checking on the events of the night with Seth and I. We gave him the same story as the server. After the security guy had hauled the fucking douche bag back to his room the server thanked us. We told her to let us know if he gave her any more trouble and she smiled and promised she would.

We made our way back to our rooms shortly after that. We were in the middle of the hallway of the first passenger car when we heard it. Nessie was screaming at the top of her lungs. My heart lurched up into my throat and my stomach dropped hearing her scream like she was being tortured. It was raw and rough and just fucking terrifying to listen to. I broke into a sprint, pushing past people in the halls trying to get back to her.

My mind was racing the whole time. Had someone found us? How had they gotten on the train? What the hell were they doing to her to make her scream like that? Seth was hot on my heels as I slammed through each door, at the end of each car. The closer I got to our corridor the more people were poking their heads out of their rooms to see what was going on.

When I made it to the door of our room Leah and Olivia were there. Leah was desperately trying to open the door without ripping it off the wall, and Olivia was shouting Nessie's name through the door. I shoved Leah out of the way and threw the key card in the lock.

The screaming was ear-piercing and gut wrenching when I flung open the door. I was relieved momentarily to see her on the bed, alone. She was curled up into a ball, shaking with her violent screams so hard that she was vibrating from head to toe. Her hair had draped over her as her head was bent forward, creating a curtain around her face.

"Ness!" I screamed and flew over to her side on the bed. "What happened? Who hurt you?" I asked as I pulled her hair away from her. She was still screaming; I didn't know if she had heard me. I had to see her face.

I gasped when I finally took her in. She was rubbing her forearms – hard; fingers digging in, leaving angry red marks as they went. I put my hands on hers to stop her from hurting herself, a million questions running through my mind as I did. _What had they done to her? Why was she rubbing and scratching her own arms so hard she was almost breaking the skin? Who hurt her?_

Her head snapped up to meet mine and she stopped screaming the instant my hands were on her. When I saw her face my eyes widened and I felt my breath leave me in a huff, like someone had punched me in the gut. Her eyes were hollow and dead, and almost pitch black. There was only a thin ring of brown around the edge. She wasn't there. It was like she was empty. Her eyes were open but she wasn't focusing, I could tell she couldn't see me in front of her.

_Oh my God. What happened to her?_

I sucked in a gasp of breath and found my voice. It was rough and raw with fear and anger. Fear that she was seriously hurt, and anger with myself that I hadn't been here with her to protect her.

I put my hands on her shoulders and shook her a bit as I began calling her name. The others were busy shooing away other passengers, and train personnel, knowing that we couldn't afford to draw attention to ourselves.

As I continued to shake her, trying to bring life back to her dead eyes I realized that she had scratched her throat raw too. Her hands were now curled into fists at her sides and she was still shaking on her own, vibrating with terror under my slightly rougher attempts to shake her out of her stupor.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I called Nessie's name and continued to shake her name, I heard Leah say something to a concerned passenger about it being a nightmare, and that everything was ok. And then something clicked inside my head...

I glanced around at the bed and saw the indent in her pillow from her head. She was lying down before... she had probably fallen asleep waiting for me to get back and went straight into a nightmare. That's why her eyes weren't focused. She really wasn't seeing me. She was still asleep.

"Ness," I said loudly putting my hands on her cheeks and staring into her pitch black eyes, searching for any sign that she heard me, "wake up. It's a nightmare. Please... wake up and look at me. It's ok. Nessie, wake up. Come on baby, look at me."

She blinked for the first time and shook her head slightly from side to side. I called her name again, hoping that she had heard me.

"Ness," I whispered "I'm right here. Wake up, it's ok, you don't have to be scared."

She trembled wildly and began whispering frantically to me.

"Wash it off. Please, Jake. Wash it off! I can't... Oh God... help me Jake, please – please get it off me!" Her voice was tight and full of terror. My eyes widened as I realized she still hadn't woken up. She was speaking to me and seemed to be trying to talk to me in her dream. I looked down as I realized she began to rub and scratch at her arms again. I couldn't see anything there, but I knew she could.

I decided to play along and see if I could talk to her and find out what she needed me to do to help her. She was pleading with me, begging me to help her. My entire being, body and soul ached to fix this. I had to help her. I'd take the pain on myself if I could. Whatever she needed, I would do it. I just needed to get her talk to me.

"Ok. Ok baby I'm going to help you," I said stilling her hands again. "Just tell me what to do. You said 'wash it off'. Wash what off Ness? What do you want me to wash off?"

She blinked again, her black eyes glazing over and then closing tightly before she answered in a hollow and horrified voice.

"The blood. Wash it off... please... help me Jake... I need you to wash it off." She had whispered her pleas. I gulped in horror. Another nightmare about blood, and this one was worse than the last. Big, fat tears rolled out of her eyes as she kept them clamped shut.

"Where?" I asked in a whisper. "Where is it Nessie? Tell me where it is and I promise I'll make it go away."

She shook all over and her head fell forward as she choked in an agonized whisper, "It's everywhere. It's all over me Jake, please. Help me."

I felt a shudder rip through me at the horror I could only guess she was witnessing in her nightmare. Blood, everywhere... all over her. She must be terrified.

And her throat - it was scratched raw. She had broken through the skin in three spots and the rest was an angry mess of red lines. She must be in agony.

Without a word, I picked up her rigid body. She remained curled into that tight and tiny ball. She didn't relax an inch. I stood with her and carried her to the small washroom. I turned the knob for the small stand up shower to hot and stepped in, still holding her. I saw Leah walk up and shut the shower door behind me. She muttered something about being in the other room if we needed her and then left, closing the bathroom door behind her.

I held Nessie under the spray and slid down the back wall to sit with her in my lap. I let the water run over her, soaking both of us in our clothes. I unwrapped my arms from around her and rested her against my chest. Gently, I used my hands to rub over her arms, her legs, and her stomach. I ran them through her hair and down her back. I whispered to her the whole time, telling her what I was doing, letting her know I was washing it all away. I saved her face and throat for last. As I washed her throat I leaned in and kissed the angry scratches, willing away her pain. I caressed her face, gently placing a kiss on her forehead, wishing I could make the nightmare flee from her mind as I did it. I told her I loved her. I told her I would never let anything happen to her. I begged her to wake up.

I don't know how long we sat there. After a while I felt her body begin to relax slowly. It started with her legs. They sagged a bit, knees falling apart, and then her feet slipped off my lap and onto the tile floor. I rubbed them with my hands, knowing that they would probably feel sore after being stiff for so long. I felt her fists uncurl and I rubber her hands, paying close attention to the small indentations on her palms where her nails had begun to dig in. Her back slumped forward next and I had to use my hands to steady her shoulders before she fell over. I hugged her to me and rocked her while I waited desperately for her to come back to me.

I felt her stiffen again and I stilled my rocking.

She let her head lull backward and then her eyes flickered open slowly. They were brown again. I sighed in relief and whispered her name.

She swallowed thickly and opened her mouth to talk. I shushed her, knowing that her vocal chords were probably going to be raw from all of that screaming. She closed her eyes and shook her head before opening them again and staring at me.

"Thank you," she mouthed. She closed her eyes, exhausted and lay limp in my arms.

I hugged her to me tightly and kissed the top of her head. I rose from my place on the floor and turned off the water. I grabbed a towel as I stepped out of the shower and draped it over her. I didn't bother drying us off too well because our body temperatures would dry us off quickly enough. When I opened the door to the bedroom I saw Seth and Olivia waiting on the floor next to the bed.

They jumped up when I came in and Olivia immediately threw back the covers on the bed.

"How is she?" Seth whispered as I lowered us to the bed.

"Exhausted." I replied. Olivia drew up the covers and tucked them around us gently.

Nessie had grabbed my shirt in her fists as I carried her. I used my hands to gently pull the fabric free of her fists, and then pulled her to my chest. I rubbed her back for a minute or so until I heard and felt her breathing even out and deepen.

Seth and Olivia left, quietly telling me to call if we needed anything. I asked Seth to get us some water, knowing that if she woke up at all tonight her throat would probably be really sore. He nodded and was back in a couple of minutes with two bottles of water from the closest vending machine.

I held her close to me all night. I didn't fall asleep. My mind was reeling and my heart felt like it was going to implode with anxiety.

_What if Edward was right?_

_What if her nightmares turned out to be predictions of the future?_

I lay there, horrified and desperate to figure out what all of these nightmares meant. I wondered why she hadn't been able to wake up. She was genuinely terrified and in pain, her screams and the scratches on her body were proof enough of that. If she was this terrified at experiencing the nightmare... _what the hell would it do to her if any of this actually happened?_

I knew without a doubt that I had to figure this out. If we knew what happened in her dreams, could we change it? Would it be like Alice's visions, where they would change based on a decision someone made? If so, what were we doing wrong? Why were they getting worse? We had to try to find a new course of action. Maybe Toronto was the wrong place to go. Maybe we should be on the hunt for the leech who wanted her instead of running from him. I decided to try and call Edward again tomorrow and discuss this with him. He knew Bella's dreams and Alice's visions better than anyone. If anyone could make an educated guess about this it was him.

I growled under my breath in frustration. An educated guess. That was the best I could do for the terrified woman in my arms. It was the best chance I had to understand what was going on and protect her. My best chance to keep her safe. Chance. It was _just a fucking chance_. It was not good enough. We could make a mistake... we could make it worse.

I shuddered thinking about what would happen next time, if the nightmares got worse. She was nearly catatonic, terrified and causing herself bodily harm tonight. The possibilities of what could happen if it got worse were horrifying.

I shook my head and squeezed her tightly to me as the light began to filter through the curtain on the window. I resolved to take whatever chances I could to make this better for her and to make sure she was never forced to go through this again. I waited for the sun to rise and for her to wake up. I'd talk with her first, get whatever details I could, and then call Edward, maybe even talk to Alice if she was there. I had to figure this out.

**Until next time folks.**

**~Hitchy**


	29. Waiting in the Dark

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own 24 hours of darkness in this chapter.**

**Chapter 29 – Waiting In the dark**

**Chapter Song: Run ~ Snow Patrol**

**JPOV**

_Eighteen hours_, I thought anxiously._ She fell asleep eighteen hours ago._

My mind was full of nothing but conflicting thoughts. I had glanced at the clock right after Nessie fell asleep last night and it read ten o' two. I looked at the red numbers on the display again, for what felt like the millionth time in as many hours, and it read two o' five – only three minutes past the last time I looked at the clock. I had felt comforted through the night as she slept. I thought the rest would be good for her. She needed to give her mind and body a break. I watched her as she slept. She had barely moved all night, sleeping hard. At one point she shifted closer to me, draping her arm across my torso and squeezing gently in her sleep. I did the same in return, using my arm to pull her close and squeeze away each and every millimeter of space between her and I, hoping she would feel my presence and that it might help her somehow.

"I've got you baby," I whispered to her as she slept, "You're safe. Sleep." And then I kissed her forehead lightly. As if she heard me, she snuggled her way into the crook of my shoulder, her long, soft, red hair draping itself across my arm, and then sighed in her sleep. She hadn't moved since.

When day broke and light shone through the windows I was nervous, waiting for her to wake up, knowing that I would have to somehow get her to talk about what she had seen in her nightmare. At ten o'clock Leah came to check on us. She had taken our second room key last night so the others could get in and out if we needed them and I could stay in bed with Nessie. Nessie was still sleeping silently. Leah asked quietly if she should bring us some breakfast. I said yes, knowing she would probably need something to eat after her body had been through so much last night. She returned twenty minutes later with a plate from the dining car and left it on the nightstand beside the bed, where it still sat, untouched.

I struggled with thoughts about what I should do. _Should I try to wake her? Would it frighten her? What if she hadn't gotten enough rest?_ Those were the easy questions to think about. The others were harder. _What if something's wrong? What if she __**can't**__ wake up? Why isn't she moving? _Her breaths were so light, so shallow, that if I didn't have heightened senses I might not even be able to tell if she was breathing._ What should I do?_

I swallowed back a lump of worry in my throat and sighed in frustration. I hated not knowing what to do. There had to be something better to do than just sit around and wait. This wasn't normal. Traumatic nightmare or not, she shouldn't have been sleeping that long and she should be breathing normally. And I knew that. I couldn't wait for her to wake anymore. I wouldn't. I decided it was time to take action.

I shifted a bit, moving my arm from underneath her so that she was now lying on the pillow instead of me. I watched her closely as I did, waiting for a response. Nothing.

_Not good._

I steeled myself, praying that I wasn't going to shock her and scare her any more with what I was about to do. She'd had enough of that last night. I took a hand and placed it on the side of her face, caressing it gently.

"Nessie," I said quietly, hoping that she would respond to my touch and the sound of her name. Nothing.

_Not fucking good._

I lowered my arm to her shoulder, feeling badly for what I was about to do, but knowing I would feel worse if I hadn't tried. I sucked in an anxious breath, and shook her lightly, calling her name again, louder this time. Nothing.

_Really not fucking good._

I shook her again – harder. Hard enough that anyone who was sleeping should wake up with. Hard enough that when I let her go, she rolled lightly over on her back instead of staying propped up on her side. NOTHING. Her breathing stayed the same, her heart rate didn't change... nothing changed at all, just – nothing.

My heart started to race, my hands shook with fear, realizing that I had been right to think about the hard questions. I had been right to worry. Something was wrong – very wrong.

_Oh my god. This is bad… this is really fucking bad._

I sat up and shifted position, swinging one leg up and over her body so that my knees rested on either side of her stomach on the bed. I grabbed both of her shoulders this time and shook, as hard as I dared to, without hurting her.

"Nessie," I said loudly, "Nessie, wake up." My words from last night haunted me as I repeated them. I was sure she had returned to me last night in the shower. She had looked me straight in the eye and thanked me before falling asleep. But where did she go? Where did her mind take her? And why the _hell_ wasn't she waking up?

"Wake up baby, please!" I cried as I shook her again.

Nothing. She was out cold.

I growled in frustration and began to panic. My heart clammed up, feeling tight and oddly cold... but I should have expected that. Without her there was no warmth. She was the warmth. I needed it, I needed her to wake up, or my heart would never warm up again.

"Jake?" I heard Seth call from next door. "What's wrong?"

He must have heard me from his room.

"She's out cold Seth. I tried to wake her and I can't! Do me a favor. Go get our room key from Leah and the cell phone."

"On it," he said and then I heard a few steps before his door opened and closed.

I shifted again, sitting beside her on the bed and let my head fall into my hands. I had never felt so helpless before. Never in my whole life had I been forced to just sit by and watch someone I loved hurt and not be able to do anything about it. Even with Bella, I had always been able to fight somehow, do something to try and save my friend, but now... there was nothing I could do.

I lifted my head to look at her still form and shook with ice cold fear. I tried to will her with my mind to move, make a noise to just do – _something_. But, of course, it didn't work. As I looked at her my eyes fell on her hands and I got an idea.

I picked up the one closest to me and gently placed it in mine – palm to palm – and waited. She had always been able to share her dreams without even trying. All you'd have to do was place her palm in contact with your skin and whatever image was filling her mind at the moment would immediately fill yours. And it was no exception this time. Except now that I had done it I was even more worried than before. I was downright terrified.

The image that filled my mind was black. All black. She always dreamed in colour, even when her thoughts were not anywhere in particular, her feelings, emotions, state-of-mind I guess you could say, always came out in colour. And the void of colour this time had me feeling cold with fear, all the way to my core. Even in the forest the day she was attacked - I shuddered lightly remembering it - when she was hurt and almost _died_... there was colour, some light, just a sliver, but it was there. Now... there was nothing.

The only thing that kept me from falling apart was her heat. I could still feel it. Thinking back over the night I realized I had felt it the entire time we were lying down together. She was there. I felt the heat, her magnetic pull. It wasn't strong, but it was there. I squeezed her hand tightly in mine and I held onto it with everything I had. I just had to get her to wake up.

The door opened and I heard Seth come in, followed by Leah and Olivia. I reluctantly let go of her hand, letting the light of the room and the others come into view. I flipped it over, so her palm faced down toward the bed and picked it up again.

Seth handed the phone out to me.

I took it from him and dialed Edward's number. He answered on the first ring. I wasn't expected to call. I was supposed to talk to Sam when we got to Toronto tomorrow. He would know something was wrong.

"Jacob? What is it?" Edward asked quickly and quietly.

I cleared my throat trying to force the lump of fear away, and not succeeding. My answer came out flat and sounded a bit strangled.

"She had another nightmare. It was worse. She's... she," I stopped, unable to continue. I sucked in a ragged breath.

"Worse how, Jacob? What's wrong? What aren't you telling me?"

I closed my eyes and launched into the details of last night in a whisper. I told him about her agonized screams. I told him about her nearly catatonic state and her self-injury over the blood. I told him about washing it off of her, taking care of her. I told him how she came back to me and thanked me, and then fell asleep. I told him how that was now eighteen and a half hours ago, and how she still hadn't woken up, even though I tried. I told him about her breathing, her lack of movement for over twelve hours and, finally, I told him about the black vision that was her dream.

He sucked in a sharp gasp of a breath at the last part. He knew as well as I did that she had _never, ever_ had thoughts completely void of anything.

"Where is she now?" he asked.

"She's right here beside me in our bed, where we've been all night. I don't know what to do Edward. She's so _still._" I allowed myself to experience the fear then, it bubbled right to the surface and I couldn't hold back the quiet sob that escaped me.

I heard nothing but silence from the other end. After a few moments later I heard a light growl.

"What exactly do you mean by _our bed_ Jacob?" Edward asked coldly.

And then I lost it.

"Edward," I said my voice coming out in a snarl, "I really don't give a _shit_ what you think about the fact that we shared a bed right now!" I yelled, "She needs help! She's lying here unconscious, and hasn't moved for over twelve hours now as far as I can tell. She asked me to stay with her at night. I help keep the nightmares away. She doesn't have them when she's with me. She fell asleep before I made it back to our room last night, and went straight into the worst one yet... and now this. If you're worried about that then maybe you should put Bella or Alice on the phone! I don't have time to – "

"No. No Jacob, I'm sorry about that," his voice laced with regret, as it should be. "I'm sorry... I," he stopped.

I waited, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself. When he spoke again he was focused and reasonably calm. He was busy relaying the information to the others and asking for Alice, Jasper and Bella's opinions on the matter.

"Jacob, I'm worried about the fact that she can't seem to separate her nightmares from reality. From what you've described to me it seems as though she actually believes what's happening is real. Both Alice and Bella could tell that what they were experiencing was a dream or a vision. Neither of them have any experience with actually feeling like they're _living_ it."

He paused, to think I guessed.

"I need to call Carlisle. I'm not sure what to make of this or what to do just yet. In the meantime, keep an eye on her dreams. It's her only way to let us know what's going on. We have a little... situation to deal with right now, and I'm worried about using this phone to call you back. It'll take me a while to have a new one set up. I should be able to call back in an hour."

I sighed in frustration. Another hour. Why could we not manage to do more for her then sit around and wait? I hated being so reactive. I wanted to do something damn it, not wait until something was done to us. But there was nothing to do in this situation, no one to fight, no one to blame. I grit my teeth. This one was all up to her, and I hated not being able to help her.

I hoped and prayed that she would wake up by then and we'd have good news to tell them when they called back.

"An hour. Fine." I grumbled.

"Jacob?" Edward asked quietly.

"What?" I said coldly.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I trust you."

I took a deep breath and let it out before answering.

"Talk to you in an hour." I said quietly, and then hung up.

I turned to the others. Seth and Olivia were holding hands, worry and fear was plain to see on both of their faces. Leah was pacing in what little room she had, two steps toward the bathroom, and two steps back. She was frustrated, probably with the same thing I was. She hated sitting around and waiting for things to happen.

"Edward said he needs to call Carlisle, he's not sure what to make of any of this either. He also has to switch phones and said it would be an hour or so before he would be able to call back. I'm going to keep an eye on her dreams, so Seth I'd appreciate it if you stayed close by, just to keep an eye out for anyone or anything else. I'm not going to be able to focus on anything else. Leah, can you keep the phone and bring it back to us when Edward calls?"

They both nodded. "Jake?" said Olivia quietly "You need to eat something. Can I get anything for you?"

I shook my head and looked down at Nessie, running a hand through her hair.

"I'll eat when she does. I don't think I can stomach anything right now anyway. But thanks."

She nodded and then she and Seth left the room to head back to their own next door. Leah walked over to the bed and held out her hand for the phone. She took it in her hand. I expected her to walk away, but she didn't. I kept stroking Nessie's hair, but lifted my head to look at Leah. She was staring down at Nessie with a large grimace, her brows furrowed.

"She's stronger than you think Jake," she whispered, "give her some time. She'll wake up."

"Thanks," I whispered in reply.

She left the room then, closing the door softly behind her. I sighed and lay down next to Nessie. I picked her up a bit and laid her down in the crook of my shoulder, pulling her close, where she had been comfortable all night. I laid my head back on the pillow, grabbed her hand, and closed my eyes, letting the black take me over.

An hour later Leah came back to report that Edward had been in contact, but could not get a hold of Carlisle. I heard Olivia walk into the room, dropped something off on the nightstand and stand by the bed. I felt her put her hand on both of ours and squeeze lightly. When I inhaled I realized Olivia had dropped off food. It smelled like chicken, potatoes and vegetables.

Another half an hour later Leah returned.

"Jake," she said softly.

"Yeah,"

"Carlisle's on the phone. He wanted to talk to you directly." I held out my other hand, not wanting to let go of the one that held Nessie's.

I felt the bed dip a bit and then the phone being placed in my hands.

"Carlisle," I said.

"Jacob how is she?" he asked quietly.

"Same." I murmured.

He sighed and then continued.

"Are you keeping an eye on her dreams? Has there been any change with them?"

"Yes. And no."

"Well, keep doing it. I have nothing to base this off of, other than my medical experience with humans, but since Nessie is half human I'm going to go under the assumption that she may be operating the same way. If what Edward guessed and what you implied about her really experiencing her nightmares is true, then her body could have gone into shock. At times the brain shuts down after trauma, leaving the person unconscious for a while so it can recover. I'm more than a bit concerned that she's been out for twenty hours now though. I told Edward that if she doesn't wake up before the twenty-fourth hour is up I'll catch the first flight to Canada that I can. In the meantime, stay connected to her. Most trauma victims will have flashbacks or memories of the trauma right before they start to wake up. You should know when she's close when her visions change. You can try talking to her. In human cases people have reported being able to hear what was going on around them while they were unconscious. I am sorry I couldn't be of more help Jacob, but I promise if she doesn't wake soon I'll be on my way."

I thanked him and he asked me to call him directly at the number on the phone when I had something to report. He said he would relay any progress to Edward and the others. I hung up, handed the phone out to Leah and waited until she left.

And then I talked. I talked about how much I loved her, how much I needed her. I talked about Alaska, our friends and people from home. I talked about anything and everything I could think of while I waited for her in the dark.

Yeah, so as most of you can guess, I am a complete failure at keeping up with anything to do with this site. I am taking the time to apologize for that now, because it's pretty shitty of me, I know. Sorry!

It's definitely not my favourite format to work with – at all.

Anyhow, I'll be updating in large chunks of chapters when I find the time to sit down and do all of the wretched copying and pasting this site requires, so hopefully you won't hate me too much for updating infrequently. If you'd like to read the best, most-updated version of this fic please check it out on Twilighted.

Thanks so much for your patience guys. I hope you're enjoying the fic!

~Hitchy


	30. Good Enough

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's reassurance of Nessie in this chapter.**

**Chapter 30 – Good Enough**

**Chapter Song: Good Enough ~ Evanescence **This song is one of my favourites by Evanescence. If you have time, check it out on YouTube. .com/watch?v=9Tl8xyS0DAw

Under your spell again.  
I can't say no to you.  
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.  
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.  
Now I can't let go of this dream.  
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,  
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.  
I can't say no to you,  
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.  
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.  
Now I can't let go of this dream.  
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,  
I feel good enough.  
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.  
Pour real life down on me.  
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.  
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,  
'cause I can't say no.

_Good Enough ~ Evanescence_

**RPOV**

"She's opening her eyes," said a voice from far away.

_! _I screamed to myself, coming out of the horror again. My head was pounding, my throat was dry and scorching with heat, burning, blazing.

_No, _I thought frantically_, NO! Not again... anything but that again! I can't do it... I can't - _

"Jake?" a muffled voice said.

"Jake? Are you ok?" asked a second concerned and slightly panicked voice.

The horrific scene of blood and broken bodies before my eyes faded quickly, leaving me enveloped in a comforting shroud of darkness.

_Jake? _I thought, and forced myself to focus. _What was wrong with Jake? _I tried to open my eyes to find him, but it was no use. My eyelids felt like they were made of stone and simply would not move. Oddly enough though, I felt relieved with the blackness that flooded my mind. The darkness was good, it was safe. If I was in the black, then I wasn't _there. _I wanted to be anywhere but _there_. I wanted to be away from the streams of warm, fragrant blood that covered my arms and flowed in thick streams down my body. I wanted to be free from the stench of rot and death. I wanted to be free from the burn - the burn in my throat that told me that a part of me _longed_ for the blood of those that were dead or dying. I had to get out of that box of death. And the blackness took me there – got me out. It was a relief beyond anything I had ever experienced. I would stay in the black forever to avoid going back there.

My mind worked slowly coming back from the gruesome, bloody place I had just left behind. I was trying to make sense of what I heard going on around me. I focused in the blackness, letting it block out the horror, and worked on heightening my senses and trying to make sense of what I was able to hear going on around me.

_If I'm in the black, _I thought, _then Jake must be here too. I heard him. He was with me in the black, I remember hearing him, he was helping me. I hope he's ok. But if he's here with me_, I thought, _I should be able to smell him_. Yes, that much I remembered from my time in what could only be described as hell. If he was near, I could smell him. I would know his scent anywhere. _I could smell his scent the first time – after all of the blood covered my body and the screaming started… he was there. His scent was so strong, it was like he was there, right beside me. He helped me... _I suddenly remembered - _he washed it off. But if he was able to wash the blood off, did that mean he was __**there**__ with me? OH GOD! Was he hurt? I had no idea how or if it was even possible for him to be there. I was alone, except for _them… _the bleeding and rotting bodies_._ I don't remember seeing him anywhere. But it was so dark, almost black. _I was confused and disoriented… I didn't understand any of this and it terrified me. _How was he able to help me? _I wondered. _Oh God, who cares how. _I thought as my heart began to race in fear._ I just need to know if he's ok!_

In my panic I inhaled deeply and was relieved to be immediately greeted by his warm, comforting scent, among other familiar ones. My mind was in such a fog. I tried to make out who else was there with us, but I just couldn't seem to focus on their scents long enough to make them register in my mind. It was frustrating. I tried to use my other senses to help me get my bearings. I could hear voices, they were low and muttering quickly. I could also hear rapid and shallow breathing coming from a source very close to me.

My eyelids fluttered and I felt my body starting to come back under my own control. It was heavy, and I felt weak, which was distressing, because someone with half-vampire DNA should rarely feel weak.

I tried moving my hands to help me sit up, but something was holding one of them tightly to the mattress.

_The mattress? Where am I? _

I felt low rumblings beneath me and heard wheels flying across metal rails. _The train… I'm still on the train, in bed._

I blinked and waited for my eyes to adjust to the light a bit before finally looking up to see someone hovering over me, shaking.

"Nessie," said the first voice again. I looked over to my left and realized that the voice was Leah. Her face was a very odd mixture of confused and relieved. She was moving toward me slowly, cautiously.

"Are you ok?" she asked, moving forward to take my free hand. I couldn't seem to find my voice at the moment, so I just nodded weakly.

"Jake? Jake! Nessie's awake man, come on. She's right beside you Jake, you have to calm down. She needs you. Come on Jake." The shaking form above me said. _Seth?_ I thought. _But, if he's talking to Jake then where - ?_

I looked over to my other side and gasped loudly. Seth was leaning over me, grabbing Jake's shoulders in his large hands and shaking him slightly while he talked in a slight state of panic. His concern was written all over his face in his deeply drawn brows, his worried eyes and his large frown. I sat up, bumping into Seth a bit in the process, and feeling somewhat disoriented. My head felt light and my equilibrium seemed to be a bit - off. The room and the people in it seemed to be swaying a bit. I wondered briefly if this is what it felt like to be dizzy.

Seth released his grip on Jake as I turned to face him.

"Jake!" I cried out as soon as I took him in. His face was frozen in a mask of horror, his eyes blank. He seemed to be looking past me, not at me. His breathing was rapid and shallow.

I blinked when I suddenly realized that he was still shaking – and so was I. I looked down to where _my_ shaking originated from and realized that the weight that held my hand down onto the mattress earlier was Jake; he was holding my hand. Not just holding it though – squeezing it - _hard. _So hard it was beginning to hurt actually. I squirmed trying to break free of his grasp, and couldn't. My fingers started to throb in pain.

"Jake, you have to STOP! Get it together man!" Seth shouted. He hopped on to the bed beside us and grabbed my arm and Jakes and began trying to pull them apart. He was straining with the effort and I could tell it was difficult for him even with his strength... Jake's grip was so strong.

I whimpered lightly, feeling my hand stretch and bend uncomfortably under the two forces of pressure. I looked down and noticed that whatever parts of my hand I could see were turning a very bright red. Seth looked down and noticed it at the same time I did.

"Jake, stop, NOW!" he shouted frantically. "You're hurting her, and if you're not careful you're going to do a lot worse than that! Get control of yourself and let her go!" Seth grunted a bit as he pulled on our arms again, his face full of fear and concentration as he tried desperately to break us apart.

"Nessie, I need you to pull with me, we've got to get you two separated before he loses it."

I gasped again, as realization dawned on me.

"Seth! Is he going to-?"

Seth glanced up at him quickly and then shook his head sharply.

"He's fighting it – _hard_, but I'm not sure how or if he can stop." He said through gritted teeth.

"Just PULL Nessie!" he shouted as he began pushing harder, planting a foot on the head board for leverage.

I looked at Jake, frozen in shock. He was shaking, and his eyes looked tortured and conflicted. I could tell that he heard Seth, and he was trying his best to stop - but he needed help - a distraction maybe. We had only been like that for a few seconds, maybe half a minute at most, but I knew that fighting the forces of phasing were extremely difficult. He shouldn't have been able to put it off as long as he already had.

I panicked, and began thinking about how to help as Seth continued to pull on my painfully constricted hand. He needed something to divert his attention from whatever had him feeling angry, scared or protective. My mind worked overtime trying to think about how to help, while Seth tugged at our hands again and again. There had to be something I could do. Talking wasn't working. I knew had to be able to give him something else - something he could feel.

Without a second thought I flew forward and crushed my lips to his. I knew that if nothing else reached him, this could. _Our heat_. He would feel it – I just knew he would. I threw my one free arm around him and ran it up and down his back over the curves of his spine, remembering that he described his spine as the place where the heat and pressure seemed to grow from when he phased.

I ignored the shocked gasps and words of warning from Seth and Leah. I ignored the set of strong hands that were now on my shoulders trying to pry me away from him. Instead I pushed myself forward, leaning into his shaking form, coming into contact with him wherever I could.

Almost immediately the shaking began to slow. I don't know how long it took for it to stop – I'm sure it was only seconds, but to me it felt like minutes had passed… or maybe it was hours. I didn't know, didn't care. Time meant nothing. The room fell away from me. All there was in that moment was him and I.

I knew it had worked when I heard his sharp intake as he gasped my name.

I opened my eyes to find his closed, his forehead resting on mine, both of us trying to calm our breathing.

"I'm sorry," he whispered through his short gasps and pants of breath, "Are you ok?" His eyes flew open, inspecting my face quickly, looking for answers. "I'm so sorry! I can't believe I just -. It's just - I saw. And you were - there was - all that blood – the bodies. _God Nessie_. It was - I can't even…"

I felt my brow furrow in confusion, wondering how Jake had seen what I had in my nightmare, wondering if he had, in fact, been there with me, and how that was possible.

And then I remembered our hands. I glanced down at them quickly, noticing he was still holding mine in an iron clad grip. My hand was already pretty numb from the lack of circulation. I didn't want to worry him, but I had to think of a way to get him to let go. It hurt, despite the numbness… but I didn't want to tell him that because it would make him upset. I glanced up into his worried and apologetic eyes, just as he glanced down between us at our hands.

His eyes widened in fear and he dropped my hand in half a second. I yelped a bit as I felt the blood rush back to the surface, and picked up my arm to cradle it to me. I sat back on my heels and rubbed it a bit, lightly.

"Oh shit!" his voice was strained and his expression mortified, his over-reactive self disgust written all over his face. "I _hurt_ you. Your hand, it's... oh baby… I'm so sorry! How could I have let myself hurt you like that?" he whispered he leaned forward to take my arm gently in his hands.

"It's ok, Jake. It was just a squeeze. I'm fine." I said quietly as he gently moved his fingers over the back of my still reddened hand and fingers to inspect them.

"It's _not_ fine. You're hurt. God… I am so, _so_ sorry. I – _shit_!" he cursed and began berating himself, mumbling under his breath, cursing himself for hurting me.

I heard a throat clear from across the room.

"I probably had a hand in that too Jake. I was pulling on both of you pretty hard to get her out of your grip before..." Seth said quietly, and trailed off as he looked at the floor.

Jake shook his head angrily. "No. No Seth. This one's all on me." He glanced into my eyes briefly, his expression full of remorse, sadness and his self-directed anger. His voice dropped lower as he rubbed my hand lightly and turned it over to inspect my palm. "I never should have lost control like that. I should have known I would. But I never guessed that it would be as– "he paused and swallowed thickly, "as _gruesome_ as it was. I think my body reacted on instinct... but I still should have known better. It would have to be that bad to get to you like it did Ness. It was awful." He shook his head and used his other hand to cup my cheek, grazing my cheekbone lightly with his thumb.

I pulled my hand back from him to inspect it and wiggled my fingers. I grimaced a bit because they were sore and achy, but everything seemed to be working just fine. I dropped my hand to my lap, wanting to let it rest, and get the blood flowing through it properly. Jake picked it up again immediately and rubbed smooth, slow circles over my skin with his thumbs. It was soothing; I felt the heat of his touch mixed with the sensation of the blood flowing back to my skin, and it felt good, so I didn't object.

"I'll call Carlisle and let him know that she's awake." Leah said quietly, and then left the room quickly.

"Seth, can you catch up with Olivia and see about getting us some food?" Jake asked quietly before raising my hand to his lips and giving it a soft, feather-light kiss.

"Sure thing," said Seth and then he left too.

After they left we sat quietly, unmoving except for Jake's thumbs, gliding over my hand. His eyes were fixed on our hands as he rubbed, his face drawn in remorse. He apologized, over and over again for losing control, for hurting me. I consoled him quietly, telling him it wasn't his fault, letting him know that I was ok, because I was. My hand was sore, but it wasn't broken or even sprained. He wouldn't hear it though, he was beside himself with worry and regret.

After Seth returned to our room with the food we ate quietly and then spent the rest of the evening lying on the bed talking about what had happened over the last twenty-four hours. He held my hand and rubbed it, planting light, remorseful kisses on it the whole time. It was mostly better now, back to it's original creamy white colour and hardly sore at all. When Leah had gotten a hold of my grandfather I spoke with him directly and filled him in on the nightmare and what I remembered of the after effects. He asked me a few questions about how I was feeling and I admitted with some confusion that I felt a bit weak, that I thought I had been dizzy and that most of all, I was just really tired. He told me that I had been through a lot, and that it sounded like my body was reacting negatively to the stress. He suggested resting for the rest of the evening, and asked me to make sure that Jake stayed with me, to make sure that I was ok. I told him I didn't think that would be a problem. Jake had been glued to my side for the last day or so and it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. After saying my goodbyes and hanging up I laid back onto the pillow and tried to make sense of what happened over the last twenty four hours.

I had a hard time registering the fact that I had been unconscious for almost a day. Jake said it was twenty-two hours before he could see flashes of my nightmare begin to break through. The more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed. I had lost a whole day – because of a bad dream. It didn't make any sense. Jake told me more about my grandfather's theory, and how he suspected that my body shut down in reaction to the trauma. And I had to admit that I _was _tired and I _did _feel as though I had actually been in that horrible place, so I guessed that grandpa Carlisle's theory about trauma and shock could be possible. I remembered how much I loved and needed the presence of the darkness after my second experience, right before I woke up. That seemed to confirm the theory even more.

And then Jake told me that _he_ saw what I saw. We talked about it as much as I could. It was harder for me than Jake because he was aware that he was an observer the whole time. He never once had to feel like he was actually _there._ He just had to watch me there.

"I've never felt more helpless than I did for the last twenty-four hours." He admitted to me quietly as he ran his large fingers softly through my hair from roots to ends. He looked into my eyes, and in the depths of his dark ones I could see all of the fear and helplessness he spoke of reflected there. It was also reflected in the flexing of his strong jaw muscles as he clenched them in mild frustration. "From last night, when you were screaming… and hurting yourself…, to watching you lying here, unconscious for almost a day... and then to see it all - all the _horror_ you've gone through in your mind… and not being able to do a _damn thing_ about it. I – "

He stopped, frustrated, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He shifted his position on the bed, propping himself up on an elbow, beside me. When he opened his eyes they burned with a deep intensity. Determination radiated from them and the set of his now-clenched jaw emphasizing the weight of the words he said next.

"This is the end of running and waiting for me, Nessie. I won't sit back and let fate or some psychotic secret admirer deal your hand in life anymore. I'm going to do whatever I can to get you out of this. I'll hide you, stay with you and keep you safe – always. I'm not going anywhere without you. But now, both where we go and what we do will be with a purpose. We're going to get to the bottom of this and make it stop. I'm going to _end_ whoever or whatever is doing this to you, if it's the last thing I do." His eyes flashed with fury as he spoke, making me shiver in reaction to him.

I felt my brow furrow a bit in confusion as he spoke. It was as if he was blaming these horrific nightmares on the creature who was stalking me. I admitted to myself that it may have been my fear of the unknown, that this _game_ brought on, that made me have nightmares, but _he_ couldn't possibly be responsible for my dreams… could he? Jake seemed to think so, but I didn't really see how I could agree with that.

But then my heart began racing and my throat went dry as I processed the rest of what he was telling me. He planned to pursue the person who was trying to find me. If we were moving and acting with purpose, like Jake said, then surely we would be following _him_, tracking him somehow. But that would be a complete contradiction to the plan we set up with the packs and the rest of my family. We were expected to lay low, and let _them_ track whoever was behind this. They would know something was up if we didn't stay in one place long enough, or when we moved to a place they had indicated as dangerous. Not that we knew of any leads yet, but they had to be getting somewhere, or they would have called off the search and regrouped by now. Or at least I think they would have. They would have switched strategies if what they were doing wasn't working. Which lead me to believe that it was. And they obviously thought _we_ were doing the best thing by hiding out and staying on the run. If we decided to change that strategy against their wishes my family would be livid. They would think it was too dangerous.

But did _I _think it was too dangerous?

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth at the thought of Jake confronting _him_. Whoever was behind this was dangerous, lethal. Billy was dead, and I had been seriously injured just so that _he_ could get a message to me. It had always struck me as odd that this so-called 'admirer' had proclaimed his affection for me in declaring this ridiculous competition, but then had allowed me to be harmed so badly just to deliver a message. I could have died, and then this elaborate game would be over, before it had even begun. If I was valuable to _him_ at all would he not have tried to prevent that? And if that was the way _he _treated people that he valued...

I cringed and then sucked in a deep breath, feeling my lungs expand in my painfully tight chest, while considering the kind of evil someone like that would unleash on Jake if he got in his way. _He can't go after him! It's too dangerous!_ I thought frantically.

No, I couldn't let him do this.

"Ja-," my throat constricted around his name as it made its way out, choking it off halfway. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of the panic that had set in. I took a deep, broken breath and tried again.

"Jake, you can't... it's too dangerous. You'll get _hurt_. You can't-" I struggled to put my fear into words. I couldn't let him do that for me. What if he got hurt... or worse. I couldn't let that happen. He was always so good to me – too good to me. I knew he'd lay his life down for me in a second. But I could never let it come to that. I loved him and needed him too much to have him put himself in that much danger.

He wiped the tears that were now rolling down my face off with his thumbs. I heard him sigh and opened my eyes to look up at him. He was staring at me, his eyes still full of determination, but now with a hint of understanding. He shook his head lightly at me.

"Don't, Nessie," he whispered "don't worry about me. I can handle myself. You're always worried about everyone else, but don't do it this time. Someone needs to find the guy responsible for this and get to him... before he can get to anyone else." His voice dropped so low I could barely hear when he said the last part. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead reverently.

I knew what he was talking about. He didn't mean anyone else in general, he meant _me_. Jake wanted to get to _him_ before _he_ could get to _me_. But I didn't have time to feel grateful for his relentless devotion and protection at that particular moment. Because what he said had struck a chord with me.

_Anyone else._

I trembled all over and then froze with fear. I didn't realize how it had never really hit me before – how I had never completely realized it. But Jake was right. It could be _anyone_. Anyone and everyone I knew would be in just as much danger crossing _his_ path as Jake would be. I felt truly sick with the realization. My stomach churned as I considered the possibilities with a strong sense of dread.

I thought of my family, and my extended one in both of the werewolf packs. They were all in danger. My family, Sam and Emily were all courting danger and death by trying to find _him_ and put a stop to this. Even those who weren't actively pursuing _him_ could still be in danger. We learned that much with Billy's death.

And Jake, _my Jake_, wanted to jump right into the thick of it. I felt a large pang of regret as I realized that this was the one thing that hurt me the most. The idea of Jacob hurt or the thought of trying to live without him... I just couldn't bear it. More than I needed my friends, my family, my parents... I needed him.

I shook my head slowly and closed my eyes. I felt wretchedly guilty.

"Not _anyone_," I whispered to him trying to convey my fears, "_everyone_."

I suddenly couldn't find the strength to breathe. My lungs felt like they were being compressed with the fear I felt for all of the people who were put in danger because of me. So many truly good people were laying their safety and lives on the line.

"Everyone _who_, Nessie? What do you mean?" Jake whispered back in worry and confusion.

"All of them," I choked out in a whisper, "everyone I know and love. My family, yours, my friends, my parents – _you." _I reached up and trailed a finger from his throat down to the middle of his chest and laid a hand over his heart.

"Everyone I love is in danger because of me." I closed my eyes and hung my head. "It's not worth it." I concluded sadly.

"What?" Jake said quietly, surprise evident in his voice.

I shook my head. "It's not worth it Jake. This game of cat and mouse... this stupid competition, puts _everyone_ in danger. No one should be risking themselves this way, fighting my battles for me. They could all get hurt... or worse. It's not worth it."

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, feeling awful for all of the hurt and pain this stupid game had caused and terrified about what was to come.

He took a deep breath and looked at me, his gaze full of concern and love. "You have to trust me, Nessie. We're going to be fine. Besides, do you think that _he'll_ stop even if _we_ do? If everyone stopped looking for him tomorrow and went home to stay safe, _you_ would still be in danger. He isn't going to stop coming after you if we stop chasing him. No one wants to see anything happen to you. We're doing this to keep you safe. _Of course_ it's worth it, Ness. It's for you." He rubbed the knuckles of his hand softly over my cheek as he spoke, trying to soothe me.

_Yes, it's for me._ I thought dismally. _But who was I to put them all in danger?_

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the love in his. He shouldn't love me as much as he did. All I had caused him and everyone else I loved lately was worry and hurt.

"I'm not worth it." I whispered.

His breath blew out of him in a huff and then silence filled the air. I felt heavy with guilt and exhaustion and sadness, knowing in my heart that what I had told him was the truth. He _must_ be able to see that it wasn't worth it for so many to risk so much for me. It was obvious to me, it should have been obvious to him too.

The next thing I knew his warm, strong arms were around me, holding me closely, and his lips pressed softly to mine.

"How could you say that?" he whispered sadly against my mouth. "How could you _ever_ think you're not worth it baby?"

He kissed me again, softly. I could feel the unhappiness in the set of his lips as they brushed against mine.

He didn't understand. My heart was broken, bleeding for all of the people I was hurting. I was suddenly aware of being responsible for so much worry and the potential for so much pain and sorrow. I couldn't reconcile it within me. I've never wanted to be the cause of anyone's pain. And now, to realize that I was the cause of so much pain for so many... it was just too much for my heart to take.

"I'm just one person, Jake. For all of them to sacrifice... it's too much. It's not right-"

"You're wrong," he said quietly, but fiercely, cutting me off. "It _is_ right Nessie, and it's _not_ too much. In fact, it's not enough."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with a finger on my lips.

He waited until I stopped my attempts to protest and resigned myself to listening.

"Nessie, if the situation was reversed, and I was the one who was threatened, would it be worth it?" he asked, his dark eyes trained on mine, boring into me, looking down into my soul.

"Yes," I answered immediately, "but that's different Jake. You're the chief of your tribe, the leader of your pack… people depend on you. If something happened to you, so many people would be affected."

He frowned deeply and looked down at my hand that was still on his shirt above his heart, the one he had squeezed earlier. He took it gently in his and rubbed small circles on the back of it with his thumb.

"Your family and friends need you too. They would be devastated if anything bad happened to you." He said quietly. He paused and his frown deepened.

"Is that the only reason it would be worth it to protect me? For the sake of the tribe and my pack?" he asked in a small voice.

My eyes widened in surprise as I took in his very rare self conscious tone and understood the real meaning of his question. As if he even had to ask.

"Oh Jake, of course not!" I responded immediately. "But the other reason is entirely selfish. If something were to happen to you I" I paused to suck in a tight and painful breath at the thought of it "– I don't know what I would do with myself. I love you... _so_ much Jake. I would honestly be lost without you." I thought back quickly over my short life and could pick only a handful of days where Jake wasn't with me. Each and every one of them was worse without his presence. Jake always made everything fun and interesting. He made feel happy and safe and loved. I needed him - desperately.

He smiled a small smile and pulled me in for a hug. He placed a light kiss in my hair and then pulled back to look at me, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine.

"What makes you think it's any different for me?" he asked softly.

I looked down at our hands and sighed lightly. This man loved me more than I deserved. I was putting him and everyone he loved in danger. His father was probably killed because of me, and here he was trying to convince me that it was ok, that he loved me and needed me even though I brought so much pain into his life.

When I didn't answer he decided to continue. He spoke softly, and sincerely.

"You're everything to me Ness. And you're an amazing person you know. You're so compassionate we're sitting here and as we speak, you're in danger, you're being stalked and hunted – but you're not worried about _yourself, _you're worried about the people who are trying to help you." He nudged my forehead up a bit with his so that I could see him. He was smiling at me lightly. "You're smart; a college student at the age of sixteen. You're strong – one of the strongest people I know to be able to keep it together over the last couple of months." He leaned forward and lowered his voice to a whisper.

"And you're beautiful." He punctuated his statement with a light kiss on my lips.

I blushed at the sincerity in his voice. It wasn't the first time he had said I was beautiful, but it still made me feel warm inside every time he did it. He always sounded genuine in his declaration, but I often wondered how it could possibly be true. My very nature, or half of it at least, was supposed to be repulsive to him. I wasn't half as beautiful as my mother, my aunts or my timeless grandmother. They were all flawless, striking in their perfection. I, on the other hand, was a bit plain in comparison. My skin was nowhere near as smooth and marble-like as a vampire's, which was probably a good thing where Jake was concerned, but it was harder, paler and more luminous than a human's. My fiery copper hair and large curls were almost as hard to style and manage as my father's unruly locks, and my eyes were a very ordinary shade of brown. I frowned as he pulled away and took my face in his hands.

"I love you Nessie. You are the most beautiful part of my every day. I've got nothing without you. You need to let me help you, and stop worrying about everyone else for once." He whispered and kissed my nose gently.

I looked up at him uncertainly. He was asking me to trust him. He wanted my heart, even in its broken and bleeding state. He wanted to help me but was asking me to let him put himself in danger to do it. It just didn't make sense for him to love me so much. Even the magic of imprinting couldn't override his sense of self-preservation – could it? How was I worth him putting himself at risk like that? I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him.

"Jake," I said, the conflict I was feeling clear in my voice. I wanted to believe him with all my heart. That everything would be fine. That no one would be hurt – especially him. That he thought I was beautiful. That he loved me and needed, in spite of everything. I wanted to, but couldn't.

He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. He lingered long enough to stir the heat, I felt my face and neck flush with it as she pulled my bottom lip between his.

"Don't." he said softly.

Before I could ask him what I wasn't supposed to be doing, one of his hands wrapped itself around the base of my neck, pulling me forward for a slow and searing kiss. His mouth moved on mine, pulling my lips between his. He took his time kissing me, but was firm and persistent. His tongue grazed my lower lip so slowly that I shivered in anticipation as every nerve ending it touched blazed with heat and the ones it had yet to make it to cried out in anticipation. When it finally reached its destination at the other corner of my mouth my lips parted of their own accord, eager to invite him into my mouth and savor his touch, his taste, his warmth.

My _mind_ was at war with my body and heart. It was protesting, telling me to stop even as my tongue began to swirl languidly around his. In my mind I knew I should be talking to him, convincing him to stick to the original plan, trying to keep him safe.

My _heart_ ached to believe that what he said about me being worth it was true.

My _body_ had no other wish than to kiss him, touch him, pull him close to me and never let him go.

I whimpered involuntarily as he pulled back a bit, and then felt the slightest moan leave my lips as he lowered the weight of his body to mine.

"Don't ever say it again baby." He kissed me softly, slowly, letting our moist lips slide against each other and allowing me to feel every millimeter of their movement. "I love you." _Another slow, soft kiss._ "You are beautiful and you _are_ worth it - and so much more." This time his kiss was slow, put passionate, his tongue grazed my lips, dragging from one side to the other at a snails pace, and then slipped inside my mouth, to tease and tangle slowly with my own.

"Let me show you," he whispered huskily as he broke away.

He was making me dizzy with desire as he continued to kiss me and run his hand up and down my arm. He began kissing my face, placing small kisses everywhere, leaving a trail of fire behind them and murmuring words about my beauty. I tried to focus on what he was saying, but it was hard because my body was responding to his in the most distracting ways.

"...skin like smooth cream with a just a hint of peach..." he said as he kissed my cheek.

"...eyes so warm and deep... lost in..." he murmured as he kissed their lids.

"...voice of an angel..." he mumbled as he kissed my throat.

"...body of a goddess..." he whispered as he kissed my collar bone and his hand slipped up to palm my breast.

My back arched and head threw itself back into the pillow inviting him back to my neck as I panted lightly and then moaned quietly and involuntarily once more.

The battle between mind, body and heart continued. The desire to love him, to have him love me, and the desire to keep him safe were pushing and pulling at each other, but his actions spoke so strongly to my heart and body, that they were slowly and painfully picking apart the resistance in my mind.

His hand slid down to my waist and slowly, so slowly I was barely aware of it happening at first, his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt and up to my ribs. I gasped slightly at the feeling of his warm fingers on my skin and opened my eyes to see that he had stopped kissing me and was looking at me questioningly, his eyebrows raised, his lids hooded and eyes dark.

And in that second, taking one look into his eyes, scorching with nothing but heat, love and desire for _me_; my mind's argument fell apart and crumbled, a victim to the sweet torture of his touch.

I nodded my head slightly to him. I could refuse him nothing like this. I was putty in his large and capable hands. He shifted down the bed a bit until his face was level with my stomach. He leaned in and placed a small, open-mouthed kiss just above my navel. I shivered with pleasure and anticipation.

"Do you trust me baby?" he said as he slid my sweater up another couple of inches and then kissed stomach.

"Yes." I said breathlessly. And I meant it. I trusted him with all of my heart and soul, two things which he held completely in his care.

"I love you," he whispered and then slowly slid my sweater up and over my head, leaving me only in my sheer, pink, lace bra. I looked up at him, wanting to see his face, feeling both nervous and a bit self conscious.

His eyes darkened considerably and his jaw clenched, muscles flexing as he squeezed it together. He shifted up so that his head was beside mine and he was lying on his elbow next to me. He used his fingertips to skim lightly along my collar bone, starting at my shoulder and making his way inward. He trailed his fingers across to my chest and then down, slowly and lightly between my breasts and over my stomach, his eyes following his finger's trails down my form the whole way. I shivered again, desire and heat flashing up and into my skin after his blazing touch.

"Perfect," he mumbled softly and then leaned in to kiss my collar bone on the opposite side. I gasped as he used his lips to place small open-mouthed kisses down my collar bone and across to my chest before moving downward to follow the same path he had with his finger. My back arched a bit and I whimpered as he kissed the valley between my breasts. My entire body began to heat and flush, the desire and warmth now simmering and singing in my veins.

When he reached my navel he kissed it lightly and then shifted up to kiss me on the mouth. I kissed him back, pouring all of the love and passion I could into it. He pulled away when we both began breathing hard and moved to kiss my jaw, while his hands trailed over my stomach and arms.

In a fleeting moment of boldness, I reached out and grabbed his shirt, tugging it up and over his head before he had a chance to respond. A look of mild surprise, mixed with lust at my brave move flash in his eyes. I leaned in and kissed his neck, using my fingertips as he had, running them over his collar bone and down over his beautifully sculpted chest and abs. His body was a beautiful mass of contradictions. An abundance of strong muscles gave way to soft, gentle caresses. His skin was soft and his physique hard, and I longed to know what it would feel like pressed up against mine.

I placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him to me, kissing him on the lips as our skin met, inch by heated inch.

We both groaned at the sensation.

He slid his hand up to my breast and palmed it lightly before slowly running his thumb over the part of it at the top that wasn't encased in my bra.

I whimpered and writhed under him, quickly becoming overwhelmed as his thumb grazed my nipple.

I was heady and dizzy as my boiling blood rushed through my veins.

My body was so overheated I thought I could literally melt in his arms.

He was still kissing me, hungrily, and I honestly had no idea what to want or expect next.

All sense of self had flown out the window and was left in the tracks of the train moving below us.

I let myself get lost in him as we continued to touch and kiss and finally accepted what we was showing me.

He loved me. He needed me. He would do anything for me because he _wanted_ to.

My heart swelled and felt like it would burst right out of my chest. I was so overwhelmed I felt a tear slide out of one of my eyes. I slowed our kisses down and then gently broke away. He didn't say anything, just watched me with serious and adoring eyes. I didn't need to tell him how I felt, I had sent it to him in a vision. I was exhausted, and feeling completely overwhelmed by his love and devotion. My head was spinning and I was still crying silent tears. I wanted nothing more than to curl up against him and be held in his strong loving arms. He rolled off to my side with a sigh and pulled me to him. My head lay on his chest and my leg wrapped itself over one of his as I snuggled in as close to him as I possibly could. I felt him hug me closer still and place a light kiss on my head as I cried until my tears dried and my heart was filled with so much love and peace that I wasn't how to handle it in my exhausted state. I felt him pull the blankets up around us and whisper to me, telling me he loved me and to get some rest. I simply nodded and kissed his smooth chest softly before drifting off into a peaceful and calm sleep, feeling, for once in my life, that I was good enough for someone to love me.


	31. Complete and Undone

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Nessie's completion and Jake's undoing in this chapter.**

**Chapter 31 –Complete and Undone**

**Chapter Songs (for Nessie's bath): **Colplay's Life in Technicolor album

**Link to hotel room: **.com/deluxe/

**RPOV**

"Did he at least say whether or not you two had reservations somewhere?" Leah asked, exasperation clear in her voice.

"I mean, honestly Nessie, if he said comfortable you should just wear jeans. If he can't be bothered to give you any clue about where you're going, then he doesn't have a right to care about what you wear," she scoffed.

The straightening iron Olivia was running through my hair stopped mid-air as she made the descent to another chunk of my curls to smooth them out. The mascara wand I was holding froze, suspended an inch from my eye. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed in the mirror that both Olivia and I had turned, open mouthed, towards Leah.

"What?" she asked defensively, a slight growl noticeable under her breath.

She was standing next to the large bed just outside the bathroom in mine and Jake's suite. Three outfits were spread across the luxurious, soft white hotel bedding. Olivia and I caught each other's eyes and incredulous expressions in the mirror and burst into a fit of giggles. The very thought of Leah caring enough about fashion to be frustrated over helping me choose a date outfit was both endearing and hysterical. I was surprised she didn't just give me the usual 'a guy should care about _who_ he's going out with, _not_ what she's wearing' speech. Although I guess her comment about the jeans was close enough.

Leah just rolled her eyes and huffed off to the closet to pick out shoes for each outfit.

I finished applying my make-up, which wasn't much really, just a light coat of mascara, a pale shimmery eye shadow and a lightly tinted lip gloss, and then sat back to wait for Olivia to finish straightening my hair. I helped her break it into sections and fastened the rest of it on top of my head loosely with a clip while she worked over the one she had in her hands with the straightening iron. We sat in companionable silence as she worked. Olivia was quiet and shy by nature, so often when we hung out we'd spend time with each other quietly. We'd play a game of cards or watch a movie, having small but meaningful conversations between larger pauses. It seemed like she was in a particularly quiet mood today so as I sat, my mind began to wander back to this morning. I barely even registered the automatic motions I was making to help Olivia as I daydreamed.

When Jake had the cab drop us off at this address earlier today I thought he might have made a mistake. The cab had stopped in front of a very large brown brick building, pulling up alongside a courtyard, of all things. The large cherry wood doors of the hotel were surrounded by an elegant and impressive stone archway with the name 'Windsor Arms Hotel' set in a stone banner across the front of it. Three flags were flying around the archway, one at each end and one in the middle. It looked more like an old-fashioned, but posh apartment or condo building than a hotel. But when I exited the cab and came around to the other side near the door Jake already had our bags and was waiting by the large double-door entrance of the hotel with a small smile on his face. I hurried to catch up to him and then entered the front doors into the lobby, quickly thanking the gentleman holding the door for us before turning to Jake and questioning him about his choice of hotel.

"Aren't we supposed to be keeping things low-key?" I asked looking around at the ornate fixture of the lobby. The floor was a light cream coloured marble, polished and shiny. The walls were covered in rich, recessed dark wood panelling. The ceiling in the lobby was two stories tall, creating the impression of being in a rather large, elegant banquet hall, rather than the lobby of a hotel.

He chuckled and took my hand, leading me toward the front desk. "Yes. Security is really good here and they are used to housing celebrities so they're used to keeping the identities of their guests to themselves too. We're only going to be here for a few days until we can get in touch with Edward and talk about where to go next."

He pulled me to his side and kissed me lightly on the cheek while we waited for the attendant behind the desk to finish with his last customer. "After the last couple of weeks I thought we could use a treat." He bent lower to whisper in my ear, his breath was hot and tickled my neck lightly as he spoke. "Besides, we're getting a suite with a king sized bed. After the last four days on that train I need to stretch out a bit!"

I laughed and shook my head as the attendant came over to check us in. I felt guilty seeing the cost of the three rooms Jake had rented for us, noticing that both Jake and I and Seth and Olivia were staying in suites again. My family had given us money and access to an untraceable account overseas. I knew we had access to enough money for food, clothing and shelter of some sort for at least a year, but I still didn't feel right spending so much money on a few nights in what was probably one of the most luxurious hotels in the city of Toronto.

As soon as we opened the door to our suite, however, all of the thoughts and concerns that I had about money disappeared. I gasped and looked around our suite, which was roughly the size of our small house in Alaska. We had a living area, complete with a couch, sitting chair, coffee table and TV set in an elegant cherry wood armoire. The furniture was sleek and modern looking, but covered with more classic fabrics blending the old with the new. The drapes were made of a heavy gold fabric, and the light carpet was so plush I felt like I was walking on air. As I stood and gaped, Jake made his way through the living area and opened a pair of French doors with frosted glass that lead to our bedroom. He immediately dropped the bags, flopped down, face first, onto the large, fluffy white comforter on the bed and groaned his relief.

I giggled and made my way over to the large bedroom, sitting beside him on the bed. "It's beautiful Jake." I said while running my hands over the soft expensive bed covering. "Thank you. It's a lovely surprise."

His head turned to face me as he smiled and pulled me down next to him on the bed. He scooted over until he was on his side and kissed me softly on the lips. He pulled back and skimmed his nose lightly along mine.

"I'm glad you like it," he whispered, and ran his fingers through my curls as he kissed my cheek and jaw.

_Beeeep. Beeeep._

Our heads snapped up, startled at the noise. I noticed the light on the phone next to the bed was flashing, so I scooted up the bed to pick it up.

"Hello?" I said cautiously, wondering who could possibly be calling us after we had just checked in not fifteen minutes ago.

"Hey Ness, it's Seth."

"Oh, hey Seth. How are you and Olivia liking your room?" I asked.

He chuckled, "We're loving it. Did you guys have a chance to check out the flat screens in here yet?"

It was my turn to chuckle now. _Boys and their toys_. "No, but I'm pretty sure Jake was on his way to do just that." I said wryly. "What do you need Seth?"

"Nothing really. I just wanted to let you guys know that Olivia and I will be staying in for the afternoon. She says she's pretty tired, so I'm going to order some room service for lunch and then I think we're just going to watch a movie or take a nap." I glanced at the clock and noticed it was twenty after one. We had actually had a bit of time to sleep in this morning, which we all took advantage of, scooting out of our cabins just in time to get off the train. So I was puzzled with the fact that Olivia was still tired, but I chalked it up to the stress of the last few weeks. I figured it was probably catching up to her; she was the only full blooded human on our journey. I wondered if it was harder for her to keep up with us. I knew all too well that it could be exhausting trying to keep up with creatures that needed a lot less rest than the average person.

"Okay. I was thinking of staying in too." I hadn't showered since the night before last. Jake let me sleep so late this morning that I barely had time to dress and pack before getting off of the train. I had a feeling that if the bathroom was half as nice as the rest of the suite, a nice bubble bath in what was probably a giant tub, with a book would be a good way to spend the afternoon. Jake would probably be more than happy to watch a movie.

"Okay. Let Jake know for me, and we'll call later this afternoon about dinner. Talk to you later Nessie."

"Bye Seth."

I hung up and turned around to find that Jake had already located the flat screen in the bedroom and was busy channel surfing.

"Seth said Olivia's tired. They're going to stay in this afternoon and then call us about dinner later."

Jake nodded. "Did I hear you say that you wanted to stay in too?"

"Yeah, I missed out on my shower yesterday. I thought I might take a bath and read a book or something." I saw his brows knot together a bit and wondered if I was disappointing him. Maybe he wanted to go out and see some sights.

"Did you have something else in mind?" I asked.

"No. That sounds good actually. I think I'll hang out and watch a movie," he said distractedly.

I frowned and contemplated his tone and expression. He didn't seem very happy to be staying in. He was probably just saying that because he knew I wanted to take a bath. I sighed. _Would he ever put himself first?_

"It's ok Jake. If you don't want to stay in I can take a quick shower and be ready to head out in half an hour. We can go see some sights if you want to," I offered, trying hard to sound excited about the idea. I didn't want him to stay in just because I wanted to. We could take a stroll around the city and take in some of the sights. Christmas was only a week away, and all of the shops were decorated. It might actually be nice.

His lips turned up into a half smile. "No, I really do want to stay in this afternoon. I was thinking about dinner actually. I think I'll call Seth while you're in the bath and talk to him about it."

He seemed to be rolling an idea around in his head, but with the way he smirked at me at the end of his sentence I got the feeling he wasn't going to share. I shook my head and smiled back at him. I decided not to ask.

"Okay, well, you know where to find me if you need me."

I grabbed my toiletry bag from the floor and a book from my backpack then made my way into the bathroom off of the bedroom. I turned on the light and then stood in the doorway and gaped – again. The floors were covered in the same light marble as the lobby downstairs. The vanity was a dark cherry wood with a granite countertop and two sunken sinks. The fixtures were a beautiful brushed bronze. The light in the room was actually a small crystal _chandelier. _Off to the side of the room was a stand-up shower, tiled from floor to ceiling in a beautiful mosaic, and in the corner was the largest soaking tub that I had ever seen – it even had jets.

"Wow," I muttered under my breath.

"Hey Ness, did you want some music while you're in there? There's an iPod dock out here and it has a separate output for the bathroom." Jake called from the living room.

I shook my head and giggled at the luxury of it all. _An iPod dock with a separate bathroom output._ _Holy cow!_

"I'd love that, thanks Jake." I called back before shutting the door and heading over to the vanity to put my toiletries down.

"What do you want to listen to?"

I pursed my lips as I thought over my playlists. There were too many options, I couldn't decide.

"Surprise me." I said with a smile. Jake would know what to pick.

I walked over to the tub and cranked the water as high and hot as it would go and watched the steam begin to rise as the water pooled at the bottom of the tub. I let it run over my hand and was surprised to find that it actually didn't feel cold. I guess another perk of expensive hotels was really hot bathwater. It wasn't hot to _me_, but it was rare to have the water get to a temperature that didn't actually feel cold to my hundred and eight degree body. I poured a tiny bit of the hotel's bubble bath in. It smelled richly of vanilla. I smiled and hummed lightly as I turned on the jets and watched the bubbles begin to build.

I was just beginning to undress when the first notes of music filled the air. They were very soft at first, but then Jake adjusted the volume. I smiled to myself as I recognized the notes to one of Jake's favourite bands instrumental number from their new album, and then softly hummed the tune to myself as I stepped into the bath. Jake must have used his own iPod; I didn't have this song on mine, but I knew it well enough from listening to it with him. I settled into the bath and let the music and water surround my body and mind as I closed my eyes.

I breathed in the warm vanilla scent of the bath and focused on the feeling of the water bubbling against my skin. It felt like the most gentle of touches, like small fingers slowly caressing my skin, bones and muscles literally all over my body. There were at least twelve small air jets in the tub, and they seemed to be placed strategically to soothe and relax a person's body in all the right places. It reminded me of how soft and gentle Jake could be when he touched me, like when he ran his fingers over my naked torso the other night. I shivered at the memory and then felt my cheeks redden slightly at the thought. Who knew a bath could remind you of _that_?I smiled. I certainly wasn't complaining.

I sighed happily and slipped down into the water briefly to wet my hair. When I resurfaced I laid my head back on the reclining edge of the tub and focused on making my body as limp as possible, letting my limbs drift in the water. I would never float like a human would, my vampire genes made my body too solid and durable for that, but I could drift and let the currents of the jets brush over me. I sat like that for a long time, just letting the water swirl around me and brush over me. I kept my eyes closed the entire time, trying to empty my mind and forget everything that had happened in the last few weeks. I focused on the movement of the water and the music instead. The calming notes of the music slowly replaced the worries in my mind, breaking through the thick fog-like wall of doubt and pain like rays of sunshine. The water washed away memories of nightmares with blood and violence, cleansing my body of that burn and burden, and the vanilla scent of the bubbles reminded me of warmth, comfort, home and love – in other words it reminded me of Jake.

I smiled to myself as I remembered our last month or so together. I could honestly say I had some of the best times of my life with him the last month. Never in my short life had I felt so... _complete._ Jake had been my big brother and best friend all of my life. We knew each other better than we knew our own selves sometimes. The newer, romantic side of our relationship only seemed to add to the intense connection we shared. It multiplied it, actually – tenfold. And it was wonderful. More than I ever could have asked for. How many young women get to fall in love with their best friend? How many have a man who would do anything for them, who would put her first without ever being asked? How many fell in love with a man who could melt their heart and light their body on fire with just a glance, the brush of a hand against theirs or sweet kiss? How many were lucky enough to have what Jake and I had? I knew the answer was very few. I had grown up surrounded by wonderful examples of true love in my parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles. They were deeply devoted to their partners, as they would be for the rest of eternity. Some people might be worried about the thought of spending eternity with the same person, thinking of the potential monotony and whether or not they would grow apart. But I wasn't. For some reason, even though I had only lived a very short time, I was beginning to feel like any day with Jake, no matter how many more of them there were, would be more wonderful than the day before.

By the time the entire album was done I felt relaxed and reenergized. I stepped out of the bath and grabbed a soft, plush towel from the rack next to the tub, quickly toweled off, then wrapped the towel around my torso. I sorted through my toiletries and make up, setting things out that I would need over the next few days. Trying to stay organized while moving around like nomads was no easy task. I was standing in front of the mirror running a brush through my damp hair when I was startled by a knock on the door.

"Jake?" I called, suddenly realizing that it could only be him.

"Hey Ness, I talked to Seth and – "

The door opened and Jake stepped in a foot or so as he spoke, and then froze and didn't finish his sentence. His mouth hung open a bit as he looked at me and then his eyes quickly darted around the rest of the luxurious bathroom.

"Beautiful isn't it?" I asked as he looked around.

He cleared his throat and looked at the tile floor.

"What? Uh... yeah." He said, still inspecting the tiles. One hand dove into the pocket of his jeans as the other reached for the door. He was just beginning to turn away when I stopped him, confused as to why he had come to see me in the first place.

"Jake?"

"Umm, yeah?" he said, still turning toward the bedroom.

I shook my head in confusion. Why was he acting so strangely?

"Did you want me for something?"

His head turned slowly in my direction, eyes trained on the floor. When his eyes reached the spot in front of my feet he sighed and then turned, walking slowly until he was standing right in front of me, keeping his eyes on my feet the entire time. I glanced down to look at my feet, wondering what had him so interested in them, hoping I hadn't stepped on a stray piece of toilet paper or something, although in a bathroom this well-kept it was highly unlikely. As I lowered my eyes to my toes I suddenly registered the fact that the towel I had wrapped around me was quite small, and barely covered the top few inches of my thighs. I wasn't able to see my lower half in the mirror before... I had no idea. I blushed furiously and felt my body freeze in embarrassment.

As I stiffened I felt something warm brush up the length of my left arm, from my wrist to my shoulder. I felt the left side of my face warm even more as Jake pressed his palm into my cheek. His thumb ran back and forth across my cheekbone in slow, soft strokes.

"It's beautiful in here," he whispered.

I nodded, unable to speak through my embarrassment.

"But I wasn't talking about the room."

My breath caught in my throat and, although I always thought it to be a cliché, I think my heart actually skipped a beat as he spoke.

"And I do want you..." his hand slid from my cheek, fingers skimming down my throat and stopping just above the top of my towel "for something," he finished.

His voice was low and rough, and even though I was still looking at the floor I could see and hear that his breathing has quickened and his heart was beating a bit more quickly than it usually did too.

My temperature rose so quickly at his admission that I thought for sure I had burst into flames.

_Oh my God. Did he just say...? _

_**Oh. My. God.**_

All coherent thought fled my mind as I raised my head slowly and looked into his deep, dark eyes.

_Oh God - his eyes. _Through them I could feel, almost melt into, the desire in his body and the fire in his heart. I think I may have briefly stopped breathing.

He was clenching and unclenching his jaw slightly and his facial expression was so serious it was almost severe. I gasped and my lips parted slightly as he leaned forward to brush his lips lightly across mine.

I responded, pressing my lips to his and leaning into his warmth instinctively.

He snapped his head and hand back quickly, sucking in a gasp and retreating backwards a step, staring at the floor again.

My eyes fluttered open, blinking quickly in confusion at his sudden retreat, wondering if I had done something wrong.

He cleared his throat again.

"Sorry. I uh... I probably shouldn't have done that. I mean, no - not that I didn't want to do that... or, well, just maybe I shouldn't have, while you're – shit." He ran his hand over his face and shook his head a quickly as if to clear it.

I stood, frozen and dumbfounded. Why was he apologizing? I may have been a bit embarrassed with him finding me in only that small hotel bath towel, but it's not like I _minded _his reaction. Just the opposite actually. It was true that I had never seen him so lustful, so _raw... _that he had never been so bold about his desire... Did he think that he had offended me? Was he worried about showing me how he felt? I hoped not, because I didn't mind. Not one bit.

He wanted me. He _wanted_ me.

_Oh. My. God._ My heart was fluttering a million beats a minute, my knees and arms felt like they had turned to jell-o and the rest of me was on fire_. And I loved every second of it_.

"Umm, Seth and I are going out for a bit to get new phones. He and Olivia are going to stay in tonight, so I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me for a little sightseeing and some dinner." He glanced up at me quickly and then looked back down at the floor to wait for my response.

"Okay," I said quietly, still trying to catch my breath from before.

"Good. So, you can just dress comfortably but make sure to wear a jacket, it's pretty cold outside. I'll meet you in the lobby at around four. Olivia and Leah said they'd come up and keep you company while Seth and I are out."

"Okay," I said again. What was wrong with me? It was like I was so frazzled by his gaze and the heat between us that I couldn't speak more than that one word.

"Great! So... I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Okay." Could I really not think of any other words to use? I mentally slapped my forehead as he looked up to give me a quick smile and then swiftly left the room, closing the door behind him.

I huffed out a breath and turned toward the counter pressing my palms to it for support. When I looked up to see myself I was surprised to see the very dark shade of pink that I had turned. I was fortunate that I had half vampire DNA, or I'm sure that my blush would have been the deep tomato-like red that my mom used to turn when she was human – my dad, Jake and Uncle Emmett still tease her about that.

"You ok Nessie?" Olivia asked quietly, bringing me back to the present. I glanced at us in the mirror and noticed that I was pink once again thinking about Jake and I in this very same bathroom just a couple of hours ago. My hair was done. It was smooth and shiny, hanging like a soft curtain around my shoulders. Jake mentioned that he liked it straightened at dinner on the train the other night, so I decided to do it again.

I spun around to give Olivia a quick hug and thanked her. As I pulled back she smiled lightly, but it didn't reach her eyes. Looking closer, I noticed that her eyes were ringed with a light shade of grey, and her complexion was off... she seemed a bit pale and her colour was greenish. She was already pale by nature, and coming from a half vampire that statement should mean a lot, but when you factored in the green tinge with the grey circles in contrast with her glassy, bright, ice-blue eyes and jet black hair it was a bit concerning.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, holding on to her tiny shoulders and shifting her farther back to get a better look at her.

She smiled a small smile. "Yeah, I'm just really tired today. And I'm a bit achy too. I think I'm probably coming down with the flu or something. I don't really feel too badly – just tired. Seth and I are just going to relax tonight," she said softly.

I nodded and then glanced at Leah who was now looking over at her with concern too.

"Well, I'm going to get dressed, so you can head back to your room if you want to. I'm pretty sure Jake and Seth are back by now. I'm supposed to be meeting Jake in the lobby in a few minutes."

"I'll walk back with you," Leah said to Olivia, who nodded.

I promised myself as they left that I would make sure to stay in and keep Olivia company tomorrow if she still wasn't feeling well.

I turned back to the bed and smirked at the outfit Leah had finally chosen for me to wear. It was comfortable, and date appropriate... but it was also perfect for the plans I had for tonight. Leah had no idea what I wanted to do, but she did have an idea or two about how to get at Jake. I smiled widely before getting dressed quickly and heading out to the elevator to meet Jake in the lobby for our date.

**JPOV**

I sat on one of the chairs in the lobby that faced the entrance. I had hoped to get a chair facing the elevators so I could see Nessie when she came out, but both chairs facing in that direction were occupied by a stiff couple in their late thirties or early forties. They had their luggage on the floor between them. The wife was reading a thick romance novel while the husband was doing something on his iPhone.

I smiled lightly to myself as I thought about the surprise I had waiting for Nessie in Seth and Olivia's room. I pulled my own brand new iPhone out of my pocket and began fiddling with the features while I waited for her. When I talked to Edward last Nessie was in the bath. I filled him in on where we were and asked him for an update so that we could decide where to go next. He didn't give me an update though, which pissed me off, more than a bit, but he honestly didn't seem to have time. He was in a really big rush, speaking so quickly I could barely make out his words and said that phone calls would have to be limited from here on in. I asked for an explanation but, again, he didn't have time to give one. I would have been worried, but he said that everything was fine; he just didn't want to stay on the phone any longer than it was absolutely necessary to. Edward did say that he had set up contracts for each one of us to get our own iPhones. All Seth and I had to do was go and pick them up. That was where we went this afternoon. Now we would be able to e-mail or text each other or any of the rest of the Cullens when we needed to talk to them.

I felt the air move around me and immediately recognized her scent as she walked around to the front of the chair I sat in - peaches with just a hint of vanilla. I inhaled deeply through my nose and closed my eyes briefly remembering the cause of the delicious addition to her scent – her bath this afternoon had been scented with vanilla. As long as I live I don't think I'll ever forget the sight and smell of her, damp and warm from the bath and wrapped only in that tiny, soft hotel towel. Her pale smooth skin, her damp veil of wet hair, her long, barely covered and perfectly sculpted legs – she was gorgeous, amazing, beautiful and _incredibly sexy_.

I shook my head slightly and chastised myself for thinking about her like that – _again._ It was all I could think about for the last couple of hours. Her, in nothing but that towel, pressed up against me, kissing me. I'm not even sure how Seth put up with me. I was in a complete daze the whole time we were out this afternoon.

I opened my eyes, willing the image from earlier today away, trying to focus on my plans for this evening. Unlike earlier today, where I had to restrain myself from mauling her in the bathroom, I planned to be a perfect gentleman tonight.

And then all of my plans went straight to hell.

Those legs, _those legs that I had spent all afternoon thinking about_, were situated right in front of my now very widely opened eyes, clad in nothing but black tights and a _very short jean skirt. _It was just as short as the towel from earlier today. It was like a repeat of earlier except that her skin was covered with fabric. Even so, the effect was the same.

I swallowed thickly to suppress the groan that threatened to escape my lips, and shifted my gaze up to meet hers. She was smiling down at me, with a mysterious twinkle in her eye that I had never seen before. Her long copper-bronze hair was straight again, and I noted that it really made her large brown eyes stand out. She was wearing very little make-up, but I did notice that she had some sheer lip gloss on that made her lips look plump and a little bit shiny.

I stood up, suddenly very glad that I had chosen to wear a longer leather jacket tonight, or she would have a very clear idea of just how far from a gentleman I was feeling at that very moment. My jeans were straining for the second time today, over my very hard erection, so I decided to grab her hand instead of pulling her in for a hug. I leaned down and placed a very soft kiss on her shiny, full lips.

"Hey baby," I said softly, "I missed you this afternoon." _That_ was the understatement of the century.

She smiled against my lips and giggled softly. "I missed you too," she said, and then leaned in for the hug I had tried to avoid.

I felt my entire body stiffen a bit when she came in contact with my length. There was no hiding it from her now. I felt her soft kiss on my neck and buried my face in her hair inhaling her intoxicating scent. I relaxed into our embrace when she giggled - _yes giggled_ - and pressed her hips a bit closer. I figured there was no point in denying it. She didn't seem to be bothered by my very obvious arousal, like I thought she might be. I didn't think it would freak her out, just thought she might be shy or embarrassed about it. I was more than surprised, albeit pleasantly so, with this reaction. It was actually a bit of a relief not to feel like I should hide it from her.

"I like your skirt," I whispered into her ear.

She giggled again and then nodded before leaning back and looking me in the eye.

"I'm glad," she said seriously with a small smile playing on her lips.

I smiled back and leaned in to kiss her properly. I had, after all, broken our kiss earlier, and I knew she was a bit upset and confused about the fact that I pulled away so abruptly. I just couldn't do it then. I was on the edge of losing my self-control and lowering my hand just that last half an inch to slip my finger under that towel and pull it away from her. And judging by the shade of red she turned when she realized what she was wearing when I came in, I doubted she would have been comfortable with being seen in any less than what she already had been. So I pulled away and put some space between us before I lost it and embarrassed her even more.

I pulled back from our kiss, feeling my blood flowing like lava through my body. I grabbed her hand again and started to head toward the door, looking forward to our date. I smiled at her and pulled her into my side and she smiled back as we walked through the front doors and out onto the sidewalk.

"Hey buddy, you're going the wrong way! If I had a girl like that on my arm I'd be heading straight up to a room and locking myself away with her for the rest of the night."

I tensed, growled under my breath, and turned my head to see a blonde guy in khakis and a wool coat leaning against the building having a cigarette. He looked at me and winked, raising his eyebrows as I sneered and looked over at Nessie, who was tugging on my hand.

"Don't pay any attention to him Ness," I grumbled, "he's just a jerk."

I thought she would have been upset, or offended, maybe even embarrassed at his comment. But she just smiled and shook her head, shrugging her shoulders. She had surprised me again. She seemed a bit more, mature or ... confident tonight maybe? I shook my head in return.

_Well,_ I decided, _if she wasn't going to let the jerk's comment bother her, then neither was I._

We walked around the streets of Toronto, hand in hand, looking at Christmas displays and talking about anything and everything. It was light, easy and fun. We hadn't had a chance to just hang out in a while, by ourselves. We used to do this all the time at home, when life was a bit less complicated, only now, we got the added bonus of sneaking in a kiss or grabbing the other person in for a hug every once in a while. It was the perfect way to spend a couple of hours together on what was only our official second date. It seemed funny to count things like that. Like spending time with her like this was any more important than spending time with her on any other normal day. It wasn't, really. Every day with her was a good day, it didn't matter what we were doing. But she was happy tonight, smiling more than I had seen her smile in weeks, and that made me officially the happiest man on earth. I would do anything to make her face light up the way it was now, staring at the Christmas tree in Nathan Philip's square, watching families skate together on the ice rink they had in the middle of the city.

At around six I walked Nessie in the direction of my first surprise for the evening. We rounded the corner of the busy city block and I stopped her in front of the shiny black and silver machine. I turned to her and smiled widely, raising and lowering my eyebrows a few times suggestively.

She squealed happily and jumped up and down, making me laugh.

"Jake! You're taking me on a bike ride? It's been so long! And she's beautiful! How... where... when did you get her?" She blurted out excitedly.

I had taught Nessie to drive a motorcycle while were in Alaska. She was pretty good, and really wanted to get her license, but we hadn't had time before everything started happening. We had only been on a bike together a few times, but every time we did it she said she loved the speed and freedom of it.

"Seth came with me this afternoon to rent it. She's pretty fast, which is good, because we have to drive a fair ways out of the city to get to our dinner destination." I held out the small black helmet to her. "Ready?"

She nodded and quickly slipped the helmet over her head as I mounted the bike and slipped mine on. She stepped up to the bike and lifted her leg over it, planting one of her Converse-clad feet on either side. In the past when we had ridden together she sat behind me and grabbed tightly on to my waist for support. She did it again tonight, but instead of keeping her back straight like she used to, she leaned in, pressing her chest to my back. Her legs, _those legs_, also pressed in towards my thighs tightly. It was just slightly different, but somehow, so much more... intimate. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was enjoying every second of it, because I was.

I took off and quickly left the city behind, hitting open highway and cruising for about an hour before getting off at a dimly-lit exit. I turned down a few country roads, and then found the small dirt-path I had been looking for, the one the guy at the store had promised me I would find. I turned in and drove up the path for another twenty minutes or so. At that point I figured we had gone far enough where no one would see us, or suspect we were even there. I parked the bike and got off, leaving the lights on so she could look around a bit.

Nessie got off the bike and removed her helmet, shaking out her long, beautiful red hair over her own fitted leather jacket, before looking at me with questions in her eyes. I swore at that moment that God or the devil was out to destroy what little self control I had left today. Standing there before me was a bike-riding angel in fitted leather, converse, tights and a mini-skirt. She was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

I smiled and swallowed back another groan as I placed my own helmet on one of the handle bars.

"I seem to remember making a promise to take you hunting. I know there are no polar bears around here, but there are moose, boars believe it or not, and even a few bears." I gestured towards the woods with my hand as I spoke.

She clasped a hand over her mouth and looked at me with her big brown eyes. She was silent for a minute before whispering, "You're taking me hunting?"

I nodded and before I knew it she had her arms around my shoulders and was squeezing me in a tight hug. I laughed and hugged her back, happy to have made her that happy.

We worked out which direction we wanted to go in and I told Nessie to head on into the woods without me so I could phase. I listened to her footsteps and when I figured she was far enough away I stripped off my clothes and pulled at the familiar heat that helped me change into my wolf form. I relaxed immediately, grateful for the fact that my arousal would not be evident in this form, because my human form had definitely not relaxed _at all_ over the evening. As a matter of fact, it only seemed to get worse. I was reciting the wildlife facts and hunting statistics I had learned from the clerk today at the sporting goods store the entire bike ride up here, just to avoid thinking about the pain of what was straining against my jeans between my legs.

I caught up with Nessie quickly. She was waiting for me about twenty feet into the trees. I walked up to her and nuzzled my nose into her neck. In my wolf form I was quite a bit taller than her, so I actually had to bend a bit to do it. She turned, with a light smile playing across her lips and ran her hand along the underside of my neck. I felt a groan rumble through my chest that probably sounded more like a purr to her. She leaned in and planted a small kiss on my nose. I shivered.

I was powerless to disguise my reactions to her touch. She appealed to me so much, and today, I even felt the attraction in this form. She turned and took off in a sprint, laughing loudly, while I stood there in a bit of a daze. I shook my head and took off after her.

She was lowered into a crouch when I found her. I stayed back far enough to let her stalk her prey independently, not wanting to alert it, or her, to my presence. I took some time to observe her. She was standing in the shadows of a few large trees, crouched over, lithely and slowly creeping to her right to get the angle she needed to attack and take the moose she had cornered by surprise. She had taken her jacket off and hung it on a tree close to where I was standing. She wore a loose fitting black graphic t-shirt. It was short sleeved and only hung on one shoulder, leaving the other completely exposed. The only piece of fabric on that side was a short sleeve hanging loosely around her long and slender arm.

Without warning she leapt forward and lunged at the moose. She passed through a break in the trees as she flew mid-air and was briefly lit up by the light of the moon. She was breathtaking in her form and beauty. Like a lioness on the prowl her back was slightly arched and her head thrown a bit back, her red hair flowing out in a gorgeous fiery mane behind her. Her muscles coiled and sprang forward gracefully as she took out the moose with one quick twist of his head, effectively snapping its neck before it even knew what hit him. She was on the ground beside him, draining him, before his body even had a chance to settle on the forest floor.

I shook my head again and left her then, heading off to find my own meal. I stayed within ear shot of her the whole time and within eyesight when I could. We hunted for nearly two hours, both catching and consuming various animals. The game here was different than both Washington and Alaska, but we both seemed to find enough to satisfy our appetites.

I marveled at her the whole time, noticing how different she was this time then the last time we hunted. Again, she seemed more confident and sure of herself than ever before. She was swift and cunning, graceful and lethal... and again I couldn't help thinking that it was sexy as all hell.

We eventually made our way back, I raced ahead of her a bit to beat her to the bike so I could phase and dress before she got there. I was leaning against the bike, helmet in my hands, when she made her way out of the trees. She was flushed from hunting and her cheeks had a deeper shade of peach in the creamy white, a side effect from the hunt. She smiled and grabbed her own helmet off of the back seat.

"Ready to head back?" I asked, smiling back at her.

"Yes," she said quietly "and thanks Jake. It's been a long time. I needed that."

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, noticing that it was even warmer than usual. After hunting her temperature rises just slightly, warming with the extra blood in her system. It amplified her scent too, which made me want to inhale it in gulps. But I didn't need any extra temptation today, so I satisfied myself with one long breath and then, reluctantly, pulled away.

We slipped our helmets on, resumed our former positions on the bike and headed back to the city. I parked the bike where we had picked it up, which was only a few blocks away from the hotel. The guy I rented it from was waiting with a friend in a car behind us. I paid him extra in cash earlier and he agreed to pick up the bike at night when we were done and then make sure that it made its way back to the lot safely.

After I thanked him and handed over the bike, helmets and keys Nessie and I walked hand in hand in silence back to the hotel. She stopped just outside of the entryway and turned to face me.

"I had a great time tonight Jake. I miss just... hanging out with you, you know?"

I nodded my head in agreement. I knew exactly what she meant.

"Me too." I said.

I smirked, realizing that we were technically at her front door, at the end of a date. So I leaned in and did exactly what a guy should do after escorting his girl to the door, and kissed her softly. I had my hands on her hips and she had her hands around my neck. I felt the heat course through my veins as we kissed for what seemed like a lifetime, not caring who was around to see, or what was going on around us. It was just her, and me and love and heat. It was perfect.

"I love you," I said quietly as I pulled away from her.

"I love you too," she said, sending chills down my spine with the depth of sincerity in her tone.

We laced our fingers together and made our way back to our room in silence. When we got there we took turns changing into our pajamas and brushing our teeth to get ready for bed. I opted for a pair of dark grey track pants and no shirt tonight. I hope she didn't mind, but I knew she was going to be a bit warmer than usual tonight after her hunt and it was bound to get hot snuggling next to her all night. The only other option was _not_ to cuddle up next to her... and after the day I had that was not an option. I needed to be with her, near her in any way I could tonight. I'd have to work hard not to let the raging desire I had for her take over, but it was better than lying on the other side of the bed, holding her hand.

I was lying in bed, facing the window when she came out of the bathroom. I didn't turn to look at her as she made her way to the bed. I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent, so sweet and warm... peaches, honey and vanilla from her bath. She crawled in and cuddled up next to me, running her hands up and down my back. It felt amazing, her petite but strong fingers running over my muscles and bones – it reminded me of the night before Billy's funeral and when she massaged my shoulders and back for me.

I turned to face her. She was smiling lightly at me.

"I like the improvement to your pajamas," she said quietly.

My eyes just about popped out of my head in shock at her rather bold comment, as she ran a hand lightly down my chest and abs, the same way her hands had been running over my back. I shivered under her touch and leaned in to kiss her shoulder. She was wearing a tank top tonight, with skinny straps, leaving her shoulders, neck and collarbones completely exposed. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I noticed that even though it was just stretchy cotton, it was low cut and very attractive on her. She shivered in return. I leaned back to look into her eyes for an immeasurable moment, wondering what she was thinking. She was so different tonight...

I didn't have to wonder long.

She leaned in and kissed me, softly, but passionately on the lips, her fingertips running up and down my chest as she pulled first my lower lip, then my upper lip between her soft ones. I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips this time. My self-control was slipping, quickly.

I kissed her back, running my tongue along her lips slowly, tasting her, and loving her warmth. She cuddled in close to me until we were pressed together with just a few thin layers of cotton separating us. She opened her mouth to me and her tiny, hot tongue met mine. She whimpered softly as the kiss deepened, our hands now roving freely, hers over my chest and mine over her back.

I felt it building... the burning, the boiling, the pure unadulterated lust and desire for this beautiful girl I held in my arms. Every second of contact was adding fuel to the fire. Every time our lips met, pulling and pushing against each other, every step and swirl our tongues danced together was fanning the flames. I was struggling, literally panting and shaking to maintain control.

And then I made the move that was my undoing.

I slid my hand down her side, grazing the side of her breast, over her waist and past her hips as we kissed frantically. And when my hand moved lower, over her hip and down to her leg...

_Those legs. _

It was bare.

She was wearing what could possibly be known as the world's shortest pair of cotton shorts... and I was touching _those legs_. I moaned, loudly and dropped my forehead to her chest as I watched myself lightly run my hand over her slender, perfectly sculpted, creamy white thigh. That was it for me. Pure, unadulterated, unbridled lust coursed through my veins, tumbling and mixing in with the lava, igniting it into a liquid fire that seared my mind, heart, body and soul with its strength.

Her breathing was heavy and she whimpered a bit. I looked up at her, unable to conceal the desire in my gaze. She gasped lightly and then gripped my face in her hands, pulling me up to her for a strong and passionate kiss.

She moaned into my mouth and it shot liquid fire straight down to my straining and aching length. Without really deciding to, I wrapped my hand around her calf and pulled her knee up to my hip, slowly sliding my hand down to her ankle while wrapping her leg around my waist. I ran a hand down her thigh as I lined myself up with her heat and rocked against her centre.

We both moaned, although hers was unmistakably sexier than mine, because she said my name. Again, liquid fire raced through my veins, causing my muscles to coil and everything to rush, and push down to my erection.

"Jake," she whisper-gasped again.

I hummed and nuzzled her neck, kissing her behind her ear as I rocked into her again.

"Oh god, Jake... I... I want..." she panted.

I smirked and rocked into her again, loving the sound of her panting, my name and the word _want_ in one short, sweet sentence.

I leaned back to look at her. She was flushed, a dark peach-pink colour staining her creamy cheeks, her dark eyes hooded with lust, her straight red hair was fanned out around her, like a river of red lava... and she was biting her lip. So _fucking _sexy.

"Jake," she whispered quietly, running her fingers from my chest down to my abs, resting just under my navel, "I want to touch you."

I froze. I don't even think I breathed.

_Did she just ask to...? Does that mean she wants to... to touch... oh God._

As I debated how to react her hand slipped lower, past the waistband of my pants and then her fingertips grazed me _there_ very lightly. That one touch was enough to wake me out of my stupor.

"Wait," I panted breathlessly, "Ness, I... wait." This was new for us, and even though I was horny as hell I wasn't going to deny that it was a big step. I didn't want her to think that she had to do this now. I was fine with what we had done so far. I didn't want her to feel like we needed to do something new all the time, we could just do what we had done before and it would be great.

"You... you don't have to. We can just... just do what we've been doing." I leaned in and kissed her lightly, trying to let her know that even though I was definitely letting the passion and desire I had carefully controlled run a bit wild tonight, I still respected her and wanted to do things at her pace.

She looked into my eyes, kissed me softly on the cheek and then placed her free hand, palm down on my chest. My breath left my body in a huff. My head was swimming with a vision of pure lust, love and want... her and I connected in so many different ways, most of them in ways that brought _me_ pleasure – it was overwhelming.

I gasped and rolled over onto my back, trying to take it all in. She followed me, lying on her side, the leg that was behind my back, now draped over my thigh, her palm still on my chest, the other hand now back on stomach, just above the waist of my pants.

_She wanted to. _

She said it with words... and she showed me in her vision.

"I want to make you feel good," she said so softly it was almost hard to hear. And with that, she slid her hand down, and _under the waistband of my pants and boxers_...

And I let her.

Her hand shook a little with nerves, as she grazed my length from top to bottom with her fingertips. I felt myself twitch, and I'm sure she did too, and I shuddered and wrapped my arms around her tightly as I moaned softly. I had never been touched _there_ by a woman before... but I knew, in that moment when her hot fingers connected with my smooth and rock hard length that nothing, _no one_ could ever feel as good her. She was everything that was good.

She ran her fingertips lightly up and down a few times, her strokes getting firmer each time, and always circled the head lightly when she reached the top. I sighed her name, and then leaned down to kiss her lips.

She pulled away after a few seconds, and continued her light stroking, but slowed as she spoke.

"Jake, I... I just don't know... I'm not sure what to do about..." she stammered out.

I looked at her face; she seemed to be confused about something. I hoped it wasn't about whether or not I was enjoying myself, because that would be very typical of her, but also completely unnecessary.

"Baby, what is it?" I asked and then closed my eyes and stifled a moan as she circled the head with fingers, using more pressure than she had before.

"I'm just not sure about my... my _palms_, and what... or how..." she huffed out a breath and blushed a bright shade of pink.

My eyes widened as I understood her worry. She was worried about her palms, on me, skin to skin... her visions. I had to admit, I wasn't sure how that would work either, although I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it would make things more exponentially more intimate. I would be privy to her private thoughts while she... _touched_ me. It was incredibly exposing for her, in the most intimate of ways.

"Ness," I said stoking her cheek with my knuckles, "you don't have to do that. It feels good already... we don't have to."

She shook her head at me. "I want to Jake... I just don't know how it will work out. But I know the only way to figure that out is to try... if you're willing to try with me."

I thought about it, and as appealing an idea as it was, I didn't think it was a good idea, especially since it was a first for both of us. We both deserved to reserve private thoughts and opinions about the experience until we had a better sense of what we felt about it.

I reached down to her and gently grabbed the hand on me. I could see the frustration and disappointment in her eyes as I pulled it back and away from me. She was about to protest when I slipped it down, back under my pants, but over my boxers.

"Why don't we try it this way for tonight?" I asked quietly. She bit her lip.

"Would it still... would you still – like it that way? With clothes on, I mean?" she asked as she began to run her fingertips over me again.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Yes."

She furrowed her brow, she seemed to be thinking about it and I could tell she didn't necessarily believe me.

"Baby, do you remember the other night on the train... when you and I were, well _together_, and were both wearing clothes and you..." I took a deep breath and prayed I didn't embarrass her by admitting it out loud, "you came?"

She blushed a bit and nodded, biting her lip and looking down. I tipped her head up and raised my eyebrows as I looked at her, hoping she would put two and two together without me having to explain it more, for her sake more than mine. I didn't find it embarrassing to talk about with her, I was used to hearing about things from the others in the pack, but she did find it a bit embarrassing because it was new to her.

Suddenly her eyes lit up and I could see that she understood. She smiled and nodded a bit, then leaned over and kissed me softly on the mouth at the same time as she wrapped her entire hand around my length.

I moaned into her mouth as I kissed her. Her hand, so warm, so soft around me, felt like heaven. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her passionately as she began slow, firm strokes from the top down, applying more pressure each time. With each stroke I grew warmer and harder, just completely filled with love and desire for her.

I began running my hands over her again. I started at her knee and slowly ran my fingertips up her long thigh to her hip and then back a bit, lightly over her behind. She whimpered and panted a bit as I continued my way up to her waist and under her shirt then slipped my hand over her breast and –

_Holy shit... no bra. How had I not noticed this before? Oh, right, her hands were on me _there._ Apparently I was too distracted to notice the fact that my gorgeous girlfriend was lying here with me _braless_, while we were making out. _

I tentatively placed my hand over her breast and gave it a light squeeze. She moaned and threw her head back, something I took as a very good sign, and then added more pressure to my length as she stroked it.

"Oh, Ness," I half spoke, half moaned as I continued to knead her breast and she stroked me.

My mind was clouded with lust and need and all I wanted to do was just touch her and have her keep touching me. She consumed every bit of my heart, mind, body and soul like this. Nothing else mattered, no one else existed... just her.

At some point I began moving my hips in time with her hand. I was kissing her neck, licking her jaw, her lips, kissing her mouth and now running my thumb over her pebbled nipple. She cried out my name and threw her head back again as I rolled her nipple in between my thumb and forefinger softly. I dropped my head to her chest and began panting.

I felt the pressure build inside me, like a hot torrent of lava building up at the base of the mountain. Without warning, she swirled her wrist around as her hand descended my length, circling and stoking it at the same time.

I groaned loudly and leaned my mouth down to capture her breast in between my lips through her shirt.

She gasped and cried out in pleasure, tensing all over and causing her hand to clench around me as she stroked and swirled her wrist one last time...

And then I was gone.

I moaned her name as I felt the heat reach its peak and the pressure give way. Each and every muscle in my body contracted toward the centre and convulsed with the force of my body's reaction to her touch, her love.

I whispered her name again as I came down, pulling her to me, kissing her softly and showing her with light touches how much I loved her. I hoped she understood how well she had accomplished her goal, how good she made me feel.

I pulled back to look in her eyes, questioning her as I slid my hand to the waist of her shorts. "Can I...?" Surprisingly, she shook her head. I was confused to say the least. I knew she was aroused, I could feel her heat, the dampness between her legs; I could smell her intoxicating scent. But she didn't want me to return the favour.

"No, Jake. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you. I want it to be that way," she said softly, taking my hand and kissing it lightly.

I opened my mouth to protest, but she put a finger over my lips to silence me. I shook my head at her, but resigned myself to her wishes. I wouldn't do anything she didn't want to do. Maybe she wasn't ready for that yet.

I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a box of Kleenex to clean myself up with. She smiled shyly and asked if I wanted her to go and get me a clean pair of boxers. I chuckled and shook my head, leaving the bed to change into a clean pair myself. I went to the washroom first and cleaned up properly, shaking my head at the memory of her in front of the mirror earlier today. I slipped on my clean boxers and walked back into the bedroom, sliding in behind her on the bed. I pulled her close to me and buried my face in her hair.

"I love you so much. Thank you, baby. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but it was... wonderful." I murmured into her hair.

"You do everything for me Jake. You take care of me, protect me, treat me like I'm special and you... love me. You make me feel so good every day. I wanted to make you feel good too. I love you too," she whispered softly.

I shook my head. She thought _I _was the one taking care of _her. _She thought _I_ was the one making _her _feel special. If only she knew how much she did those things for me, every day, without even trying.

I'd be willing to bet money that she didn't. So I made some goals for myself. I promised myself that I would make sure to acknowledge everything she did for me, either with words, or a soft touch or a kiss, to say thank you... just so she would know. And I promised myself to return the favour she had done for me, to make her feel as wanted and loved as she made me feel tonight. It was the least of what she deserved.

With that in mind, I kissed her temple and wrapped my arms around her tightly. We talked a bit, thinking about what we wanted to do the next day. Nessie was hoping Olivia would be feeling better and would be up to doing a bit of sightseeing or shopping with her and Leah. She was worried about her, and decided that she would spend the day with her tomorrow, whether or not she was sick and staying in or feeling well enough to go out. I shook my head and smiled lightly, thinking about what a good friend she was, always putting the needs of others ahead of herself. It was one of the things I loved most about her, even if she did do it to a fault. I agreed and said that Seth and I would hang out with them if they stayed in. As long as I was with her, I didn't care what we were doing, it would be a good day.

Ah, so Jake finally gets some release! Poor guy has been waiting long enough! LOL!

Thanks again for your patience with my updates on here, I really do appreciate it.

~Hitchy


	32. The Value of Fear

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the PoD.**

**** NOTE Please pay attention to the timeline mentioned at the top of this short chapter****

**Chapter 32– The Value of Fear**

**Chapter Song: Dark Shines ~ Muse**

Passing by you light up my darkest skies  
You take only seconds to draw me in  
So be mine and your innocence I will consume

Dark shines  
Bringing me down  
Making my heart feel sore  
Because it's good

Hold your hands up to your eyes again  
Hide from the scary scenes, suppress your fears  
So be mine and your innocence I will consume

Dark shines  
Bringing me down  
Making my heart feel sore  
Because it's good  
You're dark shines  
Bringing me down  
Making my heart feel sore  
Because it's good

Dark shines  
Bringing me down  
Making my heart feel sore  
Because it's good 

_Dark Shines ~ Muse_

**Unknown POV**

*****Three weeks from now*****

I sat in my office chair, looking out of the window into the darkness of the night. The lights were off, my desk cleared, all distractions of any sort put to the wayside as I awaited word from my advisors. I drummed my fingertips on the arm of my chair as I waited. It was taking too long. I should have heard something by now. I did not like to be kept waiting. There was a timeline to adhere to... and if we didn't there would be no guarantee any of this would work... _and it had to work. I would not fail. SHE WOULD BE MINE._

The room was cloaked in a veil of darkness. I left the lights off as often as I could, trying to get a feel for what it would be like for her, to figure out how to get under her skin. My creator called it a gift, this talent I had for tapping into people's inner most fears. I didn't feel the same way about it. It was smart. It was real. It was effective. You could bribe people with many different things, and yet still have them refuse you. But if you threatened them, if they feared you and knew without a shadow of a doubt that you would follow through on anything and everything... if you had no limits, fear was truly your friend. They would do anything, be anything... they would be at your mercy. And _she_ would be no different.

It was easy to see what motivated her. She was compassionate and loving, her attachment to her family and that pack of _dogs_ she hung around with was evident. She was in love with one of them. The big brown one. And he with her. And I, for one, couldn't be happier about it. It was perfect timing really. If I had learned anything in my few years on earth I had learned that love seemed to be the greatest motivator of all. Threaten the one someone loves and you will have your way.

I smiled lightly to myself. Yes, this was working out better than I had imagined. It was almost too easy. After years of planning and waiting, this was all coming to a head quite nicely. Our plans were almost completed. The stage was set and the key players almost ready to take their places in the spotlight.

I knew I was ready to take mine - with her at my side we would truly be unstoppable.

Between her and I... there would be no one who could resist. She had what I wanted, what I needed... and as soon as I had her everything else would be mine. The world, and everyone in it, would be at our feet.

I heard footsteps down the hall and turned to face the doorway of the room expectantly. When the knock came I sucked in a deep breath and prepared myself for either outcome. If the results were good, and they had accomplished their latest task, the last of the groundwork would be done. All that would be left for us to do was wait. If not... I would have a busy night. I sighed thinking about the promises I had made to those responsible for this task before they left. I had no desire to follow through on my threats tonight. I had been working all day and was tired, not in the mood for the level of concentration it would take to inflict the amount of pain promised. But I would do it. They would know just how much they disappointed me if they had failed. Because if they failed, I could too. And that would not happen. They had to be made to understand. I wished they realized that _she_ was just as important to them as she was to me. If I had her I would not have to follow through on promises of pain and anguish to get my point across. I would not have to kill or maim. They would understand, and our numbers would rise exponentially without the kinds of losses we might suffer tonight.

A light rap on my door told me that my advisor had arrived. I bid them to come in and saw their shadow as they crossed from the light of the hallway into the dark of my office. I kept my eyes trained on the face of my most trusted advisor, noticing the carefully composed expression and tension they carried in their shoulders as they approached.

"It is done."

I nodded to my advisor, waiving them off and waiting for them to close the door behind them. I walked over to my desk and unlocked the top drawer. Carefully sliding my hands around it, I clasped the box in my hand and removed the last piece... the black king. I set it on my desk and sat, smiling widely, knowing that after years of planning and waiting it would be less than one month before I was joined by my queen.

Ugh, so yeah, the PoD is creepy. This chapter was very short, but important. I thought you might like a little glimpse into his mind. More from him later.

Next chapter – back to Jake and Nessie.

Thanks again for your patience with my updates on here, I really do appreciate it.

~Hitchy


	33. Avoiding the Risks

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's protection of Nessie in this chapter.**

**Chapter 33 – Avoiding the Risks**

**JPOV**

I woke up the next morning to the beeping of the phone in our room.

_Beeep. Beeep._

I grumbled a bit as I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock, noticing that it was only seven thirty in the morning. Nessie sighed and stretched against me, beginning to wake up. I shifted carefully so as not to roll over on her as I reached across her body to grab the phone.

"Hello," I grumbled, my voice still thick with sleep.

"Jake, sorry to wake you man. I know it's early, but we've got a bit of a problem."

I shook my head forcing myself into a state of alertness. He sounded worried and distressed. Seth is hardly ever worried or distressed.

"What is it?" I said, immediately glancing around the dark room, sharpening my senses, looking for any sign of a threat. I felt my free arm wrap around Nessie, pulling her to me tightly.

"Olivia's still not feeling well, she's got a splitting headache. So I left the room few minutes ago to run down the street to that pharmacy we passed yesterday to get her something. I was crossing the street when I smelt it – a fresh trail, not even minutes old... but it wasn't – _normal_. I don't know how to describe it Jake, it was definitely one of them, but just _off_ somehow. If the scent had been any older and had mixed in with a bunch of other human scents, I might not have been able to catch it."

I growled and sat up, causing Nessie to gasp and scoot up against the headboard. She whispered my name and asked me what was wrong. I shook my head and held up a finger, silently asking her to wait for an explanation.

"Where are you now Seth?"

"I ran straight back to my room and called you. Olivia's here, and fine, all things considered. That's not it though Jake. Where's your cell phone?"

Cell phone? Why was he asking me about my cell phone? I thought about it for a minute. When we came back last night I left my jacket in the living room, the cell phone was in it. I grabbed Nessie's hand and bobbed my head towards the living room, silently asking her come with me.

"It's in the other room, we're going to get it now." I said as she slid off the bed to join me.

"Nessie's has been ringing non-stop over here since I left the room. Olivia looked at it and said all the calls came from the same number. Edward's been trying to get a hold of us. I tried to pick up the last call, but I just missed it. I thought about calling him back, but then figured he'd want to talk to you so..."

"Got it Seth." I picked up my own phone and noticed 5 missed calls, all from Edward's number. _Shit._ _He's not going to be pleased with me for missing those_...

_I _wasn't pleased with me for missing those. I had been too caught up in things last night to remember to bring the phone into the bedroom with us. I should have known better, damn it.

"I'll call him now. Seth, call Leah and see if she's ok." I asked as the phone lit up, vibrated and rang in my hands. I checked the display – it was Edward.

"On it," he said and hung up.

I held the phone to my ear and kissed Nessie's forehead head as she looked up to me with frantic, worried eyes. I pressed the button to answer.

"Jacob?" I heard Edward growl before I could even say a word. If Seth sounded worried, Edward was ten times as bad. And as I guessed before, he was pissed. Couldn't say that I blamed him this time though.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry about the phone, we were sleeping, and it was in the other room, so we didn't hear –"

"We'll talk about that later," he cut in. I was immediately worried. If Edward was missing out on an opportunity to chastise me something was wrong – very wrong.

"Is everyone ok over there?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes. Well at least I think so. Seth's calling Leah right now to make sure. Look, Edward, what's wrong? I knew something was up the last time I spoke to you, but you said you couldn't explain. I need you to keep me filled in over here. I tried contacting Sam last night, but he wasn't around to talk."

I heard an exasperated sigh from the other end of the phone before he launched in to his explanation.

"Sam was on his way back to La Push last night. We got a call from Paul yesterday... there's been some trouble on the reservation."

I sucked in a deep breath and fought the tremors that were shaking my hands. _Trouble on the reservation. Why hadn't anyone called me?_ Given the current situation trouble could only mean one thing. I felt my anger rise, and my entire form began to tremble.

Nessie was looking into my eyes with her troubled ones, rubbing soothing circles on my arms with her hands.

"Who?" I spat through my teeth. My jaw was locked with the tension of trying to force myself to stay calm.

"Kaya," he said quietly.

I groaned and hung my head, letting it fall on Nessie's. Kaya - Jared's younger sister.

"She may not be dead Jacob. She was walking home from school yesterday and didn't make it all the way there. When she was about half an hour late getting home, her mother got worried and called Jared. He met with Paul and Embry and they traced her usual path to and from school and caught a scent about two thirds of the way back to her house. The scent was light and only in the one spot, so we're assuming whoever took her was in a car and only got out long enough to force her in. There's been no sign of her since."

"So, what are you saying Edward, you think it's possible that they kidnapped her? Why? What would they want with Kaya? She's just a fourteen year old girl?"

I felt Nessie stiffen and then tremble against me when I said Kaya's name. She reached up and cupped a hand to my cheek, showing me an image of her and Kaya on the beach last summer, sitting together laughing. She knew her, they had hung out together several times over the years. They were friends and Nessie would hurt over this. In an instant the vision vanished, replaced by a picture of Kaya's face and one word... 'No.'

I hugged her to me and kissed the top of her head lightly to help ease her pain.

"We're not sure Jacob. We've discussed several theories and the most popular seems to be that she may be a hostage of some sort. There was no note, no contact of any kind, which seemed odd. It would make more sense for them to leave _evidence_ if they killed her, to send a message. But she's vanished, and since we didn't receive anything for a couple of days after the last attack we thought a message of some sort might be on its way... but we're not sure where. That's why I've been calling. Given the circumstances of the last message delivery, we've been more than a bit concerned for your safety. We tried to reach you earlier, but your phone accounts weren't activated until this morning."

I growled under my breath. The last 'message delivery' nearly killed Renesmee. I squeezed her closer to me and closed my eyes, willing away the images - memories of her broken and screaming on the forest floor, memories of her visions, her _pain_.

"There's something else Jacob," Edward said carefully, his voice heavy with the significance of the statement. "The scent that Jared and the others caught wasn't a _full vampire_ scent. It was weak, not as strong as it should be."

_Not a _full_ vampire scent._ _The scent Seth had caught across the street earlier was weak too. So did that mean... was it other _half-_vampires that were doing this? But the scents we caught back in La Push, the first time in Alaska, and at my old home and when Nessie was attacked _were_ full vampire scents. Was it a group of full vampires working with other half vampires? But that's crazy. How many other half-vampires are out there? _

As soon as the question popped in my mind I knew the answer with certainty. I could only think of one.

I snarled loudly and mentally kicked myself for not having seen this sooner. That half-leech from South America, the one that had come to help us during our stand-off with the Volturi right after Nessie was born. _How could I NOT have seen this? She's the only female half-vampire in existence that wasn't related to him. The rest are his half-sisters. He had been friendly with the Cullens when he was here and Edward trusted him. But he had not been so friendly with me – and now I know why. Because he wanted _her.

"_Nahuel_." I spat the parasites name into the phone, and released Nessie as I was now shaking violently and trying very hard to control my temper. My vision clouded over and the room turned red. Nessie gasped when I said his name, obviously putting two and two together to deduce the reason for my rage. Her eyes were wide and her form was trembling as she stood hugging her arms around her waist and shaking her head in disbelief. He had kept in contact with all of the Cullens and her when she was young. They were friends – or so she thought. She was shocked and hurt and I wanted to comfort her, but couldn't pull myself together enough to do anything but control the violent tremors that ripped through me, threatening to take over at any second.

"He can't have her," I growled. That leech probably had his eyes on her from the minute they met. He must have been planning this sick game for years.I felt the bile rise in my throat as I imagined him meeting her as an innocent little girl and then plotting and scheming to take her away from her family, her friends, from _me_, for years after that. It was disgusting - and he was going to _pay_.

"Jacob, calm down. It's _not _Nahuel." Edward said calmly. I snarled under my breath. He was going to defend him. I could hear it in the tone of his voice. He was patronizing me. Couldn't he see how sick this whole plan was? I seethed and did my best to calm the rage that boiled in my blood as he continued his defense. This I _had_ to hear.

"That's what we've been trying to determine over the past few days. We were concerned about the fact that Alice's visions didn't seem to be working. Carlisle and Esme had a near run-in with someone in France the day before yesterday, and Alice didn't see anything. We knew there were only so many possibilities as to why she wasn't getting any visions. Up until now all contact of any kind had something to do with the people of La Push and Renesmee. However, if it had been a full vampire in France with Carlisle and Esme Alice would have seen it. There are only a few things that can block her visions; shape-shifters, someone playing with the 'holes' in her visions like Victoria did, and other half-vampires. The idea of it being other shape-shifters is very far-fetched, seeing as your packs are the only ones that have been known to exist for centuries. Since very few people know how Alice's visions work, and we have talked to all of them, with the exception of the Volturi, we're fairly confident we can rule out the second option. When we put this together with the fact that Carlisle also caught only a very weak scent, we jumped to the same conclusion as you did. We're in South America now, and we're with Huilen, Nahuel and _his mate_. My gift works just as well with half-vampires as it does with full ones Jacob. And I can tell you with certainty that he is not the one behind this."

I took a minute to absorb his words. His mate... if Nahuel was mated, he wouldn't be seeking out Nessie for the same purpose. From what I've learned being around the Cullens the last five years it seemed vampires mated for life, just like us. But then, if it wasn't him, and there were still other half-vampires at work... I felt the tremors slow and my jaw relax minutely as I turned this information over and over in my mind. Edward would know if he was lying. He was mated. It couldn't be him. But then...

"Who else?" I asked quietly, more to myself than Edward. How many other half-vampires could there be out there? Renesmee was unique. The Volturi themselves had never heard of a half-vampire until they met her.

"We're not sure, Jacob. That's our next step. Our main concern for the moment is that Nahuel's father may know something of Renesmee's existence. It seems the Volturi did nothing more than threaten Joham when they tracked him down, making him aware of the fact that if he caused any kind of exposure to our kind he would be eliminated. Nahuel himself hasn't spoken to his father in decades, but he did speak to one of his sisters after his return from Forks five years ago. She swore she wouldn't say anything to their father, but Nahuel has been unable to contact her or any of his other sisters for quite some time. He said it wasn't completely unusual for them to be unreachable for short amount of time, but it's been almost a year without any contact and Nahuel and Huilen are definitely concerned."

The phone in our room started ringing again and Nessie stepped over to the desk to answer it. I could overhear her talking to Seth. Apparently Leah was fine, although Olivia was decidedly worse. That reminded me that I still hadn't told Edward about the scent Seth caught earlier.

"Edward, I think you should know that Seth went out about half an hour ago to get some medicine for Olivia. He crossed the street and caught a scent, and came straight back in to call me. It was right around the same time you began calling our phones. He said the scent was off somehow and really light. He also said that he was lucky that it was so early because if the scent had been mixed in with a bunch of humans... he might not have been able to catch it."

"Do you think they saw Seth?" Edward asked tersely.

"I don't think so. Seth would have said something if he had noticed anything or anyone suspicious, and the streets are practically deserted this early in the morning here. But there was no way they would have missed his scent if they were that close." I clenched my jaw together, quickly realizing that we were at a disadvantage if we were dealing with half-vampires. When it came to scent, ours would be obvious. However, if we were in a crowded place we might not be able to detect the others at all. It made me wonder how many times we might have missed one or more of them being near.

"Good. Listen Jacob, we need to discuss what we know about Joham and where everyone should go from here."

I continued to listen and discussed strategy with Edward as we dressed and headed down the hall Seth and Olivia's suite. When we got there Nessie went in to the bedroom to check on Olivia and I stayed in the living room with Seth. We had Edward on speaker phone so Seth could relay what happened this morning in person and we could make a plan about what to do from here together.

**RPOV**

I didn't want to believe what Jacob seemed to be saying. He was in a fit of absolute rage, his body a blurring mass of angry tremors as he listened to my father speak of the only other creature on earth, besides my family and Jake, that I had been convinced would never do anything to hurt me. Nahuel and I were friends. We spoke many times during the first few years of my life; he was always so understanding and easy to talk to. He was truly the only creature I knew that really understood any of what I was going through as I grew up. We had exchanged numerous emails and had even talked about arranging a visit last winter when his communication suddenly stopped. I had e-mailed him a few times, trying to keep in touch, but hadn't gotten a response. Was _this_ why? Had he been too busy planning – or plotting, to talk? Had he avoided me to avoid getting caught?

I had no clue what to think of any of this. When we spoke we were always friendly, but never romantic, not in any way. I loved Nahuel like a brother, but had never thought of him in any other way. He was handsome, and it's not as though I hadn't noticed, but there was one very large factor of his life that made him extremely _un_attractive to me as a man: he was a traditional vampire, he drank the blood of humans. It was something I always had trouble reconciling when I thought of him. I could never understand how he, as someone who was half-human himself, could live off of the blood of humans. The difference, he said, was that human blood did not flow through his veins. He was venomous, his sisters and I were not - which was apparently the quintessential difference between male and female half-vampires. He didn't feel as though he was really human in any way. He saw himself as an anomaly, a freak. A blood-drinking monster, but one of low status, because he wasn't a full vampire. He said he respected human life and he, along with his aunt, killed as little as possible, living off the blood of animals when they could. Even so, he didn't swear off drinking human blood. Both he and his aunt did, if the need arose. And that was something I could never agree with him on. Is that why he felt the need to do this? Because he thought I wouldn't have considered him given the opportunity?

When I thought about it, I knew that it was true. Nahuel was right if he had thought that I wouldn't have given him a chance. Even before I realized my growing love for Jake, I would never have considered him as anything more than a brother and friend. And now... now I knew my heart belonged to someone else. Jacob was right when he told my father that Nahuel couldn't have me. Although we hadn't really said it yet, in so many words, I knew that I belonged to Jake, and he belonged to me – forever. There never was and never would be another option for me, and to be honest, I didn't want one. I wanted Jake - _only_ Jake.

I looked over at him again and was surprised to see that he had calmed down significantly. Whatever my father was telling him on the phone seemed to have put a lid on his anger. His posture was a bit more relaxed and he only trembled slightly in his hands, although his jaw was still locked tight with tension. And then I heard him mutter the only words that could possibly have confused me more at that point – '_who else'._

_Who ELSE?_ I thought incredulously. What did that mean? Were there more people in on this than just Nahuel? Or was it not him at all? Was it someone else entirely? I shook my head as a million questions ran through my mind about what those two little words could possibly mean.

The phone in our room rang again and when I answered it Seth was on the other end. Leah was alright and was with Olivia in their room. He said that he wanted to speak with Jacob and with my dad, but he wanted to stay in his room if he could because Olivia was feeling worse. He asked if we could come down there. I knew Jake was listening to my responses and when I told Seth we'd be there as soon as we could Jake turned to the bedroom to get dressed. I followed him in and changed in the bathroom.

When we were both ready we left our room, to head down the hall to Seth and Olivia's suite. Jake's senses were on full alert, his eyes and ears shifting in every direction looking for any possibility of a threat. His hand attached itself possessively to the small of my back and he pulled me in towards him as he glared suspiciously at another hotel guest who was walking towards us from the opposite end of the long hallway to his own room. Normally I would have rolled my eyes or laughed at him for being paranoid of someone who clearly wasn't a vampire, but from the look on his face he was dead serious. It wasn't until the man got close enough for us to really smell him and hear his heartbeat that Jake relaxed and shot a small tight smile my way. I shook my head, wondering about his strange behaviour as we reached Seth and Olivia's room.

We knocked and were greeted by Leah, who was apparently on her way out. She mouthed that she was running out to get medicine for Olivia and waited for Jake to acknowledge her with a look and a nod before she left. I smiled a little to myself at the small shimmer of pride I felt whenever people looked to Jake for direction and guidance just as Leah did now. Jacob was chief of the entire tribe of Quileutes in La Push, and the alpha of one of two packs of werewolves that protected it. He was a kind and humble leader and people looked to him for direction often, never fearing a biased or harsh answer to their request. He was respected by and loved by everyone who knew him and not because his leadership roles demanded it, but because he _deserved_ it. And _I_ was lucky enough to be at his side, to receive his love and protection.

I left Jake and Seth to discuss things with my father on speaker phone, figuring that Jake would fill me in on everything later. I walked into the suite's bedroom to see Olivia's tiny sleeping form curled up on the mattress, covers huddled around her as if she were cold. I walked over to see if I could tuck the blankets any closer around her. When I did I brushed my hand across her forehead and noticed it was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and that she was a bit warm, for a human. I figured she must have a bit of a fever. I frowned and went to get a cold washcloth for her forehead. Her colour had not improved at all since yesterday. She was still very grey looking. I settled in as lightly as I could and sat on the bed beside her holding the washcloth to her head as I waited for Leah to return with some sort of medicine to help her.

I leaned back against the headboard and closed my eyes, getting lost in my thoughts for a moment, when I heard Jake raise his voice in the other room.

"_Are you crazy_?" he asked angrily, "Do you have _any_ idea what that might do to her?"

_Hmmm. He must be talking about me_. I wondered what my father wanted me to do that would make Jake this upset? He must have realized that I could hear him from the bedroom because his voice dropped to a hushed whisper that I couldn't make out from my position on the bed next to Olivia. Whatever they were talking about, he didn't want me know about it. But why? Jake and I never kept secrets from each other... ever. This was odd, to say the least. I slid off the bed without making a sound and treaded as lightly as I could across the room to stand next to the French doors so that I could hear what they were saying.

"...too risky! You weren't there, you don't know how bad it was." Jake was whispering in an angry fervor. He paused to listen to my father's reply. I couldn't make out the words my father was saying because the reception on speakerphone was not that great, but the tone of his voice seemed to indicate that he was bargaining with Jake, trying to get him to see reason in something. It was very much the same tone of voice he used with me when I first asked to go to Alaska with Jake. It was his 'I'm the dad and I know best, so you should just listen and do as I say' voice. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him as I continued to listen.

"And you think Carlisle is right? You _think_ he's right Edward, but do you _know_? Do any of us _really know_?" Jake argued back, firing the words at my father like a lawyer locked in closing arguments in a high profile case.

My father replied with what sounded like a snarl and a sarcastic remark.

"Of course not," Jacob half scoffed, half spat "but you weren't _there. _ And you don't _know_. And I _**was**_. _And I will __**not **__let her do that._"

I stood shocked at the tone and ferocity of the argument between Jacob and my father.

Whatever it was that my father wanted me to do made Jacob very upset, but my father must have thought it was safe... he even referred to my grandfather about it. What was Jacob trying to keep me from? And did he really think he could speak for me that way? _I should be allowed to make the decision about whatever this was myself._

My father shot back a quick and angry reply to which Jacob responded immediately with a growl.

"I _can _speak for her on this Edward, and I _damn well_ _will_." Jake said, his voice low and cutting, his decision seemingly final.

I decided that I had just about enough of listening and walked through the French doors to approach a now silent and seething, but resigned Jacob and a concerned and troubled looking Seth.

I glared at Jake and raised my eyebrows questioningly. He dropped his head and looked frustrated with himself for being caught talking about me behind my back, but not sorry for having done it. I sighed and took a deep breath before turning to the phone that lay on the table between Jake and Seth's chairs.

"What do you want me to do dad?" I asked, getting to the heart of the matter.

"Nessie, I'm so glad to hear your voice sweetheart. We've been worried about you." He paused, waiting for my answer.

"I'm fine. Jake's taking great care of me." I said quietly. As mad as I was about Jake speaking for me without asking I would never deny that fact. "I miss you too." I stopped there and waited for him to answer my question.

My father sighed and I could picture him running his hands through his hair or pinching the bridge of his nose like he always does when he's nervous or agitated, because it was clear that he was.

"We were talking about your nightmares Nessie." My father said quietly. I blanched and looked over at Jake, suddenly understanding his concern. The last one I had was so violent, so sickening, that Jake had barely been able to hold it together when he saw it and I apparently slipped into hours of unconsciousness trying to avoid it. What could my father want me to do that would involve them?

"What about them dad?" I asked, my voice just above whisper.

Out of the corner of my eye I say Jake's jaw clench and unclench as he folded his arms over his chest and listened to my father who was going to tell me the very thing Jake had tried to keep from me. I waited on baited breath for my father's answer.

"We think your nightmares may be more than just dreams sweetie." He said carefully. I gasped quietly and glanced over at Jake, who didn't seem surprised at the admission. Was this the secret he was keeping from me?

"When your mother was human, she would sometimes have nightmares that were... precognitive. They weren't always accurate in detail, but the general idea of them usually came to life in some way shape or form. We can't be certain, but since you have taken both of our other talents and manifested them differently... we think you may have done the same with this."

My breath left me in a sharp huff, and my chest tightened so much that I could no longer draw any air in. My body instantly went rigid and cold. I shivered from head to toe.

_Precognitive dreams... as in... in... predictions..._

_No. _

_NO. _

_NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. _

_That can't be. I can't actually LIVE that all again! _

_**Really **__live it! _

_**OH GOD.**_

The room began to blur around the edges and blacken as I sank to my knees on the floor in front of me, vaguely aware of the whimpers and sobs escaping me, indicating the state of dread that consumed me. Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me together, filling me with warmth. His face was next to mine and I felt his hot breath on my cheek as I heard him whispering in my ear, telling me it was going to be ok, it was just a theory, telling me he loved me, and that he wouldn't let anyone ever hurt me. I sobbed and rocked in his arms as he continued to do his best to calm me.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, Seth had hung up with my father and Leah had returned. They both went to join Olivia in the other room, leaving Jake and I alone.

I felt his arms wind underneath my legs and shoulders before he picked me up and carried me over to the couch, laying me down on my side and then crawling up next to me. He kissed my forehead and stroked my hair, held me and whispered the same words he did before over and over again until I had calmed down enough that I could lay in silence. I was still shaking all over. Why hadn't anyone told me? If I was really fated to suffer those things didn't I deserve to know? Why did Jake keep this from me?

But did I really _want_ to know? The very idea, the _thought_ of any of those nightmares coming true was almost more than I could bear. He must have known it would scare me. But I still didn't understand why he hadn't told me. If my family was right, and these nightmares were predictions, I wouldn't want to be caught off guard when they actually happened. I would want to be prepared to face the evil head on, to do what I could to change the outcome if possible.

Why hadn't he told me?

I looked up into his dark eyes, shining with nothing but love and concern.

"Why?" I asked quietly. His brow furrowed in confusion at my question.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. He pulled me closer to him for a hug, squeezing hard. The he pulled back to look me in the eye. His expression was contrite, but also weary and a bit guarded.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I should have told you when your father brought it up, but... Ness, I knew how much it would scare you. I knew how much more terrifying these nightmares would be if you thought they might actually be real, that those horrible things might happen to you. I..."

He paused. His jaw clenched and he swallowed thickly as he shook his head. "I don't want to look at your nightmares like that. I don't want to think about you being there, going through all of that." His voice was low and soft. He leaned in and kissed my forehead lightly, running his fingertips down my arm, his face was drawn in pain.

I cupped his face in my hand, pressing my palm to his cheek lightly and sighed as I shook my head. I understood his motivations, but I still didn't agree with his actions. I knew he was trying to protect me, to save me from the terror of realizing that these nightmares could very well become my reality, but I still felt I needed to know. He looked upset, but resigned, as though he understood as he processed my thoughts.

"Please don't keep things like that from me Jake. I know you were trying to protect me, but as much as it terrifies me to know about the... the reality of it... I still feel like I _should_ know. It might help. Maybe I can avoid it somehow, or change the outcome of it..."

I shook my head again and felt my jaw clench as determination began to win out over my fear.

It came on so fast that it almost startled me and was furiously battling away the doubt and replacing it with a strong sense of indignation. I would use these visions to my advantage. I would not let them scare me away, or have me cowering in a corner. If evil was coming for me I would face it head on, and do what I could to thwart it. Maybe my father knew I would feel this way about it. Maybe that's why he was pressing Jake to get me to do something with the nightmares. It seemed to me that this was the one aspect of everything that was going on right now that I had any control of. Maybe he thought they could be helpful too.

I saw Jakes facial expression change from one of concern and pain to one of frustration and fear and even a bit of anger at processing my thoughts.

"Jake, what does he want me to do?" I asked quietly, wanting him to hear me ask it out loud. I needed him to know that I was serious about this. I wanted to do what I could to help. Each and every person that I knew and loved was in danger right now. People were getting hurt, going missing... all for me. What kind of person would I be to run away from pain and suffering only to have it inflicted on those I loved?

Jake jerked his head back away from my hand and was standing on the floor in the middle of the room almost instantly. His hands trembled and his muscles were tense. He was angry. He didn't like the idea at all.

"No," he snarled at me.

I gasped slightly and sat up quickly, shocked at the force of his reaction. _He practically growled at me. _Jake was never angry with me. Never once had he been harsh with me. It was frightening and more than a bit upsetting to see him like this. I had to remind myself that he was acting out of fear for my safety. That he didn't want to see me hurting, and that the anger was about that, not about me.

I rose to my feet and approached him slowly. He was glaring at the floor. I stopped several feet away from him when he started to back away, matching my steps forward with ones of his own in the opposite direction. My eyes widened and my breath sped as my heart lurched. Why was he walking away from me?

"Jacob, please. I need you to tell me. I know it won't be easy on me, I know it will hurt... but if it will help... I have to do this. It's my choice Jake." I pleaded with him softly.

"No," he said, his voice low and final.

I shook my head. I was frustrated and upset. He didn't understand that I needed to do this. It would be terrifying, but I had to do what I could to help.

"Yes." I said just as low and just as certainly as he had.

He was silent for an immeasurable amount of time. I stood quietly, waiting for his answer. And for the first time ever between Jake and I... I didn't get one. He turned slowly and headed towards the door. His head was down, his eyes trained on the floor, his body rigid and still shaking from within.

I stood shocked, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open at the sight of Jake walking away from me. I wanted to call his name and tell him to turn around. I wanted to ask him to stay and talk to me. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I knew he was hurting over this too, and I knew I was pushing him. But I couldn't.

So he left.

A few seconds after the door clicked closed I forced my body into action. I didn't follow him. If he wanted space then that's what I would give him. But there was a strange vampire in the vicinity and Jake was upset and by himself. I couldn't just let him go off alone. I ran to the bedroom and flung the doors open to see Seth and Leah sitting on the bed. The washroom door was closed and Olivia was missing, so I assumed that she was in there. Seth took in my expression and his eyes widened in surprise.

"What's wrong Ness? Where's Jake? Why isn't he with you?" Seth asked in a rush.

I was shaking and I felt my throat constrict and tears well up in my eyes as I opened my mouth to respond. "He left. He was upset with me... for asking about... and telling him I wanted to... and then he left... by himself... without saying a word." I managed to squeak out.

I heard the sound of gagging coming from the washroom and realized Olivia was vomiting.

Seth glanced worriedly at the bathroom door, then at Leah, who nodded and rose off the bed.

"I'll go find him Nessie," she said quietly, and then left.

Seth headed to the washroom to take care of Olivia.

I wiped away my tears and wandered over to the large window in the room and stared out at the grey winter sky. My mind was clouded with worry and fear. Fear for my friends and family. Worry over their safety. Fear for Jake. Worry over the fact that he walked away from me the way he did. I was numb with worry, it flowed through my veins like tar making me feel sluggish and heavy.

Seth emerged from the bathroom with his arm around Olivia and helped her into bed. She smiled at me lightly and asked if I was ok.

I shook my head at her. Here she was grey and pale and sick with a fever and flu and she was asking _me_ if I was ok.

"I'm fine Liv. You seem to be feeling better." I said, noticing that she seemed to have some of her energy back.

"I guess I just really needed to get sick," she said quietly and rolled her eyes. "It's weird, but I'm actually a bit hungry now."

"Well that's easily fixed," I said with a small smile, happy to help. I picked up the phone and ordered room service for the three of us while Seth picked out a movie for us to watch.

When the food arrived they ate; Olivia managed to get down a couple of slices of toast and half a bowl of chicken broth. I was glad to see that her colour improved significantly after she had food in her stomach. I was too nervous and worried that I barely managed to nibble a few bites of food. I tried to focus on the movie in front of us, but my mind kept wandering back to Jake.

Leah returned not too long after we had finished eating. She stood in the doorway to the bedroom leaning against the doorframe. I glanced at her nervously and she gave me a small smile. I said my goodbyes to Olivia and Seth and slid off the bed to meet her nervously in the other room. This was the closest thing Jake and I had ever had to a fight and I was absolutely sick inside thinking about what she was going to tell me. Was he still upset? Did he want to talk to me? Did he not want to talk to me? What if he didn't? I felt wretched inside knowing that I upset him enough that he had to leave.

"Breathe Nessie, he's fine. He just needed to go somewhere to calm down a bit. He was pretty upset and didn't want to say or do anything to hurt you." The way she said the last part alerted me to the fact that Jake was indeed very upset.

"Was he that close to –" I asked breathlessly. I had made him that upset. Me. I hung my head and shook it, chastising myself for pushing him like that. How could I have been so callous? He loved me and was just trying to make sure I stayed safe.

She nodded and then sighed heavily. "Look, don't beat yourself up about it. Your dad had him going pretty good before you two started... talking. Add to that the visitor from this morning and... let's just say he's having a rough day."

I nodded. Of course. I felt horrible for not recognizing that on my own.

"He wants to talk to you. He feels really bad for walking out on you like that." She said quietly. I looked up at her and nodded. Words were escaping me at the moment. I prayed that I would find some to say to Jake. I felt awful, and I had no idea how to tell him how sorry I was for making him upset.

She nodded toward the door and we left the suite to walk down the hall to mine and Jake's. She left me at the door with a small hug and a few whispered words of advice.

"I know you feel badly Nessie, but you weren't wrong. Let him know how you feel about the other stuff too. If you don't want him calling the shots for you, he needs to know." I nodded and knit my brows, not knowing if I should follow her advice or not. I hated the distance between Jake and I this afternoon. I decided I would wait to talk to him about it, until we were both calm and thinking clearly.

I opened the door and saw Jake sitting in one of the armchairs with his head in his hands. At the sound of my entrance his head snapped up and he stood, turning to face me. I closed the door behind me without looking at it, only taking him in. He was tired. I could see it in the set of his jaw and the way he stood, shoulders slightly hunched, thumbs in his pockets. He was fidgeting a bit with his fingers, which meant he was nervous. It was rare for him to be nervous or shaken by anything. And for the first time since this all started, I saw the toll all of this was taking on him. His eyes were naked, bearing none of their usual self-confidence and bravado.

He was hurting. And it killed me to see it.

My voice cracked as I whispered the only words I could think to say, "I'm sorry Jake."

He shook his head and stared at my hands as my fingers intertwined and twisted around each other. Without saying a word he walked slowly, taking measured steps, towards me. He stopped, leaving about half a foot between us. My body seemed to recognize his presence. It was screaming and crying for him to close the gap. It felt as though all of my blood and nerve endings rushed toward the front of me, cold and aching for contact, needing his warmth.

He reached forward and softly wrapped his large hands over mine. I whimpered involuntarily at the warmth of his touch. I turned my hands over slowly, pressing my palms to his. I couldn't find it in me to say anything more. I looked down at our hands, unable to look at his injured eyes anymore, knowing that I had caused him that. It hurt me immensely to see him that vulnerable. My heart squeezed and leapt up to my throat, lodging itself there, painfully. It was so unlike him to feel this way... and it was my fault.

"No," he said quietly, leaning forward and placing his forehead on mine, "it's not."

I couldn't agree with him. I had pushed him when I knew he was upset. I should have known he was having a bad day. I should have waited to talk to him about it. I shouldn't have been demanding –

"And I wasn't?" he whispered, cutting off my train of thought.

I frowned. Yes, he was demanding, but he was doing it out of love and concern for my own safety.

"Yes," he said quietly, "I love you and I need to keep you safe. Your nightmares are..." he grimaced, "it hurts me to see you like that... like you were the last time."

I nodded. I understood. I would hate to see him in any kind of pain.

And yet, here he was – hurting, and I had caused it.

"No," he murmured, "it's my fault too. I should have listened to you, heard what you had to say. But I was too angry to focus. And that wasn't fair to you."

My heart melted a little bit and seemed to slide back from its position in my throat at his admission. He wanted to talk to me about it, and hear what I had to say. It meant so much to me that he would do that, considering how angry and hurt it made him before.

I inched forward until I was standing just in front of him, tilted my head back and raised myself up on my toes until I met his warm, full, soft lips with mine. I kissed him tenderly, telling him I was sorry and thanking him for being so understanding. His hands detached themselves from mine and I felt his strong arms wrap around me as he kissed me back, slowly, sweetly... accepting my apology and giving his own.

I felt his tongue sweep slowly across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I sighed and parted my lips, reaching for his tongue with mine. They met grazing each other slowly and lightly. Each touch sent warmth tingling down my spine, spreading through my body. I leaned into him, reaching one hand up to cup his cheek with my palm, and placing the other over his heart, wanting him to know how much I loved him, and how much I needed him near me – always. I never wanted to have any space between us like we did this afternoon again.

He nodded and kissed me deeply, almost forcefully, showing me how much he loved and needed me in return. Fire ignited within me at his passionate agreement. I moaned lightly and pressed myself into him further, wanting to erase any millimeter of space between us. I felt his growing arousal against my hip as he pushed back into me and broke the kiss, coming up for air. He trailed hot, open mouthed kisses along my jaw to my ear as he stepped forward, causing me to step back a few steps. I found myself pressed against the wall, as he leaned into me and kissed the hollow beneath my ear. I rolled my neck so I could kiss his, winding my hands around his back one over and one under his shirt, squeezing him to me tightly, needing to feel him closer, wanting to sink into him... or him into me.

He groaned and ran his hands down my back and over my butt to my thighs and in one swift movement he picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he kissed my neck and then leaned in again - our bodies perfectly aligned, _right there. _I gasped and moaned as I reveled in the contact, the heat and the delicious friction between us.

He caught my earlobe in his lips and sucked on it lightly before pressing his entire body into mine and whispering, "Love you... need you."

I gasped his name and ground into him and then leaned back to capture his lips and kissed him passionately, sliding my hand to the back of his neck and pulling him into me with all of my strength. My body was alive and humming, and being pulled to his in every conceivable way. I wanted him to kiss me harder, to press me against the wall with all of his strength, I wanted to be closer... I wanted more... I needed him.

His arms tightened around me, holding me to him like bars of hot iron and backed away from the wall. He broke our kiss and lay his forehead against mine, panting, as was I. He stared into my eyes with such intensity as he walked us across the living room and into the bedroom that my breath caught in my throat.

When we reached the bed he placed his knee on the mattress and leaned down slowly, laying me down and then covering my body with his. He kissed me slowly and deeply and I moaned into him as we slid and pushed against each other. My hands slid down to the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up. He lifted himself up briefly as I tugged it over his head and then leaned down, dragging the collar of my t-shirt aside with his finger and kissed my collarbone while his other hand snaked under my shirt and over my bra, cupping my breast in his hand and kneading it softly. I hummed with pleasure and kissed his broad shoulder as I ran my hands up and down the hard muscles of his back and swiveled my hips slowly against his. My legs were still wrapped around him, so I tightened their grip, pulling him closer to me than he was before and loving the fire that ripped through me as a result. My stomach tightened and I felt myself getting hot and damp and so very sensitive... _so good._

He moaned loudly and kissed me urgently as his hands tugged at my shirt. He broke away just long enough to pull it off of me and then returned his lips to mine, our tongues reaching and grabbing for each other, swirling, dancing, quickly. I reached behind me, arched my back and unclasped my bra, fingers shaking with excitement, need and desire. When I freed my hands and brought my arms around him again the strap from one side of my bra shifted and fell down onto my shoulder. I heard Jake growl softly and then felt him pull back slightly. I whimpered when his lips left mine, my body feeling cold and empty with the loss of contact... but not for long.

When I looked up at him he was staring at me with eyes so black and deep with desire I could have sworn they swallowed me whole. He leaned forward, never taking his eyes off of me and captured the middle of my bra in his mouth, before slowly dragging it down and off of my body – _with his teeth_. My entire body burst into flames, licking and curling around each and every inch of my skin.

Some part of my brain registered that this was escalating quickly, that we were entering into unchartered territory and perhaps I should be worried about that... but I wasn't. I loved him, I needed him. I craved his touch, the way my body felt so alive and hot and whole under his... _it was as sweet as heaven, and hotter than hell... and I loved every second of it_.

I wanted more... needed more... needed him, _so badly it hurt_. I felt an unfamiliar ache in my lower belly and between my legs that was begging to be tended to, screaming for his touch, his love.

I leaned up slowly and grabbed the waist of his jeans, tugging at them as I caught his bottom lip between my teeth and sucked it into my mouth. He collapsed onto me, propping himself up on an elbow and sparing me the full force of his weight as I continued to kiss him wildly. We both groaned at the feel of our bodies pressed together, skin to skin, heat, fire, electricity... alive and humming. I felt his hand rove slowly over my waist, up each and every one of my ribs... so slowly, so carefully... and then over my breast. I felt my nipple harden as he brushed over my peak lightly with his thumb. I gasped and then moaned as he ground against me at the same time.

My mind was a clouded haze of steam and heat and desire. My heart was racing, pumping heated blood to every vein, muscle and pore of my skin. My nerves were sensitive and tingling and oh so _alive_ and responsive to even the lightest touch from the man that I loved.

_More, more, more... _I chanted internally, every single fiber of my being screaming for it, craving him in every way possible. I wanted more.

_NO, _I thought suddenly, _I didn't just want more..._

_I wanted __**him. NOW.**_

_Oh God, _I thought as he began to kiss and suck on my breasts lightly, _yes... please... more Jake, more._

I struggled to find the words, to tell him what I wanted, what I _needed._ Every kiss, lick and touch from him stole my voice, I found it impossible to do anything more than pant, moan and whimper under him. So I did the only other thing I could think to do. I don't even think my mind registered the thought fully before my hand slipped quickly under the waist of his jeans and boxers and curled around his length.

"_SHIT!_" he cried and gasped loudly as I came into contact with him, skin to skin, my palm on him, telling him, showing him everything I was thinking and feeling and couldn't say with words.

Faster than lightning my hand was ripped away from him and pinned over my head, alongside the other. I gasped and trembled, trying to catch my breath, caught off guard by his reaction. His forehead was resting on my chest, his body rigid and heaving slightly as he struggled with his own need for air, his legs and arms holding me captive beneath him.

"We need..." he panted out between heavy breaths that punctuated his words, "we need... we can't... slow down... not... oh God..."

I groaned and whimpered lightly at him, trying my best to hold back on my disappointed reaction. My body screamed at me, at him, protesting – loudly.

_No, no, no, no, NO! No stopping, not now!_

"Jake," I said quietly, not believing I was actually about to do what I was going to do, but definitely willing to do it if it worked.

"Jake, _please_. I love you... I need you. I don't want to stop." I pled in a hurried whisper. I was begging, and I knew it. And I didn't care. I was never going to love, need or want anyone else... and I needed him so badly right then I would have begged on my knees if he asked me to.

He groaned and shook his head against my chest, his hands shook and I could swear that I heard him mutter something like 'she's killing me' and 'for her own good'.

I sighed heavily and laid my head back on the bed, resigned to the fact that he was saying no. My body was at war with itself as I tried desperately to calm it down and it thwarted every attempt, citing the contact I still had with Jake's skin as its defense. There was no way I could get myself under control if I was still under _him. _I pulled on my arms lightly, trying to free them from his grip... nothing.

"Jake," I said quietly as I tugged again, "please let me go."

He raised his head to look at me in the eye. I turned my eyes away and tugged again, not wanting him to see the disappointment or embarrassment I was feeling in them. He sighed quietly and released my hands, but not my body. He slid his way up until his chest was resting on mine, our heads bent together and held me in his arms. I closed my eyes and felt him pepper small hot kisses along my brow and cheekbone as his hand ran lightly up and down my arms. My hands fisted at my sides as I tried to force myself not to react to his touch, but it was so hard, and he wasn't helping me at all!

"Ness," he whispered softly in my ear.

I nodded but didn't open my eyes, afraid to look at the gorgeous specimen of a half-naked man in front of me.

"I love you, and believe me, the last thing I want to do right now is stop but..." he leaned back and kissed me very softly on the lips.

"Open your eyes," he whispered.

I couldn't refuse the plea in his voice... so I did. I was met with his large dark eyes staring at me reverently, with so much love and devotion that it actually brought a tear to my eye.

"I want you to know that I want you too... just as much as you want me – _more_ if you can believe it. But we need to talk about this a bit before we jump into anything and, more importantly, we need to make sure that we're doing everything... _safely_." He brushed my hair back lightly and cupped my face in his hand, his thumb brushing lightly over my cheekbone.

"I'm not taking any chances with you."

I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand. He was right. I was letting my hormones get the better of me. I loved him, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would never regret anything we did together... but now wasn't the time to be taking risks. I nodded and covered his hand with mine, thanking him and showing him that I understood.

I heard him breathe a small sigh of relief and then felt him lean forward, his breath hot on my face. I trembled as I felt his lips brush against mine.

"But that doesn't mean we have to stop," he whispered softly against my lips. My breath hitched and my body once again sprang to life as he planted hot kisses on my mouth, my chin, my jaw, my neck.

I felt my body relax into him, literally melting into his arms as he pulled me closer and picked right back up where we left off. My blood was still racing through my veins, the heat climbing and growing exponentially as my hands ran over his rippling arms and chest.

He was over me again, this time with one leg between mine, moving slowly and seriously against me, setting a rhythm that resembled waves of the tide lapping up against the shore. It was slow, steady, consistent and sent waves of heat crashing over me with every pass. I felt the tension in my body begin to grow again, quickly. I ran one hand up to his hair, running my hands over the short, thick and soft strands above his neck, letting my fingers graze over him in a rhythm that matched our hips. Our kisses were long, slow and reaching, not urgent, but loving and deep all the same.

I was so lost in the moment that I hadn't noticed Jake's actions until his slight hesitation made me pull back from our kiss. He kissed my cheek as his fingertips brushed over the waistband of my yoga pants.

"I believe I have a favour to repay," he whispered softly. "If you want..."

I huffed out a breath and nodded quickly, eager for any way to be closer to him.

He smiled against my cheek and then slid down until he was kneeling on the bed beside me.

His face grew serious all at once, as he hooked his fingers into the hem of my pants and quirked an eyebrow at me. I bit my lip and suddenly felt a bit nervous, knowing that this would be the first time he would really see all of me, but nodded and hoped he wasn't disappointed with what he saw. I fidgeted with my fingers as he slowly slid my pants and panties down my legs and off, dropping them to the floor. His eyes were on his hands the entire time.

He glanced up, taking my entire body in with one quick look. I felt my breathing accelerate as he sucked in a gasp and one of his hands touched my foot, his fingertips grazing it lightly, and slowly began making its way down, past my ankle. His eyes led the way for his fingers, just a fraction of an inch ahead of them, trailing up my calf, over my knee, up my thigh to my hip. His hand stopped there, resting palm down on my hipbone. His eyes continued their journey over the top half of my body, as he leaned down and lay his body next to mine.

"You're perfect baby. So beautiful. Like an angel." He murmured looking deep into my eyes. I saw the sincerity of his words as I stared back at him and felt my breath hitch.

"I love you," I whispered to him as he leaned forward to kiss me. The hand on my hip began to move a little, rubbing up and down as the thumb made circles on the side of my belly. The tingling heat that flashed over my entire body with just that one simple action was enough to spur me into action. I reached for the button on his jeans, gently popping it open and then slid the zipper down in one smooth pull. I slid my hands carefully under the waistband of both his jeans and his boxers and pushed them down gently as we kissed. When my hands reached as far as they could in my current position I carefully lifted my leg and used my foot to push them the rest of the way down and off.

I took a minute to appreciate him, running my eyes over his body as he did with mine. His smooth dark skin pulled taut over the lines of the strong muscles in his shoulders. His sculpted chest, his abs were pictures of perfection, reminding me of the clay statues I had seen of warriors and gods in books and on the internet during my studies. And then there was the small V at the end of his abs, leading my gaze down towards the one piece of him I hadn't seen before. I was suddenly very grateful for the girl's day Leah, Olivia and I had spent together on the train. We spent some time talking about things and at one point I had expressed my nervousness over not having a clue as to what to expect. I had never seen a man naked before and could only guess what I was to expect based on what I had read in books or heard about in movies or on TV. After an afternoon of girl talk and on-line browsing, I felt a bit more prepared... and now thought I could at least adequately appreciate the sight of him before me. From what I understood I thought it was definitely fair to say that he was large, and extremely turned on, standing straight up and straining towards me.

I bit my lip and shifted my gaze towards his, blushing, a bit embarrassed for staring... but forgot about it quickly when I realized he was doing the same, his eyes running appreciatively over my body as we lay together, fully revealed to each other for the first time.

I leaned up and kissed his jaw, right below his ear and he hummed in appreciation. He turned towards me and captured my lips in his, slowly grabbing at my bottom one and sucking it into his mouth. He tangled one hand in my hair, the other made slow and gentle passes over my skin from my hip toward my centre.

"If you're uncomfortable... tell me to stop," he whispered.

I nodded and shifted my hips towards him, encouraging him... wanting him, _needing_ him to touch me.

With one hand on his back, fingertips running over his muscles, I let the other follow his lead, mirroring his actions, travelling over his hip slowly making its way to his hard length.

We reached each other at the same time.

I gasped his name and shuddered as his long fingers passed over me for the first time, stroking lightly sending waves of shocking heat through my body.

He moaned and buried his face in my hair as I grazed his length from tip to base with my fingers.

"Oh… baby," he mumbled into my ear, "you're so _wet_."

I whimpered and nodded as he kissed the hollow under my ear and began peppering kisses along my jaw.

We both stroked each other slowly, fingers grazing over our most sensitive areas. I reveled in his touch with every pass as he rained kisses down on me wherever he could reach, my cheeks, my lips, my jaw, my neck... collarbone... breasts... _oh God._

"Oh God Jake," I gasped as he pulled my nipple into his mouth. Without thinking I wrapped my hand around him, and ran it down his length as he sucked on my breast and stroked me with his fingers.

He gasped loudly and his entire body tensed, his hands and mouth freezing in their tracks. He moaned loudly and trembled all over as I held him in my hand.

_Oh!_ I thought, _my palms! _Instantly I released him and began to withdraw my hand. The hand that was on me flew out and caught my retreating one, holding it mid-air just an inch away from him.

"No, don't," he panted, resting his forehead on my shoulder, "just... give me a minute to... to get used to it."

I nodded against him and slowly returned my hand to where it was, wondering if he was truly ok. I didn't want to make things... _worse_, by doing it this way.

He chuckled and looked up at me with a small smirk on his face.

"No baby," he whispered quietly, "that's definitely _better_, not worse. It's just a little... _overwhelming_."

My eyes widened and I nodded as I grasped what he was saying. His desire, combined with mine...

He nodded and kissed me lightly on the lips. It was only seconds before I felt his hand return to where it was before. I moaned and my head fell back into the pillow, my body responded to him immediately, getting warmer and I could feel the dampness between my legs increase as his thumb began to run lightly over a very sensitive spot. I panted and writhed, stroking him slowly as he had been with me, trying hard to focus on him, but finding it difficult as the ache in my belly grew right along side the fire. If he wasn't careful I was sure that I any second I would literally self combust. He moaned and said my name quietly.

He slowed his movements and brought his face up next to mine. I felt his hot breath on my ear as he kissed it lightly and then whispered a breathy "I love you," before slowly and carefully sliding one long finger into my heated core.

I gasped, my hips lurching forward of their own accord. My eyes slammed shut, my body suddenly worked into a heated frenzy, every pore, nerve and muscle in my body was on fire and screaming for _more_.

I felt the hand around him tighten and work him harder as my muscles tensed.

He groaned and tensed all over, his jaw clenching as he read my thoughts and felt my desire. He moved his finger in and out slowly once... _oh god, _twice, _oooh, _three times before slowly adding a second.

I moaned loudly and panted out my breaths, now completely overwhelmed by the sensation of being so _connected_ to him.

He began to move again, pulling and pushing in and out and set a slow steady rhythm. My hips rocked in time to his hand without ever really telling them to, my hand moving in motion with his. We kissed, our tongues meeting and dancing together in the same slow rhythmic patterns as the rest of our bodies.

I felt the blood in my body race through my veins like boiling water, rushing and suddenly pooling in my lower belly. I whimpered into his mouth at the feel of the rush, almost what I would imagine a high would feel like. I was dizzy and hot and panting and wet and sweating and completely open and receptive to _him_, as he was to me.

The fire in my belly became intense as he continued to move within me, touching places that had never been touched, but were sensitive and begging for him.

"Jake," I gasped out, coming up for air.

He moaned lightly at the sound his name coming from my lips. I felt him twitch and, even though I didn't think it was possible, grow impossibly harder in my hand.

"Ness," he panted, "I'm gonna..."

I gasped and sped my motions with my hands a bit, realizing what he was saying.

Without warning his thumb grazed over that same sensitive spot on the outside as his fingers curled inside of me, pushing against something that made me cry out and tense all over with pleasure.

"Come with me," he said breathlessly.

And then a million things happened at once.

He pushed into me harder, curling his fingers in and stroking me, while rubbing my sensitive spot with his thumb. The combination of those few movements cause the fire in me to ignite and then explode. I cried his name out loudly as every muscle in my body, but especially the sensitive ones in my heated core, tensed and curled around him, my entire body literally folding in on itself with the force of the explosion, trapping the heat and burning inside me, living in it, and _loving every second of it._

As I erupted into flame, so did he. I heard him cry my name as I did his, and felt his entire body tense into one solid mass of steely muscle as he twitched and spilled out over my hand and onto my stomach.

He collapsed shortly after, half against me, half against the mattress and withdrew his hand slowly. I sighed and whimpered as he left me, feeling empty and bit void at the loss of that connection. He held me to him tightly and whispered how much he loved me, over and over again, kissing me lightly, and I did the same with him. We clung to each other until our breathing slowed and then Jake reached down to grab his shirt, using it to clean us up. He mumbled an apology as he did so and I just shook my head at him, letting him know there was nothing to be sorry for. What we had just done was beautiful, magical, and there was absolutely nothing he should be sorry about.

Once we were cleaned up as well as we could be with his shirt Jake suggested a short shower. I nodded and we got up, I followed him into the large bathroom and waited while he turned the water on, letting it get as hot as it could. We stepped in, hand in hand and let the water run over us as we embraced each other under the spray. Without saying a word, we gazed into each other's eyes and washed our bodies gently, me washing him, him washing me. When it was time for him to wash my back I felt him lean down and kiss the side of my back, over the spot where my grandfather had performed surgery. The area was now completely healed, but I knew there was a small, very faint scar there, in exactly the same spot where Jake placed his reverent kiss.

I shivered and leaned back into him as he straightened up, feeling his arms wrap around me from behind. After a minute or so, we washed each other's hair, he stooped for me so that I could reach his and grinned lightly when I was done, standing up and kissing me on my forehead.

When we were done, we stepped out, wrapping ourselves in the large, fluffy white, oversized - for me at least - hotel robes and headed back to bed. We ordered room service as it was now just past dinner time and we hadn't eaten all day. As we ate, we cuddled and talked about anything and everything, clearing the air about several things including getting to the heart of what had upset him earlier today. At around nine we laid back and curled up against each other, holding hands against my stomach, him behind me and held each other peacefully, until first Jake, and then I fell asleep.

Holy Hot make up make-out session Batman. Whew!

Any theories about what Edward wants Nessie to do that has Jake all riled up?

Thanks again for your patience with my updates on here, I really do appreciate it.

~Hitchy


	34. The Haves and the Have Nots

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a the have's and the have not's in this chapter.**

***Peeks around* Anyone still out there? LOL! Yeah, I'm back with some more chapters for you. Hope you like them. I make no excuses for the wonky updates… if you want to read this with a more 'timely' update schedule, check me out on Twilighted. I update there about once a week. Chapters there are in the mid forties.**

**Thanks! ~H**

**Chapter 34 – The Have's and the Have Not's**

**Chapter Songs: Iris ~ GooGoo Dolls for Seth and Olivia and Under Heaven's Skies ~ Collective Soul for Jake and Nessie**

**JPOV**

I stood at the end of the aisle, looking over the rows of empty white benches in front of me, fiddling with the sleeves on my rented tux. I hated that they were empty, because we were here and everyone else was either at home or on the hunt. It would have been nice to have our friends and family here to witness this... but there was no point in getting upset about it. They would be upset with us for doing this without them... with me especially - for allowing it to happen this way. But we were here now and, family present or not, the ceremony was about to begin. And in my heart I knew I had made the right decision. Whether it was today, tomorrow, next week or ten years from now – this marriage was meant to be.

I stuck a finger in my collar under my ear and ran it through to my throat, relieving some of the pressure. I rolled my eyes inwardly and snorted lightly to myself, thinking about the fact that they didn't make rental tuxes for your average six and half foot tall, well built werewolf. I knew it wasn't just the tux that was to blame though. I was more than a bit nervous, knowing the heat I would take from everyone back home on the reservation... and the guilt I felt about her parents. It killed me knowing that she was getting married today and they didn't have a clue. No bride should get married without her father to walk her down the aisle if he was alive, willing and able. No mother should get the call that her daughter had gotten married without friends and family present in a small chapel in Niagara Falls on Christmas Eve, when they should have been together celebrating the holidays as a family.

I shook off my nerves as I took a second to glance over at Seth. He was the picture of calm as usual. He was fiddling with his tux too, but his fit a bit better than mine because he was a couple of inches shorter and a little smaller than me. He caught my eye, grinned and winked, like he was in on some private joke. I shook my head and smirked at the floor, not wanting to get into it with him on his big day.

_Yeah, real funny. _I thought wryly. _They're going to rip me to shreds for this – chief or not, I'm never going to hear the end of this one. Your mother is going to KILL me._

As if he could read my thoughts Seth leaned over and whispered quietly, "Relax Jake. It`s not as though they didn`t know it would happen eventually. Besides, there's no turning back now..." he said and grinned as the music began softly. I nodded at my eager young friend and brother of sorts, before turning my attention towards the set of white doors at the back of the chapel as Pachabel's Canon in D began playing over the chapel's built in stereo system. Leah stepped into view first. Olivia and the girls had made their way to a few bridal shops in the city and were lucky enough to find two dresses in silver made by the same designer and in the same material, that would fit both Leah and Nessie. They were slightly different styles and both dresses had to be taken in because they were bought off the rack, but it all worked out really well. Seth said it was just one more reason to believe that they were meant to be married today, and not months from now in a traditional ceremony at home on the res.

Leah's dress was floor length and strapless, gathering in around the bust and fitting to her at the waist, then flowing down in an a-line skirt, to the floor. _God I sound like a girl, _I thought, _if it wasn't for Nessie filling me in on all of this stuff, I wouldn't have a clue_. Leah's short, black hair was tied back in a tight bun and she wore light make up. She carried a small bouquet of flowers consisting of three white calla lilies, wrapped up in a couple of large green leaves that I couldn't remember the name of. I also noticed she was wearing heels. I glanced up at her face as she neared the top of the aisle, quirking an eyebrow at her and nodding. Hanging out with the girls suited her... she looked good. She rolled her eyes and smirked at me before looking at her younger brother and casting a rare, but sweet smile at his grinning face before veering off the opposite side of the small altar.

My eyes made their way back to the white double doors at the end of the aisle, and widened, as Renesmee stepped into view. She stood there briefly, for what was probably only a second or two, but for me was a frozen moment in time, lasting minutes, and captured forever in my memory. She hardly ever had the chance to dress up, and had never been to a dance, prom or any other occasion this formal, so this was the first time she had ever really dressed up this much... and _my God - she was beautiful. _

Her dress was also silver, floor length with an a-line skirt and fitted through her slender but curvy waist, but the top was different then Leah's. It was styled more like a tank top, but fitted and gathered around her full chest, opening up in a wide 'v' and a plunging neckline, revealing more skin and curves than I'd ever want her to show to anyone but me. Her hair was curly again, and pulled up and gathered at the back in a bun like Leah's, but it was looser and less severe. It seemed to have been swept over from one side of her head to the other in the front and lay over half of her forehead, before sweeping to the back. She also wore a bit of light make-up that highlighted her large brown eyes and full pink lips without overdoing it. My arms twitched slightly as I fought to stay in place at Seth's side when all I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her how incredibly beautiful she looked tonight.

As she got closer I noticed that she wore no other jewellery than the diamond studs I gave to her this morning, for Christmas. She refused them at first, saying it was too much and they were too expensive. But when I explained to her that they were my mothers, given to her by my father for their tenth wedding anniversary, and that Billy would have wanted her to have them, she accepted. Sam rescued the fire-proof safe from the house and had given the contents of it to me at his house the night of my father's funeral, when we were speaking in private. There wasn't much in there but a few pieces of my mother's jewellery that hadn't been given to my sisters, my father's will, insurance papers, and a small amount of money. My dad always said that he saved some of mom's jewellery for me, knowing that I might want to give it to someone special some day. I knew as soon as I saw the earrings my mom loved so much that I wanted Nessie to have them.

As she looked up her eyes landed on Seth first, and she too gave him a small sweet smile, before glancing over to look at me. Her eyes widened a bit as she took in my obviously appreciative stare and she blushed the most subtle shade of light peach before casting her eyes down a bit and biting fidgeting with her bouquet. The blush did it for me. It was like the finishing touch on a priceless painting or sculpture. Like the pale orange glow over water just before sunrise, she was warmth, light and beauty all at once. Had she been up for auction somewhere I would have sold my soul in the bidding war to win her. She was breathtaking.

I found my mind wandering as she began to make her way up the short aisle towards Seth. I stared at her and suddenly envisioned another ceremony, on another day with her walking down the aisle in a floor length dress, blushing and beautiful. But this time we were outdoors, the seats were full, and everyone turned to stare at the beauty in _white, _on her father's arm... walking towards _me_. I found myself smiling with joy at the vision in front of me. It wasn't shocking or surprising to me, although it probably should have been at this early stage in our romantic relationship. It was just – _right_. I knew she was what I wanted and what I needed and that I would be happy to love her and make her dreams come true for the rest of my life. But, more importantly, would she want the same thing? At this point I didn't think so. We'd only been dating a couple of months, and almost all of it was spent on the run. I was sure that she loved me, and that was really all I needed. Did I want the vision to come to life? _Yes_. Without a doubt, I knew nothing would make me happier than to be with her forever – but would she want to make me hers for the rest of our lives? As much as I knew what I wanted for us in the future, I was sure she hadn't given it much thought. And what she needed was my first priority. I only ever wanted to love her and make her happy, and I could afford to wait as long as she needed to figure out what she wanted.

So, I shook my head and did my best to stifle the selfish image, trying to put it to the back of my mind and focus on what was going on in front of me. I watched Nessie take her place beside Leah at the front as Leah took her turn to cock an eyebrow and grin at me before looking back to the white doors to catch the Olivia coming into view. I rolled my eyes at her, knowing that she had probably processed the expression on my face and guessed what I was thinking.

I smiled as I heard Seth gasp and his breath catch in his throat at the sight of his bride walking through the double doors at the back. I couldn't say I blamed him, she was a simple, but strikingly beautiful bride. Olivia's five foot tall and slender frame was wearing a floor length, fitted, strapless, white silk dress that flared out a little bit at her knees. Under the bust were a few silk roses, which made their way around to her back and all the way down her short train which was covered in the same simple silk flowers. She held a very small bouquet of tightly bound white roses, surrounded by the same green leaves as Leah and Nessie's flowers were. Her black hair had been pulled up only halfway and secured to the back of her head with her veil, while the rest fell in soft curls around her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes shone with happiness and love as she looked at Seth and began her slow march up the aisle to join him. When she reached him, they clasped one set of their hands together and she gazed up at him with a broad, but typically shy smile as he beamed down at her. As they turned to face the officiant Leah helped Olivia straighten her dress out and Nessie took Olivia's bouquet.

The ceremony was short, and very traditional for a North American wedding, with the exception of the wedding vows. Seth and Olivia had both agreed to recite the Quileute's traditional Rite of Seven Steps in place of traditional wedding vows in an effort to honour our tribe's heritage, just as they would have done if they married back at home on the reservation. The ancient Rite was honoured and repeated by every married couple in our tribe, and even though the wording was outdated, its values and its significance were still very important to our people.

_**Seth, Step 1:**__  
"My beloved, our love has become firm by your walking one with me. Together we will share the responsibilities of the lodge, food and children. May the Creator bless us with noble children to share. May they live long."_

At the mention of children Seth chocked up and took a few seconds to compose himself. I saw his hand reach out and cup Olivia's cheek, as they both shed a tear for the reason of this rushed ceremony. Olivia _was _sick with a cold last week, but not the flu. It didn't take her very long, with a couple of days of getting sick after the fever died out, to figure out that she was pregnant. Her body was having a tough time adjusting though, because she had always been a bit fragile and delicate. Seth was ecstatic when Olivia suggested getting married as soon as possible. And that is what brought us to the White Wedding Chapel, just a few days later, on Christmas Eve.__

_**Olivia, Step 1:**__  
"This is my commitment to you, my husband. Together we will share the responsibility of the home, food and children. I promise that I shall discharge all my share of the responsibilities for the welfare of the family and the children."  
_

_**Seth, Step 2:  
**__"My beloved, now you have walked with me the second step. May the Creator bless you. I will love you and you alone as my wife. I will fill your heart with strength and courage: this is my commitment and my pledge to you. May God protect the lodge and children."_

_**Olivia, Step 2:  
**__"My husband, at all times I shall fill your heart with courage and strength. In your happiness I shall rejoice. May God bless you and our honourable lodge."_

_**Seth, Step 3:  
**__"My beloved, now since you have walked three steps with me, our wealth and prosperity will grow. May God bless us. May we educate our children and may they live long."_

_**Olivia, Step 3:  
**__"My husband, I love you with single-minded devotion as my husband. I will treat all other men as my brothers. My devotion to you is pure and you are my joy. This is my commitment and pledge to you."_

Olivia's shy voice was uncharacteristically steady and strong as she spoke of her devotion to Seth. I was beyond happy for him to have found her. They were perfect for each other in so many ways. They were both such kind and sincere people. They would have a happy life together, and out of all of my friends and brothers in the pack, no one deserved it more than Seth.__

_**Seth, Step 4:**__  
"My beloved, it is a great blessing that you have now walked four steps with me. May the Creator bless you. You have brought favour and sacredness in my life."_

_**Olivia, Step 4:  
**__"My husband, in all acts of righteousness, in material prosperity, in every form of enjoyment, and in those divine acts such as fire sacrifice, worship and charity, I promise you that I shall participate and I will always be with you."_

_**Seth, Step 5:  
**__"My beloved, now you have walked five steps with me. May the Creator make us prosperous. May the Creator bless us."_

_**Olivia, Step 5:  
**__"My husband, I will share both in your joys and sorrows. Your love will make me very happy."_

_**Seth, Step 6:**__  
"My beloved, by walking six steps with me, you have filled my heart with happiness. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace, time and time again. May the Creator bless you."_

_**Olivia, Step 6:  
**__"My husband, the Creator blesses you. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace. I promise that I will always be with you."_

_**Seth, Step 7:**__  
"My beloved goddess, as you have walked the seven steps with me, our love and friendship have become inseparable and firm. We have experienced spiritual union in God. Now you have become completely mine. I offer my total self to you. May our marriage last forever."_

_**Olivia, Step 7:  
**__"My husband, by the law of the Creator, and the spirits of our honourable ancestors, I have become your wife. Whatever promises I gave you I have spoken them with a pure heart. All the spirits are witnesses to this fact. I shall never deceive you, nor will I let you down. I shall love you forever."_

As they recited their vows I couldn't help but watch Nessie out of the corner of my eye. She was serious and focused, watching their every word play out as if taking in a movie. I was touched to see how much respect and attention she was paying to the ancient vows of my ancestors. She seemed to hang off of every word. She was the same at my father's funeral. Near the end, where they made promises of forever to each other I saw a tear slip out of her eye and down her cheek as she smiled lightly. She glanced up at me to catch me watching her and bit her lip before wiping the tear away and focusing her attention on the bride and groom who were just finishing up their first kiss as husband and wife.

The music started again and Seth and Olivia made their way back down the aisle and out to the large foyer. Leah followed and then I turned to hold my arm out to Renesmee. She took it with a small smile and we made our way down the aisle to join the others for pictures.

When we made it to the foyer I pulled Seth in for a hug and congratulated him while Nessie did the same with Olivia. We switched and I told Olivia how beautiful she looked and thanked her for officially making Seth the happiest guy on the planet today.

She blushed and laughed a bit as Seth said "You're damn right about that Jake!" and pulled her in for a kiss. It wasn't a sweet and innocent one like they shared at the altar and it earned them a couple of whistles and cat calls from the next young group of men waiting to enter the chapel with for the next wedding.

"Ok lovebirds, break it up, we have some photos to take." Leah said loudly.

I think Olivia blushed from head to toe at Seth's enthusiastic demonstration of PDA. Seth just chuckled and pulled her closer to him, whispering something in her ear to make her giggle and forget her embarrassment.

The photographer finished setting up his equipment and asked Seth and Olivia to step in front of the scenery and take a few pictures. As they got settled and Leah helped Olivia straighten out her dress and veil I heard Nessie say a soft but shocked "Excuse me?" and immediately glanced over to where she was standing. I looked over to see Renesmee, who was standing off the side a little, nervously talking with one of the guys from the other wedding. He was obviously in to her, leaning in and letting his eyes wander over her body as he talked to her in a way that made my skin crawl and my vision turn red. She looked disgusted and uncomfortable, and _he _looked like he had a death wish. Or at least he did now.

I growled lightly under my breath and walked over the few steps to her. When I reached her I slipped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck before looking up and glaring at the jerk with the wandering eyes and disrespectful mouth. I asked her if everything was ok and she replied saying it was now that I was here. He scoffed a bit, but backed up a step when he took in my size as I sneered at him. I was at least six inches taller than him and probably thirty to forty pounds bigger. Even without my werewolf abilities I could flatten this guy in seconds. His eyes darted around the small foyer looking for an out as he realized that he had messed with the wrong girl, and that if he wasn't careful, this guy would be making a mess of _him_.

_That's right asshole, she's taken. Now disappear before I make____sure you and your wandering eyes never see the light of day again._

He excused himself quickly, saying that he needed to help his friend with something before turning tail and practically running through the foyer to the chapel and the next groom. I chuckled and shook my head at his quick exit as Nessie turned around to face me. I kept my arms around her and pulled her closer to me.

"You sure you're ok?" I murmured as I leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips.

"Mmmm, hmmmm." She hummed as she kissed me back lightly. "Thanks. He was..." She shook her head in surprise and disgust as she trailed off, unable to find words to describe his vulgar approach.

"A creep." I finished for her. Although I knew I was being a lot nicer than I should have been, I didn't want her calling me out for using foul language in a chapel. I ran my hands up and down her back lightly and pulled back to look in her large, soft brown eyes as I continued. "I can't say that I blame him though. You look absolutely stunning tonight baby."

She blushed again and sighed as she laid her hands on my chest pretending to straighten out my lapels. "Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself." She said quietly. I chuckled and shook my head at her.

"Well, no one's even going to notice me tonight, not standing next to you." I replied truthfully.

She snorted lightly. "Well, maybe none of the guys. The ladies on the other hand," she said as she glanced over at a few of the girls from the next wedding who were giggling and throwing the odd glance our way "are definitely not looking over here to check _me_ out."

She sighed a little and shook her head before beginning to turn away. I held her tightly in my arms and turned her back to face me again. She looked at me and tried to make her face appear to be as calm as possible, but I could see the jealousy and resignation in her eyes. It crossed my mind for a second that she was getting better at controlling her emotional outbursts. She must be working really hard to keep herself under control. It was so much more difficult for her then it was for everyone else. I should know. Young werewolves have the same problem. But she was doing so well. Compared to her reaction to that chick from the Via Rail station she was really getting the hang of it.

"Well, if they're looking, let them. What matters to me is that you know I only have eyes for one and she's standing right here in my arms. And despite what Seth or that other groom in there thinks, I know _I_ am the luckiest guy in the world tonight, not them." I said as I gazed into her eyes. I leaned forward to kiss her cheek softly and then hugged her to me, with my forehead resting against hers. I felt her face warm with a blush as she sighed happily and nodded before whispering that she loved me and I whispered it right back to her. We stayed like that for a minute or so before the photographer called us over to take pictures with the others.

After the pictures had been taken we headed out to dinner at a small but classy Italian restaurant. I wasn't an expert on decor or anything like that but I could tell that this restaurant was slightly outdated, but all of the furniture and accessories were good quality. The menu was the same. It had all of your typical Italian basics, nothing new or edgy. But the food was perfectly prepared and tasted phenomenal. After weeks of cheap take out and hotel food we were all grateful for a really good meal. Even Nessie seemed to appreciate her dish. Apparently Casa D'Oros Penne Arrabiata lived up to its reputation for being the hottest in the city. Seth and Olivia had asked to have a little section just to ourselves, so we were able to drink, eat, talk and toast to the newlyweds without disturbing anyone else. They had a small cake and even got the restaurant to play their song for them as they danced next to our table. Seth had one arm wrapped around Olivia's waist and the other hand resting on her still-flat tummy as they danced slowly to the rhythm of the music. They smiled and whispered to each other as the danced, completely oblivious to everyone else, lost in their own little world and their new family with each other and their baby.

As they danced, Leah excused herself to the ladies room. She had been back to her usual cranky self the past week, after Seth and Olivia revealed their news about the baby. Seth, Olivia and I knew why it upset her, but I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for Nessie because she didn't understand why Leah was acting the way she was. I wanted to tell her but Leah asked me not to, saying that Nessie would probably worry about making a big deal out of the baby with her around and she didn't want her to have to worry about it. Leah said she would be fine and that she would get over it soon enough. I didn't agree with her, but I didn't tell Nessie all the same. I wouldn't betray Leah's trust that way. All the same, I hated seeing Nessie get upset when Leah was being a bitch and thinking that it might have been her fault somehow. I tried my best to reassure her telling her that Leah was just going through some stuff that she didn't want to talk about. Nessie knew that I would know what it was even if Leah didn't want to confide in me because I could hear her thoughts when we were in our wolf forms. The three of us had phased together last week to get in touch with the others in La Push so Seth could share his news about the baby and I could catch up with Sam and the others I had left behind. I remember hearing the hurt that Leah was trying so desperately to hide at the same time Seth did. I felt so bad for both of them. Leah was really happy about the baby, but jealous and hurt because she knew that a niece or nephew was the closest thing she'd have to a child of her own. Seth wasn't oblivious to that fact either. He felt horrible about causing his sister pain, but when he tried to apologize Leah lunged at him and just about ripped his head off, telling him that it was fucking horrible for a father to apologize for having a child. She pushed and shoved and yelled at him until he relented and promised to think happy thoughts and never say "sorry" about his baby again.

I watched Nessie as she leaned back in her chair to watch them. She was fidgeting a bit with her napkin and had a serious look on her face, the one she always got when she was thinking really hard about something. I cocked my head to the side and slid my chair close to hers so that I could rest my chin on her shoulder. She startled a bit and glanced over at me as I did. Hmmmm, she must have been deep in thought not to notice me shifting over to her.

"What's up Nessie." I whispered as wrapped my arm around her and ran my hand up and down the arm on her opposite side. She shivered a bit and leaned into me with a sigh.

"Nothing," she said quietly as she placed her napkin on the table, folder her hands in her lap and continued to watch them dance.

I frowned and sighed to myself. She was lying. She might have been better at controlling her emotional outbursts lately, but I didn't need her to throw a fit to tell me something was wrong. Her voice gave it away every time. I could tell she tried hard to keep her tone neutral and her voice steady, but I could still hear a hint of sadness and wistfulness when she spoke just slightly lower and slower than she normally did. An outsider would never know there was anything wrong, but she couldn't fool me.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek gently before whispering in her ear. "I know you better than that. What's wrong?"

She shook her head slightly and looked down at her hands and then back up at Seth and Olivia. "They look happy don't they?" she asked quietly. I could sense that she was being sincere.

I nodded in agreement, wondering where she was going with this. I wanted to ask her but I figured I'd wait and let her tell me when she was ready. Her face was drawn down into a small frown and her brows furrowed like the always did when she was thinking. I continued to brush my hand up and down her arm, hoping to calm her a bit as she thought.

"They're dancing. They're in love. They're planning a future. They're – _happy._" She said so quietly it was barely a whisper. She made no attempt to hide the sad and wistful tone in her voice this time. I was more than a bit confused by her statements. I mean, what could be wrong about the two of them dancing, being in love, planning a future and being happy?

I pulled back and craned my head a bit to look her in the eye, hoping to see something else there to help me figure this out. She turned her body to face me and closed her eyes, frustrating me by cutting me off from the one other source of information I had, and then leaned her forehead against mine.

"Jake," she said regretfully, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to think that I wasn't happy for them. I am. They're both so sweet and they've been such good friends to us... I wish them all the happiness in the world." She finished her sentence there but her tone made it very clear that there was a 'but' that was supposed to follow.

She didn't seem like she wanted to continue talking, but I wasn't having that. If she didn't get this off her chest it would probably bother her for days until something else set her off and then she _would_ be throwing a fit. So I decided to help her out.

"But..." I prompted. I wrapped both arms around her and squeezed gently in encouragement.

She pulled back and opened her eyes, unveiling deep brown pools of frustration and regret. She growled lightly under her breath as her frustration got the better of her. "Jake, I feel so horrible even thinking this, never mind saying it, because it's extremely selfish of me. And I don't want you to think I'm unhappy because I'm not. I'm just... frustrated."

She paused and looked at me for a response. I nodded and kept my eyes on hers, waiting for her to finish. She was clearly upset with herself. I wished she would just tell me what it was that she was upset with so I could help her out.

"It's just that..." she paused and swallowed thickly, looking down at her hands. "It's just that... I wish I could do those things too." She said each word separately and slowly, like she was fighting herself about whether or not to admit them at all. "We spend all of our time running, or thinking about where to run next. Or planning to avoid catastrophe. I –" she stopped and took a deep shaky breath before letting it out in a huff and then continuing. "I _hate_ whoever is doing this. It's so unfair. But not just to me - to you too Jake. Look at Seth." She gestured with a hand over to where our friends were dancing, wrapped up in each other now and Seth was positively beaming at his new bride. "He's so happy he almost cracked his face in half with all of the grinning he's been doing lately. Olivia gives Seth someone to dance with, someone to love, someone to plan a future with and someone to be happy with." She paused and let her head fall slightly as she finished in a whisper. "All I've given you is someone to run away with, someone to worry about, someone to plan escape with and a whole lot of anxiety. It's just not fair Jacob. I wish I could do better, that I could be _more _than this for you. But I can't. And I hate it."

I was stunned into silence for the moment. What was she talking about? It sounded like she was saying '_all she had given me'_ was a bunch of things to regret. Didn't she know better? How could she ever think that? How many times had I told her I loved her? Didn't she get it _at all_? I didn't need anything but her. As long as she was with me, and she was happy, I would be happy too. And then I heard my subconscious speak up, once again telling me the obvious.

_But she's _not _happy. Look at her. She hates being on the run. She hates not being able to do simple things that normal people would do, like dance with their boyfriends at their friends wedding. She hates not being able to plan anything past our next temporary hotel stay. She hates the thought of not being enough for you._

I frowned when I realized that she that she had every right to think and feel the way she did, except for the last part. She should never ever feel like she had to be something more or something different. She was everything to me. But it must be just as hard for her to look at Seth and Olivia right now as it was for Leah to. Although she was doing a much better job at hiding it, she too was looking at something she desperately wanted and thought she could never have. It made my heart ache just to think about it. She deserved to be happy. She deserved to be young and carefree, and to plan a future without threats and violence hanging over her head.

And then my subconscious was practically screaming at me again. _Fix this! _

I thought frantically about what to do or say next. I wanted to make her smile, to let her know that I loved her more than anything and that I was happy to be here with her – to be anywhere really, as long as she was there. As I glanced over at our friends a new song was starting. It was slow and sweet, and I decided that if I couldn't fix the fact that we were on the run right now I could follow through on a promise I had made to her over a month ago that day we left Alaska.

I rose out of my seat and held out my hand. She looked up at me with her sad eyes and confusion written all over her face, but didn't hesitate to take my hand. It made my heart swell just a bit, knowing that she was hurting and that she trusted me to make it better, taking my hand without a word, not even questioning what I had in mind. I pulled her up with me and then drew her hand to my lips, kissing the back of it softly before walking over to where Seth and Olivia were dancing. They both gave small smiles and nods as I pulled Nessie closer to me and wrapped an arm around her waist, keeping the hand that I had kissed in mine and began to dance. She sighed quietly and laid her head on my shoulder. I let my head rest on hers and pulled her even closer, leaving no space between us at all. As I began to move to the music I realized, with some regret, that this was the first time we had danced together... and then wished that we had done it before. It was an incredible feeling to have her slender, curvy frame pressed up against mine. To feel her small hand wrapped up in my fingers. To feel and hear her heartbeat next to mine as we moved together smoothly and slowly. And the heat... _God I could live forever like this_. Whenever we touched it sparked and ignited heat in me, and this time was no exception. I felt it flow through me, seeping in through my every pore in every place that we were connected. But it was a different heat. This time it wasn't so hot that it made my mind fuzzy and confused with desire. It was a soothing warmth, like the peaceful kind you get when you crawl into a hot bath. The best part about it was that it seemed to find a way to pull and pool at the center of my chest, settling in my heart and increasing the magnetic pull and electric hum between us to a point where it was practically painful. I knew she felt it too, I could see it in my mind's eye as she sent a vision of us dancing together wrapped and bound together by steel cables that were turning red and pulsing with intensity.

The way we moved together was magical. Her body swayed and shifted in time with mine perfectly, like they were set to the same clock. I pulled my head back to look at her, wanting to see her face. She was looking at me with a calm intensity that I had never seen before, but I was sure I would find it in my own eyes if I could look at the moment. Her gaze was strong and sincere and absolutely scorching with intensity and love. And in that moment nothing else existed. There was no game, no one chasing us. There was no pain and apprehension. We weren't on the run. We weren't hiding and scared. We were just us, dancing and in love. I leaned in slowly as we danced and brushed my lips against hers lightly, delighted in the spark of white hot heat that shot through my chest, adding to the already intense pull and hum. She kissed me back softly as I pulled her lower lip between mine and squeezed her to me as tightly as I could without hurting her. We danced like that for the rest of the song, completely oblivious to the world around us, kissing and swaying together, wrapped up in each other and wanting to stay that way forever.

When the song ended I kissed her cheek and buried my face in her neck whispering that I loved with all of my heart and would go anywhere as long as we were together. She nodded against me and kissed my shoulder saying that she loved me too and thanking me for the dance. I grinned, hearing the happiness and sincerity in her tone and promised her that it was just the first of many. If I had my way, we would be dancing together every chance we got.

OK, so Seth and Olivia are married! For those that are interested, I will be writing a companion fic for these two, telling the story of how they met, and how their love developed. It will start when they met (before the beginning of this fic) and continue through it. It will include some extras that could be considered behind the scenes for this fic… like outtakes from Seth and Olivia's POV's. I will definitely post it on Twilighted, and I will try to post it on here too… but as you can all clearly see, I absolutely suck at keeping up with regular posting on this site. No excuses, it's just a pain in the butt for me to upload here. So, if you're interested, check it out on Twilighted for a regular update schedule, or hang out on here and I will try to do my best with updates.

Thanks! Happy New Year to you!

~Hitchy


	35. Best Laid Plans

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's best laid plans in this chapter.**

**Chapter 35 – Best Laid Plans**

**Chapter Songs – I Want You ~ Kings of Leon and Animal ~ Pearl Jam **

**JPOV**

I huffed a bit and shook out my fur as I ran further into the woods. The early morning light was just beginning to seep in through the branches. I wanted to talk to Sam as quickly as possible and make it back to the others in time for lunch. We slept in a little today, after a late night, and had missed breakfast. My stomach was rumbling and protesting the late morning run without food, but I didn't regret sleeping in. I chuckled to myself and shook my head a bit as I found a little clearing to pace in and wait for Sam. I was glad to be alone, as Sam's guys, not mine, were on patrol in La Push tonight and none of them could hear me. Sam could only hear what I wanted him to, and I definitely did not want to give him a play by play of our night last night.

I didn't often get time alone, so I left a little early this morning and took advantage of the situation allowing my mind to run over thoughts of Nessie and I together last night. I had a lot to think about… plans to make.

Things had been heating up between us, exponentially, over the last little while. I was trying, always, to remember to take things slowly, that she was young and that we had all the time in the world to wait… but, even though she was a bit shy and this was all very new, she wasn't in the mood to wait. And it was just so hard to _resist _her when she was trying to be... _persuasive_. We both felt our incredibly intense physical connection. It was actually almost _painful_ at times for us to stop, slow down or take a step back.

I was in a constant state of arousal, almost to the point of embarrassment. Seriously, if Leah gave me the eyebrow and snickered at me one more time, after seeing the evidence of our "patience" tucked away in my jeans, I was going to rip her to shreds.

I needed her. It was like something vital organ was missing when she wasn't there. My heart probably, since it beat for her and her alone. I wasn't _me_ when she wasn't around. I knew Nessie felt it too. She showed me once, in a vision, a picture of her without me. Her skin was translucent, not solid – you could see through it. She was there, but not whole… like a ghost.

We were always together, always touching somehow, holding hands, arm in arm, brushing fingertips together whenever we could. I felt drawn to her, physically, all the time. It was as if our bodies and hearts weren't whole unless they were somehow connected with the other.

When she wasn't around, like just now, I felt a bit cold. My skin, blood and bones were all searching for the connection to her. It was almost like losing a limb. My body felt just as foreign without her as it would without a leg or an arm. So we were constantly in contact, constantly kissing and touching… and more. My mind wandered back to last night as I thought about exactly how _much_ more than kissing and touching we had been doing.

"_Jake," she said breathlessly as ran my tongue over her left nipple and my thumb over her right. They reacted to my touch, her body as responsive as always to mine, and I quivered in response to her._

_She was straddling my waist in our bed, her back arched as she swiveled her hips over mine, both of us only in our underwear after our pajamas had been tossed to the floor. Her hips drove into me slowly, pressing her heated core right up against my painfully hard and straining length as I felt her shudder lightly._

_I moaned and fought back the urge to flip her over and take her right then and there. My jaw clenched and strained with the effort, as my hands slid down to her hips and wrapped around them. My body was already off and running, ready for her, wanting her, needing her so badly that I began to shake with effort of holding off. I looked up to see her, her head was lolling back, her brown eyes closed, her full lips slightly parted, bronze curls flowing down her back and her entire body was flushed with desire. It was NOT helping my resolve. _

_I groaned and tightened my grip on her hips just a bit, forcing her to stop her movements. I needed to stop, while my mind was still strong enough to convince my body that it was still a possibility._

_She groaned and leaned forward resting her forehead on mine. No words were said. We had been down this road more than once over the last couple of weeks, and there was always a time when I would inevitably have to stop, forcing us to catch our breath and remember why we were not going to take that extra step that night. _

_Only tonight was different._

"_Jake," she whispered into my ear as she kissed my jaw and then pulled back to look me in the eyes. Her facial expression was a beautiful mixture of desire, need and something else I couldn't quite peg, but it was obvious that she was not happy with the current situation._

"_Jacob… please." She said and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips, never taking her eyes off mine. Her intentions were very clear. She wanted more._

_I huffed out a sigh and kissed her back, before shaking my head, not even able to get the words out tonight. I was afraid to try, because my body wanted to so badly it might revolt against my resolve and let out an involuntary "yes" instead. It hurt to deny her anything, especially something I so clearly wanted too..._

_She frowned and shook her head back at me sadly. I was caught off guard by that a little. Usually she was quite frustrated and a little upset, but she had never been sad. I hated making her feel that way. I wanted her so badly, and it would have been so easy to just tell her yes and make her mine right then and there, but I didn't want our first time making love to be like that. I wanted it to be special, and memorable and most of all I wanted to be absolutely one hundred percent sure that she was ready. I had to say, I knew she was probably very close to it, but I wasn't taking any chances with this. I needed to be able to trust, without a shadow of a doubt from either one of us, that we would never, ever regret making that decision. I knew what I wanted and what I needed. My body, mind, heart and soul craved her. I wanted to love her in every way possible for a man to love a woman, because she was everything to me, and she deserved to be loved. And although I knew it was a very, very slim possibility that she didn't need me quite the same way at this point, there was still something holding me back. Just a feeling that we shouldn't yet, and I couldn't shake it._

_I felt her shift and lean her entire body weight on to me as she kissed me again. It was soft and wanting. _

"_I need you. I want you. I love you," she whispered against my lips, and then pulled back to kiss my jaw. She didn't say anything else, but her eyes made it very clear that we were definitely not done for the night._

"_I love you too." I whispered as she kissed down my neck and over my collar bones. She had been bolder lately, letting her hands roam over my body and explore as we kissed and tonight she seemed to be wanting to do the same with her lips, kissing me everywhere. I kissed what I could reach of her and ran my hands over her body in return, loving the way her smooth, warm skin felt beneath my hands. Our magnetic pull and heated electric hum was in full force. I felt like we were wrapped in it, like a warm quilt, tightly bound around us, holding us to each other, surrounded by our unique connection._

_Her fingertips trailed along my stomach as she kissed my chest and then made her way down to my abs, tickling and kissing them at the same time. I shuddered lightly at the combination of the two sensations and leaned back into the pillow, closing my eyes, using the feeling of the trail of warmth her touch left to follow her movements. I felt her fingertips gently slip under the waist of my boxers and her brush over my length, back and forth, very lightly. _

_I moaned and gripped the sheets, afraid to let go, because I felt my wall of resolve waiver and threaten to come crashing down on me. She ran her fingers up and down twice more before I felt her hand slide back up and tug at the hem of my boxers, silently asking if she could take them off. I lifted my hips and felt her slide them down and off, freeing my hard, throbbing erection for her to touch. _

_I kept my eyes closed and waited for her. She was still a bit shy being around me naked, or me being around her completely naked. We had been together like that a few times over the last couple of weeks, but I think her hesitation with this aspect of our physical relationship was the clue that told me she wasn't quite one hundred percent 'ready' yet. So I kept my eyes closed and waited for her touch, deciding to allow her to explore me without looking at her tonight, thinking that maybe she would become a bit more comfortable being with me like this._

_So you can imagine my surprise when I felt her moving towards me immediately, without any hesitation at all. I felt the mattress shift beneath me as she got comfortable and then she shocked me again._

_I expected her to continue to brush her fingers over me, or maybe even her hand as she had done a few times before. _

_Instead, I felt a light, _hot andwet_ touch, right at the tip of my length. I gasped, my eyes flying open and hands flying up. I think my eyes almost jumped out their sockets at the sight of her – with her mouth a mere half an inch from right _there. Oh my god. _She had... licked me. _

_**Shit **__did that ever feel good._

_I reached out quickly and took her face in my hands, pulling her up to me._

"_Nessie, you… you don't have to do that." I said, even as my body planned its own death by permanent blue balls at the thought of not continuing. _

_She shook her head and stared straight into my eyes. She was confident, not shy or hesitant. Her wide brown eyes were shining with love and desire as she spoke._

"_I know I don't have to Jake, I __**want **__to. I love you, and I want to… to have you with me, to be... __**joined**__ with you in any way I can. I want to do this with you. I need to. Just… just let me do this... at least this Jacob. Please."_

_I looked at her in awe and amazement, taking in the seriousness of her expression, the love, the desire and the complete and utter _trust_ she held for me in her eyes. There was no hesitation, no maybe's or what if's, nothing but one hundred percent love and trust. And then everything fell into place. It was the last piece of the puzzle. Everything I needed to know was there in her eyes. She was ready for more. _

_And so was I. _

_But not tonight. Not like this. No, I had plans... plans that were getting more elaborate by the second now that this was soon to become a reality. But things would take a little time to prepare. So for tonight, I would let her lead. I would be hers and she could do whatever she wanted with me._

_I slowly let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding._

"_Are you sure you want to…?" I asked just make sure. My brow furrowed as I thought about the fact that she had just asked and said 'please' with regards to pleasing me with her mouth._

_She nodded and simply said a quiet 'yes', and then waited for my response. I nodded slowly in return. She kissed my mouth lightly and then let her fingertips run over my length. Before long she made her way back down my chest and abs kissing lightly every few inches, and then paused when she reached her destination. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back into the pillow, knowing that if that one touch of her tongue was any indication of how it was going to feel, I couldn't look at her while she did it. I wouldn't last a second._

_Even though I knew what was coming, my hips jumped a bit in response to her tongue sliding lightly over the tip of my length again. The same heat and pull that was present whenever we touched was there, but intensified a bit by the heat of her tongue and breath. And then the feeling of her tongue, slippery and soft sliding over the most sensitive part of me was… nothing fucking short of the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life._

_She continued to lick and slide her tongue over me as I fisted the sheets again and moaned. Her tongue was moving a bit faster and harder now. _

_I felt her hot breath tickle me as she leaned in and kissed the head of my length, wrapping her lips around it lightly. _

_She. Was. Going. To. Kill. Me. Like. This._

"_Nessie," I panted and reached out to weave my fingers lightly into her soft hair. _

"_You… it feels so… you're... you're driving me… crazy baby." I said as I tried my best to string together words into a coherent thought noting that my voice was a bit strangled and strained._

_She hummed lightly and then leaned in again, this time taking a bit more of me in her mouth. I fought with all my willpower to keep my hips firmly planted to the mattress. The part of me that she had in her mouth felt so fucking good, the rest of me ached to be there too. But I had to let her do this at her own pace. This amazing, loving and beautiful woman was doing this for me and I had to do whatever I could to make it easy for her, not more pleasurable for myself. I was not that selfish._

_I whimpered, yes fucking whimpered, with the effort to control my reactions to her, but held myself firmly in place, letting her control the pace._

_She seemed to sense my urgency though, because the next thing she did was slide her mouth up slowly, causing me to light on fire from head to toe with the wet hot friction that involved, and then slid back down again, a_ _**lot**__ further this time. _

_A __**whole fucking lot**__ further. _

"_Uuuungh. Ness," was all I could manage to get out. I lost all coherent thought at that point, only feeling her mouth on me, sliding slowly up and down my length, her tongue swirling lightly over the tip as she made her way to the top and then back down. Over, and over and over again. I felt myself coil like a spring, my stomach muscles tightened, my body getting harder all over. The hand in her hair threatened to tighten into a fist, but I fought back the urge and simply weaved my fingers deeper into her soft hair._

"_Nessie," I panted out, trying my best to talk, to let her know I was getting close. I had to warn her so she could move._

_She hummed again, around me this time and the sensation seemed to resonate through my body. I fought hard to maintain control. There was no way she could know how good that felt... she was so unbelievably sexy without even trying. It was like her body instinctively knew how to drive mine absolutely wild with desire for her._

_And then she made the move that undid me completely. Her small, soft hand wrapped around the base of my length, covering a large portion of what her mouth couldn't, and moved in time with her lips._

_A vision. Her – me – together – like this... ._

"_Ness!" I gasped loudly, "Move – I'm going to –" _

_And then she shook her head – __**fucking shook her head 'no'**__… and I was gone._

_I heard a loud moan. It was as though it wasn't my own and I was floating around outside of my body. I felt every muscle in my body tense and then shudder hard as I released into her. I was breathing fast and hard and felt that my body was covered in a light sheen of sweat as she – _

"Jacob?" Sam called, bringing me back abruptly from my memory of last night. I shook my head, seriously thankful, once again, that I was alone, and no one else was with me to witness my recount of last night's events.

"Yeah," I said distractedly to Sam, "I'm here." I felt like a high school kid again. All I could think about what we had just done, and what I was planning for us the next chance we had to be alone. And with thoughts of that running through my head I really couldn't focus on anything else.

"...of town and I had to go check out the trail." Sam said tiredly. There was a pause. "Jake?"

"What?" I said shaking my head and bringing myself back to focus on Sam.

"Jake are you ok? You seem really... _distracted_ this morning. Is everything ok with Nessie?"

I chuckled to myself and sighed. _Pull it together Jake_, I thought.

"Yeah, everything's great with her Sam. I'm just a little tired. Didn't get enough sleep last night I guess." I said, trying to keep my voice as casual as possible.

I heard Sam chuckle in understanding on his end. _Crap, not casual enough_.

"Well, like I said I had to chase down a dead end trail this morning, otherwise I would have been here sooner. But it seems like you had some nice memories to keep you company while you waited, so I guess you don't mind." He stated and then laughed lightly.

"Real funny Sam," I said laughing a bit myself and then changed the subject before it could get any more embarrassing.

"So, no new leads on Kaya?" I asked quietly.

There had been several scents caught around La Push since Kaya's disappearance, all of them half-vampire scents, that led to dead end trails. The warning we had been waiting to receive from the PoD on our end hadn't arrived. We weren't sure if it was because we had moved out to the east coast and they couldn't find us, or if there was something else going on. It felt like we were at a standstill, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Nothing new here," Sam said sadly. Jared and his family were beside themselves, knowing that Kaya was in the hands of the sick bastard that was likely to hurt or kill her to get what he wanted.

Nessie had been begging me for me to help her follow up on her father's suggestion and let her fall asleep alone, so she could 'dream' as she called it and look for any sorts of clues to help us find Kaya. She was convinced that if her dreams _were_ predictions and if she tried enough, one of her dreams would lead us to wherever Kaya was being held.

I refused. I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there and hold her hand, living through that with her... not knowing when or even _if _she was going to wake up from the next nightmare. There had to be another way to find Kaya and her captors. Edward had been keeping in touch almost daily through phone calls and texts and said they were following a couple of hot leads. I didn't feel like we were out of options yet. And I wasn't willing to let Nessie risk herself for a hunch that her nightmares might be able to help.

"How are things there?" Sam asked when I hadn't offered anything new to the conversation.

"Well, we're settled here on Prince Edward Island for the time being. The island is holding a public New Years Eve party tonight, so we're going to catch a bit of that. I don't like the idea of being out in such a big crowd, but it is New Years, and we're going to stick to the outer edges of the crowds, so we can get away quickly if we need to."

I was trying my best to keep things as 'normal' as possible for Nessie. She missed her family a lot during the holidays, and with the lack of attention from the sick leech that was stalking her lately, she was beginning to feel like all of this was for nothing. She hated causing all of us to turn our lives upside down for her. What she didn't ever seem to understand was that we weren't doing it because we felt obligated. We were all there with her because we wanted to be. I had even talked to Seth, suggesting that he and Olivia might want to head home, what with her being pregnant and sick a lot, but he refused. He said they wouldn't dream of 'skipping out on us' and that La Push wasn't exactly safe nowadays anyways with all of the trails that the guys had been following. It was like the PoD was looking for something there... and Seth didn't want Olivia there when they found it.

I tended to agree with Seth. Although the other wolves were doing their best, La Push wasn't safer than Olivia being with the four of us, and I felt better knowing that they were with us here.

I finished up with Sam, letting him know that we were planning to stay here in P.E.I for the next two days before moving down the east coast into the states, to Vermont. We agreed to meet again when we got settled in there before the conversation ended and I was heading back to the others.

~~~000~~~

**RPOV**

"Oh my goodness!" Olivia exclaimed as Leah grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the edge of the crowd to where we were standing and dancing.

It was an oddly warm night for New Year's Eve, not even below freezing, so there were quite a few people out enjoying the live music and waiting for the midnight fireworks. I smiled lightly at Olivia, who rolled her eyes at me after she had clearly decided that if she couldn't beat Leah in a debate about dancing with us, she would just join us.

Leah loved to dance and after smiling widely at Olivia, who was now dancing, she was once again in her own little world, moving to the music, singing the lyrics lightly under her breath as she sipped her drink and glanced around. The song was quick and lively, just her type.

Olivia and I talked quietly about the beautiful landscape around us, trees and bare rock outcropping lying just beyond the road behind us and an ocean just beyond the beach we were standing on. Neither Olivia nor I had seen very much of the world and were taking this rare opportunity to enjoy the sights around us. The landscape on this coast was both similar and yet so different to what we were used to on the other side of the continent.

Jake and Seth stood back a bit, keeping an eye on things, taking turns getting refreshments and chatting casually.

The song changed into one with a bit of a slower beat, just perfect for dancing with a partner to. I grinned as I recognized the song the band was covering as one on Jake's and my iPods. The sultry, playful beat of the King's of Leon's 'I Want You' filled the air as I turned to look at Jake, with my eyebrows raised, waiting to see if he'd join me.

I didn't have to wait long. Both he and Seth were over in a flash. Seth wrapped Olivia up in his arms and began moving with her to the beat, stooping a bit to place his forehead on hers. Jake had spun me around to hold me from behind, kissing my neck and smiling into it wordlessly as we began to sway. I notice Leah roll her eyes and make her way over to the refreshment stand out of the corner of my eye.

I felt Jake pressing me into him as his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I let my head fall back to his shoulder as he leaned into me. I was wearing wedge heeled boots tonight, giving me just enough height to tilt my head up and kiss him with an open mouth on his smooth, square jaw. He rumbled a low growl and attacked my neck with open mouthed kisses of his own. I lifted an arm to reach behind his head and weave my fingers in his short black hair and sighed. I felt him line his entire body up with mine as we swayed to the beat and leaned back into his obvious arousal. He spun me around to face him suddenly and crushed our bodies together in his embrace as he kissed my ear and whispered the lyrics to the chorus to me softly.

Normally I would be embarrassed at being so affectionate in such a public place, with our friends just a few feet away - but not tonight. My heart had no more room for embarrassment or hesitation where Jake was concerned. I loved him, and I wanted the entire world to know it. Like this, with our bodies hot and blood racing, his length pressed firmly into my hip as we moved together to the beat, I lost track of place and time, just focusing on Jake and exactly how much I wanted _him_. His lips trailed up and down my neck as we danced and swayed to the rest of the song, leaving me dizzy and breathless with desire. Unfortunately, the song ended and changed abruptly into something quicker, bringing us back to reality. He pulled back to look in my eyes, still holding me tightly. He seemed to be boring into them, searching, looking all the way down to my soul for the answer to some sort of question. Then he smiled slowly, as if he found what he was looking for, his eyes shining with love, happiness and desire from our dance together.

"You mind if I talk to Seth for a minute?" he asked softly "I thought I could take you somewhere a bit more private to watch the fireworks, and I just want to check and make sure that it's ok with him."

I looked up at him curiously. He was grinning a bit, his bright white teeth gleaming from between his full lips and his eyes danced with some sort of emotion that I couldn't identify. I was planning on spending the whole night with the others because Jake and I had been spending most of our time alone together lately, but I was such a sucker for that grin. So I smiled a bit, excited at the chance to spend the stroke of midnight alone with Jake. He kissed me quickly and told me he'd be right back. As they talked I saw Seth smile nod as Olivia sent a small smile over my way. I couldn't have asked for better friends. I had no right to be anything but happy for them about their marriage and baby, when they were always happy to support Jake and I.

I looked over to spot Leah walking back through the crowd, still really far away, with a scowl on her face. She seemed to be looking for something. I waved, hoping she wasn't having trouble finding us, but just as I did her head turned in the opposite direction. I shrugged to myself as Jake made his way back to me. She would find Seth and Olivia, I had no doubt. Her senses were so good that, despite the crowd, she could probably sniff them out when she got about twenty feet closer.

Jake took my hand and wove our fingers together as he met me. He turned and started to walk back towards the side of the road where we had parked the motorcycle we rode here on. We climbed onto the bike, him at the front, me behind him with my arms wrapped firmly around his waist, head resting on his shoulders.

"Ready?" he asked as he started up the engine. I nodded and gave him a little squeeze, and then we took off, flying down the dimly lit road. The whole island seemed to be at the party on the beach tonight or locked up indoors, because there wasn't another car in sight the whole time we drove.

We were about five miles down the road when I inhaled and caught a weak scent that made my stomach turn and fill with dread. Jake must have caught it at the same time because he cursed under his breath and immediately stiffened taking in our surroundings. We didn't have time to do anything else before I was unceremoniously ripped off of the back of the moving motorcycle and landed in a heap on the asphalt, held down by a set of strong arms.

It all seemed to be happening in slow motion, my mind catching every detail as the horrifying events unfolded.

"Nessie!" I heard Jake scream as I flew through the air. I heard the bike skid and screech loudly, the distinct sound of the vehicle crashing to the ground and clothes tearing as I turned my head to see Jake flip backwards off the bike, toward me, phasing into wolf form mid air.

I yelped his name as I caught my breath and the set of arms holding me began to drag me quickly towards the surrounding trees. A growl, so feral and lethal, but beautiful to me in its declaration of protection, shook me to my core and made my hair stand on end, as it ripped through Jake's chest and filled the night air around us. I knew that if there were anyone in the area for miles they would hear it.

Jake leapt forward immediately, but no sooner had his front paws landed on the ground in front of him then not one, two, three, or even four, but _five_ half-vampires leapt down from high in the trees above us to stand in front of Jake, blocking his path. He snarled and lunged at them as I screamed in terror. They were all male, which meant they were venomous, and half-vampire strength or not, they were dangerous to him.

"NO! Jake, NO!" I yelled and began thrashing wildly against the arms that were still holding and dragging me, further into the forest and away from Jake. I flung my elbows backward and crashed them into his chest, kicking my feet, trying to knock him off balance. I heard the creature behind me grunt a little with his efforts to hold me off and felt a very faint glimmer of hope as I inhaled my next breath. A weak scent... and if he was grunting trying to keep up with my efforts to escape this creature was not a full vampire. _I might have a chance at fighting him off._

As if he read the hope in my thoughts the creature behind me chuckled darkly and lowered his face toward the crook in my neck. "Don't even think about it princess," his dark and oddly musical voice said, dripping with disdain, "I've got one weapon you don't. Although I would rather not use it... my orders were to leave you alive," and then he growled and bared his teeth, reminding me of my own vulnerability. Venom. I was no match for that.

I continued to thrash, as his grip around my arms and torso tightened again, painfully constricting my body and rendering my efforts almost useless. If he was supposed to leave me alive then I had to hope that he wouldn't disobey his orders and end up killing me for trying to escape.

I heard loud snaps and snarls in the surrounding forest as Jake did his best to fight off the others and make his way to me. But there were five of them... _five_. There was no way he could fight them all off alone. And what if one of them got their teeth into him when he was distracted? _Oh please God, no!_

I would give them whatever they wanted to spare him. He couldn't get hurt because of me!

"What do you want?" I spat, anger ringing out in my voice. I was sick of playing games. Tired of running and being afraid. I wanted to know what this was about, once and for all.

He chuckled again and made an attempt to turn me around in his grip, to face me as he spoke. I took advantage of the moment of weakness in the fraction of a second it took him to loosen his grip. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and wrenched myself forward, falling loose from his grip.

"FUCK!" he cursed as I began to scramble to my feet. I felt his hand grip my ankle and then wrench me back down to the forest floor.

I barely had time to register the fall when he was suddenly on top of me, pinning me down with my hands above my head. I looked my assailant in the eye for the first time and took him in. He was light skinned, his eyes a deep shade of green. His long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

'You fucking sly little bitch," he spat, breathing hard from his efforts to contain me. Then he laughed, a sinister and terrifying sound before he continued to hurl words at my face.

"You want to know what I want? What I've been sent here for?" He snarled, his face just inches from mine.

"YES!" I shouted at him, yanking on my arms and trying to move my legs in vain. I was pinned to the ground, one of his hands holding both of mine down, his knees digging into my calves pinning my legs down as well. His weight was heavy on me like an anchor, holding me to the earth.

He spoke again, his voice low, and musical, almost hypnotic, yet dark, sending chills down my spine.

"You. You think you can run, and hide... but you can't. I've been sent here by _him _because he wants you to be his. He said he wants you more than anything else in the world." His eyes roved over every inch of me that he could see in the position we were in, in a way that made my stomach leap to my throat in terror. I wanted to scream, but couldn't make the lump in my throat disappear.

I squirmed and fought for him to release me as I spat back "I will NEVER be his."

He laughed in my face and gripped harder still. "I know what you think. I saw your sexy little dance with that _animal_ on the beach earlier. You think you're his. You're _wrong_." His voice reeked of confidence in his declaration and disgust for my own opinion. It made me shudder with anger.

I shifted and tried to roll us to the side as I threw the truth out at him hurling my own words in disgust at his degradation of the man I loved. "I'd rather be with that warm, loving _animal _than some sick, psychotic, _bastard_ who has hurt the people I love and made my life hell for months on end!"

"You asked, and so now you've been told. He said he _needs_ you to help him build his family, to make it strong and vital. And now I guess I can see why. You're hot and feisty... I like them _feisty_ myself. Strong and vital... those are good words to describe your hot little ass." And with that, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I'm his most trusted advisor." He purred in the most sickening way imaginable, "I'm sure he won't mind if I... _sample the goods_ first."

I swallowed back my disgust and fear as my stomach rolled and fear began to creep in on me once again. His free hand made its way to my shirt. I screamed in terror as I felt him grind his hips into me before pulling at my shirt, attempting to rip it off.

"NO!" I cried out desperately. I pulled and pushed at him, working furiously to get free. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Get your hands off of me!" He smirked down at my face as I struggled uselessly against his grip on my hands and he pressed his knees into me even harder to keep my legs in place, but spreading them apart a bit so he could settle himself between them at the same time.

"STOP!" I cried in vain, "NO! Please... please NO!""

I suddenly heard a plethora of sounds filling the night air; a series of loud snarls in the surrounding forest, followed by a gasp and then screaming, loud thuds and other sounds of horror. _NO! _I thought_ What if Jake's hurt? This can't be happening! No! JAKE ! NO!_

My shirt began to give way. I was terrified. He was going to rape me... and all I could think was - _No, God please no! Not like this... please, not like this! _

My shirt was ripped free of my body and the night air hit my skin.

I broke down, sobbing, still struggling to get free, while he laughed and reached for my bra.

I continued to thrash against him.

If he was going to do this he was going to have to fight me for it.

The forest around us quieted.

His snarls got louder.

I froze, suddenly petrified that it was all over.

"Jake!" I screamed hoarsely. Why couldn't I hear him?

And then the dread settled in.

"NO!" I screamed so loudly it pierced my own ears.

A menacing snarl, loud and high and long rang out in the air around us as I felt my attacker being ripped away from me and hurled across the forest into a tree. My head was spinning, dizzy with relief.

_Jake. _

The attacker's body collided with the tree trunk with a loud smack, before falling to the forest floor. I looked over at Jake, scanning him carefully from head to toe, looking for injuries. I was relieved to see that he seemed unhurt. He turned, looking back to take me in. His eyes narrowed and he growled furiously as saw me, shirtless and shaking on the ground.

Just then, another form began barreling towards us through the trees. I startled instinctively before leaping to my feet and bearing my teeth with a snarl before I registered that the large creature in the shadows was Leah. Without a second glance toward me, Leah lunged forward and began to chase my attacker, as he had gotten to his feet and was attempting to escape.

I turned back to look at Jake, who was approaching me, his head hung low, eyes searching me everywhere for injury like I had done to him.

"I'm ok," I heard myself whisper. But it was strangled and I hiccoughed at the end as it was getting hard to breathe with the knot that was building in my throat.

A low whine escaped him as he crept toward me slowly and began eyeing me warily. I couldn't figure out why he was looking at me like that. Why was he so hesitant? My whole body screamed for him, needing his touch, his warmth, his love, his comfort.

I felt my face crumble and I began to cry silent tears at the same time that I realized I was still crouching defensively and had probably been bearing my teeth at him without realizing it. I was suddenly exhausted and leaned against the tree behind me, knees folding and slumping to the ground. My head fell forward onto my knees as I wrapped my arms around them, and I curled up into a ball to sob violently.

I felt Jake's massive wolf form lie down in front of me and curl around me tightly, protectively. I leaned forward into him and buried my face in his neck, hugging him to me with all of my strength and continued to sob. I felt him stiffen, growl and then whine beneath me, as he saw what had happened. I tried to block it out, tried not to show him, but my mind couldn't think of anything else. So I stopped fighting it, tightened my grip on him and rode out the memories and the sobs as best I could.

After what felt like forever, as my sobs quieted, Jake's head rose up and he nudged me lightly with his nose, encouraging me to climb on his back. I slowly moved out of my position and grabbed on to him, pulling myself up and onto his back, laying down with my head resting between his ears. He rose to his feet and began to carry me back to the road.

By the time we got there Seth, Leah and Olivia were there, waiting for us. Seth helped me down and as soon as my feet hit the ground I was pulled into Leah's outstretched arms. She was whispering that they were all gone, that she and Jake had gotten rid of them, and one ran away. I nodded, but couldn't find the words to speak my thanks. I tried to show her, but I was shaking so hard that my hand wouldn't stay still on her skin long enough to permit it.

I needed Jake. I needed his warmth, the security of his strong arms around me. I needed him to hold me together, or I was going to fall apart. I wasn't hurt, not physically. But my heart felt like it had been through hell and back, thinking Jake was dead, thinking that I was getting kidnapped and was almost violated beyond repair.

I felt myself slipping, my knees wobbling beneath me. I was literally weak with fear. How was that even possible for someone that was part vampire? I had no idea, but it was.

I felt a blanket being draped around me just before I was about to slide to the ground. I turned my face into his chest and hiccoughed a sigh of relief through my tears. He scooped me up into his arms, one arm under my shoulders, one under my knees.

"Seth, get the car. Nessie and I are going to ride with you and Olivia. Leah, bring the bike back to the dealership and then Seth can meet you and bring you back to the bed and breakfast." He said as he pulled the blanket around me tightly, making sure I was covered.

"Jake, maybe you should –" Leah began to suggest.

"I said _get the bike_ Leah," he nearly growled at her. Then he whispered, his voice low and authoritative, "She needs me. I'm not leaving her right now," before placing a light kiss on top of my hair and squeezing me gently to him.

I heard no further arguments from anyone. I shifted so my head was nestled firmly into the crook of his neck and began to feel the heaviness of exhaustion take over. I heard Jake talking as I drifted off, beginning to fall asleep. I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or someone else, and I couldn't ask or answer him. The only thing I knew or cared about was that he was safe, and for now, I was safe and in his arms.

I didn't have the strength to care about anything else in that moment.

OK, so Seth and Olivia are married! For those that are interested, I will be writing a companion fic for these two, telling the story of how they met, and how their love developed. It will start when they met (before the beginning of this fic) and continue through it. It will include some extras that could be considered behind the scenes for this fic… like outtakes from Seth and Olivia's POV's. I will definitely post it on Twilighted, and I will try to post it on here too… but as you can all clearly see, I absolutely suck at keeping up with regular posting on this site. No excuses, it's just a pain in the butt for me to upload here. So, if you're interested, check it out on Twilighted for a regular update schedule, or hang out on here and I will try to do my best with updates.

Thanks! Happy New Year to you!

~Hitchy


	36. Without You

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Nessie's pain and Jake's comfort in this chapter.**

**Chapter 36 – Without You**

**Chapter Songs – Breathe Me ~ Sia and Without You ~ Three Days Grace **

Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
I'm needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
I'm needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
I'm needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

_Breathe Me ~ Sia_

**JPOV**

She trembled in my hands, and clung to me the entire way back to the tiny bed and breakfast we had rented out for ourselves. She didn't say a word. Her silence was harder to take than her sobs. She just hung off of me, trembling. I wanted to help her, and soothe her, but I had no idea how. So I just held her close and kissed her hair.

When we got back Seth let us in and I carried her straight up the stairs to our room. I asked Olivia to come with us while Seth went to get Leah.

Olivia decided to run her a bath while I sat with her in my arms on the edge of the bed. She immediately curled up into a tiny ball in my lap, folding in on herself, as if she couldn`t get small enough, like she wanted to hide and disappear. I wrapped my arms around her as she trembled, trying to cover her in warmth, our warmth, to let her know that she was ok, she was safe. I had never seen her so vulnerable, so needy before... and it broke my heart.

I sucked in a deep breath, inhaling her sweet scent. She smelled like peaches and _home._ I never wanted to be without this, without her.

I kept breathing deeply, evenly, taking her in with each breath hoping her shallow rapid breaths would even out and mirror mine.

The room was small and cozy. The yellow walls, white furniture and bedding reflected the moonlight streaming through the window on the French doors to the small balcony. Her skin seemed paler in the moonlight, almost bluish, and her hair, wild and twisted into knots from fighting off her attacker, was darker, making her pale skin stand out in contrast. I rubbed her wrists lightly with my other hand, over the darkening bruises.

"Nessie," I whispered kissing her hair and rubbing her back. She stopped trembling. I sighed in relief.

"Jake," she squeaked out in a tiny whisper. I heard her breath hitch and she shook briefly again.

"It's ok baby," I whispered, "you're safe."

The water turned off and Olivia came out of the bathroom. She waited in the doorway until I looked up and acknowledged her presence before she spoke in her quiet and soothing voice.

"Bath's ready Jake. Do you need me to help her?" she asked, her face full of sympathy and understanding as she took in Nessie's frightened form on my lap. I frowned at the thought of letting her go. I knew she needed to get cleaned up and that the last thing she needed right now was a man, any man, undressing her or handling her body for any purpose, but I didn't want to let her go. I had come so close to losing her, I didn't want to be separated from her for any reason.

But this wasn't about me. She needed help and for once, I was probably not the best person to provide it.

I nodded. I was suddenly very grateful for Olivia's presence tonight, that she and Seth had not decided to head back to La Push. Olivia would know better than anyone how to help her right now.

"Ness, Olivia ran you a bath." I whispered into her ear as I rubbed her back slowly. "She's going to help you get undressed and get you settled. Can you-"

Before I could ask her whether or not she could walk there on her own, she began shaking her head vehemently. Her hair flew around a bit and into my face, so I pulled it back with my hand and looked at her face as she tilted her head back to look at mine.

The look in her eyes was staggering. They were full of longing and defiance. She was now gripping on to my shirt, nails digging into my chest a bit. Her mouth opened and closed twice silently as she tried to voice her concerns.

"Please no," she managed to squeak out. I stared at her, confused. No? No what? No bath? I took a second or two to look her over. She was a mess; dirt, leaves, small bits of twigs and brush were everywhere, but mostly in her hair. She could try to sleep like that but it wouldn't be very comfortable and she needed the rest.

"Nessie, I know you're tired, but you really should get cleaned up. It'll just take a few minutes. I'll light a fire in the fireplace across from the bed and get your pajamas ready while you get cleaned up, then you can sleep as long as you want." I told her quietly and began to stand up.

"No!" she exclaimed and then grabbed on to me tightly, squeezing as hard as she could. The pressure actually hurt a little. That said a lot considering she wasn't nearly as strong as a full blooded vampire, or werewolf for that matter.

"No." She repeated softly, "don't go. Please... please stay with me Jake. I... I need you to stay. Please, don't go." Her voice was full of desperation and need.

Olivia spoke up again, whispering softly. "You're her best friend Jacob... as much as she needs her friends right now, she needs you too."

Oddly enough, I found that I could understand where she was coming from. I thought I was going to lose her. She was everything to me. I thought that they were going to take her from me, and felt like my world was going to end. It was clear to me that she needed to be with me right now as much as I needed to be with her. Maybe more.

So I nodded in agreement and felt her relax immediately in my arms. I asked Olivia to stay and help me get her undressed, just in case.

I carried her to the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the tub. I sat her on my lap and spoke softly to her, whispering words of love and encouragement as I worked to unfold her from her little ball. I was gentle, so gentle, and it was slow. She seemed so fragile, like she might break if we went too fast or if we pushed her too hard. When she was finally lying against me, my arms around her waist, her head on my shoulder, back to my chest, legs draped over mine, Olivia told her she was going to take her jeans off and asked if it was ok. She nodded and tried to help, with trembling hands, but I pulled them back and held them in mine as I held her to me.

Slowly Olivia undid them and slid them down and off her legs. Olivia gasped under her breath, hand flying up to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, before looking at me, jeans still in her hand.

My breath caught in my throat, my grip tightened around her slightly and I choked on my own breath as her lower half was revealed. A growl rose in my throat and I swallowed it back, I did not want her worrying about my reactions on top of everything else she had to worry about.

She had several small bruises on her inner calves from his knees and a small red mark, not quite a bruise, but close enough, on her left hipbone. _That_ _fucking parasite had ground himself into her hard enough to leave a mark!_ Bruise or not, I was furious at that tiny red mark. I fought back another angry growl thinking about what could have happened to her if I had gotten there even a couple of minutes later... or if I hadn't gotten there at all. He would have brutalized her. He may have only been a half vampire, but he was almost as tall and big as me. She fought him hard, but she wouldn't have stood a chance against someone exhibiting that kind of force on her body. The fact that there were several bruises on both her arms and legs told me how hard she fought. I could see it in her thoughts after I found her and this confirmed it for me. He struggled to keep her under his control, and had to replace his hands and knees on her several times to do so.

I ran my hands up and down her arms as I turned to kiss her forehead and clenched my jaw. I was angry and upset, but wanting to restrain it and not add to her fear and her pain. She was my heart and soul. I ached for her. She was compassionate and gentle and this was an act of aggression so harsh against her that it shook her to her core. This was wrong... so wrong. She should be loved and cherished, not held down and practically beaten into submission.

"I'm so proud of you baby. You fought... you fought him so hard. You won." I kissed her again and rocked her a bit as she began to cry silent tears into my neck.

"I'm ok. I'm ok Jake." She whispered as she cried.

"I love you. You're safe now. I won't let them touch you again. I promise, you're safe." And I meant it. Sam had been in his wolf form to witness what happened tonight. He promised to send reinforcements with the Cullens, some from his pack, and some from mine, to find this sick bastard and _end this_. The constant vampire and half-vampire presence in La Push lately had been enough to create eight new werewolves, some of the boys as young as thirteen. However young, with the new numbers we could afford to spare some of the older, more experienced ones to go with the Cullens. Embry and Jared volunteered. Embry volunteered because he and Nessie had become friends over the years and Jared did it because he was chomping at the bit to find his sister and kill whoever took her. Kim was going to stay with my sister Rachel and Paul, who was staying back to help Sam. I left Quil in charge of the rest, some of the newer wolves had opted to join my pack instead of Sam's, so in addition to keeping the people of La Push safe, Quil was in charge of training the young ones, making sure they knew how to fight and defend themselves.

I kicked my shoes off and asked Olivia if she could grab my socks. She nodded, wiping tears from her face. When I saw her tears I felt horrible, as I realized that this must have been hard for her, like reliving old memories that she never wanted to see again.

She helped me with my socks and then I slid us both in the tub, Nessie in just her pink bra and matching underwear and me in everything but my socks. I sat back, keeping her against my chest and held her while Olivia slowly washed her, talking quietly explaining what she was doing as she went. When her body was clean I thanked Olivia and told her to head back to her room, Seth was probably worried about her and she looked exhausted, she needed to sleep.

I washed Nessie's hair. I took my time, adding warm water to the tub once when it started to cool down. I picked every leaf, every twig and clump of dirt out. She just lay against me and moved when I quietly asked her to, sighing every now and then, allowing me to take care of her. There were no more tears. The shaking had stopped.

I rinsed us both off and grabbed two towels from the towel rack beside the tub. I stood us up and wrapped a towel around her and one around me before picking her up and sitting with her on the edge of the tub again. I grabbed the hairbrush that Olivia had laid out on the vanity and slowly brushed her long copper hair, working quickly to free it of all knots as it started to dry right away with our combined body temperatures. We stared into each other's eyes as I worked, only breaking our gaze when necessary, seeking a connection with each other, our souls having a silent conversation.

I carried her back to our room then and lay her down on the bed. She settled in and whimpered a little as I released her for the first time tonight to change quickly. She lay unmoving with her eyes on me the entire time, her expression seemingly blank, but her eyes... her eyes told a different story. Her eyes were naked, revealing every ounce of want and need to me in one short glance. And I needed her, just as badly. So I hurried, quickly tossing my wet clothes in a corner and throwing on pajama pants and a t-shirt. When I was done, I picked up her pajamas and walked over to the bed. She reached for them with her hands, but I pulled them back a bit. I wanted to take care of her tonight. She rarely let me, usually choosing to do most things herself if she could. I felt the need to do everything I could. I almost failed her earlier, in the worst way possible...

"Can I...?" I asked and held them up for her to see. She nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for me to start. I carefully rolled her on her back and slipped off her towel. I left her bra and underwear on and slipped a long sleeved shirt over her head, gently picking her up when I needed to slide it on, and then laying her back down. I slid her capri pants on next, one leg at a time. I was glad to be covering up the bruises. I couldn't look at them anymore. It made me angry to see the way he marked her body, and I didn't think she'd want to look at them either.

When I was done I gently pulled the covers back and slid in next to her. The second I hit the mattress she was curled into my side, face pressing into my neck, arms wrapped tightly around my torso, leg draped over one of mine. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, stroking her hair and her back as she cried again, silently, tears dripping down her face and my neck. I held her and kissed her hair, thinking about how much I loved her and needed her. She was the light to everything that was dark in my world. Her beauty astounded me. She laughed with me, cried with me, supported me when I needed it most... we did everything together. I held her close and knew that I needed to do everything possible to make her mine and mine alone for the rest of eternity. She was my best friend, my lover and without a shadow of a doubt the love of my life. Without her, there was nothing. No one else could have her; no one needed her like I did. I wanted to consume her, swallow her whole and keep her safe, with me, day and night. I never wanted another moment of time without her in it.

As the fireworks rang out at midnight over the night sky, they painted the room in hues of red, yellow, green and blue. I thought back to earlier this evening. I had such elaborate plans for us. I spent hours making sure everything was arranged and that anything and everything that should have been taken care of had been. It all seemed a bit ridiculous now. What did any of that stuff matter? All that mattered was that I was with her.

"Jake?" she whispered softly.

I pulled back to look at her red and slightly puffy, now dry eyes. She was staring at me with slight confusion and sadness.

"You're crying." She stated simply.

I was? I lifted the hand that was in her hair and wiped at my cheek, surprised to feel the dampness that it met with there. I was not a crier. The only other times I remember crying were when my mother and father passed away, and the last time she was hurt - that horrible day that I buried my father and she was attacked. She almost died that night. But tonight, was different, horrifying and frustrating in a way that it hadn't been before... it was more than I could take. It hurt so badly knowing that I was _right there, _and hadn't been able to protect her, to stop it from going as far as it had.

She wiped the tears away from my face with a gentle hand and then kissed my cheek softly.

"I'm sorry." She said, her voice small and tone empty. What the hell was she feeling like she needed to apologize for? I felt the irritation build. She was feeling guilty again. I was sure of it. Why couldn't she just accept the fact that she didn't need to feel badly about this? It wasn't her fault that some psycho had chosen to stalk her and she just couldn't seem to get her head around the fact that there was nothing she was doing _wrong_ here. All of the wrong was being done _to_ her. I shook my head and squeezed her tightly to me.

"Nessie, what on earth are you apologizing for?" I asked barely concealing the irritation in my voice.

"Sorry for worrying you _again_. I want this to stop. I want you to be happy with me. I don't want you to have to run, and hide. I don't want to keep putting you in danger for this... _this disgusting... UGH_! " her voice was rising exponentially as she spoke. She stiffened against me and then in a flash she was standing up next to the bed, face pulled up in a snarl, eyes narrowed with anger.

I smiled inwardly. _ She's getting mad. Good. She _should _be mad! This was good for her. She shouldn't feel guilty about anything. She should be _murderously_ mad at the sick bastard doing this to her. _

I sat up and faced her as she began to pace, muttering under her breath about ruined opportunities, wanting simple things, hurting everyone she loved... she was all over the map. Her posture was switching back and forth rapidly between tense and angry to sad and defeated. I could read the emotions flashing across her face and through her eyes. My excitement about her anger was slowly being replaced with concern. She had been very, very good at keeping her emotions under control lately. She had her moments, but who didn't?

I was worried about this though. It was like everything that she had been working so hard to keep at bay was suddenly brought right back up to the forefront, and threatening to crash right through her. Earlier, she had seemed fragile and broken. Now, it seemed as though she was a dam, under pressure, getting ready to break.

And then break, she did.

"What the HELL is it Jake?" She spat arms fisted at her sides as she paced at an inhuman pace back and forth across the room. "Why me? What does he want from me? There were six, SIX others like me out there tonight! I had no idea there were so many! But if there are more males, there have to be more females too... so what the HELL does he want with me?" Her voice was beginning to shake, her jaw tighten. I had never seen her so mad before. I didn't want her to get any more wound up. It couldn't be good for her after all she had already been through tonight.

I rose up from my position on the bed slowly, and then stood up on the opposite side from her. I needed to get her to calm down. I held an arm out in her direction, palm up, inviting her to take my hand.

"Ness, I know you're upset. Let's talk about this, okay?" She narrowed her eyes at me when I said the word talk, like she had already had enough of it and it was the last thing she wanted to do. I could understand that. So, okay, we would just sit and she could relax and sleep a little, like she needed to.

"Just... okay, no talking. Just calm down a bit baby and come and sit with me." I said quietly.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? How the FUCK am I supposed to calm down when I'm being hunted for sport like a damn _animal_ Jake?"

My eyes widened into saucers and I recoiled from her words like I had been slapped in the face. She yelled at me. She has never yelled at me before. And she swore. I knew that was a first. She was pissed as hell, and it was getting worse by the second, and I had no idea what to do to help her calm down. She didn't give me a chance to figure it out before she was shouting again.

"Do you KNOW what he said to me out there Jake? Do you KNOW that the... the... whoever is doing this wants me to help him build a strong FAMILY? It's sick, and disgusting and I don't WANT to be a part of whatever he has planned! I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS! DOESN'T ANY ONE GIVE A _SHIT_ ABOUT WHAT I WANT?" she screamed and then reached out to grab the vase on the table next the bed.

I flew over the bed and grabbed it from her just before she hurled it across the room. She tried to snatch it back from me, pulling and tugging so hard that the vase shattered in our hands. I put my hands on her shoulders and steered her away from the breakables, into the middle of the floor. She was struggling against me, trying to break free of my grip. I wrapped my arms around her so that hers were curled up against my chest, just tightly enough to keep her from getting away, but not tight enough to hurt her, as she continued to rant. I noticed the door swing open to reveal a concerned looking Seth and Leah. I shook my head at them briefly and warned them with my eyes to stay away. She was having a breakdown and would most likely be embarrassed about it in the morning. It would be worse if she had more witnesses. Seth nodded, still looking concerned and left, dragging an unwilling Leah behind him. I appreciated the fact that she wanted to help, but now was not the time.

"Let me _go_ Jake! I _want _to break something. I need to... to... just... I... I... I..." she locked her jaw shut and for the first time since she started shouting she looked my square in the eye. She was livid, they were burning with hate and fury. She was so mad at this point that she couldn't even find the words to express what she needed to say. So she did the next best thing.

Her reached her right hand up and placed it on the back of my neck, and the visions began.

Her and I in Alaska, in our little house chatting and studying together happily… and then it was flung away, literally tossed to the side like garbage to the curb. It was replaced by several visions of her and I talking or hanging out in the various places we had hidden over the last couple of months. They were good, but the first was the happiest.

The next vision was one of her and her family, sitting around having one of their crazy all night board game tournaments in Forks. Everyone was happy and together. This one literally seemed to go up in smoke, as it was replaced by a vision of a world map with tiny red dots where her family should be scattered looking for ways to help her.

She continued this way, showing me more and more pictures of the life she had that was now gone, and with each one she grew sadder and the sense of longing in them got worse.

Then she moved on to visions that I found to be a bit more confusing. They were fuzzy, almost dreamlike. There was one of her, sitting around at the holidays showing her family pictures of her friends and telling them about Alaska.

There was another one of her, bringing me home for Christmas, like any other couple, spending Christmas with their families.

The next one was hard, for both of us. It was a vision of my old house, also at Christmas, and we were there, visiting with my dad. We were happy, just sitting around eating Billy's famous spaghetti and spending time together. I winced as this one literally went up in flames.

I realized that these were visions of her hopes and some of her dreams. Some of which she would never get to have. My heart sunk as I realized that most of the visions she had shown me up until this point involved _me_, and that she was also really upset about what this whole thing was doing to me, what it was taking from me. Before I could voice my opinion and tell her, for the _millionth_ time, how none of that mattered to me, she showed me a few visions that left me speechless and took my breath away.

The first was slow, taking it's time to form, like she was feeling hesitant about letting me see it. There were familiar colours - her pale skin and my dark skin together. I saw them form our hands, grasping together and then, the number seven flashed up quickly between them. I blinked and looked down at her, confused as this vision drifted away in a cloud of grey, like uncertainty, but didn't have time to question her about it before the next one showed itself.

This was a vision of her and a man in dark clothes, in some kind of dark cement room, like the one in her nightmares. Her back was to him and he held her by a chain, tied around her wrist the other end in his hands.

As quickly as this vision came, it left and was replaced by another. It was Seth and Olivia dancing together earlier tonight, his arms around her, hands on her belly... but as I looked closer I noticed that it wasn't them at all. It was _us_, her and I dancing together in the same position, _my _hands on _her_ belly, smiling and happy and swaying to the music. I felt my breath leave me in a huff as I realized she just showed me a vision of a hope that maybe one day she and I could start a family... that one day _I_ would be beaming at her with pride and love at the thought of her carrying _my_ child. I shook my head in amazement. Did this mean that the one before, with our hands clasped was something about... marriage? There was the number seven... _seven steps._

And then the vision disappeared, interrupting my thoughts once again. This time she was pulled away from me, much the same way as she had been yanked off of the bike tonight. I growled and snarled under my breath as the next one showed a vision of her and the same mysterious man in dark clothes, him clawing at her belly, obviously carrying something of _his_.

The last of her vision was of her and I together, bodies intertwined, skin free of clothing, connected, beautiful... making love. It was replaced by one of what had happened tonight, her being held down, forced and vile in its very essence.

I felt her pull her hand away as she tucked her head into my shoulder.

"I don't want any of the one's that didn't involve you Jake," she whispered, "and I want _all_ of the ones that do. But I can't have all of those anymore either." She said sadly, reminding me of the vision with my dad and a few of the ones with her family. "How much is he going to take from me? From us? He wants my everything... but I can't give it to him if it's yours."

"Mine?" I asked, pulling her away from me and looking her in the eye. I knew exactly what she was implying. It was nothing short of _everything_ I wanted. To love her, marry her, have a family with her... but I had no idea if she was ready for that. What was she trying to say?

Once again, I found myself scrambling to keep up with her, just like I had that night in Alaska when she confessed what she wanted from me, for us.

She didn't elaborate, just stared in my eyes, as I looked into hers, searching their depths for the answers to my questions.

"Ness, I love you... more than you could probably ever know. When you were taken away from me tonight... and I thought I had lost you," I stopped, taking in a deep breath trying to find the words to say what I was feeling. For once I was envious of her gift. Being able to just _show_ her how much I loved her, how much I wanted her and needed her, would be so much easier than trying to find the words to say it right.

"I..." for once I was really struggling. She looked up at me, obviously confused at my loss for words. I couldn't really blame her. I'd never been this tongue tied in my entire life. But I had to try.

"I could barely function." I whispered softly. "I can't, really, without you. You're in every step I take, every dream I have, every breath I breathe. Every single beat of my heart is for you, and when you're not there, I just don't feel... right. I'm nothing without you, no one..." I paused shaking my head staring into her beautiful large brown eyes. "I was born to love you... to be with you Nessie."

I ran out of words and shook my head again, leaning my forehead against hers. I wanted to show her, needed her to see...

"I want," I whispered and then stopped. What I wanted was really not important tonight. She should be resting, and taking care of herself.

"What do you want Jacob?" she asked quietly.

"I want to kiss you." I mumbled the conflict of my thoughts and feelings easy to hear in my voice, feeling badly about the fact that it was the only way I could think of to show her, _really_ show her how I felt.

"Then kiss me." she said breathlessly, staring into my eyes.

I shook my head. "I shouldn't. Not now... not tonight after-"

She put a finger on my lips to silence me. I stared back at her, conflicted, not sure what to do.

"Please," she said quietly, earnestly, "please Jacob. I want you to..." and then she tipped up onto her toes and brushed her lips lightly against mine.

I groaned under my breath and gave in, knowing that there was no way I could refuse her pleas. I lifted my head, nudging her nose softly with mine and then pressed ghosted my lips over hers. I ran my hands down to the small of her back and hugged her to me as I kissed her lips slowly, chastely, reverently. I captured her bottom lip between mine and pulled it gently into my mouth, tasting her, needing her.

She parted her lips and ran her tongue along my top one, causing me to shiver from head to toe. I followed her lead and ran my tongue slowly over hers, a meeting of warmth and slippery wetness, and her beautiful taste. I ran one of my hands up to her hair and moved my lips to her jaw, kissing lightly, pulling her skin in my mouth gently all the way to her ear.

"I'll love you forever Renesmee. With my heart, body, mind and soul. Every day, always... I'll be yours." I whispered and then kissed her on the lips again, not gently, but passionately this time, pouring my heart and soul and all the words I didn't know to say into it. She responded, kissing me back, just as passionately.

She pulled away first, leaving me breathless, and stared into my eyes.

"Jake," she said, her eyes full of love and longing, "make me yours."

My oh my what will Jake do now?

Hit next to find out….

~H


	37. Yours & Mine

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Jake's choice in this chapter.**

**Chapter 37 – Yours & Mine**

**Chapter Songs: **

**Colorblind ~ Counting Crows**

**You and I Tonight ~ Faber Drive **

**Teardrop ~ Massive Attack **

**RPOV**

I waited on baited breath as I looked into Jake's eyes. My heart was beating loudly in my ears, my breath shallow and quick. His eyes were asking so many silent questions, conflicted, unsure. I stared back at him and poured all of my love for him into my gaze. I hoped he was finding his answers. I needed him to understand. This wasn't about me being attacked tonight, or the fact that I felt like certain parts of my future were being ripped away from me… this was about _us._

These past couple of months had proven to me that I was sure of who I was and I knew what I wanted. Being forced to give up everything you have and to separate from almost everyone you love gives you a chance to evaluate what is really important to you. And the one thing I knew for sure, was that each time I was confronted with evil or danger, my main concern had been Jake – being taken away from Jake, forced to do things with others that I'd dreamt of doing with him… _losing_ Jake. It would kill me.

I knew… with all my heart and soul, that I _needed_ to be his. He was etched on my heart - I was branded; he was a permanent fixture in my soul, and always had been. And I wanted… _so badly it hurt_, to be that for him.

I didn't care about my age, his age, my perceived lack of experience, my families' opinion, the pack's opinion, the timing – any of it. What we had couldn't be defined by that. I tried my best to show him this with my visions, and hoped he could see it in my eyes.

He sighed and clenched his jaw, obviously conflicted. I knew I was probably doing this at the wrong time. I knew that he was afraid of hurting me, or scaring me… but he never, ever could. Jacob would sooner hurt himself than hurt me.

I reached out and ran my fingertips over his jaw, hoping to help him relax, imploring him with my eyes to understand that I needed him… all of him.

His eyes slowly closed as he leaned into my fingers. He took a long, deep breath and then slowly, eyes still closed … he started to walk away.

My heart sank straight into my stomach, feeling full of leaden _rejection. _My hands fell limply at my sides and my head fell forward, eyes closed holding back tears, as he brushed past me and walked across the room, behind me. I heard him quietly fiddle with the zipper on a backpack and figured he was going to grab his things, start his nightly routine and then head to bed.

I felt my heart squeeze sharply, pierced with stabbing pain, and hoped that he would at least be out of the room before the first tears fell. I bared my soul to him, offered myself to him completely… and he walked away from me. The pain I felt from that one single gesture was worse than any I'd had from violence inflicted on my body.

I heard him straighten up and was surprised to feel him making his way back to where I was standing instead of towards the washroom. I remained motionless, until I felt his heat and his presence right behind me. I sighed, feeling conflicted about the relief I felt for the return of his warmth, and the rejection that still burned and crushed my heart.

I felt his hands reach up and rest on my shoulders. My breathing hitched and I melted back into him as he ran his hands slowly down my arms to capture my wrists lightly, rubbing them gently with his thumbs. Even through the sleeves my skin heated under his touch, tingling and dancing… teeming with love, desire and – hope. I prayed silently, fervently, that he had changed his mind.

"Ness," he breathed in my ear, his voice soft and loving. My heart jumped in my chest and took off at a gallop, hearing the change in his tone. My throat was dry and constricted with hope, fear of rejection and everything else in between at this point. I waited for him to continue… only breathing, eyes closed, back against him, arms at my sides, and wrists in his hands.

Instead, he rested his chin on my shoulder, and slid his large, strong hands down over my small ones, fiddling with my fingers lightly, almost like playing keys on a piano, until I felt something slide over the third finger of my left hand.

"Marry me," he breathed.

And the world stopped.

My eyes flew open and I spun around to look at him, speechless, breathless and amazed.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly to him for a brief moment before, to my complete and utter shock, he knelt down on one knee and held my left hand tightly in both of his. My eyes briefly registered the sparkling object resting on my finger, but was immediately distracted by the eyes of the beautiful man kneeling before me. He looked up at me, his dark eyes shining brightly with love and devotion, as he whispered to me softly.

"You asked me to make you mine." The emotion in his face and eyes was severe in its intensity as he continued. I looked into his dark eyes and fell headlong into their depths as he continued.

"Nessie..." he breathed pausing to swallow thickly, "I love you. I want you to be mine for the rest of eternity, and I want you to make me yours. We don't have to do it today, or tomorrow, next week or even next year. I just want to promise to be yours, and I need you to be mine." his voice as soft as a whisper to the wind.

"Marry me."

I felt almost dizzy with love, shock and wonder at the turn of events. I searched, trying to find my voice as he waited, barely breathing, gazing at me with pure adoration and anticipation in his eyes, for my response.

"Yes," I squeaked, my voice barely a whisper as it flowed through my lips. I pressed my right hand to my mouth and shook my head as my eyes welled up with tears of happiness and joy.

"Yes, Jacob. A thousand times yes. A million times... yes." I whispered as a smile bright enough to light up the night sky spread across his face.

He was on his feet in a flash, pulling me to him before picking me up and spinning me around, feet off the floor. He set me down gently after a full spin and kept his arms around me, looking deep into my eyes.

"I love you," he said, smiling as he squeezed me too tightly to him. "It's just you and me baby, forever. I want to give you everything. I'm yours, you're mine. Nothing else matters."

I smiled at him lovingly and nodded as for the first time in my life everything in my world fell into place, and I knew who I was – and who I was meant to be.

He leaned in and brushed his lips tenderly against mine. I responded, doing the same as I wound my arms around his back.

"You're everything," he mumbled against my lips. "Beauty, light, my best friend… my life."

I was beyond words at this point, simply soaking up his love and adoration like a sponge. I raised a hand to the back of his neck and showed him what my heart needed to say. It was a vision of our hands clasped together, fingers laced and intertwined, wound up in steel cables, welded together forever and pulsing with our intense magnetic pull. It was surrounded by ribbons of yellow and gold, colours I associate with intense happiness and joy.

His hands found my face, cupping my cheeks as he pulled me gently forward to kiss my lips again. I felt the heat stir in my entire being as he captured my top lip between both of his and slowly let it fall from them. He repeated the same action with my lower lip, as I pulled his top one between mine, sliding and then releasing from each other at a snail's pace.

I tightened my arms around him, pressing him to me, and felt the scorching heat of his body radiate through my skin, to warm my blood and bones, my heart and my entire soul.

Something stirred inside me then, sliding and locking into place in the very core of my being, and I knew that I would be forever tied to him; happily, lovingly, heatedly bound to wanting, loving and needing him for the rest of eternity.

I felt one of his arms glide under my shoulders as the other slid down my back, behind my knees, to pick me up. I wound my arms around his neck and let my forehead fall to his as he carried me, opening my eyes to stare into his as he bent down to lay me gently on the bed. They were pitch black, and so deep I literally felt captured by them. In them I saw everything - love, hope, strength, devotion… my future.

As I gazed at him, and my body settled, I felt his large, muscular form lowering gently towards mine. I felt the need to be with him so strongly, that as we met inch by inch, it felt like a slow but powerful collision of forces. Lightning, thunder, earth quakes... forces of nature had nothing on this feeling. Gravity was pulling us together, never to be separated, only to become one.

I lifted my head slightly to kiss his full lips softly, before sliding one hand down his back and using the other to trace his square jaw lightly, marvelling at the contrast of our skin; his beautiful copper tan to my soft, almost white complexion. He leaned into my touch as he rested half of his weight on me and half on the mattress beside me. I felt his heart beating loudly and strongly next to mine, fluttering quickly.

He slid one arm under me and up to my hair, winding his fingers into it at the bottom of my neck. The fingertips of his other hand, hot and scalding like branding irons, ran lightly from my shoulder...

... to my collar bone...

... over my breast... _mmmmmmm_

... my ribs...

... my hip...

... and down to my thigh, his eyes following its path.

Fire sizzled and danced over my skin, awakening every pore, igniting every cell he touched.

He leaned in, eyes hungry, and kissed my neck with an open mouth, sucking lightly as he gently pulled my leg up at the knee to rest it against his hip. I ran one hand up to his short dark hair, lacing my fingers into it as I exhaled a shaky breath.

"Jacob, I love you." I breathed into his hair.

He looked up and into my eyes, his long lashes framing his dark ones, and spoke seriously.

"We can stop at any time. Just say the word and I will." He whispered, capturing my hand that now wore his ring and kissing my palm reverently before placing it lightly on his cheek, waiting for my reply.

I smiled and assured him with my thoughts, that I was ready, that I wanted him, needed him, trusted him - loved him.

And then we closed our eyes and met in a kiss. His full lips were tender but serious against mine. He parted them and ran his tongue over my top one. I whimpered and pulled him to me roughly, my need for him taking over completely. I opened my mouth to him and kissed him back, deeply, my tongue sliding against his, caressing it with long strokes. The heat beneath my skin smouldered and grew steadily as we kissed, then it spread everywhere, like wildfire in the brush, as our tongues danced and slid together. I was heated with desire, burning deliciously from head to toe.

I snaked my hands under his shirt and ran my fingertips up and down the bare skin of his back. I felt the long, hard planes of him, tracing his broad, strong shoulders, his spine, the curve of his lower back, memorizing the feel of every bone and muscle under my fingertips as we kissed.

The hand on my hip moved up and under the hem of my shirt, sliding and searing my skin slowly over my ribs and up to cup my breast in his hand. We both moaned lightly at the contact, breaking from our kiss.

We planted kisses with molten lips on each other's cheeks... jaws... foreheads... and necks as our hands roamed like slow building flames, licking and dancing heatedly and languidly over each other's bodies.

I loved the heat. I bathed in it, letting it wash over me... letting it burn away any memory of anyone else's touch on my body. I let it wash over my skin and settle into my bones, branding myself with his heat and love.

He brought his face to mine and kissed me once lightly on the nose and then nudged it softly with his own before rising to stand beside the bed. I whimpered lightly at the loss of the heat and contact as he pulled away. Without taking his eyes off of mine he removed his shirt, revealing the perfection of his physique, his toned and muscular chest, the hard planes of his abs. His eyes smouldered and reflected the love and passion between us. My breath caught in my throat, admiring the beauty and perfection of him, my love, _my_ life... Jacob.

_Mine._

He slipped his thumbs under the waist of his pants and lowered them over his hips, letting them fall to the floor, leaving him only in a pair of black boxers, before he reached down to place his hands on my waist and kiss me lightly on the lips. I sighed and felt myself begin to melt into a pool of desire immediately at the return of the heat.

His lips left mine and I felt him slip his fingers under the hem of my shirt, gently sliding them over my body, tickling and heating me up as they slid over my ribs, my breasts, and my collar bones, before pulling it up and over my head. I felt my long hair fan out around me over the pillow.

His gaze turned serious and tender as he crawled onto the bed and straddled my waist before slowly lifting my arms, one by one and kissing the small bruises on my wrists. He wore an expression of compassion that told me he wished he could take them all away. My heart swelled and almost brimmed over with love for this strong and gentle man, who I knew would do anything for me.

When he lowered my hands back to the mattress I reached behind me, undid my bra and slid it off as he hooked his fingers into my pants and panties and lowered them off of my body. He repeated the action of kissing my bruises for the small ones on my calves, before his jaw set and he moved his lips up to a tiny red mark on my left hip that I hadn't even noticed until then.

I was in awe of his reverent touch, needing it more than I could describe. I lifted my hand and brought my palm to his face, showing him how the warmth of his kisses branded away the memory of how those marks got there.

He leaned into my palm before pulling it away from his face and kissing the bruise on my wrist again, this time letting his lips linger, his eyes on mine, filled with so much love and devotion that was left breathless.

He shifted and lowered himself to the bed again, beside me, brushing the back of his hand from my forehead down the side of my face lovingly.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" he whispered, a pained look crossing over his face as he considered it.

I shook my head no before reaching for him again, palm to his neck, the other in his hair, showing him just how wonderful I felt at that moment and then pulled him to me.

His eyes softened and he smiled lightly before leaning in to meet my approach and kissing my jaw.

As our skin made contact I shivered with anticipation. My bare chest grazed his and my breath began to speed. The inferno grew, making every inch of my body feel feverish, from the inside out. His lips kissed and consumed my neck. One of his hands supported his weight and his other ghosted over my body to my breast, squeezing it gently and then rolling his thumb over my hardening nipple. I sighed with pleasure and rocked my hips involuntarily into him, my hands roaming over his body greedily.

"Ness," he sighed and shifted so that he was hovering over me. He cupped my face in one of his large hands, rubbing my cheek with the pad of his thumb and kissed me sweetly. He lifted himself off of me to sit back on his heels, his eyes wandering slowly over my naked form.

I heated under his gaze, but not with embarrassment, with desire. He wore the most loving expression on his face, but underneath, even though he tried to hide it, he couldn't completely mask the carnal look of desire behind his heated stare. I thought, though I may have imagined it, that I heard the tiniest of growls resonate in his chest when his eyes landed on the hand that now wore a physical representation of the fact that I belonged to _him_.

He picked up my left foot and leaned down to bring his lips to it, softly kissing it with an open mouth. He moved up to my ankle, kissing, sucking gently, and then to my calf. His other hand trailed the same path as his mouth over my other leg, sweeping gently across my skin with his fingertips, leaving a fiery, white hot trail of boiling blood in its wake.

I squirmed a bit, and shifted my hips, as he reached my inner thigh. His warm, full lips worked their way up, kissing, nipping, and sucking at my heated flesh at an agonizingly slow pace. The pointer finger of his other hand trailed over the opposite thigh, working its way up the same path, but quickly, before skimming across my centre lightly. I whimpered and squirmed again as his lips neared the apex of my thighs and his finger began to run lightly up and down my heated core.

When he reached the top of my thigh I heard him draw in a breath and felt him exhale raggedly against me. I shivered under the heat of his breath, tickling my most sensitive of areas.

I felt my eyes widen and my belly stir with pleasure, hands suddenly gripping the sheets, as he ran his tongue lightly from the bottom all the way up to the top of my entrance. His tongue was like lava, slowly and deliciously scorching and coating my lips. I moaned and arched my back in pleasure as I felt the delicious heat burning my core and seeping into my belly. There was no imagining or mistaking the light growl that escaped his lips this time. I rocked my hips lightly as his tongue swept over me and he applied more pressure. Without warning he began circling and gently sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves at the top while his large finger slid down to my wet opening and then slowly slipped inside.

I yelped a small gasp as this new combination of sensations sent my senses into overdrive in no time. I felt my body tense, and the heat in my belly pool and grow. I rocked my hips into him and breathed out my moans and exclamations of pleasure.

"Ahhhhhh... ohhhhhhhhh... hmmmmmmmm..."

He hummed and slowly added a second finger moving slowly in and out of me.

"Oh! Oh _God,_ Jake!"

Within seconds he had me whimpering out his name, as my body tensed and clamped down around him, the fire in my belly erupting and exploding, my own lava-like nectar flowing freely from my core as Jake sipped and drank from my body.

_Oh dear sweet God in heaven... that was... __**mmmmmmm.**_

"Ohhhh God, Jake," I half-mumbled, half-moaned as I struggled to collect myself. My body was burning, singing and humming from head to toe. I felt myself liquefying, slowly melting into a hot puddle in his hands.

I may have been mistaken, but I could have sworn I felt him smile against me as he slipped his fingers out and kissed me right above my core. He rained kisses down on my belly button, my stomach, my ribs, the valley between my breasts and the column of my throat as he slowly made his way back up to rest lightly on top of me.

"You taste like peaches, and honey and just... _fucking heaven_," he whispered into my neck as he kissed it and then sucked on it, pulling my skin into his mouth, his tongue tasting me yet again.

I felt his hard length brush up against my thigh, still contained in his boxers. As his hands roamed over my body, caressing lovingly, but hungrily now, I reached down and hooked my fingers into his waistband, pulling them down as far as I could with my hands before reaching up with a foot to slide them the rest of the way down and off of him.

He sucked my nipple into his mouth and ran his tongue over and around it, causing me to shudder lightly.

He trailed his kisses up my neck, over my jaw and my chin until his mouth met mine. I moaned lightly into his mouth as I tasted a trace of myself on his tongue. We shared another tender kiss as his hand left my breast and reached into the nightstand to grab a small foil packet. I quirked an eyebrow at him and he smirked back at me quickly, before his face returned to the serious and loving expression it wore before.

"I told you before… I'm not taking any chances with you," he said softly.

I nodded and kissed his forehead as he opened the packet and slid the condom on over his length. He let the wrapper fall to the floor as he shifted up on his elbows and settled himself between my legs, his hot, hard length just below my entrance. My body was humming, not frenzied with lust, but awake and alive with warmth, love and desire.

Our eyes locked together as he slowly lowered his lips until they met mine and shifted his hips to bring the tip of his length up to and in contact with my entrance.

"Ness," he said, pulling back a bit. I saw the love, the want, the need I felt for him reflected back to me in his gaze. "I'm going to go slow - but I want you to know that it might… _hurt_ a bit." His face contorted a bit with an apology as he muttered the word hurt, but he had nothing to feel sorry about.

I nodded in understanding, knowing that it was common for girls to experience some pain their first time, and trusting that he would take things as slowly as I needed them to be.

"I love you," he whispered, and then gently pushed a bit inside of me, gazing into my eyes. His arms snaked around me and under my back to leave his hands resting on my shoulders, his weight on his elbows.

My head fell back to the pillow and my eyes fluttered closed momentarily at the sensation of Jake's weight on me, his body entering mine. He kissed and claimed my neck as heat flashed up from my core, through my body and radiated out to my trembling limbs.

I felt him gently rock his hips and slide in just a bit more.

"Mmmmmmph," I moaned lightly, as he hissed and then panted out a deep breath.

I felt his heat entering me, filling me, stretching me, and I surrounded it with mine. My inner muscles firmly wrapped around him, already quivering lightly. My skin and muscles are somewhat flexible, but decidedly less pliable than the average humans. I would stretch, to accommodate him, but not much. Jake, in general, was a large man, and this part of him was no exception. It didn't take a genius to figure out that it was going to be a snug fit... to put it mildly.

His forehead fell to mine and his eyes closed, before he kissed me softly. His arms shook lightly and his jaw tensed with the effort it took to go so slowly for me.

I took a deep breath around his soft, full lips and focused on our heat, our pull, the love we had for each other and willed my body to calm down, to make the quivering stop. I opened my legs further to him and felt my inner muscles relax and surround him a bit more comfortably just before he kissed me gently, rocked his hips forward again and pushed in farther yet.

I tensed, as I felt him hit a wall, my barrier. He was right _there_. I could tell by the way my body had taken time to adjust to his size up to this point that the next bit would most definitely hurt.

He picked up on my tension and began kissing lightly over my neck... down my jaw... and finally behind my ear before whispering softly to me once again.

"We can stop, any time," he panted out, the conflict and strain evident in his voice. "If it's too much... I... just tell me to stop, and I will."

I nudged his face up with mine to look in his dark eyes, filled with so much love and concern for me. I shook my head and palmed his cheek, sending him a vision of him and I together, like this, bodies entwined, floating in a field of red – my colour for desire.

I wanted this… _needed_ this with him. I didn't want to stop.

He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips again. It was the same kind of kiss we shared right after his proposal, slowly capturing, dragging and sliding our lips from each other. As we kissed he pulled back slightly with his hips, and rocked forward again sliding in the farthest he had yet.

My eyes closed tightly. I felt my hips lift off the bed slightly. I gasped and tensed again, unable to prevent the whimper that escaped my lips from the pain as I felt my barrier tear around him – a quick, hot, sharp pain, deep within my core.

I heard him suck in a deep breath as his body froze completely. He leaned forward, bringing his lips down to mine, claiming them softly in a kiss. Before long he was mumbling against my lips as a shaking hand ghosted over every part of my body it could reach with a feather light touch. He was calming me, worshiping me... loving me.

"Ness..." he mumbled breathlessly against my ear, "it's ok, baby, breathe." His voice shook as he spoke, and I struggled to regain composure. "I'll wait. Take your time. Just breathe baby, I love you."

And then he kissed my cheek softly before resting his forehead on mine once again. His words provided a beautiful distraction, and his eyes spoke volumes of his love and devotion as he looked into mine.

The pain subsided quickly to be replaced by a dull ache and foreign but pleasant feeling of fullness and heat with him inside my body. I relaxed and sighed lightly. I rocked my hips, just the tiniest bit, to let him know that it was ok, that I wanted him to move. With that he kissed his way back down over the other side of my jaw to my neck as he rolled his hips one final time to slide the rest of the way in.

_Oh my God._

I moaned softly, fingertips grabbing into his back a bit as I was momentarily overwhelmed by the undeniable pleasure and absolute completeness I felt at being filled and loved by him this way. I was so _full_. Full with love, full with passion, full with desire – but most of all, full with Jake. Completely and utterly claimed by Jake. And I loved it.

At the moment he filled me Jake exclaimed softly, "God, Nessie," and dropped his head to the pillow kissing my shoulder. His sweet-hot kisses, his hands gripping my shoulders, his body bending and curving over mine to fit me perfectly as I wrapped around him let me know that he was being claimed by me too. He belonged to me in that moment, just as I belonged to him – completely.

The moment I felt him rock his hips gently into mine I felt my desire for him begin to build. He kissed me lightly over my shoulder and collar bone, hot, wet promises of his love for me. He rolled and shifted gently and rhythmically in a way that made my eyes roll back in my head, my back begin to arch and my body flush with waves of heat. I wanted _more,_ needed to feel him moving... the heat... the friction. I craved the sensation of being completely and utterly consumed - of being claimed _body, heart_ and _soul_.

"Jake," I whispered, "please... more."

I lifted my legs to wrap them around his thighs and pull him to me.

He moaned softly, gently sucking on my neck and instantly responded to my request.

I kissed his neck repeatedly, pulling the skin into my mouth a bit with every pass of my lips as he moaned again and rocked into me a bit harder, before pulling out only an inch or two and then sliding back in to the hilt, burying himself in me as far as he could go. I felt the skin and muscles of my core, hot, wet and slippery, stretch and slide around him, with every motion of his hard, molten hot, arousal within me. He set a slow and steady pace that had my body working up into a frenzy of activity.

_In – full, stretched, wrapped around him. Heat radiated out through my belly, my chest, and flooded my limbs, clouded my mind... __**oh God**__..._

_Out – shudder, empty... __**more**__._

_In – full, stretched, wrapped around him. Heat radiated out through my belly, my chest, and flooded my limbs, clouded my mind... __**oh God**__..._

_Out – shudder, empty... __**more**__._

_Over and over and over..._

We moaned quietly and repeatedly, no words, just vowels cried out softly, sung like prayers in the night as our bodies danced together – our hearts and minds becoming one, our bodies and souls uniting, transcending any other earthly experience, and becoming a divine worship of each other in the most intimate way possible.

My blood raced through my veins, hot and rapid, rushing through my limbs and pooling in my belly. I felt my face flush as we kissed each other's mouths, necks, eyes, cheeks – anywhere, everywhere – while we rocked and rolled our hips in synchronization as I matched his movements with my own.

I slowly lowered my palms to his back and sent him visions of passion... ribbons of gold and fiery red swam and swirled together in a black, hot pool of desire, rolling and tumbling like our hips joining together, swirling and wrapping around each other – glowing – pulsing – vibrating with heat... just like us.

"Ahhhh," he breathed hotly into my neck, "God, I love you so much," he mumbled and panted in response.

We fit together perfectly, our bodies seemingly made for the purpose of giving the other pleasure and sharing their love. My breath was quick and shallow as I felt a rush of warmth make its way over my chest, and up my neck to wash over my face.

Jake kissed his way over my collar bone and down to my chest as he continued to thrust slowly in and out of me, one of his arms sliding out from under my back to reach around and grab my breast.

His eyes roamed over me, pulling me in to the depths of him, wandering back and forth over me, as if drinking in the sight of me beneath him.

"You're gorgeous, so perfect," he said softly as he leaned in to suck the nipple on the breast he was handling and continued his steady pace of thrusts.

I took my cue from him and took this opportunity to appreciate the beautiful male specimen above me, watching the hard muscles in his chest and abs ripple and undulate as he worked in and over my body.

_This loving, strong, gorgeous man_ _is mine._

The thought of claiming him, taking him as _my mate_, made something physical shift deep within me this time. I was suddenly overcome with desire, and felt my head fall back to the pillow, as I felt the heat in my entire body rise exponentially and the muscles in my belly coil inward.

"Jake," I gasped, my heated breath coming out in pants. He picked up on the change in me immediately and sped his pace slightly, pulling out a little further and thrusting in a little faster, _and harder_, each time.

"Ah!" I panted out, writhing beneath him.

I wrapped my arms under his and placed my hands on his shoulders, digging my fingers into his slightly dampened skin; my legs slid up to wrap and lock themselves at the ankles around his waist.

_Mine, _I thought as I locked him to me, _all mine._

He growled loudly and his mouth left my breast as his hand continued to knead and pull at my nipple sending tiny waves of pleasure from there, right to my core. He rocked in deeper in this slightly new position and hit places in my body that had me panting and writhing, whimpering and moaning, and pushing against his thrusts in earnest.

His lips brushed mine and I forced myself to open my eyes, looking straight into a sea of black, hot, love and desire in his. His face was drawn in love and concentration, jaw locking and unlocking intermittently, his forehead covered with a light sheen of sweat.

"Ness," he panted breathlessly as his hand left my breast and pulled one of mine down from his shoulder.

He laced our fingers together and squeezed them as he laid our hands down on the mattress near my head.

"So good, baby... you feel... _so... ungh... good." _he murmured.

I moaned and shuddered as he thrust in harder yet and quickened the pace, just slightly, once again.

I felt the muscles in my core quiver and quake all around him, sending pleasurable tremors of heat rippling through my body as we put every ounce of love we had for each other into this one act of completion.

I squeezed his hand tightly in mine.

"Jake," I mumbled, "I love you," hoping it came out coherently, knowing I was bordering on losing all control, feeling the heat pool in my belly, the muscles tighten, pull.

He brought his lips to mine. "Love," _kiss, thrust... _"you," _kiss, thrust... _"so," _kiss, thrust... _"so much baby."

The fire grew, each thrust like a fan to the flames... _growing, blazing... hotter, rushing..._

"Oh God, Jake..." I gasped out, as he moaned loudly and pushed harder, faster.

_OH. MY. GOD!_

"God, Nessie, I can feel... I..." he began to state and was abruptly cut off when the walls of my core suddenly collapsed, crashed and clenched around him tightly.

Flashes of light, like golden and deep red fireworks, were sent to him as I literally exploded around him in ecstasy. Instead of burning and fizzling out, they would swirl and build together as he kept thrusting, to burst again; the heat - flash burn over my entire body - never dying, only building and glowing.

"Jake!" I cried out and squeezed his hand tightly in mine. My legs locked him in a vice grip, my back bowed, and my head flew forward, teeth latching onto his shoulder, sinking into him, marking him, _claiming_ him, taking a bit of his blood into me... as my whole body from my head to my toes and right down to my very core grabbed hold of him and came as close to being physically _one_ with another being as possible.

I literally felt as though I erupted into flame, as the flash heat boiled in my blood and consumed me like fire, body quaking and clenching around his. My skin prickled and burned, my muscles and bones swirled and combusted in liquid pools of heat.

He moaned loudly in reaction to my release and after one more uneven and firm thrust his entire body tensed, his head fell to the pillow beside mine, arms shaking under his own weight, and he practically roared my name as he spilled his release inside me.

And I shook, exploded and tensed around him again, and again, and again.

_Would it ever stop? I hoped it never did._

The flash burn, quakes and tremors receded slowly as we both worked to catch our breath and looked into each other's eyes. His face softened as he lifted his head to look at me, both of us still panting, and then lowered his lips to mine. He kissed me reverently, tenderly, slowly until I was blissfully cool, calm and more relaxed than I think I had ever been in my entire short life.

I felt him pull away from my lips at the same time that he gently pulled out of my body. I sighed and whimpered quietly at the loss of the connection as he took the condom off and cleaned up quickly before lying down beside me and pulling me to his chest. My hand ran absently up and down the smooth planes of his chest as I snuggled in, nuzzling into his shoulder and breathing in his delicious scent.

"I love you, Jake." I whispered quietly as I felt myself begin to drift off. My body, mind and soul were sated and relaxed almost to the point of exhaustion.

He chuckled lightly and pulled me to him tightly, kissing my hair. "I know baby," he whispered softly, "I love you too."

My oh my what will Jake do now?

Hit next to find out….

~H


	38. Truths & Mistakes

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the truth's and mistakes brought to life in this chapter.**

**Chapter 38 – Truths and Mistakes**

**Chapter Song for part 3: Weight of the World ~ Evanescence**

**JPOV**

I stayed awake as she drifted off to sleep, with my arms around her small and soft body, my eyes worshiping her, my body and heart humming with love and... with... with... I didn't even know what the hell else it was, but it was _good_. No, it was better than good. It was everything.

I spent hours, just watching, touching and breathing _her_.

I felt her soft copper hair and twirled it in my fingers. I inhaled its scent as I toyed with it... peaches, honey and home.

I ran my hands lightly over the smooth, creamy curves of her shoulders and back, the sheet resting right below the small of it, just covering the curve of her butt and her long, beautiful legs.

Her skin literally reflected the moonlight softly shining through the window... not enough for human eyes to notice, but enough for mine to. It cast light blue rays over her body causing her pale skin to take on a blue tone, and then reflect it back, surrounding her in a halo of pale blue light. She literally seemed to be glowing; she was luminous - gorgeous.

Her hand stayed where she left it when she fell asleep, fingers splayed across my chest, right over my heart. Would she know how much she _owned _it's every beat? I didn't know if I could ever find the words to tell her or know how to show her... but I knew I would spend the rest of my life trying.

I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she would be the brightest and best person in my life... but never in a million years could I have imagined this kind of happiness. It never failed to shock me – just how much I _needed _her. Everyone talks about imprinting as though the one who is imprinted on is getting all the benefits... someone to love and care for them and their every need, unconditionally. But no one talks about what it's like to be on the other end. I could see why. Putting this kind of connection into words isn't easy, but I tried to sort it out in my mind anyway, to see if I could ever find the words to tell her... maybe on our wedding day.

I smirked to myself and then felt it float and stretch into a full on grin. _Our wedding day._ It felt so good to say it to myself, to think it. I probably had loads of time to figure things out. I was pretty sure she wouldn't want to get married right away. She'd probably want to finish school first. And I was fine with that. I'd finish too. We could graduate together and then plan the wedding after that. The 'when' didn't matter to me... just the fact that she agreed to be mine, and to have me as hers for the rest of forever. It was that promise that mattered to me, nothing else. A wedding was just a ceremony to make things official. But in my heart it was already as official as it could be. We belonged together.

I sighed and thought again about how to explain how much she meant to me. I struggled with my words last night, and realized how much I had been feeling, but was never really able to say. And I needed to say it - she deserved to hear it. But how would I find the words...

It was as though fate had done everything it could to make sure she was in my life. Even before she was born, when I should have been running in the opposite direction, away from Forks, away from the Cullens... away from _Bella_ – I couldn't. I tried and I just... couldn't. Something in me knew that I needed to stay, I needed to be there, and I thought it was because of Bella... but I didn't know that fate had other plans. I knew something was off, that it shouldn't have been that hard for me to just let her go if she didn't want to be with me... _but I couldn't._

And I should have killed Edward. My wolf instincts told me that I should have ripped the bloodsucker apart slowly, limb from limb and then burned him into a pile of ash for taking her from me, for _killing_ her... because I thought I loved her. But I_ couldn't_ do it. I had the opportunity, more than once, and _I just __**couldn't **__do it. _I told myself it was for Bella, that she loved and needed him, so I wouldn't take him away from her. As long as she was alive, he would live. But I wasn't being honest with myself. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I hated him for what he was doing to her... but there was just _something_ that kept me from killing him.

And then _she_ was born... and I knew why I couldn't stay away, and why I couldn't bring myself to kill him; _because I needed to be with her - and she was part of them_.

Fate handed me my destiny that day and I haven't looked back since.

As she grew up nothing was like it usually is with kids. She was her own person, from the minute she was born. She had already become so much like what she is today. Her personality seemed to have started developing before she was even born. And the more time we spent together, the more I wanted to be around her, to be her friend, hang out with her, take care of her. It wasn't just fun for her, I loved doing things with her too. The way she looked at things was always interesting to me, whether it was sandcastles, books, music... anything. She always piqued my interest.

It was like she had been designed just for me. She was everything I ever could have wanted in a little sister or a friend - and now a partner and a lover. We shared the same sense of humour and loved the same types of games, movies and even sports. She was intelligent and well spoken, but not pretentious, so we could talk about anything and everything. She was sweet and compassionate, looking at situations from everyone's perspective and considering everyone's views before making a decision - the perfect balance to my stubbornness and what my dad used to call my "go-getter" attitude because I always jumped in head first, doing what _I_ thought was best. She was loyal and fiercely protective... and she often told me I was the same. I couldn't help but be that with her... she was my everything.

Some people give imprinting a bad rep, saying it took away the choice about who we wanted to be with... but who wants a choice, when fate intervenes and hands you perfection on a silver platter? She was beautiful – really just amazing, her mind, her heart, her body – _God_ _, that body – _who wouldn't want her? And now... she was _mine_. I wouldn't trade her for anything. Did I feel like I had been deprived because I didn't have a 'choice'? _Hell no_. I was the luckiest bastard in the world... and I knew it.

The sun began to rise, and the light coming in from the window cast an orange hue over everything it touched. Her hair seemed to absorb the brightness of it and cast the light outwards again in a haze. Her skin still seemed to be glowing again, but now it was a warm glow, not like the cold blue one from the light of the moon. It reminded me of her visions from last night... her and I surrounded by fire and heat.

I shifted a bit as my body began to react to my thoughts. The way she felt, so warm and small and soft underneath me. The way she felt around my length... hot, wet and _God help me_, so tight. Her soft moans and whimpers stirred my soul, and the way she gasped my name as she came around me... it was heaven on earth. I wanted to hear it again, and again, and again. She responded to my every move, met with my every thrust, and loved me with all of her body, heart and soul just like I did with her.

I felt myself getting more and more aroused as I thought about it. I could lay here with her, in this bed, loving her until the end of time. I wanted to make love to her, with her, over and over again... even if we could be like that every day, it would never be enough. Maybe it was just because this was new to me, or because I'd waited so long for her, but I realized how much I wanted this with her... needed it even.

I felt her shift and nuzzle her face into my shoulder. I turned and planted a light kiss on her hair, which seemed even silkier and softer than it had ever been, as she stirred and sighed, waking up. I smirked at her lazy smile as she looked up at me.

"Good morning beautiful," I said and leaned down to kiss her soft lips lightly. She sighed and pulled me closer. I let our kiss deepen as I felt her mouth open to me and I slid my tongue out to meet hers, softly caressing it with my own. She shifted and I felt her thigh brush over my erection, causing that flash burn we had to ignite and rush from there to the rest of my body... and then she pulled back to quirk an eyebrow at me and smile.

"Sweet dreams?" she asked and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I laughed lightly and ran my hand down her back, over the curve of her butt to her thigh and pulled it up higher on my waist as I responded.

"They were great... but I definitely wouldn't call them _sweet,_" I told her and smirked back.

She smiled coyly and walked her fingers up my chest to my jaw before using her thumb to graze back and forth over my bottom lip.

"Oh really, Mr. Black... then what would you call them?" she asked before shifting up to grab my bottom lip between hers and sucking on it lightly, and shifted her thigh to brush across the tip of my length.

I groaned as I felt myself twitch and grow harder than granite and huffed out a bit of raspy response.

"Uh, maybe more like... hot," I replied with a small chuckle. _God, what she did to me..._ I felt like a seventeen year old kid – mumbling whatever came to mind, no brain filter to speak of, horny as hell and eager to please... if that's what she wanted.

She smiled and hummed a bit as she kissed her way over my chin and my jaw and then down my neck. I had no idea how she knew what to do... it was like she had turned into some kind of goddess overnight. All of her shyness and apprehension was gone, and was replaced by this flirtatious confidence. She was clearly coming on to me... and I was definitely not complaining. She's always been sexy but... _shit_..., if she kept this up, I was in big trouble.

"So, were you planning on telling me about them or..." she trailed off suggestively and then, _fucking hell_, started nibbling on my ear lobe as she traced patterns on my chest. Her fingers swirled and swivelled over my chest and then my abs, like fire dancing on the surface of my skin. I was more than happy to give her what she wanted, but I didn't know how she was feeling. I didn't want to hurt her if she was sore from the night before.

"Uuungh," I groaned quietly as she lowered her leg and brushed it right over my aching length, her hand slowly making its way down to the same destination. I had to say something before things got too heated... which they were, quickly.

"Baby, do you feel ok? I mean, are you... _sore_ at all?" I whispered against her skin as I kissed her forehead.

She pulled back to look at me, her big beautiful brown eyes boring into mine. "I feel great Jake," she said and then sighed, her mouth twisting off to the side a bit like it did when she was thinking about something. "Different maybe... but not in a bad way. And I'm not sore... half-vampire here, remember?" she pointed at herself, smirking lightly. "I heal quickly."

She smiled and kissed my lips lightly, before tilting her head to the side and deepening it, allowing me to taste her mouth. It, like the rest of her, was so sweet and soft. It reminded me of tasting her, drinking from her, for the first time last night. It was heavenly. My body reacted to her scent and taste like nothing I've ever experienced before. I craved it. It was almost instinctual – like a primal instinct that told me I needed her body to sustain my own... like my body knew that her beautiful scent and flavour was meant for me. I felt myself twitch again at the memory of it.

"So," she said, pulling away slightly and catching her breath from our kiss and raising an eyebrow at me, "about those dreams..."

I growled lightly and quickly flipped her over so she was on her back beneath me. She squealed and giggled as she landed and then wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me there playfully.

"You're sure you want to know what _I_ dream about?" I asked as my hands began to roam over every curve of her smooth, warm body.

She moved her lips up to my ear and nibbled lightly again before responding.

"Mmmmm hmmmmm."

I kissed her lips, hard and long, until my lungs constricted from lack of oxygen and then pulled back leaving both of us to gasp for air.

"Just remember, you asked for it." I whispered with a smile.

Her breath hitched a bit as she caught my eyes. Last night I worshipped her, taking things slowly and softly, going at her pace... loving every second of discovering each other this way for the first time. Today... I allowed the lust, the raw passion I felt for her to seep through, and I'm sure she saw it there, in my eyes. What excited me more than anything, was that I saw the same passion reflected in hers. It was _hot, _literally and figuratively, making my blood boil with want.

I began kissing every single inch of the creamy, smooth skin I had been admiring all night. I kissed and licked and sucked on every conceivable part of her beautiful body, - her arms, her long legs, her graceful neck, her back, the curve at the small of it – everywhere. I paid extra attention to her full, round breasts. They fit perfectly in my hands and mouth, and I loved the reactions I got from her when I held them, or licked and sucked them into my mouth.

And then I licked and sucked my way down her body to taste her again. I couldn't get enough of her.

I lived for every panted breath, every moan, groan, whimper and sigh that I could elicit from her body. I loved everything she did to me and for me when we were together like this, but nothing could compare to the high I got from making her feel good. My head swam and my blood ran through my body like a river of lava. Each time she showed me how I affected her I literally felt myself get hotter... and I would keep going until I drowned in the heat. No drug on earth could get me high like she did.

When she quivered and melted into her first orgasm under my mouth I kissed her and smiled against her again like I did last night, letting the waves of heat emanating off of her wash over me. I sat back on my knees looking her over, claiming her with my eyes, like my body was dying to do. Her ring - _my_ ring - sparkled on her finger, in the rays of the sunrise from the window, catching my eye.

She followed my eyes to look down at her hand as I picked it up and kissed her palm.

"Oh, Jake," she breathed, "Thank you. It's beautiful."

I smiled and lay down next to her, propped up on an elbow, kissing her shoulder as she continued to admire the ring I'd chosen for her.

"Nowhere near as beautiful as its owner," I mumbled and kissed her cheek.

She blushed.

I laughed softly under my breath, loving the fact that I could still make her blush with a simple compliment after all we'd done together last night and this morning.

We sat together for a minute or two, her admiring the ring, me admiring the fact that it was on her and with that came the promise she made to be mine forever. The ring was feminine and sort of complicated and intricate in a very elegant way. It reminded me a lot of her. Nothing about her was simple, but everything about her was beautiful, and this ring was the same... that's why I chose it. The band was scalloped all the way around and the white gold wound into a design of ribbons and ropes with small diamonds set inside each scallop. The centre diamond was one and a half carats - almost completely clear and nearly flawless, like her. It had a matching band, which I bought to go with it, for the day when I would be lucky enough to make her my wife.

She turned to face me with tears in her eyes and kissed me softly on my lips. I held the hand that wore my ring and pressed it into my chest, at my heart, while I kissed her back and tried to pour all of my love into it.

We started to move together. All of the raw lust from before was gone, and this time we moved with a warm and deep passion that I could feel rocking me to my very core. We kissed and caressed each other softly as our bodies drew themselves together like magnets.

I felt myself winding and rolling my hips with hers as we lay on our sides and kissed. It was natural, like we had been together for years; our bodies knew how to work together. Without realizing it, my length was inching closer and closer to where it wanted to be. I felt the heat rise within me, and then combine with a new, raw and primal feeling that pooled in my gut and began spreading outwards all over my body as we kissed and moved in perfect time with one another. This new combination caused something in me to change, like the flip of a switch, everything about what we were doing together was different. I had an almost _overwhelming_ urge to be with her, in her, with nothing between us. I knew the mating instinct was strong in my kind, and it had been rumoured that the reason people imprinted on their true mates was to make sure there was an heir to the bloodline. I didn't put much stock in that theory until now. As the alpha male my heir would be the most important and crucial to the survival of the werewolf gene amongst our people. And that's how this new need felt, like it was vital to be with her like that. There was no way I could deny the truth to that rumour after being with her like this. Every muscle, bone and fibre in my body wanted to be with her without any barriers and spill inside of her, leaving her with a small part of me that could become so much more.

I shook my head lightly and took a deep breath. That was a very dangerous line of thinking.

_Fuck, get a grip, Jake_, I muttered to myself. There was _no way_ we were going there now. I forced myself to find the will to stop, literally gritting my teeth with the effort it took to pull back a bit, guiding my length away from her.

I shuddered and took a deep breath, before things went any further, and forced my hand to stop touching her long enough to reach over, without breaking our kisses or rhythm, and pulled another condom out of the drawer. I knew I had to stop momentarily to put it on, but it nearly killed me to break contact with her. Last night my body knew it had found it's other half and now it wanted nothing more than to become one with it once again... but trying to force myself away from her, even for a second, at a moment like that was almost painful.

And she wasn't helping. She was panting lightly into my mouth, burning me with searing kisses and whimpering quietly with every rock of our hips. She was just as drawn to me as I was to her.

I pulled my lips away from hers long enough to try and tell her what we needed to do.

"Ness... we have to... I've got to..." I mumbled to her, unable to get a full sentence out.

She hummed in response, closed her eyes and continued to kiss me and roll her hips against mine.

I groaned, knowing I was just going to have to do it, and told myself that if I did it quickly it would be less painful, like pulling off a band-aid. So without any other warning I quickly rolled onto my back to slip the condom on. I was so aroused that my hands were shaking with the effort it took to stay away from her. Lucky for me she followed as I rolled, leaning over me, and kissing me lightly on the neck.

No words were said as I kissed her lips and rolled us again until she was lying beneath me. I didn't hesitate this time. I just found my place in the cradle of her body, and wound my arms around her waist as I kissed the valley between her breasts and slowly began to slide inside her wet, heated core.

It was slightly easier than last night, because she was more relaxed, but she was still _so tight_.

I had to stop after the third soft thrust, once I was all the way in, and surrounded by heat a thousand times hotter than anything I had ever felt. She was so soft and wet, but gripped me tightly without even trying. It was an amazingly arousing combination of sensations. I moaned softly and took a few seconds to get used to it before I could begin moving. I could smell her arousal from where I was. It intoxicated me. I breathed in her sent, letting it fill my lungs, wanting to take and consume every part of her as I gave her all of me.

"Renesmee," I breathed out into the skin of her neck, "so soft, so sweet... baby I love you _so _much."

She shuddered and quaked at the sound of my words causing her inner muscles to tremble and pulse a bit around me.

I groaned and tried hard not to focus on the hot pressure on my length because, werewolf stamina or not, I knew this beautiful woman had the power to make me come undone in mere seconds. And I was in no hurry to finish. I'd been waiting all night to be with her like this again. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to stare into hers, letting myself drift and get lost in them, letting them calm and ground me, as I began to move.

We rolled our hips together seamlessly, like the waves from the beach all those months ago, lapping over the rocks. She closed her eyes and slowly laid her palms on my chest as we began our dance. I saw bands of copper like my skin winding and twisting together with the softest, palest peach like hers in a pool of deep red – her skin and mine, bonding, connected and swimming in desire.

_I never knew I could love someone this much... that I could be so – connected to another person. _

"Oh Jake," she half-moaned, half-sighed, "I love you too," and then leaned up to kiss me, running her hands up to my neck.

_Mmmm, how is it possible to feel this good? I... uuunngh. _I groaned inwardly as she began to add a slight swivel to the movement in her hips. It created a fiery friction, causing the muscles in her core to twist around me... I could feel every millimetre of movement as her body gripped and wound around mine.

_It feels so fucking good_... _mmmmm, too good_.

I responded to her movements by thrusting slightly harder, hitting deeper inside her as she wound and swivelled around me. My hands were on her hips, her lips on my forehead, her hands on my neck.

"I know," she mumbled against me, "so good Jake," she murmured, "so, _soooo good_."

I felt her pick up our pace this time, and my body reacted, racing into action with her. I sped up further, thrusting harder and faster into her heat, feeling my lava like blood beginning to rush and pool deep in my gut. My muscles began tightening... _I'm getting close._

"Ooooohhhh," she moaned softly in a high pitched voice. Her breathing sped and her head fell back to the pillow. Her fingers dug into the back of my neck, like she was holding on for her life. The bands of copper and soft peach in her vision began to vibrate and glow, radiating heat as they tumbled and rolled together.

"Yes," she panted, "so close... oh _God _Jake... _please_... more."

I shook my head. It was like... like she was answering my every thought.

_How...?_

She gasped loudly as her head flew up from the pillow, and she stilled her body's movements completely.

I froze with her instantly, worried that something was wrong. Her face was filled with shock and something else that looked like... confusion or... amazement?

"Both," she whispered, now wide-eyed and staring at me intently.

I felt my own brow furrow in confusion and tried hard not to focus on the throbbing below my waist. My body was so close to the edge that it physically _hurt_ to stop at this point. It was craving her heat and friction and ... _uuunnngh._

"Sorry," she whispered and began swivelling her hips again, this time in wide, slow circles around me.

She stared into my eyes, like she was looking for answers and I hoped she found what she was looking for before they rolled back into my head in response to the white-hot surge of pleasure that shot through my body as she moved.

"Oh _God,_ Jake," she whispered in a desperate moan. She was staring at me intensely with an expression I didn't quite recognize. She was flushed and beautiful and felt so good wrapped around me like this. I sped my pace again and continued where we had left off before. Her head rolled forward towards me this time and she kept her eyes trained on mine, our foreheads touching.

As we moved, connected this way, I couldn't help but wonder if it was different for her then it was for me. What was she thinking? Did she have any idea how much I loved her? How I could do this with her forever, and it would never be enough?

Her face softened, she whimpered, and her jaw fell slack as I felt her begin to quiver and quake, the muscles in her core pulsing and tightening in tiny waves.

"I'm confused _and _amazed Jake... and I love you too. You can have me for forever Jake... I... I... oooooooohhhhhhh," she mumbled and moaned, the words tumbling from her soft lips as she began to tense all over and shift and push against me and –

_Wait! She just... did she...?_

"Ness," I gasped, "what..."

My mind raced as my body responded to her building orgasm. We were both right on the edge and I couldn't even bring myself to form a full thought about what had just happened because she just felt so good, so right... so...

"_Aaaaaaahhhhhhh," _I half-moaned, half shouted as every muscle in my body tensed and the heat in them surged forward, rushing down toward my length, toward her... us.

"Aaaaaaahhhh, **Jake**!" she echoed loudly and then she collapsed around me, her body tensing and wrapping firmly around mine, her tight muscles grabbing hold of my length - bringing on a rush and explosion of fire that had me thrusting erratically and shaking as I came hard inside of her. I felt every muscle of my body drain and the heat flow down through my gut and into my length, out of me and into her. The force of it knocked me breathless.

For a minute or so there was nothing besides panted breaths and one or two small whimpers from her as we came back down to earth.

"What..." I panted as soon as I could catch my breath.

"Baby..." I rested my head on hers, staring into her half-closed eyes with mine.

" Nessie," I ran the back of my hand over her still amazed and beautifully flushed face "... what just happened?" I asked, with a shake in my voice.

"Jake," she whispered, her voice just as shaky as mine, "this is going to sound crazy - but... I _heard you._ Not... not just your _voice_. I heard _you_."

**~~~000~~~**

**RPOV**

"Have you tried it without touching him?" Leah asked for about the millionth time as we clicked off our seat belts and settled in for the five hour flight back to Washington.

I rolled my eyes and threw an unopened pack of sesame snacks at her.

"_Yes_, for the _millionth_ time Leah, I tried it both with and without touching him. I don't even know how I did it the first time! How am I supposed to do it again, if I don't know how I did it in the first place?" I practically growled at her in my frustration. She raised her eyebrows and turned away from me towards the window muttering sarcastic comments about just trying to help, and how I was being too _sensitive_ about the whole thing.

I hated that word... sensitive. It was the equivalent of telling me that I was throwing a temper tantrum because I couldn't handle what was going on. Her tone was the same one a person would use when they spoke to a six year old learning to tie their shoes.

_Grrrrrrrrrrr_, I growled to myself. _I am not a six year old kid! _And then I huffed and rolled my eyes at my own idiotic inner dialogue because, of course, I _was _technically six years old... just _not a kid_!

_UGH! _Why did this have to be so frustrating? I had 'heard' Jake many times now, his thoughts as clear to me as if he were speaking out loud... but only when we were making love. I tried, after the first couple of times, to figure out how I was doing it, but I still had no clue. Either I could, or I couldn't hear him. As Leah pointed out, we were always in very close physical contact when it happened, but I had a feeling that being physically intimate with him wasn't it, or at least not all of it. I just... _knew_ it was something deeper than that. I don't know how I knew, I just _did_.

Seth leaned forward and stuck his head up around Jake's seat, who was sitting beside the aisle next to me. Olivia was exhausted and was already sleeping in the seat. Jake was settled into his seat, as comfortably as he could be given the tight fit for someone of his size in a coach class seat.

"You know," Seth said teasingly with a small smile on his face, "you could always test the theory on someone else..."

Jake's head turned sharply toward Seth and his eyes narrowed to slits as he growled. It was light enough that no one else around us heard him, but menacing enough for Seth to know he had crossed a line with that little comment. It was the alpha male equivalent of 'say that again and your ass is _mine_'. I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly. Would they ever get enough? Seth and Leah had been teasing us since New Year's Day, when we had finally managed to drag ourselves out of bed to meet everyone at dinner. It was like we were wearing neon signs that said 'Yep, we did it!'.

Well, of course, _I_ might as well have been wearing a sign. When I woke up the morning after we had been together the first time I told Jake that I felt different... not bad, just different. I had never spoken truer words. On top of everything else, there were actual _physical _changes that had somehow taken place over night. Jake said he noticed them as I was sleeping, and thought he might have imagined them at first. But after the sun had risen completely and we made our way out of bed to clean up, it was clear that he hadn't imagined anything. My skin had taken on a slightly more luminous quality, not actually glowing, but brightening just slightly. My hair had somehow softened to almost the exact same texture of silk and became shinier and more luxurious as a result. It was slightly unsettling to discover, but the changes were positive, even if my skin was slightly more reflective to eyes like Jake's and mine, the average human would probably just see incredibly smooth and flawless skin and hair.

I'll never forget the look on Leah's face when she was us...

"_Hey guys," Jake said casually as we made our way to the table hand in hand, "Sorry we didn't make it down to lunch, but we were pretty beat."_

_I glanced over at him, and he gave me the smallest of smirks, so small I was sure no one else would have seen it, before we sat in our chairs, still holding hands._

"_Oh. My. God." Leah exclaimed, her mouth drawn up into a coy half-smile. She looked like the cat that swallowed the canary._

_I looked at Jake, stunned. She looked like she knew! Did he somehow tell her without me knowing? I knew it couldn't be about our engagement... Jake was holding my left hand and his hand was so large that it obscured my ring from view. We had agreed to tell everyone together at dinner._

_Jake shot an exasperated glance at me, indicating that he didn't have a clue about what she was so excited about, and then shot an annoyed one at Leah._

"_What?" he said to her pointedly, obviously annoyed._

_Seth and Olivia were looking back and forth between Jake and I and Leah, trying to figure out what was going on._

"_Oh... nothing," she said, in a tone that obviously meant '_something'_ before grabbing a dinner roll. She practically purred with smugness as she slowly buttered her roll and chuckled under her breath._

_Jake was losing his patience. _

"_Leah... what the hell has gotten into you?" he said, and shook his head before grabbing two rolls and passing one to me. I grabbed a knife and began cutting the roll in half._

_Instead of answering him, she asked me a question. _

"_How are you feeling today, Ness? Tired? Are you sore at all?" she asked, in a seemingly innocent tone._

"_Ummm I uuuhhh," I muttered. _OH!_ I thought dumbly. _She's referring to my attack.Well that's easy enough to answer.

"_I'm feeling great Leah. I was really emotional when we got in last night, but Jake and Olivia helped me get calmed down and cleaned up. And then Jake..." I paused, looking up to him to see if I should tell them about his proposal now or wait until later._

_He cast a small but brilliant smile down at me, his eyes twinkling, and squeezed my hand lightly, letting me know it was ok to tell them._

_But in that moment - looking up into his shining dark eyes, seeing his bright smile and the beginnings of the dimples that went with it, and feeling the absolute love and devotion_, _he had for me burning in his gaze - I got choked up and couldn't get the words out._

"_He... we..." I choked out, but couldn't finish. I worked on it for a few more seconds, but when the first of my happy tears fell, Jake raised our joined hands and wiped it away before kissing my cheek softly. It was so very sweet. My heart swelled when I looked at him, not able to tear myself away from his gaze._

_He spoke for me, not looking away from my eyes as he did._

"_I asked her to marry me," he said softly and raised my hand to his, revealing my ring and kissing it before continuing, "and she said yes."_

_Olivia gasped lightly and smiled brightly and Seth smiled too before they both got up and made their way around the table to hug and congratulate us. Leah joined them after a minute and hugged me first. She pulled me to her for a tight squeeze of a hug and then leaned in to whisper in my ear._

"_So... were you busy saying _yes_ all night?" she asked in a knowing tone, and then chuckled softly in my ear._

_I gasped and froze._

OH. MY. GOD. _I thought to myself. _She **knows**! How does she know?_ I was beyond mortified. I felt my skin heat and flush and wished my blush would subside because I knew it would give us away._

"_Ness?" Jake asked, trying to get my attention. I was still frozen as Leah released me. He must have noticed my stiff posture because he was by my side in a flash and glaring at Leah who was standing a foot away from me, arms crossed, back to looking like the cat that ate the canary._

_Seth and Olivia were staring at us, and Seth's smug expression clearly showed that he had also figured it out._

_Jake took one look at me, and my very deep blush, and then turned back to Leah._

"_Nice," he hissed obviously upset with her, "Leah just... give it a rest."_

_He pulled me close for a one armed hug and I felt my frozen form relax into his large, warm, muscular one. I took a deep breath of his scent, letting it fill my senses and calm me. I wasn't sure why it was so difficult for me to admit our intimacy in front of the others. I felt a little silly about it as I calmed down... but not enough to overpower the embarrassment of the whole situation._

"_Sorry," I muttered sheepishly into his shirt, "I just... I can't... I don't want to – talk about it with them."_

"_You don't have to talk about anything," he whispered. "What we do is just between you and me," he brushed a hand down my hair and kissed the top of my head lightly before pulling back to continue._

"_Leah's just being a pain in the ass... probably just jealous that she's not getting any." he said, just loud enough for everyone to hear._

_Seth guffawed and Olivia giggled while Jake chuckled at his own joke._

_My eyes widened and then... I couldn't help it... I laughed a bit, right along with them. Leah just glared at him and then went back to her seat in a huff._

_But that was the last time I'd laughed about it in days. Leah took Jake's little jab to mean that it was open season for teasing. _

_And so the jokes and innuendos began... _

And they've continued ever since. I shook my head in disgust at Seth's suggestion about _trying it on someone else_. I was frustrated and embarrassed and I just didn't want to listen to their little jokes any more. Obviously Jake had had enough too.

Jake had been holding my hand since we'd been seated. When he noticed my extreme frustration between Leah's conversation and Seth's joke he began to run circles over my knuckles with this thumb in an effort to calm me. It had been a week now, since Jake and I had gotten engaged... since the first time we made love. Since then we had a hard time being separated from one another. I was always in his arms, or we were holding each other's hands, or he had an arm around my waist or I was standing next to him, with a hand on his arm. When we weren't in constant physical contact, we were always in the same room, within ten to twenty feet of each other. We were never farther apart than that. At first I'd thought it was just me with my strong and still somewhat erratic emotional reactions that felt the need to be so close to him all the time. I felt like I _needed_ to be with him, or my body just seemed – off somehow – _wrong_.

I tried to ignore the feeling for the first day or two, and set out to try and focus on this new and strange development where my gift was concerned, but after a while it just became obvious to everyone that I was more comfortable in Jake's presence. I was worried that he would find me to be too clingy or needy, so I tried my best to keep some distance between us when I could, but whenever I did it seemed like he sensed how uncomfortable I was and was near me, or by my side again in a matter of minutes. When we finally talked about it, I was relieved to find out that Jake felt the same way... that somehow he needed to be in my presence too. He said that his body felt a bit foreign when I wasn't with him, and I agreed. It was the perfect description for how I felt too. He said that he wasn't coming back to me after I put distance between us just to make _me _feel more comfortable, he needed to be there too.

Our crazy electrical, magnetic and fiery pull had only gotten stronger since we'd been together like that. We used to only be able to feel the heat and the pull we shared when we were physically touching. But since our first time together, we both discovered that we could feel the pull and the fire and the hum from several feet away. It got weaker the farther we were separated, and if we were too far from each other it went away almost completely. That was what bothered me more than anything else. We both agreed that whatever it was that was drawing us together physically felt _right, _and when we got far enough away from each other that it completely dissipated, we felt _wrong. _Our bodies seemed completely in tune with one another. At one point during the night this week, when we had been falling asleep in each other's arms after making love, I actually heard our heartbeats falling into sync with one another. Mine was naturally a lot faster than his, but when they evened out after we caught our breath and we were lying in silence, it was two of my beats to one of his. The timing was perfect. Not a fraction of a second off from being _mine-his-mine, mine-his-mine_. I stayed awake for a whole hour, just listening to it... marvelling at it.

About half way through the flight I tried to sleep and found my mind drifting off to think about what we were headed back to Washington for. My father had called this morning with the news. _Kaya was back_. I almost couldn't believe it when my parents called and shared the news. Someone saw her wandering the streets in Forks, walking on the side of the road, expression blank, half-clothed and staring at nothing in particular. When they called the police Charlie immediately knew who it was, and picked her up to bring her home. He had no idea about the details of what was going on, just that I was in danger and Kaya's disappearance probably had something to do with me. He went back to where she was found immediately after dropping her off to search for any 'clues' about who might have taken her. As much as I appreciated the gesture, even if it was a formality in a missing person's case, we all knew Charlie wasn't likely to find anything on the streets of Forks that could help.

When he brought her home, everyone was overjoyed at her return, but it was very short-lived. She was skinny, as though she hadn't been fed properly while she was kept captive, and dirty. Her clothes, the same ones she had on when she had gone missing, were half missing and in shreds. In short, my father had said, she was an absolute mess.

As soon as Jared arrived he smelt the vampire scents in the air around her. Her clothes, her hair, her body... they were all saturated with it. They kept trying to ask her questions about where she had been, who she had been with. She wouldn't talk. Apparently the only thing she would say was my name. My parents headed back to Washington to see her, hoping that my father could use his gift to figure out what was going on in her head that she couldn't, or wouldn't talk about. They called us right after my father had seen her. He said her mind was strangely blank... like she had been conditioned to keep it that way. It was like a black wall. He didn't get _nothing_ from her, like he did with my mom... he just got _blackness_. He said that the only change to her perpetually blackened mind was when he spoke my name. He said there was a flash of very dim light... and small concrete room with no seams and no exits that resembled what I had described seeing in my dream.

When my dad called Jake and I, he had asked for me to return home to Forks. He said that he hoped seeing me would help jog Kaya's memory, or help her break through that dark wall. Jake was convinced that we should stay away, that it was some kind of trap. I half-agreed with both of them. I wanted to see Kaya, and help her if at all possible... but Jake had a point. I mean, why else would _he_ return her, especially with her asking for me, needing to see me.

We argued a bit about it, after Jake argued with my father on the phone. He was insisting on keeping me away and wanted my father to try something different to 'wake her up' from her stupor. My father was also concerned that it might be a trap, but looked at it as an opportunity. The rest of my family was returning to Forks too, to regroup, and he was positive nothing could happen to me with everyone there to protect me. He reasoned that we might even have a chance to get at one of _them_ if they came after me while I was at home. And I really wanted to see Kaya and help her if I could. It was my fault that she was taken and was suffering in the first place. Jake got angry with me for saying it – he was livid with me for blaming myself and adamant about the fact that it was _not my fault_. I conceded, not wanting to get him any more upset than he already was, but I didn't agree with him completely. I knew I was not responsible for this stupid game and that I did nothing to harm her personally... but if the people of La Push had never met me they would all be alive and safe and happy right now. I couldn't ignore that fact, even if Jacob said that no one blamed me... _I_ did.

I was also smart enough to know that Kaya wasn't the only reason my parents wanted me to return to Forks. I knew my parents were beside themselves with worry after hearing about the attack on New Year's Eve. They had wanted to fly out to see me right away, but after I spoke with them, and painstakingly convinced them that I was absolutely fine, they conceded and decided to stay where they were, but not before they told me they would be checking in more frequently. And they did. Once a day in fact. So I wanted to do this for them too. I knew that seeing me would give them the reassurance they needed to know that I was doing just fine.

I also knew, just as well as Jake did, that it would not be easy to deal with my father after the recent developments in our relationship. There would be no keeping it from him. But I still wanted to go back. I needed to see them too. I missed them, and I thought that maybe, after the initial shock of things had died down, I could spend a day with my mom and talk. I missed her so much...

That was the straw that broke the camel's back... or the wolf's back I guess I should say. Jake must have seen in my eyes how much I needed my mom, and missed talking to her. He also knew how important it was for me to talk to my dad about what had happened with my gift... if he could bring himself to discuss it with me after he discovered how I came across the development. It would be awkward... but I was really hoping to get some help from him about it. I hadn`t been able to think about much else besides my gift for the last few days – well - that and Jake. So, with more than a bit of apprehension and hesitation, we agreed to return for two days and then set out again after that.

I felt my cheek warm slightly as Jake brushed my hair off of it and kissed it softly, bringing me back out of my daydream. I slowly opened my eyes to notice that people were fastening their seatbelts and gathering their things.

"We're just about to land," he said quietly and then sighed. "You ready for this?"

He looked at me with his brows furrowed, and his eyes full of worry and concern. I knew he was worried about my dad's reaction and how I would handle it. He thought there was too much going on right now, and that with their already heightened state of worry, we were asking for trouble by letting them know about our engagement and... other things. He made me promise not to get in the middle of things if it got heated between him and my dad, and to let him deal with it. I promised him that I wouldn't get in the middle, but I was most certainly not leaving him to deal with my father alone. My dad needed to know how happy I was with Jake. I reasoned with Jake that my happiness was really what should and _would_ matter in the end. Jake didn't seem to be convinced.

I smiled a small smile, that probably looked more like a grimace, and then kissed Jake lightly on the lips. When I pulled back I looked at him with as much love and determination as I could muster over my nerves while I responded.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

**~~~000~~~**

I stood in my bedroom of the little cottage pacing, trying desperately to overhear what was being said during the hushed and whispered argument in the sitting room.

I'd been there for almost fifteen minutes, after my mother and Jacob insisted that I wait there while my father tore into my fiancée in the other room.

I heard my father's voice get slightly more agitated as he 'spoke' to Jake when he heard my use of the word fiancée.

_Yes daddy_, I thought to myself wryly, _he is my fiancée! And you are fighting a losing battle here. I love him. With all of my heart - I love him. Did you hear that? _And then I shouted internally.

_I LOVE HIM! HE LOVES ME TOO! WE ARE HAPPY, AND WE WILL BE GETTING MARRIED WITH OR __**WITHOUT **__YOUR CONSENT!_

All of the voices in the sitting room cut off abruptly and my father was suddenly at my bedroom door, wrenching it open in a flash.

His face was frozen in an expression of exasperation, anger and disdain. His body was rigid and his hands curled into fists. To say that he was angry would have been the understatement of the century.

My heart sped a bit in reaction to his expression. He looked... _frighteningly like a dangerous vampire._ My father had never looked that way in my presence before. But I wasn't about to let him intimidate me with that. My father loved me and he would never hurt me. Jake, on the other hand, was who I was worried about. Just as Jake predicted he lunged at him as soon as we were out of the car. Uncle Jasper caught it right away and flew at my dad, pulling him off of Jake before he could do any real damage. It took my mom, Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice almost an hour and a half to calm him down enough so that he could be in Jake's presence without trying to rip him to shreds.

I was so proud of Jake. He wasn't surprised and didn't make a move against my father that wasn't to defend himself, even if he _had _phased just before my dad managed to get to him. His instincts told him he was in danger, but he fought them, and resisted fighting back – for me.

We had come to the cottage to wait for them to 'talk' to us. If that's what you could call the one-sided dictatorial lecture that was happening in the sitting room between my dad and Jake.

"You will not speak to me that way young lady." My father seethed, his voice tight with anger and anxiety. "I have been more than understanding with you two, but I will not-"

_Understanding? _I shot back and glared at him. _You think you're being __**understanding? **__You've barely let Jake get a word in edgewise and you flat out refused to talk to me. You haven't listened to a word he's said about ANY of this! How dare you imply that you've been understanding?_

My father's eyes narrowed, but before he could reply Jake called to him from the sitting room.

"Edward, just leave her out of this. It's me you're upset with here, not her." His voice was tired and obviously annoyed.

My father snarled something I didn't quite catch under his breath, and then flew back to the sitting room at lightning speed to berate Jake, once again.

Against Jake and my mom's wishes, I followed my father out to the sitting room to find my mother glancing anxiously back and forth between the two men in the room from her favourite chair, which just so happened to be in the middle of where the two of them were standing. I walked up to stand solidly beside her, letting everyone know without so many words that I was done with being left out of this.

Jake was not happy to see me return. I was doing exactly what I promised him I wouldn't do by getting in the middle of things. His frustration and worry was written all over his face. I knew he was determined not to let our relationship come between me and my parents. He wanted to handle this himself. But _I_ was worried about _him_. He shouldn't have been taking this all on himself... especially since _I_ was the one who initiated most of it.

"WHAT?" My father growled and was directly in front of me in a flash. His body was no more than an inch from mine his hands curled tightly into fists, as he towered over me with a look of surprise and a large amount of anger on his face. His eyes were black and if I was being honest with myself... he looked like he was ready to lose it.

I gasped quietly as my mother jumped up from her seat, sliding her hands between us and placing them on his chest with a firm and surprised 'Edward' rolling off her lips to admonish him.

But I barely noticed any of that because my eyes were now trained on the trembling hand gripping my father's shoulder.

"You need to back off Edward – _now_." Jacob nearly snarled as his grip tightened on my father's shoulder.

"Jake!" I squeaked in a panic, knowing that he was worried for my safety, but also that my father was much more likely to hurt him at that moment and _never_ likely to hurt me at all, no matter what it looked like.

"Edward," said my mother again, her voice full of reproach. She pushed against him again, without any luck.

"_What_ on earth were you _thinking_ Renesmee?" He snapped at me. He was disappointed, and angry - so, _so_ angry with me.

I blinked rapidly, a bit shocked at the malice in his voice. But this was why I had wanted to be here for this discussion. He needed to know how I felt, so did my mom... and Jake deserved to hear me tell them.

I took a deep and shaky breath and began speaking from the heart.

"I _love him_ dad. He's... _everything _to me. You _know _this. We didn't do this out of some sort of misguided crush. You know that things are so much _more_ between us than just that. You know that, neither of us would have gotten engaged and we would never, ever have slept-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" He shouted and lurched forward minutely. He was so mad he was both literally and figuratively spewing venom with his words. It hurt... cut straight to my heart. I knew he would react badly, but this... this was so much more than I expected. It was completely out of character for him where I was concerned and I had no idea what to expect next.

I felt a small whimper squeak out of my throat the second that he lurched forward and that was all it took for both my mom and Jake to have had their fill of him shouting in my face.

In a flash my mom, with Jake's help, had pushed him away from me with a grunt. She was standing in front of him about five feet away, while Jake growled at him, shaking in fury, and now standing directly in front of me.

"_Leave. Her. Alone_." Jake seethed and snarled through gritted teeth.

"Bella, please," my father said in an exasperated and oddly snide tone of voice, "I would never _hurt_ her. Jacob is – being_ dramatic_ – thinking he needs to save the girl he loves from _me_... even though I love her with my entire being and would _never_ hurt her."

My father's eyes narrowed and focused solely on Jacob while he spoke, even though he was supposed to be addressing my mother.

There was something going on between them, something dark and I didn't like it at all. I was truly afraid for both of them right now. They couldn't fight each other. One of them would get hurt and I loved them both too much to see that happen.

Jake growled again and took a step toward my father.

"This is _nothing_ like that. It's not the same and you know it." He said in a voice so low, so menacing that it made chills crawl up my spine.

It seemed like they were having some sort of private conversation. I noticed my mother stiffen as she came to the same realization. And then she began to beg, in a hurried whisper, for my father to let it go and leave with her to calm down.

"Oh isn't it, Jacob?" My father said, his voice dripping with spite and bitterness. "We both know _exactly_ how far you'll go to fight for the women you've loved."

Jake stiffened at the same time my mother did and then shook his head minutely at my father, growling quietly, but constantly under his breath. I could see he was trying to tell my dad something in his thoughts. My mother was frantically pleading with my father to let it go, once again, but neither of them backed down from their aggressive stances.

I felt my anger and frustration rise with each second of the ridiculous standoff between the two men I loved most in the world. A minute passed and no one had budged, the growling and tension had yet to cease, silent conversations were still being had. My mother was now pleading silently with my father, her shield obviously lifted.

And I... had had enough. My anger and frustration was suddenly at an all time high – the room around me began to darken and seemed to be masked in a veil of red. I couldn't take it anymore. No one had listened to a word I'd said. My father was oblivious to the love I was professing for Jake, and Jacob was hell-bent on defending me from the one other man on earth that would never physically harm me. But they were going to listen now, whether they wanted to or not.

Abruptly, I whipped around Jacob's still shaking and growling form to plant myself between them and grabbed onto each of their arms ready to force my thoughts upon them, in the one way I knew would force them to listen.

But as soon as I had, I wished I hadn't.

Somehow I had reversed my gift again.

Somehow I was hearing and seeing their thoughts instead of my own.

Suddenly - _I felt sick_.

"What..." I mumbled as my father gasped and said my name, reaching for me. I could barely hear him, my mind was still wading through the images I picked up in theirs. I would have willed them away if I could have... but I couldn't do anything but stare at them in horror and disgust.

_Jacob, on a mountaintop, threatening to die._

_Jacob, on a mountaintop, with my mother._

_Jacob... __**kissing my mother**__._

Over and over they flashed through my mind. There were more. Images of me from Jake, thoughts about our unique connection to each other, the strength of it. Thoughts in Jake's pleading voice saying, 'it's not the same' and 'this is so much _more_ than that and you _know_ it' and in my father's vindictive one stating 'he'll stop at _nothing_ for the woman he loves'.

_The woman he loves. _The words rolled over and over in my mind_. _

But... before... my father had said women _plural_, not woman. And this thought was connected with the images of Jake and my mom...

My stomach churned uncomfortably as the reality of their combined thoughts slowly began to settle in.

What disturbed me most, was the presence of the pull, _our pull_, when he was with her. It was weak, but it was there. It crushed me to recognize it. That was _US_, the very essence of who we were...

I gasped a shallow and hollow breath. The action provided no relief from the suddenly almost overwhelming need for air.

_How could he have felt it for her too_?

I felt warm arms around me, shaking me, jarring me from the images momentarily.

"Nessie," I heard Jake's worried voice say.

I blinked. I was on the floor, somehow having fallen to my knees without realizing it. My father was in front of me, grasping at my hands, pleading with me to listen to him. My mother was behind him, sobbing without tears, one hand pressed to her mouth the other tightly wrapped around her waist.

"Nessie. Baby talk to me. What's wrong?" Jake whispered in my ear. His warmth and heat was emanating from him to me, seeping through my flesh and bones, providing comfort for me but...

I was suddenly repulsed, and needed to get away from him.

_He __**kissed**__ my mother. He was __**in love**__ with my mother._

I pushed him off of me and rose to my feet quickly, pulling my hands back from my father and then quickly crossing the room.

Jacob's face was full of confusion and fear as he stared at my blank expression. I was numb with anger.

_How could they have kept this from me?_

"We kept it from you for your own good Renesmee. We never meant to hurt you." My father mumbled remorsefully. He pulled my mother in for a hug to comfort her and she buried her face in his chest. I was glad not to be able to see her. I didn't think I could look at her without _those images_ flashing through my mind. She said nothing to defend herself or to console me.

Suddenly Jacob seemed very aware of what was going on. I saw him tremble from head to toe, this time not in anger, but in fear. And he should be afraid. Because I was angry. So angry with him for keeping this from me. He, of all people, should have told me. He was the one person in my life I trusted implicitly - we had no secrets... or so I had thought.

"You were _in love_ with her." I said in a quiet whisper, my voice cracking in pain on the word 'her' as I pointed with a shaky finger to my mother.

He stood, frozen, his face a now contorted in pain and regret. His body was screaming his conflicting emotions... his shoulders tense and raised in fear, his fists clenched tightly in anger, his feet firmly planted a foot apart in denial, his throat swallowing thickly in remorse and his eyes telling me that he wouldn't - no _couldn't_ – admit to it out loud.

I shook my head trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Jake, _my Jacob_, had been in love with my mother. I knew that they had been best friends. I also knew that he and my father had a long standing grudge of sorts between them. But what I hadn't known was why. I had assumed it was because of the whole, "I am a werewolf and you are stealing my best friend away from me to turn her into a bloodsucking leech" thing that any of the wolves would have gone through in Jake's position had they been my mom's best friend. I also knew that before I was born Jacob was not fond of the idea of a half-vampire, half-human baby being born to my mother. But I had thought that was because it was so dangerous for her to have me, that his best friend should have died in the attempt.

"That's all true Renesmee, please stop this, and let us explain." My father pled with me. But I barely heard him. My mind was busy with other thoughts... thoughts that I now knew had to be the truth.

I shook my head and stared at the floor, my stomach in my throat, my knees feeling oddly like they were somehow becoming weaker and involuntarily flexible beneath me.

What if they did hate each other for those reasons...and _so much more_. I nodded to myself feeling sick once more.

Yes. _They hated each other because they were both in love with the same woman_.

_My mother_.

_What did that make me? Was I just a replacement for her? A consolation prize for the finished second werewolf? I was a piece of her... and so he loved me... because I was the only piece of her he could have?_

I could hear my father's voice in the background, refuting my thoughts, telling me that I had it all wrong, that all of my thoughts about what I meant to Jake were backwards. But I couldn't process any of it. My mind kept replaying the facts and coming to the same conclusions. The thoughts swirled around in my head over and over again, making me dizzy and weak with emotion.

I gagged, feeling the contents of my breakfast rise up to the top of my throat before forcing it down.

I heard Jake gasp and saw him move towards me, assuming he meant to comfort me. I had never been sick to my stomach before... he would know how deeply this one little truth affected me by that reaction.

But I couldn't let him do it. For once in my life I didn't want his comfort. I needed to be away from him... to think, to cry, to just _breathe_ on my own for a little while.

He reached out a shaking hand and was mere inches from my face before I could respond to his actions.

"_Don't _touch me." I said through my teeth as I flinched back slightly.

He sucked in a tight gasp and stopped, his shaking hand frozen in mid air. I could feel myself being drawn to him, feel my skin and my bones betraying my heart and mind and want to reach out to him. My body was begging to go to him, for his heat and comforting touch, begging for him to make this all go away...

"Baby... _please,_" he whispered, his voice tortured and broken, his breaths staggered and rapid.

I shook my head violently and threw myself backward into the door behind me, trying desperately to put some space between us.

"No," I whispered, my voice sounding pained and strangled, even to me. "I need to go... I have to think. I... just please... all of you... if you love me... _just leave me alone_!"

I wrenched the door open behind me and flew outside, gasping for air. I heard my father cry my name and start after me, my mother stopping him and begging him to give me time and let me be... and Jacob...

I heard him fall to his knees, his breath leaving him in a huff as though he had been punched swift and hard in the stomach.

And then I ran.

I ran from them.

I ran from him.

And I ran from _her_ – that sweet, innocent little girl I once was, the one who believed love and life were simple and pure.

Hot tears were pouring down my face in steady streams as I tore through trees and bushes, trying desperately to make it to my destination before anyone could catch up with me. I was headed to the river, and it wasn't too far off. Even with my speed being slower than all of the others I knew I should make it there first. It would take a minute for my parents to get a hold of someone to follow me... and that was all the time I needed to make it there before anyone else. I was suddenly very glad for all of the practice running I had been doing all those months ago to keep up with Jake. It would help me tonight.

My thoughts were erratic and scattered, flashing to and from the images of my mother and Jacob, to images of Jacob and I, and then the sounds and sights that I fled from in the cottage. I was shaking and sobbing, but so angry at my family, my friends in the packs, my parents, and most of all _Jake_ for keeping this from me.

They _loved_ me. They all did... yet none of them felt it necessary to inform me that Jake been _in love_ with my mother before I was born? It was so confusing and to be honest, somewhat vile to think about. I mean, what if I had fallen in love with Billy before he passed away and then began to date Jake? Wouldn't he find that to be repulsive? Wouldn't _I_?

_Why was I the only one to see this?_ I asked myself.

I heard the rush of water in the distance as I neared the river on the border of the Quileute and Cullen lands. It was neutral territory, but I knew that if I was there, physically in the river, most of them wouldn't come in after me to bring me home. And I wanted to make a statement, about who I was and how I felt being torn between these two worlds, wading in the current of their pasts that had come back to haunt me.

I felt a small sense of relief as I jumped, feet first towards the middle of the river. I was in a place where I could sort myself out without interference, and I was grateful for that, at least.

As my feet hit the water I felt something grab and pull at my ankles. I tried to kick it away, not wanting to lose my footing and fall, but to no avail.

I felt my body being pulled under water into the deepest part of the river and then began to thrash wildly as I felt two arms lock around me, securing my arms to my waist.

And that was when I knew that running away from the people I loved, the people that I knew, despite anything else, _loved me_, was the worst mistake of my short life.

The last thing I remembered was looking up and seeing the dark hair, green eyes and triumphant face of my attacker from New Year's Eve, before my head was unceremoniously smashed into a rock and the world faded to black.

**WARNING**: DARK SUBJECT MATTER IS TO BE EXPECTED FROM HERE ON OUT. The PoD is one very disturbed individual. I won't put anymore warnings in author's notes, so just be prepared…

Until next time.

~H


	39. Snow White Queen

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own the PoD's plans for Nessie.**

_Hold on to your hats people, it's going to be a bumpy ride..._

**Chapter 39 – Snow White Queen**

**Chapter Songs : **

**Panic song ~ Green Day (for Jake)**

**Snow White Queen ~ Evanescence (for Nessie and company)**

**RPOV**

_UNGH... it hurts. _My head was pounding and throbbing, pulsating relentlessly. I had experienced pain like this before, the day I was attacked in the forest near Forks. The pain wasn't quite as bad this time as it was the last, but it made me nauseous and desperate for relief none the less. I tried to open my eyes with no luck. I tried furtively to move my arms and legs, but felt like they were dead weights; they didn't respond to my pleas.

Knowing that I was rendered immobile, I tried my best to focus on what was going on around me. I inhaled deeply, and immediately regretted it.

The half-vampire scent that enveloped me was undoubtedly one I was familiar with. Within a matter of seconds the reality of what was happening came crashing down upon me through the pain. It was _his_ scent; that creep from the woods in P.E.I. who attacked me and tried to take me from Jake. He'd been unsuccessful that night and had gotten away. But he succeeded yesterday - because I ran from the people who loved me and swore to protect me – and straight into his trap. They were hiding in the water. They must have travelled in it for quite a while for their scents not to be detectable. And I had run straight toward the best place for them to hide – without protection.

And then my heart sank as I remembered why.

I remembered being at the cottage with Jake and my parents. I saw my father's livid reaction to the fact that Jake and I were engaged and that we had consummated our relationship. I remembered my attempt to explain, the silent conversation between my parents and Jake, and then the final, heart-shattering truth I discovered when I finally attempted to make myself heard...

_Jake had kissed my mother. Jake had been in love with my mother_.

If I could have cried or sobbed at that point I would have. I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest and then threaten to break in two. I felt as though our love had been based on a lie.

_How could he do this to me?_

Murmured and muffled voices brought me back to the present, as I felt my body shift and tilt to the left. I was suddenly aware of the night air, brushing over my body, rushing past me. I was being moved or transported somewhere. Something eerily familiar was creeping up on me from the corner of my mind.

_I've felt this before. I've been here... or done this. I..._

_Oh God. _

_The dreams. _

_The ones I had the first week that we were on the run. _

_OH MY GOD! It's exactly the same!_

My heart went from shattered and broken one second to launching into an all out sprint the next.

_NO! _I screamed in silence. _Oh God, of all the times my father was right... why did __**this**__ have to be one of them? No!_ I screamed at myself in denial, but I just couldn't ignore the truth.

_The dreams were predictions... visions of my future. No, not visions – actual experiences. I had __**been here**__ before, in those dreams. There was no mistaking it. And if those dreams were true..._

I felt my body begin to shake from head to toe in terror. My breathing became rapid and shallow. My heart was in my throat and a cold sweat broke out across my forehead.

_This can't be happening._ _Please, _I pled silently, whispering in the corners of my mind, _please don't let this be real._

I couldn't let myself believe that it was. Because if it was true... _then the other dreams could come true too._

I heard a shuffle from near-by and then a loud thud which echoed around the space I was in. The hard metallic floor beneath me vibrated with the thud, and then shifted slightly as softer thuds indicating footsteps, moved toward me. I inhaled. It was him.

I instantly froze in terror. I had just barely been able to fight him off last time, but this time I couldn't even move! I knew I wouldn't stand a chance against him if he decided to touch me again.

A low and sinister chuckle alerted me to the fact that he was close – about a foot away. I tensed, waiting for the worst, working my brain desperately to try and force my body into action.

"You can't fool me, Sleeping Beauty. I know you're awake," he murmured, his voice slick and dripping with vindictiveness. I felt something caress my cheek lightly and involuntarily shuddered, causing him to cackle once more.

I jerked, finally getting some sort or response out of my body, and squeezed my eyelids before attempting to open them. I barely got them pried apart more than a millimetre before his hand collided with my cheek with a loud slap, causing my head to snap to the left and my eyes to cinch shut once more with the pain and a new, more intense round of throbbing. My cheek stung and burned where he slapped me, adding insult to injury. I heard whimpering and cackling, blending together, while the darkness in my mind threatened to have its way with me again.

Hot breath, _his_ breath, was suddenly on my ear, shallow and rough, as he spoke. His voice was laced with a chilling mixture of malice and excitement.

"You're not going anywhere this time, I can assure you, you little _bitch_. I'm taking you to your _destiny_," he said, mocking me openly with the last word. "Once _he_ has you, then I will get _mine_." My skin crawled when he mentioned the one person I held more contempt for than him... the dark prince who set this elaborate plan for my future into motion.

"Sleep well, princess..." he snarled in disgust just before I felt a second painful whack on the other side of my face and the darkness claimed me once more.

**~~~000~~~**

**JPOV**

She left.

Ran.

_If you love me... just leave me alone! _Her last words haunted me, playing over and over in my mind like the slap in the face that they were.

Her face... her beautiful angelic face... was distorted in a mass of hurt and confusion. Her brown eyes begged me for the denial that I couldn't give her.

She was broken.

_I broke her_.

_I did this_.

My skin was crawling, my stomach churning with self-disgust, which was the least of what I deserved. My head spun, swimming with thoughts of self-hatred and loathing.

_I lied to her._

_Didn't tell her the truth._

_Thought it was for the best... but I was wrong – so wrong._

_She was right._

_How could I have kept this from her?_

My heart sunk, full of regret and remorse.

"Jasper," I heard Edward murmur in the background. He was sending Jasper and Alice after her, to make sure she was safe. They would take care of her until I could get there. I had to find her, console her, apologize...

_She doesn't NEED apologies, you asshole! What she needed was the truth! And you kept it from her!_ The logical half of my mind screamed at me, berating me harshly. And it was true, every word of it.

_You think an APOLOGY is going to fix this? She DOUBTS you - you DECEIVED her! She's not going to believe you now. She's got every right not to believe a fucking word you have to say to her!_

I shuddered and stood on shaky legs.

_I have to go find her. I have to make sure that she's ok. _The other half of my brain answered, the half that was ruled by my heart. The half that had to _do_ something for her – do anything to help her.

_Fine, go._ The logical half sneered back. _But you know she'll want to kick the crap out of you for not leaving her alone like she asked you to - and for being a liar... and an asshole._

And I did know that. But I also knew that I'd let her. I'd let her scream at me, kick me, punch me, pull my hair, call me a thousand names... I'd let her trash me a hundred times if that's what she needed. It was nothing more than I deserved. But I wouldn't stand by and do nothing. She had to know that I would do _anything_, whatever it took, for her to forgive me. I'd beg, plead, cry, and explain what she meant to me every day of my life, for as long as it took, if she would listen. I would do anything and everything she asked. But I would not do _nothing._

I heard a gasp and turned my head robotically toward where it came from to see Edward gripping his phone so hard it began to crack under the pressure. He was impossibly pale, whiter than the whitest leech I had ever seen. And his eyes... I'd seen those eyes before.

Suddenly Bella was frantic, her fingers grabbing at his face atop the marble-statue that was now Edward's body and screaming his name.

I couldn't tear myself away from his eyes... they were the same eyes, the same empty and angry eyes he had the day she was born. The same eyes he had when Bella almost died... they cried out in desperation, begging for forgiveness and a miracle that he wasn't sure would come.

"She's gone." He whispered, his voice foreign and strangled with emotion.

Bella's movements stilled, for a second, her body rigid with terror, and then she began screaming and grabbed the phone from Edward's still frozen hand.

"RUN! JASPER, ALICE! WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM!" She turned toward us with panicked eyes, hair whipping around her head as she glanced back and forth between our frozen forms.

"EDWARD, JACOB, _RUN!_" she screamed at the top of her lungs. She was frantic, and shaking waiting for our response.

There was pain and confusion.

My body was immediately opposed to the idea of running after them. My body was desperate to flee in the opposite direction.

But my heart was being pulled toward her. I felt like I was being ripped in two. I literally vibrated on the spot, with both needs pulling at me, hard. I felt the need to escape and the need to chase the only reason I had for living, and one was not stronger than the other.

_You need to go after her! _My subconscious screamed at me. _FUCKING GOD DAMMIT, JAKE - MOVE!_

I wanted to move. I _needed _to move. My _life_ depended on getting the fuck out of there and getting to her.

But I _**could not**_ move. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make my body chase her. I was frozen in place, at war with myself.

_WHY CAN'T I GO AFTER HER? I CAN'T EVEN PHASE FOR FUCK SAKE'S! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?_

Edward seemed to be having the same sort of confused and fucked up war going on inside of his head, you could see it all over his face.

Bella was near hysterical, shouting at us, calling us every name in the book, _telling us we had no time to waste and to just fucking go!_

And then she stopped.

The silence in the room was deafening.

The world around me seemed to grind to a halt. Ice cold dread crept over me from head to toe, trickling through my veins and flooding my mind, my body, my very soul.

I've failed her.

She's gone.

_Gone_.

The reality of the knowledge that she had been taken from me shot through my brain like a million shards of glass, searing and cutting through my every thought, burying itself in my mind like shrapnel.

It was so real, the feelings of pain and loss so profound, that I screamed through my clenched and locked jaw and shook violently with the need to phase.

I heard Edward's scream echoing my own.

Suddenly a snarl so raw, wild and feral that it shocked me with its very nature, erupted from Bella's throat and in a flash, my body was mine again.

I shook my head in confusion.

_What the fuck just happened?_

"It was a _gift_." She spat her eyes black and her jaw clenched so hard I could hear her teeth grinding under the pressure. "No onecould even _think_ about chasing whoever's got her! But _I_ could. They're a shield! Whoever he sent for her can't be chased, or tracked! They must have been doing this all along!" Bella roared.

_FUCK!_

_She was right! We should have chased those bastards down every time they were around. It never even occurred to us... SHIT!_

_GO! GO! GO!_

I didn't wait to hear the rest of her explanation. I snarled and jumped out of the door, knowing Bella would follow and keep me under her shield as long as she could. I phased as soon as I cleared the doorway and howled so loudly I could probably be heard in the next state.

My mind began to flood with the shocked thoughts of every member of my pack. The howl was a command to phase immediately. Some of them had very close calls, almost phasing in front of strangers or in close proximity to someone human. They all managed to make it just in the nick of time.

None of that mattered in my desolate state - I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but her.

I didn't even give them verbal instructions. I simply forced them to find me and follow me. They were confused. I allowed my mind to fly through today's events until they were caught up.

Pain - _my _pain, the fear, the cold dread... the utter _anguish _I felt at failing and losing her like this - spread through the pack mind like a disease. Howls erupted over the early morning sky like tortured instruments playing at the height of a symphony of agony. A couple of the younger ones crumpled and stumbled to their knees under the weight of it.

I forced them up and off the ground like robots, pulling at the invisible puppet strings I used to make them do my bidding. I shoved the bulk of my emotions as far as I could to the back of my mind and out of my barely beating heart. I was cold - absolutely _frigid - _from her loss. My skin, my muscles and bones, and my heart were frozen, like they had seized into a massive block of ice.

I was one step away from death. If anything were to happen to her, I would be done. I knew that as sure as I knew my own name. Her demise would be mine as well. My mind and heart had one function in life – I lived for her. If she no longer existed, _I would be obliterated_, _shattered, an empty shell._

I went on autopilot.

I had one goal, one purpose.

_Find her._

I gave one command to my pack. The alpha tone in my voice rang through strong and true.

_We __**will not stop**__ until we find her._

And I _would_ find her. I had to. I wanted and needed nothing on this earth without her.

Without her I was as good as dead.

**~~~000~~~**

**RPOV**

I didn't know how much time had passed before I woke up with yet another throbbing headache. I rolled over on the cold, hard ground and groaned. I shivered from head to toe. I was cold to my core. It felt like I had ice injected into my veins. I wrapped my arms around my torso, vaguely registering the fact that my hoodie was missing, and rubbed them up and down my sides hoping the friction would help warm me up. It didn't. I should have known it wouldn't. I left the warmth back in Forks... with him.

I shuddered and closed my mind off to thoughts about Jake. It hurt too much to think about him right now. I still couldn't make any sense of it, and I didn't have the energy to try and figure it out at that point.

I opened my eyes, wanting to see where I was. I blinked. It was black. Pitch black. And cold. So cold and damp, it seeped through my bones and made me shiver again. I inhaled. I could smell rock and dirt... I was lying on dirt... and _oh God no..._ _the rusty metallic scent of old, dried blood_ lightly scented the air around me_. _I didn't know how long I had travelled to get to this place, but I felt like I hadn't eaten in days and even the repugnant scent of the old, dried blood was making my throat tickle.

I was on my feet in a flash. I flew forward, crashing into the stone wall with a thwack and leaning against it in defeat. With shaking hands I began to walk, slowly, one foot in front of the other, feeling my way around the wall until I reached the end... and the seamless connection to another.

_No._

A small sob ripped through my chest. I felt drained as any hope that I had left seeped out of me and my chest deflated like a balloon, constricting, making it harder to breathe.

_One. Two. Th-three. _

_No._

_Four walls. No seams. _

I sank to the floor, knowing exactly where I was and worst of all, what was coming next. I was painfully aware that my second nightmare - or _vision_ as I should probably call it now - was coming to life. I hugged my knees to my chest and lowered my forehead to them, rocking and shaking uncontrollably.

I don't know how long I waited there. With no light and no other sounds than the shifting of the dirt floor under me as I rocked and my own random whimpers, there was no way to mark the passage of time.

I prayed that my family would come looking for me. I tried to steel myself against thoughts of the sickening temptation that was coming my way. I refused to think that I would _feed_ off of whoever they were going to drop onto the floor. I wouldn't. I'd sooner starve.

And I _could _resist. I knew if I held my breath for long periods of time and maybe tried to cover or close that bleeding person's wounds I _could _resist. I just had to stop the flow of fresh blood.

I chanced a glance at the small, round ventilation grate in the ceiling. In my dream that was where the body had been dropped from. It was so dark, I couldn't make out any seams or breaks in the concrete. But there had to be. If I could get in, and another... _body_ could get in... there had to be an opening somewhere. I could make out basic shapes, the general dimensions of the space... but no details. There just wasn't enough light.

I stared intently at the small grate. Sooner or later it was going to happen. They were going to toss a bleeding body down in here with me, but unlike my dream, this time I would be prepared. I sat still on the cold dirt floor and fixed my eyes on that spot, barely blinking, determined to catch a glimpse of the opening when they lifted the concrete to get that body inside.

I didn't have to wait long. Within what felt like mere minutes, I heard the scraping sound of cement being shifted to the side. I flew to my feet and stretched to get as close a glimpse of it as possible. I made sure to hold my breath so as not to be distracted by the smell of blood.

The opening was small, only about two feet by two feet square, with the air vent in the middle, and it was pitch black on the other side as well. The room was easily fifteen feet tall from floor to ceiling. I groaned inwardly as I realized that even if I could find the opening there was nothing in this room for me to stand on, nothing to help me get the leverage I needed to push the block of cement up and aside. They would surely have made it heavy enough for me not to be able to jump and just push it out of the way.

I felt the heat of the bleeding body before anything else. I closed my eyes and listened intently to what was going on outside of the little cement cell I was being held in. There was one very light set of shuffling feet, one breath in and out and – _damn it_ – no fluttering heartbeat. It was a full blooded vampire out there.

I felt my lungs begin to scream for air, just as the sickening thud indicating that the body had fallen to the floor reverberated around the room. I had been holding my breath for quite a while, and I needed to breathe. I knew I would have to sooner or later, but I was dreading it all the same. I wanted to hold off longer, telling myself that it was best to hold out as long as I could, but my body screamed at me to just do it already. The impact would be the same, either way.

Against my better judgement, I inhaled. The scent and heat of fresh flowing blood assaulted my senses, filling my mind, and like a switch, triggered my instincts. I snarled under my breath and warred with my inner vampire to back the hell off, because, starving or not, I was NOT going to drink from this broken and fragile, sweet and familiar smelling –

_Wait! Familiar? How is this scent familiar? Where have I smelt this blood before?_

I inhaled again, trying very hard not to focus on the saliva pooling in my mouth, and fought against the instinct to coil and spring at the fresh 'meal' sent in by my captors. As I inhaled my mind travelled back to Alaska, and a sweet friend with a fondness for short skirts and tight tops. It was lightly laced with something sweet... foreign. But there was no mistaking who this was.

I gasped, flying over to the broken mass of skin and bones in front of me and kneeling down beside it. I was shaking violently as tears began to roll out of the corner of my eyes. I reached out and touched her warm body, as she groaned and tried to roll away.

I sucked in a ragged breath. My chest was so tight with anxiety that it physically hurt to try and force the air into my lungs. I felt a small sob work its way up and break free from my throat just before I whispered her name...

"Amber?"

She flinched and groaned, trying once again, to roll away from me. She was shaking from head to toe. She must have been terrified. My mind worked over time trying to figure out what was going on.

_How did she get here? How badly was she hurt? Who did this to her? How? Why?_

I reached out with a shaking hand and found her head. I sobbed quietly while stroking her hair, telling her that it was ok, that it was me, I was here and I was going to try and help her.

She whimpered and began to cry. I picked her up and pulled her toward me, placing her head in my lap.

"Amber, where does it hurt?" I asked, not wanting to waste any more time before trying to tend to her injuries. I could still smell the fresh blood flowing from her, and her body temperature was beginning to drop. I knew that if I didn't do something soon... it would be too late. I chocked on the guilt-filled, gut wrenching sob that threatened to escape me as I thought about losing my friend. It was _my fault_ that she was there, broken and bleeding. There was no way this was a coincidence.

"Can you talk? Amber, please, I want to help you. Can I check you to see where you're hurt?" I knew exactly where the blood flow was coming from. My senses were wild with want, directing me straight to her lower abdomen. There was a large open wound there, I was sure of it. But I didn't want to risk putting pressure on it if she had other problems that I could make worse by putting too much pressure there. She was gaunt, so thin and frail, she looked like she might break in two at any moment. She was almost physically unrecognisable. If it wasn't for her scent, I might never have known who she was.

I had no idea how my grandfather did this all the time. I was desperate to help my friend, needing to make sure that she would be ok, but there were so many things that could go wrong. I was petrified to make a mistake and end up hurting her even more... or _worse._

Suddenly, she shuddered and groaned loudly before uttering softly under her breath.

"My ba..." She didn't or couldn't finish.

I heard her heart rate slow and quickly lowered her head to the dirt floor before rushing to place pressure on the open wound.

I felt my entire body tense as I got closer to it, and the almost irresistible urge to drink as my throat constricted and became as dry and hot as the Sahara, burning with thirst. I locked my jaw, held my breath and turned my face away as I pressed my hands against the hot, warm and open wound. Revulsion warred with ecstasy and want as I felt her warm, sticky blood begin to coat my hands. She was bleeding profusely.

Her groans ceased, her heart rate slowed again, and her body fell limp.

I shuddered, almost convulsing with the unprecedented and powerful combination of desires that were coursing through me. My thoughts reflected the war going on in my head as my friend lay motionless on the floor, her broken body beneath my hands, slowly fading away.

_She's dying. There's too much blood. There's no way I can save her._ The friend in me said, guiltily admitting the horrible truth.

_So DRINK._ The monster in my mind commanded. _There's no way to save her. FEED yourself or you will die in this godforsaken hole too._

I shuddered again and began shaking my head violently.

_SHUT UP!_ I screamed at the monster. _I will not desecrate her that way! She is my friend and she is dying! I am not a monster! I will not FEED on another person. And if I starve because of it, then at least I will die knowing that I never, EVER harmed another person for my own benefit. _

The monster laughed at me and uttered cynically;

_We'll see about that._

I growled in frustration and then gasped as I heard her heart begin to thump slowly and erratically in her chest.

"No." I whispered and froze on the spot, listening intently to the last few seconds of my friend's life, her heart failing while I was at a loss to do anything to stop it.

Thump... Thump ... Thump ... Thump ... Thump...

And then the screaming started. I felt the first scream, raw and violent, ripping through my throat, as I realized that she was gone and _I_ was the one to blame.

Worst of all, the burn and desire to drink had yet to fade away... I was disgusted with myself.

I screamed until my breath ran out and then felt my body fold in on itself, wracked with pain and overwhelming guilt. My hands were still covering her wound, and my body was in a ball, legs folded under me, forehead to the floor beside her.

I drew in a ragged breath and screamed again, as tears of anguish, guilt and terror began flowing freely down my face.

I screamed and screamed and screamed until my throat ran dry and my vocal chords were swollen and raw. The garbled and broken screams continued, I couldn't force them to stop. I didn't want to stop. I felt disconnected, from myself. My mind was foreign and dark and my thoughts were wheeling around violently.

_She's dead, BECAUSE OF ME!_

_I'm sorry._

_I am a monster._

_I should have been there to protect her, to keep her from getting taken and tossed into my world._

_SELFISH! YOU RAN! YOU LEFT THEM ALL VULNERABLE TO SAVE YOURSELF!_

_Who else? How many people that I cared about or knew were hurt?_

_THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_

_MONSTER!_

The thoughts raced and tumbled through my head over and over as I screamed and cried and lost any sense of the world around me.

"Don't scream, my love." I heard whispered in the dark.

I jumped up, and skittered across the floor to the wall opposite the voice.

A chuckle, low and amused, erupted from across the room.

"Why, Renesmee," my name slithered off of his tongue, making me shiver, repulsed. "Where do you think you're going? There is nowhere to run, my darling."

I pressed myself into the wall, flattening myself against it, far away from the now slowly approaching creature across the room. I listened carefully, my eyes wildly and frantically searching the spot I heard the voice coming from, trying desperately to make out the features of the vampire that had hunted me for months.

I knew, from his scent and the lack of a heartbeat, that he was indeed a full blooded vampire. I shook and tensed, knowing that he was stronger, and faster than me. I wouldn't be able to win if I had to fight against him. But I wouldn't go down without a fight.

He chuckled again and made his way slowly across the floor, stepping over Amber's broken body, ignoring it as if it were trash in the street and approached me.

He was tall, almost as tall as Jake, and thin, but muscular under his black fitted t-shirt and low slung black jeans. His skin was dark, and his small eyes were a bright, ruby red. His dark hair flowed down over his shoulders, wafting slightly in the air as he closed the gap between us. His cheekbones were sharp, his nose short and slightly flattened, and his lips were thin and curled to one side in a smirk.

I hissed and felt myself drop into crouch as he got closer.

"I see you're still wearing that dog's tag." He spat and motioned toward my engagement ring. All of a sudden, it weighed a ton, as chilling fear and desperation ripped through my heart.

_Jake. Oh God... I'll never see him again. _

_Jake... _I whispered to myself... _I... I love you. _Despite everything that had happened, all I discovered about the past, I knew nothing would change that. I was infuriated with him, he had broken my trust, betrayed my confidence in him. But I loved him. I knew I always would.

I growled as his hand flashed forward toward my hand, presumably to take it off. Without realizing I had commanded it to, my arm flew up and batted his cold and hard one away with a loud smack.

He sneered and snarled lightly under his breath.

"Now, my love, that wasn't smart." He slithered closer, causing me to straighten against the wall. He towered over me, leaving mere inches separating our bodies as he leaned in and breathed into my ear. A finger from his right hand found my shoulder and began running lightly down my arm as he spoke.

"You belong to _me_, my snow white queen." He whispered with an air of authority that was clearly not to be argued with. I shuddered violently and shuffled quickly to my right and away from him as quickly as possible.

He snarled again, loudly this time, and made his way to stand in front of me. His hands were now gripping my shoulders tightly, his breath fast and rough as he forced me back against the wall and trapped me in his grip.

I felt another scream bubble up in my throat as he closed the gap between us and pressed his cold body up against mine. My mouth dropped open but nothing came out.

"Shhhhhh," he drawled softly. "Don't scream any more, my love... I don't want to hurt you. But make no mistake. I _do _want you. And you _are_ mine."

I whimpered and brought my hands up to his chest to push him away. He planted his feet, and rested even more weight on me. I drew a knee up sharply and aimed for the one part of his body that I might be able to hurt if I hit it hard enough.

I felt my knee hit him roughly in the groin and knew without a doubt that I had hit hard enough to hurt him and me both. I would definitely be bruised, if not worse.

He grunted and pulled back, and finally I found my voice.

It was rough, broken and ragged from all of the screaming.

"You don't love me," I said, my ragged voice laced with hatred and venom and then spat at his feet.

"You don't even know me. You're a twisted and sick _fuck!" _I shouted and glanced over at my dead friend, knowing he was responsible for her gruesome death and probably so many more.

He snarled and sauntered the three steps back to me with a gleam in his eye, exposing an emotion I couldn't quite place.

"I know you think you're better than me," he whispered, his voice sickly sweet, "but we're more alike than you think. You think I killed her maliciously... but I didn't. She came here willingly, wanting nothing more than to give us the new born life our family needs to be strong. She may not have known how much she had to sacrifice for her child... most of our mothers don't, but they are martyrs for our cause, and love the fathers of their children greatly."

I shook my head as he paused, taking in my reaction. Amber had mentioned something about a new boyfriend when I talked to her... he was older, an outsider, mysterious.

_Oh. Oh No. NO! He was a vampire... and she... she... right before she died... she said 'my ba-'..._

_Was she trying to say 'my baby'? _I was suddenly sure that she was.

I felt my body bow at the waist and convulse, retching up stomach acid.

_Amber was seduced by and had a baby with a vampire... and that wound, it was from... _

_Oh. My. God._

_What the hell goes on here? Why am _I_ here? The creep who attacked me in the woods told me he wanted me to make his family strong... is this what he meant? He wanted to... __**breed**__ with me?_

I wretched again, and my knees gave out. I folded in on myself, unable to stay defensive because I was completely overcome with disgust and fear at the reality of what this man wanted from me.

"_Why?_" I whispered pathetically. "Why her? Why me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He drew in a deep breath and crouched over my still crumpled form.

He answered automatically and with confidence as though he was reciting for an oral exam, and knowing that he had the correct and most logical answer.

"Her, because she knew you and knew about you. The father of her child found her to be more attractive than the mousy, brown-haired girl you hung around with so much." He shrugged with indifference as I sighed a small sigh of relief for my friend Shari's safety. At least I didn't have to worry about her... for now.

"And you, my love," he breathed as he closed the distance between us and gripped my chin so he could bring my face up to look at his. "You, because you are beautiful and _very _talented. Your gift, and the gift your offspring could have, especially when combined with my talent, would make us essentially... _unstoppable_." His eyes gleamed with excitement as he spoke about breeding with me for my gift and combining our talents. I shuddered.

"I have a gift for knowing what people _fear_ most. Within a hundred feet of any creature I could tell you what would make their skin crawl, make them beg or cry out for mercy. What they would do _anything_ for..." he whispered and raised his eyebrows at me.

My brows furrowed in concentration trying to take in what that meant. He had this talent, and mine was being able to transfer my thoughts into someone else's mind. If they were combined...

I gasped in shock. The results would be unthinkably powerful. A creature who could sense another's fears and then plant thoughts, torturous thoughts, about people's worst fears coming true directly into their mind. They would... in essence... be unstoppable. No one would be able to resist giving them what they wanted.

I growled and shook my head in anger. I couldn't believe what he was asking of me! He wanted to create this... this creature, a _child_ with me, so that he could use its gift for what... world domination?

I flew back against the wall and began searching the room for something, anything to help me fight him off. I couldn't let him anywhere near me. This couldn't happen. I wouldn't let it. I'd rather die than create his vision of a perfect future, with him as a dark king, me as a dark queen and small prince or princess of destruction creating a powerful and evil empire at his command.

He chuckled and rose to his feet, tossing some sort of fabric that was resting in the corner nearest to him at my feet.

"Relax, my love. It was easier to get hold of you than planned. Your body won't be ready to _reproduce_ until you've reached full maturity. We've got months for you to come around to seeing things my way. Until then, there is a change of clothing for you. And we'll toss another 'meal' down to you as soon as she's ready. You know..." he cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, "you should try to drink. It's natural. You'll like it. The other half-vampires here do it all the time. And I'm sure that once you do... you'll come around to see things my way."

I growled and shook my head violently as he laughed and looked pointedly up at the ventilation grate he was still standing under. Without another word the grate slid open and he jumped up and hoisted himself through it, before it was slammed shut and he was gone.

I collapsed in heap in the corner of the room. I couldn't find it in me to cry, my tears had long-since run out. I shivered and rocked myself as I thought about everything that he had said.

He was going to mate with me... and I knew he would, whether I wanted to or not.

He wanted me to provide him with a child that would ensure him absolute power over anyone else.

He was going to keep me down here for months, until my body was ready for him, and try to convince me to see things his way.

He wanted me to drink blood, because I would like it and he thought I would come around to see things '_his way'_ if I did. He wanted to break me, and turn me into a savage monster... like him.

I felt my resolve thicken and my hands curl into fists the more I thought about it, coming to only one conclusion.

_I would not create a child with him. I would not give him what he wanted. I would resist. I would not drink... and eventually... I would die. He had his twisted little game all figured out... but he underestimated his key player._

_**I would win. **_

For those of you who are wondering if the PoD is as nasty as he sounds, the answer is yes. This is only the beginning.

Thanks for reading.

~H


	40. One Hundred Forty Seven Hours

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a painful separation for Jake and Nessie.**

**Chapter 40 – One Hundred Forty Seven Hours**

**Chapter songs: **

**Nothingman ~ Pearl Jam (JPOV)**

**In the End ~ Linkin Park (RPOV)**

****This chapter covers what is going on at exactly one hundred forty seven hours after Nessie had gone missing. Both POV's are happening at the same time.****

Once divided...nothing left to subtract...  
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...  
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...  
Future's above...but in the past he's slow and sinking...  
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...  
Nothing man...  
Nothing man...  
Isn't it something?  
Nothing man...  
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...  
One day she stiffened...took the other side...  
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...  
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...  
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...  
Nothing man...  
Nothing man...  
Isn't it something?  
Nothing man...  
Oh, she don't want him...  
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...  
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...  
Burn...burn...  
Nothing man...  
Nothing man...  
Isn't it something?  
Nothing man...  
Nothing man...  
Coulda' been something...  
Nothing man...  
Oh...ohh...ohh...

_Nothingman ~ Pearl Jam_

**JPOV**

"Jacob?"

I huffed. Glanced to the side. Edward was standing there. He looked apologetic. He looked tired, ragged. Clothes were dirty, torn. He was holding something out to me.

Food.

I ignored it - him. Paced. Kept pacing. Waiting for them to finish. Ready to keep moving.

My tail twitched. Body tensed. Hackles were up.

There was laughter from a few feet away. They were supposed to eat - not laugh. No time.

I snarled. Loudly. They shut up - ate.

I paced. Kept pacing. Ready to move north. The cold snow melted beneath my paws as I walked the same path again and again.

Ten steps one way, back ten the other way. When I saw ground, we would move again. It had been too long. We needed to move, keep moving.

Edward gently dropped the animal, left it for me, walked away.

I huffed. Paced. Kept pacing.

It had been almost a week. Six days and three hours. One hundred forty seven hours.

_**Gone.**_

I sucked in a ragged breath. _**Pain.**_ _My frozen heart doesn't want to beat._

I shivered. _**Cold.**__ Empty body - no soul to keep it warm._

I faltered, stumbled. _**Weak**__. I am hollow, void - nothing. _

I planted my feet. _**Determined.**_ _I will find her._

"Jake?" I sighed, rolled my eyes.

Bella stood next to the deer carcass. She sounded tired, ragged - like Edward.

I huffed. Paced. Kept pacing.

I looked at the ground. I couldn't look at her. Hadn't looked at her for days. Six days. One hundred forty seven hours.

"Jake... you need to eat." Bella said, and approached, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I yanked it away, snarled.

Edward was back. Standing next to Bella. Her face crumpled, upset.

"She's right," he said quietly, "you need to eat. Keep your strength up so we can find her."

_Because she's gone_.

**Pain. **

**Cold. **

**Empty. **

**Weak. **

**Nothing.**

I growled, turned away.

I huffed. Paced. Kept pacing.

"Jacob," Bella said, her tone was angry, pleading. "We need your help to find her. You need to _eat._ She would want you to eat!"

I tensed, planted my feet, bared my teeth.

_Has SHE eaten? _It came out as a growl.

Bella flinched, her feet stepped back. I looked at the ground. Couldn't look at her. She looked at Edward. He translated.

"Oh, Jake I-" her breath caught, she paused, sounding pained. "I-"

_Exactly._ I snarled, and kept pacing. In her nightmares she was starving, and avoiding drinking blood.

_How can I eat? What if she's starving?_

I cringed at the memories of her nightmares, trying to push them out of my mind. But her thoughts of them haunted me... plagued me... I couldn't sleep. They were all I saw... the room, the dark, the blood, the horror, the feeling of her burning, suffering, scared – in _pain_...

I shuddered, shook my head. Paced. Kept pacing.

"Jacob, please" Edward said quietly, cautiously, "we don't know the answer to that. But we do know that she would want you to take care of yourself. Please. Eat something – anything. Just enough to keep up your strength, as Bella said. We have a long run ahead of us... please try."

_I'll eat when I know she's being fed._ I growled under my breath.

Edward sighed, shook his head at Bella. He left, wandered off to the other Cullens, getting ready to leave.

Bella sighed, sat in the snow.

"It's not all your fault, Jake," she whispered.

I snarled in denial.

"We all hid this. We all hurt her. You have to stop punishing yourself." She sniffed, crying a small tearless sob.

I shook my head, felt it droop and hang low to the ground.

Not true. It WAS my fault. _I_ was the one who pushed my stupid fucking luck all those years ago. _I_ was the one who couldn't let it go. I was young – stubborn. I was so _sure_ I was right. I threatened Bella, told her I would kill myself to make her kiss me. It was wrong - so fucked up. But I did it, and Bella believed me.

I pushed. Bella caved. She knew it was wrong, that things weren't meant to be that way. I made her feel guilty and she gave in. I lied to Bella, manipulated her to get what I wanted. I should never have done it. I should have listened to Bella because she _knew - _and she was trying to tell me_... FUCK._

And then I lied - to protect _her_ from my mistake. She believed me, my half story, half truth, because she believed everything I told her, because I had _never_ lied to her. Every story I ever had to tell was the truth, except for the one that mattered most. And when she found out the truth, she knew I had deceived her – betrayed her trust. And she ran – because of me.

Straight into the arms of the devil himself.

_And now she's gone, and she's suffering, and it's __**my**__ fault. _

**Pain. **

**Cold. **

**Empty. **

**Weak. **

**Nothing.**

I sunk down, belly to the snow, whining – pathetic. The weight of her absence was immense. It crushed me and dragged me to the ground.

I'd do anything – _anything _-to go back to that day on that mountaintop, to change things, to never have made that threat, to take it back... but I can't. I spoke the words and did the things that ended up breaking her, and I couldn't take them back.

Bella rose from her spot on the snow, was at my side in a flash, blowing snow up behind her as she ran.

She hugged me, whispered to me.

"She loves you. She'll forgive you – us. Please, _please..._ stop doing this to yourself. She needs you. Please, Jake..."

Her words cut, left me bleeding.

_She loves you... she'll forgive you... she needs you._

I shook my head.

I hurt her.

I broke her.

I failed her.

She came into my life, like a bolt of lightning brightening, burning, bright and beautiful... and she was mine. She agreed to be my future and have me as hers. And then my past, my biggest miscalculation, the greatest and worst fucking misjudgement I ever made, reared its ugly fucking head at the worst possible time - and I lost my grip on her.

She ran from me.

Because I hurt her.

It didn't matter if I did it on purpose or not.

She was hurting - I caused it.

I didn't deserve sympathy.

I was up on my feet in an instant.

Bella stood hunched in the snow where she had been hugging me, offering consolation that I couldn't accept.

I didn't look at her. Couldn't look. How many ways had I hurt everyone she loved with that one action that day? It was a cheap and feeble last minute attempt to force something I knew wasn't going to happen...

"Jake..." she whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. I shook my head, tried to focus, get my head out of the past.

I shook out my fur. Got it together.

It was time to move.

_Pack it up - now, _I commanded. _Leah, Seth, you're with me, up front with Edward, Carlisle, Garrett, Emmett and Rosalie. _

_Embry, Quil, you hang back with Nate, Austen, Liam and Dylan. We're running for the next twenty hours or so, straight. If they need to rest, stay with them. The rest of us will keep moving. One of you two should stay awake at all times. Holler at the first sign of trouble. Don`t overlook or underestimate anything, and I mean __**anything**__ – got it?_

They all mumbled yes and split up into their respective groups. Leah and Seth jogged up on my flanks, Leah on my right, Seth on my left.

_Jake, did you eat anything?_ Leah asked warily.

_Shut up and mind your own business, Leah._ I snapped and took off in the direction we were headed.

Right before we returned to Forks the Cullen's found out about Amber's disappearance. The Denali's caught it on the local news; Tanya remembered Nessie mentioning Amber in a conversation once. Carlisle and Esme had already returned from Europe, having turned up nothing, and headed off to investigate. We were following a lead from Garrett, Kate's mate, who said he caught a scent and followed it halfway into the Northwest Territories the same day that Amber was reported missing. Unfortunately she was m.i.a. for a couple of weeks before that. Her mom reported that she had begun seeing someone new and was surprisingly pregnant, so she moved out to be with him. Two weeks after she moved out she stopped calling her mom. A few days after that, her mom drove out to see her, where she said she was staying. The apartment was empty – so her mom called the police.

Carlisle was able to verify that the scent Garrett caught was the same scent of the vampire who had been in La Push – the murderous scum of the earth that killed my father, and attacked Nessie – the one that had been snooping around in Alaska before we left. They began tracking it, following it's scent. As soon as we realized we had nothing but dead ends around Forks and La Push the day Nessie was taken, we drove up to meet them in Alaska, and were tracking them from there. There was no possible way this was coincidence. And if we got to that bastard, we'd get to the asshole that had _her_. We had been following it's scent for days, lost it once, near the border of Saskatchewan, and then spread out and picked it up again. They seemed to be headed all over the place, taking us on a wild goose chase, but we had to follow that trail, we had no fucking choice. It was all we had to go on. We were all aware that it could be a set up, a trap, but with nothi-

_Jake! _Leah snapped, dragging me out my thoughts. _This is crazy! You have to eat._

_Leah, I said shut the fu- _

_NO! _She cut me off, _YOU shut up you selfish asshole! _She was bitter and angry and practically spitting nails.

_Leah... _I growled, the alpha tone lightly underlying my warning.

_Oh what, now you're going to go all macho alpha-male on me? Screw you Jacob! We're all out here, running with you, working with little to no sleep, barely taking time for a meal or two of our own... and you're here pouting and moaning and __**starving **__yourself. Do you have any idea what it's like for us to barely get enough of our own food and then have to deal with your hunger pains in the back of all of our minds?_

I snarled at her. It was a quiet warning to back the hell off. I was in no mood to argue. I kept running, hoping she'd get the fucking point and let it go - but if she kept pushing my buttons I _would_ put her in her place.

_My PLACE? MY PLACE? Are you fucking KIDDING me with that Jacob?_ Her voice was dripping with disgust and reproach. _My PLACE, Jacob Black, is here, on your right hand side and my JOB is to remind you when you're getting off track and to kick your ASS into seeing reason again. You're throwing us all off our game Jake. You compromise yourself... you compromise us. When our leader is weak, the pack is weak. Maybe I'M not the one who needs to be reminded of their PLACE, chief. _She hurled at me, spitting the last word out like an expletive.

I growled and turned on her, knocking her over on the ground in half a second, pinning her to the snow. We were nose to nose and breathing hard. I held her firmly to the ground and snarled at her.

_DON'T fuck with me, Leah! I know what I'm doing. So just shut up and stop wasting my time... or YOU'LL be on babysitting duty for the rest of the day and Quil can join me up here._

She snarled and cocked her head at me, her face drawn up in what would have been a sneer in human form, her grey fur standing on end.

_Oh yeah... well how's this for fucking with you, Jake? _ She growled and rolled on me in a flash, pinning me to the snow covered ground.

I growled back and lifted my shoulders off the ground, and then huffed in surprise as I realized that I couldn't get her off of me. She was smaller than me, and weaker... or at least she should have been.

_Like I was saying, _she said forcefully, shoving me back into the snow, _when our leader is weak, we are weak. How are you planning to save her like this, Jake? If we had to fight now, you'd get your ass kicked and we would LOSE. You're no good to her like this. You're failing her, Jake. She needs you to be strong. So get your shit together, go kill and eat a fucking deer or two and catch up with us when you're done. Or so help me God I WILL KICK YOUR ASS for failing to my niece back safely!_

She shoved against my shoulders again with her paws – hard - before pushing off and standing a few feet away, panting out angry breaths and glaring at me.

I lay there for a few seconds, feeling like more of an asshole than I did before. And then I got angry... really angry. Not with Leah, but with myself. Because she was right. I was weak, and putting my own pain ahead of my pack and – most importantly – ahead of _her_ safety. I wasn't going to be able to fight for her if I was this weak.

_FUCK._

I shoved myself off the ground and glanced at Leah. She said nothing, and thought nothing but two words – _FOOD. NOW._

I nodded and headed off to the east a bit, where I could smell something wafting through the air. Within minutes I found a small herd of caribou. I lunged at the biggest one, snapped it's neck easily between my teeth and tore into it quickly. I ate. I didn't taste, didn't think about how it felt to fill my empty stomach, just ate mechanically until it was done.

I felt my strength return to what it should be after the second animal, a small bison. My limbs felt steadier, my muscles more responsive. My head was a little clearer. When I knew I was done I heard Leah tell me where the rest of them were at and raced at top speed to join them again.

I would not fail her again.

We would find her.

_I _would find her, and fight for her, and make her safe again.

I'd fight the pain. I'd fight the cold. I wouldn't be weak.

I'd run, I'd chase, I'd fight.

Because I'm nothing until I find her.

**~~~000~~~**

**RPOV**

"_Ness," he whispered to me through the blackness. His deep, soft voice was like the sweetest song, music to my ears. I could float in the warmth and comfort of the sound of his voice for days. I wanted to wrap myself up in it, and sleep in it like a blanket._

"_Jake..." I whispered and looked up to see him standing across from me in the darkness. He was hazy, like I was looking at him through some sort of fog. His face was crumpled in pain. Even through the haze his dark eyes seemed to reflect horror and regret. His hand reached for me as I lay motionless on the floor, paralyzed with the relief of seeing him there in front of me._

"_Baby," he whispered making his way to me, crouching over me, his voice cracking with desperation, "I'm so sorry. Stay with me... please," he begged._

_I felt my heart squeeze and rip in my chest, fracturing in pain as I remembered running from him, my own personal angel – and straight into hell. How could I have been so stupid, so careless? But he was here. It was all over. I knew that if anyone could, he would be the one to get me out of this godforsaken place. _

_I looked up at his face through the fog. He was crying, his face tear stained, his eyes red and swollen. I felt his heat, his soothing warmth rush over me like a tidal wave. I was hot, deliciously hot, simply scorching for the first time in so, so long._

_I felt his presence begin to fade behind the fog, the blackness began to close in on him right before my eyes. _

"_Nessie, NO! NO BABY, PLEASE!" he shouted desperately._

"_Jake..." I begged in a whisper, "help me. Please..." I whimpered outwardly, my voice floating away from me in the dark, "please help me." I was fighting the black, trying to see through the fog... but it was too much. I couldn't find him. And I was so tired... too tired._

_He faded into the darkness. It was black again, and cold. I felt my hopes drop to the soles of my feet and shatter, breaking away, pulverized... gone._

"Jake..." I whispered and shuddered.

I opened my eyes once again to see nothing but the grey stone carved wall of my would-be tomb in front of me. I inhaled deeply, and tried to shake off the feeling of emptiness my overactive imagination left me with, as I began to lift my arms over my head to stretch. My arms barely made it up an inch before my throat slammed shut, the walls of it rough and dry, scorched with thirst. My mouth instantly filled with saliva and my body flew up and into a hunting crouch, spinning around to face the centre of the room.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuunnn," the body moaned. She was lying in the middle of the floor, in the same place Amber had died - the same place four others had died after her.

I felt my body sway, dizzy with thirst and desire, overcome by hunger. My hands curled into fists, my nails like claws digging into the skin of my palms. A growl, low and continuous rumbled through my chest, shook my tired and empty form, rattling through my ribs.

_I will NOT feed. I will NOT kill. I will NOT let him win, _I chanted internally.

This was my mantra, my saving grace. This was the sixth body they attempted to feed to me, and each time the struggle to abstain became more and more difficult. I was starved and parched, having not had a bite of food or a drop of water since I was taken from my family.

I shook my head to clear it and continued to repeat my mantra as I walked slowly and mechanically over to the broken person in the middle of the room. _I will NOT feed. I will NOT kill. I will NOT let him win_ . Just like all the others, she had a gaping wound across her abdomen. Another of my kind had made it into the world, and this woman was the martyr who made it happen.

I felt my body begin to quake with desire as I got close enough to her body to bathe in its heat. I swallowed back mouthful after mouthful of saliva as I kneeled next to her and tried desperately to soothe her. My voice was low and shaky, my words almost strangled as I struggled not to pull in any more of the fragrant air than I had to. I gave up trying to heal their wounds after the third one. Short of injecting them with venom like my father had done for my mother, there was no saving someone in this state.

_I will NOT feed. I will NOT kill. I will NOT let him win_, I chanted as I fought with my inner demons. Her heart rate was erratic and slowing. I thanked God for the fact that she was quiet, only emitting tortured moans and whimpers under her breath. The last woman screamed and howled in terror and pain, making me sob and shake in anxiety. Guilt and frustration seared through me like the blade of a knife every time she shrieked in pain. I didn't think I could handle another one of those today. It took everything out of me, left me sobbing and shaking on the floor next to her for hours after she was gone.

I looked up to take this woman in. She was young, probably still in her teens, my age maybe. She was petite with short black hair and fine features. She was probably pretty, as the rest of them would have been, if they weren't severely underweight and suffering from the lethal effects of breeding with a vampire. She reminded me of my Aunt Alice.

The last woman had been tall, blonde and beautiful, reminding me of my Aunt Rosalie. The one before was reminiscent of my grandmother Esme. The first two were reminders of my cousins for all intents and purposes, Tanya and Kate. I knew this was no coincidence. This was purposeful. A constant subtle reminder that my refusal to comply and accept my fate was a danger to those I loved. I dreaded the next one. I knew it would be the hardest yet. I tried to prepare myself, calling on my very first memories, what I saw coming into this world. But I doubted that would be enough. I just hoped, prayed and begged God that I would be strong enough; that I would make it through tomorrow without giving in and drinking from someone that looked eerily like my mother after just having given birth to someone like me. It would kill me.

As I did for the last five days when a look-a-like was dropped on me, broken and bleeding, I began thinking of my family. As the woman in front of me shuddered out her last breaths, moaning and keening gently in her world of pain, I shuddered with my own lesser pain.

I had so much time to think... to run every memory, every feeling I had ever had over and over in my mind. There was nothing else to do in the dark. The silence and the darkness were maddening. I replayed my short life over and over in mind's eye, trying to prevent myself from slowly going insane. I had to do something. I knew that this was all part of _his_ plan. He hadn't been back to see me since my first day here. No one had. The only movement or stimulation of any kind came in the form of broken and bleeding bodies being tossed down to me. It was a smart plan, very well thought out. How else would you break someone who was stubbornly refusing to ingest a substance that they should, by all rights, be addicted to? By isolating me, and making sure I experienced complete sensory deprivation, the stimulation my body would feel from the heat and scents of the bleeding women tossed into my cave would be exponentially harder to resist. So I made a plan, and decided to spend every waking moment that I had running through my every thought, feeling and memory to keep myself aware. I spent extra time on the good ones, focused on the positive, trying to remind myself of _why _I was better than a murderous monster.

For the first few days I focused only on happy memories, thoughts of my short childhood. I read with my mother in her lap, ran with my father through the trees surrounding the cottage, played board games with Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper, did fashion shows with Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie, and played the guitar for grandpa Carlisle and grandma Esme. And I went everywhere with Jake. Most of the memories that involved my family also involved him. It was rare for me to be having any sort of memorable time without him. He was just always there, to play, to help me, to talk, to laugh with, to just _be_ with... for everything. And I was happy when he was near me. Always.

But after the fourth day, the memories moved out of my childhood and into my so-called adolescence. Things changed a bit, mostly between my father and I, but with some of the others as well. My mother and I had gotten closer, having more meaningful conversations about life, the future... and love. I hadn't noticed it at the time, but looking back on it, it seems like she was doing what she could to try and prepare me for falling in love. It was as if she knew that I would fall fast and hard and she wanted to make sure that I knew how to handle it when I did. Now that I looked back on it I began to seriously wonder if this was her way of sharing how it felt for her to fall as completely and quickly as she had for my father, as a human, knowing it was taboo and dangerous for her... or if it was her way of preparing me for how it would feel to fall in love with Jake. Would she know what it was like... _had she fallen in love with him, too? _

I shuddered and sobbed quietly as the body before me stilled completely and my own pain pulsed and throbbed in my heart. I wished with all of my heart that I had stayed that day, that I had taken the time to hear from her... that she had said _something, anything_ , to help me sort out what had happened between them. Each and every time Jake's memory of that day with my mother popped into my mind it was accompanied by two very strong feelings: desperation and anger. But what was he desperate and angry about? And how did my mother feel about it? But what confused me the most was his complete and utter lack of regret. Did he not regret it? Why? It didn't make any sense to me.

I knew how my father felt... his memories clearly reflected his revulsion, resignation and a mixture of frustration and regret. Revulsion for seeing the love of his life with someone else that way. Resignation about the fact that he vowed not to stop her, if that's what she wanted. And a mixture of frustration and regret that it had to happen in the first place. This combination of emotions I understood completely, and found myself relating to them, the more I thought about it. It even helped me to make sense of why my father resisted my relationship with Jake so much. He had competed with Jake for my mother's affections. Why would he be happy about him claiming his daughter's affections after that?

What I didn't understand, from my mother, from Jacob, and mostly from my father, is how none of them bothered to inform me of any of this. I mean, my father knew how I felt about Jake before anyone else did. There was no way of keeping it from him. So _why_ hadn't he told me? He would have known how this would affect me. Why hadn't they come together and explained what had happened and how everything ended up the way that it did. How did my mother choose? Why did she not choose Jake? Did she love him? Why had my father felt regret over it happening in the first place? He was claiming responsibility for some of it in his thoughts, but I couldn't see why. And more importantly, _most importantly_, why had Jake let her go? Did he not want her? How had that happened? Why did he give her up? I felt the pull between them... it wasn't strong, but as much as I hated to acknowledge it, he _loved_ her. I knew he didn't give her up for me. I wasn't conceived until my parents honeymoon, and they were clearly not married at that point. After their wedding my mother had not spent a moment around Jake when she wasn't pregnant or a vampire. And she was neither of these things in this memory. So _why _did he let her go? Did she make him? Did my father threaten him? Did he give up?

The whole scenario was confusing and painful to consider from everyone's vantage point. Although I couldn't help but think, selfishly, that mine might be the most painful of them all. The man that I loved, with my body, heart and soul, the man I had given myself to completely, and trusted without question, had imprinted on and been committed to me from the day I was born... _after_ having fallen in love with my mother. It left me with one question... a question that burned my heart with its every beat. A question that had me wishing with desperate regret that I had not run and stayed to ask it, instead of letting my emotions get the better of me.

_Why was he so strongly connected to her if he was meant to be with me? _

Because I knew, deep down in my heart, in the very depths of my soul, that Jake and I were meant to be together. What we had, the bond we shared, was so strong... it was absolute – it was consummate and infinite. And up until seven days ago, I thought it was limited – to him and I. So how had he felt it, even a shadow of it, with her? I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he could have loved my mother, not just any other person, but my _mother_, that way.

And _why_ hadn't they told me about it?

I shook my head and slithered back to the corner of the room, curling up into a ball on the floor. I shivered, as the ever present chill in my body grew. The longer I was away from Jake the worse it got. I wondered idly if I would freeze to death, before I could starve.

The tiny brunette was gone now – dead like the others. In a few hours, when she was cool, someone would come and toss a rope down around her and hoist her back up through the hole like the others, leaving me with nothing but the dried bloodstain on the dirt floor - the dark pool symbolizing the ultimate sacrifice of six brave women. I brought my knees up to my chest and lay my forehead on them, folding my body in on itself completely. It was easier than it should have been. My body was beginning to show the effects of malnutrition. My hair was beginning to thin a bit, a few strands at a time, though I'd never lost one in my life. My strength was waning. I was getting thin. My jeans and shirt were loose. I had not changed into the clothes _he_ had given me. I refused everything _he_ offered, and would continue to do so. I would not take anything from _him_.

I knew I was being stubborn, but I didn't care. I knew that starving myself, and refusing clothing was the most I could do to protest, and so I would. I would do what I could to protect the outside world and those I loved from the hurt, confusion and manipulation _his_ plan for me involved. Even if the ones I loved had _not_ done the same for me.

Because they hadn't. I trusted them – all of them – my father, my mother and most of all Jake. I trusted that they were always trying to do what was best for me, that they would always be up front with me, that they would never purposefully hurt me. But they had. All of them. They lied to me by omission, and although I still fiercely loved each of them, I was mad as hell, and I wanted an explanation. I deserved an explanation.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was my own father I needed an explanation from the most. I needed a lot more than an explanation from Jake – he owed me so much more than that. But my father – I remembered all of those times he fought with me, protecting me from Jake, telling me I couldn't go to Alaska with him, saying that he would force me to stay home, like he owned me, like I was property that he owned and Jake was trying to steal. It was like all of the jealousy between them in the past had come back to haunt him and _I_ was the one who was paying for their mistakes.

And I fought him, not knowing what I was fighting against. It was unfair, and selfish of him to have let this hang over my head and to hold me accountable for something that I had not done. He had been so difficult to deal with and fought with me for months. But I knew what I wanted, and needed. I tried so hard to make it all work, despite his resistance. I pushed and fought for what I knew was right in my heart.

I didn't know at the time how hard I was pushing him. I had no idea what I had been up against. But I did it anyway. I dealt with all of the residual anger, all of the resistance, and held it together. I wondered how much time he had taken to consider my feelings. It seemed like he didn't even know me, didn't recognize me that last day in Forks. I could still see his face clearly in my mind's eye, his shock and disbelief at the fact that I had initiated the serious developments in mine and Jake's relationship. It was like he didn't know me at all...

But had he even taken the time? Had he stopped to consider what Jake and I had, without letting his past with my mother cloud his judgement. Had he stopped to consider _my _feelings, and how _I_ loved him, how _I_ needed him? No. I was willing to bet, after having seen and finally understood what was really going on, that any leeway my father had given Jake and I was a direct result of my mother's influence over him. She, despite everything, seemed to genuinely accept and promote my relationship with Jake. Even though it made the least sense for her to do so... Jake could at least attribute his feelings towards me to the fact that he had imprinted on me. My mother would simply have had to let him go, in favour of my father.

And Jake – Jake did everything he could to prevent me from confronting my father at every opportunity. He shouldered as much of my father's resistance as he could. All of those times he volunteered to deal with my dad, every time he took the brunt of his anger on himself and told me to leave him to it... he was trying to protect me from dealing with his mistake. I had never understood why he felt the need to protect me from my own father but that, at least, was making more sense to me. He chose to deal with my father one on one whenever he could to protect me. He didn't want me brought into the middle of their past - where my father had squarely placed me, whether he realized it or not.

My mind began to swim with confusion as the thoughts that had been plaguing my mind ran rampant, causing chaos in my head and heart. I had no idea how to reconcile any of this, but I knew I wanted to, I needed to. But I was here, in this cold and dark place. My body was shaking now, almost violently, with the aftershocks of the strain of resisting the urge to feed, with the absolute and consuming cold that had settled into my skin and bones.

I rocked myself and began to twirl my now loose engagement ring around my finger. It had become a bit of a nervous habit. Whenever I was feeling particularly alone or desperate, I would finger my ring, and feel closer to Jake. I knew he loved me... and I loved him. Even if things were bad between us – I knew he didn't hurt me purposefully. I just needed to know what happened, and why they were hiding it from me. I rocked and hugged myself, into a tight little ball, desperately trying to ignore what my subconscious was trying to tell me... what I needed to ignore at all costs –

_That all of the fighting, the confusion, all of the love and answers I wanted were inconsequential now. _

I had to avoid thinking like that at all costs. It was devastating – crippling to consider.

_Because that meant that in the end, all of the effort to love and be loved, was for nothing. That it didn't even matter._

_Because I was going to die._

For those of you who are wondering if the PoD is as nasty as he sounds, the answer is yes. This is only the beginning.

Thanks for reading.

~H


	41. Servatis a Malificum

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. Unfortunately for Nessie, I own... **_**this**_**.**

_Some song lyrics borrowed from Evanescence's song Whisper here. They rock, and they own those. _

**Chapter 41 – Servatis a Maleficum**

**Chapter Song: Whisper ~ Evanescence**

**RPOV**

**...**

_I looked up at his face through the fog. He was crying, his face tear stained, his eyes red and swollen. I felt his heat, his soothing warmth rush over me like a tidal wave. I was hot, deliciously hot, simply scorching for the first time in so, so long._

_I felt his presence begin to fade behind the fog, the blackness began to close in on him right before my eyes. _

"Jake... JAKE!" I screamed and woke with a jolt.

My heart was racing and my head was pounding. I felt a sharp, and searing hot, tugging sensation at the back of my skull near the crown of my head, as it suddenly jerked up off the floor.

"That's quite enough Drake" I heard _his _voice mumble quietly from across the room.

I gasped and yelped as suddenly my head was released and unceremoniously dropped back to the floor.

_Ugh – throbbing pain._

My heart sunk in my chest. In my dream, the only dream I had since arriving in this place, Jake had come for me. I was relieved and so happy to see him. I was tired... exhausted actually, but I was always so grateful for his presence and his soothing voice, no matter how scared or desperate he sounded, and his heat. _Our heat_. But it was cut short this time, and I found myself crushed almost to the point of tears at being deprived of the little time I had with him. I clung to it, needed it and believed it while it happened every time.

But it was gone now, and all of my relief went with it. My mind and heart fought with me, begging me to go back to sleep, to get him back. But I couldn't, and it made me mad... devastated... desperate and crushed all at once.

_Why can't it be real? WHY? _

I whimpered and shook my head wildly.

_Please. I need it... I need __**him. **_

My hands curled into fists and my body recoiled from reality, tightening into a now very familiar tiny ball. I rocked myself and knew that if I could have, I would have been crying. But my body couldn't seem to produce any more tears. I wondered briefly about whether or not it was because I was getting to be too dehydrated or if-

"Get up." I heard the voice of my attacker from the forest rumble impatiently. His hot, sickly-sweet breath was right by my ear, making me shudder.

I uncurled myself and rose to my full height, back pressed against the wall, in a flash. I stepped to the side to put some distance between myself and the sick half-vampire whose name I now knew to be Drake.

I glanced between Drake and _him_ trying to decide what they wanted with me, and why they had come together. As I studied Drake's facial expression he seemed smug and expectant, like he was waiting for something exciting to happen. I narrowed my eyes slightly, trying to make out _his_ expression in the dark. He seemed impassive, his facial features giving nothing away. I huffed in frustration at not being able to make out his eyes well enough to see an emotion of some sort behind them.

Both men were clad in black jeans and t-shirts. I wondered briefly if these were uniforms of some sort, identifying them as some kind of authority, like the Volturi with their ridiculous robes. Both of them were facing me, feet shoulder width apart, arms crossed over their chests, although _he _was slowly drumming one set of his fingers on the arm it was resting, so slowly that it almost seemed to be an absent minded movement, and made me feel a bit uneasy, like the ominous slow ticks of clocks in human horror movies.

I shivered and then flinched as Drake approached me again, without warning or a signal of any kind.

"What do you want?" I rasped. My voice was scratchy and tight as I forced the words through my dry throat and a clenched jaw.

Drake snorted lightly and shook his head as he stopped mere inches in front of me. He raised a hand, lifting it to my shoulder and then slowly ran a finger from my collar bone down towards my chest with a smirk on his face. I growled as my hand flew up and attempted to bat his out of the way. He caught it easily and grasped my wrist tightly. I yanked on it, hoping to pull it back from him, but he had it in an iron clad grip. I was no match for him. I was getting weaker by the day.

I squirmed and felt my breath speed in horror as Drake smirked again; his eyes darkened with lust as the other hand came up. His finger landed on the opposite collar bone, tracing slowly down and over my chest. I shuddered and felt the bile rise and burn in my throat as he slowed down to run his finger over the peak of my breast with a widening smile, continuing down to the end of my blood encrusted t-shirt, before quickly slipping it up and under.

I snarled and tried to move away from him again, but he held my wrist tightly, gripping it so hard it began to throb, and yanked me towards him. I squeaked out another yelp and glanced furtively over at _him_ begging him with my eyes.

"Stop," I rasped, "P-please, please!" My mind was reeling. My heart began to thump loudly in my chest as he slipped his finger down into the waistband of my jeans and ran it slowly back and forth a couple of inches in either direction. I felt myself recoil from the feel of his finger ghosting over the skin of my stomach. It was like a virus, a disease to be avoided or squashed and killed.

_Why isn't __**he **__stopping this? Surely he wants... oh God I can't believe I'm thinking this... but wouldn't he want me for himself_...?

I shuddered at the disgusting sense of relief I felt with the realization that _he_ was my only hope of escaping Drake's claws. It was sick, but I held onto it, knowing that it was my only option.

_He_ merely smirked back at me in response to my pleas, and took two slow steps forward, cocking his head to the side as if studying the scene before him. His expression was thoughtful, almost clinical in its emotional impassivity. I quickly brought my knee up, hoping to ward Drake off the same way I had done with _him_ all those nights ago. It seemed like a lifetime of blackness ago. In reality, if my brain was still functioning well enough to keep track of time, it was probably only about ten days that I had been in this place.

As my leg began to move up Drake shot forward, slamming his body against mine, crushing me into the wall with a thud and forcing my leg back to the floor against his own. His foot crashed down on mine, holding it securely to the floor, squishing my sneaker clad toes against the hard rubber of his boots painfully. My eyes swam with tears as I felt a throbbing pain shoot up through the center of my back and another down through my skull, both meeting in the middle, searing into my neck and shoulders causing them to snap together and my head to whip back, as my vision blurred. I cried out wordlessly, just a strangled scream of pain, before locking my jaw.

_Don't you __**dare **__show them your pain. _I told myself fiercely. _It's what they want. __**Don't **__give into them. _

I shook violently from head to toe and scrunched my eyes shut as I fought the waves of pain, before growling loudly as Drake slid his right hand into the waistband of my jeans and began sliding it lower than he had with his finger before.

He chuckled darkly as he rubbed against my skin, making me shudder, once again, in revulsion. His long hair hung loose and irritated my cheek as it brushed against me with every repulsively sweet breath as he laughed in the face of my physical humiliation and violation at his hands.

"Drake. I think we've confirmed what we came here to find out." _He _said, quietly. There was a commanding undertone to _his_ voice that I hadn't heard before. It made me shiver and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He was obviously not someone to be taken lightly when he gave an order.

"So, Renesmee," _he_ murmured as Drake removed his hands from my pants with a grumble and a sneer, "it seems as though you've waged a bit of a _hunger strike_. I must say, I admire your..." he paused, cocking his head to the other side, "_determination_. You are certainly stronger than I would have thought." He said contemplatively while strolling forward.

He reached us and brushed Drake's shoulder lightly with his hand. Drake cocked his head upward and sneered at me as he pushed off of my body and sauntered to the side to stand with his feet apart, arms over his chest as he was before.

I kept my eyes fixed on the man in front of me, still breathing rapidly and hard, heart thumping wildly, as he continued. I pressed my back against the wall, but felt my knees automatically give a little, and my shoulder rise and creep forward slightly, causing my spine to curl painfully into a bit of defensive crouch. I knew it was practically useless to try and defend myself against these two physically, but my body was running purely on instinct at this point.

I felt the icy aura of _his_ breath surround my face as he closed the gap between us, and came to stand in front of me, stooping so he could look me straight in the eye. His ruby red eyes, seemed to dance with anticipation. My lips twitched once, twice, three times and then froze into a sneer as I looked into the eyes of the creature who had corrupted my very existence for his own gain.

"I think it's time to see just how hard you're willing to fight your _fate_." He whispered. His voice was soft, taunting, like he knew a secret that he wasn't willing to share, but wanted to dangle it in my face to see if I would beg him for answers. I wouldn't. I would beg him for _nothing_. I wanted nothing he could offer me. My own salvation, the only path to mercy, was through the man I loved more than life itself. If I was going to be saved, granted the mercy I desperately needed, it would be by Jake's hands and the hands of my family, _not_ the hands of the sadistic creature in front of me.

Gathering my strength of will, I rolled my tongue and spat forcefully. My saliva landed just to the left of his nose, and trickled into his smug and secretive eyes.

"Fuck. You." I murmured as he sneered and wiped my saliva from his face with a light growl.

_Good, _I thought smugly, _I pissed him off. How does it feel, asshole?_ I thought with a small smirk of my own.

Without another word _he _whipped himself away from me with a snarl and pointed his index finger up in the air with a sinister chuckle, then rolled it around dramatically in one quick circle.

Things happened quickly after that. Both he and Drake seemed to move around the room in a blur. The next thing I knew, I was being forced to my knees in the centre of the room, as Drake's arms snaked around me from behind and constricted my own, tightly securing them to the sides of my body. I struggled against him but was unable to free my arms. I planted my feet on the floor, but was too weak to push myself up and out of his grasp as he held me there.

I just wasn't strong enough to fight back.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice told me that my resistance, my refusal to feed, was insanity. That I was leaving myself open to be tortured, violated, and abused by not keeping my body strong enough to fight back. But I didn't care. If I had to experience pain, humiliation, violation... I would, to spare all of those who would be suffering the same fate in the future if _he_ had his way and was able to carry out his plan for me. It was a small price for one person to pay, all things considered.

_He _stood across from me, frowning.

"You really should learn not to aggravate me, my darling. Being on my... _bad side_, is not in your best interest." He said softly while glaring at me through narrowed eyes. He sighed heavily and approached us, sauntering and shaking his head in disappointment.

"You've left me no choice. I wish I didn't have to push you to extremes... but you asked for it." He leaned forward, bringing his face within an inch of mine. I tried to squirm away, wanting to put some distance between us, but was held fast and tight by Drake's arms. "Most people don't make that mistake twice." He snarled then raised a hand slowly. He brought his pointer finger up to my temple and slowly ran it down to my mouth while he leered at me, causing the bile to rise again and making me gag.

At the sound and sight of my gagging he growled softly and then swung his hand back. I turned my head away, but was not able to escape the callous and jarring impact of his hand against my cheek. The sound of the smack resonated around the small room and filled my ears, echoing in the silence. My breath escaped me in a huff before I involuntarily panted out a small cry of pain. My ears rang and my skin stung as the impact of his marble-hard hand hitting my face at full force crashed down upon me and reverberated through my entire being.

I left my head turned to the right, in the direction he slapped it, and spat as I felt my mouth quickly filling up with my own blood. I realised with a start that I must have bitten down on my tongue as he slapped me, hard enough to draw blood. I began to sob as I felt the pain in my mouth blur together with the hunger pain, the pain in my back and head from being slammed against the wall, and the throbbing pain on my cheek from being slapped hard enough to bite my tongue and draw blood. It was consuming me, making it hard for me to think about or feel anything else.

But the worst pain of all... worse than any physical pain I could ever suffer, was the humiliation of being forced into dealing with the cruelty of these two men. I felt drained and used, beaten and battered... basically just spent and ... helpless. It was crippling. My entire body bowed forward as I keened out a sob that rivalled those of the dying women that had been dropped to the floor of my cave to bleed to death as I watched.

_He _stood abruptly and growled down at my tears, before jumping swiftly up and through the grate in the ceiling. I sobbed and flailed my legs and arms blindly, eyes scrunched shut in anger and frustration, straining uselessly against the arms of Drake, who merely scoffed and hugged me tighter to him.

I was petrified and humiliated, starved and in pain... and left alone in a room with a man who wanted to use my body for his own pleasure. I screamed and sobbed louder. I knew it was useless, but it was the only thing I could do...

"Don't close your eyes, Princess," he snarled menacingly into my ear as he squeezed his arms around me, making his hold impossibly harder, pushing the air out of my lungs as the pressure on my torso increased. "The worst is yet to come."

And then he laughed, loudly and obnoxiously, as I fought hopelessly and helplessly against his grip on me.

I heard a shuffle and some light scraping from above. In the background I noticed a laboured breath, and a heartbeat. Within seconds I smelt the blood. It was sweet and fragrant. My mouth began watering, my stomach rumbled and churned. My throat ignited into a scorching inferno. I swallowed back mouthful after mouthful of saliva, which did nothing to lessen the dry heat in my throat, and began chanting my mantra in my head as Drake snarled in my ear.

_I will NOT feed. I will NOT kill. I will NOT let him win._

This was the first attempt to feed me since they dropped the woman who looked like Aunt Alice down to me. It had been four days since I had been around fresh flowing blood, and rather than make things easier for me, it was making it that much harder. My body felt like it was experiencing this for the first time, all over again. I might have become a bit desensitized, when they were tossing body after body down to me. But the small break that I had been given made every sensation new and powerful once again. I had no doubt that it was all part of _his_ plan to force me into drinking human blood.

_I will NOT feed. I will NOT kill. I will NOT let him win. _I chanted in my head with fervour as I rocked myself back and forth as much as I could in Drake's strong hold.

I felt, rather than saw, the first of the blood. It dripped from the hole in the ceiling directly onto my forehead. I yelped and threw my body backward into Drake's. He laughed menacingly and held me tighter, keeping me rooted to the spot, as I felt another warm drop of thick liquid land on my right cheek.

I shook my head and hazarded a glance up at the ceiling, wondering why it was taking so long for them to drop the body this time. It was the worst thing I could have done.

As my head tilted up I was greeted with a warm stream of fresh blood dribbling down and over my face. I slammed my eyes shut, forced myself to stop breathing and locked my jaw shut. I felt my body begin to shake violently in Drake's arms. I was literally convulsing with the warring needs of my mind, heart and body.

_So sweet, fragrant, warm, wet... DRINK, DRINK, DRINK! _

_NO! She`s a person, not a meal! It`s what they want! NO, NO, NO!_

Over and over the two opposing sides fought against each other while the blood continued to trickle slowly down my face, onto my arms, my legs... everywhere. But the worst part, the most excruciatingly painful part, was the warm flow of blood running over my jaw and down my throat. My parched, desiccated, baking hot throat.

_The WRONG SIDE of my desperately dry throat! _My near-insane-with-thirst vampire side shouted at me angrily.

_NO!_ The other side of my subconscious shouted back. _SHUT UP! It`s on the RIGHT SIDE. You are not a murderer! Don`t give them what they want!_

I shuddered, flailed and convulsed violently as the pain in my throat approached unbearable. I wanted it gone. I needed it to stop. I wasn`t sure how much longer I could resist. And I desperately needed to breath, but I was so scared to try. If I opened my mouth, it would surely drop right in... and once the warm liquid flowed over my tongue – I would be a goner.

Suddenly, I heard the familiar and unmistakeable whoosh and thud of the woman`s body being dropped to the floor directly in front of me. I kept my eyes slammed shut and swung my face as far away from the warm flow of blood as possible.

Drake, who had been holding me tightly and snarling and growling loudly in my ear the entire time, suddenly released me, sending me tumbling face first toward the bleeding body in front of me. I flung my arms out and felt my hands hit her abdomen, and help myself as far up and away from her wound as possible.

At the same time, Drake leapt over the body on the floor and grabbed another that was being lowered through the hole.

His eyes were pitch black and remained trained on me as he landed on his feet, pulled the body to him roughly and sank his teeth into her throat. She wasn`t bleeding from her abdomen, like the rest, she was merely battered a bit, probably beaten enough to keep her unconscious, but alive, until she could be used as his meal.

He sucked greedily and moaned in relief as the blood poured down his throat. I watched in abject horror as I saw her being drained. The life was literally being sucked out of her before my eyes. I had seen my family hunt, had seen animals die this way, and I had done it more times than I could count. But I had never seen a human, another _person, _being fed off of.

I was immediately disgusted and repulsed for two very different reasons.

The first reason was that this was simply the most repulsive and vile thing I had ever witnessed. Young, healthy vital women were being used as vessels for creating children with vampires and then being sacrificed as sustenance once they had fulfilled their duty, or in this case, perhaps if they failed. These women were being violated and used in every single depraved way possible. It was maddening to witness and sickening to have to sit around and not be able to help them.

The second, and decidedly worse reason I was disgusted, was with my very own depraved desire to do exactly what Drake was doing... _drink, drink, and drink some more, _until the pain in my throat stopped, the strength in my body returned and my body ran warm with the blood of the woman still lying beneath me. I wanted it so badly I was swallowing mouthfuls of saliva in time with his gulps of blood from the girl in his arms.

_I am a vile and disgusting being who deserves to die. _I thought as he dropped the first body onto the floor with a thud and reached up for another. It was too much. All I could hear, see, and feel was blood, blood and more blood. I felt my resolve waiver... and begin to crumble. Tiny pieces of the iron-clad wall of resolve I had built around my thirst began to melt and fade away, leaving me crazed and slightly heady with the now ever increasing desire to sate my thirst.

I groaned and dropped my head in defeat, staring at the open, gaping wound just inches from my mouth... and then did what my body had been screaming at me to do since that first drop of blood landed on my forehead.

I inhaled.

_DRINK! _My subconscious shouted at me.

I heard Drake groan in satisfaction as he sank his teeth into yet another warm body.

_DRINK!_

I felt my breathing become uneven, hastily breathing in the warm, sweet and fragrant scent of the blood that flowed inches from my mouth and nose. I hear Drake pull, and gulp. Pull and gulp.

_DRINK!_

I shuddered and felt my body lower of its own accord. My head drifted slowly towards the open wound. The scent of the blood, blood warmer and more deliciously sweet than any I had ever encountered, enveloped me like a glove, flowing over and around me, clouding my senses, making me delirious with desire.

_DRINK!_

I felt my lips begin to part.

"P-p-please."

I jumped up into a crouch, defensive in my haze of bloodlust, and whipped my head around to the source of the plea.

And then I gasped.

_Oh my God... no._

I met her eyes, her warm chocolate brown eyes, in her heart-shaped face, surrounded by a mane of long chestnut brown hair, and shuddered.

_Stop. I have to stop. Her hair, her face... my God. Oh my God, STOP!_

And with every ounce of strength and determination I could muster, I did just that. I hurled my body away from her and into the closest wall. I crashed into it forcefully, painfully, but gratefully.

The woman, the one I nearly killed, the one whose blood I craved so badly I was literally panting and drooling over it, looked _so much_ like my first memory of my human mother, that it shocked me out of the frenzy of the bloodlust and into a state of absolute and profound remorse and self-disgust.

_I was going to kill her! _I thought frantically. _I should have known they would have saved her for this._

I sank to the floor and immediately curled into the tightest ball I could create out of myself, with my chin resting on my knees, and my eyes trained on the face of the woman who could almost have passed for my mother's human twin sister. Without realizing it, my hands began to wander over the blood covered skin on my neck, scraping and scratching at the blood that was quickly drying on me, trying desperately to pick it off.

As my fingers dug deeper and deeper, scraping harder and harder, the woman on the floor began to beg again, this time holding a hand out to me.

In my sickened and disturbed state of mind I couldn't decide whether she was beckoning and begging me for help, or to drink from her and end her misery. I felt a scream of frustration and anguish rise up through my throat. I released it through a clenched jaw, and found that it was a welcomed distraction from the horror and insanity in front of me and lurking in my mind. So I screamed and scratched, scratched and screamed.

Drake soon left. His pile of drained bodies lay on the floor, cold, lifeless, and discarded – just like I felt.

I continued to scrape at myself and cry out, wailing in agony and on the brink of insanity as the woman before me convulsed – her heart slowed – and then finally, _finally_ – she died.

I screamed and scratched and scraped until her blood ran cool. And when it was over, when her blood and body were cool and my skin was burning and raw on the outside to match the scorching thirst from within, I felt the edges of my mind collapse and fold in. My vision blurred, my head collapsed onto my knees - and I prayed for mercy.

_Servatis a perliculum. Servatis a maleficum._

I repeated the same words, over and over. It was part of a Latin prayer for deliverance from danger and evil, words I heard my grandfather utter with me on countless nights during my childhood before bed.

_Servatis a perliculum. Servatis a maleficum._

_Servatis a perliculum. Servatis a maleficum._

_Servatis a perliculum. Servatis a maleficum._

Ok… take a deep breath. I've been told that that chapter was intense to read. It was incredibly intense to write.

Thanks for reading.

~H


	42. Acknowledgement

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a regretful Daddyward, an angry and bereft Jake and a shattered Nessie.**

_This chapter is told in three POV's. Hope it's not too much switching around... but it was necessary._

**Chapter 42 – Acknowledgement **

**Chapter Song: World So Cold ~ Three Days Grace (JPOV)**

**Edward POV**

I fought back a grimace as I made my way across the plains of snow and ice. Keeping up with the polar bears was never a problem. Once you found one. Population in this area of northern Canada was getting sparse. Global warming and other human interferences were making it nearly impossible for them to survive here and they were migrating to safer areas. I wasn't helping things either, tracking one down for my third meal this week. I felt a small sense of guilt wash over me as I acknowledged this truth and coupled it with the fact that I didn't really need to hunt. But there was no way I could stay _there_, with him... and _that._ Every man had limits to his patience and although I knew he couldn't help it, that he had never intended to, Jacob had certainly surpassed mine. Again.

I sighed and dashed around another ice-burg, hearing the light footsteps of my wife gliding lightly over the snow a few miles behind me. She wanted to talk. I could tell by the look on her face when I glanced at it after announcing yet another hunting trip. She knew what was bothering me, and understood why. However, what she didn't seem to understand was that I couldn't talk about it. It nearly drove me mad to think about everything that had happened... and to know that this was the very same reason that our baby girl, _our only child_, was in such grave danger, truly made me feel like the monster that I am.

I veered slightly to the left after catching the scents of two polar bears in that direction. I wished, without much hope, that Bella might be content just to hunt with me and take the second one, leaving me to try and clear my mind. She didn't want me stewing and wallowing – or so she put it – and was doing everything she could to mediate between Jacob and I. If nothing else, this talk she wanted to have could help us make a very important clarification where that was concerned. My discomfort had less to do with Jacob, and more to do with my own self loathing.

And loathe I did. There was only once in over a hundred years during my time on this earth that I had ever felt more guilty or as monstrous as this. When I thought Bella was dead, I wanted to die. I hated myself for what I had done to her and knew that if she was dead, it was my fault, even though it wasn't by my hand.

_This_ pain, this absolute _abhorrence_ for myself, came from knowing that my daughter had been kidnapped, literally stolen in broad daylight from her own backyard... _because I pushed her away._ I had never meant to hurt her, but I did – so much. I had never meant for her to feel like she had to mediate between Jacob and I and defend their relationship. I was trying to talk some reason into her, or so I had thought. I was trying to make her understand that she should take her time to enjoy life... to live a little, and focus on herself, before giving herself to someone else.

By this point I had stopped running and had the two polar bears in a very convenient position for attack. Bella reached where I was standing and stopped about a foot away from me. She stood still, paid absolutely no attention to the bears, and watched me with concern. Within seconds I felt her hand caress my arm. I turned to look at her, unable to meet her always perceptive eyes, and took her hand gently in mine, giving it a light squeeze.

_Edward..._

I looked up and raised my eyebrows in surprise. She had raised her shield for me. It was the first time she had done so since Nessie had gone missing. I had been waiting to hear from her. True to form, Bella had taken every available opportunity to help and take care of everyone else for the past twelve days, but had not allowed anyone to provide her comfort, aside from the brief times we were resting, waiting for the others to finish hunting or the wolves to wake from a much needed nap, however short. During those restful times, she would find a spot to sit, and stare out over the surrounding landscape, lost in her thoughts. Her facial expression gave away nothing, it seemed eerily blank. It disturbed me greatly to see her so void of emotion, but when asked she offered no explanation, and merely asked that I hold her while she thought. So we sat, not speaking, just holding each other and lost in our own thoughts, until we were ready to move and continue on our way with the others.

_We need to talk. _ she thought quietly and raised her own eyebrows to indicate that she was not going to take no for an answer.

I sighed and turned back toward the bears, who were hunting fish in a break in the ice.

"Are you ready to talk as well?" I mumbled quietly, not wanting to alert the bears to our presence.

_This isn't about me – _

"It's every bit as much about you as it is me." I interjected quickly in a hushed voice. She flinched slightly and I realized that my interruption must have come out sounding quite harsh, because I hadn't made a point to control the tension I was feeling. I closed my eyes and took a minute to calm my nerves.

_I really wish he would just calm down and tell me what's bothering him. How can I help him if he won't let me in?_

"I could ask you the same thing." I murmured and opened my eyes to see her reaction. Even after being able to read her mind, I still found that I could decipher where Bella was coming from best by looking into her eyes. They were always so full of emotion. Her face could be as still as the stone that creatures of our type are, but her eyes always told her story.

I was met with light golden orbs full of concern and... distance. I felt my face fall as my hopes of talking to my wife and sharing our worries and pain were whisked away with the falling snow in the wind. I was at a loss... for the first time since meeting and falling in love with Bella, we had come across something that we couldn't find it in ourselves to communicate about. And although I knew it was probably the time when we should be communicating the most, neither of us could bring ourselves to take that first step.

I was so disappointed in myself, so consumed with guilt, that I couldn't handle her disappointment too. And if we talked, she would tell me how disappointed she was in me as a man, as a father. She would be right. I was an utter failure in both departments and my daughter's current situation proved it. I could hardly live with my own disappointment in myself, let alone having to hear it from Bella. It would be infinitely worse coming from her.

What a coward I was. Not even being able to face my own faults in my wife's eyes. She was here, had followed me, hoping that I could talk and open up to her – and I was avoiding it like the plague. Truthfully, I knew why I was holding back. It was because she wouldn't tell me what she was thinking. We'd never had a breakdown in communication before and I was petrified that the reason for it was that she was immensely disappointed in me – as she should be. I was secretly convinced that she didn't want to talk to me because she didn't want to hurt me with the truth, by confirming that I was, indeed, the reason for all of our daughter's pain and suffering.

_I'm sorry. _Bella's inner voice stated softly. _I know it's not easy for you to be around him... and his thoughts, but he has to sleep Edward. He barely does at all, and it's just not good for him to go so long without rest._

I sighed and felt my jaw tighten as I fought to push unwanted images from Jacob's dreams about my daughter out of my mind. It was one thing to know that they were intimate with each other, but another thing altogether to bear witness to it through his thoughts and dreams.

"As I told you once before, Jacob makes very _vivid_ mental pictures. I'm sure you wouldn't want to stick around to be privy to his thoughts right now either." I hissed under my breath. I had neglected to regulate my volume for the sake of the polar bears. They heard me and ran away. _So much for the distraction of hunting_, I thought wryly. My thumb and forefinger found the bridge of my nose, subconsciously squeezing it in my habitual gesture of frustration.

_Edward, I know. _Her voice was filled with understanding, but also held an undercurrent of frustration that I didn't quite understand. Was she actually frustrated with me for not wanting to witness our daughter engaged in acts of physical intimacy?

_I completely understand your need to get away from him at moments like this... but what about everyone else? _My head snapped up and the hand on my nose lowered as I looked at her, speculating about her meaning behind that question. I raised my eyebrows at her in confusion before she continued.

_Everyone is walking on eggshells around you because you have been so on edge, and have been snapping at every little thing. It seems like no one can do anything right, and you're constantly pushing away anyone who is genuinely trying to help. _

Her tone belied her pain over the fact that she was included in the group of people that were being pushed away.

She wanted to help me. Well, that was rich.

I looked at her incredulously and she began to eye me with trepidation, as if she knew what I was thinking and not the other way around. I guess my reaction would have been fairly clear to her already, but I voiced it none-the-less because I wanted her response to it.

"I'm not the only one pushing people away, Bella." I murmured and narrowed my eyes at her, waiting for her defiance, her refusal of me, and her distance.

She sighed as her face contorted in pain and her eyes blinked against non-existent tears.

_Urgh, he frustrates the hell out of me when he's like this. Can't he see that this is the only way I can do this? If I stop to think or talk about it, I'll be lost in it and I can't – I'll drown in it... I just – it's just – it's too – _

My frozen heart lurched and I was instantly regretful for having pushed her. She was in so much pain at the thought of discussing her feelings that she had forgotten her thoughts were open to me. Without meaning to, her anguished inner dialogue, her incessant lip biting, her arms wrapping around her ribs, holding in herself in comfort, told me all I needed to know.

I rushed to close the space between us and cradled my wife in my arms, holding her to me as tightly as I could. I kissed her forehead and whispered my apologies into her hair as she let go of a silent heart-shattering sob.

"I'm sorry Bella. So sorry. I know, it's too difficult. Please forgive me, I shouldn't have pushed." I held her to me and rocked her as she snapped her shield back and fought to regain control. Slowly I felt her body relax against mine. I breathed a small sigh of relief internally. I wasn't in a much better place than she was at that moment, and if she had broken down completely I was fairly sure I would too. And whether it would be helpful or not, we simply didn't have time to deal with it right then and there. Jacob and the others would be up soon and we would be headed out to continue our search for our daughter. We could not afford the delay.

"Bella I..." I began and then stopped as my own emotions choked off the rest of the words in my throat. I felt like I owed her some sort of explanation for my behaviour. Like she should know that she wasn't alone in her suffering and that the anger I had been expressing was about my own inner guilt, that it was not an attempt to push her or anyone else away. God knows I had done enough of that already. I had already pushed away the one who mattered most to both of us, I would not be responsible for pushing others away as well.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair, my voice sounding strained, tired and wracked with guilt even to my own ears. "I should never have pushed her like that. I should never have put her in the position of having to mediate between Jacob and I. I shouldn't have allowed the past to influence my feelings about what is happening between her and Jacob now and I certainly shouldn't have treated her with such - _hostility_ - when I thought she was making the wrong choices. I should have known how it would hurt her... should have seen the position I was putting her in, but I was too blinded by my own opinions to see it."

The words tumbled from my lips, whispered confessions of a broken man begging for forgiveness.

I exhaled a shaky breath around the small sob I didn't realize was trying to break through as I cried my own non-existent tears into the top of Bella's head. She hugged me to her tightly and shushed me, rubbing her hands soothingly over my back. I grit my teeth together, frustrated over the fact that she was trying to soothe me because she was offering comfort I knew I didn't deserve. I worked to control the tidal wave of guilt that rushed through me, the almost overwhelming self-hatred that made me want to pull away from her and shut her out. I wouldn't do it this time. I was determined to deal with her disappointment and find a way, if there was one, to earn her love, trust and confidence in me as a husband and father once again.

I inhaled deeply, the icy fresh arctic air providing a welcomed break from the choking sobs and pulled away from her embrace gently. I kissed her forehead lightly, keeping my eyes on the snow at our feet, unable to meet her eyes in my shame.

"I'm sorry to have caused this." I whispered to her feet, wishing more than anything that I was man enough to say it to her face, to look her in the eye.

"I pushed her away. I had been pushing her to see things my way for months, and ignoring the position I put her in because I was convinced it was for her benefit. There was nothing beneficial about it. I even ignored your attempts at making me see things from her point of view. There are no words strong enough to describe how much I regret what I've done."

I stopped, unable to continue and rubbed a hand over my face in frustration and guilt.

"Edward," she whispered softly, as her soft hands pried mine off of my face and held it between them.

"Edward, look at me." she demanded quietly.

I shook my head, knowing that if I did, I was sure to break down completely. I was a coward, and I knew it, but I couldn't deal with seeing the recognition of my failure in her eyes.

She sighed and squeezed my hand tightly in hers.

"We're all responsible, Edward. We lied, and made choices that affected her, choices about things that she should have been allowed to deal with on her own. None of us are to blame individually." She paused here, and I could tell by the hesitation in her tone that there was more she wished to say, but was trying to choose her words carefully. I stiffened and pulled away from her slightly, knowing that this was the moment I had been avoiding so fiercely, this was the moment my wife told me how much I let her and our daughter down. This was the moment she would recognise and acknowledge just _how much _of the responsibility lay in my hands.

"You're right about the fact that you shouldn't have tried to force your opinion on her. You were hell bent on saving her from herself without ever considering the possibility that she was doing what _she_ felt was best for her, and that she might have been _right_. No parent wants to see their child make mistakes, but she is an adult and has the right to choose her own path in life, and _when, how and_ _who she takes the journey with_." She stated quietly with conviction. Her acknowledgement cut through me and slashed at my heart like a blade of fire. I stood as still as stone, locked into my pain and guilt, only nodding once to acknowledge her.

"You're also right about the fact that you should have listened to me when I tried to reason with you. You ignored my opinions and acted of your own accord, but she is _our _daughter and you should have trusted that even though I don't have the ability to read her thoughts, I _do_ have the ability to relate to our daughter's feelings, perhaps even more so than you do on this particular matter." She stated quickly and then paused again to choose her next set of words.

I writhed with pain internally as the blade of guilt and hurt twisted and slashed against my heart, nearly ripping it in to small pieces and mutilating it beyond repair. I closed my eyes and hung my head, to control the urge to make her stop. My hands and arms trembled with the effort it took to handle the pain and stay in place to hear what was coming next.

She swallowed thickly and then surprised me by placing a gentle hand on my cheek, caressing it with her thumb as she stepped in front of me. Had my eyes been open I would have been able to look into hers in this position. I squeezed them closed tightly, trying to avoid that at all costs. It would break me - and I couldn't afford to break. I had to keep it together to help find her. To rectify some of the wrong that I had done. To do _something_ right by her and my little girl.

"You were wrong, Edward, and although I'm angry about how you handled things with her, and how you chose to ignore me... I'm no more or less angry at you than I am with myself." She admitted sorrowfully.

Her admission shocked me and caused my eyes to snap open. I regretted it almost immediately – until I saw that her eyes were not filled with the condemnation I had expected. It was there, yes, she acknowledged and placed my part of the blame squarely on my shoulders, where it belonged, but she also took on a lot of it herself. The distance that was there before was gone. The emotions she had been masking and hiding from me for the past twelve days were laid bare and exposed to me through her ever expressive eyes. It was clear to me that she was suffering from just as much guilt as I was, but was handling it as she always did. She'd pushed it down, hidden it and didn't allow it to affect anyone else but herself, whereas I had been taking it out on everyone around me.

She was so much stronger than me, so much better at dealing with her emotions and surviving her own guilt. How had I allowed myself to doubt her when it came to dealing with our daughter's emotions? How had I not known that she would know, better than anyone else, how to love and protect our little girl without hurting her or pushing her away? She was and always had been much better at acknowledging and reasoning with her emotions than I was.

I pulled her to me roughly, and held her tightly, apologizing again and again, telling her that she did all she could to help, trying to ease her guilt, knowing that she should never feel as though she was as much responsible for this as I was. She clung to me and said nothing, merely accepted my apology and words of comfort as I offered them.

It was enough for me. I hadn't expected, and didn't deserve an ounce of understanding or forgiveness for my actions. The fact that she was even willing to hear my apologies and let me attempt to comfort her was more than I ever dared to dream possible.

When the skies began to darken, and we knew hours had passed, she pulled away from me gently and looked into my eyes. The emptiness and distance were back in hers and I knew that we wouldn't be doing any more talking. I released her and waited for her to decide what she wanted to do next.

"We should head back." She said, her voice conveying her exhaustion. "The best thing we can do now is find her Edward, and save her, _truly save her_ this time, and then pray that we can earn her love and trust again."

I nodded in agreement just as an urgent howl ripped through the late afternoon sky.

Jacob.

Something was happening and we needed to get back.

I reached out to her just as she reached for me. We clasped our hands together solidly and held on tightly as we sprinted back to the others – back to our mission to find our daughter – back to do the only thing we could to repair the damage done to our hearts, and to our little girl.

**~~~000~~~**

**JPOV**

"_Mmmm, Jake," she sighed lightly as I kissed her shoulder and wound my arms around her waist. _

_I smiled into her neck and kissed it softly, settling in to sleep next to her after a busy afternoon and evening in bed._

"_I love you." She breathed and turned her beautiful face to mine. I hummed and skimmed my nose along hers._

"_I love you too, baby." I whispered and brushed my lips over hers before settling my head down into the pillow and burrowing my face in her long bronze hair. It was my new favourite position to sleep in, her warm, slender, curvy frame pressed along every line of mine, her hair in my face, her scent all around me. _

_I settled in for a good night's sleep with the woman I loved. _

_I was home. _

"Jake," I heard and felt my shoulder shake slightly. I grumbled and shifted away from the annoying voice and whatever was shaking me out of my heaven.

"C'mon Jake, you've got a meeting with Sam in five." Seth said quietly and shook my shoulder again.

I rolled over and sighed deeply, resigned to the fact that my short rest was over and my time in heaven was once again cut short. My heart returned to it's frozen state, my body cooled to frigid and stiffened as I opened my eyes and reality came into focus.

I nodded a curt greeting to Seth, who was standing over me with an apologetic look on his face. I shook my head at him, letting him know that he didn't need to feel bad for waking me, he was just following orders. I wrenched myself onto my feet, turning toward the nearest rock outcropping where I would phase and meet Sam for our daily chat. My body was stiff and heavy. I stretched to loosen up my limbs a bit. It didn't help. My muscles and bones ached like I was a thousand years old – I felt like I had aged a millennium, suffering a thousand years of torment and guilt when she was ripped away from me. Each second felt like an hour. Decades passed in a day.

"Where's Edward?" I asked begrudgingly, knowing that he had probably run off again, to avoid my dreams. He hadn't said it, but I knew that's what he did. Every time I slept I dreamt of her - her voice, her smile, her laugh, her skin, her hair, her body, _our_ bodies, our _heat_, together, loving each other... it was what kept me going. It was my one small piece of heaven in day after day of nothing but pain. I tried to put off sleeping as much as I could, knowing how much it bothered him, but it's not like I could help it. She was in my every thought, my every breath. My heart belonged to her, and it was missing – ripped right out of my chest leaving a gaping hole and a bottomless pit of pain and ice cold emptiness. I was an empty shell, she was my soul... she was everything. I needed her so badly that my subconscious was giving me what it could to help me survive without her.

I wouldn't apologize for it though. That would be like apologizing for loving her, and I was _not_ sorry about that. I wasn't sorry about _one single second_ of the time I'd spent with her, with the exception of the time it took to create the lies that tore her world apart.

"He left a few hours ago. Bella followed him this time. They're not back yet." Seth said quietly, sympathetically. He knew. They _all_ knew why Edward left. The first time I'd fallen asleep I was in wolf form, and had laid down to rest my limbs, and then nodded off without meaning to. The entire pack was privy to my dreams that afternoon, and then not only did Edward have to deal with my dreams, he'd had to deal with the private reactions of each and every wolf who saw them.

I knew that wasn't easy – it couldn't have been.

But I still wasn't going to apologize.

That was the last time I slept in wolf form. I didn't want our private time together being broadcast to the others if I could help it. So I made a point of phasing back to my human form, right after Leah or Seth had woken up so they could keep an eye on things for me, and then slept. It was never for more than a few hours at a time. I made them promise to wake me after three or four hours, because really, that was all I needed every couple of days. It was enough to keep me awake and alert, and not so much that we would lose too much time looking for her.

I nodded at Seth and rolled my head from side to side, loosening up a small kink in my neck from sleeping on the cold hard ground.

_Did she have a bed to sleep in? Was she sleeping at all? If she _was_ sleeping, was she having nightmares because I wasn't there with her? _My thoughts immediately went to Nessie, and how little my discomfort mattered compared to what she might be going through at the moment.

I was pretty sure the answers to my questions would have been _no, no and yes._ I felt the cold, empty nothingness settle in to my bones, weighing me down like a concrete body cast, as I considered how far we seemed to be from finding her. This vampire we were tracking seemed to know that we would follow his trail and was leading us on a wild goose chase all over northern Canada and the arctic. It had been twelve days, and we still had nothing new to go on except for a random trail left by a psychotic vampire and his minions.

We had begun to panic because we had all but lost the scent. Right now, we were taking a break in Nunavut and trying to come up with a new plan of action. I didn't like being still; I didn't like not knowing what to do or where to go. I didn't like any of it. It made my blood boil to know that we were waiting and thinking. I needed to move, to hit, to rip something to shreds... to do _anything_ but more waiting and thinking. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

_Can't we just get one fucking break? _I asked the universe for the millionth time.

_She deserves better than this! We're following a trail of breadcrumbs left behind by same sick bastards that took her. It would be obvious to anyone that they don't want her to be found. _

_But what else can we do? _

_Fuck! _

_I hate this! _

I was losing my temper, and had to wander off a bit into the woods to phase and calm down while I waited for Sam to get in touch. I left Seth where he was, and headed out into the trees. I was frustrated and angry about wandering around chasing that stupid leeches scent. It was the only damn thing we had to go on, and now that was disappearing too.

I stalked off and was about twenty feet into the trees around the clearing we had stopped in when I saw it. A small triangle of light pink cotton fleece stood out from the earthy colors of the dirt, rocks and the blanket of snow on the ground. It was partially covered in snow and ice, but when I inhaled, that one little piece of pink fabric told me all I needed to know.

_**She was here.**_

_Jake, what is it?_ Leah asked, picking up on my thoughts and seeing the scrap of material through my eyes. She began jogging over in my direction.

_Hey, is that what I think it is Jake?_ Seth asked quietly, he must have phased when I did. He tried to stay in wolf form when I talked to Sam so he could get an update on Olivia and how she was doing back at his mom's house in La Push.

_Yeah... _I answered him, barely able to find my inner voice in the sudden wave of relief that overtook me at the sight of the pink scrap of material. It was a piece of Nessie's University of Alaska hoodie, the same one she had been wearing the day she was taken. It still smelled like her. I greedily inhaled whatever tiny bit of her scent was still on it as it lingered in the air, feeling my lungs fill and my chest expand with the first real breath I had taken in twelve long days.

Leah reached me first and immediately headed toward the fabric to check it out.

_Don't._ I said forcefully and watched her entire body still and freeze in my periphery. Her front right paw was still suspended mid-air and she couldn't even rotate her head in my direction when she spoke.

_Geeze Jake, I wasn't going to touch it... lay off the alpha command crap for a while would you? _Leah practically barked at me, half serious, half in humour.

_Just don't go anywhere near it Leah. We shouldn't touch it yet. I want you and Seth to go and wake Quil, Embry and the others. Her scent is too weak to tell which direction she was going in from this spot, so I want you to divide yourselves into two groups. Seth, you can join me on this side of the clearing. Leah, you take Embry and Quil on the other. Divide the young one's between us. I want you to fan out, give yourselves about ten feet between each other, no more because the scent is old and so weak, and we don't want to miss anything. We'll keep searching in opposite directions until we find something that tells us where she was headed or where she was coming from. At the first scent or sight of __**anything**__ freeze and wait until I get to you to check it out._

I waited until I heard their acknowledgement before sitting back on my haunches and letting out a loud, urgent howl. Most of the vamps were nearby and could hear me easily, but I had no idea where Edward and Bella were. They needed to hear me, so they could make their way back to see this.

Within seconds Carlisle, Esme, Garrett, Kate, Rosalie, and Emmett were at my side, staring at the tiny piece of snow-covered pink fabric.

Blondie immediately made a move toward it; she must have smelled Nessie's scent on it. It looked like she wanted to investigate. I growled loudly and bared my teeth at her, silently daring the Police Bitch of Forks County to tempt me by moving even an inch closer. She froze and sneered at me at the same time that Carlisle put a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"He's right Rosalie, we shouldn't touch it just yet. We need to have a look around, and see what we can figure out about how it got here first." Carlisle said quietly.

Rosalie snarled lightly and huffed before stalking back a few feet toward Emmett, muttering snide comments about guard dogs and puppy training schools under her breath. I ignored her, and shifted my attention back to the tiny piece of fabric that was the only shred of hope I'd had in twelve days.

Without any further discussion everyone in the group began their search, quickly ghosting around at vampire speed checking trees, brush and the surrounding grounds. I stayed where I was, not willing to let that little piece of pink fabric out of my sight, not wanting to move an inch from where I could still breathe her scent until Seth got back with the others.

When he did make his way back the vamps had split up, moving out in a circular formation from where the little swatch of fabric still sat. I ordered the youngest member of my pack, thirteen year old Nate, to stand watch over it and guard it with his life while Seth, Austen and I headed out in the opposite direction that Leah and the others had gone. We hadn't even gotten a mile out when I heard someone ghosting through the trees at supernatural speed in the near distance. I sank back a bit onto my hind legs and felt my senses heighten as they searched for any clue about who or what might be coming our way. I heard myself snarl lightly under my breath.

"Jacob," Edward said quietly from a distance.

I shook my head and cursed at myself for being such an idiot. Of course it was Edward and Bella. I had howled for them almost fifteen minutes ago. They were making their way back.

"What's going on?" He asked. His voice was rushed and strained.

_I wandered off a bit after I woke up to wait for Sam to contact me. I found this. _I showed him the piece of pink cotton fleece in my mind as I spoke. _It's a piece of the sweatshirt she was wearing the day she was taken, _I thought quietly, _her scent is still on it. _

Edward and Bella reached where I was at that moment and stood in front of me, hand in hand. We quickly ran back to where I had found the fabric and when we got there I sent Nate to search with the others. I saw the strain that I heard in Edward's voice when he greeted me on both of their faces. Until the day Nessie went missing I had never seen them be anything but happy or at least _comfortable_ in each other's presence. Since that day though, they seemed to be a bit distant, not quite as connected as they used to be. It was nice to see them holding hands again...

And then I sighed internally. They should be grateful to have each other to see them through this. They've got their 'parents' – if that's what you could call Carlisle and Esme, their 'brothers and sisters', their friends, but most of all they had each other.

I had my pack, and Leah and the guys were great, but it wasn't the same. It's hard to lean on people for support when you're their leader. They looked to me for guidance. But who would I look to for support without _her_? She was always my voice of reason... she made everything so clear... she gave me direction just by being with me. She was always there for me, knowing just what I needed to be able to focus, think and act like the leader I should be. I wasn't half the leader I needed to be without her. Even if I was just talking and she was listening, like the night before my dad's funeral, she was helping me.

_And now I have no one._

With that thought, the pain was back... and strong. It rolled over me like a tidal wave, sweeping every bit of warmth and light away with it, quickly leaving my body in a state of cold, bereft, and singularly excruciating nothingness. It was such a sharp contrast from the small bit of warmth I felt inhaling her scent, that my breath caught, my lungs and heart stopped functioning, and for a moment, I thought I would cave, and let it crush me.

Instead, I cringed and turned my eyes away from Edward and Bella, back toward the tiny pink piece of hope I'd found, and inhaled a greedy, shaky breath, taking in whatever little piece of her I could.

I heard Edward draw in a sharp breath and grunt under his breath a little as my pain registered with him. I heard him drop Bella's hand, and then he was standing beside me.

"Jacob," he said, his voice softer and less angry than I'd heard him use with me since the day we left Alaska. I let my eyes flicker away from the fabric long enough to glance at his and acknowledge him. They were filled with compassion and even some remorse... I could still see the anger there, and a bit of resentment, but they were secondary to the good things. It only took half a second to register all of that before my eyes were once again looking at my tiny pink life preserver, the only thing keeping me from drowning in anger, pain and loneliness.

"We _will_ find her..." he stated simply, determinedly, vehemently "and..." he continued somewhat hesitantly "you're not alone."

I felt his cold hand pat my right shoulder once, then twice, before he went back to Bella and they joined the search with the others.

I took another breath, as deep as I could before the steel bands of anxiety around my chest made it painful, and slowly approached the space where it lay on the ground. I looked around, scanning the ground meticulously with my eyes, searching for any small clue as to when and how it got here. I inhaled again, smelling the earth, the fresh dampness of the clean snow, and _her_, slightly stronger now,on that tiny piece of cotton fleece. I got closer, heart speeding a bit, eyes now trained on the only piece of her I had seen in twelve days, and when I was about a half a foot away, I inhaled again, anxious to pull in the strongest whiff of her scent yet... and then I growled, long and low as my hackles rose and I shook in fury.

_I smelled blood. HER blood._

I felt and heard every member of my pack freeze, tense and growl or snarl in reaction to my thoughts.

Edward and Bella were back at my side almost instantaneously, Edward's quiet growl and ferocious expression mirroring my own.

I reached forward with my muzzle, closed my front teeth gently around the tiny triangle of pink, and pulled. As I pulled the snow surrounding the pink piece of fabric seemed to shift and fall away in slow motion, to reveal what was underneath it.

It was not just a tiny piece of her sweater.

It was the entire sweater - almost completely covered in snow.

I gently laid it down, zipper side up, to examine it. Edward and Bella hovered over it, near the hood, opposite from me. There were small spots of dried blood, _her blood_, on the front right hand side, spots ranging from the size of a pea to the size of walnut. I counted. Nine. There were nine spots. Bella was – crying – for lack of a better word, and lovingly fingering the hood of the sweater as we stood there, looking at the evidence of her pain.

_She's hurt. She was __**bleeding.**_

All four of my legs and paws felt like they were going numb, as I registered what this could mean. The blood was dried, and old. By my guess she was probably hurt the day she was taken, or soon after. It wasn't a big injury, but I didn't give a shit. No one, and I mean _fucking no one_, had the right to cause her pain.

_Edward_, I snarled under my breath, looking up to see the same sick realization flash over his face. He looked like I felt, frustrated and utterly fucking enraged at the thought.

"I know." He quipped, his voice tight, and strained.

If they were willing to hurt her, to make her _bleed_ on the first day they had her... what the hell were they doing to her now?

_Jake?_ _Sorry I'm late_. Sam's voice broke through my thoughts, startling me back from the murderously black place I had just been.

I responded to him without any greeting, just plunging headlong into telling him what we found before he could say another word.

_Shit. _ The tone of his reply reflected his own anger. He was never a huge fan of the Cullens, but had grown to like Nessie over the years, as she hung out with me in La Push. Emily loved spending time with her too, and of course, he knew what she meant to me. All of that combined made him just as invested in this as the rest of us.

_Listen, Jacob, now might not be the best time, but Jasper is insisting I ask you about something. He didn't say why, just that he wanted to confirm something._

Jasper and Alice had stayed behind in Juneau, deciding to keep an eye out for the rest of the girls Nessie knew there. Bella told me that Jasper had a hard time staying with us, that our feelings were just too strong, it was too much for him to deal with. But he and Alice still wanted to help. So they were trying to blend in at the university, acting like students who transferred in for their winter study session and keeping an eye on our friends and acquaintances. The secondary reason for them being there was to drop Nessie's name casually into conversation once in a while, and say they were friends of hers, who wanted to look her up because they heard she was attending school there, and ask if anyone knew how to get in touch with her. Each time they did that Jasper would get a feel for their emotional response to the mention of her name. Since Amber had somehow been involved in all of this, we were all wondering if anyone else might have been too. This would be one way of finding out.

_What does he want to know? _I asked wondering who they could have come across, and worried about whether or not anyone else we met had gone missing.

_Does the name Connor Miller ring a bell with you?_

I snarled and immediately thought back to the last time I had seen the blonde fucker... in _my _living room, smirking at me, after kissing _my _girl.

I hear Edward growl lightly in response to my thoughts.

_What the FUCK has that prick Connor done now, Sam?_ I spat.

_Jesus Jake, _Seth chimed in furiously after hearing me spit Connor`s name out at Sam, _if he was involved in this – I`ll kill the bastard myself._

I ignored him and focused on Sam, who said he was getting details from Jasper. Only... Jasper should have been in Alaska.

_Sam, _I asked, interrupting, _what the hell is Jasper doing in La Push?_

_Sorry Jake, things have been really hectic here for the last hour or so. Jasper and Alice came back from Alaska unannounced with some human baggage by the name of Connor Miller about an hour ago. They came straight here, knowing that I was going to talk with you this afternoon. Jasper said he didn't want to use the cell phones, something about them not being safe. Anyway, he told me that him and Alice were on campus, casually asking about Nessie, and Connor and a group of his friends overheard. Jasper said Connor panicked, and he felt guilt coming off of him in waves. Once they were able to get him alone they got him to talk a bit. He says that Connor has information, that he's been involved in this for a while. It's how he found out that we couldn't use the phones safely. He says they're being monitored. _

For a minute I said nothing. I allowed the blistering waves of fury to roll over me. I imagined myself torturing and killing that fucking bastard in at least a dozen different, but similarly painful, ways. I was right about him from the start. My instincts told me that he was up to no good right from that very first day. I should have acknowledged the hidden malice I saw in him, should have recognized that superior look he gave me after he kissed her as a bigger threat.

Was _this_ the plan he spoke of that day in the locker room? I should have killed him that day. I should have killed him again that afternoon outside of Spikes. And I should have ripped him to shreds the night I found him in our home, with his filthy hands and mouth on her.

But I didn't. The anger and guilt I felt over letting that fucker walk away unharmed, even if it was at her request, seethed and bubbled beneath my skin. She asked me to let him go... and I shouldn't have listened.

But I knew what I had to do now.

He was going to tell us everything he knew... and then he was going to _**pay**_.

I glanced up at Edward, looking for confirmation that he would help with the plan I was forming in my head. He nodded as his lip curled up at the side into a deadly smirk of satisfaction. Once I knew he was on board, I gave my instructions to Sam.

_Bring him to me._

**RPOV**

"_Jake..." I begged in a whisper, "help me. Please..." I whimpered outwardly, my voice floating away from me in the dark, "please help me." I was fighting the black, trying to see through the fog... but it was too much. I couldn't find him. And I was so tired... too tired._

_He faded into the darkness. It was black again, and cold. I felt my hopes drop to the soles of my feet and shatter, breaking away, pulverized... gone._

I woke up in a bit of a daze, blinking furiously as the harsh light in the room momentarily blinded me and hurt my eyes.

_Wait... light? _

I tensed, and moved to sit up quickly before feeling the room spin and my head swim. I quickly gave up on sitting and rolled over to lie on my back, as my eyes slowly adjusted to the first light I had seen since I arrived in this place.

I inhaled deeply as a drop ceiling with harsh fluorescent lighting started to come into focus. My sense of smell registered many things... bleach, cheap cotton, metal but most of all... _blood. _But it smelled different than the blood I had been tortured with, it was cooler, and not as rich or tangy as it should have been – it wasn't fresh. It smelled more like the donated human blood grandfather Carlisle used to get for me when I was younger.

I cringed and forced myself to hold my breath immediately, not wanting to experience the excruciating burn again. I had all but suffocated from a parched throat and the searing burn after their last attempt to get me to drink blood. I realized that my skin no longer stung from where I had scratched it raw, so I must have been sleeping long enough for it to heal a bit.

My eyes had fully adjusted at that point so I rolled my head a bit, slowly so that I didn't get dizzy again, and looked around. It looked like I was in a makeshift surgery room. The walls were a pale green tile, the cupboards, counter with a small sink, small rolling table and bed a few feet away from mine all made of stainless steel. The combination of smells that I had breathed in indicated that the room was sterile.

I wondered briefly if this was where all of the 'births' happened. It would explain the smell of old blood and bleach, as well as the sterile environment.

I rolled my head lightly to my left and squeaked out a yelp.

There was a bag of blood, still closed, lying on a small metal rolling table to the side of my bed. It was exactly the same sort of medical packaging grandfather used to get the donated blood in. I cringed and shifted away from the tempting blood. Cool or not, I knew it would satiate my thirst, but I wasn't aware of how it got into that bag, and given what I had seen since I had been here, I highly doubted it was willingly donated.

I rolled over, desperate to get the blood out of my sight, when something even more shocking caught my eye. On a second table, to the right of my bed, was a small plate with four slices of whole wheat bread and a very large glass of water.

_Food! _ I thought as relief washed through me. _Real food! _My body was rejoicing, already salivating from the smell and sight of the blood. Compared to that, this prisoner's meal would taste like cardboard, but it would fill my aching stomach, and hopefully ease the lightheaded state I had been in since I woke up.

I felt my left arm eagerly reach over towards the first meal I had seen in _so long_, before my brain was shouting at me to stop and think about what I was doing. I knew I was starving, but what if it was a trap? What if they had put something in the water or the bread... something to harm me, or something to affect the way I think or act so that I would give in to what they wanted? I had heard that there were several drugs that could affect humans that way. I wasn't sure if there was anything that would affect my body like that too. And I couldn't trust my captors to do anything genuinely nice... it would do _him_ no good to have my strength return and my body functioning normally.

No, I could not trust either of the small meals left at my side. I sighed deeply and rolled onto my back once again. I felt my eyes prick and go dry, knowing that I was still too dehydrated to cry real tears. I growled and banged my fists against the thin mattress below me.

"Renesmee," I heard _him _say softly. I gasped and rolled my head back toward my left, forcing myself to look beyond the bag of blood and into the amused eyes of my captor.

He was standing just in front of the door, legs apart, arms folded over his torso like the last time he had come to see me, but I barely took notice of anything else about him. My eyes had zeroed in on what was hanging from his right hand. The scent filled my nose, clouded my mind and warmed my heart... right before it froze in terror.

_He was holding Jacob's shirt._

Thanks for reading.

~H


	43. Secrets, Lies & Sacrifice

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Nessie's strength and Jake's love and need for her in this chapter.**

_This chapter is flanked by chapter songs on both ends. This Muse song was actually my inspiration for the PoD's character. If you've never heard it, go check it out. It sets the mood for his character and the pace for his portion of the chapter._

_And Yellow by Coldplay... I cried while writing Jake's POV and listening to this. So did my bet, shepeppy. I'm sure most, if not all of you have heard it. Try reading his second POV while listening to it on repeat... and keep some Kleenex handy._

**Chapter 43 – Secrets, Lies & Sacrifice**

**Chapter Songs: MK Ultra ~ Muse (PoD) and Yellow ~ Coldplay (Jacob 2****nd**** POV)**

The wavelength gently grows  
Coercive notions re-evolve  
A universe is trapped inside a tear  
It resonates the core  
Creates unnatural laws  
Replaces love and happiness with fear

Oooo

How much deception can you take  
How many lies will you create  
How much longer until you break  
Your mind's about to fall

And they're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
We are losing control

They're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
Now we're falling  
We are losing control

Invisible to all  
The mind becomes a wall  
All of history deleted with one stroke

Oooo

How much deception can you take  
How many lies will you create  
How much longer until you break  
Your mind's about to fall

And they're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
They're breaking through  
Now we're falling  
We are losing control  
_**MK Ultra ~ Muse (PoD POV)**_

**JPOV**

_Jacob,_ Sam said urgently before I could cut off my connection to him.

_Yeah Sam? _I said through gritted teeth.

_Jasper just told me to tell you... _his voice was cautious and low, but I could sense the anger and hostility in his tone, _he said Connor thinks she's in Nunavut._

_That motherfucking bastard! _I yelled in my thoughts as Edward and the other wolves growled in agreement,_ He KNEW? HE FUCKING KNEW WHERE SHE WAS THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME!_

_Jake! _Quil's urgent plea brought me out of my fit of rage towards Connor and snapped me back to reality momentarily.

_We've got a couple of scents here. Not Nessie's, but new, and definitely half-vampire. We're picking up at least two. We're about five miles north of where you guys are. _

I shook my head quickly, almost dizzy with the amount of new information and progress made over the course of the last hour or so. I suddenly realized that we might be a lot closer to her than I had originally thought. Hope began spreading through my veins like a small wildfire in the brush, its flames starting out in my fingers and toes, freeing them from their frozen and heavy state, before slowly creeping up my limbs, inch by inch.

_Sam, gotta go, we've got something here,_ I said brusquely, not bothering to listen to his reply before turning my attention back to Quil.

_Stay where you are. We'll be there in under ten. _I replied to Quil before glancing over at the others. My pack was already in position, ready to move on my command. I ordered Nate to stand in the back of the crowd and carry Nessie's sweater with him then looked over at Edward to see that the vamps had packed everything from our makeshift camp in the clearing and were almost ready to go.

_Let's move, _I huffed and broke into a sprint. We tore through trees and brush at lightning speed for over three miles. I felt branches and limbs of trees brushing and scratching my legs, my face, my body. I felt the cold ice and snow beneath my paws as they flew over the earth, faster than I ever had before. I felt the single-minded determination of my entire back behind me, running with me, eager and excited to get to our goal. But... _more_ than that... more than _anything_ else – I felt a sense of direction, of rightness. For the first time in twelve long days, I felt _alive_. I let myself feel it, let it fuel me and my pack behind me, let it ignite our strength and determination, and growled lightly under my breath as it began to rage through me, turning the smouldering amount of hope into a wild and raging inferno, before bursting through the tree line and sprinting across snow and ice.

The pale and weak light of the quarter moon and the tiny dotted map of stars guided our way as the days small amount of sunlight abruptly ended, blackening the sky here for longer than it did in most other places in the world. We jumped over giant craters in the ice, leaping over them easily, and sprinted around a very large, snow and ice-covered rock outcropping before meeting up with Quil and Embry.

I skidded to a stop, reaching them just a few seconds before all of the others, vamps included, and inhaled deeply. Two completely new, sweet and light half-vampire scents filled my nostrils. I shifted my nose farther north and began tracking them without a word. The others had caught up by now and were doing the same.

We worked at top speed, following those two scents until they were gradually joined by others. Vampires and wolves were exclaiming left and right about catching more half and full vampire scents, and surprisingly, the occasional _human_ scent as well.

We ran for just over twenty minutes when in the distance, just in front of a new and large forest tree line, I spotted a large building. It was easily one city block long and rectangular, two stories high and reminded me of a large but low apartment building. It was simple and nondescript, covered in white siding and nothing else. Even the windows were plain, all of them sporting the same white blinds.

I came to a sudden stop, knowing that the others would catch up with me in seconds so we could head in together – because I knew this was it.

_She's here._

I felt it – I felt _her. _There was no other way to explain why my heart suddenly felt like it could beat its regular rhythm, or why my lungs were capable of drawing full breaths, but most of all, _I felt the pull. _

Like metal to a magnet, I was drawn to it – to her. I heard the sound of my paws shuffling slightly on the snow before I realized that they were slowly moving forward, taking me to her – without me telling them to.

"Jacob," Edward said as he reached me and placed a hand on my shoulder, applying pressure to hold me in place. I whined involuntarily, not having the ability to stop moving. I needed to go to her – she needed me – I could _feel_ it.

He winced and tensed, obviously picking up on things going on inside of the building. "She's... ahhhhh..." he hissed and tightened his hold on me as I began shaking in reaction to whatever he was picking up in her mind. It was bad – really fucking bad. He was paler than the snow covered ground around us and his face was drawn in pain. For once he looked like the ancient man he was, as his worry and concern for her settled in to every feature of his face. He shook his head, as though trying to clear it.

"We have to wait for the others Jacob," Edward tried to reason with me through gritted teeth, his grip on me tightening, "we've got to pull back a minute and come up with a plan before they realize we're here," he said and began pulling me in the opposite direction, towards the shelter of a large ice boulder and the others.

I growled under my breath and planted my feet.

_Hell fucking no, Edward, _I seethed, and then snapped at the hand that was still trying to pull me back with my teeth. I nipped the back of it before he could pull it away and heard him hiss loudly.

He wanted to _wait_. _To fucking wait_? _And talk and plan? Was he fucking kidding me_? I had had _enough_ of the waiting and planning. This was where I drew the line. She was there, less than a mile away from me, and she was suffering – I could feel it in my bones, in the almost _desperate_ way I needed to go to her. She needed me – and there was _nothing_ and _no one_ that was going to hold me back.

_If you want to wait, go right the fuck ahead, _I replied, just in case the rest of my thoughts weren't clear enough for him,_ but my pack and I are going in. _

I didn't bother listening to protests from him or anyone else, just took a survey of what was in front of me and decided that we would spread out around the building, effectively surrounding it, and then approach at once. We would make our way toward the big building and then sniff out her scent. I _knew _she had to be in there – maybe on the right side, near the end. It was where I was being pulled to.

We would find and follow her scent, the first and only priority to find her and get her out. The first one to her would get her out as quickly as possible while the others warded off any kind of fight they may put up against us.

I heard Edward sigh deeply and then quietly agree before filling the vamps in on my impromptu plan, and then make amendments for Bella, Kate's and his gifts. Bella was to hang back from the crowd and stay out of sight, trying to shield each of the vamps, and me – and therefore my pack – while Kate would be in the front lines with Emmett, Rosalie and Garrett as our first line of defence. Carlisle and Esme would join them, but Carlisle was to stay out of danger as much as possible in case we needed his services after finding her.

I looked over at Edward and caught his eye, now nearly black with determination to find his daughter and the desire to maim or kill whoever had taken her. I'm sure mine echoed the same sentiments, but louder. We nodded and then ordered our respective groups to begin spreading out, stalking forward quickly.

_I'm coming, baby, _I whispered to myself, as if she could hear me, _just hold on – I'm almost there._

**Prince of Darkness POV **

I heard Drakes footsteps, slightly heavy and somewhat sharp, much like his demeanour, as he walked the short hall to my office. He paused momentarily outside of the door. I took that as a bad sign. He very rarely hesitated. The fact that he had paused before knocking, even for a second, was enough to displease me.

_Surely she could not __**still **__be resisting_?

"Come in." I spat, allowing my displeasure to seep into my voice. There was so much planning and preparation put into this process. I spent nearly a year observing her. I combined my observations with what I learned while talking to my sister of sorts, Anelie, about what she knew of Renesmee and her family. There were things that I knew for certain about my intended queen. And all evidence pointed to the fact that her one weakness would be the people that she loved. I also knew that she craved blood. She had been observed hunting with that giant rust-coloured wolf-man of hers. She would not have been hunting if she didn't crave it or need it on some level. We all needed it. The half vampires here were no exception. Male and female alike drank blood on a regular basis.

Drake entered and snapped the door shut behind him with a quick thud. His blonde hair, half fallen out of it's usual state in a rubber band, was the only physical evidence of his dishevelled mental state. He stopped just inside the door with his gaze steadily fixed on a spot just to the left of my face. His eyes and expression were incriminatingly blank.

He was hiding from me.

I growled lightly under my breath, decidedly _not_ amused with his attempts to block me out.

He could try for as long as he liked. I would probe – and wait.

Drake knew better than anyone how to block my gift. He had been born only six months after I was turned and began my existence as a vampire. Drake is my creator's son. As a male, he was considered by my creator to be an asset, and was therefore retrieved from his vessel immediately after he was born and brought to us for proper upbringing and training. After my first year was over, and my newborn bloodlust gave way to a small semblance of sanity and normality, I was able to focus on perfecting my gift, under my creator's guidance. Drake was my most commonly used subject. As a male vampire-human hybrid he was the ideal candidate because he possessed many physiological qualities that belonged to both species. I learned to extract people's utmost fears by delving into a psyche that was both vast and complex like full vampires, and changeable – guided by emotion like humans – at the same time.

As time passed and we began laying the groundwork to put our plan into action, my creator insisted that I begin resistance training. He coached Drake in the art of concealing his fear, and in turn, coached me in the art of breaking down his barriers and extracting what I needed, despite his resistance. We continued this training until the abrupt end of my creator's existence. It was no longer – _prudent_ – to continue such training after that. With me assuming my place as head of the colony, I felt it wise to discontinue any training that might help any of my subordinates to resist me. I knew that at some point they were all likely to be subjected to my powers, with good reason. And this day was no exception.

Drake was my most trusted advisor for many reasons. Having been raised and taught well by the same man, he and I were like-minded in that we understood how emotional attachments could weaken a person's strength of will and hinder their ability to focus on their priorities. We both recognized the value in remaining unattached to everyone and everything. Attachments had no place in a world like ours. We lived for success and found our way to it many times through the failings of others – namely when they could not separate their feelings from the situation at hand. He and I both knew that this, above all else, was essential in succeeding with the plan to cultivate and grow the colony.

As I stood and observed Drake, waiting patiently for him to make the first move, I pondered his reasons for avoiding my gift. Surely he had failed to make her drink, yet again. He was most likely afraid of my reaction to the news when I heard it. It took him a while to recover from my consequence for him the last time he failed me, when I had sent him and the others to capture her and her wolf man on New Year's Eve. His reaction now, however, led me to believe this was about more than just hiding the fact that he had failed to make her drink. He would have known that I would be prepared for either outcome on that front, and that I could find out what it was without him sharing it with me if I needed to. So the fact that he was blocking me was more than a bit concerning.

_Yes, _I thought wryly, _that's it. This is something else entirely. There's more to this, and it isn't good._

I sneered and focused on his face as I hurled out the words I knew would make him waiver – if only for a second.

"What are you hiding from me _brother_ of mine." I spat the familiar title out at him as a subtle reminder of the fact that as well as he knew how to avoid me with resistance, _I_ knew how to make him falter.

And he did.

As I muttered the word 'brother' he was momentarily panicked by my not-so-subtle reminder of our familiarity and my ability to get around his best efforts to block me out.

I felt the venom boil and rush through my veins as my anger hit record highs and my enraged roar filled the room. Drake immediately sank into a crouch planting himself behind the large black leather chair that sat in the middle of my sparsely decorated office. My vision turned black with hatred and disgust as I marvelled at his stupidity. I may have been a certified genius in my human life – I knew my intellect was far superior to Drakes – but even _he_ should have known that what he just showed me was an example of idiocy in its truest form! He left her sweatshirt, bloodied from cleaning her face after he struck her on the way here, on the ground in the snow – not even _fifteen feet_ from where her family and their pet mutts were currently taking time to regroup. And how they got there was an even worse display of idiocy – Drake and Adrian had been _followed_. A vampire with a gift that didn't allow him to be tracked had been followed, and because the imbecile of a half-vampire in front of me had allowed it, we were in danger of being invaded or attacked at a moment's notice.

His carelessness could have cost us _everything_!

"Joaquin, it's not as bad as it seems." He blurted out in a hushed murmur, obviously trying to defend himself.

I growled and sunk forward into my own crouch, taking in his defensive stance with my narrowed eyes, trying to decide my quickest form of attack. 'Brother' or not, he would be punished for his stupidity. All of our plans, all of our hard work, were in serious danger of falling apart.

Her family and that pack of wolves was gathered in a clearing merely _twenty-five _miles from where I was standing at that moment. It would take nothing short of a miracle for things to work in my favour now. I was sure that if they even got a few miles closer her father would be able to pick up on our thoughts. They could be here in under half an hour. And then all of our plans would have been in vain. _She had not yet given in. _

As I debated which form of attack would inflict the slowest and most intense amount of pain, he continued. I would allow him his explanation. I always did. I needed to extract whatever useful information I could get from him before I silenced him for good.

"Her family is more talented than Anelie led us to believe," Drake continued desperately. "She told us about the mindreading father, the empath and the psychic. She even told us about the psychic's inability to see hybrids. But what she did _not_ share is that the mother is a shield, and she's fucking _good_ Joaquin. She can project. _She blocked Adrian's gift_." His voice rose with desperation and anger the closer he got to the end of his explanation. It was clear that he knew what was coming at the end of it and was trying to avoid it at all costs. "They were able to follow our trail with Adrian's human girl from Alaska, and it led them to the clearing just miles from here. But they've stopped. They must have lost the scent – it's too old by now. They won't know where to go next. Adrian and I took the route you described, it was misleading, as you intended it to be. They won't know where to go to find us. It wasn't our fault that we were tracked, there was no way we could have known. We followed all of your instructions to the letter."

He looked into my eyes as I sized him up to decide whether or not he was still withholding anything useful from me. His facial expression and state of mind abruptly shifted from fear to rage and acceptance as he realized that I was not going to be buying his sob story about the mother's surprising gift. He had failed, and most likely ruined our chances at keeping Renesmee... there was no chance of talking his way out of this one.

"Even _Joham_ did not know about the mother." He spat, his eyes flaring as he took his last opportunity to use my creator's - _his father's_ - name out loud, knowing the consequences. If the cloaked one's heard it, even in my thoughts, I would be eliminated on the spot. They made that quite clear when they arrived to terminate my creator. They were under the impression that the plan to create a colony of hybrids was entirely his. They eliminated him for disobeying their orders and ignoring their guidance in the matter. He was supposed to have been providing them with updates on our progress, and did, but only confessed to _half_ of the breeding he had actually done. The cloaked ones were concerned that there was too much exposure to humans in taking so many human women to be vessels for his offspring. The only reason they did not eliminate Drake and I along with him was that I sensed their fear about having to deal with the hybrids and the rest of the colony if they were left unattended, and immediately used it to my advantage. They forged a new agreement with me, after a bit persuasion on my part, to continue my creator's breeding experiment, so long as I worked within their regulations, and promised never to speak of him again - ever. I promised them, and I had followed through on that promise knowing that they were just as willing to follow through on their threats as I am. I could sense from the small blonde one and her eerily calm sibling that they were weary of being associated with my creator in any way. Since that day his name has been banned in my presence.

They had no knowledge of my plan for Renesmee, however. My knowledge of her presence came shortly after my creator had been eliminated, through Drake's sister Anelie when she came to visit. She knew nothing of our plans to continue with her father's work, and therefore had thought nothing of revealing Renesmee's existence to us. It was unfortunate that she was not amenable to our plans once she did find out. I had to have her eliminated shortly afterwards - she threatened to tell her precious brother _Nahuel,_ who was friends with Renesmee and her family, and who would undoubtedly have come to her defence.

She proved useful first, of course. Adrian used her to help guide him to the big russet wolf's house on the reservation in Seattle. She knew how to get to the general area. Nahuel had apparently informed Anelie where they were because she was interested in seeing how the animal drinking family Renesmee belonged to lived – she was interested in joining their lifestyle. So Adrian let her lead him to Forks, where they were easily able to find the reservation based on the wolves scents. Once they were on the reservation in La Push they quickly found the russet wolf's home based on his scent alone. Adrian had been to Alaska, because we learned from Anelie that the wolf and Renesmee had been living there, and caught his scent there easily. Once they were near La Push, they merely had to follow the scent to his home.

Anelie guided Adrian to the reservation under the pre-tense that they were going to do some research about the wolves – for scientific purposes – seeing as that's what she thought we were; scientists like her father. We allowed her to think that Adrian would let her make her way to Renesmee's family after they were done. She didn't realize that we were trying to gather information about the wolves to use to our advantage when trying to obtain Renesmee.

We would have taken Renesmee from Alaska, but we didn't have enough information about the wolves and what their strengths were... I wasn't going to chance it. We also knew that there was another coven of animal drinking vampires in the vicinity who were apparently looking out for her. It was too much of a gamble for me. I preferred to make a move on my own terms.

Apparently Anelie figured out our plan while she and Adrian were still in the wolf's house obtaining the documents. She attempted to fight Adrian for the documented legends he was attempting to take. We knew that if records of the legends were to be found anywhere it would be in their chief's home – and we were right. In the meantime the old man had managed to set fire to his home the second he sensed what sorts of 'visitors' he had in the middle of the night. I had to admit, it was a clever strategy. The old man must have known he would die in the attempt to burn the vampires locked in a struggle in his living room, but he was willing to do it to achieve his goal.

Fortunately for us, Adrian – being a full vampire - was able to incapacitate Anelie before she could get to him. It wasn't immediate though, because she was a skilled fighter, with a gift for repelling unwanted advances. Fortunately Adrian knew this and managed to find a way around it. She burned along with the old man that night - her silly emotional mistake in defending Renesmee and the wolves, _creatures she hadn't even met_, cost her the rest of her existence. But there had been mistakes made on Adrian's part too. The documents had not made it unscathed. They were burnt as well, only half of them made it back to me.

I shook my head at the stupidity of it. Both Anelie and the old man died trying to protect sacred documents that belonged to shape-shifting dogs who were in allegiance with animal-drinking vampires. It was the most ridiculous and disgusting display of emotional attachment I had ever seen.

Drake scoffed at my obvious irritation, bringing me back to the present. I was tired of his stupidity and insolence. It was time to get rid of him – for good.

I roared and lunged at him as he spat the rest of his explanation at me.

"The _boy_ has been apprehended by them as well. It's only a matter of time before they reach you." He hurled at me vindictively as he threw the leather chair toward my rapidly approaching form. It was the only obstacle, his only way to delay before I reached him. It was useless really, except to provide him with the seconds he needed to tell me about the human boy. I swore under my breath as I reached him, berating him verbally while twisting and pulling at his limbs. He, as a half vampire, was no match for me.

I felt my entire being flame with vindication and satisfaction as I heard his screams. His pupils dilated in his eyes as he gave himself over to the pain. It was not as slow as I would have liked. He had cleverly left me with as little time as possible to carry out his fate, knowing that her family was so close.

As I twisted his last appendage off, his left arm, I stared at his writhing torso, his head jerking around in spasms of pain, and decided better of ripping his head off just yet. I tossed his limbs one by one into the fireplace in my office as he watched, before lighting one of his hands and throwing it in on top of the pile. He watched as his appendages burned. He would die slowly this way. Unlike full vampires, half vampires would expire if they were ripped apart – females much more easily than males because they would simply bleed to death. Males, however, would writhe in pain, while the venom in their system attempted to repair what was left of their body, before their heart pumped too much of it out of their open wounds. It was an excruciating and slow process – perfect for just such an 'occasion'.

I slipped the lighter back in my pocket and left him there, writhing, rolling and screaming on my floor – a not so subtle warning to any of the others who might think of defying me as I resorted to Plan B. There was only one way my plan was going to work now.

I walked swiftly over to my desk and unlocked my top drawer. I removed the dog's t-shirt from it's sealed bag, grimacing at the scent as it filled the air. I had the foresight to have one of my colony fathers obtain a few articles of clothing from the woods after Renesmee's man morphed into a wolf, when they had first gone on the run. I had a feeling it would come in handy some day. I smoothed my facial expression and made my way to the birthing room where Drake had brought Renesmee. She may have resisted his every attempt to make her see reason but I knew her greatest weakness – she would be powerless to resist _me_.

_By the time her family arrived she would be __**begging **__them to allow her to stay_.

~~~000~~~

"Where did you get that?" she rasped, her voice scratchy and broken. I took in her thin and shaking form with amused interest, noticing a certain sparkle in her eye for the first time since she arrived. It made its appearance at the same time that her fear began to flow through her mind. I smirked. If the sight of the dog's shirt produced this kind of reaction, the rest would truly be easy. She loved him to a fault - and more importantly, to _my benefit_.

I ignored her slightly comical shift onto the floor and into a half-crouch. I knew it was instinctual, but there was nothing threatening about a woman so thin and weak crouching in attack or defence. She was a half vampire to begin with, and at this stage of her starvation she posed no more of a threat to me than the average human did.

I began walking towards her slowly, taking in her increasingly large breaths, and intrigued by her fixation on the piece of black cotton clothing in my hand. She was utterly transfixed on it. Her eyes had not moved from it since she spotted it. She seemed to be inhaling the pungent scent of it in gulps, as if she couldn't get enough of it.

I stopped a few feet away from her, on the opposite side of the table with the bagged blood Drake had left for her.

"We ran into a _friend _of yours. Perhaps you recognize the scent." I said slowly and quietly, all the while waiting for her reaction.

Her fear spiked into terror for a small moment before she worked to control it. I could tell by her heart rate and the sharp-moving, yet flexible control her mind exercised over the fear that she was actively working to suppress it. Years of living with an empath and a mind reading father had probably prepared her well for this moment.

My smirk grew into a small, one-sided smile as I thought about the fun I could have with her over the next few minutes, and possibly for an eternity, as I learned to wear her down. What an interesting challenge she had proven to be.

She was very clever - and at the same time very revealing. By working so hard to suppress her fears she was inadvertently letting me know that this was the one that affected her most. She hadn't attempted to control herself around me yet. But none of the other threats had to do with her precious boyfriend. I refused to think of that dog as her mate. She would be mated to _me_.

"I already told you, my love. We ran into him. Apparently he was searching for you. We may have helped him find his way a little." I stopped there, after revealing my lies as believable matters-of-fact and waited for her to jump to her own conclusions. I wasn't sure how clearly she was thinking, her hunger would definitely have affected her thought processes by that point. I wasn't entirely sure that she would be thinking lucidly enough to play along. _But as usual - she did not disappoint_.

A low, raspy growl rattled through her chest and up her throat as she narrowed her eyes at me and considered the cards that I had laid on the table for her. My smile widened wickedly, knowing that she was playing along nicely, right into my deception.

"_What have you done with him?"_ she spat, as her heart rate increased and the control she had on her fear momentarily slipped.

In that moment of clarity, when her fear was open for me to read, I felt a primal, raw sensation of terror rip through mind. It was intense and staggering. She was literally _deathly_ afraid of something happening to him.

_My, my, my_ I thought excitedly, _this is even better than I had planned._

I waited for a moment, allowing her to regain control over herself and feel a small sense of peace and satisfaction before hammering the final nail in the coffin she held her hope in. Experience told me that fear was heightened when an unexpected blow was dealt to someone with a sense of security. It was a matter of falling from greater heights, so to speak. The fall would be faster and longer – and the impact greater when she hit rock bottom.

So after a few moments, when she had regained control and a small sense of hope and confidence, I delivered my last and final attempt at persuading her to do my bidding.

"Why Renesmee, he's here of course. I told him we would help him find-"

"How is that even possible?" she spat suspiciously, cutting me off. I chuckled. She was too smart for her own good.

I thought quickly about the information I had been given about the hunting party sent to find her, and then threw my answer at her before she could realized I was making it up as I went along.

"He had separated himself from the group. We've been tracking them, the wolves and your family, and leading them around on a fruitless search." I stated, observing her closely as she processed what I was telling her. "We decided to deal with them individually any time they managed to separate themselves from the group."

She grew paler and began to shake slightly, all over. I could tell by the way that she wobbled on her feet slightly that her strength was waning – along with her control over her mind. Fear and doubt began seeping in slowly washing away any sense of security.

I chose this moment to let her know in no uncertain terms what was in store for her 'beloved wolf'.

"He will remain my _guest_ and bear witness to _all _that I have planned for you. He seems intent on being part of your future, and you a part of his. As long as you both want it to be that way, I will not deny it. He will be a witness to _every single act_ you will perform as my queen – from now until the day one or both of you is no longer necessary."

I felt the tidal wave of fear rock through her. It was literally strong enough to bring her to her knees. I watched in near elation as she finally broke, crying dry tears from her dehydrated body, whispering words of defeat, pleas for mercy and begging for his release. She said she would do _anything_.

And I planned to take her up on that offer.

I was vaguely aware of some kind of commotion going on outside the room we were in. I had no doubt that the wolves and her family had arrived. I smirked again, knowing that my people were under strict instructions to capture the giant russet wolf at their first opportunity, should her search party ever find us – for the exact same purpose I had just outlined to her. With just a small amount of luck, he would be in our captivity any moment, and then _she_ would be at my complete mercy.

I sauntered forward, approaching her crumpled and defeated form slowly before crouching down to look her in the eye as I made my demands. As I crouched I caught a scent making it's way to me through the small opening under the door.

Renesmee snapped her head up at the same moment, apparently catching the scent just after I did.

_Smoke._

I realized what it was at the same time as I heard the panicked screams – along with a gasp of realization from Renesmee. Fear suddenly ran rabid through the minds of each and every member of the colony, momentarily rendering me useless as I dealt with the onslaught of the colony member's sudden plunges into terror. It was just a moment of weakness – perhaps not even two or three seconds long – but it had been enough.

She reached out her hand and gripped onto my bare arm with a surprising amount of strength.

Suddenly I was plunged headlong into a deluge of memories and _feelings_. Feelings of love and security – things I had never really dealt with on any level – rolled through me in a sharp and dizzying contrast to the pure unadulterated panic and horror of the members of my colony trying to escape or being consumed by the flames above us.

_Renesmee running along the beach as a small girl, the sun dancing off her skin, the sand and the waves. A feeling of intense happiness at being swept into the arms of her dog - Jacob Black - and being tossed up into the air. _

_Panicked realizations of exits blocked, fire filled hallways and rooms._

_Renesmee as a young lady of eleven or twelve, at her first rock concert, dancing and singing happily to the beat along with her friends and Jacob - feelings of freedom and security assaulted my mind._

_Sudden rushes of abject fear along with the realization of being trapped and consumed by flame._

I realized too slowly, unable to think clearly through the rush of opposing emotions pouring through me, that I had to get out of that room quickly. We were in a rather deep basement, and the fire was above us. If I didn't reach an exit soon the fire above us would spread and block us in – before taking us as its next victims.

I growled loudly in frustration as I stood nearly rooted to the spot. I was frozen and completely overwhelmed by the intense contrast of emotions coursing through me from the colony and from her. The panic and terror were familiar, and normally manageable, but I'd never experienced them on a scale this large. And the unfamiliar memories and emotions she sent my way... love, happiness, security, friendship, hope... gripped at my heart in a sickeningly painful way, and rivalled the terror of all of the others above me in their intensity and ferocity. I could not even force myself out of my crouch and away from her.

_I felt a sudden and unsettling burst of joy at Renesmee's realization that she had succeeded. If there was a fire in this building then she wanted __**me**__ to expire with it. Even at her own expense. _

I scoffed and snarled in frustration. She was just like the old man on the reservation, sacrificing himself by setting fire to his home to kill the 'enemy'.

_I heard a light growl from Renesmee's chest as her happy memories began flying out at me in rapid fire succession and intensified._

_More panic and desperately fearful waves of emotion slammed into me from above._

The fluorescent lights flickered off as the electricity failed. I began physically vibrating on the spot as I made every effort to control myself and at least manage my gift if I could not manage hers.

As if she knew what I was trying to do she began hurling memories at me at lightning speed –

_A kiss on a small bed in a small room, filled with months of passion, love and longing – _

_Dozens of sweet caresses and words of love whispered softly between her and her mate in the middle of the night, in comfort, in simplicity, in seduction - _

_Passionate, heated touches exchanged between her and her mate, exploring each other, growing closer and deepening their bond with each one – _

A loud bang as the door flew open, accompanied by a rush of smoke and flood of terror so strong I had to grit my teeth against it, rolled through the room, and along with it came the one face I wished I had never laid eyes on – the anguished and enraged face of the russet coloured wolf named Jacob Black.

I felt the almost all-consuming fear of the man-turned-wolf who was gazing at his mate's shrunken and motionless form on the floor, still grabbing tightly to my arm – contrasting severely with memories of impassioned and ardent love and euphoria from Renesmee as she thought back to _making love_ to her mate.

I screamed in near pain and frustration as the two singularly most intense and opposite sensations I had ever felt in my life warred in my mind.

I vaguely registered a loud and feral growl and a rush of fur and gnashing teeth - a fleeting moment of searing pain and – .

**JPOV**

I ran in a full out sprint, with the rest of the pack hot on my heels. The vampires followed closely behind, careful not to get too close to the building that was now quickly going up in flames. Somehow a fire had started from inside the building. I didn't know why or how it began, but it was going to hamper our rescue efforts because none of the vampires could go near it. My heart raced as my anxiety spiked when I realized at the same time that Nessie couldn't be near it either. It was even more dangerous to her because she was susceptible to smoke inhalation.

_I'm coming baby... shit. SHIT! Fire... not fucking good. _Once again I was asking myself why the universe couldn't just give us a damn break.

I growled loudly and picked up the pace, trying to push past a throng of vampires and half vampires that were headed in my direction. It seemed as though I was a bit of a target. Full and half vampires piled out of the building, and upon seeing us, made their way straight towards me.

"They've got their eye on Jacob – they want to use him to get to Renesmee. Cover him!" Edward shouted, clearly able to read their intentions in their thoughts.

I growled and sank my teeth into a skinny blonde half vampire that managed to slip by Embry as he fought off a full vampire to my left. I grabbed her by the throat with my teeth and flung her off to the side, barely breaking my sprint as I made my way toward the building. Edward, Emmett, Kate and Garrett along with Quil, Embry and Austen worked in front and all around me as I ran to fight off the approaching vamps and hybrid vamps and clear a path for me. Leah was hot on my heels. Seth, Rosalie, Esme and even Bella worked on capturing and incapacitating the ones who were trying to escape the building and the battle. Snarls, growls and the occasional scream or yelp filled the cold night air, along with the crackling and slowly growing roar of the fire in the building. It must have been made of wood throughout. It was lighting up like a pack of matches.

I approached a window and smashed it in with my front paws, turning my head to inhale my last full gulp of fresh air, before leaping inside. I found myself in an empty, smoke filled bedroom. I glanced around and found the door at the same time Leah made her way inside. I felt the pull grow stronger, felt my feet moving forward through the door, to the right and down the empty hallway – toward a door at the end of it.

I felt the heat around me increase to my left – _the fire_. It must have been making its way through the rooms on that side of the building. I stepped up my pace and ran into the door at the end of the hallway at a sprint, quickly knocking it open, and found myself standing at the top of a long, steep stairway. I was propelled down the stairs, running almost faster than my paws could take me. The lights flickered and died when I was almost at the bottom.

_She's here – so close – I can __**feel**__ her. The magnetic pull – it's humming. _

_Where are you, baby?_

I lunged forward, being pulled toward the door at the end of the hall, toward her and the strangled growl of a vampire, and burst through the door just as Leah hit the bottom of the stairs behind me.

I froze, taking in the sight before me.

She was there, lying on the floor in the middle of some sort of medical room, face down, her hair falling limply all around her – but she was so _small, so thin, so... broken._

_And she wasn't moving – at all._

Terror and panic like I had never felt before coursed through my veins as I registered a very faint and slow heartbeat and the rapid-shallow rasps of her breath.

I growled at the vampire who she seemed to have some sort of hold over. He was now screaming and writhing slightly, in some sort of torment – she had her hand locked on his wrist, fingers gripping so tightly they were turning red and then whitening at the knuckles. I abruptly realized she was hurting him... and knew that the only reason she would ever hurt _anyone_ was to defend herself.

It was then that I realized just _who_ _that fucking leech was_...

_**SHE'S MINE! **_

I growled and lunged at him, sinking my teeth into his throat and ripping his head clear off of his body in one clean and hard pull. I tossed it over to Leah behind me to get rid of. She ran up the stairs and tossed it into the raging flames before speeding back down to me and grabbing the next piece.

I snarled and ripped his legs and his free arm off next, then carefully pried his arm free from her hand before tearing it from his torso and tossing the pieces at Leah and Seth, who had arrived to help Leah dispose of the leech for me.

With every piece I grabbed and ripped and tore at I chanted and growled and snarled "MINE. MINE. MINE." Breaking him, claiming her.

Once he was in pieces, I didn't spare the disgusting piece of shit another thought.

I phased and tossed on my shorts, then turned toward her and took her in with my eyes.

What I saw shattered my heart, literally breaking it into a million different tiny pieces that flew through my chest and pierced sharply through my muscles and bones. I felt like I was being ripped apart, from the inside out. My breath caught in my throat as she rolled on to her side and moaned, attempting to focus her eyes on me through the smoke.

"Ness," I whispered shakily as she opened her eyes and they met mine. Tears fell, unchecked, rolling down my face in waves. In her eyes I saw exhaustion, fear, emptiness – but also love and peace. I knew how she felt. I felt it too. This reunion was bittersweet, to say the least.

"Jake," she whispered. Her voice was raspy and strained, barely audible.

She was still wearing the jeans and t-shirt she had on the day she was taken, but they were worn, tattered, covered in dry blood and caked with dirt. Her hair was no better than her clothes. It was dull, not shiny, and dirty, clumped together in places with blood and dirt combined. But that wasn't the worst part – not by a long shot. I was right... _she was starving_. She was thin – almost emaciated. She had lost so much weight that her clothes were literally hanging off of her body. Through her once grey and fitted, but now brown and loose, cotton t-shirt, I could see her ribs with each rise and fall of her chest. Her cheeks were bruised and sunken, her complexion almost as pale and white as the rest of her family, and she had large, dark purple, bruise-like circles under her eyes. In just twelve days she had become a mere shadow of the beautiful and vibrant young woman she was.

I stumbled forward and fell to my knees above her as I saw her eyes drift in and out of focus, and heard her heart beat and breaths become erratic and shallow.

"Baby," I said in a strangled and cracked whisper, gently picking up her hand, acutely aware that she was hanging on by a thread.

_How could I have let this happen to her?_

"I'm so sorry." I choked out, and ran my hand over her hair. To my utter horror, I realized that a small clump of it had come free and tangled in my fingers. She was so malnourished and stressed, her hair was falling out.

_NO. I've gotta get her out of here. She's fading fast – too fast - and the fire is building around and above us quickly._

"Stay with me," I whispered as I leaned over to scoop her tiny and frail form up in my arms, "...please," I begged softly. She was lighter than a feather...

Suddenly I saw her eyes lose focus, her pupils dilated as they rolled back in her head and her lids fluttered shut. Her heart rate slowed down to barely a murmur and her breathing became so light I could barely detect it.

My entire life – every single second of our time together – flashed before my eyes in an instant as I realized she was just a hair's breath away from leaving me for good.

"_Nessie NO! NO BABY, PLEASE!" _I shouted as I leapt to my feet and pulled her tightly to me.

"Jake," she murmured, her lips moving without making a sound, "help me. Please..." she pled. I turned to see the horrified and panicked faces of Seth and Leah gazing at her in my arms from just inside the doorway. My heart froze in my chest as she mouthed one more broken plea, "Please... help me... Jake," and then fell completely limp in my arms.

I cradled her to me like a baby, carefully curling her tiny form up into a ball against my chest and then ran, as fast as my two legs could carry me taking the stairs three at a time and burst into the smoky and now fire-filled hallway. The flames were approaching quickly, only about ten feet away. I froze, and glanced around furtively looking for a safe exit away from the flames. I slammed into the first door on my left, feeling only a small amount of heat from inside.

I flinched and turned my back toward the small flames licking around the doorway, protecting her from them with my own body, shielding her at all costs. My jaw locked around a scream as I felt the flames lap at the skin on my shoulders, burning into me. I felt my hold on her falter, and then grit my teeth against the pain, tightened my arms around her and ran on shaky legs, straight toward the window, pushing the throbbing and burning in my shoulders to the back of my mind.

I kicked out the glass and climbed through the window swiftly, ignoring the jagged edges of glass that dug into my skin and sliced through my legs and arms on my way out. I kept her from coming in contact with it – that was all that mattered.

My eyes immediately sought out Carlisle and found him waiting for me in the snow about fifty feet away. Edward and Bella were with him. Bella was frantic and wanting to run toward us and the flaming house behind us, while Edward held her tightly around the waist with his eyes locked on his daughter's fragile and meagre form in my arms.

His eyes tightened and his jaw locked as I realized he was trying to read her thoughts – and was coming up with nothing.

I raced forward and dropped to my knees in front of Carlisle in the snow, laying her down gently in front of me and at his feet. He gasped and knelt across from me, his hand flying toward her pulse points and other areas of her body as he assessed her. I took her hand in mine. Her thoughts registered nothing but black.

Bella and Edward were on their knees as well, locked in an embrace, sobbing and frantic with worry.

"She's hanging on," Carlisle muttered in a choked whisper. It was the first time I had ever seen the ancient vamp so worked up.

But he didn't have to tell me that. I knew. I still felt her. I was still drawn to her – but it was so faint... she was fading and drifting away.

"_Doc... you have to... something... please... anything..." _ I managed to croak out.

"She needs to feed – now," he said desperately. Bella and Edward were on their feet in a flash, frantically looking for something, _or someone_, for her to feed on. I saw Edward's gaze settle on a small group of human girls that had come from inside the building that Rosalie and Kate were tending to not even twenty feet away.

Carlisle flinched and glanced at Edward, and their intense gazes reflected their conflict. They wanted Nessie to live – but were they willing to sacrifice the life of one of those girls to help her?

I personally found that for once – I couldn't make myself care. I didn't care if another girl had to die to save her... I needed her. But when I looked down at her excruciatingly thin form, and thought about the fact that she most likely had starved herself to avoid taking a human life, I knew I couldn't let Carlisle and Edward do it.

"Don't," I spat as Edward turned to make his way toward the girls. I had an idea, and it was going to work... it _had _to work.

_She should drink from me_.

My blood would be just as satisfying to her system as the blood of any of those human girls would be. I was bigger, I had more of it – she needed a lot. And I would gladly give it to her.

_I'd let her bleed me __**dry **__to save her life..._ I couldn't have and didn't want mine without her.

"Jacob," Edward whispered frantically and grabbed my arm just before I brought it to my mouth to bite through my own skin, "we don't know if your blood is compatible with her system. It's never been tried. I don't think –"

_Yes, it has._ I interrupted with my thoughts and hesitantly flashed him a glimpse of her, biting me, drawing my blood, at the height of our love-making.

He shuddered lightly as his mouth flew open and dropped my hand as though he had been burned by it. I lowered my head just as he nodded and promised to pull me away from her before she could take too much. I shrugged, not really caring if she took too much. She should take as much as she needed to survive.

_Just make sure she gets what she needs – if it's too much – then it's too much. Let her have it. I want your word that you won't pull me away from her if she needs more._ I thought fiercely and glanced at him. _You have to promise me._

He grimaced and looked at me with unconcealed pain and concern in his eyes. I guess it hurt him to think of allowing me to sacrifice myself for her... but I didn't care. It was the way it should be.

Rosalie, Esme, Emmett, Seth and Leah gathered around, watching us silently, in different postures of worry and grief. I ignored them, and focused on the task at hand.

He nodded and pulled Bella to him, holding her tightly to his chest as she frantically asked what was going on.

I didn't waste my time paying any more attention to them or anyone else around me. I lifted my right wrist to my mouth and bit down – hard, making sure to pierce a vein. I grunted as I felt my teeth sink through the skin and muscle, but persisted until I knew it was deep enough. I withdrew my wrist as soon as I felt and tasted the warm and metallic flow of my own blood on my tongue.

As I brought it toward her Carlisle used his fingers to hold her jaw open. I glanced at him, unsure of how to do this... not sure if she could still feed like this. She wasn't moving and was barely breathing.

"It's instinctual, and it's what her body needs right now. Once the blood hits her throat her body should take over from there automatically," he whispered.

I nodded and then quickly lowered my wrist to her mouth. There was no reaction at first. As my blood hit her tongue and slowly rolled to the back of her throat she was as still as stone. Carlisle's brow furrowed and I heard whimpers from the people around me as they realized that we might be too late.

Suddenly, I saw her throat move, the muscles in it flexed slightly – and then I heard her swallow.

I sighed in relief, and it was echoed by all those standing around me. I watched in amazement as she swallowed lightly, again and again, before her mouth moved and her lips and teeth lightly found purchase on my wrist.

I leaned over her and watched as she drank and her instincts began to take over - her lips and the drag of blood leaving my system were getting stronger with each pull. It was still just a whisper of a touch, like a kitten lapping at milk, but it was something – she was trying. I ran my other hand softly over her hair, careful not to pull any more of her copper strands loose from her head.

After a minute or so, she whimpered lightly and then suddenly started to shake, groaning and moaning under me. Her hands, which had been completely still along with the rest of her body twitched and then flew up batting weakly at my arm. Her drinking slowed and I could tell that she was fighting it, she was still trying to resist.

Edward murmured a confirmation, and I was relieved, knowing that the only way he could have picked that up from her was if she had returned to some form of semi-consciousness and he could hear it in her thoughts.

I leaned forward and brought my lips to her ear.

"Ness," I whispered to her softly, "it's me baby. You're safe. It's ok, it's just me. Drink baby. Take what you need..." I begged. I swallowed hard and then lied through my teeth knowing what she needed to hear, "I'll be fine. Your dad promised to stop you before it goes too far. Please..." I pled softly, "please just drink. You need it baby... and I need _you_. Please... just... please."

She moaned so softly it was almost a sigh. A few seconds later I felt her lips and teeth lock onto my wrist and then she pulled – hard – and gulped down her largest mouthful yet.

"Thank you." I whispered to her as she continued to pull from me. I felt the pull and warmth between us increase with each draw of my blood.

I stayed that way, leaning over her and whispering words of encouragement and love in her ear for as long as I could hold myself up above her. I watched as some of the peach colour returned to her cheeks and the bruises under her eyes began to fade. Slowly, right before my eyes, she began to turn from the thin and weak, starved and beaten shell of a person I found, back into a small shadow, a glimmer, of the person she was - and she was beautiful.

When I weakened, and wobbled on my knees, I felt two cold hands on my shoulders, gently rolling me and positioning me on my back in the snow beside her. I made sure to hold my wrist to her as I rolled, being very careful not to break our connection.

I looked from her face to the stars in the sky above and behind her on the horizon. For the first time in twelve days I noticed how bright and yellow they were, how they seemed to sparkle and burn in the sky, just for her.

I felt myself weaken further, and my vision began to blur slightly. I turned to her and whispered into her ear.

"Baby..." I murmured, taking a deep breath and inhaling her sweet honey and peach scent, "look at the stars... see how they shine for you..."

I sighed, and let my eyes roll back into my head and my lids drift closed – I didn't have the strength to keep them open any more.

"Ness," I breathed, "I love you."

Look at the stars,  
Look how they shine for you,  
And everything you do,  
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along  
I wrote a song for you  
And all the things you do  
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn  
Oh what a thing to've done  
And it was all yellow

Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know you know I love you so  
You know I love you so

I swam across  
I jumped across for you  
Oh all the things you do  
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line  
I drew a line for you  
Oh what a thing to do  
And it was all yellow

Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know for you I'd bleed myself dry  
For you I'd bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine  
look at the stars look how they shine for you

_**Yellow ~ Colplay (Jacob, both POV's)**_

Until next time my lovely readers. I'd love to know what you thought of the PoD and your theories about what will happen next.

Thanks for reading.

~Hitchy


	44. Penitence

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own Nessie's strength and Jake's love and need for her in this chapter.**

**Chapter 44 – Penitence**

**Chapter Song: You Could Be Happy ~ Snow Patrol**

You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

_**You Could Be Happy ~ Snow Patrol**_

_**Penitence (pen.) ~ The quality or state of being sorrowful for one's faults or sins.**_

**Edward POV**

I had walked the earth for one hundred fifteen years, living between the worlds of natural and supernatural, surviving on both animal blood and human, seeing the goodness of the world and the monsters mixed together. I had seen evil. I had seen people killed, murdered for blood, bodies mangled and broken. I saw the depths of hell in the eyes and minds of the murderers themselves – and I had lived it. I had once been a monster, feeding and preying on monsters of lesser power, strength and ability than my own. I saw and heard, lived and re-lived things, both in my mind and the minds of others, that could break a man, shatter him, leave him faithless and hopeless.

Yes, I had seen evil.

But I did not _know_ evil.

I hadn't met evil, and looked it square in the eye. Nor had I touched it, to be burned and blazed and infected by it. I hadn't had it thrust upon me, beating me down, breaking me against my will. I had never danced with the devil, and then been tossed down at his feet, drained and defeated to beg for mercy.

I had seen it.

But I did not _know_ it.

Two days ago, two of the longest days of my existence, through the thoughts of my own precious daughter – _I was introduced to the devil himself - _through her trial by fire.

For two days, she writhed and screamed, shook and shuddered in and out of consciousness. She was there, physically in Forks, seemingly safe and taken care of – but she was never with us. For two days she suffered and was tormented and again and again – _living _evil.

I lived it with her.

Every thought, every second of the most wretched and vile experiences from her twelve days in the arms and eyes of evil, I lived with her.

I witnessed things through her eyes that I would not wish on my worst enemies.

Her gentle and compassionate nature, so human, so much a part of her, was challenged in ways that broke my silent and dead heart into a million throbbing and painful pieces. She was forced to watch helplessly time and time again, as a close friend, and then strangers who were eerily reminiscent of every important female figure in her life bled and died in front of her. She was forced to witness the brutal reality of how a being like her could destroy their own mother making their way into this world. It was a brutal and harsh attempt to strip her of her humanity and make her question the very foundation of who she believed herself to be.

But mostly, she was forced to confront a side of herself that none of us, human or vampire alike, ever wished to see. She was forced to acknowledge her baser instincts, and was given no choice for survival if she did not use them, under circumstances that would have destroyed every morsel of love and goodness and purity in her heart.

Her instincts and her very nature as a part vampiric being, were tested and thrust at her time and time again. She was tempted with sights, sounds and aromas in a way that would have shattered the control of each and every vampire I had ever met.

They nearly broke me.

They did break Jasper.

I growled and snarled and fought with every instinct I had to resist the urge to stalk, hunt and kill – brutally - to sate my thirst after witnessing and living her last experience in her very own pit of hell. The dripping blood, the feeding of another, the insatiable, undeniable and persistent _burn_... it was brutal, torturous.

Through his gift, Jasper was overwhelmed by the intensity of our needs. It came on so suddenly, so fiercely, that he was overcome with thirst, snarling, growling and dashing for the door to run out and find someone, anyone to sate his desire for blood within seconds. Emmett, Rosalie, Kate and Garrett were forced to restrain him and take him out to hunt – immediately.

Carlisle had tried to persuade me to go with them – had begged profusely actually – and Bella had joined him. I refused. She had lived it – so I would too.

We had all been a bit baffled, mortified and shocked to see her body worn down to the point it had been when Jacob brought her to us in the snow. It had only been twelve days. _Twelve days_. Carlisle had starved himself for much, much longer after his initial transformation, and had suffered, but not to that degree. We knew that being half human would affect how vulnerable she was to starvation – but no one would have predicted her to be in the state she was found in.

That is until I learned what she had suffered. Vampires, in a state of starvation, would survive indefinitely. Our throats would burn, our system would become dry and we would ache, we would dehydrate and suffer – but not to the degree she had.

However, certain circumstances could and _would_ make the suffering and effects of starvation much, much worse. Exposure to blood, of any kind, would cause our body's cravings and needs to heighten exponentially. It would accelerate and exacerbate every need, not just mentally and emotionally, but physically was well. Our eyes would darken to their deepest shade of black, rimmed by deep, dark bruises, our throats would burn and our venom pool, using up precious reserves of valuable nutrients within our system, forcing us to acknowledge the need to replenish our bodies supplies. It would be excruciatingly painful. We would literally deplete our body's own resources with every second of exposure.

She was regularly exposed to fresh flowing, warm, human blood and resisted. She suffered the side effects of starvation acutely and repeatedly. Her body was dragged through hell, swiftly and effectively broken and drained in a way that was designed to break her will or kill her.

It nearly did both.

She was stronger than any being I had ever known.

_She did not drink one single, solitary drop of blood._

Through her memories, I felt the control, and the immense amount of restraint, the impossible resistance she had put up against feeding herself.

I was in awe of her.

For two days I suffered with her and felt as though I was going mad. I seriously questioned my ability to function, to return to a normal state of being after that.

She fought the devil.

She danced with evil and didn't let it break her stride.

She literally spat in his face.

And when the devil accosted her in a small medical room, and shattered her hopes and dreams by threatening the depths of her heart and soul with a black cotton shirt and words of malice and depravity – she turned the tables and broke _him_. With all the passion and love in her heart and soul, she broke him. My daughter, a creature born from the truest of loves under impossible circumstances, a being with merely six years of life on this earth, was strong enough to fight the devil – and _win_. Words would never be enough to express the feelings of awe, wonder and pride I held for her.

For two days I watched her suffer and fight.

But I did not watch alone.

Every second I was with her, Jacob was too. He held her hand and suffered next to her, every second of the way.

I did not follow through on my promise to him. I couldn't, knowing that if what my daughter had been through had not killed her, the knowledge that _she_ killed _him_ would surely have done the job.

I spoke to her softly in the ear opposite from the one Jacob was occupying as he fell unconscious in the snow and told her what was happening. Despite the fact that she was still starving, I told her to stop – because his life depended on it. And in the first of many displays of strength I would witness on her behalf over the next few days, she did - immediately. Once she had released him his arm began to heal immediately, as we knew it would, preventing any further blood loss. She whimpered and groped blindly in the night air as soon as their physical contact had been broken. Her mind was full of thoughts of loss and pain greater than death at the thought that she might not have released him fast enough. I stiffened and cried out in response to the strength of her pain. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella pick his hand up and place it in hers. Her whimpering ceased, her body stilled, her thoughts were flooded with relief and I relaxed minutely.

She was not better. She was still in danger, but she stopped to save him, as I knew she would.

Leah offered to help, as did Seth. We both decided that for the sake of Seth's wife and their unborn child it was safest not to risk him getting involved. We were able to stabilize her with Leah's help. Renesmee took only about half as much from her as she did from Jacob before she began to show marked signs of improvement and we knew we could keep her stable long enough to get her back home to Forks.

Once we were there, continuing to feed her was a challenge. She refused to drink human blood. She broke out into fits of rage and absolute fear when it was brought anywhere near her. She was not able to get up or leave the bed, but she was able to thrash and scream through her locked jaw. There was no use trying to explain that it was donated, that no one was harmed to obtain it. She was not in a reasonable state of mind – our explanations would have fallen on deaf ears. So my family caught, drained and bagged the blood of several animals. She fed on their blood when we brought it to her and her body began its slow ascent towards recovery.

Both she and Jacob were in and out of consciousness for the two days. A werewolf's ability to heal quickly heavily depends on their blood, and with such a limited supply, Jacob was progressing slowly. The burns on his back had not healed quickly enough to prevent scarring. Most of what was damaged had healed, but the spots where he was burned deepest, straight through his layers of skin, and his arm where he had bitten through to give my daughter his life's blood, would always bear small marks of his bravery and heroism in saving her.

Neither one of them was lucid, both were clinging to each other's hands as if their lives depended on it. At that point, I wasn't certain that it would be an exaggeration to say that it was true.

When I came to witness the end of her time in the arms of evil, I witnessed her true strength, and was finally able to see what I should have seen for years. I saw her memories, through all of the experiences she shared with her captor, the master of fear. Her memories of life – but most importantly of love – the love evil had threatened to break and take away, _her love for Jacob Black_, were what broke him, and awakened me.

Her memories of her time with Jacob, through her own eyes, were filled with joy, wonder, safety, security and a pure and undeniable love.

She was _happy – blissfully happy_ with him. Especially as of late.

And I hadn't known – because I was fool enough not to be bothered to ask.

Their bond was like nothing I had ever witnessed. It consisted of the permanence and absolute devotion vampire mates have, the intense gravitational pull and singular adoration of werewolf imprinting, and a fire, heat and passion for each other that can only be found in the strongest, most vehement and dedicated of human lovers.

_Wrong_ was not a strong enough word to describe what I had done in denying either one of them happiness with each other, for whatever reason. I realized, sickeningly, that I was fighting fate over idiotic societal notions of timing, and what was deemed to be appropriate.

More importantly, I made an erroneous assumption and association about Renesmee. I associated her physical age with her mental and emotional maturity level and I assumed that she wasn't ready.

I scoffed at my own arrogance and idiocy. Who was I to know or guess when she would be capable of living life and experiencing love? It may have taken me over a hundred years to be ready, but that was because I had one hundred years without Bella. I was not ready because I did not have her.

Renesmee had Jacob from the beginning. She had grown, quickly and truly into the woman she was destined to be, with him by her side.

The third day dawned, and Jacob slept through the night by her side, as he had been for the previous two days. I sat alone, next to their bed in the dark of night. As they slept, peacefully, _finally_, I took the opportunity to whisper my agonized apologies in my daughter's ear. I knew that she could hear me, even in her sleep.

I cleared my throat, trying desperately to dislodge the large lump that had been there for two weeks, without any success. Beside her bed I placed an old music box. It had belonged to my mother. I had given to Renesmee as a child. I set up the tiny magnetic ballerina on the mirrored plate inside and wound the key at the back. She loved the song as a young girl and would often listen to the high, tinkering melody while dancing around her room with me during our playtimes together. My heart warmed a bit a memory of her, eyes bright, perched on my toes, smiling and giggling. I smiled sadly at the memory, in contrast with the last one I had of her fleeing our home, her face drawn in pain and confusion, her eyes full of resentment toward me. I didn't know if there was a way to mend it, to fix any of the wrong I had done by her, but I vowed to try anything and everything I could.

I took a deep breath and spoke, whispering softly as I stroked her hair in time to the music.

"Renesmee," I choked out her name and prayed that I would be able to get through the rest – not for me, but for her. She needed to hear what I had to say. I would not waste time or mince words. I swallowed hard and continued.

"I don't know if I can ever explain or express to you how I feel about what I've done. I was wrong, about so many things. I was harsh, and cruel to you in a way that I never believed possible. In my mind, I've run over and over the things that I have said and done in what I thought was an attempt to protect you. I can hardly believe how I acted – or how you managed to put up with me for months. I can barely think of anything else. It's madness to me to think about how I've hurt you.

"I wish, more than anything, that I could take it all back, that I could have spared you my stubbornness and stupidity, but I can't. I should never have let you leave that day, I should have stopped you, consoled you – explained – if you would have let me. I can't say that I would blame you if you didn't want to hear it. I've done and said things that affected you so harshly... and you deserved none of it."

I paused here, closing my eyes and swallowing hard again. I grit my teeth briefly against the pain that accompanied the shame I felt over treating her the way that I had. I heard her sigh lightly and shift towards me. I let the tinkering music from the box beside me float through my ears and bring me back to a happier time and place. I continued, with my eyes shut, holding those happy memories in my mind as I whispered softly.

"I want, more than anything, to go back to the way we were. I want to rediscover what we had. I want you to know, that my happiest days, in all of my hundred years, were spent with you and your mother. You brought completion and light, goodness, wonder and hope into my life. As a husband and _father_, something I never thought I would have the privilege to be, I have been happier than any other time in over a century. I love you _so much_."

I gasped and choked back a sob, fighting hard to finish. The music box was winding down, taking with it my ability to focus, without losing myself in regret and grief.

"I want you to know, that I won't hold you back anymore. I want your happiness, more than anything. I want you to _live. _When you're ready... when you're healed and healthy, I want you to find your happiness and follow it wherever it takes you, and I'll be behind you, supporting you in whatever you choose... if you want me to. I only hope –"

The music stopped. The silence was deafening. It made me feel like I was hollow and dark inside. I cracked under the weight of the silence, and let out a loud sob, cursing the loss of the tiny tinkering link to happiness at the time I needed it most – before admitting my own greatest fear.

"I only hope that it's not too late, that you can forgive me. I love you, sweetheart."

There was a rustle and subtle shift of weight on the bed below me before I felt the feather-light, warm caress of her finger on my cheek.

"I love you too, Daddy," she whispered. They were the first lucid, sane words she had uttered since her return, and they were beautiful to me for so many, many reasons.

A deluge of emotions flooded through me at that moment. Relief, grief, sadness, guilt, happiness, love and finally – hope. I gasped, and hugged her to me fiercely, unable to speak. I was full of guilt and shame, so sad and repentant – but I had been granted a small amount of relief in her admission that, despite everything, she loved me.

I kissed her hair softly.

"I love you. I'm sorry, so sorry." I repeated those words, over and over into the night, long after she drifted back to sleep, all the while thanking God for the miracle of her presence and her love in my life.

And so began my penitence, while I prayed for forgiveness, understanding and absolution.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	45. Recovery

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

******IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: During the second half of this chapter you will see the POV switch to RPOV **_**JPOV. **_**That part of the chapter is written in BOTH points of view. It alternated between the two. Regular text is Nessie. Italicized text is Jake.**

**Hope that's not too confusing for you! ;-)**

**Chapter 45 – Recovery**

**Chapter song: Broken ~ Seether & Amy Lee**

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

_[x2]_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away  
You don't feel me here anymore

_Broken ~ Seether, featuring Amy Lee_

**Bella POV**

I laid my hand down gently on my husband's shaking shoulder, while his face was buried deeply into our daughter's hair, and he repeatedly whispered his apologies and words of love.

He quieted under my touch and worked to compose himself. I didn't rush him. The past few days had been exhausting for all of us, but mostly for him, Renesmee and Jacob. I rubbed my hand over his neck and shoulders slowly, hoping to help him release some of the tension that had gathered there as he watched our daughter suffer, and for the most part, relived her awful memories with her. He hadn't left her since Jacob brought her back to us. He had been with her - either beside her or in the same room with her - every single second since then.

"Edward," I whispered quietly when he was finally silent and still.

He stood slowly, and turned to face me. My heart broke for him. His face was a still and seemingly unreadable mask, but he couldn't hide from me. His eyes were filled with so much pain and guilt that I felt my hand reach out to cup and caress his cheek tenderly to comfort him, without commanding it to do so. He leaned into it, closing his eyes, and let his body slump a bit, showing me how the weight of the past few days affected him.

I stepped forward into him and reached up with my other hand to cradle his face between the two of them, and then leaned up to give him a kiss. I brushed my lips softly over his, allowing them to linger until he responded and brushed mine back. I brushed my thumbs over the deep purple circles under his eyes until he opened them, and stared at me through onyx coloured irises. He didn't speak, but I didn't need him to. Everything about him – from his posture, to his silence, his limp hands hanging by his sides, his masochism in staying with her and refusing company and comfort over the last few days – screamed of his guilt and how sorry he was for having pushed her away.

He needed a break. He needed to calm down. He needed to hunt.

I couldn't stand to see him hurting anymore. I knew why he felt the need to stay with her and witness what she had been through, but her nightmares had stopped and she was resting. She was healing. He needed to heal too. We all did.

"Edward, please," I said, begging him with my eyes, "take a break. Emmett and Jasper are going for another hunt. Go with them. She's resting peacefully now."

He glanced over his shoulder with worry in his eyes and opened his mouth to speak. Before he could refuse I continued.

"She wouldn't want to see you like this. You need to take care of yourself, so you can be ready to help her when she wakes up," I said quietly, and then cupped his cheek in my hand once more, gently turning his face towards mine.

"I'll stay with her. I need some time with her, by myself. You've had your opportunity to talk to her... let me have mine."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and then blew it out in a large and heavy sigh. His eyes opened and I breathed my own sigh in relief, when I saw the acceptance there.

I squeezed his cheek a bit under my hand and then let it go, stepping back to give him room to leave.

He turned and walked towards the door, with his shoulders still hunched and his hands in his pockets. He looked... shattered. I couldn't let him leave like that.

"Edward," I called again softly. He stopped and turned towards me, keeping his eyes on the floor, to the right of my feet. I took a deep breath to prepare myself and then spoke the words we both needed to hear.

"I love you."

His eyes shot up to meet mine, pitch black and shimmering with so much emotion that I felt my own eyes prick and my lip tremble slightly in response. He made a mistake – but he did it out of love and concern for our daughter. I was disappointed and upset with him, but I would never, ever stop loving him. I made mistakes too... and we had paid for them. It was time to forgive, and heal.

"I love you too, Bella," he murmured. He turned and began making his way out of the room. He opened the door and paused with his back to me, his hand on the knob, as he stood in the middle of the threshold to the room.

"Thank you," he whispered fervently, and then left, swiftly and silently shutting the door behind him.

I took a deep breath and looked around her room in our small cottage. We brought her here because we figured she would want to be in the place where she was most comfortable, surrounded by her own things – familiar sights and scents. Carlisle said that what she and Jacob both needed most was time, food and rest, none of which required them to be in the big house, near his medical equipment. So she and Jacob had been lying on the small double bed in her old room together, side by side, holding hands, since we returned. They hadn't let go of one another since I placed his hand in hers in the snow nearly three days ago.

I sighed and turned, walking over to the side of the bed, and sat in the chair next to her. I gently took her free hand and placed it in mine, lacing our fingers together and pressing my palm to hers. I was immediately grateful and flooded with relief. Her thoughts were clear, her mind displaying only a dull, but soothing blue-grey. The colours told me that she was sad, but peaceful and resting. Her hand was warm again, back to her regular temperature. The last time I had touched it, before giving it to Jacob in the snow, it had been cold, more like the temperature of a human's hand. It was a side effect of the starvation; the fact that she had returned to her normal body temperature was a good sign.

I rubbed the back of it with my thumb, thinking of the difference between then and now, and reflecting on everything that happened that day. At the moment I realized what Jacob was asking Edward to let him do, my heart nearly broke in two. It was like someone had taken a chisel, and pummelled it with a mallet straight into the centre of my chest. The sight of my daughter and my best friend, so deeply hurt and broken, and his open declaration of not wanting life without her in it – nearly killed me.

She was dying – and Jake was dying to save her, in more ways than one.

She needed him, and he was there, willing to do whatever it took to bring her back to life, regardless of the consequences to himself. I should have known that he would do that for her - because it had always been that way. I knew that now. Jacob had saved _her_ more times than I could count. Even before she was born, before either of us realized why the universe had tossed us together, before either of us understood the reason we needed to be there for each other... he saved her. He did it by saving me.

When Edward left me, I was in constant danger. Victoria and her army of newborns, Laurent, and my own selfish, almost neurotic, need to hear Edward's voice put me in constant peril. Jacob was there, taking care of me, protecting me, keeping me sane and making me smile. I needed him – so badly it hurt not to have him around. He kept me safe, sane and relatively happy until Fate intervened and I found my way back to Edward and my destiny as his wife, a vampire and mother to our amazing, strong and beautiful daughter.

I loved Jake as much as a friend could love another friend, but there was always something a little – _more _than that between us. I questioned that '_more'_ time and time again. I even cursed at it once or twice, hating it for making me feel guilty about having to choose between what I knew was my destiny with Edward, and what I felt I couldn't let go of with Jacob. I couldn't explain it, but I couldn't deny it either. I just knew that I needed to be around Jacob.

But that was the point. _I wasn't supposed to let go of Jake. _Fate did everything it could to keep drawing us back into each other's lives... because, just as we had both known all along, he was _meant_ to be there, in my life.

But he wasn't meant for me, as he had thought. He was meant for _her_ – and Fate made sure that we stuck together so that eventually, they could have each other.

After everything I had seen, every myth that had been proven true, every twist of luck and crazy circumstance that brought Edward and I together, I of all people should never have questioned Fate.

That day, on the mountaintop, when the battle with the newborns had started and Jake threatened to kill himself over my choice to be with Edward, I panicked. I felt an overwhelming urge to just _keep_ him, at any cost. So when I remembered the ultimatum he had given to me, I didn't even think twice. The pain I felt at the thought of letting him go down there, _to die_, was immense; I couldn't let him do that. So I saved him, by asking him to kiss me, and making him promise me that he would return unharmed. When we kissed, I felt something spark within me, a heat, a warmth... a strange electric and magnetic connection... and I saw a vision... one of two young children with copper coloured skin and dark hair. They were running away with their backs to me, into the sunlight. Fate was trying to tell me something.

I thought that the vision was for me; that it was a vision of what my future would have been like, if I had chosen differently and decided to live my life with Jacob instead. But Jacob and I were never meant to be together that way.

After everything I had witnessed over the last couple of days I was suddenly convinced that I had been wrong about that vision. After witnessing what Jake and Renesmee were like together, how strongly they were connected to each other, I saw the true purpose of that vision.

I was suddenly sure, that given some time, I _would _see that vision come to life. That little girl and boy would be a part of my world. But if I were to see their faces, they would be a blend of _Jake's and Renesmee's_ features. They would be my grandchildren.

In my mind's eye greys and blues were suddenly replaced with flashes of loving red, joyful yellow and surprised orange, breaking me out of my thoughts and bringing me back to the present with my daughter. She gasped and gripped my hand tightly in hers.

My eyes flew up to her face, and immediately pricked with non-tears of love, joy and relief as they stared into her large chocolate brown ones, open for the first time since we found her.

"Mom...?" she whispered hoarsely. Her voice crackled as she winced and then took a breath.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I whispered back, overjoyed at the fact that she was awake and coherent, knowing now, after looking her in the eye, that she would be alright.

"The kids..." she rasped, and then swallowed thickly. I quickly picked up a cup of deer blood that had been sitting on the table beside her bed, figuring that she was still feeling parched, and brought it to her lips. She took a long sip and then sighed before looking me in the eye and continuing.

"The kids... in the vision you had... with Jake..." she murmured softly.

My eyes widened as I realized what she was telling me. She had been listening to my thoughts. After she was taken, Jake had explained about the development in her gift, how she could now not only project her thoughts to others, but also hear the thoughts of people she was touching as well. Edward had an idea about what had happened after she grabbed onto the two of them in the cottage that day. Jake confirmed it. She heard and saw everything that they were thinking about with regards to that day on the mountaintop when I asked Jake to kiss me.

"Yes?" I asked apprehensively, wondering if she was upset with me and feeling guilty about her having to witness that moment of weakness, desperation and indecision in my thoughts again.

She stared at me with an unfathomable expression, her own eyes large and boring intensely into mine.

"They were... they were..." she paused and swallowed, seemingly looking for the right words, "they were... _beautiful_," she breathed, her voice full of both apprehension and wonder.

I smiled a small smile, seeing the tenderness and awe only a mother can hold for her own children sparkle in her eyes as she acknowledged what I thought I was looking at.

"Of course," I said matter-of-factly, knowing that any child created by two people as wonderful and beautiful as her and Jacob would have no choice but to be stunning.

She sighed and closed her eyes, seemingly tired again after the short exchange.

I placed the cup back on the table and was just about to get up and fetch Carlisle, to tell him that she was awake, when she spoke again.

"Did you love him?" she asked. Her eyes remained closed and her hand stayed locked on mine. I knew she was intent on having an honest answer. I wouldn't have lied; she deserved nothing less than the whole truth.

_Yes,_ I thought quietly in answer to her question, _and I still love him. But not the way you mean Renesmee. Any other feelings or needs I had with regards to Jake, besides friendship, were gone the day you were born. _

_It was never _me_ that saw him that way. It was always only the part of me that made _you_..._

I heard a rustle of sheets and glanced over Nessie's shoulder to see that Jake was starting to wake up. I was relieved once again. Carlisle had told me how close it was. Jake was at death's door when he collapsed in the snow. We really came so close to losing both of them that day.

My eyes flashed to Nessie's face, which lit up with emotion, her eyes immediately open wide and trained on his slowly waking form.

"I love you, sweetheart," I said, and let go of her hand, turning to leave and go back to the big house to give them some privacy.

"I love you too, mom," she whispered quietly.

I smiled to myself, feeling the weight of some of my own pain and guilt beginning to lift. I left the room and headed back to the house to give the rest of the family the news that both Jake and Nessie were finally awake.

**~~~000~~~**

**RPOV **

_**JPOV**_

I felt around frantically. I was lying in the snow, it was cool and wet beneath my back, but it wasn't melting under my body, like it should have. My mind was reeling, from exhaustion, from relief, from blood – Jake's blood – and from panic.

I was drinking from him. And I drank a lot. It wasn't enough for me, I needed a lot, more than a lot, but at the same time I knew it was _too much_. But I stopped. I made myself do it, forced my lips to open and ripped my teeth away. My father told me to stop, because I was killing him. Killing_._ I was mortified and petrified all at once. Every piece of sanity and warmth, all of the light in my heart – everything – was slowly getting sucked down into a vortex of pain and despair. I needed him... I couldn't live with myself if I had taken him away from the world...

And then I couldn't feel him. I didn't know where he went. I stopped drinking, but instead of staying, his warmth went away. It wasn't supposed to go away. I needed it back. I needed it...

Suddenly, I was sure that he was gone. I couldn't feel him anymore.

And I couldn't feel _me _without him. I floated, painfully, aimlessly into a dark and empty place. My chest felt like it was being crushed under the weight of the pain and guilt. I couldn't believe what I had done. He was gone...

And I was going to die without him. My sanity and thresholds for pain had been tested, over and over again in that horrible place, and I didn't break. But this... _this _would be the last nail in my coffin.

I couldn't live without my heart.

The pressure on my chest was immense. I prayed for it to crush me, to take me with him, wherever he went.

But then suddenly there was warmth – my hand was warm – wonderfully warm and humming. The vortex of pain and despair imploded, crashing in upon itself, and hurled my everything back to me in a nearly heart-shattering burst of relief.

If I could have, I would have sobbed in relief.

**It was Jake. **

_I saw a flash of copper curls flying through the air on the head of an adorable, pale little girl in a jade green dress. She was running away from me, across the yard of her grandparent's house, trying to hide the fact that she had a frog from the beach tucked into the front pocket of her dress. I was chasing her playfully, telling her that her Aunt Alice would have a fit if she found out there was a reptile hiding in her designer duds. _

_She laughed. It was high and melodic, like tinkling music. It was contagious, and I laughed with her. It was impossible not to. I loved that laugh._

_But then the little girl in front of me suddenly disappeared, vanishing into thin air right before my eyes. I panicked, frantically looking around to see where she had gone to. The memory wasn't right. She was supposed to go in the house, and get caught by her mom – but she didn't._

_She was gone._

_Gone._

_I was suddenly standing in the snow, in wolf form, pacing, with a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be, and a black, cold and heavy weight in place of my soul._

_There were only three words I could hear. There was only one thing I could feel._

_She's gone._

_Gone._

I was startled by the vision of watching a younger version of myself running across my grandparents' lawn in a green dress, hiding a frog. I was being chased. The memory holder was chasing me...

Realization dawned on me. I remembered that day. I was being chased by Jake. We laughed, and I remembered that I was supposed to run into the house and get caught by my mother, but the memory was wrong. Instead of running into the house, I vanished.

I was suddenly remembering a place that I had never been. It was cold, and there was a lot of snow. I looked down to see Jake's russet coloured legs and paws.

And oh... the pain. It was so familiar to me. I felt it too, while I was in the dark room. I refused to be consumed by it. It nearly broke me, but I couldn't afford to break completely. My dreams of him, the recurring dream of him coming for me in a haze of smoke, was what kept me from feeling the weight of my loss so fully. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that he would come for me.

But he didn't have visions to hold on to. He had nothing but this... the pain, the grief... it was overwhelming.

It was so cold and desolate, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was almost rooted to the spot with the feeling that I might collapse from the black hole of emptiness and despair.

I could hear the repetitive chant in the back of his head. Three words played, over and over again. They were impossible to ignore, it was impossible to rid himself of them.

She's gone. Gone.

I willed him to hear me. I squeezed his hand with every ounce of strength I had left, the strength he had given to me with his life's blood. I begged him to see that I was there, that I was ok, that I wasn't gone anymore. He needed to know that he had saved me. I couldn't let him suffer like that. My beautiful, strong, and warm Jacob was nearly crippled with the weight of it all. I couldn't stand seeing and feeling him hurt like this. I had to do something to ease his pain.

"_Jake?" said the voice of an angel._

"_Jake, I'm here," she called again. The angel was talking to me... no – not any angel – __**my**__ angel._

_Nessie._

_Her voice lingered in the darkness. It was nothing more than a whisper. Everything was black and quiet. There was nothing in this place, but the hint of her voice. I couldn't see, couldn't smell, couldn't feel... but I could hear her calling out to me. I wanted to talk to her, to ask her if she was really ok. She was so thin when I found her, her beautiful face and body were beaten and bruised... _

_I felt the weight of the darkness press on me heavily. The voice of my angel disappeared._

_Am I dead? Am I dying? Is she with me? I didn't know what was going on, where I was, if I was in heaven or still on earth... I just knew I needed her with me – either way. _

_Suddenly I was back in La Push, on First Beach on a sunny day, watching a twelve year old Nessie in jean shorts and a white t-shirt, with flawless pale skin, long, skinny legs and long copper curls. I watched her wade in the water up to her knees._

"_Jake?" she asked, turning to look at me with serious eyes as I skipped another smooth stone across the surface of the water._

"_Yeah?" I answered, meeting her gaze curiously._

"_Why do you like out hang out with me so much? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with you... but, I don't know, isn't it boring for you?" she murmured pretending to look at her toes in the water._

"_No," I answered automatically, "I love spending time with you. You know that."_

_She sighed and picked up a rock of her own. She stretched her arm back and then flicked it forward gracefully, and we watched as it skipped twelve times before sinking below the surface of the water._

"_Why?" she asked again._

"_What's your favourite way to spend a weekend?" I asked her in return._

_She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I could tell that she was confused, but was willing to play along._

"_Hanging out here on the beach horsing around in the water... listening to music or playing my guitar in your garage while you fix up a car or a bike or something... watching movies with you and the guys, that I'm too young for, at Paul and Rachel's... sitting around at a bonfire while you and the guys tell ridiculous stories about each other... and hunting with you, we have the best races... I don't know. There are too many options here, Jake," she mused and then stopped, obviously frustrated with the question or the direction she thought the conversation was going._

_It was pretty clear to me that she didn't see where I was going with this, so I asked her another question, to help her out._

"_So, why don't any of those things have anything to do with your younger friends, or even your family?" I asked and picked up another rock. I reached back and then flung it forward, watching it skip seventeen times before it sank into the water, as she thought about her answer._

_When I hadn't heard from her for a minute or so, I glanced her way to find her staring at me with a smile on her face. She chuckled under her breath. I smiled, and chuckled back, knowing that her laugh was the confirmation I needed to see that she understood._

"_Love ya, squirt," I said and tossed another rock._

"_Yeah, me too, ya big lug," she answered._

I smiled to myself as I reflected on the memory of Jake and I on the beach. It had been so long since I'd thought of that day. That night, after I had gone to sleep, he told my mom what I had asked. A week later I learned about imprinting, and who I was to Jake.

The way that she, my father and Jake had explained it to me let me know that I was simply what made him happy. Always.

I remember thinking about it for a minute, after they finished explaining, and then shook my head before telling them that maybe they had it backwards, because he was what made me happy. Always.

After the beach memory faded away, the memory of wandering in the snow, in pain, in a slightly different location, just searching fruitlessly – returned.

I tried once again to reach him. I tried to tell him that I was there and I was ok, but I got no response.

I vaguely remembered drinking more blood, another wolf... maybe Seth or Leah. It was hard to tell. They were siblings, so they smelled somewhat similar, but in my state I couldn't be bothered to analyze the flavour of it. I just needed to drink.

My body took what it needed. I pulled and gulped until I felt dizzy and almost incoherent with the amount of blood processing through my system. My body was working overtime. Every muscle, every bone, every pore of my skin was absorbing and using the blood, trying to recover what it had lost. It was too much. Between Jake's and now this person's blood, I was on sensory overload.

I felt my thoughts blur, as memories from Jake crashed through my mind. It was like his whole life was passing before his eyes, and that terrified me, because that was what many people described seeing before they died. I whimpered, vacillating between that fear and the pain of his most recent memories of searching for me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that none of Jake's memories before I was born were included in his flashbacks. It was as if his life hadn't started until then.

On and on it went... it was both confusing and sweet, and painful and endless. I tried, over and over again to talk to him, to make him hear me, but it was to no avail. He either wouldn't or couldn't respond. I was desperate to hear him. I vowed to keep trying as long as it took. As long as I could still feel his warmth, and see his memories, he was with me. I wouldn't give up on him. I would help him find his way back, just like he hadn't given up on finding me.

But things changed drastically after I registered the scent of fresh human blood. Out of nowhere I was spiralling back into memories of my time in captivity. I screamed, thrashed and pushed it away, both in reality and in my memories.

It was more than I could handle... too much. I couldn't be back there again. The scent of the blood brought my time in the dark room back to me, and forced every second of cruelty I experienced there back to the surface in excruciatingly accurate detail. My mind was spiralling out of control, I was getting lost in the insanity, the gruesome sights, the sounds, the scents... I was frantic; I needed to get out of there. I wasn't strong enough to do that again.

Everything else was gone. All I knew, all I could see or feel, was horror and pain. I needed it t end, but it just – didn't.

I never wanted to die so much in all my life.

_I heard her. _

_And I saw. _

_She showed me her thoughts, her mind was open to me... and so was the horror. _

_I saw every broken body, I heard every scream, I smelled and felt scorched and parched with every drop of blood. I saw and felt every disgusting act of violence and degradation committed against her. _

_For days on end it was a never ending and constant battle with temptation, bloodlust, pain, guilt and humiliation._

_I struggled with every second of it. I was thrashing and growling inside. I was wild with fury at those who had done this to her. I was wracked with guilt and nearly paralyzed with pain for her. What she had gone through should have killed her, or driven her crazy._

_It was killing me to watch it, just to sit back helplessly while she suffered._

_And I was going insane with anger at those who had done this, and hurt for how she suffered._

_But as the days wore on, and it seemed like the parade of broken bodies and blood would never end, I realized that if I was seeing all of that... she wasn't gone. I wouldn't be seeing any of it if she was. _

_She was still there, I __heard__ her... _

_As soon as I realized she was there with me, I knew I had to try and help her. She was suffering, and reliving it all, when she shouldn't have had to live through any of it in the first place. _

_It was too much for her – the insanity of it all was getting to her._

_She said wanted to die. My entire being reacted to that. I was scrambling, trying to figure out how to help her, how to get her out of that dark place she had gone to in her mind. She was so weak when I found her. I knew she would have to fight if she wanted to make it. If she gave up, she might not recover._

_And there was no way in __**hell **__I was going to let that happen. _

_I had to help her. I remembered hearing her angelic and sweet voice earlier, when I was lost in memories of my own, so I decided to try talking to her, through my thoughts. _

_I focused on finding her in my mind. I let every other thought, feeling and memory fade away, and spoke to her._

"_No, Ness," I said, pleading softly but firmly. "You can't go. I need you," I whispered to her in my thoughts. I could feel how desperate she was to escape that dark place, but she needed to come back to me, not drift off into the nothingness. She needed a reason to fight. _

"_I'm... broken... I don't feel right without you, Ness. Don't leave me. Come on, baby, you can do this. You were so strong. You fought so hard – just fight a little longer. Come back to me. Please... please."_

_I could feel her struggle to recognize my voice as real, to realize that she wasn't actually in that dark place and that she could hear me, stay with me, be with me, instead of being there. _

"_Jake?" she whispered back softly. Her mind was still racing through her memories. This time she was in the green tiled room where I found her, being threatened by the sick bastard himself, telling her that he had me, and would force me to watch her, with him. _

_I saw what that threat did to her. It broke her, just like I was. It was the last straw. She was shattered._

"_Yes, broken. I'm broken without you," she murmured to me, and then spiralled back into her dark memories once again._

_I was dying to help her. Talking to her was helping, but not much. I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing. But I figured that if I could see and hear and feel what she was thinking of, she could probably do the same with me._

_So, I just tried my best to imagine something, anything to take away her pain. In the end, I decided to picture what I needed most, what I dreamt of most when she was gone. _

_In my mind I saw a crystal clear picture of her, beautiful, bare and glowing in my arms as I held her closely to me. I felt our hum, our electric heat, creep and flow over and around us like a dense fog. It seeped though my skin, into my muscles and bones, and eventually flowed through my veins. It was a slow, soothing and warm current. I watched and felt as it flooded the space around us, drowning out everything else, leaving us enveloped in love, peace and comfort._

_I didn't do or say anything else. I just felt __**us**__ – and waited to see if she felt it too._

_It wasn't long after that I heard her sigh, and then cry a small mental sob._

_The memories finally stopped. Her pain and suffering was replaced by peace and calm__.__ She wasn't there anymore. She did it. She made it back to me. I heaved a huge internal sigh of relief, and held her as close to me as possible – terrified that if I didn't, she would leave me again. In my mind's eye I wrapped her up, held her high against my chest, hugged all around her protectively, and crushed her to me._

_Then, like a dream, it all drifted away, to be replaced by the cool, and calm blue-grey of sleep. I had seen this before. She was resting – finally._

_Exhausted, I fell into it with her and drifted off._

Somewhere in the middle of my blue-grey slumber I remember hearing from my dad. I listened to his apologies and told him I loved him. I knew that he was sorry for how he handled things, and I was ready to start forgiving him.

I listened to my mother as I slept too. Her thoughts were a clear explanation of what had happened between her and Jake in her own mind and heart, when they were younger. It was innocent for her, just a cherished friendship taking a wrong turn. I felt and saw her agony over her decision to save his life with that kiss.

The best part of her memories of that day was a vision of children... two beautiful children with luminous coppery skin and dark hair... were they **my** children? I wasn't sure... but the vision was beautiful – and a lot to think about.

It was enough to make me stir and wake up. When I did, I asked my mother about Jake, like I should have done that day, instead of running out of the door. She told me she loved him, but not the way I did. She told me that the only part of her that ever needed him as more than a friend was the part of her that made me. Her thoughts and words made me feel like maybe it was me loving him along – that it was never really about her...

But none of that mattered the second she glanced over my shoulder as the sheets rustled beside me and the bed shifted.

Jake was waking up.

My mom told me that she loved me and left as I mumbled it back to her. I forgot she was ever there before she had even walked out of the door. Nothing mattered to me but seeing him, and making sure that he was ok.

I rolled over slowly, to see that he was facing me.

As long as I live I will never forget the sight of his face in that moment.

His eyes, usually so bright and full of life, were dull and full of pain and concern. His cheeks were a bit sunken, as if he had lost weight as well. His brow was lined with worry, his mouth set in a frown. This was not _my Jacob. _

I gasped and struggled against the weakness in my muscles and bones to reach my hand out to his face. I laid my hand on his cheek, and exhaled a breath I didn't even know I had been holding on to, in relief. My hand sparked and warmed instantly when it came in contact with his skin. His eyes glistened and shone with tears as my own welled up.

"It's over now," I whispered softly and felt him pull in a full and sharp but ragged breath.

I breathed in with him.

He raised his own hand and brought it to my cheek. His large thumb skimmed slowly back and forth over my cheekbone.

I didn't dare blink. I just stared into his dark eyes, as he stared into mine – reconnecting. I tried to absorb and absolve every ounce of pain in his soul, and it seemed as though he was doing the same for me. I didn't want to hurt anymore, and I couldn't stand to see this causing him pain.

Tears flowed and leaked from my eyes freely, and fell unchecked, down my cheeks, soaking my pillow. I was grateful for the tears. It had been too long since I was able to cry.

We stared at each other, only moving to blink when it was absolutely necessary. Neither of us spoke. Eventually, the sky darkened as night fell.

After an undetermined amount of time, I heard the voices of my family. They were coming to check on us. They were discussing what they had learned about the others that were saved and I heard Uncle Jasper mention that he thought I was safe, that everyone who might have been a threat to me was eliminated.

I cringed lightly, not wanting any visitors or intrusions. Just Jake. Only Jake.

He must have felt the same way, because before I knew it I felt myself being rolled, swiftly and softly, onto my side next to Jake, my back to his front. He pulled me high into his chest. I sighed happily for the first time in two weeks. I sank into his warm, familiar embrace, and folded my body into a small ball, clutching desperately at the strong arms that wound tightly around my waist.

He folded himself around me, his body fitting to every inch of mine, and curled over me, protectively. His top leg wound itself over mine. His shoulder curved forward to eclipse and cover my own. His face bent over the top of my head until it was buried deeply in my hair.

We closed our eyes and wished the world away, wrapped up in each other, and needing nothing else.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	46. Past, Present & Future

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 46 – Past, Present and Future**

When I see your smile,  
Tears run down my face.  
I can't replace.  
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out,  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.  
And I know I'll find deep inside me,  
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all.  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay,  
It's okay,  
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Seasons are changing,  
And waves are crashing,  
And stars are falling all for us.  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall.  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all.  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,  
My true love, my whole heart.  
Please don't throw that away.  
'Cause I'm here... for you!  
Please don't walk away and,  
Please tell me you'll stay... here!

Whoa-oh!  
Stay!  
Whoa-oh!

Use me as you will!  
Pull my strings just for a thrill!  
And I know I'll be okay,  
Though my skies are turning grey! (grey!)

I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!When I see your smile,  
Tears run down my face.  
I can't replace.  
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out,  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.  
And I know I'll find deep inside me,  
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all.  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay,  
It's okay,  
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Seasons are changing,  
And waves are crashing,  
And stars are falling all for us.  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall.  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all.  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,  
My true love, my whole heart.  
Please don't throw that away.  
'Cause I'm here... for you!  
Please don't walk away and,  
Please tell me you'll stay... here!

Whoa-oh!  
Stay!  
Whoa-oh!

Use me as you will!  
Pull my strings just for a thrill!  
And I know I'll be okay,  
Though my skies are turning grey! (grey!)

I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face  
I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong  
I have figured out  
How this world turns cold  
and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find  
deep inside me  
I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 

Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be okay  
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

_Your Guardian Angel – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

**JPOV**

"Jacob?" Edward said tentatively from the other room, as I dug through my backpack looking for a shirt. I growled lightly as I tossed aside a couple of pair of jeans and pulled out a fitted black cotton one. I tossed it on quickly and grabbed the blue button up on the back of the chair in Nessie's room, pulling that one on over the t-shirt before I made my way back out to the sitting room to where he was.

"Renesmee said she'd be ready to speak with you in about half an hour," he said quietly. "She spent the day on the beach, thinking. Bella and Jasper are staying with her for now."

He looked... apprehensive. Actually, he looked almost as nervous as I felt, which was odd, considering the fact that it wasn't _his _whole life being decided out there on the beach. It wasn't _his _entire world being made or broken. It was mine.

I nodded and took a deep breath. I had never been so nervous about anything, in my whole entire life. My hands were shaking, and even though I was now sitting, I couldn't stay still. My knee was bobbing up and down, shaking rapidly. It had been a month since we had returned to Forks. So much had changed. Everyone we knew had been affected by what happened the day we found her and brought her back home. Everything was different. Everything.

But the worst part of it was that _she_ was different; which meant that _we_ were different. I wasn't stupid enough to think that the trauma she experienced wouldn't change her – I saw what she went through and I knew she would probably never be the same light-hearted and trusting person she was ever again; but I didn't expect _us_ to change. I didn't think it was possible. But she was just so – distant. It's not that we didn't see each other. I was with her all the time. She said she wanted and needed me to be with her. And I was more than happy to stay with her all day, every day – I needed her too. But it wasn't the same – not at all.

As usual, we talked about almost anything and everything, but _never_ about us. We shared chaste kisses, and I held her every night while we slept, but never anything beyond that. It was soothing and comforting to hold each other, not just for her, but for both of us. I needed her with me, in my arms, folded up and pressed to my chest, to feel her weight against me, to smell peaches and honey, to hear her breathing, to just _know_ that she was there and safe with me, so that I could fall asleep. We would fold and melt into each other, exactly the same way we did the first night we woke up in her bed, with her in her little ball and me wrapped and curved over every bit of her I could touch. We would radiate our heat, and let it wrap around us like a cocoon, before we fell into a comfortable sleep in each other's arms.

Our deep connection – the fire and heat – was there, but just barely, and it only ever manifested itself as comfort. I know the way the imprinting bond works, so I assumed that what she needed most from me was comfort. And I was happy to give it to her. I held her through every sleepless night, dried every tear, whispered countless words of comfort and safety for weeks, and I would do it all again for her. I'd do anything and everything she asked, or needed.

But I missed how much _more_ it could be. I missed what we had before.

It wasn't like I expected anything from her physically – _no_ – not at all. I knew she needed time to heal and to be honest, I couldn't even think about doing anything with her physically while she was so thin and tired and just... broken. It wasn't that. It was the look in her eyes that was killing me. She seemed _apprehensive_ when she looked at me, any time we were close physically. Like just this morning, when I approached her from behind after she got dressed, and ran my hand over her shoulder and down her arm before wrapping it around her waist – she _stiffened_, before she relaxed into the hug. There were hundreds of moments like that. When I managed to look her in the eye while during these moments - I saw questions in them. It hurt. Where before, there was only love, happiness and sometimes passion – now there were questions. Questions that she _wouldn't_ ask.

I tried to talk to her. I knew we needed to talk about what she saw in my thoughts the day she was taken. I knew Bella already talked to her, and I was glad she did. Nessie and her mom were as close as ever, and I was grateful for that because she needed her mom after everything she had been through.

But I needed her to hear from _me_ too. She didn't seem to want to hear it, though. Every time I brought it up she said she wasn't ready, and that she needed time to think and just _be_ for a while. So I didn't push it. She wasn't pushing me away, and she still wanted me around. I loved that she needed me and wanted to be with me, but I hated that it was all so different. It was somewhat cold and distant, and I didn't like it.

As a matter of fact, it scared the hell out of me.

I couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be the same as they were before, or if my past, and everything else that had happened to her, had ruined _everything_ for us...

I hung my head and felt my jaw tighten and flex repeatedly while my knee continued to bob up and down like a piston in a race car. I was feeling a lot of guilt over not telling her about what happened with me and Bella all those years ago, and an immense amount of pain over the possibility of losing what we had, when we had just barely begun. After everything that happened, it all seemed to boil down to what would happen on the beach today.

My chest was suddenly tight with anxiety, just thinking about how badly things could turn out. It hurt to breathe.

I think my worst fears stemmed from the fact that she wasn't wearing her ring. I didn't have any idea where it was, or what had happened to it, I just knew that it wasn't on her. Did she lose it while she was _there_? Had she taken it off?

Or, worst of all... was she going to give it back – or refuse it altogether?

I needed her – I needed _us_. She was the centre of my entire universe. Every hope and dream I had was directly tied to her. She held my fate entirely in her hands.

_What the hell was I going to do with myself if she didn't want me? _

I felt my breath speed as the tightness in my chest began to coil painfully.

_This could be the end of everything._

I prayed silently, hoping against hope that I would get the chance to explain, that she would understand... I'd lose my fucking mind if I had gotten her back, only to lose her again - for good.

"Jacob, please," Edward said quietly, interrupting my thoughts. "I'd like to talk with you... about that... before you go to her. If you're willing..."

He was standing by the fireplace, staring at me with rare nervous energy emanating from his eyes. It wasn't helping my frame mind at the moment.

I half sighed, half growled under my breath and closed my eyes. I wasn't willing. I needed to talk, but not to him. I had a feeling he was about to weigh in on the situation between Nessie and I, and I didn't want to hear about it from anyone except her. I didn't know or care what anyone else thought, least of all Edward.

He'd already said enough.

I could hear the air around him move slightly and the light brush of his marble skin against the cotton of his shirt collar as he nodded, obviously picking up on the reluctance in my thoughts. I felt bad for a second or two when I heard the heavy sigh of disappointment that escaped him, but I knew that he wouldn't push. He had been completely silent on the entire issue of our relationship since we had returned. I appreciated the space, and the implied trust, that went along with his silence. He seemed to be ready to let us work out our relationship on our own.

It was about fucking time.

I warily opened my eyes to glance at the clock and saw that there was still another ten minutes to go before I could leave to meet her. Growling again, this time with impatience, I shook my head and clenched my fists, rubbing them deep into my eyes. I was so frustrated with waiting. I dropped my fists to my lap as I leaned back, eyes closed and rested my head on the back of the chair, trying to force myself to calm down – not an easy thing to do when your world feels like it's going to fall apart around you. As I sat, taking deep breaths, I heard the light scratch of a pen on paper for a minute or two, and then felt Edward approach where I was sitting. He placed something down on the side table next to the armchair I was sitting in, along with a note, and then left.

I sighed and shook my head in annoyance at the fact that he wasn't taking no for answer. He was using the note to get me to hear him out, because I had refused to talk. He had been really careful to make sure that he left us to ourselves for the last few weeks. He hadn't said so much as a word about Nessie and I staying at the cottage together, alone, or the fact that we shared a bed every night. He seemed to have been making an effort to back off, so the fact that he felt he needed to say something badly enough to write a note about it, today of all days, made me uneasy.

I didn't really care about his opinion either way, though. Whatever he said in that note, and whatever he left for me on that table, was not going to change anything. I still didn't feel like reading it. I wasn't in the mood to deal with any of his shit.

But then what else was I going to do with my time. The seconds seemed to take days to tick from one to the next on the clock. Life seemed to slow to a crawl as I waited...

_Fuck it, _I thought, _I'll_ _just read it and get it over with. It'll help me kill time before I can go see Nessie. _

I opened my eyes and glanced towards the small dark wood side table to see what Edward left for me. I sucked in a sharp gasp as my eyes fell on the last thing I expected to see sitting there.

It was Nessie's ring.

The entire world seemed to quiet and still around me as I looked at it. It seemed like forever since I had given it to her on New Year's Eve. It had only been just under two months.

I picked it up gently and watched as the light from the window reflected off of the small cluster of stones and metal. A million questions ran through my mind as I looked at the ring that represented our love and promises to each other.

_How did he get this? Had she given it to him... to give back to me? Was this her way of refusing me? Was that why Edward was so nervous before? Is this why he needed to speak with me, before I went to see her? Did she even want to see me? Was I even going to get the chance to explain...?_

My head was spinning and my mouth ran dry. I fisted my right hand around the ring in fear and frustration, and felt the cool metal dig into my palm as I squeezed it. I couldn't look at it. All I could do was listen to the questions in my mind and try hard to ignore the sinking feeling of dread pooling in the bottom of my gut.

_Why? Why is he giving this to me now? _

It seemed like the conversation he wanted to have with me centered around giving this back to me.

I sighed and realized that the only way to get any of the answers I was looking for would be to read that stupid fucking note. So, I reachedover with my left hand and grabbed the sheet of paper on the table.

I took a deep breath to still my nerves. It was useless. Nothing could calm me down at this point. The paper trembled, along with my fingers, as I began to read the perfectly scripted note.

_Jacob,_

_I want you to know that I sincerely regret that I am not having this conversation with you in person, looking you in the eye, man to man. There are things you need to know, and although you are not willing to talk with me right now, they need to be said. _

_Over the twelve days that Renesmee was missing and the month that she has been back, I have taken a lot of time to reflect on my misgivings about the timing of your relationship with my daughter, and every time I do, I arrive at the same conclusion. _

_I have greatly underestimated far too many things about you, my daughter, and the love that you two share for each other._

_Mostly, though, I need to admit something to you. Something that I should have realized long ago - _

_I have not been fair to you. In many ways, I owe you everything that I have. You have singlehandedly been responsible for saving my family, my wife, and my daughter from peril or death on several different occasions. And although I have thanked you for it, I don't believe I've ever treated you with unbiased respect that you deserve. _

_When I wasn't there for Bella – you were there, saving her, caring for her. When Bella was in danger from Victoria and the newborns – you were there, fighting for her, alongside us. When my family was in danger of going to war with your tribe over Renesmee's birth and Bella's transformation – you were there, granting us freedom from that fight by allowing me to break the treaty between our people, to save Bella's life. When my daughter was born, and my entire family was in danger of elimination from the Volturi – you were there, supporting and defending us. Most recently, when my daughter was being stalked and hunted – you were there, hiding her, protecting her, loving her. When she was trapped in a burning building, in danger of burning alive – you were there, saving her, burning __**for **__her. When she was lying in the snow, wasted away and starved – you were there, willingly giving your life for hers. _

_In all my years, I have never underestimated or undervalued anyone, as much as I have with you._

_It is now, and will likely always be, one of my biggest regrets._

_You have loved and protected the most important people in my life more times than most people could count. And you did it without obligation; just simply because you cared. _

_I know you didn't do it for me. I know you did it all because Bella is important to you... and because you love my daughter._

_You are a good man, Jacob Black. I was wrong to judge you poorly for simply loving my daughter, more than life itself. You were willing to give your life to her, without question or hesitation. I see your actions now, for what they really were. You love her beyond yourself, beyond logic, beyond convention and sometimes beyond reason. I am in no position to argue or deny either of you the happiness that comes from that. I am only very regretful that it has taken me so long to realize it._

_I hope that, with time, you can both find it in your hearts to forgive me. However, even if you don't, I want you to know, that when the day comes, I will be proud and humbled to have you as a member of our family._

_Carlisle found the ring. It was hanging on a handmade silver necklace that she was wearing around her neck when we found her. It was quite dirty, covered in dried blood and caked in dirt, so he had it sent off to our family jeweller to be cleaned. Due to the intricate design, it took much longer to clean than expected. We just received it back yesterday. _

_I know you're feeling unsure about things with her right now. You're right to feel that way; she is feeling apprehensive about you. I know her mind, though, and I hope that, despite everything, you can trust me when I say that it's not what you think. She needed time to sort things out, and now that she has, she needs to talk to you about how she feels._

_Go to her, Jacob. Say what you need to say and listen to what she tells you. _

_Trust in the love that you have for each other. Give her what she needs to be reassured of it too._

_I may know her mind – but you know her __**heart**__. No one knows it better than you..._

_~ Edward_

I stared at the letter, reading the last few paragraphs over and over again. My mind was reeling.

_When the day comes he'll be proud and humbled to have me as a member of the family. __**When**__ – not __**if**__. She wore my ring around her neck the whole time she was gone. She's apprehensive, but it's not what I think. Trust in our love, and do what I need to reassure her of it. I know her heart._

My own heart started to race in my chest, dancing with something I hadn't had in almost two months – hope. He was right. I did know her heart. I had to trust her – trust us – to make it back to each other. If she needed reassurance, I'd give it to her by the truckload. I'd do whatever it took for her to see how much I loved and needed her. We belonged together. She was mine, and I was hers. It was as simple as that.

I held on to that hope and tucked her ring securely in the front pocket of my jeans, praying that maybe – just maybe – she'd accept it once again.

With that thought, I drew in a deep breath, and jogged out the door, heading toward the beach.

I ran quickly and was able to reach the area in a few minutes. I slowed to a walk just at the edge of the trees outlining the beach. Bella met me there with a light hug and a small smile of encouragement, before heading back to the house. I heard Jasper take off in the trees after her, giving us some privacy.

I didn't move for a minute or so, just watched her as she sat on a blanket in the sand, with her back to a fallen tree – ironically the same fallen tree I had come to sit and talk on with Bella so many times before. I could see her profile as she sat, knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them to keep her skirt from blowing up in the wind, eyes closed, facing toward the water. She was wearing a soft, cream coloured, knit dress, with short sleeves and ballet slippers. Her hair was straight. She had been wearing it that way since we returned. It blew softly around her face in the light breeze. She looked so peaceful – and incredibly beautiful sitting there. In the month that we had been back her body had completely recovered. She had gained back all of her weight, and was once again the long, lean and curvy woman that I loved. Her skin had returned to its beautiful, smooth, creamy, peach colouring and her hair was shiny and soft again, like strands of copper silk.

She was sitting peacefully, unmoving, until the first few flakes of a new snow began to fall from the grey winter sky. It was cold that day, not that it affected either of us. I hadn't really noticed it until then. As the first few flakes fell around her, I watched in quiet amusement, as Nessie opened her mouth and playfully caught one of the flakes on her tongue, just like she used to when she was a kid. She used to love playing in the snow...

Better yet – no, not better, best of all – was what I saw next. She closed her mouth around the tiny little flake as it melted... and _smiled._ She smiled, for the first time since she had been back. I felt my heart clench with happiness, seeing her enjoy a playful moment for the first time in so long. It was so incredible to see her like that again. It seemed like forever since I had seen her soft, full lips curl up in happiness. I surprised myself when I felt the wetness from a tear roll down my cheek. I swiped at it, quickly brushing it off of my face, and reflected on the fact that my heart was so directly tied to hers that I could actually cry at the sight of her being happy. Until that moment, I had no idea how much I really _needed _to see her happy again. It was everything to me. I'd move mountains to make her smile.

I moved towards her, unable to stay away from her any longer, even if it was just to marvel at how incredibly gorgeous she was, sitting in the sand and snow, looking like an angel in that cream coloured dress.

I approached her quickly and quietly. She turned to look at me when I was standing next to her. She peered up at me with her big brown eyes, which were full of questions once again.

But there was a light to them that I hadn't seen since before she was taken. She seemed so much better today, not as cold or distant. She seemed almost... peaceful.

It was so good to see her like that again.

I smiled a small smile and nodded toward the sand beside her, silently asking if she wanted me to sit with her. She nodded. Without another thought, I sank down into the sand next to her. I gently picked up her hand, wrapping my fingers over the top of it and giving it a tiny squeeze.

We didn't talk for a while. We just sat quietly, with my hand over hers, a trickle of heat flowing between us, staring out at the dark blue-grey water and cold grey sky as the snow fell and drifted in the wind around us.

I inhaled deeply, taking in her sweet scent. It had only been eight hours since I'd seen her that morning. But it was the longest I'd been apart from her since she'd been back. I hated every minute of it. I just wanted to be with her, near her.

_God, I missed her._

"My family is leaving for Alaska next week," she said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

_What?_

My head snapped up and my eyes flew to hers. I knew that they were getting ready to go. When we returned from Nunavut we brought back several of the half-vampire babies, along with a handful of half vampire children and teenagers. We even brought two pregnant mothers who managed to make it out of the fire. Most of them fed on human blood. The Cullens were patiently trying to teach all of them about their vegetarian life-style, but they were worried about being too close to civilization with this many of them. Their presence was also causing a problem for my people in La Push. With the constant extra vampire presence, we'd had three new and very young wolves change in the last month. It was too intrusive to keep them here. Someone was going to get hurt, and everyone who was even a remote descendant of a Uley, and Ateara, or a Black was likely to make the change. So the Cullens decided to move to an isolated part of Alaska, where the Denali's could help them with the half-vampires, and where they could be far away from any towns or cities. It made sense for them to leave.

But I had no idea they were leaving next week.

_Did that mean... was she going with them? Was she going to... leave me behind? _

I felt my breath leave me in a huff. My hands shook and my heart lurched up into my throat. I was immediately drowning in panic and fear. I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't let her go. There was no way I could stay behind without her. It would kill me. But if that's what she wanted, if it's what she _really_ needed, could I deny her? I didn't know if I could. The only thing I _did_ know, was that letting her go would be the end of me. Without her, Jacob Black, as the world knew him just didn't exist.

"Jake," she whispered, "we need to talk."

I stiffened, hearing the weight and significance of her tone. I knew this was it. She wanted to talk – about us. I had been waiting to speak with her since she got back. I had been dying to talk to her, and explain. But now that the moment was here – I was nervous as hell. This conversation was going to make or break us. I knew things could never be different for me, on my end. She was the one for me. I would never love, need or want anyone else. But she wasn't bonded to me the way I was to her. Not technically, at least. I thought that, like her vampire family, she would mate for life. That was the theory, anyway. But what if that wasn't the case? What if I'd broken her trust by keeping this secret... and betrayed her heart, and my own, before she was even born?

There was only one way to find out.

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard against the baseball sized lump of fear in my throat. This was it – the moment of truth. It was time to lay all of my cards on the table, and let the chips fall where they may. I felt the pressure of our entire future, weighing on my shoulders. I was willing to bet that carrying a twenty story high building would have been easier. I had to convince her to stay... I just _had _to.

I turned to face her and met her eyes with my own, and my heart sank immediately – because for the first time since we had returned I could see the meaning behind the questions in her eyes. It was very clear what had been bothering her - crystal clear, actually. She was looking at me with eyes that were full of _uncertainty_, and I _hated _myself for it. I cursed myself silently for ever doing _anything_ to make her doubt me; because she did. I could see it now. That's what she had been hiding from me, and why she had been shying away from me for the last month. This was what her apprehension was all about. She doubted my feelings for her, because of my past with Bella. And I was willing to bet my life on the fact that her doubts and fears were a thousand times worse than they should have been because I had hidden it from her.

_What the fuck have I done? How could I have been so stupid?_

I had no idea what to say, or where to start reassuring her, or apologizing. My subconscious was no help. It was currently giving me a shit-kicking, going completely a-wall on my ass for not having figured this out sooner. But, I just didn't think it was possible. She _knew_ how I was tied to her... how much I could never live without her... how much I needed her and no one else. Or, at least, I thought she did.

"Can you show me?" she asked suddenly, but so quietly her voice barely carried to my ears on the wind.

I cocked my head to the side a bit in confusion.

"Show you what, Ness?" I whispered, desperate to know what she wanted to see that would help her make sense of all of this.

She swallowed thickly and looked down at our hands, before slowly turning the one underneath mine over, and pressing our palms together.

"Show me what it was like for you... with her."

My eyes shot up to her face in surprise, just as she glanced up to look at me apprehensively.

She wanted to see what it was like for me, with Bella, through my own eyes. I found myself shaking my head lightly in disbelief. I didn't want to do it. I wasn't exactly proud of the way that I handled things back then. I was a young, newly changed and emotionally charged werewolf, acting completely on emotion. I had never been in love, and thought that nothing could get better than what I had felt for Bella at the time.

I _should_ have known better. We were best friends, and yeah, there was something a bit more there, but it wasn't _that kind_ of love. I had seen through Sam and Jared and Quil, what it was really like to find the one you were meant to be with. But I was stubborn, and chose to believe that I was different.

I didn't like this idea. I didn't want to hurt Nessie by showing her how convinced I was that I was right about me and Bella, back then. How could she want to see that? I needed to show her how I felt for _her_... nothing good could come of showing her how I felt about Bella at the time.

"Please," she pled quietly, "you told my father that day that it was _different, _with me. I just need to know what it was like, how it felt for you... with her. I... need to try and... understand _how_ it's different."

As she spoke, she lowered her head, so that she was looking at our hands between us. I could feel her fingers twitch a bit, making me aware of the fact that she was nervous and wanting to fidget, and that stopped me short of my own feelings of fear and doubt.

_No, _I thought._ She shouldn't be the one who's feeling nervous here. She wasn't the one who lied, and she's never done a thing to make me doubt her love for me. I need to be the one to fix this. If she wants to see, then I'll show her. I promised myself I'd do whatever it took to reassure her, and if this is what she needs..._

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before finishing my thought.

_Then that's what I'll do._

_Man up, Jake. It's time take responsibility for how things turned out back then. _

Shoving my fears and apprehension aside, I squeezed her hand tightly in mine to still her fingers, and looked her square in the eye.

"Okay," I said firmly, "I'll show you anything you want to see."

She took a deep breath and let it out in a small sweet sigh.

"Thank you."

She closed her eyes, and prepared to do whatever she did to look into my mind, but I pulled my hand back a bit and hesitated. This could easily backfire, so I needed to know one thing before I started.

"Ness?"

She looked up at me, with her brow wrinkled slightly in confusion as to why I pulled back.

"Can you just promise me one thing first?"

Her brow wrinkled a bit further.

"I know what you want to see... and I'm willing to show you, if that's what you need. But will you let me show you the rest, too? Will you let me show you _everything_?"

I took a deep breath, knowing that what I asked of her was not going to be easy, for either of us, but also that it had to be done. I needed her to see the _whole_ truth.

"Just... promise me that, even if it's hard, you won't stop looking, and that you'll let me show you what _I_ need you to see, too. Please... just... just promise me that you'll hear me out to the end?" I asked quietly.

She debated quietly for a second or two, and then nodded slowly in agreement.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath to calm my rattled nerves, and thought back to the beginning, when Edward left and Bella came by to visit with the bikes for the first time.

I showed Nessie how we started hanging out all the time, how easy everything was between us, how we laughed and joked and talked like we'd know each other forever. We were the best of friends. Even then, I could feel the beginnings of a strong bond with her. It was weird, because I couldn't really explain why or how it happened. But I knew that I wanted to hang out with her all the time, even more than I wanted to hang out with my friends. I waited around for her to call, and would drop whatever I was doing to see her.

My friends started calling it a crush, and I had to admit it, I thought it was too. She was a bit older than me, and obviously a pretty chick, so what was there _not_ to crush on? But more so, I knew what I was starting to feel in my heart when I saw her. It was light, comfortable, warm and easy. All I wanted was to be around her.

The more time we spent together, the more I was convinced I was falling in love with her. We didn't go out on dates or anything, but we talked and held hands, and hung out, and it was great. It was just me and Bella. I didn't want to hang out with other girls, I didn't even want to look at them. That was love, right?

And every time she got hurt, on the bikes, and with that stupid cliff jump, I would panic at the thought of her being in pain, or at the thought of losing her. It was weird, but I knew I needed her to be around. Not wanted... _needed_.

And so, I decided, I was in love. It was exactly like all the books I'd read or movies I had ever watched, said it would be.

I was trying not to push her, because she thought she would never get over Edward. She told me she was broken, and that she'd never be 'right' for me. I knew what she was trying to say. She was trying to tell me that she couldn't give me all of herself, because she felt like she belonged with _him_. But, being the stubborn young wolf that I was, I was convinced that I could change her mind. I was convinced that what we had – that warm, easy connection between us – was enough.

But that should have been my next clue that things the way I saw them weren't quite right. Bella tried to avoid doing anything that was even remotely 'more than friendly' with me... because she knew how much 'more' she felt for Edward. I didn't believe her. What could be better than what we had? I didn't think anything could. But then, that was the difference between Bella and I. She had something to compare our relationship to... I didn't. And, of course, I thought she would come around and see things my way with time.

But then Edwardcame back, and she was with him all the time again. We didn't see each other anymore. It hurt that she ditched me like that. I felt like I had been betrayed, and like, somehow, I lost my purpose in life. I couldn't explain how painful it was to have her just turn her back on me and walk out of my life like that. I felt like I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me, and the only good thing that ever _was_ going to happen.

It all seemed to begin and end with Bella. Imprint or not – I needed her, and I knew it.

But then Victoria and her army were discovered and the Cullens needed help from us wolves. Bella and I started hanging out again, and even though I knew she was in love with Edward, I decided to try my best to convince her to be with me, instead.

So, I told her that I loved her. Actually, I threw it at her, in the heat of the moment, and then kissed her, like an ass, without her permission. She punched me. I deserved it.

I didn't give up though. For some reason, the bond between us, that need I felt to be with her, wasn't getting any weaker. _Even though_ she was with Edward, and she told me that she would never choose me over him – it was getting stronger.

I was so confused. I couldn't understand why I couldn't let her go. I hadn't imprinted on her... so it shouldn't have been that hard to just cut her out of my life and say goodbye. But I couldn't do it. Whether she was with Edward or not, I knew I had to keep her with me, too.

And then, one day in the garage over a couple of sodas, she told me the worst piece of news I had ever received in my whole entire life up to that point. She told me that he was planning to _kill_ her, to make her one of _them_, and that she wanted it that way.

I remembered that was so livid I almost phased right then and there.

I heard Nessie gasp in fear at that thought. She knew how dangerous it would have been for her mom if I had phased that close to her. But I couldn't help it at the time.

Bella didn't seem to get it either, though.

I just remember thinking that she couldn't die! Couldn't she see...? I needed her.

And I wanted to kill Edward. Every piece of logic and reason in my mind told me to find that bloodsucking monster, rip him limb from limb and burn his bits and pieces into a pile of ash, because I needed her, and he was going to kill her. So, when I revealed the news to my brothers in the pack, we made the decision to take him out – for good. There was only one catch... we had to wait until he actually _bit_ her, so that the treaty would be broken and the rest of the Cullens couldn't come after us for doing it.

I tried everything I could think of to avoid that bite. I provoked him, over and over again, trying to get him to cross the treaty line, or make him lunge at me in anger... _anything_ to get him to break the treaty another way and avoid having him bite her. It didn't work. The bloodsucking bastard had too much control for that... and, it seemed, he wasn't too keen on biting her anytime before he absolutely had to either. It was Bella that wanted him to do it.

That made it hurt even more. That she knew how I felt about her, how much it was killing me to watch her with him and know that he was going to take her away for good... but she did it anyway. Fuck. It was pain like I'd never felt before.

So I figured that I had to step up my game, since we knew he was planning to bite her soon, and I knew that my time was running out. So I told Bella, that until her heart stopped beating, I would be there for her. She could change her mind, she didn't have to be with him and die, she could be with me, and live. All she had to do was ask me to kiss her to let me know she was considering her options.

I flashed forward to the morning of the fight with the newborns; to the moment I learned that Bella had agreed to marry Edward. That made the horror of her choice official for me.

_I_ felt possessive over her, and _he_ was claiming her. It wasn't right. He was taking away the only girl I had been ever been drawn to. He was going to _kill_ her, and she agreed to it... even though she knew she would have to give everything up for it – including me.

I ran, howling loudly through my pain, wanting to get as far away from the source of it as possible, but Edward chased after me. He caught up with me in the trees, and you would think that I would have jumped him right there and ripped his fucking head off. But I didn't. I just couldn't do it. Bella loved him enough to want to be with him... and, even though it hurt like a bitch to admit it, it was apparently more than she ever needed or wanted to be with me. I hated him, but I couldn't kill him because of what it would do to her. I could tell he loved her, but it wasn't enough in my books. I couldn't understand how he could promise to love her forever, and then 'change' her by sucking the life out of her and turning her into one of _them_.

Edward didn't say much, but he looked guilty and asked that I go back to talk to Bella, because she felt horrible that I was upset, and wanted to see me. I almost didn't go... but I could sense Edward's apprehension... and I recognized that moment as my last opportunity to talk some sense into her, before I lost her for good.

So when I got there, I did what any young, emotional, sixteen year old, hormonal, teenage werewolf would do. I acted out of desperation, and guilted Bella into kissing me, under the pretence that I would get myself killed in the fight with the newborns because she didn't want me.

And she fell for it, just like I knew she would, because I knew that on some level, she needed me, too.

So I kissed her, and it was everything I thought a kiss should be. I even felt a whisper of heat flow through my heart. It was just a shimmer, but it was enough to convince me that I was right about the fact that I loved her.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for Bella. She chose him anyway, because she felt _more_ for him.

I was crushed. She was going to die. I would lose my best friend – this incredible girl that I felt so connected to. I would lose everything.

I showed Nessie what it felt like the day that I got her wedding invitation. It felt more like a death certificate to me, just waiting to be signed. I showed her how my heart was throbbing and already aching for the loss of my best friend and that connection we shared that neither of us could really explain.

I skipped forward then, to the first time that I saw Bella, after they returned from their honeymoon. I showed her how shocked I was that, even though she was married to another man, and pregnant with his child, I still felt the _need_ to be around her. It killed me to watch her suffer, knowing that she would likely die. The pregnancy wasn't healthy for her. It was obvious to everyone that it was slowly killing her.

And then I showed Nessie how our bond grew even stronger throughout the pregnancy, how I needed to protect her from death so strongly, that I disbanded from the pack to warn the Cullens and help them defend Bella, when Sam decided to kill her and the perceived threat that she was about to give birth to.

I snapped out of my memories and back to the present when I heard the distinct sound of sniffles. Nessie was crying.

_Shit. I knew this would hurt her. This is why we kept all of this from her. She shouldn't have to see this. _

_I can't stand watching her like this. We were so ignorant... just acting off of what we knew about the immortal children from what the Cullens told us. We had no clue about what she would actually be like, how absolutely different she would be from them. _

"Baby," I said quietly, lifting my free hand to her cheek to wipe her tears with my thumb, "we didn't know. We had no idea what you would be. I'm so sorry."

I wished I could somehow skip over all of this, and not show her the parts that would make her feel this way, but I couldn't. She needed to see the truth, and as horrible as our presumptions were, they were part of it.

She nodded and fought back her tears. I shook my head lightly in disbelief. The strength and understanding she demonstrated to me, by accepting what she was hearing the way that she was, astounded me. She never ceased to amaze me. But... it wasn't over. I hadn't even gotten to the worst part yet.

"It gets harder here," I whispered as I wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. "The hardest part is coming... and I don't want you to be upset, but I know you will be. And you should be. But I want you to know that what I said before was true. We had no idea what you would be... none of us. Including me. _Especially_ me. If there was any other way to show you, I would do it. But there isn't. I need you to see how it really was... and the only way to for you to see is to show you _all_ of it. Even the parts I wish weren't true..."

I hung my head feeling like the scum of the earth, knowing that if she was crying over the fact that my pack mates wanted to kill her before they knew what she was, she would be devastated with what was coming next. And there would be no one to blame for that but me.

She sniffled and squeezed my hand again.

"Keep going," she whispered.

I felt my hands shake, with fear for her reaction and anger at my younger self, and showed her what came next... the day she was born.

I skipped to the part where Edward handed the newborn bundle off to Rosalie, while I worked to keep Bella's heart beating. Once his hands were free, he got busy pushing venom into Bella's system any way he could.

I reluctantly showed her my thoughts about Bella being dead, because I knew how much it bothered Nessie that Bella had been in such rough shape after having her. Instead, I focused on how I _knew_ she was gone. Edward sais she wasn't, that she was still alive, but I knew differently – because I didn't feel the _need_ to be in the same room with her anymore. I felt absolutely no connection to the broken body lying there beneath me, as I pumped it's heart, trying to make it keep beating. The pull toward her, my need to be with her – all of it was gone. All that was left was the mangled and broken body of my best friend. But it could have been the body of anyone I was friends with. There was nothing 'more' there... just... nothing.

I heard Nessie gasp and wanted to ask her why, but I didn't stop because I knew that if I stopped there, I would never get through the rest, and the most important part was still to come.

I showed her how Edward threw me out of the room after that, and how I left, almost drowning in that ocean of pain I felt for the loss of the connection we had. I remembered the feeling of rage that took over, and the need to _do_ something about my pain.

I suddenly felt like I was being pulled toward the baby, the one that took everything away from me. It was the same pull I had felt toward Bella, that compulsory need to go to it. I was enraged and in so much pain, and my entire being was being drawn toward the source of all of my misery. It wasn't a choice; I was literally being drawn to it. So I walked down the stairs, toward the room where Rosalie was feeding it. The entire time I was moving toward it, I went with the intention to attack, and the knowledge that I would probably be killed for doing it. But I didn't care. I needed to get rid of it. Every bone in my body was willing me forward, toward the source of all of my anger and grief, because I just knew in my gut that by going in there, I would eliminate the source of all of my pain...

I was broken out of this memory by Nessie's sobs. It nearly broke my heart in two. I held her hand tightly as she tried desperately to pull it away, and spoke in a hushed whisper, through my own tears of guilt and pain over hurting her with this.

"I'm sorry. Nessie, please... please don't stop looking. Not now. You need to see... please," I begged.

I knew I had no right to ask her for anything at that point. I had basically just confessed to wanting to kill her. But that was before I knew anything. It was before the world made any sense. That was when my whole world was made up of confusion and pain and frustration over losing that bond that I needed so badly... but I had to show her what came next. It was how everything that was wrong in my life at that moment suddenly became _right_.

So held on to her hand as tightly as I cold, pressed our palms together, and flashed to the next memory quickly, while our hands were still connected, and before Nessie could do or say anything else, because this was what I really wanted her to know.

I showed her Rosalie, lifting the baby up in her arms.

I showed her the first time that I looked deep into the wide, chocolate brown eyes of the most wonderful person in the whole world.

I showed her the _real_ reason I was being pulled toward that room. I misinterpreted the pull because I was reasoning with my dark emotions.

I was so wrong. It wasn't hate and grief and vengeance pulling me toward that room.

It was life, and light and fucking _destiny_ that dragged me in there.

It was her.

And then it was like everything fell into place and made sense.

I showed her what I knew was my fate, recalling every single second of my life from that moment on.

_Her. It was all her. All along._

_She _was the reason I was being pulled toward Bella. _She _was the reason I felt that tiny spark of warmth with Bella. _She _was the reason I needed to be around Bella, with her, in her life.

Because I needed _her_.

It wasn't about Bella at all.

I showed Nessie how intense it was. I showed her what happened to the pull that I had felt between Bella and I, the bond that I thought was holding us together, the bond that left the room upstairs the moment _she _left. It multiplied – ten-fold and then a hundred-fold, and then a _thousand_-fold, until it was bonding me to the little girl in front of me with steel cables charged with a pulling force greater than gravity itself. It was mind-blowing. It was _everything_.

I heard Nessie gasp, and mutter a soft 'oh my God' when she witnessed the power of the imprinting bond through my thoughts.

I nodded, even though she probably wouldn't see it, and muttered a quiet 'I know' in response. It was intense. From what I had seen in the minds of my pack mates, our bond was more intense than any of the others. I wasn't sure if that was because I was the alpha, or if it was because I had literally started to bond with her before she was even born, but it was like nothing I had ever seen or experienced.

But that was only the beginning...

I raced forward through her childhood, showing her how much fun I had with her as she grew up. I loved being there for her like a big brother would, just hanging out, taking care of her, having fun together. And the bond grew stronger. It felt like the pull between us had warmed up. It felt like the warmth from a ray of sunshine. She was my sun, the centre of my universe. I revolved around her. When I was around her I felt warmth and light and pure happiness. It was amazing.

I had always been sort of young at heart, but a lot of my light-heartedness had begun to fade after I phased into a wolf, which I really didn't want to do, and while I was upset and confused over Bella. My own teenage years were cut short by becoming the leader of a pack of crazy wolves, treaties with vampires and a my one-sided non-romance. I got some of that back with her. I got to just hang out, without responsibilities for a while, just listening to music, going to concerts, watching movies or goofing around on the beach and hunting.

Being around Nessie as she grew up kind of gave me a second chance to just relax and have fun... I wouldn't have traded that time with her for the world.

Then, things changed again, when _she_ changed. I flashed forward to this past year, when she grew up into the incredibly beautiful and compassionate woman that she was today. If I had thought things were easy with Bella, it was nothing compared to how it was with Nessie. Easy was a bad day for us. We talked about anything and everything. We hung out all the time, and never wanted to be apart. We shared almost all the same interests, and whatever interests we didn't share, we were eager to learn about, because everything was fun when we were together. We knew what the other was thinking without either of us ever saying a word. We'd even started finishing each other sentences sometimes. We were even better friends than I had ever become with Bella.

But it was more than that. Our personalities suited and balanced each other perfectly. She was the calm to my energetic storm, she was the laughter to my every joke, she was the smile that matched the warmth in my heart when I was happy, and the tears that matched sadness in my heart when I was hurting. And I was all of those things for her. We just – fit.

Our bond strengthened over that year, and even though I didn't realize it at the time, the warmth between us had grown too. I just hadn't figured it out until the day that she showed me, standing in our living room in Alaska, by running her hand down my arm in a soft touch that, like a solar flare, literally left me burning in its wake. She touched me with a different purpose that night, and it sparked something between us that was like _nothing_ I had ever felt before. I showed her how the warmth felt for me that night. How it was like lava. It was pure, unadulterated passion and love. I was reeling from it. And once again, my world began to change for the better, because of her.

Then, I thought about how she supported me through one of the darkest times in my life. When my father died I lost the only person from my childhood that hadn't abandoned me. My mother died when I was just a boy, and my sisters left me at home alone to help care for my disabled father when I was barely a teenager. My dad had been the only one I could count on... he was the one who was always there. I really didn't have family to speak of without him. At least, I didn't until Nessie came into my life.

I was devastated by his loss, but, I found that I didn't feel alone or empty like I expected to. I didn't have a chance to, because she was there with me, every single step of the way. Her calm sorrow and grief over losing a man that had been like a grandfather to her, was the perfect counterbalance to my rage and anger over his murder. She didn't say much, just hovered nearby, ready to help when needed and offered her love and concern. I appreciated that. She knew how hard it was for me to talk my way through pain. In the past I ran away from pain, or tried to beat it away with my fists, but I could never run from her. So I worked through it silently on my own, and she just stayed nearby and waited. She put aside school, confronted her family about our new relationship, and put her entire life on hold, so that she could come home with me, and support me through his funeral. She was my rock, my island... I would have been lost in my grief and anger without her. And again, I found that I loved her a hundred times more than I ever thought possible that day.

"Jake," I heard Nessie whisper. She wanted to talk, but I wasn't stopping now. I was lost, wading in the memories of our time together after that, holding each other, loving each other, exploring each other's bodies with hands, kisses and tongues. We might have been on the run, and things weren't easy, but they were still good, because we were together.

It was like the bond that I had to her lit up, and the heat from it was flowing between us. It hummed and burned and drew me to her like no earthly force ever could.

And then I remembered the night I asked her to marry me. I thought about how happy I was to have her forever... to finally make her mine, after waiting for so many years. I wasn't upset or frustrated with waiting. I'd wait forever to be with her. But I was humming with warmth and love and excitement.

And when we made love... I wanted to _drown_ in her. I lost myself, gave myself over completely to the connection we had. What used to make me happy, was now way beyond that. It was pure bliss. And it was vital. She was just as necessary to me as food, water or oxygen.

She was my true love, my whole heart and soul, my life.

And I was nothing if not one hundred percent hers. I was her puppet, she was the puppeteer. I would go anywhere with her, do anything for her, be anything for her... her wish was not just my command, it really was my only desire in life to make her happy.

"Jake," Nessie said again, a little louder this time. She squeezed my hand tightly in hers to get my attention.

"Jacob, look at me. Please."

I shook my head, feeling my heart clench and became nearly paralyzed with fear from my head all the way down to the soles of my feet. This was it. She would either love me, or leave me based on what she knew, and I was dying inside at just the _thought_ that I could lose her...

What happens to a planet when it no longer has its sun?

As I looked at our hands, with her small, thin and pale fingers laced through mine I panicked. The only thought on my mind was 'please don't leave me...'

"Stay," I begged in a voice that was barely a whisper. "I'll do anything. It's always been you. I only needed to be around her, so that I would be here for _you_. I love _you_. Please stay..."

I held my breath waiting for her answer.

And the one I got shocked me.

She threw herself at me, crashing her lips to mine and pulling my body as close to hers as possible. I gasped in shock around her lips as I felt the cold wall of distance that had built up between us shatter into a million pieces and crumble into dust.

Suddenly, I felt the heat between us burn and flame, like never before. We were like kerosene lit with a match - hot, burning and explosive.

I kissed her back with everything that I had. I held her body to mine, one hand in her hair, one hand at the small of her back, locking her in place, as my lips captured and pulled at hers and my tongue explored her mouth, tasting her delicious peach and honey flavour, loving her with every caress.

I kissed her forever, and she kissed me back. Lips, tongues, hands, arms... they were everywhere.

"Jake, I'm sorry," she eventually mumbled around my lips, speaking through our kisses.

"I should never," she gasped as I kissed and claimed her neck to let her speak. I sucked and licked at every conceivable part of it as she struggled to get her words out through panted breaths.

"I should never have doubted you."

She paused as I nibbled on her collarbone, taking a minute to catch her breath.

I barely noticed that she was struggling to speak.

_Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, _was all could think, over and over again with every brush of my lips, tongue or teeth against her skin. I was like a starving man in the desert, being led to water...

"I love you."

That caught my attention, though. My heart stopped. My hands froze where they were on her and my mouth rested against the hollow above her collar bone. I let out a breath that I had been holding since the day she ran out of the cottage and the world turned cold and lifeless.

I raised my head to look her in the eye, and spoke with more sincerity, fervour and emotion than I ever had in my whole entire life.

"I love you. More than anything."

Her face softened. "I know," she whispered, with a sad smile playing on her lips. Her chin quivered slightly before she continued.

"Jake... I'm so sorry."

I shook my head.

"Stop apologizing, Ness. You have nothing to be sorry for. I kept this from you... and made you doubt me because of it. You didn't do anything wrong. This one's all on me, baby," I said sadly, owning up to my mistakes and placing the guilt where it belonged.

"Oh, Jake..." she hung her head and stared at her lap, "but I did do something wrong. I did the worst thing I could ever do..." she whispered as her chin quivered and tears started to roll down her face.

I felt my brow furrow in confusion wondering what on earth she had to feel sorry for, while she pulled my right hand down from her hair and brought it between us. She gently pushed back my sleeve and lightly fingered the scar on my forearm where she drank from me.

A sob broke free from deep in her chest as her tears spilled down over my wrist.

"How could you have let me do this?" she asked in an agonized whisper. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to stop when I was so starved? I could have _killed _you, Jake... I'm so sorry. I..." her voice broke again as another sob made its way out of her throat. Her shoulders were shaking hard, so much so that she slumped forward a bit under the pressure of it.

I crushed her to me and buried my face in her hair as I whispered to her softly through her tears.

"It's ok. I'd do it again to save your life. I told you. I love you more than _anything_... I'd give my life for yours in a heartbeat. My life isn't worth anything without you, baby."

She sobbed again and wrapped her arms around me in a vice grip. I could feel her need to be close to me, so I held her tightly, while she shook her head.

"It," she hiccoughed around her tears and swallowed hard before speaking again. I'd never seen her this upset, and after everything she had been through, that was saying something significant.

"It would have killed me... if I did that to you. You can't... I can't... I _need_ you Jake. How could you let me do that?" I pulled her onto my lap and hushed her while rubbing her back.

I tried to calm her down. I shushed her and spoke softly.

"It's ok," I said repeatedly. I didn't know what else to tell her. I couldn't tell her that I was sorry for doing it, because I wasn't. I couldn't tell her that I knew she would do the same thing for me, because I honestly wished she never would. So I just told her that it was ok, because it was.

After a while, I felt our warmth seep around us, covering us, comforting her. It worked its magic, and within a few minutes, she was calming down.

When her sobs finally quieted, and her tears ran dry, she pulled back to look at me. I brushed her hair away from her face and looked into her still glassy brown eyes. I smiled lightly at her and hesitantly asked what I was dying to know since we started to talk.

"Does this mean you'll stay?"

She smiled and leaned her forehead against my own nodding quickly.

"I was never going to leave, Jake. I know you thought I was pushing you away. But I could never leave you. I was hurt and confused, but I never, not for one second, stopped loving you."

I exhaled in relief and then sucked in a quick deep breath before looking deep into her big brown eyes and asking her about the only other thing that mattered to me. My heart was pounding in my chest again, and my blood was racing through my veins with hope and anticipation.

"Do you still want to marry me?" I whispered.

And then I watched, horrified, as her face fell and she looked down at our hands sadly.

_No._

My jaw locked against the pain that ripped thought my heart and threatened to break me. She loved me... but she didn't want me.

_No._

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath through clenched teeth and forced it down my nearly non-existent windpipe. The ball of hurt and pain lodged in my throat made it difficult to breathe, but I had to control it. I didn't want to hurt her any more than I already had today. I couldn't let her see my pain.

Her head snapped up when I sucked in that breath and she looked at me with surprise. She reached up and took my face firmly in both of her soft and warms hands, looking me square in the eye, before answering in a firm and unwavering tone of voice.

"Yes," she said soundly.

I shook my head in disbelief. The ball of pain receded quickly, but the air I was trying to force into my lungs before, was suddenly pushed out of my now slack jaw and widely open mouth in a huff.

_Come again?_

"Yes?" I asked incredulously.

She smiled and nodded.

"Yes. I'd marry you today if I could. Tomorrow, if I have to wait that long; next week at the latest, if you ask me." Her voice was calm, steady and her eyes sparkled with love.

My mouth dropped open even further at her admission, while my heart did the happy dance to end all happy dances, because she was dead fucking serious.

"Today?" I whisper in happy disbelief.

She smiled and nodded.

I couldn't believe my luck. I woke up this morning, almost convinced that she didn't want me anymore. I couldn't have been more wrong, and I'd never been happier to be mistaken in my entire life.

"I've had a lot of time to think about things, Jake," she said softly, sliding her hands off of my cheeks and running her fingertips down my neck causing me to shiver, before resting them lightly on my chest.

"We're immortal and we're supposed to have all the time in the world. I know we have the rest of eternity to be together, so there shouldn't be any rush... but I almost lost eternity last month. I don't want to wait for anything. I just want to _live_, and be happy. And I want to start right now, as long as that's what you want too."

I felt a broad smile stretch across my face.

_That's my girl. She's back, just as strong, beautiful and compassionate as ever. And she wants to marry me – soon, _I thought, feeling the love and pride I had for her bubble up in my chest.

_Jacob Black, you are one __**lucky**__ son-of-a-bitch._

"Nothing would make me happier than putting that ring back on your finger and making you mine, forever," I told her and kissed her lips softly. I let it linger. I missed being with her like that. I groaned softly at the sensation of her lips on mine - they were so soft, so warm, and she tasted so damn good.

"Jake?" she asked as she ended the kiss and pulled back.

"Mmmm?" I answered, still lost in the sensation of kissing her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to tell you this, but... I lost my ring," she said in a sad, guilty whisper.

I opened my mouth to tell her it wasn't really lost, but she continued in a rush, cutting me off before I had a chance to explain.

"My fingers got too thin, and it was sliding off on its own. So I took it off and put it on my necklace, so that I didn't lose it. I remember the weight of them against my neck the day you found me... but when I woke up both the necklace and my ring were just... gone. I'm so-"

"You mean this ring?" I asked cutting her off mid-apology, while pulling her engagement ring out of my pocket and holding it up for her to see. It sparkled a bit, even with the lack of sun in the grey and snowy sky.

Her eyes filled up with tears and she nodded vigorously with a small smile on her face.

"Oh, Jake!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Where did you find it? Have you had it this whole time?"

I beamed, ecstatic at seeing her that excited, and shook my head.

"Your dad gave it back to me just before I came out here to talk to you." She looked at me curiously, obviously confused about how Edward had gotten hold of it. "Apparently Carlisle found it on your necklace when we got back to the cottage, and it was pretty dirty with... well, everything. So he sent it off to be cleaned."

I sighed and took a deep breath before admitting to Nessie what I thought had happened to it.

"I noticed it was missing the first day we woke up, but I didn't want to say anything," I mumbled and toyed with the ring in my fingers, not wanting to say that I thought she'd rejected me out loud. "I thought-"

"Jake," she whispered and held her left hand out for me while cupping my cheek with the right. "I was going crazy thinking I'd lost it. I never did take it off. I was always yours, Jake. Every second of every day I was gone, my heart belonged to you – even when I was mad at you, and I wasn't sure if yours truly belonged to me."

I frowned and shook my head.

"I didn't deserve that from you," I whispered quietly before taking her left hand in mine. "You gave me your heart, even though I broke your trust. You deserved better than that. But I can promise you this, Ness. I'm going to do everything I can, ever day, from now until forever, to earn your love. I know you're the one for me, and I promise to show you that I can be that for you."

I swallowed against the lump of emotion growing in my throat, before taking her ring, and gently sliding it back on her hand.

"Thank you for accepting me. I love you," I whispered as I took in the sight of her wearing my ring once again.

She smiled a small smile and placed the hand wearing her ring on my chest, right over my heart.

"I love you too, Jake. You don't have to prove anything to me. I get it now. We've never really been the most conventional couple. I guess this is just one more thing we can add to the list. What's in the past, is in the past. It doesn't change anything about what we are to each other now."

I shook my head, amazed with her once again, for being able to see right to the heart of things. The way that fate kept me where I needed to be, so that we could be together, was complicated, confusing and painful for everyone involved – but most of all for her. And there she was, accepting it for what it was, and choosing not to let it affect our present and our future.

I placed my right hand over top of hers on my chest, holding it to me so that she could feel the strong and steady beat of the heart she owned more and more with each passing second, and wove my left one into her hair. I pulled her in and brushed my lips softly over hers once... twice... three times... before pressing them gently together. We sat there like that, her in my lap, hands together over my heart, kissing softly, never deepening it past light caresses, for what felt like hours. With every pass of her lips over mine I felt the warmth trickle from her into me. It seeped through my skin into my hands, my lips, my legs and my chest – everywhere we were connected – and right into my blood stream. Hot, soothing, vibrant warmth flowed through my veins from my head down to my toes, and straight to my heart. I felt like I was glowing with the heat, from the inside out.

When we were done, both humming and glowing with warmth, Nessie pulled back to look at me with a smirk on her face.

I cocked my head to the side in confusion, wondering what she was amused with now.

"What?"

She shrugged lightly and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

"You might want to move a few feet away for this. I have a phone call to make, and I'm pretty sure it's going to get a bit loud."

"Really…?" I asked curiously.

"Mmmm hmmm," she replied. "I have to call Aunt Alice and tell her that she's only got a week to plan the perfect wedding."

I threw my head back and laughed, nodding in agreement.

_Well, _I thought happily, _this should be interesting._

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	47. Love Under Will

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 47 – Love Under Will**

With nothing to do you'd waste away  
Obscure in exile  
They've witnessed the times  
You've gone astray  
Whose fault, now you're thinking...

There's nothing to prove  
A message from the crowd  
To the shore... baby

And it feels now  
Just like heaven's coming down  
Your soul shakes free  
As its conscience hits the ground

So strange are the ways,  
They all have changed  
Still life, it stays the same  
A break from the past  
Could make it last  
Maybe just a little longer

There's nothing to prove  
A message from the crowd  
To the shore...

You surrender  
Love under will  
Rest assured, baby, you're adored

And it feels now  
Just lie heaven's coming down  
Your soul shakes free  
As its conscience hits the ground  
These signs, this fate  
Takes a path you didn't choose  
Stay Strong, Keep Faith  
There is a change that's  
Coming through  
Hold on, my love  
Hold on, my love

_Heaven Coming Down ~ Tea Party_

**JPOV**

"Hello?" I mumbled groggily, propping the phone between my ear and shoulder while rubbing the sleep from my eyes with a fist. I tightened my other arm around Nessie's waist as she lay next to me, sleeping. She was tense. I could feel it in the hard muscles of her shoulders and back that were pressed against my chest. Her breathing was a bit shallow and fast. I was pretty sure she was having another nightmare. I would have held one of her hands to check and make sure, but they were balled up into solid fists against my forearm as she clung on to me tightly.

She hadn't had a nightmare in almost a week. I thought that she would sleep peacefully last night, because of everything that had been settled between us on the beach yesterday... but I couldn't say I was surprised that she wasn't.

I sighed, knowing that the agenda for the day was probably the reason for both her nightmares and the early phone call from her father. I glanced at the clock. It was quarter to eight.

"Jacob," Edward said quietly, "I'm sorry to wake you. How is Renesmee?"

"Sleeping," I mumbled with a yawn. "It looks like she won't be for long, though. I think she's having a nightmare."

Edward sighed into the phone. "I know she is. It seems as though she might be a bit anxious about the meeting today." I sometimes forgot that Edward could hear our thoughts here in the cabin from all the way up at the big house.

"I thought she might be," I responded, before bending forward slightly to plant a soft kiss in her hair.

She had nothing to worry about, but I knew she wouldn't see it that way. The Cullens and the Quileute Elders, along with Sam and I and a few wolves from each pack, were meeting today to create a new treaty. It was something that both sides thought was necessary, given the fact that Nessie and I were getting married, and joining each other's families.

I knew Nessie was worried about how it all would go. The Cullens and most of the Elders and wolves involved were all for creating a more flexible, friendly agreement between us. After all, Nessie would be living with me, in La Push, and technically, her entire family was still forbidden from crossing the lines onto the reservation. That wasn't ok, for either her, or me. I didn't want to make her choose between being with me and being able to see her family. She should be able to see them any time she wanted, and they should be able to come visit us too.

"She's dreaming about the last time she was around the others," Edward said, interrupting my thoughts.

I groaned quietly under my breath, being careful not to wake her, while thinking of the last time she saw any of the elders or the other wolves besides Leah and Seth. It was the day of my father's funeral. Paul's asinine behaviour, along with the cold shoulder from some others, including my own _sister_, were just a few of the horrible things that happened to her that day.

Neither of us had seen Paul since we'd gotten back – which was a good thing, for him, because I still had a score to settle with that prick – but I had spoken to Rachel. She said that she felt awful for the way she treated Nessie at the funeral, saying that she was hurt and grieving, and that Paul made her think some things that weren't true. She also said that she was ready to apologize. When I called her, it was to tell her that we were getting married. She cried, and said that she was happy for me, and that she'd love to have Nessie as a sister. I relayed the message to Nessie, which she accepted and, because she's always way too damn compassionate and understanding, she said that she forgave Rachel and didn't blame her for being upset with her the day of my dad's funeral. I did, though. I blamed all of them for making her feel like it was her fault that my dad was dead, and I was still pissed as hell at them for treating her the way they did.

"Will Paul be there?" Edward asked smoothly. He tried very hard to hide it, but I could hear the hard undertone in his voice. None of the Cullens would happy to see him, but he was Sam's right hand man, so I knew he was expected to come.

Edward growled lightly on the other end of the phone. He was obviously picking up on my thoughts about Paul being in attendance. He sounded like he wanted to kick Paul's ass for what he did to Nessie that day. I couldn't say that I blamed him, but if that's what he wanted, he'd have to wait in line. He could take whatever was left of my asshole of a brother-in-law when _I_ was done with him.

I had to try and push those feelings aside for the day, though. We needed to focus on the new treaty and creating some sort of peaceful alliance between us – it was actually really overdue. The treaty didn't make much sense any more. It was originally created to protect the people of La Push from the Cullens. But we'd lived with them long enough now to know that the Cullens weren't a threat. And even though, as of the end of this week, Nessie wouldn't be a Cullen anymore, in the eyes of the treaty she was still one of them. And that meant that the terms of our agreement had to change.

I smiled inwardly and shook my head in wonder.

_Renesmee Carlie Black._

I liked that.

_Mrs. Renesmee Carlie Black._

And that... I _loved _that.

I loved the sound of it, and the _feel _of it. I couldn't be happier or more proud to call the beautiful, strong, intelligent woman in my arms my fiancée, and was even more ecstatic that in just under a week's time, she would be my _wife_, my family in every sense of the word, and she would share my name.

Call me a caveman, but I loved that she wanted to change her name. It made it official. No one would ever question who she was with, or where she belonged again. It made her _mine, _and of course, it made me _hers_. She wasn't _taking_ my name... I was giving it to her, along with the rest of me, and she accepted it.

I heard Edward clear his throat and shook my head a bit, snapping back to reality. I knew he was listening to my thoughts about her taking my name... and how much I liked it. For a split second I wondered if it bothered him that she was changing her name.

"No," Edward said swiftly and quietly, "it doesn't. I told you before that I would be proud to have you as part of our family, Jacob. The sentiment runs both ways. I'm equally as proud for her to join yours."

I sat quietly for a moment, taking in what he said. He sounded sincere. He was quoting the letter he left for me the day before, right before I went to meet with Nessie on the beach. When I read the letter it felt like he was being honest, but I really didn't take much time to think about what he had said. I was busy worrying about more important things. Hearing him say it now, though, I could tell that he was being sincere.

"Thanks," I said simply. I didn't feel like getting into it further with him though. There was already enough to worry about, without throwing some sort of heart-to-heart with Edward into the mix.

"Listen, I just called to let you know that the family and I are going hunting," Edward said quickly, effectively changing the subject. "Bella thought that you and Renesmee might want to come with us... but seeing as she's sleeping fitfully, she might want to rest before this afternoon. We'll be going straight to the meeting from the hunt. If you and Renesmee would like to meet us while we're out, you can call my phone or Bella's and we'll let you know what our location is. If not, we'll wait for you at the boundary line."

"I'll ask her when she wakes up. If we don't call, expect us to meet you at the river at two forty-five." The meeting was at three and was being held on the beach in La Push. The Cullens had permission to show up on their own, which made sense given the nature of the meeting, but Carlisle thought it was best that I met up with them on their way in, as a sign of good faith.

I didn't think it mattered either way, but I figured that Nessie might want to go in with her family, and I wanted to arrive with _her_, so I agreed.

"Are you planning to take some time to inform her about some of the things that have been going on, so that she's not surprised this afternoon? I don't want her to think that she's purposefully being kept in the dark," Edward asked cautiously.

Up until now, she hadn't really wanted to hear about any of the things that had happened to the others that were staying at the compound we found her in, or about any of the human people involved. She said that she was only concerned with the fact that she and I, and the rest of her family were safe, and that she'd worry about the rest later. But, most of the details were bound to come up in one form or another this afternoon. I hoped she was ready to talk about it, because I didn't want her to think that I was keeping things from her again.

"I planned on talking to her," I mumbled quietly as I fingered a strand of her hair, wondering how to fill her in on everything without upsetting her. It wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Thank you, Jacob. Please call if you need us for anything. We'll see you at two forty-five unless we hear otherwise then."

"Yeah, see ya then." I mumbled and stifled another yawn as Edward hung up.

I flipped the phone closed and watched for a while as Nessie continued to sleep, hoping that she would wake up soon. I hated that she was feeling stressed over seeing everyone today. She shouldn't have to, but because of the way they treated her after my father died, she did. It made me sick to think about what they had said to her, and I promised myself that she would never have to go through anything like that ever again.

So, I made it very clear with the Elders and with Sam when we set up the meeting the day before, that _no one_ was to disrespect her, mot at this meeting, or _ever_ again. I let them know, in no uncertain terms, that I would personally deal with anyone who stepped out of line. We were getting married, and as my wife, she would officially be the other half of the head of the tribe. I was their chief, and although I didn't like to throw my weight around, I'd do it in a heartbeat for her. If anyone so much as looked at her the wrong way at the meeting, I would have no problem putting them in their place. She would be treated with the respect she deserved, no questions asked, or I would kick their asses – case fucking closed.

My adrenaline was already pumping and my muscles were tense at just the thought that someone would try to push their luck today where she was concerned. I kissed her temple and laid my head against hers, trying to get myself to calm down. I buried my face in her hair and took a few deep breaths, inhaling her sweet peach and honey scent. It helped. I felt the rush of adrenaline slow and the warmth begin to take over, just like I knew it would. I let it seep through my skin and flow through my veins until I felt calm and peaceful again.

I don't know how long I stayed with her like that, just inhaling her scent, letting it calm me and fill me up... and I didn't care either. I was in my favourite place in the whole world; so I decided to lay back, take it all in and enjoy every second of it. I settled in, letting my body relax and get comfortable, and just breathed her in and out of my heart and soul, over and over again.

"Jake?"

I scrunched my eyes up a bit before opening them, realizing that I must have fallen asleep again. I woke up to Nessie calling my name. Her voice was small and slow. She sounded like she was still tired.

"Yeah, baby?" I mumbled back into her hair.

"Sorry, I didn't meant to wake you," she said quietly and apologetically.

"That's ok, Ness." I opened my eyes and blinked against the sun that was now streaming steadily through the windows. "It must be getting late." My stomach rumbled lightly, and between that and the angle of the sun, I figured that we must have slept in and missed breakfast.

"You hungry?" I asked.

She stretched a bit stiffly, arching her back against me and lifting her arms over our heads, before she rolled over in my arms to face me. Her eyes were bright and a bit red. It looked like she had been crying. I brushed a stray copper curl away from her forehead with a frown. She must have had a pretty bad nightmare for it to make her cry. I was unhappy about the fact that she had woken up, and had been crying, and I wasn't awake to help her.

"Yeah, I'm actually really hungry this morning. I was thinking of going up to the big house to get some breakfast. Do you want to come?" she asked quietly, looking up at me with her sad, brown eyes.

"Your dad called earlier. Your family is all out hunting right now. We can go too, if you want." I figured that she might not want to, seeing as she hadn't gone since she had gotten back. She had been eating a lot of human food lately, which was unusual for her because she didn't like it that much. When I'd asked her about it, she said she just didn't feel like she was ready to hunt yet.

"No," she replied quickly with a shake of her head, "I'd rather not if that's ok, Jake. I'll just get something from up at the house."

I wasn't surprised that she turned it down. After everything she had been through in her time in captivity, she almost completely shied away from everything to do with blood. The last time she'd had any to drink was the day we woke up together after we got her back. Even then she'd refused to finish a full cup, and asked for human food instead. I overheard Carlisle and Edward quietly debating one day about whether or not she would ever feel the desire to drink blood of any kind again. Carlisle said that the trauma she suffered over being pushed to drink might have made a permanent mark on her psyche, making the entire experience a negative one forever. I'd seen her reaction to blood, and the mention of hunting since we'd gotten her back. She tensed immediately, and got anxious at the thought of it. Edward said that every time she was exposed to blood, she would remember the attempts that were made to make her drink from humans, and the pain and suffering it caused. Even though she tried to push the memories away, they still affected her. I tended to agree with Carlisle. I wasn't sure if she would ever want to hunt again. Edward said that he thought she might, given that she had a few positive experiences to replace the negative ones. I guessed that only time would tell.

She leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, before rolling over and getting out of bed. She still looked tense, but didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I decided not to push her. She'd let me know when or if she wanted to talk. It was really hard for me to get used to that kind of thing when she came back. She seemed to want to sort things out in her head on her own as often as she could. As much as it killed me to see her upset, and not try to talk with her about it, I could see that it actually helped her a lot to just sit and think. She said that she needed some time to process how she was feeling about things first. Then, if she wanted to talk, she would come to me, and we would talk about whatever issue it was calmly, without any fidgeting and anxiety or nerves.

She told me once that she wished she had done that the day she was taken. She felt like she gave _them_ the perfect opportunity to take her away, because she had run from her problems instead of thinking them through and then talking about them with us. I didn't agree with the fact that she thought any of it was her fault, but I did think that taking the time to stop and think before acting was a good idea. And since giving her time to think had been working really well for her lately, I decided to do it now. I knew she liked to be alone with her thoughts at times like these, so I came up with a reason to leave her to it.

"Why don't I go up there and throw together some breakfast while you take a shower, Ness?" I offered, figuring that a hot shower might help relieve some of her tension and give her some time alone to think, without her having to worry about me being around.

She let out a small breath and relaxed a bit, before smiling and nodding at me, which made me smile in return.

"I'd love that. Thank you," she said earnestly.

I rolled out of bed and threw some pants and a t-shirt on over my boxers. I made my way over to where she was standing, staring out of the window with her back to me. I approached her from behind and planted a light kiss in her hair at the crown of her head.

"I'll be back in a bit."

"Mmmm, 'kay," she mumbled absently, before turning to kiss my cheek softly and then making her way across the room. I headed out the door as she made her way down the hallway to the washroom.

Once I was in the Cullen's large kitchen, I glanced at the clock and realized how late it was. I decided to make a big breakfast of omelettes, bacon, toast, waffles, cheese and fruit. I knew we'd likely be holed up in the cottage all day while I got her caught up on things, so having some extra food around would be probably be a good idea. Besides, it was already eleven thirty, so this was more like brunch, since we'd missed breakfast altogether.

I worked quickly, tossing things in the dishwasher and on a tray as I went. I popped some frozen waffles in the toaster, tossed a full pack of bacon in a frying pan and got it going, and then started chopping vegetables for the omelettes. By the time the bacon was done, the omelettes were ready to put on and a half-dozen waffles, and the same amount of toast, were ready to go. I cut up some fruit and cheese, and put it on a plate. I shredded the left over cheese and then flipped the omelettes before sprinkling some of the shredded cheese on them. Once the cheese was melted I put the omelettes on their plates, and got some orange juice and water for the tray. I looked it all over, and smiled while shaking my head at myself, and thinking of my dad. It was a good thing I'd done so much cooking for us over the years. I wasn't a great cook or anything, but I had pretty much perfected breakfast food. We ate breakfast food all the time, even if it wasn't breakfast. My dad was a sucker for a good omelette and some crispy bacon.

Once I checked to make sure I had everything we needed, I grabbed the large tray, balancing it easily in one hand, as I made my way out of the back door and jogged across the property to the small cottage just inside the tree line. I slowed to a walk about a hundred feet away from the cottage, grinning at what I heard. The slow, sad tune of one of her favourite songs, plucked and strummed out carefully on an acoustic guitar, floated out through the air around the cottage.

_She's playing again._

I slowed my walk down to nearly a crawl, just wanting to let her enjoy the moment a bit longer before I interrupted with brunch.

I knew how good this would be for her. She hadn't played since she got back. She'd looked at her guitar at least a half dozen times since we'd returned, but hadn't picked it up yet. She always told me that she was a lot like her father when it came to music. It helped her reason through her emotions a bit, and helped her express herself. She used to play almost every day. I loved hearing her play, whether it was just goofing around, or playing something she liked when she was in the mood to hear it.

I loved hearing her original pieces the best, though. She hadn't created that many, but the ones she did come up with were really good... although she told me that she didn't share them with anyone but me. She said that they weren't good enough for everyone to listen to, that she was just playing around with things, trying to tell some simple stories with her strings. She even wrote one for me once, last year. She said she thought of the melody one day when we were tooling around in my garage. She had started plucking it out that day while she was with me. She used to keep me company all the time in the garage and she brought her guitar with her a lot. But she didn't tell me about the song until almost a week later when it was done. It was short and happy, but slow and sweet at the same time. She said it reminded her of how she felt when she was around me. If I had been paying closer attention, I might have caught the slightly wistful tenor of the notes... because from what I knew now, she had already started to develop deeper feelings for me back then.

When I was about fifty feet away, the song she was strumming changed quickly and flowed seamlessly into the one I was just thinking about. I chuckled and let myself in the door, smiling at her greeting, and then at her surprised expression as she froze and eyed the size of the meal on the tray.

"Hey, don't stop on my account," I joked and closed the door behind me.

She giggled and set her guitar down.

"Are you planning to feed everyone supper after the meeting today, or are you just _that_ hungry?" she asked, shaking her head at me.

I shrugged unapologetically and sat down at the small table across from where she was taking her seat. I noticed that her hair was dry, and she was still in her pyjamas. She must have opted to play the guitar instead of taking a shower. It was obviously a good choice because she seemed a lot more relaxed than when I left her.

"We missed breakfast, and it's pretty much lunch time now. Besides," I explained cautiously as she sprinkled her omelette with hot sauce and took a bite, "I'm not sure what time we'll be done later. We might be having a late dinner."

She swallowed thickly around her bite of omelette and nodded slowly before taking a small sip of juice.

"I know. There's a lot to be discussed," she said quietly. She stopped there, and didn't say anything else, but her eyes were full of worry and unanswered questions.

"Everything will be fine, Ness," I said softly. I held her gaze with mine, trying my best to show her that I sincerely felt that way. The worry in her eyes lessened and began to fade the longer she looked into mine, but the questions remained. I hated that she was doubting how welcome she and her family would be today. I knew that it was unrealistic to expect that there would be no tension whatsoever, but after my father's funeral... she'd been given more than enough reason to believe that her family's presence wasn't welcome at all... and neither was she. It was my job to make her, and everyone else there today, see that things had changed. That it was time to put the past behind us, and move forward, onto something new – something better for all of us.

I could see by the way that she tilted her head to the side and the way she fiddled with her ring, twirling it around and around on her finger, that she was nervous and thinking about something, but she didn't ask me anything. I decided to continue eating and wait for her to ask me what she wanted to know. But if she hadn't asked me anything by the end of brunch, I would have to be the one to bring it up. It couldn't wait. There were things that she needed to know before going to the meeting this afternoon, and we only had a few hours to discuss them and get ready to go.

We ate quietly, each of us having a little more than our usual fill because of the missed breakfast and the possibility of a late dinner. I finished first and sat back in my chair, silently sipping at my orange juice, while she picked at the last of the fruit on her plate. She chewed and nibbled slowly on a strawberry. But this was no ordinary nibbling. She was driving me crazy with the way that she wrapped her lips around it, biting, sucking, licking up a stray drop of juice from the side of her mouth, and pushed a piece of melon around her plate with fork.

I clenched my jaw around the small groan that bubbled up into my throat. She was purposefully taking her time... _and_ she was trying to distract me.

She was stalling.

I lowered my eyes away from the little show she was putting on with her fruit, and stared the wood floor beneath my feet. As much as I loved the idea of a _distraction,_ we just didn't have time for it.

"Ness," I said quietly, but firmly, letting her know that I was on to her little game and that I wasn't going to fall for it.

She sighed, put down her fork and slumped back in her chair.

"I know, Jake. We need to talk," she replied reluctantly.

I looked up at her. She was looking nervous and tense again. I sighed because I knew there was no way to get through all of this without upsetting her, but that just made it even more important to start early. The earlier we started, the more time she'd have to calm down again before we left for the meeting.

I stood up and held my hand out to her. She looked me in the eye and took it, pulling herself up to stand next to me. I guided her over to the large chair in the sitting room and sat, pulling her into my lap. She settled in, lifting her feet up to sit on the arm of the chair, and twisted a bit so that she was facing me. I took one of her hands and laced my fingers through hers, while she toyed with her ring again on the other one in her lap.

It was silent for a moment while she thought. I wanted to let her lead this conversation, so I didn't say anything, just waited out her silence while she decided what she wanted to talk about first.

"Where are the others... like me – where are they now?" she asked quietly.

I smiled lightly at her apprehensive expression and brushed the thumb of my free hand over the worry lines in her brow. I was so proud of her for doing this.

"They're in Alaska with the Denali's. They're staying there until the new house for your family is ready at the end of next month. Kate and Garrett are going to stick around to keep an eye on them when the rest of the family comes down for the wedding this weekend," I replied.

She frowned a bit and shook her head. "Kate and Garrett aren't coming to the wedding?"

I shook my head, and thought a bit about their abrupt departure last week. Nessie didn't know why they left, just that he and Kate had to go in a hurry.

"Garrett couldn't stay, he had to get home." I sighed and took a deep breath, because this next piece of news wasn't good, and it wouldn't do anything for her but prove that she was right to be worried about how things would go this afternoon.

"Garrett had a little... _problem_ last week. Seth came by with Olivia, she wanted to visit you. But... things didn't turn out so well with that." I swallowed thickly thinking about the confrontation that happened as I saw it through Seth's mind.

"Jake... what are you not telling me?" she asked, as her eyes narrowed on my face, which I'm sure told her how nervous and reluctant I was to give her this little piece of information, especially today.

"Garrett had a bit of a problem around her. She's... well... apparently it isn't just her personality that's really sweet," I mumbled and then grimaced as I realized how offensive and just _wrong_ the words sounded as they were coming out of my mouth.

Nessie gasped and shook her head minutely. Her eyes welled up with tears and she looked away from me, hiding her face behind her copper curls.

"Oh my God... he didn't... was Seth... I... she – Olivia must have been terrified! And the baby, oh my God, Jake! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?" she cried out in sheer panic.

"Ness, it's ok. He managed to keep his composure really well. He growled a bit and put up a small fight, but he didn't get anywhere near her. Your dad, Seth and Jasper got him outside right away. He and Kate left the same day. Your dad said he felt really badly about it, but it's hard for him to be around someone like her because he hasn't been resisting human blood as long as everyone else has." I tried to sound reassuring when I spoke, and did my best to make sure to stay calm. I was worried about it too, when I heard, but Seth told me that everything was fine and that Olivia was barely even aware of what was going on at the time, because Garrett was in another room.

"No, Jake. It's not ok," she said sorrowfully. "Olivia and the baby could have been hurt. This is exactly what everyone was worried about going wrong when they said that my world and yours –"

"Don't," I interrupted sharply. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Ness. There is nothing _wrong_ about this," I concluded, motioning between us with a finger.

"No. No, Jake that's not what I meant. It's just..." she shook her head and stared down at her hands. Her eyebrows were pulled together in concentration and she frowned, trying to find the words to convey what she was thinking. But I didn't want her to find them. I didn't want her thinking like that at all.

"Then don't say it," I told her before she could say anything else. "You and I were meant to be part of each other's lives. I know it, and you know it too. And if we're meant to be together, then the people in our lives were meant to be together too. _Don't _do this. Don't let them make you doubt what you _know_ is right."

"Jake," she sighed, placing a hand gently on my cheek.

_I don't doubt you. I don't doubt us. Not at all. I'm sorry for making you feel like I was. I'm just worried about how all of this will go. You know that having the people of your tribe around my family constitutes a risk... and everyone else knows it too. They have a right to be worried..._

I shook my head in disagreement. "The risk your family presents is minimal. Edward and Jasper were prepared to do whatever it took to keep Garrett away from Olivia. They were willing to stop him at any cost, even if they had to injure him or get injured doing it. They protected her, Ness, and they'd do it again if they had to.

"Please just - don't worry about this. You and I both know that what Paul said to you the day of my dad's funeral was a load of crap. He's a hothead, and the only reason anyone agreed with him that day was because they needed someone to blame, because they all felt guilty for not being there themselves, _like they should have been._"

I took a shaky breath and swallowed my anger over that last statement, because it was the worst part of the truth. They should have been there for him... someone should have been looking out for him while I was gone, and Paul, as his son-in-law, would have been the most likely candidate.

"You loved my dad, baby," I whispered, giving her a gentle squeeze around the waist. "I know you would have done anything you could to prevent what happened to him. None of this is your fault."

She sniffled and laid her forehead down on mine. Neither of us spoke for a minute. I wasn't sure about her, but I was trying to get myself back together again. My chest was tight with grief just thinking about my dad.

"I miss him," she whispered quietly. "I wish he could be here today... and Saturday."

I felt my throat constrict with emotion at her quiet admission. I wanted to answer her, and tell her that I did too, but I couldn't. I had been trying not to think about it too much. But I missed him like hell. I could really have used his quiet wisdom and advice about the meeting. And, more than anything else, I wished he could be there at our wedding on Saturday.

"He would be so proud of you, Jake," she whispered softly.

I nodded and hugged her close, wishing I could tell her how much it meant to me that she said that.

After a minute or so, she sighed and kissed my forehead lightly, signalling that she was letting it go. I was grateful for that, because I didn't think I could talk about my dad and keep it together enough to be there for her, and there was still so much more to tell her.

I heard and felt her take a couple of deep breaths, obviously preparing herself to continue with our other conversation.

"How many of them are there, like me?"

I decided to give it to her straight and tell her all of the facts about who was brought back here with us, and what was happening with them now. I spoke quietly and slowly and kept it short, sticking to the facts. It seemed like an easy enough question to answer, but I was sure that she wouldn't like some of the details about why their numbers stood the way they did.

"Twenty three," I said and then launched into the list of facts about them that I had memorized. "There are two girls that are in their teens, that are Joham's youngest kids, four kids between the ages of eight and twelve, and the rest are under five." She knew that I was speaking of their relative ages, not how much time had passed since they were born. All of them, except for the oldest two, were born within the last three years – right before Joham's death, and then throughout the years afterward.

"One of the babies is Amber's." I paused here and checked her face for a reaction, but she kept her face clear of any emotion while she listened. I could almost see her trying to detach herself from the whole situation and look at it critically, instead of emotionally.

"Only two of the pregnant moms made it out alive. They're both... _gone_ now. Carlisle asked both of them whether or not they wanted to be turned when their child was born, and they refused. After everything they'd seen and been through, they didn't want anything to do with vampires...

"There were more babies. About a third of them didn't make it out of the fire because they were too young and there weren't enough older ones to carry them." I muttered softly.

She took a deep quivering breath and nodded.

After she had taken a minute to process that, she opened her mouth again to ask another question, but her face contorted a bit, almost like it was painful for her.

I waited it out. I knew she'd have to do this at her own pace. I didn't want to push anything on her if she wasn't ready to hear it.

"Are they...? Are any of them...?" She paused and took another deep breath, closing her eyes while she let it out.

"Are any of them _his_?" she whispered softly.

Her entire body tensed over me as soon as she muttered the question. All of her muscles went taut, even the ones in her chest, as she held her breath and waited for her answer.

I flinched slightly at the question. She surprised me again by being stronger than I gave her credit for. She was going straight for the tough questions, and I had to admire her bravery for doing it. It took a lot of courage for her to talk about this.

Once again, I decided not to beat around the bush with my answer. Sugar coating things wasn't going to help. She just needed the facts, so that's what I would give her. The answer to this one angered me, though, even though it probably shouldn't have. So I had to work a bit to reign that in before I spoke.

"Yes." I said quietly through my teeth. I kept it short. It bothered me more than I wanted to admit. The sick bastard that stole her away from me, _to breed with him_, had at least three kids with other women. There were two girls and a boy. Only the boy resembled him. The girls were both babies, in their first year of life, and were like human toddlers. The boy was a bit older, probably about three calendar years old, and was the rough equivalent to a ten year old human boy. He was almost the spitting image of his father, except for his dull blue eyes and shorter dark hair. It was easy to tell who his father was just by looking at him. The girls were more difficult. They were both dark skinned, but one had brown eyes and the other had hazel ones. Their features were obviously more like their mother's had been. We wouldn't have known that they were related to that sick fucker at all if the boy hadn't claimed that they were his sisters. He saved them from the fire.

"Are they _like_ him?"

I could hear the tension in her voice and I knew what it meant. She wanted to know if they had their father's gift.

"No. At least, it doesn't seem like it yet. Your dad has spent time with all of them and said that none of them seem to be gifted. He did say that the boy is a bit guarded and doesn't seem to trust us, but Edward thinks that's understandable, all things considered. We'll know more after they spend some time with Eleazar this week."

She let out a deep breath and opened her eyes, lifting them up so that she was looking at me from under her lashes.

"I never want to meet them. Any of them - ever," she stated firmly.

I blinked a couple of times, a bit shocked by the amount of conviction in her voice... but I understood where she was coming from. I didn't want to meet them either. Just the thought of them being _his_ kids made me angry. I knew it wasn't fair to them, but I wanted nothing to do with them.

I nodded my forehead against hers.

"You'll never have to, Ness. I'll make sure of it," I promised. And I would. She had gone through enough, and was working so hard to put it all behind her. She didn't deserve to have any reminders of him and everything he did to her.

"Thank you," she whispered and kissed my lips softly. I returned the kiss just as softly and then hugged her to me to try and reassure her that it was all going to be alright. I tucked her head under my chin and she looked down as she played with the hem of my t-shirt.

"What's going to happen to them?" she breathed.

It was another tough question... with an equally tough answer.

"They're going to stay with your family, in Alaska, until they're old enough to be out on their own. The Denali's have offered to help with them. Carlisle and Edward have been helping them adjust to drinking from animals. At least that's the plan – for now."

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before I continued with the hard part.

"Carlisle contacted the Volturi. They know... about everything." I admitted quietly. I was furious when Bella told me about this. Apparently the entire family would be implicated and in danger, once again, if they kept this from them, so the Volturi had to be informed. After Carlisle called, Jane and Caius had been sent to deal with things here, during the two days that Nessie and I were unconscious. We found out when they got here that they had been tracking the situation for a while, and were due to visit Joaquin in a month's time. Edward said that they were genuinely surprised about Nessie's involvement in any of this, although they didn't seem upset about it at all, which didn't surprise me. The Volturi only cared about themselves and their rules.

"They decided to leave the half-vampires with your family, if they could make sure that they followed the rules, and if Carlisle gave Aro yearly updates on how things were going. Jane said that if there were any problems the Volturi would return and the entire lot of them would be eliminated. They did take Adrian with them though. He was the vamp with the shield that kept blocking us. Apparently he was pretty high up in the whole operation. Jane said that Aro would want to see him and get details about everything before they 'dealt with him'. Edward said that Drake, the second in command, was the one who started the fire, and that he somehow died in it too."

She shuddered when I mentioned Drake's name. I knew that he was the one who attacked her in P.E.I., and that both he and Adrian were responsible for kidnapping her. She had to be glad to know that Drake was dead, and that the Volturi were dealing with Adrian, although I wished _I_ was the one to handle him. He was the _real_ reason my father was dead. Jasper managed to get that much information out of him while he was here with us. If I had been awake and aware of what was going on, I would have argued with the Cullens about handing him over to the Volturi. He should have been _mine _to deal with. He was responsible for my father's death and he was the one who attacked Nessie the day of his funeral. I had a couple of scores to settle with him.

"So that's it? The Volturi just took Adrian with them... and left everyone else?" she asked curiously. I could clearly hear disbelief in her voice.

I couldn't blame her for being sceptical. It wasn't the Volturi's style to leave anyone behind in a situation like this. They liked to punish, and make their authority known. And she was right. That wasn't it. But the next part wouldn't be easy for her to hear at all. And it pissed me off a bit too, because it was another thing that they dealt with, that I would much rather have done myself. But at least the Volturi had made themselves useful for something.

"No," I said quietly, "that's not it." I grimaced while running a hand over my face and tightened the arm that was around her waist before delivering the next piece of news.

"They did... _eliminate _someone while they were here," I said carefully.

She lifted her head and turned to look at me curiously. I could see in her eyes that her mind was working, trying to figure out who was left in the whole mess to be taken care of. I didn't think she'd figure it out, though. She didn't know anything about it...

"Who?" she said softly after a minute of trying to figure it out.

I held her gaze, wanting to give it to her straight, and be able to judge her reaction when she heard the news. It might upset her, because she didn't know the reason behind it. I did though, and for once, I was actually happy for the Volturi to do their so-called jobs. Even though it went against everything I stood for as the alpha of my pack and chief of my tribe, with this death, justice was served... even if it was by that leech Caius.

"Connor Miller," I said evenly.

Her brow furrowed a bit in confusion for a few seconds, before her eyes widened to almost epic proportions and her mouth fell open. Her breath flew out of her lungs in a huff and washed over my face as I carefully watched her reaction while she processed the news.

"Jake... what? How...? _Why_?"

I grit my teeth and bit back a growl as I thought about it. That fucker was lucky to live as long as he did. I should have killed him before he had the chance to do half of what he did...

"Oh my God," she whispered to herself. Her eyes were darting back and forth over the front of my shirt as she was drawing her own conclusions about things.

"He was in on it... wasn't he? He was... helping _him_."

"Yes," I answered dryly, because 'helping' was putting it mildly. "Adrian saw that Connor was interested in you when he was spying on us in Alaska. He confronted Connor about it immediately, and made an offer to help him, if he helped Adrian out with a few things first. Connor was enrolled in computer programming. He was a hacker in his spare time. Apparently he was really good, because he helped Adrian keep track of all of our cell phone use when we went on the run. Connor was the reason they found us, every time. He also helped them track down your parents, and even Carlisle and Esme once in Europe. Connor got paid for his 'services', and he was told that he'd have his chance... _with you_... once the others got what they wanted," I seethed.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath after that last part before I could continue. It made my stomach roll and my entire body shake with fury just to think about this. I bit back another growl and quickly slid Nessie off of my lap while I went to stand on the other side of the room until I could get myself under control.

_This_ was the reason I was so glad that Connor and all of those other fuckers were dead.

Because, from the sounds of it, the sick fuck who took her would have pimped her out to just about anyone who wanted her after he was done with her. I was infuriated when Edward told me what he had found out from Connor. Apparently they brought him to our room the day we got back, so that Edward could question him about Nessie. That was the first part of the plan I had thought about for him when I found out that he was involved in all of this. I wanted details, because I knew, I just _knew_ that that son-of-a-bitch was up to no good. Only _I_ was supposed to be the one to take him out. I would have liked to see the look on that fuckers face when a seven foot tall, enraged werewolf came after his ass. He knew about the vampires, he even knew what Nessie was, but as far as Edward could tell, he didn't know about us wolves.

I took a few deep breaths and waited for my limbs to stop shaking before I turned back towards Nessie.

She had her back towards me, arms crossed over her chest, and had walked over to the window. Her shoulders were slumped but tense and through her reflection in the glass I could see that she was biting her lip. Her eyes flickered to me briefly when I turned to face her, and I could see the pain there. What she was hurting about, though, was a mystery to me. Connor deserved to die for what he had done. He knew some of what she was in store for if they got their hands on her, and whether he felt guilty or not for his part in all of it after it happened, he still did it.

"He's dead because of me, Jake."

I thought my eyes were going to fall right out of my head with how wide they got after hearing her feel guilty... _guilty_ of all things, for that bastard's death.

"No," I spat out in a low snarl, "he's dead because he was an asshole who couldn't pass up an offer to take advantage of a beautiful girl. _Don't you dare_ feel sorry for talking to him or being friendly with him, or feel like you dragged him into this somehow. He was scum; him, and all of his friends that he hung out with, too." I sneered at the floor remembering what Seth told me about Olivia, and Connor's friend - Travis. It was just too bad that we couldn't find a link to that creep in all of this too. I wouldn't hesitate to take him out for just the smallest detail, or at least hold him down while Seth did.

"But Jake, you warned me. You told me not to hang out with him. You didn't trust him, and I didn't listen to you when you told me to stay away from him. I should have listened to you."

"You're right, and that means that _I'm_ the one who should take the blame for this one, Ness. I should have trusted my instincts about him. I knew he was up to something... right from the start. I should have paid closer attention to him. And I should have taken care of him that night I found him in our house with you. They way he smirked at me, while he was hugging you, set off alarm bells that I shouldn't have ignored. If you want to blame anyone for his involvement, then you should blame me. I shouldn't have let him walk away from our house that night, whether you wanted me to or not."

She turned to face me and sighed deeply, before walking up to me and taking my hands in hers. She tilted her head back and looked at me with love and understanding.

"I guess we're both partially to blame for that then, Jake. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. I should have trusted you more than that," she whispered.

I shook my head, because I didn't agree with her guilt at all, but I didn't want to argue with her. She had been manipulated, and he was an asshole of the lowest kind for taking advantage of her. But I doubted she would see it that way any time soon, so I let it drop.

I glanced at the clock over her shoulder and realized that time had flown by and it was already two o'clock. She glanced over her shoulder to do the same thing when she realized what I was looking at.

"I guess we should shower and get ready to go," she said quietly.

I nodded and released her hands.

"You can use the shower first if you want. I'll clean up in here," I offered. I turned toward the table, but she grabbed my hand and held it tightly in hers.

"Why don't we do it together?" she asked.

"It's ok, babe. I can clean up. Don't worry about it."

I gave her a half smile, and then raised my eyebrows at her in confusion when she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth again.

"I wasn't talking about the cleaning," she whispered somewhat shyly.

Oh.

_Oh._

I swallowed thickly and felt the half smile drop into a small gape as I stared at her. We hadn't really done anything besides kiss since she returned... and I was ok with that. We had the wedding coming up in five days, and I figured that we'd probably just wait until then before we made love again.

But, then again, there were other things we could do. Was that what she was suggesting? I had no clue. I mean, I wanted to. I just didn't want to push her, or rush things –

"Jake?" she said softly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answered hesitantly, hopeful that she'd been thinking what I was thinking.

"Come on," she said with a smirk, and tugged on my hand as she began to walk to the bathroom.

When we got there, I pulled her to me and kissed her lightly on the forehead, before gently picking up the hem of her t-shirt and slowly lifting it over her head. She gave me a small one sided smile and reached for the hem of mine.

I gently grabbed her wrists in with my hands and shook my head at her. She frowned and looked at me questioningly.

"Let me take care of you for a little while, baby." I whispered. "Now, and later, when we meet with everyone else. You've been through a lot, and you've been so strong. I know you're nervous about later, but I don't want you to be. Let me do this for you... and let me take care of everything this afternoon. You deserve it, and so much more."

I stared at her, pleading with my eyes. I wanted to do this so badly. No... actually, the more I thought about it, the more I knew I _needed_ to do this. I needed to be there for her, to help her relax, to protect her, to love her. It's what I lived for. She never made it easy on me though. She was always so strong and independent; I just hoped that she'd let go for one day, and let me do this for her, for me, for us.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath... and nodded.

My heart swelled with pride and love for her. She hardly ever let herself be taken care of, but that was my job... and I planned on doing it damned well for her, today and every day after that. I kissed her forehead and muttered a quiet thank you into her hair, knowing how hard it was for her to let go like this.

I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders, humming under my breath in appreciation of the smooth softness of her skin. It seemed like forever since I had the opportunity to touch her, to worship her body in any way. I gently pushed her back a couple of inches and spun her around so that her back was to me. I ran my hands down her arms, reacquainting myself with every inch of skin from her shoulders to her fingertips. As I did that I nuzzled my face into her hair at the crook of her neck and breathed her in. It was all peaches, honey and pure unadulterated Nessie...

I slid my arms and hands around her slender middle, pulling her in for a light hug. She tilted her head to the side, giving me access to her neck, which I kissed from her collar bone to her jaw. I nibbled it lightly, pulling the skin gently between my teeth and licking it, as I slid my fingers down into the waistband of her pants, and pushed on them lightly until they fell to the floor. She stepped forward and out of them, and then turned to face me.

I rested my hands on her hips, ran my fingers in small circles over her soft curves, and allowed myself a minute to take in the beautiful sight in front of me. She stood there, with her pale, peachy luminous skin, long, slender, shapely legs, and curvy hips covered in rose coloured lace. Her slender waist and full, beautiful, breasts were covered in lace to match her panties. She had the face of an angel, surrounded by her long, soft and shiny copper hair. She was a sight beautiful enough to bring a man to his knees... and I wasn't fighting it.

I dropped to my knees in front of her, with my hands still on her hips, kissing the soft skin of her flat stomach. I hummed in appreciation as she slid her hands in my hair, before hooking my index fingers into each side of her panties and slipping them down her legs.

I didn't linger on the floor, because I knew that being that close to her, and her sweet, delicious scent, was more temptation than I'd be able to handle. I was determined to do this right.

So with a slight shake of my head I pushed myself slowly up off of the floor, to stand in front of her. Her hands stayed in my hair the entire time, only shifting slightly from the top to the back of my head as I rose to my full height. When I looked down into her big chocolate brown eyes, she was looking back at me with love and acceptance. It felt so good knowing that she was putting herself entirely in my hands for the rest of the day, because she loved me, and trusted me to take care of her.

I lowered my head to capture her lips in a slow, soft kiss. She tasted like Nessie, with a hint of strawberry and melon from the fruit at lunch. I pulled and nibbled at her bottom lip as I wound my arms around her back and unclasped her bra, using my thumbs to brush the straps gently across her shoulders until they fell slack and the little scrap of lace fell to the floor between us.

We kissed until the fire started, and the heat smouldered between us. Again, not wanting to rush things, and needing to do this right, I slowed us down and ended the kiss before it got too heated. When I pulled away from her, she sighed, and closed her eyes.

I turned the hot water on to full and let it warm up before taking her hand and guiding her in. I left her under the hot spray for a minute while I quickly got rid of my own clothes. When I climbed in her back was to me. She was standing underneath the spray, with her head forward and her hands against the shower wall, letting the water hit her shoulders and run down her back.

I reached out and rubbed her shoulders. I could feel the knots and tension under the pads of my fingers and thumbs as I rubbed and pressed down into her smooth skin. She hummed and moaned lightly as I worked. I could feel the tension leaving her muscles - they literally softened like butter under my fingertips. I knew she was really relaxing when her head fell forward with a loud moan. Her whole body seemed to slump forward a bit at the waist, causing her butt to slide back into me. She gasped lightly when the small of her back came into contact with my erection.

I was as hard as steel, and honestly aching for her. She was just so beautiful, naked, soft and smooth under my hands... and the moaning... there wasn't a warm blooded man on the planet that _wouldn't_ be turned on at the sight and sound of her.

I bit back a moan of my own at the pressure on it, because _damn_ if it didn't feel good to have her pressed up against me again. I leaned forward into the hot spray and kissed her neck with an open mouth as I continued to rub her shoulders.

"Jake," she murmured at me, leaning farther back into me, making me twitch against her back and release the small moan I had held in before. She was all heat, and tension, and soft, and sweet, and there was slickness and wet from the water and the steam, and _goddamn _if it wasn't getting hot in there.

_Fuck._

I slid my hands down from her shoulders to her waist, breathing deeply and trying hard to control myself, because if I didn't, I would definitely lose sight of my goal, and end up taking her right against the shower wall. And I didn't want to do that. Ok... fuck that. Yeah, I _did _want to do that. I really, _really_ did. But this wasn't about me, or my pleasure, as much as it was certainly turning out to be. It was about her.

I stepped back a couple of inches, trying to relieve myself from some of the warmth and the pressure, but stopped when she whimpered.

_Fuck_. _Goddamn it, she fucking whimpered. I can't refuse her if she asks me. She knows I can't deny her anything she wants. _

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I'm a self-proclaimed slave to this woman. What she wants, I will happily provide, every single time. I could smell her arousal. It was amplified by the steam, billowing all around us, and it's affect on me was intense. It was so saturated that as I breathed in, I swore I could almost taste it on my tongue... and it was fucking incredible. It was all I could do to stay still and wait until she told me what she wanted, what she _needed_ from me. Whatever it was, I would give it to her.

"Jake, please... touch me," she murmured softly. She was pleading with me, and I wasn't going to argue. I smiled lightly to myself as I realized that her request still fit within my plans to take care of her and only her for the rest of the day. I could take care of her this way too. She was so tense, this could be just one more thing that would go a long way into helping her calm down.

I slid one hand up to her full breast, cupping it and squeezing it gently as the other slid down toward where she needed me most. She moaned and bucked her hips slightly, throwing her head back against my shoulder as I slowly swirled my index finger around her swollen nub. She was slick and slippery, and it wasn't just from the water. She needed this... and I was more than happy to give it to her.

I hummed against her neck before kissing it softly, and sliding the tip of my tongue across it until I reached her jaw. I loved the way her skin tasted. And here, in the shower, with the hot water rolling and trickling down her skin, it was like drinking her in. When I reached her jaw I sucked on it lightly and then kissed my way over to her lips, making slow circles around her clit the entire time. She turned her head and kissed me back, slowly, but passionately.

I took her passionate response as my cue to take things a bit further, and replaced my finger with my thumb, before dipping it downward to tease her at her entrance. She gasped and arched her back a bit while winding both of her hands up into my hair.

"Jake," she moaned quietly as I swirled and rubbed slowly with my fingers.

I stifled a moan of my own as I took a second to process everything that was happening. Me, holding her hot, beautiful form against mine, pleasing her, the water cascading over and dripping down our bodies in warm streams... _shit_... the way she moved with me, the way she responded to me... this was by far the hottest and most erotic thing I'd ever done to her, for her, with her.

I continued working her until she was literally rocking against my hand, looking for friction. And then slowly, so slowly it was almost torturous for _me, _I slid my finger inside her tight, wet heat. She tensed from her head to her toes the second it was all the way in. I sucked in a deep breath and then breathed out a long, whispered 'I love you' as I felt her instantly flutter around me and come...

So beautiful... so fucking beautiful... watching her unravel like that... for me... there was nothing better. Nothing better...

I felt her relax after half a minute or so. Her arms drooped and went slack at her sides as her head lolled over to rest on my shoulder. I smiled against her cheek and withdrew my finger, just as slowly as I had slid it in, before repeating my motions again and adding a second one. She sighed with pleasure and moaned lightly under her breath as I worked her slowly, gently and kissed a path up and down her shoulder.

After a minute or so, I felt her small hand make its way behind her back, sliding between us. Before I could do anything to stop it, she was gliding her fingers gently down my length. I clenched my jaw tightly, closed my eyes, and groaned in sheer pleasure at the soft whisper of heat left in the wake of her gentle touch... and then I pulled back and away from her hand.

"No... just let me do this for you, Ness. I just want to make you feel good," I whispered in her ear before capturing her lobe between my lips and sucking gently.

"But, Jake..." she protested, and then gasped as I slid my fingers into her with a little more force than I had been using before, and curled them just a bit, to graze the spot that I knew would drive her wild and make her forget about anything besides her own pleasure for a while.

"No. Just _feel_ me, baby. Feel what I'm doing for you... and that's it. Nothing else matters..."

I smirked at her second gasp of pleasure as I pulled and teased the nipple of the breast I had been kneading, while pumping into her and grazing that spot once again.

"Oooooohhhh, _God..._" she moaned. It was a low, breathy and just fucking gorgeous sound... it was like music to my ears.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I mumbled quietly against the skin of her neck. "How much I love making you feel good...? I live for it, Ness. I live for you... I adore you," I kissed her gently and took a step forward, bringing my body flush against hers, wanting to be as close to her as possible. I wanted her to feel the heat I knew she felt when we touched... the same heat I felt. I wanted her to be surrounded by it, consumed by it...

She sighed and rocked her hips slowly, back and forth, rolling a bit, working with me. I laid my head on her shoulder and watched her face as I worked. Her eyes were closed and her head was thrown back, resting on my shoulder. Her full lips were slightly parted, just the right amount to let her release every breathy moan, sigh and pant she needed to as I pleased her. I closed my eyes briefly and focused on the sound of her voice and the feel of her in my hands. She was so soft and warm. I kneaded her full breasts in my hand, alternating between them, loving the feel of them, the weight of them in my palm.

With every breathy moan and sigh I was brought back to memories of our last week together before she was taken... memories of being with her like this... and of being inside her. I missed it... _God_ how I missed having her soft body under mine, thighs parted, being inside her, sliding in and out of her soft, slick, tight heat, as she rolled her hips and wound her legs around my back, or over my shoulders, or planted them on the bed beneath us as she pushed and thrust back against me, moaning, whimpering, sighing my name... like she did just now.

"_Jake,"_ she sighed so lightly it was almost inaudible, but filled with desire, love and want.

I felt her begin to quiver inside and groaned into her skin as I suddenly lost my resolve. I couldn't resist her, ever... and especially not like this. I felt my hips begin to move against her involuntarily. I couldn't help it, and at this point, I didn't want to. I wanted to feel her against my skin, feel her body pressed up against mine as she panted and whimpered at my touch.

"God, you're amazing," I whispered as I felt her hips move with mine. Her hips, my hips and my hand moved together, like one entity, rolling, dipping, rising... I felt her body pressing against mine with my hot, hard length wedged firmly between us. With the heat and water trapped between our bodies, I could almost imagine that I was inside her. I was surrounded by her warmth and the wet friction was driving me _insane_...

"I love you," I mumbled into her neck as I felt myself climb with her.

I felt her hands snake their way back up into my hair. She pulled my head down, bringing my mouth to hers and began writhing against me in earnest. We moaned loudly into each other's mouths as our tongues swirled and danced together.

"I missed you," she breathed, "I need you... _ahhh_."

Her words melted me. She was not the type to admit to needing anyone or anything. To hear her say that was like a gift - the best gift.

I showed my appreciation for her praise by thrusting my fingers up firmly and slowly swirling them around in a circle, touching ever millimetre of her warm, wet, heated and sensitive flesh inside.

"Ah, Jake!"

She panted and pushed back against me, as her body creating just the right amount of pressure and friction against my aching length. She quivered inside, pulsed and then clamped down on me – _hard_, as her back arched and her hot and wet body slammed back into mine.

"_Shit, baby," _I gasped. Her movements wedged my throbbing length firmly between us, leaving nothing but warm, wet and fucking fantastic pressure. I grunted out a moan, pumped my hips twice against her shuddering hot and wet frame, and then gave in to the wave of pleasure that rocked through me.

We both came long and hard, gasping and panting together.

We stayed like that until I literally felt her entire body relax and melt against me. I steadied my breathing as I slowly pulled my hand from her. I placed my hands on her hips and slowly spun her around to face me, allowing the spray to clean off the mess I'd made of her back, and me to see her face.

I couldn't help but smile down at her. She was just so damn beautiful. Her eyes were closed, her face and body relaxed against my arms as I supported her and held her up, and she had the most incredible, lazy smirk playing on her lips.

I kissed her smile with mine and when I pulled back I was looking directly into her sparkling chocolate brown eyes. She leaned forward and placed a sweet and lingering kiss on my lips, without taking her eyes off of mine. It was a wordless thank you.

We worked together after that, silently washing each other's bodies and hair until we were clean. When we were done, we dressed wordlessly and quickly. We had just enough time to get ready and make it to the river to meet her family if we ran.

We walked out of the cottage and I closed the door behind us. As I turned to face her, she slipped her hand in mine and sent me a vision, of me leading us forward, her hand in mine. It was her way of letting me know she was letting me take the lead for the rest of the afternoon... and that she would follow.

She still looked nervous, but I knew she trusted me to do my best to make sure it turned out alright. I squeezed her hand in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"Just hold on to me, Ness. As long as we stick together, everything will be ok."

I smiled, kissed her forehead, and then took off in a sprint, with her by my side, towards the first of many steps we would take in joining our lives together as one.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	48. Invincible

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 48 – Invincible**

Follow through  
Make your dreams come true  
Don't give up the fight  
You will be alright  
'Cause there's no one like you in the universe

Don't be afraid  
What your mind conceives  
You should make a stand  
Stand up for what you believe  
And tonight  
We can truly say  
Together we're invincible

During the struggle they will pull us down  
But please, please  
Let's use this chance to turn things around  
And tonight  
We can truly say  
Together we're invincible

Do it on your own  
It makes no difference to me  
What you leave behind  
What you choose to be  
And whatever they say  
Your souls unbreakable

During the struggle  
They will pull us down  
But please, please  
Let's use this chance  
To turn things around  
And tonight  
We can truly say  
Together we're invincible  
Together we're invincible

During the struggle  
They will pull us down  
Please, please  
Let's use this chance  
To turn things around  
And tonight  
We can truly say  
Together we're invincible  
Together we're invincible

**RPOV**

Emotions of every sort seemed to hang thickly in the air when we reached my family at the edge of the river. My mother, hopeful and concerned as ever, greeted both Jake and I with a hug, while my father stood quietly by her side. He greeted both of us with a quiet hello and leaned forward to brush a feather of a kiss on my forehead right at my hairline. It was a sweet and familiar gesture, which reminded me of my childhood. I received many of those feathered kisses growing up, but it had been quite some time since the last one. The tiny gesture tugged at my heart. For him to greet me like that, today of all days... the first day he was taking an official step toward letting me go, made me feel nostalgic for my brief but wonderful childhood. It made me want to stand on his toes and dance with him – just one more time.

I heard his breath catch slightly as the thought flew through my head. It must have been a bittersweet thought for him to process. I loved him dearly, but I wasn't that little girl anymore.

"Daddy," I whispered softly, looking up just in time to see the corner of his mouth twitch upward into a sad smile.

_I love you, _I thought as I looked into the light-golden eyes of the first man I had ever loved.

He nodded and swallowed thickly with emotion.

_And you still owe me one more dance..._

With that thought I allowed myself to imagine where we'd be in five days time; dancing on the hardwood floor of the Cullen family home, in the arms of my father, in heels instead of on his toes, wearing a white dress and bearing a new name.

He smiled tightly, his eyes full of conflicting emotions, and nodded at me once again.

I felt Jake squeeze my hand and turned to face him. He was looking down at me with concern, obviously wondering what was being said between my father and I that had gotten him so worked up. I squeezed back, and pressed my palm to his, to allow me to speak privately to him in my own way.

_I'm ok, Jake. We're just thinking about Saturday._

He hummed under his breath and nodded, as he glanced back toward my dad. He was feeling very protective of me today, and I could tell by the way that he was looking at my father that he was saying something to him, something that made my father frown a bit and then nod somewhat reluctantly.

I would have questioned him about it, if Aunt Alice hadn't chosen that moment to scoff in irritation.

I leaned backward, concerned about her irritation, peering at her from behind Jake's back and questioned her with my eyes. I knew she had a hard time doing things that involved me and Jake because she couldn't _see_ properly. Days like today were always frustrating for her. Between the meeting today, and planning a wedding on such short notice where her visions were useless, I realized that Aunt Alice was probably feeling pretty high strung. I felt guilty almost immediately. I should have thought about how all of this would affect her. Uncle Jasper nudged her firmly and gave her a pointed look before glancing at me meaningfully.

"It's nothing to worry about, Nessie," she said quickly, as she caught my concerned gaze. "Olivia's going to need her dress let out a bit, and I just saw that the local seamstress is going to give me grief over getting it done on time for Saturday." She rolled her eyes and then pursed her lips in concentration. "I should probably just take them all to Port Angeles to get done," she mused. I saw her eyes glaze over slightly at the thought, and two seconds later she was smiling.

"Ah, see. Problem solved!" she chirped.

I chuckled under my breath as I saw her shoulders visibly relax. Aunt Alice and I met with all of the girls that I had asked to be my bridesmaids last night, while Jake was getting together with Sam and the Elders to arrange the meeting about the treaty. The girls had picked their own dress design, with Aunt Alice's help. My only request was that they be blue. I wanted everything at the wedding to be icy and blue. The cool blue reminded me of the sky in Alaska, especially the day Jake and I spent in that beautiful ice-covered cave. The icy sparkles reminded me of the clean, crisp snow and ice of Vermont, where we spent the week after New Year's Eve, holed up in a private cabin together, bonding like only true mates can. Those were the happiest memories we had together and I wanted the wedding to reflect that. I didn't have specific ideas about everything, I just told Aunt Alice that I wanted everything to be white and blue, and I wanted it to sparkle like ice in sunlight. And in typical male fashion, Jake didn't have any preference about anything as far as attire or decor went. He just asked us to let him know what to wear and when to be there.

The girls had chosen a strapless, floor length satin gown, in a beautiful cobalt blue, with crystal embellishments at the waist. Aunt Alice placed a call late last night to order them and managed to ensure that the dresses would arrive on Thursday. Apparently Olivia's size-two dress would need a little adjusting to accommodate her new baby bump. It was barely there, but on a frame as tiny as hers, it was noticeable.

I could hardly believe it when I saw her last night. At three and a half months pregnant she was already glowing. Her usually pale and flawless skin was lightly flushed and luminous. Her eyes didn't have dark circles under them anymore. She told me that the morning sickness had stopped a few weeks ago, and everything since then had been great. Her slender form had taken on a slightly different shape over the last few weeks. Her chest was a bit larger, filling out like it should, and just under her tiny waist, her usually flat belly had rounded, just slightly. She was smiling and happy and it was just amazing to see. I had seen so much pain and suffering during my time _there_... all of it concerning pregnancy for the sake of _breeding_. It was a refreshing change to see Olivia, growing and healthy, and most of all – happy, and having a baby out of love.

I felt another squeeze of my hand and looked up to see Jake smiling lightly at me. I realized quickly that we were alone, and that I hadn't noticed my family's departure.

"Hey," Jake said looking down at me in concern, "are you alright?"

I nodded slowly and then shook my head a bit, trying to clear it of my daydreams and focus on the afternoon ahead of us. He stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around me, keeping my hand in his so that it was behind my back. I brought the other one up to his chest. I took a couple of seconds to admire the feel of him, hot, warm and hard under the soft cotton of his shirt. It was small moments like these that I missed most while I was gone. Him holding me, wrapped up in the steel fortress of his arms, my hand in his, our heat and connection buzzing all around us, making me feel warm, safe and loved.

"I missed that too," he mumbled and then frowned lightly at me. "Where'd you go just now? You seem really distracted today. Are you sure you're ok to do this?"

I sighed. He was right. I was stuck in my head, thinking about anything and everything. It seemed like there were a million changes going on all at once, and everything was happening so quickly that my mind was just doing its best to keep up.

_I'm sorry, Jake. I'm fine – really. I'm just sort of stuck in my head today. I'm thinking a lot about everything that's going on... but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I just_... _I don't know._

I paused and let my eyes wander away from his gaze, down over his cheeks, to his full lips and strong jaw, and over his broad shoulders to his chest. I took a moment to enjoy the sight of him in his fitted shirt. It was cobalt blue, the same colour as the dresses for the girls on Saturday and coincidently one of my favourite colours on him.

I sighed thinking that blue was absolutely the right choice for our colour scheme, but that it was just too bad that Jake would be wearing all black and white instead of having a blue vest like his ushers would. He looked so good in that dark greyish blue, I loved it next to his tanned skin. Then again, I loved him in black too –

I heard his throat clear and felt his small chuckle vibrate through his chest before it even made a sound.

"I could just skip the suit altogether. You know, save you trouble of trying to figure out what goes best with my skin by not covering it up." He raised his eyebrows at me twice, smirked and leered a bit until I chuckled with him.

After our laughter subsided he looked down at me again, the concern returning and spoke quietly, but seriously.

"Not that I'm not flattered, because I am, but... you're doing it again. You're all over the place, baby."

He brushed a lock of hair behind my ears and then sighed.

"We don't have to do this today. It's ok, you know, Ness. No one would be upset if you wanted to cancel and move it to another day instead."

I shook my head at him.

_No, I want to do this today. I'm not upset, Jake, and nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking about everything. So much has happened, and there's so much going on. It's just – a lot. And I know this might sound strange, because I have so much to think about already, but I don't want to forget to take some time to enjoy all the little things... like dancing with my dad at the wedding and happy friends like Olivia and Seth _– Itipped up on my toes to give him a light kiss on his lips before continuing – _and_ _handsome men, with strong arms in tight blue shirts._ I smiled a half-smile and looked up to find that he was playfully frowning at me in disappointment.

"Men?" he asked and cast a quick glance around us, feigning jealousy at the hint of competition.

I chuckled under my breath and shook my head.

"Ok, not _men,_" I replied pointedly. "_A_ man. _The_ man. _My _man."

He smirked and leaned in for a kiss. I sighed as his warm vanilla flavoured tongue slowly caressed mine, and took the time to enjoy that moment too; enjoying the warmth of him wrapped around me, the heat that ignited and burned in my blood and bones wherever we touched. Just me... kissing my beautiful man.

"Damn right," he mumbled into my lips as he pulled away to rest his forehead on mine.

We took a minute to cool off and slow our breathing, collecting ourselves after the fiery passion that always erupted when we kissed.

"You sure you're ready?" he asked one last time.

I nodded against his forehead and promised myself that I would try to stay focused and in the moment this afternoon. The last thing I wanted was to distract Jake when he had so much else to worry about.

"Don't worry about me. My main priority is _you._ I'll be fine." He squeezed my hand as a subtle reminder of his promise to take care of me this afternoon, and my agreement to let it happen.

I squeezed back in a silent thank you. I didn't want to be _that_ girl... the needy one, the one who couldn't take care of herself. But that wasn't what this was about. I _could_ take care of myself. I _had_ been taking care of myself; while I was _there_ I had no other choice. And now that I did have a choice, I was grateful for it. I trusted Jake to make sure that everything went smoothly this afternoon because, if I was being honest with myself, I was tired of dealing with conflict. This was supposed to be a peaceful meeting, but everyone going into it knew that there was potential for something to go wrong – and I just didn't want to deal with it. I wanted to go forward, to move on with my life, to be with Jake and just live and be – happy. _That's_ what Jake was trying to give me by taking responsibility for everything this afternoon. He was giving me happiness and peace without having to deal with conflict, and I loved him even more than I ever had for it. It was exactly what I needed.

"Just don't let go," I whispered and squeezed his hand again. "I want us to do this together, even if you are the one taking the lead... I want to be there to back you up. People should know that we're in this together."

He smiled his million mega-watt smile and squeezed my hand firmly in his. "You've got yourself a deal."

When we reached the beach it was clear that everyone had been waiting for us to arrive before they got things under way. We walked hand and hand onto the sand to find that everyone was situated around a large bonfire that had been set up in the middle to keep the few human members of today's meeting warm. On our right, next to Jake, was my family, standing and chatting casually to each other. And on our left, next to me, were the remaining Elders, Old Quil and Sue Swan, my Grandpa Charlie's wife. Next to them were a few of the wolves from both Jake and Sam's packs.

I stiffened a bit when I saw who Sam had chosen to escort him to the meeting. There, standing in the sand beside Old Quil and Sue, were both Jared and Paul. Neither of them looked happy to be there, yet both of them looked like they had something to say. My thoughts immediately went to Kaya, Jared's younger sister. She wasn't any better than when she was returned home over two months ago. When I met with her, my presence hadn't helped, as everyone had hoped it would. The only thing it managed to do was help her conjure up an image of a sterile surgical room with green tiled walls; the same room I had woken up in on my last day in captivity. Other than knowing that we had both been brought to that room, for reasons no one knew about, there was no other connection. Kaya was still unable to talk, and was now spending her days in the psychiatric ward at Fork's Community Hospital. She was practically catatonic most of the time. She walked and ate and slept, but didn't speak or do anything remotely productive. She just sat, with her big brown eyes staring off into space, expression vacant and looking at nothing. I felt awful when I saw her. It was like she wasn't even there anymore, like her body was just an empty shell, left to perform its basic functions, but not really _alive._ I couldn't help but feel guilty for what had happened to her... and at the same time, feel relieved that I wasn't the same way. I was sure that I would have been, had I not had perfect recall of years of good memories, with my family and with Jake, to keep me from going insane in that dark place.

I was brought out of my daydream when I heard the soft and steady rumble of a growl from Jake, on my right.

I glanced over at him to find him staring in the same direction I had just been looking, but not at Jared. He was looking straight at Paul. And Paul – was looking at me. Not looking, actually. It was more like glaring – frostily.

I swallowed thickly and shivered a bit under his icy glare. I had spoken with Rachel the night before when I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She apologized and said that she had spoken to Jake and didn't blame me for what had happened with her dad. She said that Paul was being a stubborn ass and would come around with time, but judging by the cold expression on his face, it looked like Rachel was mistaken about him coming around at all.

Sam must have noticed the reason for Jake's soft growl at the same time that I did because the next thing I heard was his low, but firmly timbered alpha male voice uttering a one word admonishment and warning.

"_Paul_."

Paul tore his frosty gaze from mine and looked over at Sam. After a sort of private conversation with their eyes Paul grimaced and folded his arms over his chest letting his irritated gaze fall and stay on the fire.

Jake quieted as soon as Paul was effectively called off of glaring at me, and turned to face Carlisle who was standing a bit behind us getting an update from Seth about Olivia. I turned with him and smiled when I saw Leah standing behind Seth, glaring at Paul's stiff form. She turned to look at me and lifted her lips in a half-smile of a greeting before sauntering forward slowly in the sand to stand next to Jared, and directly behind Paul. She planted her feet and crossed her arms over her chest without a word, staring right at the back of Paul's head the entire time.

I thought her stance was a bit strange, until I glanced up at Jake to see him catch Leah's eye and nod his approval at her ever-so-slightly. I was instantly worried that Jake was expecting something more than just icy glares of disapproval from Paul. It was obvious to me that Jake had planned to have Leah physically near Paul, keeping an eye on him, for a reason. I had experienced Paul's temper firsthand, and didn't even want to begin to imagine what would happen if he somehow managed to turn this peaceful meeting into a fight.

Jake squeezed my hand lightly and bent down to whisper in my ear. His voice was low and gravelly, and I could tell that he was just barely restraining the growl underneath his somewhat calm veneer.

"It's just a precaution. Paul's been a bit of a live wire lately. I asked Sam to keep him out of this today, but Old Quil insisted on him being here, so I agreed, on the condition that one of my pack would keep an eye on him to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid."

I nodded and swallowed thickly, worried about what Paul could do that Jake would qualify as 'stupid' enough to earn Leah as warden for this afternoon. I didn't have much time to worry about it though, because Grandpa Carlisle chose that moment to start the meeting.

He had moved from his position behind us and was now standing with the rest of my family, to our right, between my grandmother and my parents. His facial expression and posture didn't reflect an ounce of the tension I had been feeling about what was happening on the Quileute side of the fire. He looked completely relaxed and happy to be at the meeting that would hopefully ally my old family and my new one from this point forward.

"Well, it looks like we're all here. I want to begin by speaking on behalf of my family and thanking everyone for their presence here today. I know I speak for the entire Cullen family when I say that we are happy and excited to take this step toward a friendly alliance, and to welcome Jacob into our family on Saturday."

I smiled at my grandfather's sincere and kind words. My family's treaty with the wolves had always been a bitter-sweet arrangement for him, because the underlying tone of the treaty was one of distrust. It was an agreement not to kill each other – until someone made a mistake. I knew how much the underlying implications of the 'inevitable mistakes' bothered him.

It was Jake's deep and sure voice that we heard speak next.

"Thank you," he said quietly, glancing at my grandfather, before turning to face the group as a whole. As he spoke, I could hear the strong and steady timbre, the alpha and the leader, in his tone. He carried it in his posture too, standing proudly with his shoulders back, legs relaxed – comfortable in his rightful position as chief and leader of his pack.

I felt warm and tingly from the inside out with pride and love for him, and had never been more proud to be the woman standing at his side than at that moment, when he took the reins and led the meeting that would be the foundation for our future and the future relationships of everyone else there that day.

"So, we're here today because, as Carlisle mentioned, on Saturday I will be lucky enough to make this beautiful woman beside me my wife." He paused, squeezed my hand and tossed me a quick wink out of his left eye before continuing. I could heard Brady and Nathan, two of the wolves who hadn't imprinted, in the back coughing out not-so-subtle jokes about Jake being 'pussy whipped' – Brady's words, not mine. Jake rolled his eyes lightly and cast them a not-so-threatening glare, while most of the vampires and werewolves in attendance chuckled in amusement, and some in agreement.

"While the old agreement was created to prevent the Cullen's from hunting on our land, we now know them well enough to know that their hunting habits won't be a problem. So, in light of the fact that our people now have a mutual reason to protect each other, because of Nessie and I joining each other's families, Carlisle and I have come up with a few changes that we think will work for both sides involved. This new agreement is being made under the agreement that both sidestrust each other enough to believe that 'mistakes' won't happen and that either side would protect the other the same as they would their own."

It was mere fractions of a second after Jake finished talking that the voice of an angry wolf rang out loud and clear over the whole party.

"_Trust? _Are you kidding me with this shit, Jake?"

Paul wasn't wasting any time. His behaviour and attitude made it clear to everyone that he was not interested in a peaceful alliance and was here to say his piece about it. Sam must have agreed to allow it because he did nothing to quiet Paul this time. I also noticed Old Quil looking on with interest as Paul challenged Jake about the mutual trust and respect that our new agreement was supposed to be based on.

In an instant Jake's demeanour went from calm and assertive, to angry and threatening.

"Yes," Jake practically hissed at Paul as Leah narrowed her eyes at the back of his head, "trust."

Paul scoffed and sneered lightly at the fire before turning his hot and hard gaze toward Jake.

"Listen, man, I know you love her," Paul said somewhat dismissively, as if he knew the facts, but couldn't care less about them, "but that doesn't excuse anything that's happened with the _other_ leeches around here over the past six months. Being friendly with vampires is a huge risk, Jake. Or are you just too wrapped up in your _woman _to see it?"

Paul's stare was hard and petulant, as he spat his words out at Jake's very still, tensed and now gently vibrating form.

Jake slowly shook his head and regarded his brother-in-law in disbelief and mild disgust as he spoke.

"What exactly are you talking about, Paul? What have the _Cullen's_ done to hurt anyone around here?" Jake asked pointedly.

Paul scoffed again, louder this time, and tilted his head to the side in mock amusement at Jake's question. I felt Jake's hackles rise and the gentle vibrations in his arm increase just slightly at Paul's tone and blatantly disrespectful attitude.

"Innocent people have been hurt because of our relationship with them. You know it, they know it, and we know it, Jake. Hell, one of their so-called vegetarian friends almost had Seth's wife and unborn child for a snack just last week!"

Paul was pompous and haughty in his declarations. He reminded me of a petulant teenager.

My grandfather cleared his throat at the accusation and addressed Paul directly before Jake could respond.

"Garrett's reaction to Olivia's scent was... _unfortunate_ for everyone involved. But we _did _not and _would_ not allow anything to happen to her, or anyone else for that matter. He was in control of himself, and was removed from the situation as a precautionary measure. He has also voluntarily offered to stay away from the area, so as not to present a risk to her again," my grandfather explained seriously.

Surprisingly Seth piped up, speaking quietly and seriously to Paul, even though his friend was anything but receptive. "He wouldn't have hurt her. His instincts were tested and he resisted; which is more than I can say for you and your quick tempered inner wolf. Lighten up, man."

I gaped slightly at Seth's open defence of Garrett - who had, after all, been tempted to harm Seth's wife and baby. I was also mildly shocked at Seth's insult. By all rights he should have been upset with Garrett and siding with Paul.

"Look, even their leader can acknowledge that there's a risk Jake – why can't you?" Paul questioned pointedly, completely ignoring my grandfather's apology and Seth's comment.

"The agreement should stand as it is. Have you forgotten about Kaya?" He looked pointedly over at Jared, whose jaw was set and was frowning deeply at the mention of his traumatized sister. "Or your own _dad_?"

Jake snarled at Paul menacingly at the mention of his father. I could tell by the way that he was taking deliberate and measured breaths that he was trying very hard to stay calm.

"Nessie's not a threat anymore," Paul continued, "we all know that she won't hurt anyone after what she went through. And we know what she means to _you_ – so yeah, she's gonna be around whether we want her to be or not. But the rest of them... they're bloodsuckers, Jake. People stay away from them for a reason. And we should too."

I blanched a bit at Paul's implication that I _was_ seen as a threat. I wondered if I had been seen that way by the people of La Push the whole time. Had people just been humouring me, and treating me well all of these years because of what I meant to Jake? I tried hard to swallow against the lump of hurt that had balled up in my throat and frowned at Paul as I considered it.

Jake took three very deep, very measured breaths before speaking slowly and carefully. If I had thought Paul was acting like an overgrown child, then Jake was like the parent scolding him for an inappropriate tantrum.

"First of all, you do not have the right say _anything_ about my dad. I left him here thinking that he would be safe. Thinking that people like you – _his_ _son-in-law_ – would be looking after him. He _sacrificed himself_ to protect all of us, including you, from a psychotic lunatic, and yeah, that lunatic was a vampire, but he had nothing to do with Nessie's family and you know it."

He took a deep breath and blew it out while staring straight into Paul's eyes with a level of hatred and disgust I had only ever seen a few times. It was the same look he got in his eye every time someone tried to hurt me. It was wild and feral and dominating and controlled all at the same time.

I shivered slightly with fear. Jake was dangerously close to losing it with Paul. I glanced back over at my family to find all of the men and Aunt Rosalie glaring at Paul in disgust and the rest of the women literally scolding him with their eyes. My father was gritting his teeth and flexing his jaw, while my grandfather had a hand on his shoulder, obviously speaking to him through his mind.

I didn't want this. I could feel a confrontation brewing and Paul was provoking Jake and my family to make it happen. Paul was being rude and childish, but he didn't speak for everyone there. Although Sam and the Elders kept their poker faces throughout the rant the rest of the wolves looked just as upset with him as my family was, and Leah looked like she was ready to rip his head off. Only Jared seemed to side with him... but still, this was supposed to be about peace. Jared and Paul didn't have to like what was going on, but they did have to accept it. I just hoped that it didn't have to come down to a fight to get them to understand that.

_Jake, _I said quietly but fervently to him in my thoughts, _don't fight with him. Please. _

His jaw tensed for a moment as he considered my plea and then he nodded just slightly in confirmation, without tearing his eyes from Paul's.

"And you had better listen to what I have to say now, _brother._" He spat the familiar term at Paul like a curse word and stepped forward so that there was less than a foot between them. True to his word, he held my hand in a vice grip, so I stepped with him, but ended up behind him slightly as he pulled our hands behind his back, as if protecting me from a perceived threat.

"Don't just hear me... _listen_ to what I have to say, or you will live to regret it." His voice was hard as nails, his glare as fiery as the depths of hell, and his posture so rigid and full that he looked positively menacing.

"My _woman, loved_ my father like he was her own; which is more than I can say for you, as his son-in-law. And when she found out that she might have been able to help Kaya, she _risked her life_ to come home and do it." His steely glaze flickered over to Jared for a second, who looked at the ground, somewhat abashed, and then back to Paul.

"And if you _ever_ disrespect her again, I will personally see to it that you _never_ set foot on _our_ land again. And I mean o_ur _land, as in _hers and mine_ Paul. As of Saturday, everything that's mine will be hers too. She has done nothing but love, protect and respect everyone here. She has just as much right to be here as you or I do. No, she is _not_ a threat. She has _never been_ a threat. She has never hurt _anyone_; so you will watch your fucking mouth and remember that before you say _one more word_ that will hurt her, or so help me God, I _will_ hurt you."

I watched in disbelief as Paul's jaw hardened, and instead of looking ashamed, he looked affronted, like Jake had offended him by defending me. He snorted lightly under his breath and then spat his retort, full of anger and hatred, right back into Jake's face.

"Is that what I was supposed to tell your sister if she had succeeded in bleeding _you _dry a month ago, Jake?"

I gasped and recoiled as if I had been slapped. I had a sickly feeling in my stomach, just thinking about what he said, and how close it almost came to being true. In the back of my mind I heard several shocked gasps and loud growls as well as Sam's voice calling Paul off and telling him he had gone too far.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl around me as I took in what happened next. Leah darted around Paul and Jake, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the way. I looked up just in time to see Jake, furious and vibrating wildly, lunge at Paul with feral growl and a right hook that landed on his face with a loud and resounding smack and crunch. I saw Paul's jaw shift awkwardly and unnaturally to the side, and realized that Jake had broken it, and probably a few other bones in his face as well. Paul collapsed to the ground in a heap with a loud grunt.

I waited anxiously for either one of them to phase, and the ugly fight that I had been dreading to happen. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest, and my breathing was quick and a bit erratic. I could hear Leah at my side, alternating between quietly cursing Paul out and whispering words of comfort to me.

My father and Uncle Jasper were literally being held back by my grandfather and Uncle Emmett, and to my surprise, my mother was being restrained by both my Aunt Alice and my grandmother. Aunt Rosalie was the only one not restrained or restraining, but when I caught her deadly and murderous gaze in Paul's direction I knew why no one was getting any closer to her.

If Paul so much as looked the wrong way at that moment, he would be a dead man – several times over.

But the dreaded confrontation never came to fruition. Jake promised me that he would be peaceful, and solve this without confrontation. He might not have been able to stop Paul from confronting him, but he was able to end it, just as quickly as it had started.

I watched, shocked, as I saw Paul's body jerk and lift itself up off of the ground, seemingly against his own will. He moved as though he was being pulled and yanked by someone else and resisting the whole way, but there was no one near him – except for Jake who towered over him, still shaking wildly.

"Get out," Jake seethed through his teeth. "Get the fuck off of my land, and don't even _think_ about coming back again."

I watched incredulously as Paul's body staggered back a few steps without his permission again, and then abruptly realized what was happening. It was the alpha command. Jake was making him leave, whether he wanted to or not. Paul was not a member of Jake's pack, but as the true alpha, the born leader of _all_ of the wolves, his command was working, even on Paul.

I heard Paul desperately trying to mumble something, through his broken jaw. It was beginning to heal at an awkward angle, which made it very difficult to understand what he was trying to say. But after a few attempts, and about eight more forced steps backwards, it was clear enough for us to understand that he was desperately saying 'Rachel.' Of course, he couldn't leave without his imprint and wife...

"My sister and the kids can stay if they want to, I don't care. I'll let her decide how much she wants to do with you after hearing how you spoke about her future _sister_.

"_Just get off of my fucking land – __**now.**__" _

And with that Paul's feet began to run, pulling the rest of his body with them through the trees and likely all the way to the boundary line.

The entire party had fallen silent as Jake took several quick and deep breaths, slowed his intense shaking to milder vibrations and then turned his blackened, fury-filled gaze on the rest of Quileute members present.

"Anyone who agrees with _any part_ of what he said is going with him. Do I make myself clear?" he seethed through his clenched jaw.

Vampires, humans and werewolves alike stood still; watching, waiting. All eyes were on Jared, but no one made a sound. Jared stayed still, looking at the sand, not moving a muscle.

After a minute or so of strained silence it was obvious that Jared wasn't going to be backing Paul up. Jake relaxed and slowly made his way over to me, his jaw flexing and contracting the entire way. When he finally reached me, he took my hands in his and closed his eyes. He sighed loudly and squeezed our palms together. I opened my mind to him and waited for him to say something.

_Can you hear me?_

I nodded and thought back a whispered 'yes'.

_Are you ok?_

I whispered a second 'yes' and asked him the same question.

_No, I'm not. _

He opened his eyes and looked straight down into mine, sadly.

_I broke my promise to you, and I'm sorry about that. But I'm not sorry that I hit him, and I'm not sorry that I made him leave. He can't say shit like that about you – no one can. It's not true, and I couldn't let him get away with talking like that, Ness. I could __**kill**__ him for saying that... I __**want**__ to. If he wasn't married to my sister... _

He growled and took another deep breath before continuing. _He might have been my brother for all intents and purposes, but he is nothing to me now. I could care less if he rots in hell after what he said about you. I know I should be sorry about that, but I'm not._

_Jake, _I replied, _it's ok. You don't have to be sorry. He provoked you. It wasn't your fault._

He sighed again and pulled me in for a tight hug. I relaxed against him, and breathed in his comforting scent. I focused on our warmth and willed it with all my heart to surround and calm him down. I ran my hands in soothing circles, up and down his back, as he buried his face in my hair and breathed me in.

After a minute or so I heard my grandfather and Sam discussing some of the new points in the treaty. Jake pulled away from shortly after that and I was relieved to see that he looked calm again.

"Let's finish this," he said quietly and wandered over to the place where Sam and my grandfather were talking. The next two hours were filled with discussions about getting rid of boundary lines, what to do if there was another case of 'temptation' like there was with Uncle Garrett and Olivia and plans for dealing with nomads and the ever-present possibility of a visit from the Volturi.

Once all of the discussions were done, everyone was in a much better mood, and Paul was all but forgotten – except by Jake. He kept my hand the whole night and every once in a while would turn to me with an aching apology in his eyes for Paul's stupid remarks. I vowed to myself that the next time that we were alone, I would assure him that I was ok, and that although Paul had tried to drag us down, he had not succeeded. The night had turned around for the better, and in the end, despite Paul's resistance, our families were learning to live together in peace.

We were finally moving forward, standing up together for what we knew was right, claiming our chance to be together. And after the meeting tonight I had a renewed sense of confidence. We could do it. We could be together and love each other against all odds. Because our love was bigger than all of that – it was, in a word, _invincible_.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	49. Better Days

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 49 – Better Days**

I feel part of the universe open up to meet me  
My emotion so submerged, broken down to kneel in  
Once listening, the voices they came  
Had to somehow greet myself, read myself  
Heard vibrations within my cells, in my cells  
Singing, "Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-la-ah-ah"

My love is safe for the universe  
See me now, I'm bursting  
On one planet, so many turns  
Different worlds  
Singing, "Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ah"

(Spanish guitar solo)

Fill my heart with discipline  
Put there for the teaching  
In my head see clouds of stairs  
Help me as I'm reaching  
The future's paved with better days

Not running from something  
I'm running towards the day  
Wide awake

A whisper once quiet  
Now rising to a scream  
Right in me

I'm falling, free falling  
Words calling me  
Up off my knees

I'm soaring and, darling,  
You'll be the one that I can need  
Still be free

_Better Days ~ Eddie Vedder_

**JPOV**

I felt small, warm hands tug lightly on mine, urging me forward toward what sounded like the river in the near distance. Our pace was quick, but not hurried. Snow crunched under both of our heels as we trekked through the trees, weaving around bare, frozen trunks and branches. Nessie was leading me somewhere, but I didn't have a clue where we were going or what we were doing. She had blindfolded me and wouldn't say a word about anything... just that she had a surprise for me. It didn't bother me, though. I loved surprises, and the fact that Nessie had planned this one for me made the anticipation for the reveal even better than it usually was. I knew I would love whatever she had planned.

It was just before noon on the Thursday before our wedding, and she had a surprise date planned for us. Our bachelor and bachelorette parties were planned for later that night, and the rehearsal party for the next day. I had no clue what we were doing today, just that she had planned a quiet day for us to spend together, and that was more than fine with me.

We'd both been so busy this week; her with rushed wedding plans and me with treaty arrangements and a rather big surprise of my own for her, that we barely had time to speak to each other since our dinner Sunday night after the treaty meeting. Even then we didn't talk much... or at least I didn't. I was, and still am, infuriated with Paul. Nessie spent most of the night after the meeting speaking softly about how proud she was of the way I handled myself, and how no matter what Paul said or did he couldn't and wouldn't come between us. I just nodded and agreed with her, because I knew that Paul couldn't do anything to come between us – no one could. But he _had_ said things that hurt Nessie, and that was _not_ ok with me. And even though she said she was proud of the way I handled myself, I had to say that I wasn't. He deserved a lot worse than a broken jaw and being tossed off the reservation after what he said about her. If I hadn't promised Nessie to settle things without a fight that night, he wouldn't have been able to walk out of there on his own. He would have needed someone to _carry_ his sorry ass off the reservation... and into the nearest medical facility.

We hadn't heard or seen from him since, but I knew he had to be miserable right now, because my sister Rachel refused to leave with him. She didn't agree with what he was doing, even though he argued that he was trying to protect me, and everyone else she knew, for her sake. I really had to hand it to my sister. She said she would do whatever it took to support me and Nessie, and that was exactly what she had done. I knew that having him gone couldn't have been easy for her with the kids – and yeah, Paul was good to her, so she really did love the guy – but she said she couldn't support what he was doing to Nessie, and that he'd have to get over his prejudices and find a way to make it up to everyone before she took him back. Separation from our mates is one of the most painful things you can put us wolves through... and after what I had been through with Nessie, you'd think that I'd feel bad about my sister 'kicking Paul out', for all intents and purposes. But I didn't – not one fucking bit. That asshole got exactly what he deserved for going after Nessie the way he did.

I felt our pace slow a bit as we broke through the trees and the sounds of rushing water got louder. I inhaled and caught the scent of wet, snow covered grass, water and the trees behind us. We were definitely somewhere near the river bank.

I felt her hands release mine and reach up to my biceps, urging me to turn a little to the left. I smiled and did what she wanted before I felt her release me... and then walk away.

"Babe?" I asked, curious to know why she left me standing there, blindfolded.

I heard the distinct sound of a plastic sheet being laid out on the snow covered ground as she replied that she'd just be a minute, and went back to doing whatever she was doing.

I chuckled under my breath and folded my arms across my chest as I waited. She huffed a little under her breath as she worked. It sounded to me like she placed and replaced a couple of items on top of the plastic a few times before she was happy with them. She was a bit of a perfectionist sometimes – something I knew she picked up from her dad – so I guessed that whatever she planned for us today was important to her, because she usually tried to set aside her perfectionist tendencies, unless she thought it was necessary. Only really important things were worthy enough for her to fuss over, like she was now.

"Okay," she whispered quietly, coming over to stand directly in front of me. She had to reach up a bit to grab the knot at the back of my head on the fabric wrapped around my eyes, and leaned into me as she did. I smiled and placed my hands on her hips, happy to discover that she was wearing one of her fitted, soft sweaters with her jeans when I did. She told me once that the soft material was cashmere, which I normally wouldn't have cared about knowing, except for the fact that I wanted to buy her a dozen sweaters just like it, because I loved the way her warm, curvy body felt underneath that soft, fuzzy material. I just loved how _soft _it was, especially when it was fit to her like a second skin, like it was today.

"I hope you like it," she breathed as she quickly loosened the knot and let the fabric slip from eyes.

I didn't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I saw when I looked down at what she had done. I felt my jaw go slack a bit as my eyes widened. I think I even stopped breathing for a second or two, which shouldn't have been a shock, considering that my heart leapt up and was lodged in my throat.

"Jake?" she whispered.

I nodded, not taking my eyes off the scene in front of me.

"Is... this okay?"

Again I nodded, and then mentally kicked myself for not being able to do anything else to respond to her. But, she really had no idea what she had done... or maybe she had, and that's why she did it. Either way, I knew I had to say something, and soon... but what?

"You planned this... for me?" I asked after swallowing back the lump that was my heart.

"I did... for _us,_" she replied quietly, putting the emphasis in her statement on the word 'us', which made the surprise that much better. The fact that it wasn't just something special to do for me, but that it meant something to _her _too, made it even better.

No, it made it the best.

Probably the best surprise _ever_.

She grabbed my hand and led me over to the picnic blanket she had laid down over the plastic tarp. There was a basket with sandwiches, fruit, and drinks. The meal was nothing out of the ordinary, but the rest...

I sat down behind her, and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder and trying hard to get my emotions under control. I was touched, really and truly fucking touched at what she had done. And I had no idea how to thank her.

She couldn't have planned anything more perfect for us to do today.

I hugged her to me silently, and began rocking her side to side lightly, while pressing my lips into her shoulder and her neck... thanking her the only way I knew how to, at that moment. I was speechless.

After a couple of minutes she turned slowly to face me. Her warm, chocolate brown eyes swam with emotion, like she wanted and needed to do this with me, just as much as I did with her.

"I thought you'd like to have our own celebration with them, just the four of us," she said quietly, cocking her head lightly to the left – toward _them_.

And I did want that. I needed it actually. I just had no idea how much I needed it until she did it for me – for us.

"This is..." I started to say, and then stopped, unable to describe how much I loved her, _right down to her very core_, because she was the only person in the world that would be able to know what I needed, even when I didn't.

Her surprise was... _so_ amazingly thoughtful... and full of love. It was things like this that made her the perfect girl for me. When other girls would be pulling their hair out, trying to plan a wedding in a week, worrying about details like flower deliveries and dresses and music, making sure the day was perfect - _she_ was busy planning _this, _worrying about us, making sure_ we _were perfect. Because, somehow, she knew _I_ wouldn't be, without doing this.

_We were having lunch, a picnic, on the grass between where my father and mother were buried, next to the river. _

It was a bit tough for me, getting married without either of my parents. I thought I'd hid my feelings about it pretty well. I figured there was no point getting all worked up over it, because there really wasn't anything anyone could do about the fact that they weren't there to celebrate with us. I hadn't said anything, but I guess she'd caught on somehow. I had no idea how she knew what to do, but this was the perfect thing – having a casual lunch, just her, me and them. And God, I fucking loved her for thinking of it – so I told her just that.

"God, I fucking love you so much, baby. This is... perfect."

She giggled a bit and then lightly smacked the arm that was still draped around the soft green material of her sweater at her stomach.

"Jacob Black," she replied in mock mortification, "shame on you! From what your father told me, your mother would have had your hide for cussing in front of her like that."

I chuckled under my breath and nodded into her neck and shoulder, right before kissing the spot she loved behind her ear.

"Yep," I said quietly and nodded again in agreement. She was right. My mom would've yelled a blue streak at me if she ever heard me swear in front of her. She was a warm, happy and casual person – a lot like me from what I'm told – but she had her rules, and if you broke them, you knew you had to be prepared with an airtight alibi, excuse or escape route – because when she got mad she had no problem letting you know you crossed a line. And once she was through with you, you made sure _never_ to cross it again.

Nessie wiggled out of my arms and grabbed our lunch, handing me a sandwich and a bottle of water before unwrapping hers. We ate slowly, taking bites between conversations about my parents. She asked me to share my favourite memories about my mom with her, and I asked her to do the same thing with stories about my dad.

I think it took us over an hour to get through a meal that shouldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes to get eaten. It was great. I missed my parents a lot. Neither of us had had the time to come down and see my dad since his funeral. It was good to sit and talk about them, and be with them, or as close as we could be, this close to our wedding day.

After we finished eating and sharing our stories we sat back on the blanket, with her leaning against my chest, my arms around her waist and knees up alongside her hips. We just sat back and enjoyed the quiet around us and the soft sound of the water rushing along in the river beside us.

After a while Nessie shifted and turned a bit so that I could see her face. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear when it got whipped up in the wind and blew across her face, before leaning in to kiss her lips softly, in thanks for the surprise. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me.

"Baby... thank you. You don't know how much it means to me that you thought to include my parents like this," I whispered against her lips. I felt her soft lips widen in a smile before she pressed them quickly to mine in a silent 'you're welcome'.

She pulled back a bit so that we could see each other's faces. Her big brown eyes were trained on mine.

"I wonder if she'd like me," Nessie said quietly, before casting a small glance to the left, toward my mom.

I didn't have to think about that one at all. My mom was one of the nicest, most honest and sincere people I'd ever known. She'd recognize Nessie's compassion and sweet soul within seconds of meeting her and fall in love with her right away... I had no doubt about that. My dad had even comment once about how well they would have gotten along, if things had been different.

I hugged her a bit closer to me.

"She'd love you, Ness," I told her as clearly and honestly as I could. I wanted her to know that it wasn't a guess on my part. I was sure of it.

"Yeah?" she responded, and then glanced down a bit. She lifted one of her hands to play with the collar of my t-shirt and seemed to be taking a minute to process that. I cocked my head to the side, wondering why she seemed unsure of what I was telling her.

"You don't think she'd mind that I'm... what I am?" she asked.

I frowned to myself and mentally began kicking the shit out of Paul, once again. I could see the results of his actions in Nessie's eyes – doubt, doubt and more doubt – that was all he seemed to accomplish with his little tirade the other day. As if she needed any more reason to doubt herself, me or us. I sighed heavily and shook my head, clenching my jaw in frustration.

"Ness, stop, okay? I told you that she would love you, and I meant it. There is nothing, and I mean _nothing_ about you that she wouldn't like. You've gotta stop thinking like this... like there's something wrong with you."

She frowned and dipped her head down a bit further, but I wasn't having that. I wanted her to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that had either or both of my parents been around to see us get married in two days they would be ecstatic about it. I reached forward and cupped her cheek in my hand, tilting her head up so that I could see her eyes. Her expression confused me a bit. She was looking at me with a mixture of caution and guilt... and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what on earth she would need to feel guilty about, other than the fact that she should know better than to think I'd lie to her about something like my parents and how they'd feel about her. She should know I'd never do that.

"Hey," I said softly when she tried to wipe her expression clean and brush whatever was bothering her aside, "talk to me. I know something's going on inside that beautiful head of yours. Tell me about it."

She frowned and took a deep breath, as if to prepare herself, and then nodded slowly while taking my hand from her cheek and holding it in our laps. She was nervous, fiddling with my fingers a bit before she spoke.

"I... talked with Rachel a bit last night... about Paul, and why he seems to be so resistant about things with us," she murmured guiltily.

So that's what the guilt was about. She promised me that she wouldn't discuss Paul with Rachel, and Rachel promised me not to bring it up. One, or both of them had broken that promise, and as she probably had guessed, I was _not_ happy about it.

I growled lightly under my breath. _Fucking Paul. _I knew this had something to do with him.

"Ness, I told you not to -."

"No, Jake, don't. Just... hear me out, okay?"

She shook her head slightly and furrowed her brow, like she was really concentrating on how to talk to me about this. I frowned back and listened, not for Paul, but for her.

"He has some concerns. Well, one main one and a bunch of small ones actually... and although I don't necessarily agree with how he acted about them... I _do_ think we should talk about the big one, because it's something that other people might be concerned with... later on. It's something we've never really talked about, and I think that we probably should, before Saturday."

She lifted the corner of her mouth in an attempt at a half smile, but it faltered and fell flat. I could hear the flutter of her heartbeat pick up just a bit and her fingers pick up their pace as they fiddled with mine.

Well, damn. Whether I wanted to think about Paul and his idiocy or not, I knew I had to now. I didn't give a rat's ass about what was bothering him... whatever it was, he could just get over it, and I was happy to ignore him until he did. But, it was really clear to me that it was also bothering Nessie now.

I wished my sister would've kept her mouth shut. We didn't need this right now.

I shook my head again in frustration, and pushed my thoughts about Paul and my sister aside.

"Alright, let's talk. But just so you know, I don't give a damn about what's bothering Paul, or anyone else for that matter. The only reason I want to talk about this is because I can see that it's bugging _you _now too. So let's get this cleared up. There's obviously something that my sister brought up, that you think other people might have a problem with down the road. And based on your question from earlier, I'm pretty sure you also think that it would bother my mom. So, it's gotta be something big, am I right?"

She took a deep breath and nodded as she let it out, then seemed to get stuck trying to figure out how to word her concerns.

"Sooo..."I prompted, and then waited.

She swallowed and looked down at her hands, before speaking in a small and cautious voice.

"Jake, how do you feel about kids?"

_Kids? _

_Wow. Ummmm..._

_._

_._

_._

My mind was literally drawing a very surprised blank with that one. I shook my head a bit, to get it going again.

_Okay, she's right; we're getting married in two days, so I guess we probably should have thought to discuss it before now_.

But what the hell this had to do with Paul, or anyone else for that matter, had me confused. I mean, I loved my niece and nephew, but Paul and Rachel didn't worry about what I thought before having them, so why would we have to care about what they thought?

The more I thought about what to say to her, the more confused I got, because the context of the conversation wasn't making any sense. We were talking about Paul, and Rachel, and my mom... and then this. I also couldn't figure out what she thought my mom would object to. My mom loved kids. She and dad had us three, and dad said mom would've had more if they could have afforded to. My mom would have been over the moon happy to be a grandma...

I looked down at the top of Nessie's head, wishing that she'd turn her hand over and let me into that beautiful mind of hers. Because I had no idea where she was going with this...

She chose that moment to peer up at me from between her lashes. Her big baby browns locked on my eyes. She was a bit flushed... with a blush I guessed. The way she was looking at me made me stop, forget the others, and focus just on her for a bit.

And then it hit me.

She asked me how I felt about kids.

_Kids_.

And not just any kids.

Kids with _her, specifically._

Without really thinking about it, an image of a little girl, with big brown eyes, long, curly black hair with red highlights and skin the colour of light toffee popped into my head. She had soft, peachy coloured lips, and a heart-shaped face, just like Nessie... and a smile that melted my heart.

And then there was another one. This time it was a little boy – with the same coloured skin, and short, dark curls, again with his mother's eyes, but my goofy, full grin and long, scraggly limbs like I used to have when I was little – that popped into my mind.

How did I feel about it? My heart warmed up, my skin tingled a bit... and my hands shook, partly with nerves... but mostly with excitement.

And then there was the thought of Nessie, looking like Olivia was starting to look now; flushed and radiant, body softening and rounding out in all of the right places, but most importantly around the middle – filling out with _our_ child... _damn_.

Oh yeah... I wanted that.

There was no doubt in my mind at all. I liked the idea. No – scratch that, I _loved_ the idea.

But she seemed nervous. Didn't _she_ like the idea?

"I..." I began, and then stalled a bit.

Crap. I knew I needed to tell her what I thought, but I wanted to be careful with how I worded it, because I didn't want to overwhelm her. Now that she brought it up, I was more than curious to hear what she thought about this too. Was she just asking because of her conversation with Rachel, or had she been thinking about it on her own? I really wanted to know what her motivations were.

But... she asked me first.

And she was still staring at me, expectantly waiting for my answer.

I felt my face soften and then tightened my hand around her fingers to stop her from fidgeting with them, which she had been doing the whole time I was thinking.

"I don't know how to word this, exactly," I began, "but... Ness, I actually _really _love the idea. You know how much I love you, and to think that... one day... we could do that..."

I shook my head slowly. The more I thought about it, the more I loved it, wanted it, needed it even.

I paused and felt my lips quirk up into a half smile. My index finger on the hand holding hers in her lap unfolded slowly, almost on its own. I reached out with it and placed it on her belly, just below her navel, and slid it down slowly, softly, reverently. I knew I couldn't hold back on this one. She wanted to know how I felt... so I decided to throw caution to the wind, and just tell her. Because there was no way to keep a lid on the feelings growing inside of me at that moment.

"I want that with you. A lot," I whispered quietly and seriously. "If you were willing, I'd have a dozen babies with you, and it still probably wouldn't be enough. I..." I stopped and drew in a quick breath, realizing that my mouth had run off a bit, leaving my filter behind in its dust. I was worried that I might have gone too far with that last bit.

I mean, I basically just told her that I would happily keep her pregnant and having babies for the better part of two decades, what with having a dozen babies and some time to recuperate between... I wasn't blind to my motivations, though. I knew that was the animal in me talking. The part of me that was a wolf loved the idea of staking my claim, making her mine in a way that no one else could, and creating a little pack, all of our own...

_Shit, Jake, get a hold of your inner cave man before he clubs her over the head or sends her running for the hills screaming,_ I muttered internally, before glancing back at her sheepishly.

But when I looked at her...

_Damn_.

The look she gave me when I said that was so intense it almost floored me. She peered up at me with so much love and devotion in her eyes, that I knew, without a doubt, that she'd honour me that way.

It was staggering to think that she loved me that much. That the thought of giving herself like that to both the _man_ in me, that wanted to love and cherish her, and the _wolf_ in me, that wanted to take and claim her – a _dozen _times – didn't scare her, but actually _appealed_ to her somehow...

_Just... damn. _

And then I knew I had to kiss her, hold her and show her what that meant to me, because there were no words at that moment to describe how that made me feel. I doubted that anyone, anywhere ever felt so lucky or so honoured...

I leaned forward quickly and captured her lips with mine, forcefully. She gasped around my mouth as I pulled her bottom lip between mine, and then sank into the kiss, her body melting against me. My hands wrapped around her hips, the same hips that would swell and widen to cradle our kids one day, and squeezed gently, as my tongue slid against hers, warm, wet and slippery.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers toyed with the short hair at the back of it as we kissed. Every little stroke of her fingers and tongue was like adding kindling to a smouldering flame in my heart, and _fuck_ if I wasn't harder than granite for her just _thinking_ about us making babies together...

"_Unf_,"I groaned into her mouth, pulling her body flush with mine, and then slowly eased us down to the blanket below. Her body lined up with mine, her thighs parted on either side of one of mine. Her back arched into me as we kissed, her hands slid to my shoulders, but mine never left her hips. My thumbs were busy running circles over the edge of her belly – as I imagined what it would be like someday to have a part of me, _a part of us_, in there.

I lifted and pulled her hips up to mine, and ground into them a bit. I was hot, every nerve in my body was lit up, buzzing, tingling and aching to take what was mine – to claim her – as I kissed and kissed and kissed her.

It wasn't a fast and hurried kiss. It was slow and deep and serious – really fucking serious.

I realized quickly, when she moaned into my mouth and wrapped a leg around my thigh, with her heel digging lightly into my ass, just what the hell we were doing, and where we were doing it, and pulled back abruptly to lay my forehead on hers.

We both panted a bit, trying to calm down. It had been too long since I'd had her... I needed her, but this was not the time or place.

_Two more days, just two more days, _I chanted to myself internally. I knew had to calm down... but with her all hot and sexy and panting underneath me... I just...

_Fuck._

"Damn it woman, you have no idea what you do to me," I found myself mumbling as I tried to think of anything I could to get myself under control.

It wasn't easy, because honestly, there was really only a very small part of me that wanted to stop. But it was the responsible part, the part that told me to just keep it in my pants for two more, really long, and hard (pun fucking intended) days, because in two days she would be my wife, and then we could (and _would_ if I had anything to say about it) lock ourselves away and stay in bed together for days, weeks... forever for all I fucking cared... and get lost in each other again, and again, and again...

_Ahhhh, damn, _I thought as I felt myself harden again and twitch at the thought of our honeymoon.

_Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. _

I was broken out my inner struggle by the small giggle that escaped her lips.

She was laughing at me.

I scowled lightly in her direction.

"Oh, I think you've given me a _small_ indication of what I do to you...," she whispered softly, before boldly raising her hips to brush against mine and rubbing her hipbone _right fucking there_...

I hissed a bit and grimaced.

_She's fucking teasing me_, I thought. But, damn if I didn't love it...

"Small?" I growled playfully as I ground myself into her again, sliding her core slowly against me purposefully, from the tip of my rock hard erection, all the way to the base. I smirked when her giggling automatically stopped and her eyes rolled back into her head, while she hissed out a 'Yesssssss' under her breath for the entire journey. A very _long_, drawn out 'yes', thank you very much.

"So, you think this is funny do you?" I responded through a locked jaw and gritted teeth. She was still playing with fire... rubbing against me now in slow circles with her hips.

When I asked my question she stopped her movements suddenly, and lowered her hips to the ground, before looking deep into my eyes and straightening out her face.

"No. I think you're amazing, and I love you, Jake," she said seriously.

I smiled down at her and moved to lay on my side, next to her. I kissed her softly on the lips, making sure to keep it quick, because kissing her again was definitely not going to help get rid of the titanium rod trying to bust its way out of my jeans.

"I love you, too."

She sighed deeply and looked up at the grey winter sky.

"So... about Paul," she murmured.

_Fucking Paul. _

Okay, that did it. I literally felt myself deflate in a matter of seconds. I was definitely a completely different kind of worked up after thinking about him. I growled. I didn't know what kind of objection he would have to her and I having kids, but whatever it was, I had a feeling it was about to make me even more pissed at him, if that was even possible.

"Jake... it's nothing awful. It's just that, well, Rachel said that he was concerned about... _what_ they might be. I mean, our kids, if we have them, would be cousins with his... and then naturally they'd hang out... and he was just worried about what they might be like, and if they –."

"Stop," I told her firmly. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. My blood was boiling and my fists began to clench as the familiar heat and tremors began to rock my body.

I was on my feet and away from her, pacing in an effort to calm myself and stay in control, in a flash. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. If I thought I'd hated Paul before, it was nothing compared to what I felt about him now. Because I got it. I got what she was trying to tell me, and it made me angry. No, not angry. I was beyond angry.

I. Was. Livid.

I growled loudly and shook violently from head to toe.

_That asshole. He made her worry about this? She's thinking that our kids might be something _wrong_ - because of him. And she's worried that my mother wouldn't approve of her own grandchildren... because Paul was worried about 'what' they might be. Did that son-of-a-bitch not learn _anything _from what happened when Nessie was born? I can't believe he went _there;_ he knows how dangerous and _wrong _that line of thinking turned out to be the first time. This is such bullshit!_

_That fucker had better watch his back, because when I'm done with him he'll be lucky if he can have any of his own kids, ever again._

"Jake...?" Nessie said cautiously. I grunted in response, only barely able to respond to her through my anger.

"Jake, please, try and calm down. I didn't mean to make you upset," she said quietly.

I took a several deep breaths and focused on the beautiful and pained woman behind me. It took a minute or two, but after a while I felt the tremors and heat subside.

I turned around to see that she was standing up, facing me, her right hand grasping her left, fingers fiddling with her ring. She was worried and upset.

I walked over to her and pulled her into my chest, burying my face deeply in her soft hair.

"I'm sorry, Jake," she mumbled into my shirt. "I know you're mad at him, but we really do need to think about this. He might not be the only one who's worried about it. I... I don't know what to say to make this better."

She paused, and I lowered my head to rest on her shoulder.

I couldn't say anything to her at that moment because I was still seething, and just barely holding on to my control.

"He's right, you know," she mumbled after a minute. "We don't know what they'll be like."

And what I heard in her voice at that moment almost wrecked me. I was literally half a second away from hunting my so-called brother-in-law down and literally skinning him alive... because she was serious.

"Don't," I murmured through a stiff and clenched jaw.

There was no way I was going to let her doubt this. He'd gotten away with making her doubt our relationship, her family merging with mine... even her own self-worth, but there was no _way _he was going to get away with making her doubt this. _Not this_.

"No. He's wrong, Ness," I rumbled softly into her ear before kissing the spot behind it. "We _do _know what they're going to be. They're going to be smart, and gorgeous and compassionate, like you. Or maybe they'll be strong, and laid-back or good at fixing cars like me. Hell, maybe they'll be musical geniuses like your dad, or well-read like your mom... or maybe they'll like to cook, like my mom used to."

I felt her take a deep breath and then wrap her arms around my neck tightly. I wasn't stupid, I knew what she was getting at, and that it had nothing to do with what their personalities or interests were going to be like. We didn't know what kind of _beings_ they'd turn out to be... more wolf, more vampire, more human... all of the above, or none of the above... but who were we to question it? And why would we worry about it? Her parents were a vampire and a human. Mine were a wolf, for all intents and purposes, and a human. Humanity was the one genetic puzzle piece we both had in common, so my guess was that they'd probably be more human than either one of us.

It didn't really matter to me, though, either way. As long as they were hers and mine, I knew they would be perfect. And she needed to know that too. I'd had enough of doubting things. We were getting married because _fate _had bonded us together for life... and it was time for us to stop worrying and start living.

"You know..." I said quietly, but firmly, letting her know that my opinion about this was set in stone "we may not know if they'll be a bit more... like your family, or like mine... but I do know this. They're going to be _beautiful, _because they'll be _ours_. I don't know or care about anything else. So don't ever let anyone make you question _anything_ like that, _ever_ again.

"No more questioning things, no more what if's and worrying. We're going to look up, every step of the way from here. Better days are coming for us, baby... the _best_ days are coming. I can feel it. Forget about Paul, and anyone else who has a problem with anything for that matter. I don't give a crap about what they think, and you shouldn't either. Can you do that for me? Can we just forget about all of them, and focus on us?"

She sighed and nodded against me lightly. We just stood there for awhile, lost in our own thoughts. She didn't say anything else, and didn't let me see what she was thinking, like I wished she would... but it seemed like she was letting the subject drop, so I decided not to push her. I wanted to enjoy the rest of the afternoon with her, without having to worry about anything.

She pulled away from me a couple of minutes later, saying that she had another surprise for me, and began to pack up our picnic stuff. I helped fold up the blanket and the tarp. We packed everything into the basket, said goodbye to my parents and walked hand and hand back into the woods to wherever she was taking me next.

After a mile or so of walking, she looked up at me with a small smile on her face.

"So, um, since we were on the topic..." she mumbled lightly and nibbled her bottom lip, raising her eyebrows at me.

I quirked one back at her and pondered her expression, wondering what else she'd like to talk about.

"I was wondering if you were in any hurry... or if it would be alright for us to wait a while, you know... before worrying about a... family..." she stated quietly.

I smiled at her and shook my head. This was a much easier question to answer. I loved the thought of having kids with her, but I had a feeling it would be a while before we got serious about starting a family.

I squeezed her hand and glanced at her expression, which made me chuckle. It seemed like she was one quarter hopeful, one quarter nervous, one quarter disappointed, and one quarter excited. I guess I couldn't blame her for that. Who wouldn't feel all of those things when talking about a family, especially considering that she was pretty young to think about becoming a parent.

"Don't worry, Ness. I figured it would be a while before we'd worry about that. I mean, don't get me wrong, if it happened tomorrow, I'd be ecstatic, but I don't mind waiting. As a matter of fact, I think taking some time to enjoy ourselves as husband and wife for a while might be worth waiting a few years." I waggled my eyebrows at the mention of 'enjoying ourselves' which made her laugh and flush a light peach. Yeah, she knew exactly where I was going with that one.

"So..." she said lightly when she'd managed to stop laughing, "I guess it wouldn't bother you then, if I told you that I'd taken steps to, um, _prevent _things for a little while?"

_Prevent things?_

"Like what, babe?" I asked, confused. I mean, we'd used protection before... what other kinds of steps could she be talking about?

"Like birth control, Jake," she mumbled. "I sort of... well, I already -,"

I stopped dead in my tracks at that one.

"Wait, what?" I was a bit shocked. I knew I shouldn't have cut her off, but I was a bit shocked that we were talking about this at all. I mean, I didn't even think it was an option for her.

I had a million questions. No one could be sure about this sort of thing when it came to her... nothing medical was really set in stone. And would it work? Was it even safe for someone like her?

I must have looked pretty shocked or confused because she was looking at me with an apology written all over her face.

"Sorry Jake. I guess I shouldn't have sprung that one on you. I just didn't really know how to bring it up," she said quietly. "Are you not... okay with it?"

I shook my head a bit to clear it.

"No. Well, not _no_, but I guess I don't know. I'm just a bit surprised. I mean, I didn't even know that it was an option for you. And I guess I just have a few questions. That's all."

She smiled a half smile and nodded, and then waited.

"So... how do you know what our options are? And how do we know that it'll work and if it's safe for you? Those are all the important ones, I guess." I wracked my brain, thinking about what I knew about the subject already, which admittedly wasn't much, and tried to think of anything I was missing.

"It does work. There's only one option, and it's a shot, taken once every three months. Grandpa Carlisle found out about it through the other half-vampires that were at the compound. Apparently..." she paused and blushed a little bit before continuing. "Well, you already know that once I reach full maturity in September I'll be pretty much the same for my entire life. _Nothing_ will change...," she said pointedly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I stared at her, somewhat confused as to where she was going with this, and what it had to do with the conversation about birth control. There was obviously a point she was trying to get across, but I wasn't catching it.

She sighed and looked down at our shoes.

"Nothing will change... _including_ my ability to have kids. It's just... something I'll always be able to do," she said quietly.

I gaped. And then I gaped some more.

I'd wondered earlier why she didn't seem embarrassed or even offended when I blurted out the fact that I'd love nothing more than to have a dozen kids with her. Suddenly her enthusiastic reaction to that was making a lot more sense. She must have been worried that I would see this as a bad thing. That it was just one more way that she was different... but did I think it was a bad thing?

Absofuckinglutely not. Nope... not at all. To be honest, my inner caveman was ready to grunt and throw her over his shoulder, while swinging his club around with pride.

And then I smiled. Suddenly my outrageous desire to create a little pack of our own, didn't seem so outrageous at all.

"So," she said hesitantly when she saw my smile, "you don't mind, then?"

I chuckled under my breath and shook my head.

_Hell __**no**__, I didn't mind_.

She sighed a tiny bit in relief, and then smiled somewhat expectantly at me.

"So then I guess you can understand why I'm sort of excited about giving this a try. I haven't started it yet, because I wanted to talk to you first. But my mom and I talked about it with my grandfather yesterday, and I think I'd like to try it. It only takes 24 hours to start working."

She paused and cocked her head to the side. "And if I get it done this afternoon, before the girls and I start getting ready for the evening, it'll be effective in time for the honeymoon..." she said looked up at me with a shy smile.

I took a second or two to process everything she was saying. I knew Carlisle and Bella would never have suggested it to her if it wasn't effective, or safe, so that was a given.

And she could be on it soon. Very soon...

_Oh holy hell. _I knew what if felt like to be with her.Fuck, it was like heaven. I already loved the tight pressure of her body surrounding my length, the slippery slickness of her, all wet, and warm...

_Fuck. _Why hadn't I thought of this before?_ The __**warmth**__, the fucking __**heat**__... with __**nothing**__ between us... _

I swallowed and felt my lips stretch into a very wide smile as I looked down at her suggestive expression.

Birth control in time for the honeymoon meant some very good things...

"You're sure it's safe?" I asked, trying not to let my enthusiasm get the better of me.

"Mmm hmm," she hummed and then smiled back at me, while giggling a bit.

I didn't even care that she was giggling at my enthusiasm. Birth control for her, meant that _I_ could go without, and _that_ was definitely something to smile about.

"Oh _hell _yeah," I mumbled, pulling her in for a short kiss, and pressing my hips into her, showing her exactly _how much_ I liked the idea.

She giggled again and nodded.

"Okay. This afternoon then, if you're sure."

"No objections here," I mumbled huskily, and then kissed her neck playfully. "You're sure there's nothing Carlisle can give you that'll work sooner... like say in time for our night out tonight? We can always run back right now and check..." I suggested with a smirk as I ran my fingers down her sides and over her curves.

We were both doing something separately with our bridesmaids and groomsmen for the first part of the night, before meeting up at bar in Port Angeles. Tonight would be the last night we'd be sharing a bed before the wedding, because tomorrow after the rehearsal dinner, I was supposed to sleep up at the big house, and she was going to stay at the cottage with her parents.

"Oh, no you don't, Mr. Black. I have one more surprise for you, and we're almost there. We'll have plenty of time to worry about 'that' later," she answered while wriggling out my arms.

Before I could respond she'd darted ahead of me, disappearing into the trees with a laugh.

I huffed and picked up the picnic basket, which I'd dropped at the beginning of the conversation, before darting after her. I caught up with her just as she reached the edge of the Cullen's property. She was still laughing at me under her breath as she darted to the left a bit and out of my way.

"So, it's like that, huh?" I asked her as I dropped the basket on the ground and headed in her direction.

I knew what this game was all about. Nessie loved playing games of cat and mouse as a kid, and I was always her favourite partner. When she was little it was mostly just playing around, I'd let her hide a bit and chase her slowly while she darted around trees or behind rocks to hide. But the older she got, the game got a lot less playful and a lot more competitive. We were pretty much matched in speed now, and we hadn't played in a while, so I was pretty excited for a little one on one with my girl.

She didn't answer me, just darted toward a large boulder on the edge of the clearing near the cottage and then jumped, springing off of it with a full mid-air flip and landed to the left, toward the east side of the property with a giggle.

I darted around the house from the other side and made my way into the trees. By the sounds of her footsteps it seemed like she was headed around the curved edge of the tree line, toward the garage. So I took a shortcut through the trees, and popped out just in time to cut her off at the pass.

She gasped a bit when I jumped out in front of her, and made a break to her right. I swore under my breath as my fingertips literally grazed off the soft cashmere of the sweater on her arm. She darted off the opposite direction of what I was facing, with another small giggle.

_Damn, she's getting good_, I mumbled to myself, and then smiled, because it was time to break out my A-game.

I quickly did a back-flip to change directions, and then darted after her, running at full speed, jumping over every rock and small hill or valley in the ground on my way. She was quick, there was no doubt about that, but I had a lot more muscle in my thighs, and with every leap I took over an obstacle I gained a lot of ground on her.

We were about a hundred feet away from the garage when I caught up with her. I could hear her huff and mumble the words 'aw crap' under her breath, just as my arms locked themselves around her waist. I squeezed her tightly and stopped abruptly, skidding to a halt in the grass. I spun her around in my arms, smiling triumphantly and claimed my victory by kissing her lightly on the lips.

"You're getting good," I told her honestly as she pouted at me adorably, "but I'm still better," I said, teasing her with a smile.

"Oh really?" she retorted, while cocking an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged.

"I won, didn't I?" I answered with playful pride.

I expected her to reply with some kind of sarcasm, like she usually did, but she surprised me by lifting on her toes and giving me a small kiss on the lips with a smile.

"Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do then," she said suggestively, while turning out of my arms. She grabbed my hand and headed in the direction of the garage.

I followed her, wondering whether or not we were driving to the location of her next surprise for the day, or if she had something else in mind.

We walked into the huge garage and passed a half-dozen of the best cars anyone could hope to drive in their lifetime. We stopped just in front of Edward's Vanquish, which was at the end of the long line of cars, next to the Ducati Edward gave to Jasper, which spent most of its time covered in a sheet. Apparently Alice refused to let him ride it that often because she couldn't ride on it with him, and didn't have a bike of her own because she was too short for it to be comfortable. If you asked me, it was a damn shame that most of the vehicles in that garage didn't see the light of day more often.

I got excited when I heard Nessie grab set of keys from the pocket of her jeans. She turned around and looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and a small smirk on her face. I beamed back with a smile so wide I thought I'd crack my face in half. Edward had only ever let me drive the Vanquish once, and I wasn't really in the mood to enjoy it that time. I must have harassed him at least a dozen times since then to let me take it out again, but he always said no.

He must not have been able to say no to Nessie, though, because we were standing right in front of it, holding a set of keys...

"Seriously? I don't know how you got your dad to agree to let us take this baby out for a spin, but I love the idea," I said excitedly, and then held out my hand for the keys.

But her cute little smirk fell into an apologetic pout. I felt my face fall with it.

"Sorry, Jake. We're not taking the Vanquish out today," she said, and then sighed.

I grimaced in disappointment, but then wiped it clean off my face when I saw that she was upset at disappointing me.

"It's ok, baby. It's not that big a deal. Your mom's got a pretty hot car too. Are we taking the Ferrari out?" I asked hopefully, while walking over and taking the keys from her hand.

She shook her head 'no' and looked up at me with wide apologetic eyes.

I frowned in confusion and looked down at the keys. I recognized the symbol on the key head right away, and immediately felt more confused.

"Uh, Ness? These are keys for a Harley. No one in your family owns a bike like that."

I felt like I was stating the obvious, but I didn't have a clue what she was doing with a set of keys for a vehicle no one in her family owned.

"You're right, they don't," she said quietly and then quickly flashed over to the tarp covered bike next to the Vanquish, where the Ducati should be. With one hand she ripped the tarp clean away to reveal a very shiny, very new, black on black Harley Davidson XR1200X.

I stood for a moment and gaped. I had no idea how she managed to get a hold of one of these for the afternoon, because this model was brand new and they were just rolling off the assembly lines for the year, but I was pretty damn excited that she did. If there was one thing I knew, it was cars and bikes. This was not a flashy European bike, like the Ducati. It was a bit more understated than that, but rugged and tough with the black on black finish and classic Harley style, with sleek, modern touches. I loved the way it looked... but even more than that, I loved how it was built, because this puppy was built for _speed._

"Wow," I stated before strolling over to the bike and checking it out a bit more closely. I looked over the mechanics a bit, getting lost in the design of it for a minute, until I noticed Nessie eyeing me curiously.

"This is an amazing bike, baby. I don't know how much you know about it, but it's pretty much the nicest and fastest that Harley has to offer."

"I did know that, actually," she said with a small smile. "So... you really like it?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," I answered, once again feeling like I was stating the obvious. I swung my right leg over the seat and sat, loving the way the soft leather felt, and the lines of the bike worked with my frame. Bikes were funny that way, you had to get a body to fit yours if you wanted a really comfortable ride, and this one was an excellent fit for me.

"What's not to like?" I continued. "It's a hot bike."

"And fast," she reminded me.

"Right, that too," I said with a chuckle.

"And yours," she said simply.

_What?_

"What?" I asked as my head whipped up and my eyes met hers. She was grinning from ear to ear, her face literally lit up like a Christmas tree, and nodding slowly.

I shook my head at her, momentarily at a loss for words.

She giggled at my speechlessness and nodded again, moving her head up and down slowly and with more emphasis, like she was trying to communicate her point to a small kid.

"It's yours, Jake. Surprise," she mumbled quietly. She walked over to me and placed a very soft kiss on my cheek, before turning to look at me with concern.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked quietly, still in shock.

She snorted lightly and then smacked my arm.

"No," she said before her face settled into a serious expression. She lifted her right leg and, facing me, straddled the bike over the space in front of the seat. She took my hands in hers and rested them between us before continuing.

"I know it's a big gift, Jake... and we don't really do that with each other, but..." she paused, swallowed and fiddled with our fingers a bit before continuing, "I missed your birthday this year, while I was... gone," she mumbled sadly, "and you bought me this beautiful ring when you asked me to marry you, and we're getting married in two days... _so..._" she paused again and took a deep breath.

"I love you. Happy birthday, thank you for my beautiful ring, and I can't wait to be your bride on Saturday," she breathed.

I sat there for a minute, baffled. Birthday gifts were always small, homemade things between us. We never spent any kind of money on each other, we just found a way to show the other person how much we loved them with something small but meaningful. And her ring... well, I was more than happy that she liked it, but I didn't feel like she should thank me for it. I felt like I should thank her for wearing it, for agreeing to be mine, and showing every guy around that she was taken. And as for being my bride... my soon to be _wife_... that was definitely something I was just as excited about as she was.

And here she was, giving me a gift...

"You know you didn't have to do this," I said quietly.

"I know. I wanted to, Jake," she said with a smile. "So, do you want to take it out for a spin?" she asked.

I glanced up at my beautiful fiancée, seeing her gorgeous face and her long coppery hair, in her tight, soft green sweater, with long legs covered in tight dark denim. She was a very hot girl, straddling a very hot bike. _My_ very hot girl, straddling what was apparently _my_ very hot bike...

And the last thing on my mind was taking the machine between our thighs out for a spin.

I leaned forward, and kissed her softly, taking her sweet bottom lip between my own and sucking on it. She responded by moving her lips slowly with mine, capturing my top one and sucking it lightly in return.

"Thank you," I mumbled around our lips, as my hands moved to her hips and hers moved to the back of my neck. She hummed in response and shifted closer to me.

I hummed right back and softly ran my tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entrance, while running my hands down her thighs. She opened her mouth to me and I kissed her slowly and deeply. At the same time, I lightly grasped behind her knees and pulled both of her thighs over top of mine, shifting her closer to place the heat of her soft core over my hard length.

Heat rolled through my body like an inferno when we pressed ourselves together. Her legs wrapped themselves around my waist as my arms wrapped around her back, locking us together, as we kissed deeply, frantically.

She moaned softly as I leaned forward and slowly lowered her body over the front half of the bike. I kissed her neck as I planted my feet on the floor and ground into her, rocking the bike forward a bit with the force of it.

I groaned and rocked into her repeatedly, kissing the hell out of her, running my hands over and under her shirt, while she writhed against me, rolling her hips, hands in my hair, heels digging into my ass. We were making out like high school teenagers, in her parents garage, on top of a bike.

"Jake," she mumbled breathlessly as I cupped her breast in my hand and nibbled on her collarbone, "the ride...?" she asked half-heartedly.

I chuckled into her shoulder and shook my head wondering if she had any idea how little any part of me wanted to move at that moment.

She didn't have a clue, but what we were doing right then and there was one step away from my number one sexual fantasy... the only thing keeping it from being at the top was the fact that we both had _way_ too many clothes on at the moment.

_Hot bike – check._

_Hot Nessie moaning under me – check._

_Hot Nessie moaning under me – draped across that hot bike – DAMN._

Yeah, I definitely wasn't going anywhere anytime soon_._

"Oh... baby don't you worry," I said huskily into her ear, winding my hips into her in a way that made me shudder a bit and her gasp out loud. "We're going to ride this bike alright. You _and_ me... in just a few more days. I just want to wait until my _wife_ can _come_ with me."

I smirked at her mumble of 'oh my god'.

Better days were coming for us alright, and I was pretty sure I had just discovered how to orchestrate the best one yet.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	50. The Definition of NonTraditional

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 50 – The Definition of Non-Traditional**

_Eeeeegads! Are we really at chapter 50? FIFTY? WOW. This number conjures up so many images in my mind... most of them tied to a wonderful mercurial character in the best ff ever written..._

_So, in honour of my 50__th__ chapter, and in an ode to Fifty Shades himself... Nessie and Jake take a chapter of their lives to demonstrate the definition of non-traditional._

**Chapter Songs: **

**Single Ladies ~ Beyonce (Leah and Monica); **

**OMG ~ Usher (song 1 Jake and Nessie); **

**Sex on Fire ~ Kings of Leon (song 2 Jake and Nessie) **

**And finally, the one song that does not get heard at all in the chapter, but was the inspiration for the whole fucking thing... **

**Closer ~ Nine Inch Nails (for Jacob Black)**

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you  
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you  
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell  
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
I want to feel you from the inside  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
You get me closer to god  
You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings  
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything  
Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell  
Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
I want to feel you from the inside  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
You get me closer to god

Through every forest, above the trees  
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees  
I drink the honey inside your hive  
You are the reason I stay alive  
_Closer ~ Nine Inch Nails_

**RPOV**

I smiled as Olivia pulled at her dress nervously for the fifth time since putting it on. She looked absolutely striking in the fitted little black number. It fit to her form like a second skin, falling to just a couple of inches above her knee, showing off a set of beautiful legs which she usually kept hidden. It wasn't overly sexy, seeing as it was long sleeved and had a scoop neck that only showed a hint of cleavage, but with the way it fit to her body and showcased her legs with the two and a half inch heels my Aunt Alice loaned her, it was definitely enough to push the modest boundaries she usually set for herself.

"You look amazing," I said quietly, smiling at her in the mirror as I slipped on my own three inch gold heels. My dress for the night was also quite short, a couple of inches shorter than Olivia's actually, short sleeved, with a deep plunging V in both the back and the front, an empire waist and a skirt that flowed away from my body, rather than clinging to it. My favourite part was that it was absolutely covered in light gold, shimmering sequins. Between the spa treatments Aunt Alice arranged for the girls and I earlier this afternoon, and this very flirty, sexy dress, I felt like a million dollars. I knew it was hard for Olivia to step out of her comfort zone with her outfit, but she looked like a knockout, and I wanted her to feel confident about herself for the night too.

"Thanks," she said shyly before smoothing the dress down her thighs once more. "Do you think Seth will like it?" she asked quietly while turning to the side and tucking her very tiny baby bump in a bit.

I chuckled under my breath. She actually sounded worried about his reaction. She really had no idea how beautiful she was. I spent every day of my life around some of the most beautiful creatures to walk the planet, and _I_ was impressed by her quiet beauty. She never played it up. She told me that she didn't like the attention she got when she 'dressed to impress'. But the only person she was worried about impressing tonight was Seth, and I knew without a doubt that he was going to lose his mind once he finally laid eyes on her. I could only hope Jake would have the same kind of reaction when he saw me.

"I wouldn't tuck that in if I were you," I said to Olivia, shaking my head at the fact that she tried to tuck in her tummy. "You know that Seth loves seeing that little bump of yours."

She blushed a bit and nodded her head.

"Yeah, I know," she stated with a small smile.

She shook her head lightly at herself in the mirror and then walked over to where I was sitting, just putting on the finishing touches to my light make-up. She bent over and grabbed something out of the large purse she had brought with her. She didn't need to bring any clothes. Aunt Alice was supplying clothes for everyone for the night, including the guys, because the club had a dress code, and she wanted to make sure that everyone 'got in'. I shook my head at her when she mentioned the dress code. I had a feeling that our outfits had less to do with that, and more to do with the fact that Aunt Alice didn't get to pick any of the clothes for the wedding, than anything else. I was pretty sure this was her way of making up for the fact that she was merely consulted instead of conformed to for the wedding fashions – with the exception of my gown of course. I told Aunt Alice what I wanted, and she came back with a gown that exceeded my expectations – ten-fold.

"I have something for you," Olivia said, gently placing the box on my lap.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I murmured quietly, touched that she thought about getting me a gift.

"It's nothing that you and Leah didn't do for me, before Seth and I got married. It's traditional for the maid of honour to get the bride something for the wedding night," she said with a small smirk.

I laughed under my breath a bit, and nodded, remembering the small and quiet bachelorette night we had with her the night before her own wedding. I looked down at the tiny box and felt my brow furrow a bit. Even for a nightie, this box was awfully small...

I looked up and quirked an eyebrow at her while jiggling the box lightly in my hand.

She giggled and shook her head a bit.

"Alice 'saw' me making a decision to go shopping, and told me the wedding night was already taken care of... so I thought I'd get you something for tonight instead," she said quietly. "I have one in blue, and Seth liked it, so I thought Jake might too."

I slipped the little pink ribbon off of the black box and lifted the lid, inhaling a bit to take in the sweet scent of lavender that this store's packaging was always laden with. When I lifted the pink paper inside my eyebrows lifted and my eyes slid to Olivia's pink, but smugly smiling face.

"I'll wear mine if you wear yours," she said and raised her eyebrows.

I chuckled under my breath and nodded. I was definitely on board with that plan.

"Seth is going to go lose his mind over you tonight." I called out to her from behind the closet door where I was slipping my gift on under my dress. If I wasn't sure of it before, I was now. Olivia was a very sweet girl, but it seemed to me like she had a few naughty little surprises up her sleeve, just for Seth.

I heard her giggle breathlessly and then mutter so low that she probably thought I couldn't hear her, "I certainly hope so."

**~~~000~~~**

"Okay, okay," Rachel said while waving her drink in front of her face dramatically, "_enough_! That's my little brother you guys are talking about! Just... no!"

I laughed and nodded my head, hoping Leah and Monica, Embry's girlfriend, would just let it drop. I knew it was a bachelorette party, but Rachel and Jake's other sister Rebecca, who had flown in just this evening, didn't look like they could stand one more minute of Leah's game of 'Never Have I Ever'.

For some reason, Leah thought it would be fun to play, and make all sorts of, erm, _interesting _declarations, but the answering always started with me. This latest round started with a statement about sex on or in a car... which we hadn't done. So, of course, I had to ask if making out on a motorcycle counted. It was ok until Leah started to ask for details to 'qualify' her answer. I wasn't really comfortable giving out details of what Jake and I did, but Monica pressed for more right along with Leah until both Rachel and Rebecca choked on their drinks and Rachel decided she didn't want to know anymore about what her brother and I had done earlier that afternoon on a bike in my parent's garage.

"Thank you," I mouthed to Rachel and rolled my eyes at Leah and Monica's disappointed faces.

"Let's dance," Rebecca said loudly, before hopping off of her stool and making her way over to the other side of our round table near the dance floor. "I'm not wasting this outfit on sitting here all night."

I laughed under my breath and shook my head a bit. Aunt Alice bought all of the girls' outfits for tonight, even Rebecca and Monica, although they weren't bridesmaids. And I had to say that every single one of us had probably never looked better. Jake might even be surprised at his sisters. They were both quite pretty. I know from pictures that they both look a lot like his mom, although Jake was the only one to inherit her most prominent beautiful feature; her dazzling smile.

I watched as Rebecca grabbed Rachel's hand and literally sashayed towards the dance floor. She might have been just a bit more full figured after having four kids, but she definitely knew how to work her curves to her advantage. I saw more than a few sets of eyes following the pair to the dance floor.

I put down my virgin cocktail and hopped off of my own stool, before helping Olivia off of hers. My Uncle Jasper had gotten me new ID that said I was twenty one, which I could definitely pass for dressed like I was tonight. So I could have ordered alcohol if I wanted to, but didn't really see the point. I knew from hearing Jake and the other wolves talk that in order for alcohol to have any effect on someone with a body temperature as high as ours, it would have to be really strong, or we'd have to drink a whole lot of it. I didn't care much anyway. I was just happy to be out, surrounded by happy people, in a fun place with good music and good friends.

As we made our way to the dance floor I peered around through the crowds to look for signs of Jake or any of the other guys. I frowned when I didn't see them. Jake and I had only been apart for a four or five hours, but I already missed him.

"What time did they say they were going to meet us here?" I asked Olivia loudly enough for her to hear me over the thumping of the bass.

She shrugged and looked around nervously. She was fiddling with her dress again, pulling it down and shying away from the crowds around us.

_Oh no_, I thought, _I really should have seen this coming. She hates crowds. And she hates attention. And between the six of us girls, we were definitely getting a lot of attention. _I looked around for the boys again, knowing that Olivia would be infinitely more comfortable with Seth by her side.

"I just got a text from Jake," Leah said to us while walking up to stand behind Olivia. She placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder as we walked, which seemed to relax her quite a bit. "They just got here. They're in the parking lot, but Jake says there's a bit of a line, so they might be a few minutes."

We both nodded, and although Olivia looked relieved, I felt nothing but excited and even a little bit nervous. I'd never really dressed like this before, much to my Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie's dismay, and probably to my father's delight. I just really hadn't had anywhere to go that I could wear a flirty and fun dress to. It wasn't like I went to a lot of parties or anything. But tonight was different. I knew I looked older, and all of the girls kept telling me that I looked good. Well, Leah said 'hot' and Monica said 'sexier than ever' so I guessed that Jake was in for a bit of a surprise.

I looked around as we took our place near the centre of the floor and tentatively started to dance to the music. I glanced around a bit, trying to get a feel for how people danced in a place like this, and was a little surprised to see how people just seemed to let go and do whatever they wanted. There was a lot of alcohol flowing through the club, and I knew that humans were a lot less inhibited after a few drinks, but _wow._ There was just all sorts of... _movement_ going on, for lack of a better word. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it; no one was doing the same thing as any one other person, group or couple, but there was one thing each and every one of the dancers had in common. No matter what they were doing, or who they were dancing with, the underlying message was always something provocative. Hips swayed, legs dipped, locked and rotated, and hands... hands were anywhere and everywhere. Some slid their hands up their own bodies, over the curve of their hips, or wove them up into their hair. Others used their hands as their own form of physical expression, tossing them around, swirling wrists, pointing fingers – whatever it took to demonstrate their own interpretation of the music through their bodies. But always, without exception, the movement was pretty provocative.

I listened to the lyrics and let the bass and backbeat guide my own movements. It wasn't like I was a stranger to dancing – no, I had danced plenty of times, and as a half-vampire I knew I had superior rhythm and coordination. But I'd never danced in this kind of setting before. The club was hot – both literally and figuratively. The people in it were dressed to get attention from the opposite sex. The ladies were showing off as much skin as possible, and working their curves in very tight outfits and high heels. The men were dressed in tighter shirts, to show off their physiques, well-fitted jeans or dark pants, and expensive shoes. And the atmosphere was – electric. People were happy and excited, everyone was there to have a good time... and, it seemed, to snag the attention of a lucky member of the opposite sex. Quite simply put, Uncle Jasper would probably have lost his mind in a place like this because the amount of lust and general wantonness in the club was enough to make the air feel thick with it. You could practically cut the sexual tension in the room with a knife.

"This place is amazing, isn't it?" Rachel yelled in my ear over the music as she dipped and swayed her hips to the beat. The song began to change at that moment from the deep and pulsing bass of the last one, to something a bit lighter and faster. I heard a general cheer from what seemed to be only the ladies in the club. I was confused about that for just a second, until I recognized the new song as one the single ladies in the crowd would most definitely enjoy.

I smiled in Rachel's direction and felt myself begin to relax. I liked the feeling of being in a place like this; where you could just let yourself go, get lost in the music and let your emotions guide you. I peered over at Olivia's tentatively dancing form just in time to see her glance at me with a shy smile, and then nod toward the centre of our little group. I turned my head to see what she was nodding at.

I swayed my hips a bit more than I was before, and giggled under my breath at Leah and Monica who were literally hanging off of each other, belting out the lyrics to the single ladies anthem like they were written specifically for them. They bumped hips, ground into each other and shook their fingers and their asses like they were having the time of their lives, while the rest of us married or soon to be married girls danced around them in a tight little circle, laughing at their over the top antics.

When the song ended it morphed into another one with a bit of a slower and deeper beat. I didn't listen to a lot of the songs that would be played in a club like this, so I had no idea what the song was, but based on the lyrics it was all about a guy seeing a girl in a club and falling in love at first sight. I took a page out of Leah and Monica's book and began dancing with Olivia, who suddenly seemed a lot more relaxed. I smiled widely at her new found confidence while we swayed and popped our hips together to the beat. Jake's sisters laughed and danced together too, about a foot away from us.

I noticed that the women in the club seemed to be over their moment of 'girl power' and a lot of them had found a man to move with for this song. Some were paired up with the same ones as before, others with new guys altogether. I was trying to nonchalantly observe one couple, who were all over each other, grinding their hips together, hands roaming all over each other's bodies and were even kissing like they were the only ones in the room. I was a bit surprised when I realized that they were basically 'having at it' on the dance floor.

I turned my head as soon as I realized that I was probably intruding on what should be a private moment, in a very public place, and was met by the blue-eyed gaze of a light-skinned man with dark hair. He was standing quite close to where Olivia and I were, only about a foot or so away. He startled me a bit because he was staring right at me. Well, not _staring_ at me, per say, it was more like leering. He was pretending to dance to the beat while taking the opportunity to let his eyes roam all over my body, like he was undressing me where we stood.

Not only that, but he had a friend, who was slightly shorter than him with the same colour hair and brown eyes, who sidled up along-side Olivia and was busy mouthing the lyrics of the song to her trying to get her to dance with him. I think it was an attempt to pick her up by flattering her, but honestly, even though both of the guys were nice enough looking, this guy was totally uncoordinated, and didn't even know all of the words. Whereas the guy that was getting too close to me, reeked of heavy cologne and had latched his gaze on to my legs. He was practically drooling.

_Eww,_ I thought as the taller one next to me tried to weasel his way between Olivia and me. I shuffled over a bit to the right, and away from him, while looking to the other girls for help. They were wearing matching expressions of general disgust, but they were all chuckling at us at the same time.

I huffed in annoyance and shuffled a bit further, trying to subtly give him the picture that I wasn't interested.

"Oh, come on beautiful, just one dance," he said as he wandered closer yet. "I swear I'll show you _all_ my best moves," he said while gyrating his hips in a lewd way. He reached out his hand and brushed a finger from my sleeve to my elbow as he did. I shuddered, shook my head and looked away.

_Ugh, God, that's just... no. _

This guy was starting to make me nervous. I glanced down at Olivia as I did, positive that she would be really uncomfortable with these guys and their leering eyes too, but I was shocked to find that she wasn't worried at all. She was still dancing and looking up at me with a small _smirk_, of all things, on her face. She wiggled her eyebrows a bit and then glanced pointedly to my right and behind me at something. I decided to humour her and turned as I danced to see what she was looking at.

And what I saw made my jaw drop nearly to the floor. Because right behind me, less than ten feet away and getting closer by the second, were our boys. The group of dancers on the floor between them and us literally seemed to part around them. Men seemed intimidated by the sheer size of the tall, brawny and dark quartet, and women merely gawked, although a few did try to grab their attention with a comment or a hand on the arm of one or another of them. But they were men on a mission, and didn't pay any attention to the would-be distractions.

Suddenly, I found _myself_ relating to the lyrics of the song and wanting to chant them in the ear of the tanned, muscular and oh-so-fine specimen of a man making his way towards the centre of the club to find me.

"Oh myyyy gosh," I sang lightly along with the music, and took a moment to really take him in with my eyes.

_I love you, Aunt Alice. I love you, Aunt Alice. I love you, Aunt Alice._ I heard the recesses of my mind chant, as the rest of it was reduced to a hot and steamy puddle of desire because –

_Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh... oh my gosh... _

I thought again, chanting the song lyrics internally this time while I moved my hips a bit to the beat.

Jake was wearing all black, in low slung, fitted jeans to show off his muscular thighs. His designer shirt was fitted. No, scrap that, not fitted, it was downright _tight in a very good way, _literally clinging to every muscle of his broad chest and toned stomach, showing off every inch of his rock hard and well cut physique. His thick black hair had been trimmed this afternoon and was at the perfect length, short in the back, but long enough on top to be tousled just a bit...

_Or for me to run my fingers through... or for me to grab on to while I kissed him... or for me to pull while I did other, __**much **__more interesting things..._

But the best part – better than any of the rest, was his eyes.

His dark eyes were like liquid hot coals trained on my moving form as he closed the gap between us, slowly roaming over my body, setting my skin ablaze with every inch that they touched.He started from the ground up, lingering on my thighs and breasts, until his eyes met my own – and he was standing not a foot away from where I was. They burned and blazed, and lit me up from the inside out. I was igniting for him like a match that had just been struck. One look and I burst into flame.

_Oh myyyy gosh... _I chanted to myself again, as I realized what he was doing. The whole time he made his way toward me, his eyes stayed locked on my form. Never, not once, did they waiver. His gaze was hot and his expression serious. He was focused on me, letting everyone in his vicinity, and in mine, know who he was coming for. He was literally _claiming_ me with his eyes.

_And I loved every single second of it. _

_Ohhhh God, Jake, _I thought, and let my body's reaction to his stare flood my mind and take over all of my senses.

I was transfixed – lost to him.

I heard the other two guys scoff and make some sort of off-handed remarks about Olivia and me turning them down when our boys finally reached us.

But I didn't catch an actual word of what they said, because Jake chose that exact moment to slide one of his legs between my own and rest his large hands on my hips, pulling me in and lining our bodies up so that every hot and hard inch of him was pressed up against me, save for my face, which was literally an inch from his own. I could feel the heat from his warm-vanilla breath washing over my lips. I wanted to say something, but found I couldn't speak because I was still locked in his hot stare, and with his body pressed up against mine, and the way it made the fire in my very core erupt, I was afraid it would come out as a moan instead.

He didn't speak. Didn't lower his gaze. Didn't greet me in any way.

He just... took me.

_And then he started to move. _

We were in a slower part of the song, so, with his hands on my hips, he began to sway in the most delicious way, pressing his hips into me and grinding us together where our bodies needed it most – his _hot, thick and hard_ pressed up against my _soft, warm and wet_. I ran my hands up his arms to rest on the back of his neck, holding on for dear life, because I was sure that if I didn't, I would literally melt into a hot mess in his arms and slither to the floor.

I felt myself flood with heat from head to toe as the beat changed and picked up a bit, and he began popping his hips a bit in time with the back beat... and mine too.

My body reacted with pleasure, every time his hard heat rubbed up against me, it made the tension in my belly begin to stir... and get hotter, and tighter – with every sway, dip, roll or pop of his hips.

His rhythm and timing were perfect. He was hitting each and every beat as if on cue. To the others in the club it would probably seem like he had some kind of training. I knew differently though. This was part of his essential wolf make-up; they were just as coordinated as vampires. But I also knew, more than anyone else, that _no one_ could move like Jake.

He rolled his hips into me again, this time while leaning in to suck on my neck in a way that might leave a mark. Aunt Alice was going to throw a fit over that... but I really couldn't bring myself to care at the moment. And it seemed like Jake didn't either.

I gasped when I felt him twitch against my hip through his pants, and then felt the corner of my mouth lift into a smirk.

I _loved_ that I could do that to him. Here we were in a place filled with beautiful women, all looking for a gorgeous guy just like him to give their attention to... and he wanted _me_.

"Oh yeah, baby," I whispered near his ear, knowing that he would hear me despite the loud music and suddenly, I found myself again. My shaky limbs and the rest of my desperately turned on body once again became my own. I heard him hum lightly under his breath as he leaned in to place a slow, hot and wet kiss on my neck while we moved.

I smiled.

I liked this little game... and I wanted to play too.

So with the next change in beat, I rocked my hips into his at the same time as he rocked in to me. I heard him growl under his breath at the pressure, just as I whimpered, but neither of us stopped moving against each other. If anything, we pressed harder and rolled a bit deeper _together_.

"Fuck," I heard Jake mumble in my ear. His breath was hot and ragged. His tongue wet and warm as it flicked out to graze that spot behind my ear. The song was nearing its close and I decided to make the most of it. I ran my hands over his shirt, while kissing his neck and winding my hips in time with the beat.

"Close enough," I whispered in his ear, just as the song began to blend with another, much more familiar one.

"Closer would be better," he rumbled out in response, before reaching one his hands around toward the top curve of my ass, and pulling me in tighter, making me moan lightly in response.

His voice was... it was serious. I knew exactly where I had heard that undertone before. It was his alpha voice – strong, steady and commanding.

And I suddenly found myself very eager to obey.

I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head when the beat began to switch back and forth from the current song to the next, and Jake kept up perfect time and rhythm to the switch with his hips. His hips and length would pop into me quickly with the fast beat and then wind and grind into me torturously with the slow and sexy guitar riffs that came next.

Fast – _pop, hard and sharp _

Slow – _grind, slow and deep _

Fast – _pop, hard and sharp _

An open mouthed kiss on my jaw then my neck.

Fast – _pop, hard and sharp _

Slow – _grind, slow and deep _

A lick, suck and nibble on my collar bone.

Slow – _grind, slow and deep_

I was panting and writhing and completely at his mercy.

It was amazing to me that the DJ at the club was able to mix the two songs together as well as he did. The song that was ending was full of popping bass and jumpy back beat, while the next was a much slower and very different type of song, although it was still very sexy with more of a slow rolling bass and sharp, sexy guitar riffs dominating the beat.

I had no idea what this next song was about – nor did I care. I could hear the beat. I could feel it vibrate through my body. I knew there was a room full of people around us, including his sisters and our friends, but all of that was secondary. All I could see was Jake. All I could smell was Jake. All I could _feel_ was Jake. As we moved his fingertips grazed my bare legs, slid across my ass, tickled every rib on my sides, and danced across the side swells of my breasts. They wove in my hair as he kissed my neck and whispered dirty lyrics from the song we were listening to in my ear. They held my waist firmly as he dipped me backward a bit and placed a light kiss at the top of my cleavage.

He was... just... _everywhere._

Well, not _everywhere_... because there was one, very specific part of me that he _wasn't_... and that was starting to become a bit of a problem.

Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that we should probably be a little less _all over_ each other than we were, especially with our family and friends so close by, but, once again, I found that I just really couldn't bring myself to care.

There was a part of me that needed him this way and didn't care who was around to witness it. There were parts of my body, mind and soul that _craved_ his possession of me – because that was exactly what he was doing. I had no misconceptions about that. This was about want and need and the desire to show every man in the place that I was _his_, and no one else's. I could feel it in the seriousness of his gaze, his movements, the way his body dominated mine from every angle, bending over, under, into and around me.

And _my God _did I want it. I _wanted_ him to possess me; to take me and make me _his._

I looked straight into his eyes and saw it there. _The_ look. The animalistic look that told me that my sweet, loving Jake had momentarily left the building and my strong alpha-male was staking his claim.

I welcomed it.

It had been too long.

I wanted him.

All of him.

Now.

**~~~000~~~**

**Jacob Black POV**

"You ready, man?" Embry asked as we entered the club. We had just finished up at the tattoo place. It took a little longer than we had originally planned, because the design I wanted was a bit more intricate than the artist thought based on the description I gave him over the phone when we booked our appointments. It was worth it though. It looked amazing. I couldn't wait for Nessie to see it on Saturday.

I chuckled under my breath and nodded. Apparently Embry had seen the outfit that the pixie got for Monica to wear tonight – and it was hot. He had been salivating over daydreams of her in it all afternoon. Monica told him the rest of the girls were wearing outfits just as hot as hers... but because Nessie was the bride, hers was the best. I was excited to see what she would be wearing tonight. It was her first time in a club, and I knew she was nervous, so I wanted her to feel confident and, you know, sexy too. It was her bachelorette party, she should feel sexy.

We made our way over to the bar. It was on a raised platform and so were the stools, so we decided we'd have a pretty good vantage point from there to look for the girls.

I stepped up onto the platform first, followed by Seth and Quil. Embry joined us last, and ordered a round of beers. It wasn't like we needed the alcohol, because it wouldn't affect any of us, but it would help us relax a bit and blend in.

I pulled on the cuffs of my shirt a bit, a little irritated at the long sleeves. I wasn't used to wearing button up shirts that were this fitted either.

_Damn that pixie and her tight-ass shirts with sleeves, _I thought wryly, and then shook my head at myself because I was really only slightly uncomfortable, and when I looked in the mirror after getting dressed earlier, even I had to admit that the shirt made me look good. It was fitted enough to show off the muscles in my chest and arms, and I knew Nessie liked those... so really it was ok. I'd definitely be ok with wearing this if she liked it.

And speaking of Nessie...

My eyes started to roam the dance floor, trying to get a glimpse of my girl. The place was huge, so I figured it might take a few minutes to spot them. Nessie wouldn't tell me much about her outfit, but she did say that she would be in gold. Seth was beside me craning his neck, probably trying to find Olivia. She hated crowds, so I was pretty sure Seth was anxious to get to her. She was always a lot calmer in Seth's presence.

I noticed Quil handing me a bottle from the corner of my eye and took it, while sweeping my eyes a little further up the dance floor. It didn't take long for me to figure out where they were. I felt Seth nudge me with his elbow from the right side, just as I spotted them.

"Holy shit," I heard Embry whisper from left at the same time.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion from then on in. I was having one of those movie moments, where life around you seems to slow and you've got tunnel vision. Sights and sounds around you dull, but everything about the image you're concentrating on sharpens.

I saw Olivia, who I only recognized because of her long black hair and tiny frame, just as she locked eyes with Seth. She was wearing a very tight and short black dress, that was a whole lot more revealing than anything I'd ever seen her in. She smiled and wigged her hips a bit in our direction. Seth moaned a 'fuck me' under his breath before literally gaping at her, mouth open like an idiot. I wouldn't have been surprised to see him drooling.

I heard Embry mumble a 'hell yeah' under his own breath as he spotted Monica and Leah bumping and grinding in skimpy little dresses and very high heels.

But none of that mattered to me. All of that barely even registered, just sort of stuck in the back of my mind, like white noise.

Because the only thing I could see that that moment was the gorgeous bronze haired beauty in the centre of the dance floor.

Her dress was gold, just like she said, and really sparkly, like, all over. It caught the light with every sway of her hips, every roll of her waist, every shift she made. There was light bouncing off of every single one of her curves.

And did I mention that it was short? Because it was. Like really fucking short.

Legs.

Creamy, smooth, pale, luminous, luscious legs.

Miles and miles of legswere on display. And she had these high strappy heels on, that lifted and tightened everything above them. I could see every muscle, every line of those shapely, perfectly sculpted legs from her toes, all the way up to just _inches_ from her perky ass.

_Goddamit. I fucking love those legs. _

As Nessie moved, my eyes followed the sway of her legs - _those beautiful legs that I loved wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, holding me to her_...

She had been talking and laughing with Rachel a bit as she danced, but chose that moment to turn her attention to Olivia. Instead of talking with Olivia, she focused on dancing with her around Leah and Monica, who were at the centre of the group. Her back was still mostly to me, but I caught a glimpse of her profile when she swayed and turned with the music. It was just a glimpse, but it was enough.

I felt my eyes widen and jaw drop just a bit. The dress fit her body like a glove on top, falling over the curve of her waist, carving it out like sculpture. But the best part was the deep 'V' in the front. Even from the side and over thirty feet away I caught a glimpse of the inside swell of her full breast.

_Good God, Ness._

It was perfection.

_She_ was perfection, in a gold sparkly dress. And she was mine.

What the fuck I ever did to get so lucky was beyond me, but I certainly wasn't questioning it at that point.

I heard Quil laughing at the three of us as we stared and practically drooled over our girls. I knew he didn't get it. He didn't see the same things that we did when we looked at our girls, or any girl for that matter, because he would never have eyes for anyone but Claire. But he knew enough to know that Seth and I were goners for the night. Embry probably was too. He hadn't imprinted on Monica, but they'd been together for a while, and I knew he loved her. All three of us were standing there, just staring at our girls, open mouthed and probably looking like we were ready to catch flies.

Quil's laughter brought us back to reality and after we rolled our tongues back up and shoved them in our mouths we decided to sit back and enjoy the show for a while. The girls were having a great time, but they were dancing to one of those girlie songs about man-hating, so they didn't really need us right away. I kept my eyes trained on Nessie as I sipped my beer and listened as Embry talked to Seth about his new tattoo and Seth pretended to listen while keeping his eyes glued to Olivia's form. Quil seemed to be fine just sitting back and taking in the sights and sounds of the club. He was looking around with curiosity, but not interest. I was happy he made it tonight, but I knew he came just for me. Places, like this held no interest for him, because they had nothing to do with Claire. But he was my groomsman, so he came with me for the night, and it meant a lot to me that he was here.

After a couple of minutes the song changed and people on the dance floor began coupling up. I noticed Nessie glancing around with interest as she slid a bit closer to Olivia, because Leah and Monica were still dancing together and my sisters had paired up with each other too. She glanced to the side a bit and seemed to be focused on something for moment. I was curious about what she saw because she was looking at it so intently, so I tore my eyes away from her to glance in the direction that she was looking. What I saw made my lips curl up in a little smirk. She was watching a couple dancing together. They were pretty into it, connected everywhere their bodies could touch through clothes, and they were all over each other, dancing and kissing like they were the only people in the room.

_So my girl is interested in a little bump and grind, huh? Yeah, I definitely think I'm up for that tonight._

I tilted back my beer, draining the last bit, and started making plans to approach her on the floor, when I heard Quil mutter something dryly from my right.

"Looks like you guys aren't the only ones enjoying the show."

I gripped the bottle in my hand a bit tighter and grimaced. I knew that the girls were getting a lot of attention tonight. I noticed it from the moment I laid eyes on the six of them. There were men all over the club glancing their way, making comments about them, and generally enjoying the view like we were. In a way I couldn't blame them. The girls all looked really good – none of them better than Nessie of course, she stood out from all the rest. And not just to me. There were men all over the club drooling over the 'hot redhead' in the centre of the dance floor.

I'm not gonna lie – it bothered me. A lot. After everything we'd been through in the last few months, with her being stalked, and then taken – and those disgusting leeches getting their hands on her – I was feeling more than a little protective of her. She was mine and no one should have had her in any way, except for me. Ever. I wasn't over that, not by a long shot, so I was prepared to feel possessive tonight. I _knew_ I would. She was bound to attract a lot of attention. She was gorgeous even in her everyday jeans and t shirt, and knowing that she got a lot of attention just dressed like that, made it impossible for me to deny that she would be getting more than her fair share tonight. It was one of the reasons I had been a bit hesitant to do this... but Nessie wanted to, because she never had before, and it was her bachelorette party. She said she just wanted to do something 'normal'. So I agreed, of course, because I wanted this to be everything that she wanted. But I knew I'd have a hard time with her being out on display like this. We really hadn't gone anywhere since we'd gotten back and I just wasn't ready to _share _her yet. To be honest, I didn't think I'd ever want to. I could spend every day for the rest of my life with her, and no one else, and be the happiest man on earth. But that wasn't reasonable. And I knew it. Even so, I was glad that she was excited to meet up with us tonight. I knew I wouldn't have been ok with her doing something like this with just the girls... without me. If she was going to a club then I was going with her.

So here we were, all of us dressed in Alice's best, blending in and looking like we belonged. Except for Nessie, who looked like she could have just stepped off of some high-fashioned runway somewhere, in that dress, with her beautiful face, long straight bronze hair, and a body that supermodels would die for. Just like I knew she would.

So like I said, I was prepared for the looks, the comments, the attention. If I was just some random guy in the club that night, and not the lucky bastard that was going to get to marry her in just a day and half, I would have watched her all night, maybe even tried to talk with her before the night was over. It was what guys did in a place like this. I was prepared for that.

But nothing, _nothing_ could have prepared me for what I felt when I lowered my gaze back to my beautiful girl on the dance floor.

_Rage._

_White, hot, jealous, possessive rage _coursed through my veins at the sight of some dark haired, grease ball fucker approaching Nessie and trying to get her to dance with him.

I did _not_ like the way he was looking at her. I knew that look. Every guy knew that look. He wasn't appreciating her beauty for what it was. He was practically undressing her with eyes. No, fuck that, dude was literally _eye-fucking_ her as he stood there and tried to wedge himself between her and Olivia. He was way too close for comfort, both mine and Nessie's, judging by the expression on her face. And his douche of a friend was busy getting way too close to Olivia, mouthing something at her that had her looking over to Seth in a bit of a panic.

I knew Seth saw it at the same time I did because I heard him mutter a quiet, but scathing 'What the fuck?' under his breath when he saw the look of panic is his wife's eyes. She was fucking married and _pregnant_ for God's sake, and Nessie was engaged, and those fuckers had to know it – they were both wearing their rings. It was probably why no one else had bothered to approach them up until that point. It was an unwritten rule among men – the good men, that is. Putting a ring on your girl's finger was the sign that she was taken. A very clear – _you can look, but don't touch. She is not yours and never will be yours because you, unlucky fucker that you are, were too late and missed your chance, and now she's MINE._

And so we looked, and admired, maybe even commented and threw the 'taken' a smile or a wink from across the dance floor, but we didn't approach, and we certainly didn't do what these two repulsive mother fuckers were doing right now.

Nessie shifted away from the guy, obviously not interested, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. He shifted right with her. I watched with disgust and unconcealed anger as he mentioned something about showing her 'all of his best moves'.

My lips curled into a snarl with what he did next, because this was definitely crossing the line. As a matter of fact, the asshole practically signed his death warrant with it. I saw it coming before it even happened, and felt something shift within me as he did it. Something was brewing inside me. Something I had been holding back for a very long time, since the first moment she became mine. Something that I had barely been able to reign in over the past few months while she was being hunted and stalked - and when she was gone.

I felt my face smooth out and my shoulders drop back, as a rush of heat swept through me, up my spine and slowly unfurled into my skin and bones. It wasn't the regular heat, I was in no danger of losing my form and phasing. But I _was _losing control. The animal inside me did not like what he was seeing, some stupid, useless and disgusting mother fucker trying to take what was mine. Normal Jake might have gone over there, told the asshole to 'fuck off' in no uncertain terms, and moved his girl safely out of the way. But I could feel the change starting – feel my insides breaking apart, separating. Normal Jake was one part of me, usually the bigger part of my personality in my human form. But tonight, _normal _Jake was not the one that was going to make an appearance on that dance floor to get his girl.

Douche bag's arm lifted, his eyes roaming up her legs, _my legs_, and lingering on the space between her thighs near the bottom of her skirt. I knew what he was doing. He was imagining the _Holy Grail _at the apex of her thighs_. MY space, MY heaven on earth._

Normal Jake growled, and rattled a bit in his cage. But I just straightened out further, lifting myself to my full height and honed my senses in on the debauchery in front of me.

His finger reached out.

Normal Jake drew up his fists, ready to rip the mother fucker's arm off, but he wasn't in control at the moment.

"_Do it_ _and die mother fucker," _my mouth mumbled under my breath. It was involuntary. A little bit of normal Jake just seeping through to the surface.

Internally, I snapped at normal Jake with my teeth, using my sharp fangs to show him who was boss, and forced him back into is cage for the night.

I was waiting, letting the change settle in my bones. Letting the raw feelings of possession for _my mate_ become my singular and primary focus. Letting the alpha in me settle in to my skin and bones in this form. There was no fur, no fangs, no seven foot tall wolf. But make no mistake, I was the alpha wolf tonight.

Douche bag's _hips_ swung forward, invading Nessie's space and fucking _dry humping_ the air around her.

I placed my beer bottle down on the counter behind me. The movement was silent and swift – stealth to a point that any human watching would have noticed that I was something 'else', not one of them.

I heard Seth to my left mutter 'Jake?' softly from my left. He noticed my movement with the bottle. He had to have. Quil and Embry probably did too. Their senses were all sharpened and trained to pick up that sort of thing.

But I didn't answer. Because 'Jake' wasn't there to do it at the moment. He was somewhere in there, somewhere under the alpha, but he wouldn't be making an appearance for the rest of the night.

And that's when the bastard did it. Right in front of my eyes.

He _touched_ her.

_MINE! _I roared internally, as heat and possession and that white hot rage took over completely. I was seeing red, I was seeing red, I was seeing fucking red.

I felt the more familiar heat of my other form whisper up and down my spine at Nessie's reaction, because she _shuddered_ away from him. But I controlled it. I wasn't a man answering to the call of the beast within. For tonight I _was _the animal, and I answered to no one.

_NO, _I thought darkly._ She is a goddess; queen to my king. My woman shudders in pleasure only – pleasure she receives from ME._

I bristled and let the storm inside me take over. I felt it settle into every muscle and bone in my body. And just like that, all traces of the man in me were gone. The wolf was here – the animal had taken over and after months of people threatening to take away his reason for being he was here to take what was his.

Jake was nowhere to be seen.

I was _Jacob Black_, leader of my tribe, alpha of my pack and I was going to claim my queen and place her up on her throne where she belonged.

"We're done here," I ordered. Yes_, _fucking _ordered_. My tone left no room for argument. It was heavily laced with the alpha tone that my boys rarely heard, but knew only too well, and even in this form, had no choice but to obey.

Three beer bottles swiftly made their way to the counter, clunking softly as glass met granite. Three sets of feet swept forward as my men stopped on either side of me.

And with the first step I took, the four of us started to move. People parted on either side of us, making way for us to get through beside each other, through the thick throng of bodies between the bar and the centre of the dance floor. We were a solid wall of wolf, and nothing was going to break us up until we reached our goal.

My eyes and ears were focused solely on Nessie. I watched as she turned toward Olivia, a look of worry dancing across her face. But Olivia saw us first, and didn't respond to Nessie's worry. She was smirking, and nodding her head in our direction, alerting Nessie to the fact that she should turn around.

I stalked forward, my goal in sight. I knew my movements were smoother and a bit faster than they should have been in a room full of humans, but most of them were too drunk to make sense of it, or even remember what they had seen in the morning, so it wouldn't be a problem. And even if it was, I wouldn't have cared. The only thing I cared about was getting to my girl, my Nessie, and showing every fucker in that place that she was _mine_.

We were about ten feet away when Nessie swayed her hips to the music, trying to be inconspicuous, and turned while dancing to the rhythm of the song still blasting from the speakers. I watched as her eyes immediately locked on the four of us making our way toward them. Her movements faltered for half a second, while her breath pushed out in the tiniest huff and her jaw loosened, making her full shiny lips part just slightly.

I felt her eyes roam over me, and knew she was taking in my stance. Her eyes danced over my form, tracing over the lines of my body through my clothes, just like I had done with her the moment I first laid eyes on her tonight.

The wolf in me grew to about ten feet tall when I heard her mutter a quiet 'oh my gosh' right along with the music. Because I realized that her eyes danced over me with _appreciation_ and I was officially the luckiest bastard alive at that moment.

I slowed my steps just a bit, and decided to return the favour – to let my beautiful girl know with my eyes just how much I appreciated her for the goddess she was. I started at her toes, painted with soft shimmering gold to match her dress, and made my way up every inch of her smooth creamy legs. I drank in the sight of the creamy white soft skin, laid over the curves of the muscles in her calves, the perfect angles of her knees, still softly bending as she danced, and then over the smooth planes of her perfectly toned thighs. I let my eyes wander up further, to the curves of her hips and the slope of her waist. Up, slowly up my gaze travelled, over the shimmering gold of her dress, shifting slightly as she moved to the warm valley between her soft breasts, over the perfect lines of her collar bone and her long, sweet neck, to her dark peach and pouty lips – and then locked on her eyes.

I saw her freeze, only two feet away from me at this point, and get locked in my gaze.

_She knew. _I could see that she knew that I was a man on a mission. I showed her with my eyes and I knew by her response that she could see I was coming for her – to take what was mine.

_Help me, _they commanded, nearly begging, but not quite. Jacob Black, alpha male, did not beg.

I closed the gap between us, keeping our eyes locked on each other's and asked my silent permission. I slid one leg between hers, hands falling to the curves of her hips, fingers wrapping around – and pulled her to me. I wasn't rough, but I wasn't gentle either. I felt our bodies line up, inch by heated inch her soft, warm form moulded to every line of my hot and now very hard body. Her breasts rested on my chest, her waist next to mine, her hip bones nestled between my own, and pressed my hard length right up between the apex of her thighs. Her dress shifted up an inch or two, sliding over the muscles in her thighs and my own, until we were lined up, right where I needed to be – right at the _Holy Grail, _the gateway to my heaven.

I didn't speak. She knew what I wanted. And I knew what I needed. I needed her permission. I needed her to show me, and all those other fuckers, including the douche bag not even two feet away, who she belonged to.

And then she did it. She whimpered, a sound so sweet and soft and sexy that it travelled straight to my dick, and made the animal roar in satisfaction as she literally melted into my arms.

_Yes!_

_Mine._

_All mine, motherfuckers._

_Mine, mine, mine._

And then I nearly went insane with pride and lust and possession when I smelt just how much she approved. The sweet scent of her _arousal_, her peach and honey, filtered through the air between us. _She wanted it. _

_YES, baby._

_MINE._

_I'm going to take, take, take... but you don't need to worry, because whatever I take, I'll give back, tenfold. You, my goddess, my beautiful, beautiful girl, will get everything you desire tonight. _

I had my permission, her _desire_ even, for the animal, instead of the man. So I took her, and everything she was offering. She was going to help me. She was the only one who could tame the animal in me. She knew that the only thing that would work to soothe the beast, was to submit to the animal.

And she did.

_MINE._

I started to move.

The song had a quick beat that alternated with something slower at the chorus. I was all wolf reflexes and senses tonight. I matched the rhythm of my hips with the quick beat of the song, keeping up with it in a way that most human men wouldn't have a prayer of doing, and rocked her with me every step of the way. Her arms slid up to the back of my neck, her body wrapped just slightly tighter around me, and she let me move her against me.

I moved, _not_ her.

_MINE._

I ground my dick into her heat at the first sign of the slow chorus and moved my lips to her neck. I loved the feel of her thighs draped over mine, her hips under my hands, and the taste of her soft, sweet neck under my lips.

_This_ was how it should be; her body over _mine_, her desire to be with _me_ matching mine to do this to her.

_MINE._

The rest of the song continued that way. I was so focused on her that I took no notice of anyone else around us, except for the others we were with. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see the looks of mild shock on the faces of my sisters, Monica and Olivia; but not from Leah or any of the guys. They were all regarding me with expressions of understanding. They all understood the animal, it lived in each and every one of them, but none more so than me. They got it. They knew how necessary it was for me to finally stake a public claim on my mate, and they did their best to distract the others while I did it. I'd have to thank them for that later.

But now – now it was time to focus on my girl. My fiancée. My own personal goddess.

Tonight was all about Nessie, and her alpha wolf.

The next thing that registered was the jolt of lust that shot through my entire body and then straight down to my dick, making it twitch against her as I smelled the rush of her desire while I sucked on her neck.

Nessie gasped when she felt me twitch against her and then whispered a soft and sexy 'Oh yeah, baby' in my ear.

_Yes. Fuck yes._

I hummed in agreement, and kissed her neck where I had been sucking, making a silent promise to myself not to mark her. I wanted to... fuck did I ever want to... but not like that. Not with the wedding so close...

She must have liked the kiss because the next thing I knew she was rocking her hips against me, in perfect time with mine, to the beat.

Godfuckingdamit I thought I was going to lose it right then and there. She was enjoying this just as much as I was.

"Fuck," I muttered as I worked to get myself under control.

"Close enough," I heard Nessie mewl in my ear. Her hot breath tickled my ear, the top of my jaw and flowed down my neck.

_No, baby. Not close enough. Not anywhere near close enough. I want closer. I want in. I want you._

"Closer would be better," I informed her. Because we both knew it would be.

I let my hands wander down from her hips to her ass, and pulled her up closer, trapping my hard length between her thighs, nestling right up against her sex and rolled my hips in a deep, slow and hard circle against hers.

I peeked up at her face to see her eyes roll back in head and felt the rush of heat and moisture that accompanied it, even through my pants and whatever she had on under that fuckhot dress.

When the first song came to a close, the one it blended into was slower, sexier and one we were both familiar with. I used the familiarity to my advantage, and began working her body like a fiddle, playing her lows and highs, strumming her strings until she was humming for me, the way only _I_ knew how.

_MINE._

I whispered the lyrics in her ear as I wound our hips on the down beat and ran fingertips slowly up her thigh from her knees to the hem of her dress. Her skin was like silk.

"You... your sex is on _fire," _I breathed, and meant every word. The heat between us was like an inferno, rolling off our body in waves as we ground our bodies into each other.

My hands slithered up to her hips, tracing over her curves from there, over her slim waist, to the sides of her breasts.

I forced my hands to slide in the opposite direction of where they wanted to go, and slid them around her back, away from her tempting chest and then up into her hair.

I wove them in tightly, grabbing hold of her and tilting her head back to whisper to her as we rolled and dipped our hips together, me in the lead, her following my every move with passion.

I lost it then, the animal won over in every sense. I needed her badly, and I needed her now. My hands roamed everywhere, over her back, her gorgeous ass, her waist. My mouth kissed her jaw, her neck, her collar bone, even the top of her breasts where they pooled together just under her breastbone. I was touching her in ways that some people might have seen as a violation in public, if it wasn't so clear to me and everyone else there that she was _mine_, and she wanted it as much as I did. And when I wasn't kissing her I was whispering the lyrics to her – the song was perfect for us, perfect for this moment.

And when the song was drawing to a close, I looked up at her, and confirmed that she was really willing to give me all of her. She was submitting to me tonight in every single way possible. Forget the club full of people, forget the wedding, forget waiting, forget tradition – fuck it... all of it.

I was going to have her. And she was going to give herself to me.

Now.

_MINE._

The song ended abruptly, and with a searing and surprisingly soft kiss to her plump lips, I pulled back and took her hand. I barely noticed Seth as I nodded my goodbye and led Nessie through the crowd of people. I held her hand and pulled her close to me, behind the left side of my body, and walked straight through to the door.

Some of the people that had been watching us hooted or hollered at us as we left, it was obvious what we were leaving for. I knew I should have been concerned about that – embarrassed even. Jake would have been. But I wasn't.

Jacob Black was exactly the opposite of embarrassed. He was proud as fuck.

_Look all you want, fuckers. She's leaving with __**me**__._

I led her straight out the back door and headed to my bike. The Harley was only built for one, but it didn't matter at that point. I turned toward her, gripped both sides of her waist firmly and lifted her onto the bike, sitting her at the back edge of the seat. I leaned in and kissed her jaw, letting my tongue flick out and taste her, before sliding on in front of her.

Her arms gripped me tightly around the waist, thighs pressed into mine. I ran my hands over them and gave them a squeeze. I could feel the heat of her sex behind me. I loved the feel of her pressed up against me, holding on tight, knowing that she was excited and willing to follow my lead.

I started the bike and we were off. You would think that the cool night air would have calmed me and brought me back down to reality, but in reality, it did the opposite. We were riding on the road, on the edge of the forest and that was _my _domain. The wolf in me was even more prevalent outdoors. I inhaled and smirked as I realized where I was, and where we were going next.

I took a sharp right, onto a small trail and into the forest. I'd come across the trail a million times over the years during patrols. It was the perfect place. I didn't have to drive for long until we got to a small clearing. The bike skidded to a stop. I cut the engine, kicked the stand down and rose off the bike to face my girl.

She swung one of her legs over the side of the bike and turned to face me. Our eyes locked and we burned.

I wasted no time from there on in. She was up for it, and I was going to make it good.

I closed the gap between us and kissed her hard. I dominated the entire thing, plundering her mouth with my tongue, nipping at her lips and grabbing at her hips roughly. I would have been worried about being too rough if she hadn't moaned in my mouth and I hadn't smelled the rush of peach and honey from between her thighs.

I felt her hands run over my chest, something that reminded me of what she was doing while we were dancing at the club, so I leaned back, broke the kiss and pulled off my shirt. She reached forward on her own, grabbed at the buckle on my belt and pulled me back to her.

I smirked and growled a bit at her eager response before leaning in to kiss her neck.

I wound into her as I kissed her, rubbing my length against her heat and groaning the feel of it. I felt her hands make quick work of my belt buckle, and my button fly. With one final move, she pushed them down and off and then my boxers were sliding down toward the forest floor. I stepped slightly to the side and out of them, toeing my shoes off at the same time, and then stood naked before her.

I leaned back and ran my hands up her arms to her neck. She was looking at me with unconcealed desire, want and love. It was just what I needed. This woman loved me – all of me. Man and wolf. I'd loved her as man, and now I was going to love her as a wolf. Her alpha... Jacob Black.

'Touch me," I said softly, but firmly.

She whimpered at my soft command, and did as she was asked.

I felt her soft, tiny, warm hand wrap around me and stroke lightly from the base, all the way up to the tip. She wound her wrist and rolled her thumb across the tip, making me hiss, before she made her way back down.

I lowered my lips and hands to her chest, slipping my fingers into the top of her dress and pulling it wide open from both sides, licking the valley between her breasts as they spilled out of her dress.

I let my hands wander to her legs, which were open and dangling over the edge of the bike as I sucked and licked on one of her delicious nipples.

Her soft skin tasted so good. I licked and sucked at her, running my fingertips up and down her thighs, barely grazing her sex at the top with every pass, as she continued to stroke me softly.

"Harder," I panted out around the nipple in my mouth, when her soft touch wasn't enough. She complied immediately. And I fucking loved that she did.

_Ung, that's it baby. Fuck, I love you. Yes, Nessie. Yes, baby... FUCK._

With the next pass up her legs I gently pushed her thighs open a bit wider and slid one hand up to cup her sex. She was hot... God was she ever fucking hot... and wet. The lace of her thong was drenched.

_Thong?_

And that's when I fucking realized what she had on under that dress. I pulled my mouth away from her and glanced down to where my fingers were playing across her bare lips and took in the sight of my heaven, _the Holy motherfucking Grail, _clad in only a black lace thong.

I glanced up to her face. She was biting her lower lip, her eyes were heavy with lust and her expression told me all I needed to know.

I loved the thong – _fuck did I ever love it_ – and I would get her another one so she could show her fantastic ass off in it to me later, but for now, that thing had to go.

So quickly it made her gasp, I slipped my fingers underneath the tiny scrap of fabric and pulled, ripping it clean off her body and tossing it to the forest floor.

As soon as it hit the ground I placed a hand over hers, stilling her movements and looked her straight in the eye. I gripped her right leg and brought it up and over the bike, then let it drop softly to the ground, so that she was straddling the seat backwards. I climbed on in front of her, and ran my hands from her hips up to her ribs as I kissed her sweet lips. Peach, honey and Nessie filled my mouth and my mind. I could taste her sweet mouth, smell her arousal and feel the heat from her sex just inches from my aching length.

"I need you," I panted into her mouth as I kissed her, and then groaned in fucking despair, as I realized that I couldn't have her.

_Fuck. FUCK my life and the lack of a fucking condom. I need her – and I need her now._

My inner wolf was screaming and howling at me to just take her. She was mine. She would be my wife in less than two days. I needed to have her, mark her as my own. Not wanted, _needed_.

_Fuuuuuuck._

And then I heard the sweetest words ever whispered in the history of mankind, come from the sweetest set of lips, on the most beautiful woman ever to walk to the planet.

"Take me, Jacob," she whispered into my mouth, and shifted so that my hardness was nestled right against her hot, dripping sex.

"Like this, right now," she whispered.

I growled loudly in frustration against her neck, because I was so torn. It was irresponsible, and I knew it... but I _needed_ her so much... and I still couldn't bring myself to do it.

It fucking _hurt_ to stop myself at this point... but, _fuck_!

"Please, Jacob..." she whispered, and then whined.

_Oh God, she fucking whined_.

It was a high pitched and desperate sound. And the need, fuck the _need_ in her voice when she begged and in that one high-pitched plea... it was my undoing.

Small hands against my chest, accompanied by a vision were what came next.

_Take me, I'm yours, _she whispered to me in her mind, followed by the most erotic thing I had ever seen in my whole life. A vision of her and I, here, on this bike, in the middle of the forest, me sliding into her, her back arching beneath me as she cried out into the night.

The animal in me roared. She wanted me, _me._

_Take. Mine. Take. Mine. Take._

I groaned... and gave in when I realized that it wasn't just _me_ that needed this.

_I love you, I need you, I love you, _thought as I pressed my chest into hers and planted my feet.

I leaned into her until she was lying flat with her back against the handle bars and slid my hands down her thighs to her knees, before wrapping her calves around my waist.

She brought her arms around my back and let her knees fall open, as wide as they would go, inviting me in.

I lowered my lips to her, taking her bottom one between mine, pressing the plump softness between my own, and slid my arms under her between her back and the handle bars, my hands curling around her shoulders.

I lifted my lips from hers until they were just barely touching, gently skimming across one another, and we were breathing each other's panted breaths.

I shifted my hips, felt myself line up with her entrance, and then slowly, slid into her heaven.

We both gasped in pleasure as our bodies came together inch by inch. It had never been like this before.

She was so hot and soft and _tight_. I pushed slowly but firmly against the amazing fucking pressure surrounding me. I could feel every millimetre of her soft, slick heat slide over me.

I felt like I was dipping into a warm pot of honey, but it was wrapping around me, everywhere. I'd never felt the inside of her body like this – the heat was hotter, the pressure seemed to drive deeper and the slickness of her...

_I swear to God, it was like everything in my world was sliding and locking into place. Everything God and Fate had planned was aligning. She was completing me in every sense of the word. I was far from perfect. I was flawed and fucked up. I'd made mistakes. But she wanted me, like this, with her, claiming her absolutely._

Slowly, nearly dying with the sensation of heat as I coated my hard aching length in _her_, I pushed... she pulled me in with her legs... until finally... _ugh, Godfuckingdamit..._ I was all the way in.

The sensation that coursed through me, at being buried in her body - her beautiful, warm, snug, wet body - was overwhelming.

Nothing else mattered. Nothing. It was just me and her. She was mine. _NO ONE _would ever feel this but me.

"Jacob," she mewled beneath me and then lifted her head to kiss me.

"Ness," I moaned back and then I began to move.

Heat flamed and flared from my length, all the way up and through my body with every slow and deep thrust. I wasn't taking it easy, I was driving as deep as I could go, trying to bury as much of my body within hers as possible. I kept my upper body wrapped firmly around hers, pulling her to me, squeezing her, needing to touch and claim as much of her as possible. The bike rocked beneath us with every movement.

I kissed her neck and cried out with pleasure, as did she, when she dug her heels into the backs of my thighs, pushing me farther forward, deeper, further, hotter, more... every millimetre of her that I touched inside was like a victory.

_Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, you belong to Jacob fucking Black, _I chanted to myself as I rocked us rhythmically, relentlessly.

My body was tense, the coil in my gut tightened almost to its breaking point, and I was aching, _aching_ to explode, but not without her. No, she would never be left wanting for _anything_, I would make sure of that.

"Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours..." I heard her whisper and whine as we rocked together. I wasn't sure if I was chanting out loud before, or if she had reversed her gift and was reading my thoughts, but she was answering my claim and submitting to it completely – and that was when I fell off the edge.

I growled loudly in satisfaction as I gripped her shoulders, dug my heels into the ground and thrust so hard that the bike rocked forward a good six inches under us.

"OH!" she cried and I felt her body quiver and tense around me.

The light quivering around my length sent the sweetest vibrations all the way through and so deep I swear I could feel it in my balls. But I groaned and grit my teeth, ignored the sharp tightening of my gut and thrust into her again, and again and again, even deeper and harder until finally, her thighs clamped down around my hips, her heels pressed into my ass, holding me firmly, keeping me buried deep within her as she arched her back, dug her nails into my shoulders, threw her head back and contracted around me so hard that I couldn't hold off any more.

"JACOB!" she cried out loudly.

"NESS!" I cried back and then froze, going rigid from head to toe as I felt the coil in my gut reach it's breaking point, snap, and everything that I had been holding inside, all of me, my love, my life, my very soul, seemed to pour out of me and into her. I saw blinding white light and lost all sense of anything else except _her_.

She gasped and flattened her palms. I shuddered and collapsed forward, gripping the handle bars for support so I didn't crush her, as I saw a vision of what it was like for her, to accept what I was giving her.

_Heat, and warmth and an overall feeling of overwhelming love_, crashed over her in waves as the warmth from me spread through her belly. I saw deep reds, vibrant yellows and gold swirl around a picture of us entwined together – it was joy, love and passion all rolled into one. I shook my head into her neck and kissed it softly, whispering I love you, over and over again.

When I finally came to my senses and realized that I still had Nessie, my beautiful girl, the most precious and important thing to me ever, laid over the handle bars of the bike. I leaned back slowly and pulled her up with me. I felt myself slip out of her and my heart dropped a bit at the loss of the connection. But it didn't matter. What mattered now was her. She gave me everything, all of herself, every single last piece and now I was going to take care of her.

I shifted her so that she was lying cradled in my arms and felt her snuggle up against my chest. I held her close and kissed her hair, her temples, her forehead and lips lightly until her eyes fluttered open to look at me.

"I love you," I whispered to her, "I love you so much."

I didn't know what else to say. She loved all of me tonight. She was incredible, and much, much more than I ever deserved.

"I love you too," she whispered back and then kissed my bare chest, right over my heart.

"Can you sit?" I managed to choke out. The alpha wolf was receding, after having staked his claim, and Jake, the softer, more protective side of me, was resurfacing. The immense amount of love and gratitude for what she had done for me tonight was crashing over me in strong waves.

I needed to take care of her. She took care of me, now I would give back ten-fold, as promised.

She nodded weakly and I shifted to sit her gently on the seat and slid off the bike. I grabbed my pants and tossed them on in a hurry, followed by my shoes, but left everything else where it was. I was covered enough to drive her home. That was all that mattered.

I gently picked her up from where she was sitting and held her in my arms as I straddled the bike once again. I tucked her into my shoulder and settled her on my lap. We were only about a half hour ride from the cottage, if we drove down the path through the woods.

"Rest, baby. I'm taking us home," I whispered as she tried to straighten herself out. I guess she wanted to ride on the back of the bike, but I couldn't let her do that. I needed to hold her and take care of her – starting right now.

She nodded weakly and settled in for the drive.

Both houses were dark when I drove up to the cottage. The Cullens were out hunting tonight, because all of the guests were coming in tomorrow for the rehearsal dinner, which gave us privacy.

I carried her in to the cottage and brought us straight to her bed. I undressed her slowly and carefully, and then rolled her over on her stomach gently to check her back and neck to make sure that she wasn't bruised. Her skin was soft, creamy and smooth, without a mark on it. She sighed when I pulled back the covers and settled her in on her pillow, nestling herself in for the night. I undressed quickly and settled in beside her, pulling her soft, warm body high into my chest, just like I had every night for months. I wrapped my arms around her and whispered how much I loved her in her ear as she drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

I didn't rest with her. I lay there and used my fingertips to stroke her cheek, her jaw, her arm, her hip and finally her belly, where I knew a piece of me was still with her, inside her. I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of _us_, into my lungs. The air around us was saturated with it. I had never felt more loved and honoured in my entire life.

I knew that what we'd done tonight had brought us closer, but I couldn't help but want her even more after that.

I loved her _so_ much.

She was perfect.

She was everything.

And she was _mine_.

**Thanks for reading.**

**~Hitchy**


	51. March 18th Part One

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 51 – March 18****th**** Part 1**

**Chapter Songs:**

**Thank You ~ Chris Cornell **(Led Zepplin cover) for Jake & Nessie's first dance

**In My Life ~ Dave Matthews **(Beatles cover) for Edward & Nessie's father/daughter dance

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.  
If mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all,

Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain, whispers of the pain,

Of tears of love lost in the days gone by. 

My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,  
Together we shall roam until we die.

Inspiration is what you are to me,

Inspiration, look and see.

And so today, my world it smiles,

Your hand in mine, we'll walk for miles,  
Thanks to you it will be done,

For you to me are the only one. 

Happiness, no more be sad, happiness...I am glad. 

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.  
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me. 

_Thank You ~ Chris Cornell (Led Zepplin cover)_

**RPOV**

"Ta-da!" Aunt Alice exclaimed as she breezed into my room in my parents' cottage. Within a matter of less than five seconds she pinned a loose curl at the back of my head, adjusted my veil because apparently my mom and Aunt Rosalie had put it on a half inch too low, left my shoes at my feet and was currently holding out a blue and white garter belt just inches from my face.

She'd been flying around like that, a blur of happy and focused activity, since the horrifying moment she found Jake and I cuddled together in sleep in my room at about 5:30 this morning. It was originally planned that we would spend the night apart, even though we both knew it wouldn't be easy. So to say that Aunt Alice was surprised to see us together in bed this morning was an understatement. Yesterday had been an interesting and emotional day for us. After the night of our bachelorette and bachelor parties, Jake was oddly quiet for most of the day, but highly focused on me. When I woke up, safe in his arms late yesterday morning, the first thing I saw was his face. He was awake, lying next to me, apparently just watching me sleep. He was oddly serious, and his eyes... his eyes spoke volumes about love and respect. He'd kissed me reverently, holding me closely and tenderly, loving my mouth with his without saying a word, for almost an hour. He made me breakfast, washed me in the shower, brushed and dried my hair for me and generally spent the entire day quietly hovering near me taking care of anything and everything I needed.

Jake had always taken care of me, but yesterday he took things to a whole new level. It was definitely out of character for him to be so quiet and attentive, but I didn't question him about it. I saw everything he needed to say with his eyes. He was thanking me for loving him in every single way possible with his actions instead of words. I told him, several times throughout the day, that I loved him, and tried to get him to understand that he didn't need to thank me, because I needed that night just as much as he did. But he wouldn't hear it. He just shook his head, told me to let him do what he needed to do, and continued doing everything he could to show me that he loved and appreciated me. That was just Jake. You would never hear him writing poetry or composing sonnets and songs about how much he loved me. He was a born 'do-er' and was at his best when working with his hands. So that's what he did. He just showed me he loved me... all day long. Every thought, every action, every word he uttered was for and about me, to show me how much he loved and appreciated me. By the end of the day I was nearly overcome by the sweetness and reverence of his actions. My heart was just so full of him, that after our rehearsal party, it actually hurt to let him go for the night. When we separated and he softly kissed me goodnight at the front door of my parents' cottage, I went straight inside and ended up crying onto my mother's shoulder for nearly half an hour, knowing that I would be away from him for the next sixteen hours.

Nights were always hardest for me. I still had nightmares, but they were manageable with Jake around. Having his warm, strong arms wrapped around me at night made me feel loved and protected in ways that nothing else could. My father was very curious and a bit confused about Jake's behaviour yesterday, and my mild breakdown when he left me last night. Thankfully, he had no idea what had transpired at the club, or what Jake's behaviour yesterday was all about, because Leah called my mother after we left the bar that night and warned her to keep my father out of our heads for the next couple of days. I thanked my mother quietly as she held me and consoled me in her arms after Jake left. She just smiled and said that everyone reserved the right to have private thoughts about and around their wedding day, and promised to do her best to keep my father 'covered' until Jake and I left for our honeymoon tonight after the reception. After a quiet couple of hours spent with my parents, pouring over baby photos and reminiscing about my short childhood I headed off to bed. My mom and dad both stayed in my room with me until I started to drift off and then promised to stay in the cottage, in their room, right next to mine, all night so that I could relax enough to sleep alone for the first time in months.

Apparently I fell asleep quickly and everything was fine for the first couple of hours, until I had one of my worst nightmares yet. I was hovering over an image of Jake and I, lying in the snow after he gave me his blood, but the scene was all wrong. Everyone around us was mourning and crying... because my father hadn't gotten Jake away from me in time. I'd gone too far... and there was no way to fix it. I remembered staring at the image of his cold, greyish and lifeless body dumbly... transfixed on the colour of his drained flesh because it was horrifyingly pale, but it seemed so real... as if I could reach out and touch it. And when it finally registered what I had done, I lost it. The next thing I remember was waking up, sitting bolt upright in my bed, petrified and screaming at the top of my lungs for Jake. My mother and father both rushed to me and were at my side within less than a second, but I didn't want or need to see them. They were telling me that it was just a dream, that it wasn't real, but I needed to see it for myself. I thrashed against their consolations and attempts to embrace me because I wanted to get up and find him... but I should have known I wouldn't need to. Within what felt like minutes, but in reality was probably only seconds, Jake was crashing through the front door of the cottage and nearly flew to my side. He said he heard me screaming for him from his room at the big house. I cried in his arms and kissed the skin of his naked chest and neck everywhere my lips could reach, without caring that my parents were there to witness it. When I had calmed down enough to be coherent my mom and dad quietly slipped out of the room, leaving me with Jake, while I begged him not to go back to the big house. I knew it was tradition for the bride and groom not to see each other the night before the wedding, but I really couldn't be bothered with that. We'd broken just about every rule or and ignored every convention up until that point in our relationship, what was wrong with breaking one more? Jake didn't say anything in response to my pleas for him to stay. He just pulled back the covers on my bed, slid in and pulled me down with him, into my favourite spot, huddled high into his chest, with his arms wrapped around me. I relaxed instantly and within minutes I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Needless to say, Aunt Alice was none too pleased to find us there this morning, still wrapped up in each other, but she did what she does best and problem solved. She slipped a blindfold over Jake's eyes so that he wouldn't technically 'see' me, and kicked him out of my room at quarter to six in the morning after giving us a few minutes to say goodbye to each other for the next few hours. I have to say, goodbye kisses are interesting when one of the people are blindfolded. I may have taken advantage of that for a few minutes until Aunt Alice knocked on the door and threatened Jake with bodily harm if he didn't leave immediately.

"Alice, let her do it," my mother said with traces of both exasperation and humour in her voice.

I glanced down to find my Aunt Alice hovering near my left leg with the garter, obviously ready to slip it on for me. My mother was right, she didn't need to. My dress was completely straight, not full in the slightest. I could easily do it myself. I shook my head and leaned down to pluck the garter from Aunt Alice's hand while listening to her tell me that it was my something borrowed and blue. As I shimmied it up my left thigh my mother mentioned that Alice had also lent the same garter to her on her wedding day. The thought that it had already been on two women, who were both madly in love and beyond happy in their marriages, made me smile. I adjusted it so that it was comfortable, slipped on my shoes and then stepped toward the full length mirror in the corner to look myself over, as I was finally done.

"What do you think?" Aunt Alice whispered as I looked myself over silently while my mother stood off to the side, quietly crying non-existent tears and told me that I was beautiful. Truth be told, I actually got a bit of a happy chill when I saw the finished product. My dress was perfection. It was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline, fitted throughout the waist and hips and flowed straight down and gracefully to the floor. It was silk, covered with chiffon to soften it. The chiffon was ruched on top, and gathered at my left hip with a sparkling silver broach. But the best feature of the dress was the floor to mid-thigh split than ran up almost my entire left leg. It wasn't visible when I was standing still because the material of the dress fell straight to the floor and only opened at the slit when I walked.

"She'd better be thinking that she's gorgeous," Aunt Rosalie said with a smile. "That dog's not going to know what hit him," she said playfully and then winked while fluffing my curly hair, which swept to the side and pinned to hang over my right shoulder.

I smiled and shook my head at her before glancing down over my dress to my four inch, gladiator style, bejewelled heels and nodded in agreement.

"I _feel_ gorgeous," I admitted quietly. Truthfully I was a bit overwhelmed by own my appearance. It wasn't as though I hadn't expected to be made up and feel pretty, but seeing everything together just made the day finally seem very _real. _

"I'd say exquisite is probably a better word to describe you."

I inhaled a small gasp and felt my eyes well up with tears as they met with my father's light gold ones in the mirror. His face was pulled up into his famous half-smile, and his jaw was tight with emotion. He hadn't seen my dress yet. No one but me, my mom and my aunt's had.

He entered the room and made his way to me slowly, followed by my Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle.

"You look... magnificent. I..." my father paused, swallowed and shook his head slightly. "There are no words, Renesmee," he whispered as he brushed my arm lightly with his fingertips and then lightly grasped my hand in his.

A stray tear escaped one of my eyes, even though I tried hard to hold them back. Aunt Alice thrust a Kleenex at me and reprimanded both me and my father, saying that the ceremony was going to start in ten minutes and that didn't give her enough time to redo any of my make-up.

My father brushed the tear from my cheek with his fingers while I lightly dabbed at my eyes with the Kleenex to soak up the excess moisture, carefully avoiding Aunt Alice's light, but perfectly applied cosmetics.

"He's right darling, you look simply divine," Grandpa Carlisle said after walking closer and giving me a light kiss on the cheek. I smiled and returned his kiss before turning toward my grandmother, who was standing next to him.

"I have something for you," she said quietly and held out a long, flat rectangular box. "Alice mentioned that you needed something old. This is mine. Carlisle gave it to me on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, almost fifty years ago."

I opened the box to find a glittering and gorgeous platinum set tennis bracelet. I gasped and fingered the small sparkling stones lightly.

"Both Alice and I thought it would go well with your dress. It's made to fit a bit bigger, so you can choose to wear it on your wrist or ankle, if you'd like," she murmured.

"Oh, Grandma, I love it. Thank you," I whispered as I lifted it from its box. I draped it over my right wrist and my grandmother helped me secure the clasp. I knew it would go perfectly with Jake's mom's earrings and the diamond solitaire necklace he gave me last night as a wedding present.

I hugged and thanked both her and my grandfather before Aunt Alice piped up from behind us.

"It's time," she chirped and ushered everyone but my father and I out of the room.

I walked over to my dresser and picked up my bouquet from where it had been sitting. It was simple, just white roses bound together with white silk and chiffon to match my dress. The only embellishments were the few clear crystals interspersed throughout the bouquet, in keeping with the sparkling icy theme I'd requested. My father's boutonniere caught the light when I turned toward him. It was made up of a single white rose, wrapped at the base with tiny dark blue crystals. All of the flowers for the wedding were white roses. The girls bouquets were smaller versions of mine, wrapped in blue satin ribbon to match their dresses and infused with small, dark blue crystals instead of clear ones. Jake was the only one to have clear crystals wrapped around the base of his rose boutonniere, to match mine.

"Are you ready?" my father asked with a smile while holding out his elbow.

I took it, returned his smile and nodded.

"I've never been more ready for anything in my whole life," I stated happily.

I felt oddly calm and not at all nervous like most brides claim to feel on their wedding day. I knew how badly I wanted this and felt nothing but excitement bubble up in my stomach as my father led me through the door of the cottage and across the back lawn, toward the large glass doors of the living room in the big house. I smiled as I looked around and felt the ice and snow crunch beneath my feet. Forks and the surrounding area had been hit by a very rare snow and ice rain storm last night. Everything around, from the house, to the lawn to the branches on trees, was covered in snow and a thin sheet of ice. During the rare moments when the sun peeked through the clouds, everything outside caught and refracted the light. It was the perfect backdrop to our ceremony and reception, and just one more indication that Fate was intervening on behalf of Jake and I. There was certainly no other way this peninsula would have been hit with a snow and ice storm like this in the middle of March.

My bridesmaids, Rachel and Leah and my maid of honour, Olivia along with Jake and all his groomsmen, were already inside and in their places. The girls got ready at their own respective houses this morning because the cottage just wasn't big enough for everyone, and the men were getting ready at the big house with Jake.

Layers of soft, gauzy white fabric draped across the inside of the glass doors obscured the room from view, so that Jake wouldn't be able to see me as I approached. I took a deep breath when my father and I stopped in front of the double doors, and let it out when I saw the glass and fabric begin to shift.

The door opened to reveal the perfect vision of what I wanted for our small and intimate wedding. The entire room, from the furniture, to the guest's chairs, and even the piano that Aunt Rosalie was expertly playing Pachabel's Canon on, was gleaming white, shimmering and perfect.

I took all of half a second to survey it, as the sheer light brilliance of soft white roses and sparkling clear crystals hanging everywhere and adorning everything assaulted my sense of sight. I didn't linger on that though. I couldn't. My attention was immediately drawn past the few rows of guests rising to greet me, up the white aisle runner, and straight to the end of the aisle.

My breath caught, and a lump of joy leapt up into my throat as I took in the sight of Jacob, my soon to be _husband, _waiting at the end of the aisle to receive me. He was so incredibly handsome in his black suit, fitted perfectly around his muscular frame. His large hands were clasped together in front of him, and in the moment my eyes met his, he stood stock still. I heard his breath catch from where I stood, and smiled. His face, which had been set into his familiar grin slowly slid down into an expression of severe seriousness. His jaw was set, but worked just slightly with emotion. His eyes were like dark pools again, beckoning me forward, calling me to go to him, fall into them, and just love him, with all my heart and soul, for the rest of my life.

With that, I smiled brightly, clutched my father's elbow a tiny bit tighter and we began to make our way forward. Neither Jake nor I broke our gaze, speaking silently to each other through our eyes as I approached him. I didn't rush, didn't hurry. I wanted to enjoy this moment, and savour it, knowing that it was the beginning of our eternity.

When we reached the top of the aisle my father turned toward me and took my hand in his. With a smile and a tightness in his eyes that told me there would be tears if he could shed them, he leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on my forehead. I smiled widely at the gesture – because this was _our_ little kiss, the one tiny gesture from my father to his little girl that began as a tradition the day I was born and continued on until today.

I squeezed his hand.

_I love you, daddy, _I sent him in a whisper.

"I know," he whispered back, before swallowing thickly and turning to face Jake. In keeping with tradition, for once, my father shook Jacob's hand before placing my hand in his. He turned to face us both equally before murmuring quietly under his breath so only we could hear.

"Take care of each other. Bella and I love you both, very much."

I was too overwhelmed to say anything at that point, but Jake nodded with a small smile, still facing me, eyes never leaving mine, and whispered his response.

"We plan on it... and thank you."

With that, my father took his seat and Sam Uley took over, calling the guests to attention and getting the ceremony underway. I was glad that Aunt Alice took some time to debrief me on the ins and outs of our blended traditional and Quileute ceremony because during the actual event I found that I couldn't focus on a word that Sam was saying. I simply followed along, keeping my eyes locked on Jake's, giving responses when I was cued to, but not really paying attention.

I was too focused on what I was _feeling_ at the time. Our connection, that warm, magnetic pull we had toward each other, felt like it had deepened to a different magnitude the moment my father placed my hand in Jake's. It ran deep through my skin, into my bones, flowed in blood from my head to my toes, and consumed me completely. It was pulsating and charged and so strong, that it literally felt like I was exploding with it. I wouldn't have been surprised if the guests could feel it too. I knew from the look in his eyes that Jake felt it. I was awestruck, and it looked like he was too.

With reverence and more than a little humility, I repeated the same set of vows with Jake that I heard Seth and Olivia say to each other just three and half short months ago. I was officially becoming a member of Jacob's tribe with our ceremony today with these very vows. I knew that no one in the history of his people or mine, would have guessed that a union like ours would be possible. I felt extremely honoured to be joining his extended family.

When our Quileute vows were complete we moved on to the traditional American ones. We decided to include both in our ceremony, as a symbol of me joining his world, and him joining mine. Grandpa Carlisle took over for Sam from there, officiating the traditional vows for us. We both listened to his questions and answered them quietly but firmly with 'I do's'.

When it came time to exchange rings, I reluctantly tore my eyes away from Jake's to turn toward Olivia, who held his large ring around her tiny thumb. She reached to grab it with her other hand at the same moment that Grandpa Carlisle asked for Jake's ring, but fumbled because of her bouquet. The ring fell from her grasp and ended up on the floor with a loud and resounding 'clink' ringing out over the ceremony as it hit the ground.

I heard a general chuckle from the crowd and then a loud one from Jake just behind me before one of the younger pack boys answered Grandpa Carlisle's request from his seat.

"She has to run and get it first!" he shouted out playfully.

Jake winked at me, with his million dollar smile in place, as a red-faced Olivia quickly scooted down the aisle a few feet to the ring, picked it up and brought it back.

I gave her my brightest smile and a wink of my own to let her know that it was ok and she didn't have to be embarrassed, before taking the large, plain silver band from her as she mumbled apologies. I waved them off and turned back toward Jake.

My grandfather smiled and raised his eyebrows once before asking me to repeat after him.

"I, Renesmee Carlie Cullen, take you Jacob Ephraim Black, to be my husband."

I smiled and bit my lip against my emotions as my grandfather delivered the next set of lines. I rubbed the back of his warm hand with my thumb, as the ring hovered over the tip of his third finger on his left hand, and fell in love with the glimmer in his eyes that appeared when I called him 'husband' for the first time.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; all the days of my life," I finished and slid the ring on, right over his new tattoo. Jake decided that since he couldn't wear his wedding ring all the time, because it would get broken and injure him if he phased with it on, he would have a band in the same design as a Quileute promise bracelet tattooed onto his ring finger. Seth got one done at the same time, and apparently all of the other married wolves were considering getting them too. I cried when he showed it to me yesterday. It was beautiful, and such a thoughtful gesture. He said he did it because he always wanted the world to know he was mine.

He flexed his fingers a bit after the ring was all the way on and smiled at me while Seth made a show of very carefully handing my ring to Jake, getting another small laugh out of the crowd.

When he turned back toward me with it his eyes were shining with happiness, love and so much hope, that I thought my heart would explode from taking it all in.

Once again my grandfather delivered the age old lines to repeat.

"I, Jacob Ephraim Black, take you, Renesmee Carlie Cullen, to be my wife."

He paused after the last word and sucked in a deep breath. I watched as his chest puffed out a bit and his shoulders pulled back just enough to let me know that he said the words with pride.

_Oh, Jake..._

My heart caught in my throat as he continued and the first of my happy tears fell as he slipped my wedding band onto my finger and promised to love me with every breath that he had.

"You may now kiss the bride," my grandfather announced quietly, as our joined hands fell between us.

Ever so slowly, Jake leaned forward and cupped my cheek in his right hand. My eyes fluttered closed automatically and I leaned into the warmth of his palm. Then, in a perfect replica of our first kiss, my eyes fluttered open a bit, we breathed each other's breath for just a second or two... and then his lips were on mine. Our eyes closed together, once more and just as I had the first time, I laid my right hand over his on my face and placed my left on his chest over his heart. The only difference this time, was that his left hand covered mine, our rings making a tiny and muted clink as they rubbed against each other and we kissed the sweetest and most ardent kiss we ever had.

We broke apart to the sounds of whistles, chuckles and applause. Jake shook his head as I blushed before my grandfather proceeded with the ceremony.

We signed the certificate next and as Seth and Olivia took their turns signing I moved my engagement ring back to my left hand, nestling it together with its matching band. I took a minute to admire the beauty of it together and remember the moment Jake described why he picked them for me. Jake must have noticed what I was doing, because I felt his warm hand clasp mine as I wiggled my finger in the light. He raised them to his lips and kissed them softly, before winking at me and weaving our fingers together tightly.

Before I knew it we were standing together in front of our family and friends still hand in hand with my grandfather standing proudly behind us.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. & Mrs. Jacob and Nessie Black!"

I smiled at my grandfather's use of my common name. It was tradition to use formal names in that kind of announcement, but he knew I liked the name Jake had given me most.

We walked down the aisle, hand in hand to the applause of our friends and family and made our way out to the backyard for a few minutes alone together, while the rest of the guests munched on hors d'oeuvres and chatted in the foyer and the catering company set the living room up with the few tables, linens and decorations needed for the reception.

For a few seconds we just stood hand in hand in the snow, staring at each other with goofy smiles on our faces, until I couldn't take it anymore and I burst out with a joyous giggle, threw my arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. He hugged me back, but didn't squeeze me as much as he usually would.

I felt his lips kiss the sweet spot behind my ear that I loved so much before he pulled away and slid me softly to the ground.

He kept hold of one of my hands and stepped back, leaving my arm outstretched and about three feet of space between.

"Ness," he breathed as he dragged his eyes slowly up from my toes, "my God, baby. Look at you."

I smiled shyly and felt my head lower in a bit of a blush. He was staring at me like a parched man would stare at a tall glass of water in a dessert. It was desperate, it was hungry, it was needy... and it was all kinds of hot.

"You like?" I asked and did a little twirl under his hand, being sure to let my skirt bellow out enough for him to see the effect of the slit running up the side.

He growled and pulled me to him gently.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. _Like _is not the word, Mrs. Black," he rumbled. My breath hitched at the sound of my new mane.

_Mrs. Black. I'm Mrs. Jacob Black. _

_Oh my God._

I smiled at him and looked straight into his eyes.

"You're looking pretty good yourself there, _husband _of mine," I whispered and ran my hands along the lapels of his tux. His eyes lit up with pleasure at the sound of me calling him my husband, just as I hoped they would. His strong hands settled on my hips and pulled me in for a heated kiss.

His mouth pulled and captured mine slowly but deeply as our tongues slipped against each other, tasting, sliding, caressing deeply. I whimpered a bit as I felt my body begin to heat up. My belly stirred and my hands gripped Jake's lapel. He moaned and pressed the evidence of his desire against my hip before slowly leaning into me and dipping my upper half down with him, while his hand wandered down over my hip, to the top my thigh, and then found the bare skin of my leg just a few inches lower. His fingers smoothed over my skin as he pulled away and then slid them down, before grasping his hand behind my knee and hitching it up over his hip.

"Fuck, baby..." he murmured as he kissed my neck softly and my eyes rolled back in my head. "This dress is... mmmm..." he trailed off and then attacked my neck some more.

"We're ready –," I heard Leah call out from the doors and then mutter an exasperated, "Oh for the love of..."

Jake shook his head and chuckled into my neck before kissing my jaw and then my lips once more, and straightening us up.

Seth appeared at the door behind her, laughing loudly.

"Hey, you two, these curtains don't block as much as you think! You should get in here before Alice blows a gasket. She's already mumbling about caterers and meal times."

I blushed at the thought of practically everyone we knew getting an eyeful of just how much Jake appreciated my dress, but Jake just laughed it off.

"Hey, I'm not apologizing for it. We're married. I'm the only guy on the planet who's _allowed_ to enjoy this that much."

I shook my head and lightly slapped the back of my hand across his chest once for good measure, before pulling out the tiny tube of lip gloss Aunt Alice had slipped behind the back of the ribbon to my bouquet. I reapplied it quickly and checked my hair in the reflection of the glass window. Once I was sure that I didn't look like someone who'd just been mauled I put my hand in Jake's outstretched one and we made our way inside.

We were immediately greeted with hugs and congratulations from everyone, starting with my mom and dad and then everyone else.

I smiled at the look on Uncle Jasper's face when he came to greet us with a happy, but anxious Aunt Alice in tow.

"Jacob," he said with his southern drawl and shook his hand, "congratulations."

"Thanks, Jasper."

My uncle turned to me then, but didn't release Jake's hand, while taking one of my own. He smiled and then I was suddenly overwhelmed with an overpowering sense of love and joy. It was so strong that I choked up on it a bit, and felt my breath leave me in a surprised huff, the same time that Jake's left him.

"Uncle Jasper," I managed to croak out, "what is that?"

He chuckled under his breath and pulled the emotion back so that both Jake and I could breathe again. Jake looked at me with wide eyes, and then back at Jasper for an explanation.

"That was you," he said softly. "That has been radiating off of the two of you since your father handed you off, sugar. It's amazing... quite powerful."

"I'll say," Jake said with a shake of his head and an amazed smile.

"People can say what they want about things, but there's no denying that, is there?" my uncle said with a small smile.

I shook my head 'no' and thanked him quietly.

Aunt Alice didn't waste any time, throwing one arm over my shoulder and another one around Jake's waist, pulling us both in for a brief hug.

She released us quickly, chirped her congratulations and kissed my cheek before winking at Jake and whispering 'you're welcome' and walking away.

Jake turned to look at me with a slightly confused expression.

"Aunt Alice chose the dress. I told her what I wanted... but she picked the final product."

He shook his head with a smirk.

"I should've known. Remind me to get that Pixie something really nice while we're away."

I laughed and promised him I would.

We were ushered into the living room for the reception not too long afterwards. I smiled as Jake and I made our way to our table through what could only be described as a winter wonderland. The outer edges of the room were adorned with dozens of leafless trees, all covered in white bark and twinkling fairy lights. Each table was covered in white on white linens, plates and crystal goblets. In the centre of each guest table was a large clear crystal vase, stuffed with white willow branches that were decorated with dozens of clear and blue dangling crystals. Around the base of each vase was a ring of votive candles, which cast light on each and every crystal, sending the reflections dancing around the whole room. The ceiling was even draped in billows of white gauzy fabric, with fairy lights strung through them, making it look like puffy white clouds and stars in the sky.

"Okay... make that several nice things for sprite while we're gone," mumbled Jake under his breath.

I caught my aunt's eye from across the room as I sat at my table, and whispered that it was beautiful and I loved it. She just smiled her signature Aunt Alice smile, waved it off, and started directing waiters to circulate drinks.

After a short, but filling meal, for the wolves, the humans and me at least, and speeches that made us laugh, cry and blush – yes, even Jake blushed at one of Embry's childhood memories – we were ready to dance for the first time as husband and wife.

As Jake took my hand and led me to the middle of the room I couldn't help but blush at the memory of the last time we danced. Luckily I remembered just in time to save him from asking me about my blush, that I should ask him about the music. Since I didn't have a lot of time to spend on details for the wedding I allowed Jake to take over the music selection for the evening. I thought we'd choose our first song together, but he said he had something in mind that he thought I'd like, so I told him to go with it and surprise me.

Just then the first few notes of a familiar song, played in an entirely new way, began playing in the room.

I gasped at first, remembering the day almost an entire year ago that I heard the original version of this song on Jake's iPod and told him I loved the lyrics to it.

"Jake... is this what I think it is?" I asked in a whisper as he pulled me closer to him and swayed in time with the music.

"Yeah," he whispered back, "I found a modern cover of the original. Do you like it?"

I smiled through the tears pooling in my eyes. The song was a beautiful dedication from a man to a woman, who tells her that he'll love her until the earth crumbles and beyond.

"You know I love it, Jake. Thank you," I said quietly, while staring into the eyes of the man I loved more than anything.

"For you, baby. From me to you. I love you, Ness," he murmured and then pressed his lips to mine in a soft, slow and reverent kiss.

Cameras flashed and women 'ooh'd and aww'd' as we kissed, until one of the guys whistled and before we knew it, the song started to come to its close.

"I love you Jacob Black. With all of my heart," I breathed as the last note played.

"I love you too, _wife,_" he murmured with a goofy grin and then stepped aside for my father, who was waiting to dance with me just a few feet away near the edge of the dance floor.

I released Jake, who went to stand with Grandpa Charlie and his wife Sue, along with Sam, Emily and few of the other wolves to watch us dance.

I smiled as my father approached and we stepped into position, and felt my smile widen at his song choice. It was another modern cover, this one of a song that my father used to play on the piano for me when I was very young, and then one we played as a duet, with him on piano and me on guitar as I got older. He always told me that the lyrics were a perfect description of how he felt about being my father.

I grasped his hand as he guided me gracefully around the floor, in the timeless way that only my father can, and opened up my connection to him.

_I love you, Dad. Thank you for this._

He startled a bit. He was under the impression that my mom was keeping him guarded from me for the entire night.

_I asked her to let me in when we had our dance and I held your hand. _

_Ah, _he thought and then wondered if I could hear him too.

I smiled and nodded, then laughed at his brief feeling of unease.

_Very funny, Renesmee,_ he thought dryly, _I'm not used to being on this end of it. It's a bit unnerving at times._

_Tell me about it._

I rolled my eyes with a smile and then eyed him carefully as I digested the bittersweet thoughts he shut down the second he realized I could hear him.

_It's not goodbye, daddy,_ I whispered to him softly.

_I know,_ he responded immediately, _it's the beginning of so much happiness for you, Renesmee_. _I'm just feeling a bit... nostalgic today. I've heard it's normal for the father of the bride, so I won't make excuses for it, _he thought with a smile.

_Daddy..., _I thought, and then paused, trying to sort out my thoughts and get them to him in the right order as quickly as I could. His face softened before I even got it together... but I wanted him to hear it anyway.

_Just because I'm starting a new life with Jake, doesn't mean it's the end of my life with you and mom. It's just the beginning of a new path. I know we'll be living apart for the next little while, but you'll still be with me – always. _

I looked him straight in the eye for the next part, delivering it with fervour and all the love I had for my father.

_You'll always be my daddy, and I'll always need you._

He smiled and nodded.

_As I'll always need you, my love, _he responded and kissed my forehead one last time, before the song ended and he released me.

After that, the night became a blur of dances. I was passed from my grandfather, to my uncles, to almost every one of the boys in Jake's pack and then did a few faster numbers with the girls.

I was in the middle of a dance with Brady, when Jake stole me away for a break.

We made our way over to the side of the room and quietly observed the party around us, as he held me with my back to his chest, arms around my waist, and head resting on top of my hair. After a couple of minutes in comfortable silence I noticed Rachel looking around the room, searching through the small crowd and making her way for the doors.

I knew that was my cue and squeezed Jake's hand tightly in mine before launching into my explanation about something he might not be too happy with me for.

"Jake?" I asked quietly, to get his attention.

"Hmmm?" he answered before kissing my hair lightly.

"Follow me," I requested, and untangled myself from his arms, to lead him across the room and to the doors by his hand.

"What's out there, Ness?" he asked as I opened the door.

I didn't answer, just pulled him out with me and shut the glass door behind me, effectively separating us from the party, but leaving us within ear shot of the others in case this ended badly.

I saw as Rachel hesitantly stepped around the corner of the house, covered with a thick white shawl over her long blue, strapless dress, pulling my surprise of sorts behind her.

I squeezed Jake's trembling hand in my own as a low growl rumbled from the centre of his chest.

_Please, Jake. We'll only get married once... and he __**wanted **__to be here. Please... don't be upset, _I pled with him, glancing back and forth between his tense profile and Rachel's worried face.

It was quiet for almost a full minute, before Jake nodded his head once at his sister and then spoke. His voice was tense and gravelly, but his volume was low and controlled.

"Paul."

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**Part Two and Paul, up next.**

**~Hitchy**


	52. March 18th Part Two

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 52 – March 18****th**** Part 2**

**Chapter Songs: **

**Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman ~ Bryan Adams **(because I'm Canadian, and Bryan rocks, lol) for Jake and Nessie's dance

**Brown Eyed Girl ~ Van Morrison **for bouquet and garter tosses

**JPOV**

It was, without a doubt, the best day of my life. I woke up in the morning with Nessie in my arms and a blindfold over my eyes. Under normal circumstances I would have been mad at Alice for that one, but almost ten minutes of being kissed by the most beautiful woman in the world while wearing that blindfold definitely made up for it. We hadn't tried anything out of the ordinary together as far as our sex life went, except for a couple of nights ago on the bike, and I didn't think either of us would want to do anything drastic in that department... but that blindfold may have made its way into my pocket when I left the cottage this morning. And it may or may not have made its way straight into the bag that I packed for our honeymoon when I got back to the big house with it.

I was definitely not your typical groom. I wasn't nervous or anxious at all; I was happy and excited to get the day started. I went to La Push to meet with the guys first thing in the morning. My groomsmen, Seth, Embry and Quil met me in the woods for a good run. It felt good to stretch my legs in my wolf form and listen to the banter between the guys. All of their thoughts were focused on mine and Nessie's wedding later that day, especially mine. I couldn't get my mind off the fact that today was the day I would officially make her mine, in every sense of the word. Nothing could distract me from that for longer than a few seconds. They teased me for it – a lot. But I knew they were just being guys, doing what guys do best. Deep down under all of the comments about me being 'pussy whipped' and jokes about a little redhead 'owning their alpha's ass' – which, admittedly, she did – I could hear their quiet acknowledgements about how happy they were for me. Every single one of us knew that the day a wolf married the person they were put on this planet for was second to none. I thanked them for their support and for standing behind me today, especially Seth as my best man. There weren't that many people in the world that could understand the kind of devotion I have toward Nessie, but these guys were all included in that group, and they all accepted it, and were happy for me. By the time we were done our run, I was relaxed, happy and completely focused on the day ahead of me. It was a great way to spend a few hours.

We made it back to the res around noon where Seth's mom, Sue, and Charlie had a lunch ready for us at Seth and Olivia's house. Sue had moved in with Charlie after they got married, leaving Leah and Seth to live in the house they grew up in. When Seth returned from Alaska with a wife and a baby on the way Leah decided to move into Bella's old room at Charlie and Sue's to give the newlyweds some privacy. Leah and Olivia were both getting ready for the wedding at what was now Seth and Olivia's house. Sue came along to help and fix us boys, and an increasingly hungry Olivia, a huge buffet of food to tide us over until the meal at the reception.

After we'd finished eating, the guys and I went up to the Cullen's to get ready. It was now completely empty, except for the things that were needed for the wedding. The Cullens were leaving for their new home in Alaska in the early hours of the morning, right after the clean up from the wedding had been taken care of.

I don't remember much about getting ready, just that I was dressed and ready to go in plenty of time, which none of my men failed to razz me about. I didn't really care though. I was happy and more than eager to get the show on the road.

When the time finally came and I was standing at the top of the aisle in a white room filled with our families and a few friends, I was so excited that I was almost jumpy. I remember shifting my feet from side to side as I saw the faint outline of Nessie, walking toward the house, on her father's arm through the curtains. I remember Seth shaking his head at my fidgeting. I have to admit that it was really out of character for me, but I just couldn't help it. I was too excited to care about how eager I looked at the moment, and to be honest, I didn't really care if people noticed. I was head over heels crazy in love with Nessie, and everyone in that room knew it. I couldn't wait for her to get to me so that I could marry her and make her mine. Nessie paused for a second or two with her dad, right outside the doors and I bounced on my toes a tiny bit in anticipation. I remember Seth muttering a joke under his breath at that point...

"Bolt the doors, the groom's gonna make a run for it!"Seth exclaimed. I laughed and shook my head.

"Not on your life, brother,"I answered honestly, and felt my face settle in to a grin when I noticed the door shift and begin to open.

I took a deep breath, and locked my eyes on her form as I prepared myself for my first look at my bride. I'd heard from just about every guy I knew that it was a moment I'd want to lock into my memory forever. That first glimpse of your woman, dressed in her best, coming to meet you from the end of the aisle, ready to give herself to you for the rest of your lives, was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of the day. It was definitely the most anticipated. I had absolutely no clue what to expect as far as Nessie's dress went. She was really tight lipped about it. I hadn't pressed her for details much. I kind of liked the idea of a surprise. Knowing her aunts and the kind of money the Cullens had to spend, the possibilities were endless. I knew that whatever it was, she would look beautiful in it. She made anything and everything look good. I must have imagined at least a dozen different possibilities in my head as I thought about this moment for the past week, and I loved every one of them.

So, like I said, I _thought_ I was prepared for that moment. But, let me be the first to assure you, that I was a fool to think I could ever be prepared for the sight of my bride, standing on her father's arm, smiling at me radiantly from across the room.

She looked like an angel. Like God had literally lost one of his own, and I was the lucky son-of-a-bitch who found her and got to take care of her for Him. I was awestruck. She was exquisite. I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but there was just no other word to describe her beauty at that moment. Aphrodite herself couldn't hold a candle to my girl. Legends could and should be written about how she looked that day, with her glowing, soft peachy skin, her sparkling brown eyes dancing with love and happiness, a smile that could light up a room, and her dress... God, _that dress_. It was long and white, which I knew to expect... but the rest... I just... it was just... the style of it was just so _perfect_. I'd expected something a bit more elaborate, or innocent, even. But this... this was beyond my wildest expectations and would definitely be featured in some of my wildest dreams from that moment on.

It was fitted to every one of her perfect curves. Her shoulders were bare and I could just see a hint of cleavage at the top of her dress. It was, straight, and seemingly very simple with only one large silver broach on the side... until she walked. And when she took that first step... I was a done. She must have known how much I'd love the slit on the side of that skirt. I could see a glimpse of her leg, from her feet, all the way up to just inches from her hip, every time she moved.

I wasn't smiling after seeing her like that. I was probably wearing the most serious expression I'd ever worn in my whole life. Because I was so in love with this perfect woman, this beautiful angel, and I couldn't believe that she was walking down the aisle to marry me. And I would make sure that she'd never regret it, not even for a second.

When we'd said our vows, and she called me 'husband' for the first time, I smiled. I couldn't help myself. I was dying to be that for her, to be the one she depended on, the one responsible for making her every wish and dream come true. And the pride I felt when I first called her my wife... _my wife_... it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I felt taller, bigger and literally filled with pride from my head to toes. I felt more honoured and important than I ever had in my whole life. Even being named leader of my pack, and chief of my entire tribe didn't measure up with this one. This beautiful and woman, mind, body and soul, was mine to love every day from then until eternity. _Nothing _could compare to that.

Everything seemed to pass by in a bit of a blur after that. I practically mauled her outside after her grandfather announced us, and then we were being congratulated by everyone, we ate, heard speeches and danced. It was a great party. I don't think anyone, anywhere would ever have predicted that a wedding between a vampire and werewolf's families could go off without a hitch, but it did. Everything was perfect.

Well, perfect until Nessie and I took a break, that is. I guided her over to an empty corner of the room, and just held her. I had my arms wrapped around her waist and my chin resting in her hair, trying to wrap my head around the fact that this was _our _wedding we were staring at. The past week had gone by so quickly, and it just really... _hit_ me all of a sudden... that from this day on, we'd be beside each other, always. For the first time in my life I felt totally and completely at peace and just – happy.

I was a little surprised when Nessie wiggled out of my arms and started guiding me toward the back door. When I glanced down at her face to judge her expression I could see that she was a bit anxious about something and wondered if maybe she had another surprise planned. She pretty much confirmed that she did when I asked her what was out there and she didn't reply, so I was happy to let her take the reins and lead me to wherever she wanted me to go...

I froze dead in my tracks when I saw my sister Rachel outside, though. That feeling of happiness and peace from just a minute before disappeared pretty damn quickly when she revealed the presence of the one person I had specifically _un_-invited to the wedding. Paul would have been one of my groomsmen, opposite my sister Rachel, but after everything that had happened, I asked Quil to take his place. I didn't want him anywhere near what was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. Apparently Paul, Rachel and even Nessie had other ideas about that.

To say that I was unhappy to see him would have been an understatement. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why Nessie would want to see him either. After the way he hurt her, and the things he said about her and us, she had every right not to want to see his ugly mug ever again. But there she was, _surprising _me with a visit from him on our wedding day. I had to give her and my sister credit. They were smart. I'd kicked him off of the reservation, so he couldn't set foot on any of the land in La Push, but the Cullen's house wasn't in La Push, so he could approach us there. They'd gotten around my orders on a technicality. Now, all that was left was to figure out _why._

Nessie and Rachel must have processed my negative reaction to their surprise pretty quickly, because Rachel immediately looked anxious and Nessie started to explain that Paul had said he _wanted _to come. I didn't doubt that. He was clinging to Rachel's hand like a lifeline. I knew it had been several days since they'd seen each other. And it really wouldn't have bothered me that he was so miserable without her, if he was with anyone but Rachel. I was going to tell him to leave... until I saw the look on her face. It was pretty obvious that she missed him more than she'd let on. And I couldn't ignore the fact that she was holding on to him just as tightly as he was with her. I was hurting my sister... and I hated it.

So I nodded at her, instead of telling him to fuck off, like I wanted to. It was my way of silently letting her know that I was ok with him being there – for her. I just hoped like hell that he remembered his place or at least his fucking manners, because if he said _anything_ to upset my wife on our wedding day I was going to make sure it was the last time we saw him. I'd give him this one chance to prove himself, and that was it.

I managed to calm my temper to the point that I could spit his name out, but that was it. I wasn't prepared to deal with him, or any of his shit, and I was having more than a little trouble getting used to the idea that he was choosing our wedding day, of all days, to pay us any kind of visit.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed some movement from just inside the double doors that led back to the reception. I immediately recognized the outlined forms of Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Sam, Seth and even Leah on the other side of the glass. I relaxed a bit after that. If Paul was going to cause problems he was going to have a lot more than me to deal with.

"What do you want?" I managed to grind out between my teeth.

Paul grimaced at my tone, but was smart enough to hide any other negative reaction before answering.

"I came to congratulate you and Nessie," he muttered in an even and level tone.

I scoffed a bit under my breath, wondering if it was his wife or mine that put him up to it.

"Well, thanks. You've done it. Now if you'll excuse us, we have_ invited_ guests to get back to," I said through gritted teeth. I turned to my sister and nodded once again.

"You don't have to stick around Rach, we're good," I mumbled under my breath. I turned to leave then, happy to accept his forced congratulations and leave my sister to her husband. But apparently Nessie had other plans. I felt the small hand joined with mine tighten its grip as I attempted to leave.

_Jake... wait._

Shit. I stopped and grit my teeth again, then turned around to face Nessie.

_Can you hear me right now? _I asked silently.

_Yes, _she replied, _but, please, will you listen for a minute? Don't go back inside yet. He's not done._

I took a second or two to look over her face, noticing that her expression matched the seriousness in her tone of voice. She was pleading at me with both her tone and her eyes.

_Why? _I asked simply. We both knew I'd do it if she really wanted me to, but I wanted to hear her reasons for it first.

_If this is because of some guilt trip he laid on you, _I began, trying hard to reign in my temper, _or some sort of pity you feel for him, then I'm out._ I wasn't about to stand there and let him make her feel guilty, or upset for his sorry ass.

She frowned and shook her head.

_No, it's not because of either of those things. Jake, just... think about this for a minute, okay? I know you're beyond angry with him. But..., _she sighed and her frown deepened, _this is our wedding, Jake. We're only getting married once. And, despite everything that's happened, he's married to your sister... he's your brother and mine now too. This distance between you two is hurting more than just Paul. _

I growled under my breath.

_Well Ness, he really should have thought about that before hurting you. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to listen to him make excuses for treating you the way he did. Nothing he could say to me will make up for it. If he's hurting over his separation from my sister, then he'll just have to live with that. I don't feel good about what it's doing to Rachel, but I won't let him use her to make us feel guilty. And you shouldn't either._

She shook her head again, quickly this time.

_No, Jake, that's exactly why you need to hear him out. He's not here to make you feel guilty. He's here to apologize, and explain himself. _

I raised my eyebrows at that.

_Explain? I think he was pretty clear about what he had to say, Ness, and quite frankly, I don't want to hear any more about it. I told you. I'm not listening to excuses._

She frowned again.

_I'm only asking you to listen to him. Please, Jake. I don't want to argue with you, so just hear what I have to say about it, and then make your choice. Whatever you decide after hearing one or both of us out, is fine by me. But you have to promise that you'll listen to what I have to say, because __**I **__was the one who asked him to come here today. _

And then it was my turn to frown. I was confused about why she would want to do this, today of all days. We should have been celebrating... not dealing with Paul and his issues. Why not wait until we got back from our honeymoon?

She sighed lightly and then sent her response to my thoughts in a very soft and sincere voice.

_I want to do this today because I love you, and I don't want you to regret anything about this day, for the rest of eternity_. _Jake, you and I both know that we have an eternity to be together, and that starts today. This is the happiest day of our lives so far and I want us to remember it that way, forever. We'll never have another wedding, and our memories of the people here celebrating with us will have to last us until the end of time. _

She paused and took a deep breath before continuing in a small voice. _Years from now, these memories will be what we cherish when we think about our friends and family... especially the ones who won't be around to make more memories with us... _

She glanced over at Paul and Rachel at that point, and frowned again. And that's when I got it. I got what she was saying... and damn it... it was harsh. She was silently reminding me that one day, memories like this will be all I have left of my sister and her husband. They weren't going to live forever, like Nessie and I would. My sister was human and Paul was planning to stop phasing within the next year or two so he could start aging again and grow old with her. They'd both be gone one day.

_Yes, they will, _she said softly and squeezed my hand gently in hers, _and I think that if you hear Paul out, you might be willing to accept him a bit... even if it's just enough to know that he came here today with good intentions._

Congratulations for our wedding were one thing. I could accept those. But forgiveness for how he treated her was another thing, altogether. He hurt her, and spoke down to her and about her in front of people. That just wasn't the type of behaviour I was going to accept from anybody when it came to her. He crossed a line and it was my job to make sure that he, and anyone else who might consider crossing the same line, know that treating her that way was _not _acceptable.

Her face softened as mine tensed, thinking about other people following Paul's example and holding old grudges and prejudices against her when she had done nothing wrong. I felt her thumb stroke the back of my hand as she spoke.

_I know that you're trying to set an example here, about how people should treat and receive me, and, Jake, I love you __**so**__ much for defending me the way you have. You have no idea what it means to me, that you're willing to put me before anyone and everyone else. But... you're the leader of your entire tribe, so you also have to set an example about how to make this right... about how our marriage is __**not**__ going to be responsible for a divide in the tribe. I know you don't want that, and I know it's bothered you that people feel like they've been forced to take sides in this. _

She raised her other hand to cup my jaw and used her thumb to smooth over the edges, where I was silently working it as I clenched my teeth in frustration.

_If nothing else, I'd really love for you and me to have some peace over this. They're __**my**__ family and __**my**__ tribe too now, Jake. I want and need this to work out peacefully, just as much as you do. Please, Jake... will you listen to him? _

I took a deep breath and held it, letting it fill and puff out my cheeks, before letting it out.

I had no idea how she always managed to see things like this from every angle. I was so focused on protecting her, and defending her from Paul's ignorance and hateful words, that I hadn't thought about how the consequences of treating him harshly for it would affect her. Don't get me wrong, I knew about the others. I knew that people would take sides and that me choosing to defend her over a pack brother, my only family to boot, would make some waves. It might even be seen as a bit radical. But that was just to the people in the tribe who weren't in on all of our secrets; the ones who really knew nothing about my true place in life. My first responsibility in their eyes was to be the chief. But those who knew the facts, knew that in reality, that really wasn't the case. Only those who knew about imprinting, and who Nessie was to me, would know the truth. _She_ would always be my number one responsibility. She came above and before everyone and everything, even my responsibilities to the people of La Push.

And yet, there she was... pleading with me to try and make some kind of peace... for _our _family and _our _tribe.

I couldn't argue with her logic. As much as the thought of dealing with Paul today bothered me, I had to admit that she had a point. So, I decided I would try... for her. I'd do anything for her.

She squeezed my hand tightly in hers and tipped up on her toes to brush her lips across mine.

_Thank you, Jake. I love you. Whatever you decide from here I'll support, one hundred percent. _

I sighed and nodded slightly, before turning to face Paul and my sister, who were just finishing up their own private conversation in hushed whispers.

"Okay, let's get this over with," I said quietly.

Paul nodded and turned to face us, while Rachel smiled nervously from his side.

"Just one thing before you start," I stated in a firm voice, narrowing my eyes on Paul, warning him with a glare. "I'll listen to everything you have to say, so long as you don't disrespect my wife in any way. One word out of line and you're leaving, explanation over. So I suggest you choose your words carefully."

Paul swallowed thickly and nodded. It occurred to me then that he was nervous, which was very rare for Paul. He was always cocky and arrogant, nervousness was not something I was used to seeing him feel. I was glad to see it though. It meant that he was serious about smoothing things over, and that was what was most important.

"Okay... so... um," he said quietly and then cleared his throat, "I already apologized to Nessie over the phone when I spoke with her on Thursday."

I turned to look at Nessie and saw her nodding in confirmation. I nodded back, but I was sceptical. Knowing Paul, it was probably some sort of lame assed apology that had little to do with being sorry for his actions and a lot to do with being sorry for the consequences of them.

_No, Jake, he was sincere, _Nessie said through her connection when she read my thoughts about his apology._ He said he was sorry for implying that people only put up with me for your sake and for his comment about what I did when ... when I drank from you. He said he was out of line, and that he knew I wouldn't hurt anyone... especially you. _

Her inner voice had dropped to nearly a whisper at the end of her response, running her thumb lightly over the faint scar on my right wrist.

I nodded, but grimaced at some of the things that were missing from the apology.

"So he didn't apologize for making you feel responsible for people getting hurt, even though you weren't?" I asked her out loud, knowing full well that Paul would hear exactly what I thought of his apology. "None of what happened to my dad or to Kaya was your fault, and he implied that it was. He should be apologizing to you for that too, Ness."

I heard Paul sigh from where he was standing.

"I guess I didn't say it in so many words, but yeah, you're right... I did say that she was responsible for those things in her own way," Paul said quietly under his breath. He raised his head a bit to look Nessie in the eye.

"I'm sorry about that too. I was... acting... impulsively, when I said it. I've been told that I do that some times."

I scoffed and nodded my head. Paul always acted impulsively. He worked on raw emotion one hundred percent of the time. It was why he was infamous for being the pack hothead.

"Thank you," Nessie said quietly.

Paul nodded his head and looked down at his shoes again for a minute. I was beginning to get a bit agitated when it seemed like he didn't have anything else to say. We'd already been outside for almost half an hour, and we needed to get back inside to the reception. There was no way I was willing to spend our entire night out there, waiting for Paul to put his shit together.

"Look, man, that's... fine," I mumbled, even though it wasn't. I was still disappointed with him. I'd expected more of an apology, or at least an explanation after being dragged out our wedding reception for this. "I still don't understand why you said any of it in the first place. You know that she's my number one priority, Paul, and if you can't even explain to me why you hurt her like you did, then I have to say that I accept your apology... but you're not forgiven in my eyes. Just... take some time to think about things while we're away, and we'll talk when Nessie and I get back in a few weeks. Until then...," I swallowed thickly and glanced at my sister, knowing that this was not going to be the outcome she was probably hoping for from this conversation.

"Until then, just keep things the way they are. I don't want you saying things to people on the res behind our backs while we're away, so... you're not allowed to come back... not while we're gone, and I can't be around to keep an eye on things." I saw my sister's face fall and heard Nessie's sigh of disappointment from my side. I felt really bad for hurting Rachel and for disappointing Nessie, but I wasn't going to change my mind. I didn't trust Paul – not by a long shot. And until I knew what his motivations were for the way he acted, things were going to stay exactly as they were.

Rachel turned to Paul and began whispering something quietly in his ear. I didn't pay any attention to them. I was more concerned about my bride at that particular moment in time.

I turned to Nessie and sighed at her frown. I hated that he made me disappoint her on our wedding day. I hoped that she'd forgive me for it, because at that point, it really was the best that I could do.

She nodded and squeezed my hand.

_It's ok, Jake. I thought he'd be a bit more forthcoming with you than he was, too. He told me that he would explain why he said the things he did, and Rachel told me that it would be worth listening to. I guess he changed his mind, _she said sadly.

She sighed and smiled a small smile.

_Thank you for doing this. I know it wasn't easy. Are you ready to head back inside? I think you owe me another dance._

I smiled back and nodded, thinking that I wanted nothing more than to get back to the party and dance with my gorgeous wife. I held my elbow out for her and nodded in the direction of the doors.

"Wait," Paul said quietly, just as she took my arm. I paused and closed my eyes, wishing he would just go away.

"Jake, I... urrggh, fuck!" he grumbled under his breath, and then kicked a piece of ice that was lying on the ground near his feet. It skidded across the ice and snow covered lawn and came to a full stop before he said anything else.

"I was scared, okay?" he whispered quietly.

That stopped me short. I couldn't believe my ears. Paul... cocky, arrogant, kick-your-ass-at-the-drop-of-a-hat _Paul_, was admitting that he was scared about something.

I turned to look at him with curiosity. He wasn't lying. The fact that it was hard for him to admit this was written all over his face. He was clenching and unclenching his fists and breathing hard, while my sister hung on to his forearm and encouraged him to continue.

He nodded at her and then stared down hard at the snow between us as he continued.

"I was scared... and I still am. It's just... your dad. They did what they did to him right under our noses. They came after him, and none of us had a clue until it was too late... and we didn't stop it. He was our responsibility, and we failed him – right on our own land. And then with Kaya... it was the same thing. We were running double patrols and they still managed to sneak in and take her without getting caught." He growled a bit under his breath and then took a moment to calm himself down before he continued.

"I know that it wasn't Nessie's or the Cullen's fault, Jake, but... you have to admit that if we didn't have any association with any of them, none of it would have happened. It's... _risky_ being around them, because there's always the chance that others like them will come around. And I know that the rest of them are leaving, and that the Cullen's have done a lot to prove that they wouldn't hurt anyone, but... Jake, man, _accidents happen_. Look at Olivia... it was a near miss with that Alaskan vamp that day. You heard what they said, even the vamps admitted it. He _couldn't help_ his reaction to her. I _know_ what it's like not to be able to control your reactions, Jake," he said while looking at me pointedly and seriously. Yeah, he did know. Paul was the worst when it came to controlling his reactions. It took him almost twice as long as the rest of us to control the urge to phase because of it.

His hands shook again this time, while he was preparing for what to say next. I saw his face rumple a bit with pain and fear. His eyes flickered over to Rachel, he swallowed hard, and then looked back at me with an intense gaze that let me know that whatever he said next, was the bulk of his problem. I nodded a bit, encouraging him to continue, because I knew that I was about to get to the real explanation that I had been waiting for. His eyes dropped to the snow between us, and he continued.

"You can mean well and have the best intentions in the world, but if something goes wrong, and someone loses control, having good intentions doesn't mean that no one will get hurt." And pretty soon, I won't be in any shape to defend _anyone_ from an accident like that. And that freaks me _the fuck_ out."

I sighed and joined him in staring at the snow. I hated to admit it... but he had a point... or two. He might have lost his temper, as usual, and presented himself like an ass at the meeting, but I guess I could understand the fact that it was in reaction to him feeling like he failed at protecting my dad and Kaya, and his fear of not being able to protect anyone from it happening again since he was planning to give up his wolf status soon.

But... that didn't mean it was okay to hold any of what happened in the past over the Cullen's heads, and definitely not over Nessie's. She was a victim of that psychopath just as much as my father and Kaya were. He still had no right making her feel guilty over it. And what Rachel said to her about our kids, and his fear about what they might be like, was cruel and presumptuous. He couldn't just assume that things were going to go wrong, and blame everyone for things that hadn't even happened.

"Look, Paul... I get it. I do. What happened to my dad and Kaya scared and hurt us all. You don't think I know, _more than anyone_, what it's like to have someone I love taken right out from under my nose?" I asked quietly and pulled Nessie in for a hug, squeezing her tight. I knew... God, did I ever know. Those bastards stole my heart right out of my own chest the day they took her... and I was absolutely useless. It was something I was sure I'd never forgive myself for.

"That's my point, Jake," Paul said seriously. "There's a risk here, to everyone involved, including you and Nessie. And... God man, I know what you went through when they took her. I just... I... _fuck_, I can't _do_ that, Jake. Rachel, and our kids... they're my whole world. And I won't even be able to protect them from whatever comes next. I won't risk them, Jake. I can't.

"I know you've set up some protocols with the others about what to do with... _visitors_ of their kind in the future. I heard about it from Sam. I just don't think it's enough. Put yourself in my shoes, Jake. Me, Rachel and the kids are the closest people to you... we're your only family on the res. If something... _bad_... happens again, my entire family will probably be targeted or in the way, and we'll be defenceless."

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Once again, I hated to admit it, but he was within his rights to be worried. I know I would be, if I couldn't protect my family, and I felt like they were in danger. I didn't agree with him about the amount of risk involved, though. In my opinion being around Nessie and the Cullens was no more risky for Rachel and the kids than being around the wolves... especially in the face of danger, and definitely in the presence of someone like Paul who had poor control. My dad and I were always worried about Rachel when she was with him, especially in the beginning when he had trouble going even a day without phasing in anger over the smallest things. But we had to trust him not to hurt her, because he loved her so much...and now he was going to have to do the same.

"Okay. I hear what you're saying. I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I'll talk to Sam, and the Cullen's and see if we can agree on something a bit stronger in terms of protecting the tribe from unknown visitors. But about the Cullen's and Nessie... about _our _family, Paul, present and _future_..." I stated, putting emphasis on the words 'our' and 'future' hoping he would understand that I was talking about the Cullen's and any kids that Nessie and I might have one day, "you're going to have to trust us on that one. When you and Rachel started dating... you were a mess, phasing all the time about anything little thing that set you off. My dad and I had to trust you with her, and believe that you wouldn't hurt her, because you loved her. You're going to have to trust us with this now. I love my sister, and my niece and nephew, and so does Nessie... you know that. You have to trust that we won't put any of them at risk. That's the only way this is going to work."

I waited as he turned toward my sister and looked in her eyes. I have no idea what he was looking for, or what he found there, but when he turned back toward me he nodded his head in agreement.

I felt Nessie squeeze my arm with her hand, and then softly poke at my ribs with her elbow. I sighed, knowing what she wanted me to do. I was still a bit reluctant, but I decided that she was probably right.

"Well... we have a wedding to get back to," I said quietly. "My sister looks like she's had a long day. Why don't you go ahead and take her home."

Rachel's head shot up.

"_Home_, home, Jake? Can he really take me _home_?" she asked with a watery and hopeful smile.

I levelled Paul with my gaze before nodding in agreement.

"Sam promised me to keep an eye on things while I'm gone," I said to let Paul know that he would be watched. "I'll tell him when I head inside."

She smiled. "I love you, little brother."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the familiar endearment. I was six foot three and she was five foot six. I was definitely _not_ little compared to her anymore, and hadn't been for years, but she always insisted on calling me that. I was just lucky that she wasn't jumping up, trying to mess with my hair while she said it this time.

"Jake?" Paul said just as Nessie and I turned to leave.

"Yeah?" I said without looking back. I was done talking. I just wanted to get back inside, cuddle up with Nessie on the dance floor, cut some cake, and then head out for the honeymoon. I'd deal with the rest of this when we got back.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

I nodded and pulled Nessie toward the doors. The others had gone back to the party already, so it was fairly empty at the back near the doors when we got in, which was a good thing, because my wife chose that exact moment to reach up, pull my face down to hers by the back of my neck, and kiss the hell out of me.

"Mmm," I mumbled into her mouth as her lips parted and she softly flicked her tongue out over my lips.

I loved the song that was playing, and saw no reason to break a perfectly good kiss to make our way to the dance floor, so I wrapped my hands around her waist and started to sway. I opened my mouth to her and let the heat flow through us, as we kissed and danced. It was much more intense today than it had ever been. It was scorching hot, literally like kissing and consuming warm, sweet honey. I loved our friends and family, and we'd had a great day, but I couldn't wait to get out of there, on that plane and eventually into bed. She was so beautiful today, and she was amazingly insightful with Paul. Once again, she'd done what I needed without me even knowing that I did. I was ready to steal her away from everyone for a while. I wanted to show her how much I loved and appreciated her. More than anything, I was ready to make love to my beautiful wife.

"Hmmmm," she hummed as we came up for air and I laid my forehead on hers. "That sounds good."

I smirked and let out a small chuckle at her for picking my thoughts out of my head without telling me. Like father, like daughter sometimes, I guessed, but I didn't really mind. It was a lot less annoying when she did it, mostly because I didn't care what she knew about my thoughts. Most of them were about her, and how amazing she was, anyway. I didn't think she'd mind hearing how much I loved her all the time.

"I love you too, Jake. _You _were amazing out there with him. You did the right thing. I'm so proud to call you mine."

I smiled and shook my head at her.

"You and me both, baby," I murmured and then kissed her forehead softly as the song came to a close. I pulled back to look at her smiling face. I loved seeing her happy. I was glad that our conversation with Paul hadn't ruined our moods.

"What do you say to finding Alice and telling her we want to cut that cake?" I asked, knowing that the cake cutting was one of the few things left on our agenda for the night, and once those things were done, we could leave.

She nodded and scanned the crowd for her Aunt. Within minutes we were wiping icing off of our faces after playing a little with the cake for the pictures, and the next thing we knew it was time to toss the bouquet.

I looked on from the side of the dance floor while Tanya, the Cullen's cousin from Alaska, and Monica, Embry's girlfriend settle themselves up near the front of the crowd of single ladies, while the rest of the girls huddled loosely behind them and the DJ cued the music. Nessie did two 'fake throws' first, and then got serious for her third. Just before she tossed it, she turned her head a bit to the side and winked at me... before deliberately tossing the bouquet high over the heads of the people in the front, so that it was headed for the back... and sailed right into Leah's arms.

I laughed loudly, along with every other wolf in the room, while Leah rolled her eyes at Nessie's obviously purposeful toss. Jasper, Emmett and Edward were all stifling laughs on the other side of the dance floor while Bella shook her head with a smile. We stopped a couple of seconds later though, when Leah turned on us with a glare that could bring a grown man to his knees.

I shook my head and made my way over to Nessie, who was just getting seated on a chair in the middle of the dance floor. The single guys in the room lined up behind me, getting ready to catch the garter. But I had to go get it first.

I settled myself on my knees in front of her as Seth and Sam helped me out of my jacket, and then tied my hands around my back with my necktie.

"So," I said to her quietly as the DJ cued the music, "I guess it's time to find out what's under that skirt." I waggled my eyebrows a bit and then chuckled at her light blush.

I was thrown for a surprise, though, when she smirked back at me. Because the next thing she did was shake her head, and before I knew it, she was lifting that long, gorgeous, barely concealed leg under the slit of her dress up and over the other, crossing them carefully. She pulled her skirt up an inch, right above that amazing slit, to reveal her garter, nestled high up on her thigh, just inches from the top.

I felt my jaw drop just at the same time as I heard the hooting and hollering from behind me, because _damn _that was just every different kind of fucking sexy.

A light growl from my left alerted me, and the drooling motherfuckers behind me, that Edward was none too pleased about them ogling Nessie's legs. I probably would have been pissed about it too, except for the fact that those were _my _legs now, and _I_ was the one who was on his way towards them to take that garter off.

I leaned forward, and locked eyes with her at the same time as I lowered my mouth to her leg. I let my lips brush her thigh on either side of the garter, kissing her creamy skin, as I pinched the lace between my teeth. I saw her eyelids flutter a bit over her heated stare and practically purred in satisfaction as I slid the garter slowly down her thigh. She extended her leg when I reached her knee, being careful to keep her legs crossed, for which I was grateful. The drooling shitheads behind me could get a look at that sexy leg of hers, but that sweet heaven at the apex of her thighs was _mine_.

I slid the garter down her calf and off of her foot, pausing just long enough to lightly kiss the top of it. She smiled and leaned forward to kiss my cheek when I was done, and then wished me luck with the toss. I waited until Nessie reached the edge of the dance floor and was standing between Olivia and a still slightly pissed Leah, before swinging my arm around and tossing it on the first crack. I spun around to the sound of shouting and laughed as I watched Brady, Austin and Embry fight over the scrap of lace. Each of them had a couple of fingers on it, and they were trying to pry the other's hands off of it without ripping it. It went on for a few seconds until Brady wrapped his free arm around Austin's neck, pulling him into a headlock, and Embry took advantage of the distraction to flick both of their hands off of it, and claiming it as his own.

Nessie came over and took my hand just as Embry was pulling the garter up over his elbow wearing it like a badge of honour over his suit.

"Yeah, well now you have to dance with Leah. Celebrate _that_, fucker," Brady mumbled at Embry under his breath.

We watched as Embry protested, loudly, until Leah came up behind him and smacked him on the back of the head, thanking him for being a jackass and telling him that she had no intention of dancing with his sorry ass either.

I turned to Nessie, who was watching with amusement.

"I think that's our cue to go," I said with a chuckle as Monica started in on Embry for being so rude to Leah.

Nessie nodded and tugged me in the direction of her parents.

"Mom," Nessie said to Bella as we approached. She was talking with Alice, who was going on a mile a minute about how glad she was that the decorations and the lighting worked out.

Bella turned to us and smiled. I chuckled under my breath at her expression. She was obviously grateful for being rescued from her conversation with Alice. Edward rolled his eyes with a smile and whispered something in Bella's ear that made her straighten out her expression before Alice could catch it.

"What can we do for you two?" Bella asked.

"Nothing, actually. We're leaving..." Nessie said quietly.

Edward nodded and glanced at her briefly before lowering his eyes to the floor.

"Your plane leaves in few hours. It's probably a good idea to change and get your things together," he said quietly.

I nodded in return, feeling a bit awkward. I was whisking his daughter off to our honeymoon... and I could almost see him trying his best to avoid thinking about what we'd be doing once we were there. I was suddenly really, really glad that Bella had agreed to keep him under her shield all night, because all I could think about was taking Nessie back to the cottage and getting her out of that dress...

Bella reached out to pull Nessie in for a hug, breaking a little bit of the awkward tension surrounding us.

"You two have fun, and be safe," she said while hugging Nessie and smiling at me over her shoulder.

I smiled back and nodded just as Edward reached out his hand. I took it and looked at his face to find him staring at me instead of the floor.

"Jacob," he said and shook my hand firmly, but not enough for me to think that he wanted to kill me for taking his daughter away with me for what was supposed to be the most romantic vacation of our lives. "Take care of each other," he murmured quietly.

I nodded and glanced toward Bella, before crooking my head to side a bit and looking at her pointedly, hoping she would catch my drift. She smiled and nodded back at me, before letting me in to their private little bubble under her shield.

_Edward, _I thought to grab his attention. He looked at me and nodded in acknowledgement.

_Thank you... for everything, _I said quietly, quickly thinking back over everything we'd been through together over the past seven years, because despite a lot of the bad things that had happened a couple of months ago, he accepted me in Nessie's life from day one, and that was what was most important to me_. _

_But mostly for her, _I said, echoing his thoughts from the letter he sent me with his wedding invitation six years ago. It was my turn to be grateful for the gift he was giving me. It wasn't the same set of circumstances, but I wanted him to know that I appreciated the sacrifice he was making by giving her up... so that we could be together.

He smiled and nodded, before pulling me in for a one-armed hug.

"I love you like a brother, and now as a son, Jacob," he murmured in my ear, "I'm glad to see you both so happy."

He released me then, and I nodded at Bella to pull back her shield. Nessie took her turn hugging her dad, while I hugged Bella and then we did the reverse of what we'd done on our way in, hugging everyone goodbye and accepting good wishes for our honeymoon.

I took the opportunity to fill Sam in on the situation with Paul when he and Emily came up to wish us goodbye. He said that he'd stayed really close during the whole conversation, ready to call Paul off if he had to, but was instead pleasantly surprised with the way things turned out.

"Don't worry about anything while you're gone. I'll be keeping a close eye on him, along with Seth, until he and Olivia come out to join you guys in a couple of weeks," Sam said before shaking my hand and wishing us a good trip.

With everything that had been going on, I'd almost forgotten that Seth and Olivia were going to join us on our third week of our honeymoon. We were going to Hawaii, to a place my sister Rebecca recommended. Everyone felt better about us vacationing closer to home, including Nessie and me. We'd be far enough away for it to feel like a holiday, but close enough for any of the Cullens or wolves to reach us in a few hours if we needed them. Edward and Bella thought that Hawaii sounded like a great vacation spot and asked if we would mind them buying Seth and Olivia a set of tickets as a belated wedding present. Seth and Edward had become fast friends years ago, and Edward wanted to do something nice for the two of them. Since Seth and Olivia didn't have the time to take a honeymoon of their own because they were on the run with us, Edward and Bella thought a vacation in Hawaii for a week was a great idea. Nessie and I both agreed that it would be great to have them, and Bella and Edward were nice enough to remember to give us the first two weeks there all by ourselves.

I looked at Nessie as she let go of her grandmother and wished her family a good trip to Alaska. She turned to face me and held out her hand, just as Emmett and Quil started tossing handfuls of rice at us. I pulled her into my side and we made a dash for the door. When we got outside she laughed loudly and turned to wink at me, before breaking out into a sprint toward the cottage.

I dashed after her, catching up easily. She wasn't nearly as fast as she usually was, because she was running in four inch heels. I took advantage of my lead and made sure I made it to the door of the cottage first. When I got there I stopped and leaned up against the doorframe, arms crossed over my chest and waited for her. Within three seconds she was standing in front of me, still laughing and reaching for my hands.

I took them in mine and wrapped them around my neck, before leaning down and scooping her up into my arms. She let out a little yelp and laughed again when I picked her up.

"Jake, what are you doing?" she asked with a tiny breathy laugh as I turned toward the door.

I shook my head and kissed her lightly on the lips.

I hummed into her sweet mouth and then murmured softly to her, as I turned the knob and carried her over the threshold of what would be our first home.

"Just doin' my job, Mrs. Black."

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**Honeymoon Part One, up next.**

**~Hitchy**


	53. Your Love is Better

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 53 – Your Love is Better**

Your love is better than ice cream  
better than anything else that I've tried  
and your love is better than ice cream  
everyone here know how to fight  
and it's a long way down  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down to the place  
where we started from

Your love is better than chocolate  
better than anything else that I've tried  
oh love is better than chocolate  
everyone here knows how to cry  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down to the place  
where we started from...

_Ice Cream ~ Sarah McLachlan_

**RPOV**

"Just doin' my job, Mrs. Black," he breathed against my lips as he carried me over the threshold of the cottage door.

I felt my breath mingle with his as we stood just in front of the doorway, me in his strong arms. My arms were around his neck, fingers playing with the short thick hair at the base of his skull, our mouths just millimetres apart. We stood stock still in each other's arms and listened as the door clicked shut behind us.

His warm, soft lips met mine, so sweetly, so gently that I felt like I was made of glass. He had never kissed me like this. I felt – precious. His mouth kissed around my top lip, gently and slowly, before releasing it and kissing around the bottom one, just as sweetly, just as slowly. Once, twice, three times he captured them in succession like this, never deepening it, never asking for more. The way he made me feel when he did that, was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. My heart swelled to epic proportions, not thumping wildly, but expanding in my chest until it felt tight, and the air choked out of me, and I wasn't sure if I could breathe around it. The pressure was incredible and so _real_... my eyes watered.

_So this is what it feels like to drown in love..._

"Jake," I choked out in a whisper around his lips, and clutched my fingers tightly to the back of his neck as he lay his forehead against mine.

He didn't answer me. Not with words anyway. I felt my body shift as my feet were slowly lowered to the floor. His lips moved to my forehead... my eyelids... my temples... my cheeks... my jaw... placing feather-light and reverent kisses at every spot. I stood there stunned, glowing, drowning, burning, with my hands and arms lying limply at my sides, completely at the mercy of his soft touches.

When he finally made his way to my lips again, I whimpered and allowed my head to fall back. My body went slack, leaning into his embrace, as his strong hands wrapped around my hips and gently pulled me to him. Our lips parted only millimetres and moved against each other with gentle pressure, just barely kissing... but somehow it was igniting a fire in me like never before.

This wasn't a flash flame stirring in my belly – no it wasn't scorching hot and bursting out of me, dying just as quickly as it came – not at all. This was a slow and deep heat, that ignited in the lower parts of my belly directly above my core and burned, like a blue hot flame, and with every small kiss... it pulsed, sending waves of deep, resonating heat through me from head to toe and back again. And with every wave... the pilot flame, the one centered in the empty aching place above my core, got hotter.

With every pass of his lips on mine his hands inched slowly around my hips, down slightly and over to the small of my back, until his long, strong fingers found the ties of the corset back on my dress. I felt the gentle pull of fabric against the skin of my waist as he drew back the string, until finally, the bow released and the waist of my dress went just the tiniest bit slack.

His lips left mine, and I whimpered again, feeling empty as the flame in my belly immediately began to ebb, and the fire in me receded. But I didn't have to worry about that for long, because within seconds the hands on my hips were turning me, until I faced away from him and out into the sitting room and his lips found my shoulder. I sighed and leaned back just slightly into the heat of his presence behind me. His fingers began working the ties on my dress, slowly and carefully pulling them through the dozens of tiny silk loops on the back. He peppered my shoulder and neck with kisses as he worked, and I burned once again.

I felt the change in pressure to the top of my dress when he was done. The bodice went completely slack and fell away from me, just slightly, at the top of my breasts.

I inhaled deeply and without a word, slowly lifted my arms over my head.

I felt a small movement in the air and heard fabric shifting as Jake knelt down behind me... before large, warm palms flattened themselves out gently on my ankles. They started to move, sliding slowly up the outside of my calves. I felt my breath hitch as the fire in my core pulsed again, but the heat was somehow thicker this time, heavier... weighing down my limbs and pooling in my belly like hot gel. It churned and burned as his hands slid higher, over my knees and thighs, bunching fabric up over them as they went. His hands slowed a bit as they slid over my waist and he rose slowly to his feet behind me. I heard him sigh as he kissed my shoulder once more and then slid his hands over the sides of my lace covered breasts. I felt my nipples tighten and harden as his fingertips grazed them on either side, causing my breath to stutter. His palms continued their slow, searing journey, over my shoulders, past my elbows and forearms, my hands, my fingertips until finally, the dress was over my head.

I opened my eyes and gazed out into the room through heavy lids to see my dress being laid carefully over the back of the chair to our right.

My heart was thrumming lightly in my chest, my legs and knees were weak, my belly was burning and my core was aching with need.

I lowered my arms and turned to face my husband.

He was standing a foot or two away from me, backlit by the moonlight pouring through the window. His breath caught as I turned and then blew out slowly between his lips as his eyes made their way over my body from my stiletto clad feet, up and over my tiny white lace boy shorts and matching strapless bra, to my face.

He shook his head ever so slightly from side to side, his expression oddly one of disbelief and reached a hand forward to gently take one of mine. He raised them together over my head and waited.

I obliged him and turned, slowly, under his heated and somewhat bewildered stare.

"You," he whispered softly as soon as I was facing him again, "look like an angel. A very tempting, sweet, gorgeous angel."

He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms tenderly around my waist while kissing the sweet spot behind my ear.

"It hurts," he murmured softly into my neck. "It hurts to look at you when you're so perfect."

I shook my head, trying to clear it of the dizzy, wanton, heartbreakingly sweet and all consuming feeling of love I had for this man long enough to reply... but never got my chance. He swept me up into his arms again, and continued to kiss my neck, as he carried me down the hall, to my room.

I sighed in relief as we crossed through the doorway. _This_ is where I wanted to be. I slid my hands up his lapels, which I had been gripping on the way down the hall, and up to the sides of his face. My fingertips rested on his cheekbones as I lifted my eyes to meet his deep dark ones. I advanced slowly, with my eyes trained on his, and finally... _finally, _kissed him back.

I kept it warm, and soft and sweet, just as he had with me. I felt him sigh and then moan lightly against my lips as I slid my hands down his neck and under the lapels of his jacket. Pushed them lightly, shifting the jacket as far off his shoulders as I could with me still in his arms. He slowly let me down to the floor, our mouths still connected in a sweet slow kiss, so I could finish the job, and let his jacket fall to the floor.

I left his mouth to place sweet kisses on his chin, his strong jaw and along his neck as I freed him of his tie and took my time popping open each one of the buttons on his shirt. When I was done, it hung loosely down his sides and I took full advantage, slipping my hands in and running them down his warm, perfectly toned chest and every one of his chiselled abs. When I reached the buckle of his belt, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush with his chest.

He sighed and kissed my forehead with his hands resting on my hips. His thumbs were rubbing back and forth lightly over the edge of my lace panties, making me shiver with want.

"Let's get you dressed," he mumbled into my hair, "Seth will be here soon."

I sighed heavily and pulled back to place a kiss on his chest, right over his heart. I was disappointed... oh so disappointed that we had to stop. But he was right. I had completely forgotten that Seth and Olivia were taking us to the airport.

I nodded against his chest and he released me. He reached back towards the door, slid my white sundress off of the hanger where it had been hung to keep it free from wrinkles, and held it up over my head. I smiled as I raised my arms, and he slipped it over my head. After smoothing the fabric down over my hips he leaned down to give me another sweet kiss, before getting changed himself. I sat on the bed and watched, unabashedly, as he slid his black pants down over his toned legs leaving him in nothing but black, fitted boxer briefs.

He stole a glance in my direction and smirked at my blatant ogling, but that certainly didn't stop me. He was amazing... six feet four inches of smooth, tan skin over brawny, taught muscle... he was the 'tall dark and handsome' that romance novels raved about. Every inch of him screamed hot and hard and one hundred percent man... and he was all _mine._

I sighed again, this time with a bit of disappointment, as he slipped on his dark jeans and reached for my favourite blue t-shirt. It really was a shame to cover all of that up... even if it was only for a few hours. It felt like forever since I'd been able to see him and really appreciate _all _of him. We'd been together the other night, but I was so caught up in his spell, so dizzy with just the _feel _of him, that I didn't have time to touch and taste and see every part of him that I loved and missed. I smirked to myself then, thinking that the next two weeks was the perfect amount of time for me to do just that.

I leaned down to undo the straps of my heels just as Jake slipped on his own shoes. Aunt Alice told me to pack my wedding shoes to go with a couple of dressier outfits she'd picked for me to wear on our honeymoon, so I was going to swap the heels for the pair of sandals that she left near the door, by my sundress.

Long, strong fingers closed over mine just as I reached the top strap of the shoe, stilling my movements. I looked up to see Jake kneeling in front of me, staring at my still stiletto-clad foot with slightly pursed lips. His eyes made a slow journey up from my shoe, over my calves, my knees and thighs before flickering to mine.

"Are you uncomfortable in these?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head no, too lost in his heated and hungry stare to say a word.

"Good," he whispered as he gently pulled my fingers away from my shoe and leaned in to place a soft open mouthed kiss at the sweet spot behind my ear. "Leave them on," he said in a tone that was laced with confidence and authority.

_Oh my... _I thought breathlessly as he continued to nibble on my neck and jaw, and his hands slid up and down my thigh, _it seems that my alpha likes the shoes. _

I whimpered then, as he leaned into me, laying me back against the bed and covering my body with his. Once again, I was lost to his touch, all senses focused on him. I had a feeling that once his more authoritative side made an appearance the other night I'd be seeing him again. I wasn't sure what it was about this side of Jake that got to me... but I knew that I liked him like this. I loved his confidence, the way he seemed focused on me, and the fact that he seemed to know just what to do to keep me caught up in _him_, because if I was being honest, it was the only place I wanted or needed to be.

We fell back into our slow and heated kisses then, hands roaming the planes of each other's bodies over clothes as our legs tangled together and our hips moved gently against each other's providing just the right amount of soft, sweet friction.

"Jake," Seth's voice rang out quietly from the front room, "you guys ready?"

We both groaned lightly as we pulled apart from each other. Jake leaned his forehead against mine as we took a few seconds to steady our breathing.

"He waited for a bit in the car outside before coming in to get us," he whispered in my ear.

I blushed as I figured out that that meant that Seth probably knew exactly what was holding us up.

Jake smirked and chuckled at my blush and slowly rose to stand at the foot of the bed. I returned the smirk and chuckle as I noticed him trying to adjust himself discreetly.

He didn't say anything, just waggled his eyebrows at me a couple of times with a smile before reaching out his hand to help me off of the bed. I took it and stood. Jake grabbed all of our luggage and I made sure to pick up my sandals and both of our leather jackets before we made our way out of my room and into the living room where Seth was waiting for us.

Thankfully Seth didn't comment on the fact that we were a bit distracted when he arrived to pick us up. He just smiled at us and took one of our bags from Jake. I peered out the window to see Olivia huddled against the passenger door in the front seat of Seth's car, with both her shawl and his tuxedo jacket draped over her.

"She fell asleep as soon as we got settled in the car," he explained. I nodded in understanding. It was a busy day and there were a lot of people around. She always got anxious in crowds, and usually preferred to keep to herself. Between the hustle and bustle of the day, the fact that she was probably nervous being around so many people all day, and the fact that she was nearly four months pregnant, she must have been exhausted.

"Is she going to be okay for the ride to Seattle and back?" I asked as we exited the cottage and Jake packed our bags in the trunk. I knew they would be on the road for a few hours between the ride to the airport and back, and I didn't like to think about her sleeping curled against the door of the car for that long.

"I figured she'd be pretty tired tonight so I booked us a room in Seattle. She's never seen the city so we're going to spend the day there tomorrow before heading back home," he explained quietly.

I smiled and nodded. They could use a weekend away to relax. I knew that they were both a bit stressed over school, because they were now officially an entire term behind, thanks to being on the run with me. I knew Olivia was a bit worried about money too. She didn't say anything directly, but she mentioned the fact that she and Seth were looking to borrow a crib and possibly a rocking chair for the baby when we were at the spa the other afternoon. I remembered the look on her face when she said it. Her brows knit together and her lips were slightly pursed as she rubbed a hand absently over her little belly. I made a mental note to talk to Grandma Sue and Leah when we got back about throwing them a baby shower.

Jake closed the trunk of the car and walked over to open the back door, motioning for me to get in first. I smiled at his chivalry and slid in. He folded himself in right behind me, placing his hand at the small of my back as I got settled, before sliding it up and settling his arm around my shoulder once the door was closed and we were buckled in. He pulled me close to his side, and I snuggled in as he kissed my temple.

The entire three hour drive there was silent. I knew that we weren't speaking to avoid disturbing Olivia's sleep, but I welcomed the silence. Jake and I spent our time cuddled in the back, while he absently ran his hand, fingers or just his thumb over my shoulder. Every once in a while he would plant a soft kiss in my hair, on my forehead or at my temple... or I would lean up and brush my lips over his jaw or neck. By the time we reached the airport I was so comfortable and happy in his arms that my eyes had drifted close and I started to fall asleep.

We said a quiet goodbye to Seth on the curb in front of the doors to the terminal. I hugged him and thanked him for the ride, told him to have fun tomorrow and that we looked forward to seeing him and Olivia in a couple of weeks. He smiled, told me not to give the two of them a second thought, and before I knew it he and Jake had done their one-armed guy hug and he returned to the car and drove away with a wave.

The flight to the big island of Hawaii was almost six hours long. Once we were settled in our seats the cabin lights dimmed for the overnight flight. I felt Jake's warm hand close around my calf just as the plane was taking off. His other hand moved to lift the armrest between us as he lifted my leg onto his lap and then reached down to do the same with the other. I shifted in my seat, turning to look at him, with my back against the outer wall of the plane. He smiled a small smile and locked eyes with mine as he slowly undid the straps on my shoes, one by one. His large, powerful hands skilfully and softly slid the straps over my ankles and off of my feet, while his fingertips brushed against my skin at every available opportunity.

It had been like this since he closed the door in the cottage. Every touch, every pass of his skin against mine whether it was from his fingers or his lips, was light, gentle and soft, in complete contradiction to the look in his eyes, which was serious, focused and undeniably lustful. He spent the entire first hour of the flight massaging my feet and calves while I bit my lip and shifted in my seat trying to stifle quiet moans and conceal my ever building desire for him from the few passengers around us.

The entire honeymoon, including the first class plane tickets, was a gift from my aunts and uncles. At first I was a bit hesitant about flying first class. My family was used to living in luxury, but I didn't really see the need to spend the money on a first class flight when we would most likely be sleeping the entire way. But now I was glad that Aunt Rosalie had insisted on it. This would be hard to do while crammed in a coach class cabin, packed with other passengers.

I sighed with pleasure and let my eyes drift closed as my head lolled to the side. I loved the feeling of his warm hands gliding over my feet and legs. This was something he hadn't ever done for me before. I made a mental note to tell him how much I liked it later. I would have done it right then and there, but I was lost in a blissful state of relaxation, and lust. I would never have guessed that the two feelings could go together so well... since the very nature of being aroused suggested that you'd be excited. But this... this was a different kind of arousal. It was deep and full of longing. Every time he touched me the feeling of his warmth radiated slowly through my entire body and lingered... it was amazing, and I was near euphoric with it.

Sometime later I reached up and stilled his hands as I felt myself begin to drift off. I didn't open my eyes, just gently slid my hands up his arms and pulled myself up, swinging my feet around and tucking them underneath me. I laid my head down in the crook of his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Love you, Jake," I murmured as he draped his jacket over my legs.

"Love you too, baby," he whispered back before kissing the top of my head and then resting his head on mine.

The next thing I remember was the gentle shifting of the plane as it landed on the tarmac. We stretched a bit in our seats and put our shoes back on as the plane landed and came to a full stop.

I was still a bit groggy and blissfully relaxed after our few hours of sleep on the plane so our trip through the airport, into the rental car and the two hour drive to our vacation villa in Kailua were somewhat of a blur. I was glad that Jake was alert and up for driving. I was still entirely too relaxed to think of anything but him. He must've been planning to keep me in my relaxed stupor, because all the way to the villa from the airport his hand was on my thigh, rubbing slow circles, or kneading gently. After a while I covered my hand with his, and locked our fingers together to get him to stop. He was driving me crazy. I was so wound up that I found myself shifting in my seat, trying to do something, anything, to soothe the dull and persistent ache at the apex of my thighs. He glanced over at me and smirked before squeezing my hand... and then continuing his light ministrations with his thumb on the inside of my thigh.

I sighed, half in pleasure, half in frustration, closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window, resigned to the fact that he was determined to make me insane with want by the time we reached the villa. I decided to leave him to it, since he was clearly enjoying himself, and vowed to find a way to get back at him sometime over the next few weeks.

It was just after six in the morning when we reached the villa. We must have made good time in the car, because it should have been closer to seven by the time we got there. We parked at the beautiful ocean front villa and before I even had a chance to look around, Jake was at my door pulling it open and holding out his hand to me. I took in his large, muscular form standing in front of me, once again backlit, but this time by the violet and orange beginnings of the sunrise, and smiled while taking his hand.

He helped me out of the car and escorted me to the large double front doors in silence, before scooping me up in his arms and opening the door. No words were said as he quietly made his way across the large living area to the hallway. With his elbow he nudged open the door at the end of it to reveal the large master bedroom, walked in and nudged it closed again with a foot. The room was spacious, with white walls, bathed in soft orange light from the sunrise pouring through the wall to wall window and sliding glass doors opposite the way we came in, that led out to the small yard and then the clear white sand of the beach.

Within seconds I felt my body being lowered to the large, dark wood, four poster bed in the middle of the room. He set me down gently on my back, covered my body with his, and leaned in slowly, eyes on mine, to capture my lips in a serious kiss. We kissed and kissed while his pants made their way to the floor, while my dress slid over my head and was tossed... somewhere, while my hands removed my bra and his hands slid my panties down over my knees and I kicked them off sending them... elsewhere. Once our clothing was strewn all over the room, our hands started to explore what had been uncovered. I started at his shoulders and ran my hands down his chest and over his abs, committing every inch of coppery, heated skin covering strong muscle to memory as I went.

His fingers and hands slid down my sides, tickling my ribs and cupping my breasts, touching every inch of me that was left covered by my gold dress the other night on the bike. By the time our hands made their way around the back, his to the small of mine, mine to the back of his broad shoulders, we were writhing and rolling together until finally, clutching each other in hand, deep in a passionate kiss, we rolled together, and he pushed his hard length into me as I slid down and around every hot and hard inch of him. We gasped into each other's mouths when we were fully joined, but didn't break the kiss, didn't stop rolling, just moved deeper and pushed harder, and clutched closer.

And the ache... _God the ache_ _between my thighs_... it was soothed and massaged. My throbbing internal muscles were stretched and rubbed and kneaded inch by inch as he slid in and out and I rolled around and around and around...

With him, like this, nothing between us... it was nothing short of nirvana. I could feel every single inch of him, so _hot, _so _hard, _and so _large. _The way we fit was perfection. I wrapped around him so snugly that, with my supernaturally sensitive skin, and no barrier between us, I could feel every inch of smoothness, every vein, every ridge of him as his slid in and out, in and out... and I was a writhing live wire in his hands.

My legs wound around him, locked together at the ankle, just above the straps of my shoes – the only item of clothing to remain on either of us – and my arms ran repeatedly over his shoulders, down his back, over the curve of his waist and ass as they flexed back and forth and rocked in and out of me.

Soft cries, wordless pleas, whimpers, vowels of every sort floated out into the room. No words, there was no conscious thought of them on either of our parts. There was just _feeling. _I opened my connection to him early on, so that we could both hear each other. Our minds were full of senses, no thoughts, just feelings of fingers gliding over ribs, of legs wrapping over and around, of the smell of him, mixed with the smell of me, our sex hanging heavily over us in the air, of the sounds of panting, whimpering, murmuring... no thoughts... only senses... only him, only me... but really neither of them... just _us_.

And he kissed me everywhere his lips could reach – my face, my hair, my neck, my shoulder, my collar bone, my breasts – anywhere he could reach while we were still joined, _nothing_ was left untouched. And then there was the _actual_ touching... his hands, so large, so strong, were gentle, but demanding.

Rather than grab my breast, he clutched it in his hand firmly and attached his mouth to my nipple, while rolling his hips in time with his tongue. I gasped and panted and cried out into the growing daylight in the room. His persistent rolling sped, drove in deeper... so _deep_... my _GOD_... the places inside me that he touched... and with every roll, I countered, rubbing my sensitive bundle of nerves against his flesh, until finally he grunted out 'Ness', his hands flew around my body from my breasts to my ass, attaching themselves firmly there. He lifted me to him as he attacked my mouth and I wound my legs tighter, thighs pressing heavily into the flesh of his hips, as my nails dug into his back, and we pushed and pushed ... so hard... _so hard... so __**hard...**_

With a high pitched gasp and keen into his mouth and loud groan from him into mine, I collapsed around him, locking him into my depths, trapping him there as he pulsed... he stilled... and then the heat... thick, warm streams of liquid heat flowed out of him and into me.

And I melted.

My fingers released themselves from the flesh of his back. My hands slid down and over his sides to the soft mattress below as my legs mirrored the motion around his hips and, finally, my head lolled back when my spine turned to gel. I panted and laid there, spent, incoherent and utterly and completely loved, while he shuddered and collapsed onto me. He spared me his full weight with his forearms, but otherwise didn't move for a few minutes. When he did decide to move, he reached out and grabbed the white comforter, pulling it up and dragging it over our bodies. We rolled lazily, still joined, until I was lying on top of him, his arms were wrapped around me and my head was on his chest.

Exhausted... we fell asleep.

~~~000~~~

**JPOV**

It was early evening by the time Nessie and I finally decided to leave the bed. We made love repeatedly throughout the morning and afternoon. Every time, it was like the first time we got here. It was all raw passion and need. We were so lost in each other's bodies that we hadn't even spoken throughout the day, except for a random cry of her name or mine. I was blown away by the way we connected. It was desperate... almost primal. The only thing I could think of to explain it was that we were both finally letting go of any and all worries, there was no apprehension, no hesitation, just her and I literally _mating_ our minds, bodies and souls. We were one for _life_ now – there was nothing that could tear us apart.

Aside from my wife's growling stomach, that is. We'd woken up from another short nap at around five in the evening and were kissing again, with her straddling my stomach, inching closer and closer to where we both wanted her to be, when her stomach suddenly rumbled and gurgled so loudly it made us both break our kiss and bust out laughing. That put an end to our time in bed. We'd already missed breakfast and lunch, so we decided it was a good time to see what we could come up with for dinner.

I leaned on the granite countertop of the island as she rummaged through the fridge and freezer in the villa's kitchen for something to eat. Alice said that she would have the fridge and cupboards stocked for us by the time we got there and that they had arranged for a cleaning service to come once a week for the three weeks we were there too. I wasn't sure we'd be eating in all that much, because I didn't want either of us to have to worry about cleaning up afterward, but I had to admit, I was grateful for the fact that there was food around. We were both feeling a bit lazy, and neither of us made it to the shower the night before, so we were foraging for food with me in just my jeans and her in nothing but my shirt, still rumpled and smelling of sex.

But, trust me, I was _not_ complaining.

I watched as she bent over to check something out on the bottom shelf of the fridge and smirked as my shirt lifted just enough for me to catch a glimpse of the swells of her ass underneath it.

Yeah, the dress code was definitely a perk of eating in.

"Oh," she exclaimed as she reached for something in the back of the freezer, "what about pizza?"

She stood and turned to face me with a box of frozen pepperoni pizza in her hand and a smile on her face.

I chuckled at her expression.

"Since when are you excited to eat pepperoni?" I asked. She wasn't a big fan of cured meat of any kind. She said it was even worse than freshly cooked meat, because people tried to hide the cardboard taste with salts and preservatives.

She pouted and then rolled her eyes.

"Since _someone_ kept me from eating breakfast and lunch. I'm famished... I think I could eat _actual_ cardboard right now and be satisfied," she muttered while quickly opening the box, sliding the pizza out and popping it into the large toaster oven on the counter.

"Besides," she said as she began opening and closing cupboard doors, "Aunt Alice said that she made sure to have a cupboard stocked with plenty of..." she trailed off and frowned as she reached for the last cupboard on the end.

"Aha!" she chirped and then spun around. "See? Hot sauce!"

I laughed wholeheartedly now. It had been a while since I'd seen her act this relaxed and happy. And I was nearly bursting with pride about it. If this was what married life with my girl was going to be like, I was a very lucky man.

I walked around the island to wrap my hands around her tiny waist and kissed her full on the mouth. She kissed me back, but broke it off pretty quickly before things could get heated... again.

"Do you want some potato salad with it? I saw a container of the premade stuff in the fridge," she asked.

"Sure," I responded. I didn't have to give it much thought. I was starving, and I would normally eat one of those frozen pizzas on my own, so we would definitely need a couple of things on the side after missing two meals and expending so much energy in bed all day.

We huddled together on the large couch and ate pizza, potato salad and a loaf of garlic bread covered in cheese. We didn't really talk, except to ask each other to pass something, which I was kind of grateful for, because my stomach was like a bottomless pit at that point, and I was pretty focused on eating. It seemed like Nessie's was too because she ate four slices of pizza instead of her usual two and downed a third of the potato salad after that.

When we were done, and finally full, Nessie suggested that we take a bath. I noticed the large soaker tub in the middle of the bathroom next to a wall of windows facing the beach earlier this morning when I'd gotten up to use the bathroom. We'd probably get to soak and watch the sunset from there at this time of night. I told her I thought it was a great idea and asked her to get the bath running while I ran out to grab the luggage that had been sitting in the car all day. I guess I should have brought it in when we arrived, but I had other, much more important things on my mind at the time.

When I made my way back inside I noticed that she'd cleaned up our plates and the other containers and things from our supper and frowned a bit to myself. I should have told her not to do that. She'd just cooked for us, and I wanted to clean up. As I brought the bags to our room and laid them out on the bed I made a promise to myself that I would plan ahead for food and take care of all of that for the next few days so that she didn't have to. We could eat out, or order in... I just didn't want her doing anything other than relaxing and having fun.

The water turned on just as I was unzipping the large bag. I pulled out the smaller one inside that she'd packed our toiletries in and then debated for a second about grabbing pyjamas for after our bath. I didn't really want or need to wear them, and probably wouldn't for the rest of our trip, but maybe she would.

I shrugged to myself and smirked a bit, deciding to leave the pyjamas in the bag. I'd get them for her later, if she asked for them... but if she didn't, I wasn't going to be the one to remind her that she packed them. I'd be more than happy to give pyjamas up altogether and cuddle up next to her soft, naked and warm flesh every night for the rest of our lives.

When I walked into the large en suite I found Nessie standing in front of the vanity, running her fingers through her hair with a sigh. She'd left it curly for the wedding. It was the first time I'd seen her with it like that for months. She'd had it pulled to one side and over her shoulder for the wedding and it stayed that way for the entire trip here... until we made into the bed last night. I hadn't noticed while we were eating, but throughout the day, her hair had turned into a wild, fiery, bronze mess.

It was rumpled and huge and sticking up in places. I stared at it for a minute, all the while having little flashbacks of my hands running through it, grabbing handfuls of it, or her throwing it back, along with her head, while we made love. She was frowning at it, but I loved it.

_My girl had the best fucking sex hair. _

And it was all my fault. Yeah... that shit made a man proud.

I smiled softly and made my way over to stand behind her, set the toiletries bag down and wrapped my hands around her waist. I loved the way my shirt, which was huge on her, pulled up and in around her curves when I did that.

I smirked at her slightly exasperated expression in the mirror and leaned in to kiss her neck as she worked at another knot.

"It's not funny, you know," she mumbled quietly. If I didn't know her better I would have thought she was mad, but I could see the small smile that she was trying to fight off playing at the corner of her lips. "It'll take forever to get all these knots out," she said pointedly and worked her fingers through the large one she was holding up, slowly pulling it apart.

I hummed and nodded into her shoulder, but didn't respond the way she probably wanted me to. I was sure that she wanted me to apologize... but there was no way I was saying sorry for that, because that would have been lie. I didn't feel bad about it _at all_.

I did feel bad about her working through all of those knots on her own, though.

I reached forward, undid the bag on the counter and pulled out the bottle of expensive conditioner that she brought from home.

"Come on," I said, sliding my arm around her waist and leading her to the tub, "I'll help you with that." I figured it was only fair, since it was my fault the knots were there in the first place.

I smiled.

Yep. That shit really did make a man proud.

I watched as she pulled off my shirt and dropped it to the floor, before slipping into bath. My smile fell to a bit of a gape as I took in the sight of my girl's gorgeous body sliding down into a warm tub full of bubbles. She surprised me by sliding down and right under the water for a brief moment, before popping right back up and sitting so that just her head and shoulders were bared to me, leaving the rest of her hidden under the bubbles.

Well, I wasn't having any of that.

I quickly undid my jeans and dropped them, before climbing in the tub behind her, doing my best to ignore her somewhat incredulous smirk at my very hard and prominent erection. I shook my head slightly as I lowered myself down into the tub and widened my legs around her form in front of me. She had no idea what she did to me. I'd had her five, six... seven, maybe more... times in the last twelve hours and I was definitely ready to go again. I wasn't about to apologize for that either, though. She just... did that to me. I had the feeling that I could live buried inside her hot, sweet, perfect body, without a complaint in the world, and it still wouldn't be enough.

I wrapped my arms around her waist under the water, and pulled her closer to me, loving the feel of the slickness of the water against our skin. I made sure to keep her a couple of inches away from coming in contact with me. We needed to work on getting her hair sorted out, and we'd never get to it if she was in my lap. Besides, I kind of liked the idea of getting all those knots out, letting her straighten out her hair into silky strands and then getting to work on messing it up again. I had a feeling that 'straight' sex hair would be a bit different from 'curly' sex hair, and I couldn't wait to test that theory out.

We sat in silence while we worked through her hair. It took two large handfuls of conditioner, and a few rinses in between, but eventually we got all the knots out. When we were done, the sun was just beginning to set. Nessie let out a little of the water, and then ran more hot into it, because it had started to cool. After the tub was warmed she turned to face me with a bottle of gel soap and a couple of washcloths.

"I'll do you if you do me," she said wiggling the bottle and the cloths at me and waggling her eyebrows suggestively with a giggle.

I shook my head at her obvious double meaning and chuckled to myself.

_So fucking cute._

I loved it when she was like this. We'd always had a playful relationship, and I missed it when things got bad for us a couple of months ago. She really knew how to make me smile, and I loved that I could be counted on to do that for her too. Nothing made me happier than watching her smile.

"Deal," I said and reached out for one of the cloths before pulling her back toward me.

She settled in, nestling her perfect ass right up against my still hard length, making my breath hitch a bit as I bit back a moan. With that one little movement, all thoughts of getting clean in the tub quickly flew out of my mind and were replaced with thoughts of doing much, much dirtier things.

"You'd better be careful, baby," I whispered in her ear and then dragged one of the cloths out of her hand, up her arm and over the swells of her breasts, that were just peeking out at me over the bubbles. "We won't get much cleaning done that way," I murmured and then rocked my hips up, just slightly, letting her know exactly what she was doing to me by sliding up against me all wet, and hot and perfect as she was.

I didn't get any response from her other than a small gasp. I smirked to myself and let my mind wander to what that little gasp was about. Was it surprise... or...?

I dragged the cloth back over the front of her body, this time sweeping down and over the front of her breasts.

A shiver, hardened nipples and a second, louder gasp was all I needed from her to answer my question. And now that I had my answer, I decided to take full advantage of the situation. I had my girl, naked, wet and covered with bubbles, sitting in front of me in a bath, in a tropical paradise, bathed in orange light from the setting sun... and she wanted me.

Sexual fantasy number three on my list was about to become a reality. Nessie, in a bubble bath... that was the stuff my dreams were made of.

I ran the cloth down between the valley of her breasts, loving the way her breath hitched as I drew the cloth over her stomach. Sometimes it was the simplest and most innocent of touches that got to her. It was never the same way twice between us, and I fucking loved that. It was like there was a million different possible combinations of ways for me to touch her and bring her pleasure, and I was hell bent on discovering each and every one of them.

I washed her slowly, taking my time, running the cloth over the long expanse of her legs, the curves of her hips and waist, the crooks of her elbow, her shoulders and long neck. I avoided any more contact with her breasts, or the heaven between her thighs, because I knew that once I touched them, cleaning her would no longer be an option. She didn't move a muscle unless I asked her to, or nudged her gently myself. Her eyes were closed, her head had lolled back against my shoulder and her breath was getting heavier... but she was completely surrendering herself to my touch. I didn't even have to ask, she just... did it.

I felt my jaw harden a bit as my chest swelled with pride and my dick swelled again, with love and lust. I loved when we made love to each other, like we had countless times over the day today. I touched her, she touched me back. We pushed and pulled at each other, it was a beautiful give and take. But there was a part of me that needed her like this too. I'd let this part of me completely take over the night of our bachelor and bachelorette parties... and I felt him making his presence known now, too. It wasn't nearly as strong as it was that night, when I was nearly dying with the need to possess her in front of everyone around, but he was still there. I had a feeling he always would be, after that night.

But he wasn't in control right now. I was still Jake, with just a hint of the alpha running beneath the surface. He was responding to her willingness to let me lead and do whatever I wanted or needed to do with her, I was sure. It was what the alpha in me lived for – making the plan, and having it followed through, my way.

I inhaled and dropped the cloth, tired of the pretence of washing her. She was here, she was relaxed, happy, and she was waiting for me to make my next move. So I did.

I slid one hand up to cup her full breast and ran my thumb lightly over her nipple. The other started to make its journey down her flat stomach while I kissed and tasted the sweet skin of her neck. The body wash we were using was scented with vanilla, and was the perfect complement to her peachy, honeyed flavour. Between those flavours, and the slickness and heat from the bath water, it was like licking and sucking at peach cobbler, with vanilla ice cream on the side – only better, sweeter, more concentrated, more... _her_. I hummed in pleasure at the flavour and feel of it.

She whimpered a bit at my touch and let her hands and arms rest on the side of the tub. It was such a simple little movement, and it probably meant nothing to her, but it meant the world to me. At that moment, she was mine. She was literally laying back and letting me do anything I wanted to.

_God, how I fucking loved this woman._ When she did things like this, it was almost subconscious. I could tell that she didn't do it for me, even though it was just what I needed. It was just her – following her own instincts and doing what felt right without thinking about it. And it was always perfect for me. What felt right for her, was what I needed – every time. And right now, she needed to be loved, and I needed to love her _hard _and show her what she meant to me_. _

I reached down and let my other hand glide through the folds of her sex, groaning when I came into contact with the thicker wetness there that had nothing to do with the bathwater. I rubbed her gently, being careful to roll lightly around her sensitive bundle of nerves. In no time her hips were moving lightly in time with my finger, and then mine were moving with hers, rubbing my length softly against her back, getting whatever little bit of friction I could. I loved that I could make her body do that. She was just moving, all instinct, no thought again, just like she was last night. Only this time, I _was_ thinking. I was moving my hands and hips together, creating the same slow, rolling movement with my length against the small of her hack, as my thumb around her nipple and my finger around her tiny bundle. I had no idea how to play an instrument, but I was definitely good with my hands in other ways, and the way her body responded to me, I was pretty sure she was singing on the inside. Now all that was left was to get her to vocalize it. I could feel that I was pleasing her, but I needed to hear it.

I kissed my way up her neck and nuzzled her ear before whispering in it softly.

"Baby... I want to try something," I told her, because I wanted to do something we hadn't done before, and didn't want to surprise her out of her relaxed state. "Do you trust me?" I asked, and waited for her response.

She nodded. Just nodded and otherwise didn't move a muscle or say a thing.

She was waiting for me to make my next move. The leader in me loved that, and took a second or two to strut around in my subconscious swinging his caveman club over his head. I pushed him back a bit, not wanting to let him take over completely because I wanted to do this slowly, and let us enjoy every second of it.

Once he was contained, and just calling the shots again a bit in the background, I slid both hands down to the top inside of her thighs and parted them slowly. She didn't help, or resist, just moved as I wanted her to, and waited with slightly panted breaths for what was coming next.

I applied a bit of pressure to the inside of her thighs and lifted her a bit, slowly dragging her ass up, and over my aching length, to where I wanted her to be. When I was done, and literally throbbing with need for her, she was lying with her back flat against my chest, her upper body now halfway out of the tub leaving her breasts exposed and covered with bubbles. Her head was lolled so far back over my shoulder that her chin grazed my ear. She waited, and I let my hands slide around her legs, over the soft curve of her ass, and grip lightly on to her hips, shifting her down just slightly, so that just the tip of me slid into the heat of her heaven.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to her as her breath hitched a bit. She knew where I was going with this now. We'd had plenty of mind blowing sex, all of it with her facing me, whether she was beneath me or on top of me. This was new. And I wanted to make sure that she was okay with it before I went any further.

The response I got was silent, but it was the only one I needed. She relaxed every muscle in her body, including her arms that were holding her up a bit on the edges of the tub, and slid down on me, taking me in about another inch or so.

"Ohhhh _fuck,_ baby," I groaned and heard her moan lightly in response. I'd heard it was different this way. Good, but in a completely different way as it was when we faced each other. I just wished, for once, that at least one of the guys had been more specific. Because, _motherfuckinghell, _it was even _tighter_ than it was before. It was like some goddamn miracle, because the way she gripped on to me when we faced each other was practically all I could take, but this...

_Damn. _

I tightened my grip on her hips a bit and ground my teeth together. I was determined to make this good, so I was _not_ going to lose my shit early.

I took a deep breath, and inhaled her scent, trying hard to focus on her, and doing what I could to bring _her _pleasure instead of focusing on my own. I swallowed thickly and slowly, slowly lifted my hips, to work myself in further.

I had to use a bit of pressure on her hips too. It was just that _motherfucking _snug. And fuck, fuck, fuck, did it ever feel good.

After what felt like an eternity of slowly lifting and pushing I was finally all the way in.

"Mmmmmph."

The sound came from Nessie. It was high pitched and breathy, and really fucking sexy, except for the fact that it could have meant it was too much for her this way. If it was this tight for me... was it hurting her? I took a second to look at her body to try and decode the desperate sounding whimper. Her back arched and her thighs clenched, along with her fingers on the edge of the tub. That was it. There was more panting in my ear... but that could have gone either way too. So I had to ask...

"Baby," I whispered, and realized my breaths were coming out shakily like hers. "Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath – but didn't answer. She seemed unsure, so I wondered if I could help her relax and figure it out. I had a feeling she was probably feeling a mixture of pleasure and probably a tiny bit of pain. She would have told me if it was too much, I was sure of it, but I didn't want to continue if it was enough to make her feel too tense to enjoy it.

I ran one hand down between her legs and starting circling her bundle again, very slowly. I kept my hips and every other part of me completely still, wanting her to just focus on the pleasurable feelings, and forget the rest.

"Just feel me, Ness," I whispered in her ear as I stroked her softly. "Just relax and feel that," I murmured as I made a long pass around her bundle and down to where we were joined, then back up again.

I had to bite down on her shoulder a bit to hold back the moan of pleasure that threatened to break free from me when I slid my fingers over her and I together like that, because _damn_ if that wasn't the sexiest fucking thing ever... to feel us together like that under my own hand, just, _fuuuuuuck._

I heard her whimper again, this time a low and throaty sound, as I did it.

"Do you like that?" I whispered.

I picked up her right hand and gently brought it down to join mine.

Her breath hitched.

I moved our joined hands down her belly, over her bundle of nerves, to the spot where we were connected, and back.

She moaned... and relaxed instantly.

_Ohhhh, fuck, yes._

I didn't waste any time. I kept up our movements with our hands, slowly dragging them up and over her bundle, then down and over us... and started to move my hips.

At first, I rolled a couple of times, trying to let her really adjust to the position, and I swear to God I fucking felt every inch of soft, wet, hot, slick skin inside of her as I did.

I panted, and moaned.

She whimpered again and sighed out my name. And that's when I knew she was good to go. And it was a fucking good thing that she was, because I was on the brink of insanity with the feel of her around me like this. I needed to _move._

So, the next thing I did was slide an arm around her waist to hold her steady, and kept up our movements where we were joined with the other, before pulling back and almost all the way out of her, and then sliding all the way back in.

The heat... the motherfucking _friction _like this was second to none. It was incredible, and I needed more. Judging by the way her breath picked up and the soft moan that escaped her lips, I knew she needed it too.

I slid back out, both of us able to feel the movement this time with our hands too, and then pumped back in.

_So good. So motherfucking good. _

"Ohh, uunnn," she moaned breathlessly in my ear, "Jacob... please.'

_Oh fuck me, and motherfucking YES! You don't have to beg baby... I'll make it good, I promise._

And I did.

I started pumping in and out of her steadily, giving in to the need for more pressure and more friction. With every pass I drove in a bit harder, not a lot, just enough for her to feel the difference in pressure. I could feel the tip of my length gliding over and just past the sweet spongy spot inside of her that made her sing, and rolled my hips a bit into her as I stroked past it, time and time again. Within minutes the water in the tub was sloshing and splashing over the sides, and she panted and moaned every time I hit that sweet spot deep inside her. I grunted out a mouthful of curse words when she reached up with the hand that had been gripping the edge of the tub and wove it into my hair, pulling my head back and attacking my neck with her mouth while I – for lack of a better word – let the animal loose and proceeded to fuck my wife.

I picked up may pace, and drove into her hard, as she lay against me, working the angle that she loved, pumping into her with wild abandon. She writhed and cried out into my neck until suddenly, her entire body went stiff, her back arched and she came so hard that _I _saw stars.

I lost all sense of the world around me except for the fact that she was calling out my name as I pumped furiously, and almost uselessly into her orgasm, because with the way she was gripping onto me, I couldn't slide anywhere – not in, not out – I was literally caught up inside the depths of her.

As soon as she relaxed I pushed in again. In, out, white hot friction assaulted my length as the movement registered again and the blood flow that had been all but cut off rushed forward.

"Ness," I groaned out, my voice so deep and breathless that even I had trouble recognizing it.

She whimpered as I drove in harder, faster, desperately looking for my end until she gasped loudly, shuddered and clamped down on me one more time – and that was all it took.

I roared, literally roared like an animal, as I felt the wall break and the tightly wound cable of desire in my gut and balls snap, and I came, deep and hard, letting stream after stream of what I had empty into her.

I don't remember much after that. I lost track of time as she settled her body down onto mine under the water. I remember her body going slack and slumping a bit to the side. I remember wrapping my other arm around her to hold her up over the water, and I remember telling her I loved her, over and over again, mumbling it under my breath as the sun slipped down over the horizon.

When I finally came back down to reality we were still huddled together in a completely cold and bubble free bath. The moonlight was streaming through the windows and my beautiful wife was sleeping in my arms.

I shifted her softly and scooped her up before standing and stepping carefully over the edge of the tub. The floor was still wet, but it was tiled and we could wait to clean it up. I reached over and grabbed a towel while she shifted and nuzzled into my neck.

I wrapped her up as best I could and walked her over to the bed. I laid her down on it and tucked her under the covers on one side, before moving the bags from the other side of the bed to the floor.

And then I stood there, just staring at her. Lying there in the moonlight she looked just like she had on New Year's Eve. Her radiant skin was glowing, blue-white and her quickly drying hair was soft, shiny and luminous. I smiled and crawled in next to her, pulling her into my chest and kissed her shoulder. I fell asleep, one very happy and satisfied man, somewhere in the middle of my thoughts about the day we'd had today and what tomorrow would bring.

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**Honeymoon Part Two with Seth and Olivia, up next.**

_***Side note – If you are following this fic on Twilighted you know that I will soon be posting a companion fic to this one, called Lost Together, for Seth and Olivia. I am unsure about whether or not I'll be posting it here on Fanfiction, but if it's something you as readers are interested in, then I'll do it. It will cover how they met, how Seth found out about her past, how he unveiled the whole 'wolf thing' to her, and follow them through this fic and maybe a bit beyond. There will be coverage of things like the 'girls day' on the train, which we didn't see in here, and other glimpses into Jake and Nessie's everyday lives that we didn't see in this fic, through either Seth's or Olivia's eyes. **_

_**Please let me know in a review whether or not you are interested. If I get enough responses, I'll post here. If not, I'll let you know in an A/N when it has been accepted to Twilighted (it's already been submitted for acceptance) and you can follow there, if you choose to.**_

_**Thanks!**_

_**~H**_


	54. Love As it Was Made to Be

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 54 – Love, as it was Made to Be**

**"Sigh No More"**

Serve God, love me and mend  
This is not the end  
Lived unbruised, we are friends  
And I'm sorry  
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more  
One foot in sea, one on shore  
My heart was never pure  
You know me  
You know me

But man is a giddy thing  
Oh man is a giddy thing  
Oh man is a giddy thing  
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love; it will not betray you  
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free  
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment to cry  
Of my heart to see,  
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Love; it will not betray you  
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free  
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment to cry  
Of my heart to see,  
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Love; it will not betray you  
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free  
Be more like the man you were made to be

And there is a design, an alignment to cry  
Of my heart to see,  
The beauty of love as it was made to be

_Sigh No More ~ Mumford & Sons_

**JPOV**

The first two weeks of our honeymoon were great. And when I say great, I mean really, really great. We stayed in for the most part, after making the decision that we would do most of our sightseeing with Seth and Olivia during the week they were here. And I was glad we did. Nessie and I lounged around the house, in the yard, the hot tub, or on the beach. We weren't doing anything important, just talking, hanging out and relaxing. We got more use out of our swim suits than any other pieces of clothing in our luggage, when we were dressed at all. We made love more times than I could count, just falling into each other whenever and wherever the mood struck us – which happened a lot.

I grinned to myself as I ran my hand through her silky bronze locks and kissed the top of her head. She shifted a bit in her position on my lap. The midday sun was hot and beating down on us as we sat with our legs tangled together, my arms around her waist and the remnants of our lunch beside us. She was napping while the cleaning crew Alice had hired was taking care of the house. Seth and Olivia were flying in early this evening, so I was glad that the house would be cleaned and tidied before then, or I'd be worried that Seth would notice how well Nessie and I had christened the house before they got here.

I shook my head a bit, and stared down at my wife's peaceful face. She'd been so happy and relaxed for the past two weeks. Nothing could have made me happier. She deserved a chance to forget about life for a while and just – be.

The best part was that she hadn't had any nightmares since the night before our wedding. I was sure that it was one of the big reasons she could just let go and finally relax. It was hard for her to let go of everything that had happened to her because she was constantly reliving parts of it every night in her nightmares. I wasn't sure if she wasn't having them because of the change of scenery, or the fact that we were alone, with absolutely nothing to worry about, but every night she drifted off to sleep in my arms, and every morning she woke up well-rested and nightmare free.

A warm breeze floated over and around us blowing her soft hair up into my face a bit. We were lying in a lounge chair in the back yard of the villa, just feet from the private beach and the ocean. I inhaled a bit as I pulled her hair back, taking in the combined scents of sand, salt water and Nessie.

"Hmmmm," I hummed under my breath. Her scent seemed stronger here, almost amplified. I noticed it for the first time about a week ago, when we'd come out of the hot tub and I was helping her dry her hair. It was sweeter, heavier, more pronounced – especially in the heat and humidity, like we were now. Hanging out in Forks and La Push didn't really give us any opportunity to be in hot and humid weather. Summer days in our part of Washington State were always dry, and warm – nothing like this. Nessie was surprised the first day we made it out of the house and headed out to the beach. I knew she'd never experienced heat and humidity like this. I had, once, years ago when we came to visit my sister for a week, so I was a little more prepared than she was. It wasn't like either one of us felt the heat too badly. But the air was definitely thicker and more saturated, and it was like I could feel the heat pressing on my skin, which was rare for me. So I was sure that it was a bit different for Nessie too.

She liked it though, and because of that we'd spent a lot of time outside, sitting in the sun listening to music, swimming and walking in the sand on the beach. She even spent some time writing a new song, and said she couldn't wait to get home and try it out with the guitar. But mostly, we spent our time wrapped up in each other's bodies, making out or making love. Outside, inside... it didn't matter to us. For the record, sex on the beach for humans is awkward because sand gets in places and irritates the skin. Sex on the beach for _us_... was just... _hot_.

That reminded me to take a second and run over my little list of fantasies and check off the ones we'd done... and add a few more.

Bubble bath – check.

Shower – check.

Hot tub – check.

Kitchen – check... and double check. I smirked and hoped that the cleaning crew had some really strong stuff to clean those granite countertops. Which reminded me...

Bathroom vanity – _motherfucking check_. I groaned as I felt my body react to that one. Just the memory of walking up to her while she stood at the vanity after our shower last Thursday morning, kissing her long, beautiful neck, watching as my hands roamed all over her soft, sweet skin, letting her hairbrush drop to floor, and watching in the mirror as I lifted one of her legs up onto the cool black granite and slipped into her heat from behind... was enough to make me as hard the granite I was imagining.

I shifted in my seat a bit sliding her down and away from me a little, trying to be careful so that I wouldn't wake her up, but needing to get some of the pressure off of me, because she sitting right _there_, and driving me crazy. I sighed a bit in relief when she just nuzzled her face into the crook of my shoulder and bare chest, and didn't wake up.

I felt better with a little room between us, so I decided to keep going. I knew I was tempting my luck, but I didn't like doing this when she was awake. She found out about my little list on our third day here, when I let something slip about the kitchen being number five. I thought for sure she would have been embarrassed or maybe even a little pissed at me for having a list of places I wanted to be with her in... I mean, a guy doesn't just come up with a list like that overnight, so she pretty much knew, after she asked me how many items were on it and I answered her honestly, that I'd been thinking about this _way_ before the first time we'd actually made love. To be honest, the first time was the night before our first date. I was in bed trying to calm down from that amazing kiss we shared in the hallway, when I started to drift off to sleep and the fantasy I'd been trying to ignore when I was awake came roaring to life in my dream.

Nessie and I against wall – _mmmmm, fuck – _aaaand check. Make that triple check... bedroom, bathroom, living room...

I shook my head, trying to focus.

Couch – check.

Chairs, indoor and outdoor – check.

And then finally, the one that topped them all...

Beach – check... double check... triple check... quadruple check.

Nessie, naked on a beach, is something that I have trouble describing, even in my thoughts. Her skin is so soft and beautiful in the sunlight. She doesn't tan, but the sun brings out the peach undertones in her skin and makes it look like she's flushed. And with the way the sun reflects off of it, she almost seems like she's glowing. She doesn't sparkle like fireworks on the fourth of July, like the rest of her family does, she just seems to catch the sun's rays and radiate them back outward a bit. That, combined with the increased potency of her scent, and the saltwater or sand stuck to her skin in places I could brush or lick off of her, made her very hard to resist out there on the beach.

I have to admit to not making much of an effort, though. She certainly didn't seem to mind. I was glad that she seemed to be just as into making love with me as I was with her. I would have felt a bit guilty about it otherwise. I noticed last week that she started eating a bit more, and sleeping for longer periods of time. Not much. The change was subtle, but it was there. She took a nap yesterday too. I was a bit worried that maybe I was tiring her out. I had better stamina than she did, because she was half human. But she didn't complain or turn me down, not even once. As a matter of fact, I think I'd say that she initiated things between us just as often as I did, which made me feel a whole lot better.

"Mmmmmm, Jake," I heard her whisper lightly after pulling in a deep breath against my chest.

I chuckled under my breath, wondering if she was awake or still sleeping lightly. She hadn't had any nightmares since we'd been here, but that didn't mean she wasn't dreaming. I'd been woken up more than once by Nessie's soft sighs and moans, and more often than not she was happy to have me wake her up and look after her after _those_ kinds of dreams too.

I brushed her hair aside a bit so I could see her face.

When I looked down, she was awake, her eyelids fluttering as she took in a long deep breath, nose lightly skimming along my chest.

"You smell so good," she murmured, and then kissed me lightly.

I inhaled her scent again through her hair, loving that on top of it being stronger and more saturated since we got here, it had also been laced with mine. It was incredible to pull in the scent of us, mixed together. That no matter where she went or what she was doing, she was taking my scent with her. I knew humans couldn't detect the scents, but I was still proud as all hell having her walk around smelling like me.

It marked her as taken. It marked her as loved. It marked her as _mine._

"You too, baby," I responded before kissing hair.

She inhaled again, deeply this time, and held it, before letting it out slowly while shaking her head.

"No," she whispered, "you smell, really, _really_ good, Jake."

She inhaled once more, this time shifting a bit, letting her nose skim along my chest, and up to my neck, where she kissed me slowly with an open mouth, licking me a bit in the process.

"Unnnn," I moaned and slid my arms around her. She was definitely waking up from one of those dreams. I could feel it in the way she touched me, running her fingers purposefully over my chest, and I could smell it in the light scent of her arousal just beginning to seep out into the air around us.

She kissed my jaw and shifted her body up to straddle me, nestling her heat up against my length.

I kissed her back slowly and let my hands wander down to her ass, pressing her into me.

We made out for a little while like that, kissing and grinding against each other on the lawn chair, before I pulled back and laid my forehead against hers, panting a bit.

"Ness."

"Mmmm," she answered, inhaling another deep breath against my neck and kissing me again.

"Ness, the cleaning crew are still here, baby." I had a feeling she'd forgotten that we weren't alone.

"Mmm hmm," she said and pressed into me, winding her hips in a slow circle, making me moan and forget for a minute what we were talking about.

After another moment of kissing and grinding I remembered we were talking about the cleaning crew and brought it up again before she could distract me.

"Baby, we can't do this here... not right now," I whispered against the soft skin of her shoulder, before kissing it as she was kissing mine.

She slumped forward a bit, laid her forehead on my shoulder, and sighed deeply.

"Sorry, Jake," she whispered and then swallowed thickly.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Don't be," I told her honestly, "I'm not. I just figured you'd rather not... you know... with an audience, that's all." Personally, I didn't care one way or the other. I didn't know the cleaning crew, and the odds of us seeing them again before we left were minimal, because they weren't due to come back until we were already gone. But I didn't think Nessie would be okay with them seeing us.

I heard her sigh again and felt her shake her head, and then tighten her grip on my shoulders with her fingers.

"You're right. It's just... I just..." she whimpered and shifted into me again lightly.

My breath hitched a bit as I heard the desperate undertone in her voice. That must have been some dream.

"Jake..." she whispered, and kissed my shoulder lightly again, "I... I _need_ you."

_Oh God. Need. She said need. Damn it, Jake, think fast. I can't ignore the need in her voice. I can't._

"Baby..." I breathed and kissed her neck lightly before skimming my nose along her neck and up to her ear, "tell me what you want me to do."

I decided that I wanted her to let me know what she needed, and what she was comfortable with. I knew I couldn't let it go, though. Cleaning crew or not, my girl was getting exactly what she asked for. I was a bit confused about how desperate she was sounding... but I wasn't in the right frame of mind to figure it out. The only thing I knew was that she needed me... and what Nessie needs, Nessie gets. It's the only rule I live by.

Her breath hitched and caught in her throat, hearing the promise in my words.

Her hands lowered to my shoulders slowly, and I closed my eyes. Colours swirled around, deep ocean blues, crisp whites and bold greens for the water, sand, grass and trees. They settled into a picture of our surroundings before a haze with a mix of peachy white and copper tan settled in the middle and formed a picture of her and me, bikini and swim trunks still on, but shifted to the side, sliding together on this chair under the sun.

I didn't waste any time after that. I slid one hand down to the bottom of her suit, one hand to the waistband of mine, shifted them so that we were both exposed to the hot spring breeze, and then slowly slid into her heaven.

I heard her loud sigh and felt her body melt back against my raised knees once I was all the way in. When I opened my eyes she was leaning back, with her hair hanging over my knees, the sun kissing her skin, and her face was angelic. She was smiling. And then so was I.

I shifted up into her slowly, just barely moving, but enough so we could both feel it, and heard her moan quietly in ecstasy.

"I love you," she whispered and countered my small movement with a tiny shift of her own.

"I love you, too," I murmured back and then got to work, focusing on my wife, and drowning in what it felt like to be loved and needed by her.

~~~000~~~

"I'm in for zip-lining, Jake, that looks awesome," Seth said as he looked over the list of things Nessie and I said we wanted to try over the following week while they were with us.

I'd gone to pick them up at the airport and had gotten back a couple of hours ago. Seth and Olivia got settled into their room and then we started getting ready for dinner. We decided to head to a Thai restaurant for the night, seeing as it was Olivia's favourite, and apparently the baby's favourite too. Thai food usually had enough spice for Nessie as well, which was a good thing. She hadn't complained about food once in the past two weeks, which was unusual for her, and she actually even admitted to liking the vanilla ice cream I got her to try a couple of days ago. She said something about it reminding her of me, which I thought was kind of weird since my favourite dessert was anything that had to do with peaches – for obvious reasons – but she just smiled and licked her spoon like she had a secret that she didn't want to share.

"Surfing looks like fun too. I wonder if it's safe for Olivia to try? She loves being in the water," he mused and then frowned.

"I don't know," I replied, trying to think of whether or not I'd ever heard of someone surfing while pregnant, but coming up empty. "The same place advertised renting water tubes and loungers, though, so she could always float out on one of those while we get lessons," I suggested.

I thought about the list of things we thought of doing while we were in Hawaii, and made sure to remind myself that we should stick to some of the less physical activities with Olivia here. I didn't want her feeling like she was being left out. Bella always used to pout a bit when she was human and got a bit bent out of shape that the rest of us could do so much more than she could.

"That sounds great, actually, Jake," I heard Olivia say softly from behind me.

I turned around to see her and Nessie make their way down the hallway and into the living room, both in sundresses. I smiled at Olivia's friendly and relaxed tone. She was always really shy around me, right from the beginning. At first I thought that it was just her personality, which it was to an extent, but after hearing a bit more about her past, I knew that a large part of how much she used to shy away from me was because she had issues with trusting men, not that I blamed her. She was really comfortable around me now, and didn't stutter or sound nervous at all in my presence, which I was glad for. Seth and I were pretty good friends, and Nessie and Olivia hit it off right from the start, so I was glad she was feeling comfortable with me, so the four of us could hang out without things being uncomfortable or awkward.

I glanced over at Nessie as she approached me and wrapped her arms around my waist with a smile. She looked gorgeous in her simple light green sundress and heels. The restaurant we were headed to wasn't a dressy place, so the girls weren't wearing anything too fancy, but they both looked amazing anyway. I always liked Nessie better when she kept things simple and just let her natural beauty speak for itself, like it was doing now.

"You look great," I told her and leaned down to give her a kiss.

"Mmm," she hummed against my lips and pulled back with a smile, "thank you. So do you."

I was just wearing jeans and a black shirt, with buttons this time instead of a t-shirt. But I knew how much she liked this combo after the night of our bachelor and bachelorette parties, and these were the same jeans. I had to get a new shirt to go with them, but her reaction was worth the ribbing I got from Alice for losing the first one.

I grabbed the keys for the rental car off the counter behind me and took Nessie's hand. Seth and Olivia followed us out the door and into the car. Once we were all in, I flipped on the GPS, typed in the address for Thai Valley Cuisine, and then we were on our way.

The on-line reviews for the restaurant didn't lie. The service was great and the food was even better. We all had a good laugh when Olivia ordered a second helping of Pad Thai instead of dessert. She was still very tiny, but over the last couple of weeks her belly had definitely grown. She was really cute. I noticed that Seth took every opportunity to rub and touch that little belly that he could find. I caught his eye, smirking at him and raising an eyebrow, as he did it again.

He just shrugged and smiled lightly.

"The baby started to move last week," he said quietly, while Olivia blushed and smiled back at him.

I smiled widely and nodded.

"That's great. Are you two planning on finding out what you're having?" I asked. I knew that Seth wanted to be surprised, but I had no idea what Olivia wanted, and we all knew that if she said she wanted to know, Seth would happily go along with her.

"No," Olivia said with a small shake of her head, "we both want it to be a surprise."

I ordered dessert next, and Nessie actually pouted a bit because vanilla ice cream wasn't on the menu. I chuckled and promised to pick some up for her on the way home if she wanted it that much. She smiled at that, which made me smile in return.

"So," Nessie said curiously while looking over at Olivia after the waiter left with our orders, "is it weird, feeling the baby move? Does it hurt?"

Olivia looked surprised at Nessie's question, but I wasn't. It made sense for her to have questions about it. She'd been around people that were pregnant before, but Jared's wife Kim was the only one who'd been pregnant recently, and they weren't close enough that Nessie would feel comfortable asking questions. She was too young to care when the others were having babies. She really wouldn't have a clue about most of it. And because of what she knew about her mom's pregnancy with her, and what she saw while she was gone, I figured that it made sense for her to expect it to hurt.

"No," Olivia said gratefully, "at least not yet. I heard that it can, though, when the baby is bigger. So I'm trying to enjoy it now. It's kind of hard to describe." She pursed her lips and looked down at her tea while she thought about it. "I think the best way to put it, is to say that it feels like I've got a fluttering bird in there. It's pretty... amazing actually."

I smiled and chuckled at the scene in front of me as Seth leaned down and kissed her lightly on her lips, with one hand on her belly. I knew Olivia wasn't a fan of public displays of affection, but Seth really couldn't seem to help himself at the moment. I couldn't say that I blamed him for that, because I was pretty sure that I would be the same or worse if the situation was reversed.

Seth smiled and Olivia blushed deeply when he pulled away, just in time for the desserts to be delivered to the table. I heard Nessie gasp in delight when she eyed my dessert, because sitting on top of my banana lumpia... was a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

I turned toward her excited face and said nothing, just handed her the spoon, while I used my fork from dinner to dig into the bananas covered in deep fried pastry, honey and cinnamon.

I laughed when her eyes rolled in the back of her head with her first spoonful of ice cream. I'd never seen her enjoying human food that much before.

"Good?" I asked as she quickly reached out for another spoonful.

"Mmm... so good," she breathed and took her second bite.

We were about half way through our dessert, when Olivia decided to give up on her second helping of Pad Thai after only eating a third of it. Seth was trying to get her to share, but she said she wanted it boxed for tomorrow.

"Just one bite, Liv, please?" Seth asked, looking at her with a sad set of puppy dog eyes while I chuckled at his lame attempt to persuade her.

She shook her head and smiled, before nodding and giving him a forkful. Seth smiled smugly and gave me a look that clearly said 'I told you so' while Olivia rolled her eyes... then dropped them to Nessie's next spoonful of ice cream.

Nessie stopped with the spoon halfway toward her mouth and smiled at her. Olivia might not have been begging like a sad puppy, but it was easy to see from the look on her face that she wanted some of what Nessie was having.

"Want some?" she asked, while Olivia bit her lip shyly and nodded.

"Here," Nessie said and rose halfway out of her seat to reach across the table with the spoon for Olivia.

It never made it to her, though. Nessie froze halfway, and choked out a gasp, before the spoon fell to the table with a clatter, splattering a bit of ice cream on the table and on each of us.

I shot out of my seat, vaguely noticing a deep voice cursing loudly from the kitchen, and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She was frozen in place, halfway over the table, still gasping and choking.

"Ness, what's wrong?" I asked frantically, pushing her hair out of her face to get a better look at her.

Her eyes were closed tightly, her face pulled up into a disgusted grimace, and her skin was pale.No, not pale. It was worse than pale. It was almost as green as the light green of her dress.

I had no idea what was wrong. Nothing I saw or heard around me indicated any kind of danger. I glanced over at Seth to see him looking around frantically and sniffing the air. He had strongest sense of smell, better than any of us wolves, and I knew that if he was sniffing around for danger, he'd smell if before I would. His eyes zeroed in on the kitchen, then widened.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath and turned to face me. Our eyes locked. "Blood."

"Oh no," I mumbled under my breath, wondering how she managed to catch the scent before him. Seth could sniff things out well before she could. I knew her senses were heightened to it, after what she'd been through, but I was shocked that she'd been the one to catch it first. She caught it even before the guy who hurt himself had a chance to scream.

I shook my head quickly to clear it, knowing that I didn't have time to think about that, and turned my attention back to Nessie, who was now shaking and gasping in tiny breaths.

"Hold your breath, baby," I told her and shoved both of our chairs back with my legs. The waiter approached us just as we turned around, with our bill.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, and reached in my back pocket for my wallet. I tossed it at Seth and hurried Nessie toward the door, while Seth paid the bill and Olivia made excuses for Nessie, saying that she had the flu.

I tucked her under my arm as we stepped out into the parking lot and hurried her away from the door, trying to get to the car.

"We're outside now, Ness, in the fresh air. You can breathe again," I said to her quietly as we made our way slowly to the car.

I calmed myself down as we walked our next few steps, trying to prepare for the flashbacks and panic attacks she was likely to have any second now. I saw and felt what happened to her when they brought her human blood while we were recovering. I'd also been around her every time she attempted to drink animal blood since then, and none of it went well.

About half way to the car, she froze in my arms, and bowed forward and for the first time in her life... she gagged and got sick.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. This was bad – worse than any other reaction I'd seen from her. I held her up with an arm around her shoulder and used my other hand to hold her hair back.

When she stopped vomiting, she started shaking again and began to cry. My heart broke for her. She was still green and looked absolutely repulsed at what she'd just done.

"Shh, baby, it's ok," I said as I rubbed her back. I turned her gently toward the direction of the car and took some small steps with her. It was hard because she was shaking so much that her legs were wobbly underneath her, but she moved with me slowly.

"Take a few deep breaths, Ness," I whispered and took one myself, hoping she'd copy me – but she didn't. She seemed to be trying to hold it again. I didn't question it. I knew that she'd stop holding her breath when she was ready.

Seth and Olivia made their way out of the restaurant and into the parking lot just as we made it to the car. Seth was still talking to the waiter, who followed them out because he was worried about whether or not the food had made Nessie sick, reassuring him that she wasn't feeling well long before we got there. Olivia frowned at the sight of Nessie and hurried a bit, picking up her paces to get to us faster.

She noticed the vomit on the ground as she made her way over. She frowned and reached into her bag as she was walking.

"Here," she said, holding out her hand with a small yellow candy sitting in the centre of it. "It's ginger candy. It's supposed to help with nausea. I'm not sure if it'll work for her, but, um, if she's feeling sick, she might want to try it. She ate ginger in the Thai food tonight and it didn't bother her so..." she trailed off and shrugged her shoulder at me.

I reached out and took it, deciding that it was better than nothing and might actually be a welcome distraction for her, but never got the chance to find out. The door to the front of the restaurant swung open, and before I could even see who was pushing it, Nessie bent over and retched again, violently. I could feel her entire body collapsing inward a bit with the force of it. It was horrible.

Olivia gasped and backed out of the way just in time, before gagging herself. She covered her mouth and nose, but her eyes were locked on the remnants of Nessie's dinner on the ground for a few seconds. She snapped out of it quickly, looked over at me apologetically, and then hurried over to the other side of the car where Seth was.

I held Nessie's hair again as she got sick, twice. The man who had cut himself in the kitchen was the one who walked out of the door, with his finger covered in just a bit of gauze. It must not have been enough to stop the bleeding. I could smell a trace of the metallic scent of fresh blood as he made his way to his car. And if I could smell it, I knew that Nessie would definitely be affected by it, even if we were outside. We needed to get her out of there – fast. Once the guy was in his car I looked over at Seth, caught his eye, and tossed him the keys. He unlocked the doors and I opened one of the back ones, sat down and pulled Nessie in, onto my lap. She was a mess. She was gasping , still gagging a bit, and crying. I held her and shushed her quietly as her hot tears flowed down her face on to the front of my shirt.

When Seth put the car in gear I rubbed her back and held her closely, whispering softly in her ear, trying to keep her distracted. I was hoping to avoid the flashbacks by reminding her that she wasn't _there_, and keeping her in the present.

"It's okay, baby, one of the chefs hurt himself. It was nothing. You're fine, everything's fine," I tried to reassure her, even though I knew everything was far from fine. This was not going to be easy for her. We'd all hoped that with a little time and distance from it, her reaction to blood would get better. Unfortunately, it seemed like the opposite was happening.

I was trying to stay calm for her, but my heart was beating a mile a minute in my own chest because I was really worried about her. She hadn't stopped shaking yet, and was still crying into my shirt. Every once in a while, her body jerked like she was gagging again, and then she would settle. I smoothed one hand over her back and used the other to rub one of her hands, because I wanted access to her palms, but her hands were both locked in tight fists on her lap.

We were about a block and half from the villa when her behaviour changed for the worse. Her entire form froze, and her muscles locked down as she curled up into a very familiar little ball on my lap. Within seconds she started whispering to herself quietly, chanting the same phrase over and over again.

"I will not feed, I will not kill, I will not let him win," she whispered over and over again. It was too low for Olivia to hear, but Seth caught every word. He glanced at us in the rear view mirror just as we were pulling in to the driveway and I could see from his expression that he was curious about what he was hearing from her.

"Flashbacks," I murmured softly, and saw him shake his head, as a horrified look drifted over his face and settled into his eyes.

"Jesus," he muttered softly, earning him a reproachful glance from his wife. "Sorry, Liv, she's just in really bad shape," he apologized and stopped the car.

As soon as we were parked, Seth hopped out and opened the door closest to us, while Olivia went up the walk ahead of us to open the front door.

I slid out of the car with her on my lap and stood, carrying her tightly curled up and tense body in my arms.

When we walked in I headed straight for our room, while Seth and Olivia said to call them if we needed anything. I nodded and thanked them before shutting the door behind me with my foot and carrying her straight to our bed.

I laid her on her side and climbed in behind her, folding my body around hers and pulling her into my chest. She stayed curled up and showed no signs of noticing that she'd been moved to a new place. With the first soft whisper and moan that escaped her I knew that she was back _there_ and would most likely be trapped in those horrible memories for the next couple of hours.

A minute or so after we laid down, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," I said softly.

Seth opened the door and walked over to the side of the bed. He set down a bottle of water, and a couple of the ginger candies, before leaning over and handing me a warm washcloth.

"Olivia wanted to come in and clean her up a bit, like Nessie did for her when she was sick... but I told her it probably wasn't a good idea for her to be near Nessie right now," he murmured.

I thought about Olivia's swollen belly and the scent of her blood, even though she wasn't bleeding... the combination of seeing someone pregnant, along with her scent, would probably be more than enough to send Nessie over the edge. I decided that Seth was right, and thanked him for keeping Olivia out for now. He had an idea about what had happened to Nessie when she was taken, he'd seen bits of it through my thoughts. I tried hard not to let it through, but sometimes something would remind me, and I would slip up. He knew enough from what he'd seen to know that Nessie being around pregnant humans in this frame of mind was a bad idea.

"I've got it, Seth," I replied and held tightly to the cloth in my hand. I wasn't even sure if it was a good idea to try and touch her face near her mouth while she was in that dark place in her mind. But she was a bit of a mess, and I didn't want to leave her like that if I didn't have to. I needed some advice... and knew just who I needed to call to get it.

I reached back and fished my phone out of my pocket, as Seth left the room and shut the door quietly behind him. I wanted to make this call before the screaming started, which could be any time.

I hit speed dial number three and waited.

"Jacob, how are you?" I heard Carlisle ask when he picked up after the second ring.

I let out a deep sigh and answered him honestly.

"I'm worried, doc. Sorry to call with bad news, but if you have a minute, I really need to ask you about something."

"Of course, Jacob, any time," he responded. "What has you worried? Is Nessie ok?" He got straight the point, knowing that if I was calling him on our honeymoon with a worry, it had to be about her.

"No," I answered quietly, and started to explain what happened at the restaurant earlier tonight. He let me get the entire story out, up until where we were at the moment, without interrupting. It was something I'd always respected about Carlisle, he knew when to ask questions and when to let someone talk.

"How many times was she sick, Jacob?" he asked quietly.

"Three," I said softly, stroking her hair, while she trembled in my arms. She was tensing up again and started to rock herself a bit, alerting me to the fact that really bad memories were just around the corner.

"I wouldn't do anything more for her than what you're doing right now. Hold her, comfort her, and keep her from hurting herself if you can..." he trailed off a bit and I immediately slid my hands around her body and locked them on her wrists. He was right, the scratching was bound to come sometime soon, and I could keep her from hurting herself with it if I kept her hands away from her body.

With the phone propped between my shoulder and my ear I continued my conversation with him, while she started to struggle a bit against me and moan.

"Got it," I said, pulling her hands away from her.

"Jacob, I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure why it's gotten worse. I think you'll need to try and talk to her about it in the morning, or whenever she recovers. I need to know more about what she was feeling at the time she got sick to be able to discern why it happened," he said quietly.

It made sense. I hated that I couldn't have an explanation, but there was nothing I could do but wait this out, and call him again in the morning once I knew more from her.

Her first scream ripped through her then, as her hands clawed uselessly in the air in front of her.

I vaguely remember promising Carlisle that I would call him when she was settled, before letting the phone slide down and away from my ear to the mattress. I didn't worry about ending the call, it would hang up on its own a little while after he did.

I held her as she screamed again and thrashed a bit with her hands, keeping an eye on the clock the whole time. The first time this happened, on the train, it lasted about half an hour. I silently prayed that it would be the same this time, but I didn't know for sure. I was too worried about taking care of her to time it the last few times this happened.

Over the next little while she screamed herself hoarse, and tore through the fabric of the comforter and a bit of the mattress with her fingers. It lasted longer than I'd hoped. It was just over an hour before it finally stopped, and she collapsed in my arms.

I breathed a large sigh of relief and released her wrists, rubbing them a bit and checking them for redness. I had to hold on pretty tight to keep her from getting at her throat, and I was worried that I might have hurt her a bit, even though I tried my best not to. I only held her as tightly as I needed to, but it was tighter than I wanted to. I was relieved when they seemed to look fine.

I was worried about the night's new addition to her reactions to the flashbacks. She'd lurched repeatedly, her body bowing forward at her stomach. I wasn't sure, but it sounded like she was gagging again, even in her dreams and through all of her screaming. I didn't even want to imagine what that was like for her if that was the case. It must have been a horrible addition to her already painful memories.

When it was finally over, she was exhausted, and either passed out or went straight to sleep, so I laid back with her and picked up my phone. I sent Carlisle a quick text to tell him that the worst was over and that I'd call him after talking to her in the morning. I hadn't noticed, but while Nessie was screaming I received a text from Bella, asking me to call her or Edward and let them know if she was alright. I texted them with the same message I sent Carlisle and then set the phone down on the nightstand.

I closed my eyes, but avoided trying to sleep. I was worried, knowing that she'd probably have a nightmare after what she went through tonight, and didn't want to make it worse by having one of my own. It didn't happen often, but the few times that it had, it always scared Nessie almost as badly as when she had her own. I didn't really need the sleep, so I just rested beside her and held her, letting my hand run up and down her arm gently, waiting for the nightmares to begin.

The whimpering started at two in the morning. The screaming started again forty five minutes later. She woke up crying twice, once around three thirty and again at five. To say that it was a long night was an understatement. It was the worst one she'd had yet.

She finally seemed to get some peaceful sleep around six, and rested quietly until about nine. I must have drifted off somewhere in there, because the next thing I remembered was being startled awake when the bed shifted under me. I opened my eyes to see her walking towards the bathroom.

I decided to let her clean herself up and have a few moments to herself before going to check on her. She was always really quiet after a bad night, and would probably want some time to gather her thoughts a bit before we talked.

I stretched, got out of bed, and tossed my dirty shirt to the floor. It was covered in dry tears and a bit of vomit from the night before. Seth and Olivia were cuddled together on the couch, watching a movie and eating some fruit when I made my way out into the large living room.

Seth sat up and they both glanced over at me with tired and concerned eyes.

"How's she doing?" Seth asked.

"Okay," I replied just as we heard the bath water start to run from the en suite in the master bedroom.

"I cooked some waffles, eggs and bacon," Olivia said quietly and nodded toward the stove, where a couple of plates sat. 'There's enough for both of you, if you want it."

I smiled, and then yawned while nodding my head.

"Thanks, Olivia. You didn't have to do that," I said, not wanting her to cook on her week's vacation, especially not after having a rough night with little sleep.

"It's the least I could do," she said with a small smile. "I wish I could be of more help. Nessie was really good to me when I wasn't feeling well. I just want to return the favour."

I shook my head at her. The girl had a heart of gold. She didn't give a second thought to putting her entire life on hold and running away with us while Nessie was being stalked by that sick bastard vampire, and even felt like she owed Nessie something for taking care of her while she was suffering with morning sickness.

"There's no need," I replied honestly and smiled at Seth. If we could pick someone to be the heart of the pack, it would be Seth. He was a really good guy and Olivia was an incredibly sweet girl. Those two were really made for each other. I couldn't have chosen a better girl for him if I hand-picked her myself.

I made my way over to the stove and dove into the food, humming in appreciation when I noticed that the waffles were fresh. Seth chuckled at my expression when he caught me appreciating the waffles.

"Good, huh?" he asked.

I nodded and swallowed down the bite that was in my mouth.

"Damn, Olivia, you've been holding out on us. These are really good," I said as she blushed and smiled.

"They're Seth's favourite. I thought Nessie might like them with a little vanilla whip cream on top," she said, pointing to the fridge.

My eyebrows shot up and I wandered over to open the fridge, where, sure enough, there was fresh whipped cream sitting in a covered bowl on the top shelf.

I chuckled and told Olivia that I thought she'd love it, before grabbing the juice and heading back to my breakfast. I ate in silence standing at the island countertop, enjoying my meal, until I hear sniffling coming from the bathroom.

I set down my plate and fork, abandoning my breakfast, and headed down the hallway to comfort my wife.

I found her sitting in the tub, surrounded by bubbles, with her knees drawn up and her head in her hands on top of them. My heart went out to her, just watching her slim form shake with silent sobs. Things had been going so well for her lately. I knew it would be devastating for her to take such a large step back.

I slid my jeans and boxers off and approached the tub, asking her softly if she wanted some company. She nodded yes, so I climbed in behind her and wrapped my arms and legs around her as I sat.

She turned and leaned into me, wiping her eyes before opening them and looking at me tiredly.

"I'm sorry, Jake," she whispered and kissed my shoulder lightly.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I told her honestly and kissed her forehead. She always felt guilty after having a bad night, because she said she was keeping me from sleep and didn't like to worry me. But it wasn't like it was her fault. I've never minded. She was so strong going through all of it in the first place. The least I could do was support her and take care of her when she forced to relive it all again. I only wished I could do more. I'd give my left arm to be able to take the memories and nightmares away from her. She didn't deserve to live through it in the first place... never mind having to deal with it all coming back to haunt her in her dreams.

I stroked her hair softly until she looked up at me again. I took in her tired eyes, defeated expression and pale face, and frowned. She wasn't usually so drained after a bad night. But she had been sick, and that had never happened to her before, so I wondered if she still wasn't feeling well.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked her quietly, searching her face for any hint of her usual peachy colouring. I couldn't find any, and that scared me. She was in bad shape.

"I feel better, not sick anymore... I think," she said and scrunched up her face a bit like she was trying to figure it out. It had to be confusing for her, because getting sick in any way was new.

"Does your stomach hurt?" I asked and ran the back of my hand lightly over the skin of her flat belly.

She shook her head 'no' and then frowned in confusion.

"Should it?" she asked.

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders a bit.

"I don't know," I whispered honestly. I had no idea whether or not she would recover quickly from something like that, or if it would stick with her for a while. Carlisle was the best person to ask, but he said he needed more information, so I decided to ask her and get what I could out of her to share with him.

"Baby... can you tell me what happened last night?" I asked her cautiously, while squeezing her tightly to me. She shuddered and shook her head a bit. I could feel her hands shaking against my knees where they rested. I had a feeling that this wasn't a good time to talk, based on her reaction to that question. As much as I wanted to know, I decided to wait. It wasn't worth risking another panic attack or her getting sick again to find out.

"It's ok, Ness," I whispered and kissed her forehead again, "you don't have to talk about it. We can just rest a bit."

She shook her head and spoke in a quiet whisper.

"It's just... I don't think I can describe it." Her face pinched a bit, as if she was remembering something unpleasant, which she probably was. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she continued.

"I think..." she started and then stopped, swallowing thickly, before starting again. "Can I show you?" she whispered.

I nodded, eager for the opportunity to see it. I would be able to describe it best to Carlisle if I saw it myself. It was probably going to be awful, but I didn't care. I wanted to get to the bottom of this and see if there was a way to help her, so that it wouldn't happen again. I hated to think that she was in danger of having a reaction like that every time she was exposed to blood. Accidents happened all the time, and people bled sometimes when they did. Kids fell and scraped their knees, people stepped on sharp objects and cut themselves, hell, even paper cuts could run deep enough to make people bleed. She'd be afraid to go anywhere if there was a chance of being exposed again and this is what her reaction would be.

She inhaled deeply and muttered a soft 'sorry' before placing her right palm face down into my waiting one in the water.

I gasped when I felt how the scent of the blood in the restaurant literally crashed over her like a tidal wave. I remembered in my own mind that at that point, it was so little blood, so soon, that I couldn't even smell it. But for her, it was like she was breathing a foot away from an open wound. The scent assaulted her from everywhere, and by the time Seth caught it, she was completely lost to it. I think I would have been more shocked over the strength of it, if it wasn't for the memory of what she _felt_ when she smelled it. I expected the burning throat, the desire to drink, and the dry parched feeling in her mouth that were all too familiar for me after seeing her memories of _that_ place.

But, shockingly, there was none of that. She had absolutely _no_ desire to drink at all. As a matter of fact, she was completely disgusted with the scent of the blood. It made her stomach churn. I remembered the disgusted look on her face when I turned to her in the restaurant and told her to stop breathing. I'd misinterpreted it at the time. I thought she was disgusted with herself, like she had been before, for wanting to drink. She wasn't though. She was just completely repulsed by the scent of the blood.

She flashed forward to the memory of getting sick in the parking lot. She had decided she would try and take a breath, like I asked her to, but when she did, she could _still_ smell the blood, and it was so repulsive to her that it made her stomach flip and she got sick.

It was the same the second and third times that she got sick, but worse because the blood was seeping through the gauze on the guys finger when he walked out of the door. The scent was saturated and intense, which intensified her reaction. She retched out everything she had in her stomach until the guy was in the car, and drove away, causing the scent to dull and lessen significantly.

She paused then, and flashed forward to her memories of her flashbacks and nightmares. Once again, even in her dreams, her reaction to the scent of blood was disgust. She was screaming because her stomach was clenching painfully and she really _was_ gagging the entire time she was having flashbacks. It was painful and confusing and just... awful.

She let go then, and the memories faded away without her touch. I squeezed her to my chest as she cried quietly. She was so emotional today. I was hoping that I would feel better after knowing what happened and why she reacted the way that she did, but I was even more worried about her than I was before. Something was wrong. I could feel it.

I swallowed my fears and tried not to let them show as I comforted her with soft touches and whispers. After a while, she managed to calm down and I washed her up before quickly doing myself. When we were both clean we got out of the bath and went back to our room. She dressed in a simple cotton skirt and t-shirt while I threw on some shorts and a shirt before we made our way out to the kitchen.

Seth was sleeping on the couch and Olivia was watching the end of her movie. Nessie picked up her plate from the stove, adding the whip cream when Olivia told her about it, and sat on the opposite couch from Olivia and Seth. She thanked Olivia for breakfast quietly and asked her for the waffle recipe after the first bite, which made Olivia smile.

I wandered over to the large sliding glass doors that faced the beach and made my call to Carlisle. I quietly told him everything she had shown me and asked him what he thought of it. He said he was concerned and wanted to see Nessie as soon as she got home. He told me that the heightened sense of smell could have been the result of her getting closer to full maturity, as he'd learned from the other half-vampires that their senses sharpened a bit, the closer they got, but he didn't seem convinced. Her heightened senses would have brought her sense of smell closer to what mine or a full vampire's would be, but less than that, naturally. There was no way it should have made it even stronger than Seth's. Carlisle continued to say that half vampire's apparently experienced subtle changes to their skin and hair, as well as their emotional state, when they reached full maturity. He asked me if I'd noticed any of those, to indicate whether or not her body was going through changes that might have affected her senses. But the changes he described had happened to Nessie back around New Year's Eve.

He asked me a little more about how she had been feeling lately, and I told him every little thing I could remember, from her being a little more tired lately, to her eating a bit more food than normal, her new love of vanilla ice cream, to her neediness yesterday – without going into detail about that one – and her high strung emotional state today.

He said he would spend the day going over what he'd learned and get back to me if he came up with any type of explanation. I promised to call him back if anything changed and to make sure that she got enough to eat today, which didn't look like it was going to be a problem with the way she was devouring her pancakes.

I hung up with him, feeling discouraged and upset that I didn't have an explanation for her.

I turned back towards where the others were sitting and saw Olivia looking over at Nessie sympathetically while rubbing her little belly. She was frowning, like she was thinking about something.

After a minute or so, she smiled sadly and shook her head before speaking softly to Nessie.

"That sounds kind of miserable, Nessie," she said, obviously having overheard my conversation with Carlisle. "I'm sure it's not the same, but..." she patted her stomach lightly and sighed, "I can sort of sympathize."

And then suddenly, it all made sense.

I gasped and dropped the phone, paying little attention to the fact that it cracked and broke when it hit the floor.

Within half a second I was over by the couch. I scooped my very surprised wife up off of the couch and into my arms and nearly flew us to our room, shutting the door behind us. I laid her down very carefully on the bed and crawling up to hover over her body.

"Jake?" she gasped as she stared at me with wide and slightly panicked eyes.

I shook my head at her and swallowed thickly, trying to think of what to say... how to explain what I was thinking... how it all made sense.

My insides were dancing with nerves as I leaned down and placed a very soft and lingering kiss on her lips. She tasted like waffle, and whip cream and peaches. It was such a good combination that I nearly moaned in her mouth, but stopped myself before I did. There were more important things to worry about...

"Jake... what is it?" she asked when I pulled away.

I took a deep breath and decided to start with a few questions, to make sure that I was on the right track. I was pretty sure I was, but I didn't want say anything to her before I was positive that I was right.

"Ness... you've been sleeping and eating more than usual for the last few days. Have you been feeling different at all?" I asked softly while lying down on the mattress beside her and looking deep into her dark brown eyes.

She frowned a bit and glanced around as she thought about it.

"Well... I guess so, Jake. I've been a bit more tired than usual, and a bit more hungry. But I'm pretty sure that's mostly _your_ fault," she said with a small smirk and a raised eyebrow.

I blew out a small breath and nodded in agreement, because either way, she was right about that. It pretty much confirmed what I had been thinking. I decided to ask one more question, before telling her my theory.

"And yesterday, outside on the lawn chair... you were talking about how I smelled," I started again, remembering how deeply she inhaled my scent and what kind effect it had on her. "I smell better, or my scent is stronger to you lately, isn't it?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Yours is to me too," I whispered and stroked her cheek softly with my hand, thinking of the reason that was probably behind it.

"Is anything else smelling better to you lately?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be before she even gave it to me.

She nodded rapidly and smiled before whispering, "Vanilla ice cream," with a small giggle.

I smiled back and had to lower my eyes away from hers, because I was suddenly hit with a brick wall of emotion so strong that I was having trouble containing my reaction to it. My eyes welled up with tears. I did my best to choke them back before looking back at her and telling what I thought.

"Nessie," I whispered and smiled at her loving but concerned expression. I opened my mouth, to tell her... but nothing came out.

I couldn't help it. My emotions were not letting me speak. So instead, I did what I do best, and usually find a lot easier, and decided to show her.

I smiled, kissed her softly again and lifted my left hand, before gently placing it on her belly, right below her navel.

She looked at me, confused, but still smiling back, and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

I swallowed my emotions as best I could and started to explain softly.

"You're tired and hungrier than usual. Your sense of smell is heightened – especially when it comes to food. You're repulsed by a food source that you should crave, and you're craving one that you usually don't like. You've been sort of emotional the last couple of days... and although a lot of this seems really fast... with _you_... it would definitely fit the mould."

I looked up, at her now completely confused expression, and sighed, knowing that she might not be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together because she didn't know enough about it to do it.

"Ness," I breathed and kissed her cheek before leaning down to nuzzle her neck and whispering in her ear, "I think you're pregnant, baby."

I froze when she gasped and tensed underneath me. I swallowed thickly thinking about our conversation a couple of days before the wedding and how she said she wanted to wait. I hoped and prayed that she wasn't upset... because I couldn't be happier.

"How is that possible? I'm not supposed to be able to... until September," she whispered quietly.

I took a deep breath and explained my theory about what happened over night on New Year's Eve. All of the physical and emotional changes Carlisle described about half vampires maturing, happened to Nessie over night that night. Her family knew about the ones they could see, but not the rest, so they probably weren't able to put the pieces of the puzzle together like I could. But, as far as I could see, Nessie showed all of the signs of hitting full maturity that night. Her skin hardened just a bit, and got smoother and more luminous. Her hair softened and shined like it never had before. She even developed the last part of her gift that night. Carlisle hadn't said anything about that, but it seemed to fit with my theory. And then there were the emotional changes. Those were what really helped my theory fall into place.

Carlisle said that the erratic emotional changes and responses half vampires feel when they hit full maturity even out, and their emotional bonds deepen, and become more like that of full vampires. I felt it after that night, and so did she. Our connection was taken to a whole new level, we needed each other in a way we never had before. I thought that it was because we'd made love, and that was probably what the catalyst to the whole thing was, but now I was pretty sure that it was only part of the reason for what had happened.

Abruptly, I realized that she would _never_ have been able to handle the emotional stress of what happened to her when she was taken if she hadn't hit full maturity by then. It was probably why that bastard was banking on her breaking down before she did. He thought she was still hitting extreme highs and lows, emotionally... if she had been, she would never have lasted as long as she did. She would never have been able to resist drinking, she would have given into her urges... or worse yet, she would have given up.

I took a deep, shaky breath and thanked God for how lucky I suddenly realized that we were. She had probably been able to conceive when she was _there, _but none of us knew it at the time. I had never been more thankful that the piece of shit that wanted her, never laid a hand on her in _that _way, or he could very well have gotten exactly what he was hoping for.

I was also really grateful for the fact that she and I had been extra cautious and used protection when we were together, before she was taken. If we hadn't... God the _possibility_ of what could have happened if we hadn't made my blood run cold. She probably would have been carrying my child when they took her, and there was no possible way she would have stood a chance with them in that state. She would have died under that kind of pressure, especially if her reaction to blood there would have been anything like what her reaction was to blood last night. And then... I would have lost _everything_.

"Jake..." she said in a soft but suddenly surprised voice. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was slowly piecing it all together and coming to the same conclusions I was.

"Oh God, Jake..." she said again, and sniffled. I looked up to see her face. Her eyes were closed as her face was working with emotion, and tears leaked out of them slowly on either side.

I couldn't tell what she was thinking and I was dying to know. But before I could ask, she opened her eyes and stared at me in wonder.

"Just once..." she said softly and shook her head minutely, almost in disbelief.

I shook my head back a bit in confusion, wondering what she was asking. She raised her hand and placed it on my cheek, showing me what she meant.

I saw a very quick glimpse of the night of our bachelor and bachelorette parties... and the bike ride home... and suddenly her statement made sense.

I chuckled under my breath and nodded.

"You know that's all it takes," I whispered, because she did know. I never would have risked it that night if she didn't know what could possibly happen. I just didn't think it would. We had no idea that she actually could...

But it was looking like we were definitely wrong about that.

Her eyes welled up with tears and she brought her right hand to meet my left one, which was still lying on her belly. She wove our fingers together and stared at herself in wonder.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked her, still unable to read her expression.

She looked up at me and stared deep into my eyes, smiling shakily, before whispering to me so softly I could barely hear it.

"I'm scared..." she murmured, and my heart faltered and clenched painfully. It's not that I couldn't relate; I was a bit scared too. I was sure that I was ready for this, but she had been through so much in the past few months, I was worried that this might be too much for her.

But... I was happy too. So happy I was almost ecstatic... and I was really hoping that we could be happy about this together.

"I know you're scared," I replied softly, "and I understand. But Ness..." I swallowed and looked down at our hands, resting over where our child... _damn, __**our child**_... was probably growing right that very second and continued, "Are you okay with this?"

It came out sounding a bit desperate, even though I tried to be strong and not let it show. But I needed her to be okay with this. I didn't know what I'd do if she told me she didn't want this yet...

I heard her suck in a small gasp and then felt her tilt my head back with her finger, forcing me to look in her eyes. What I saw there this time made me smile.

"Oh, Jake," she breathed, "of course I am. How could I not be?"

I shifted up a bit, and kissed her for what felt like forever. It was soft and slow and I tried to pour as much love for her into it as I could.

After a few minutes of soft kissing I heard her whimper, which told me that she needed more, and so did I.

I undressed us both slowly, taking my time, and then lay in the cradle of her body. I slid up, coming in contact with her heaven, and kissed her with everything that I had, as I slid into her.

I made love to my wife, slowly, carefully, making sure to worship her with every kiss, and every touch. We moved together like waves in the water, rolling into each other and pulling away from each other in perfect synchronicity, over and over again. We came together, both clinging to each other, and whispering words of love.

When she relaxed into the mattress and I slid back and out of her, I shifted my entire body down until I was eye-level with her navel, and pressed a soft, sweet kiss right in the centre of her belly, over the most precious gift she could ever give me. She sighed my name and pulled me up to rest with her.

She quickly fell asleep, but I stayed awake. I couldn't get my thoughts to settle down long enough for me to sleep. I tried to imagine what the next nine months would be like, or if it would even be nine months, or something less. Knowing Nessie, it would probably be less. I had so many questions, and I was more anxious than ever to get home and get her back to Carlisle for some answers. I hoped he would have some for me. For now, though, I decided to just let myself imagine what it would be like, watching her grow round around the middle, wondering if she'd crave anything other than vanilla ice cream, whether we'd have a boy or a girl, and what they would be like... more like her, more like me, somewhere in between, neither...

The possibilities were endless. I was so happy and eager to find out, though. I knew it was probably too soon for this to be happening, but it felt good, it felt _right_. I was born to love her and take care of her, be her husband and father to her children, lucky man that I am, and it was happening – all at once, yes – but I didn't care. I loved her more than anything and this was what I was made to do. The blissful feeling that settled over me as I watched my wife's beautiful form sleeping solidified it for me.

This was love, as it was made and meant to be.

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**So… a baby! I loved the thought of Jake as a daddy too much not to write this in!**

**~Hitchy**


	55. Miracles

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 55 – Miracles**

**Chapter Song: Creed ~ With Arms Wide Open (JPOV)**

**RPOV**

The last week of our honeymoon ended up being quite different than we had originally planned. We ended up doing a lot of sightseeing, and some shopping, but didn't really doing anything physical. Not as a whole group, anyway. Jake and I decided not to share our suspected news with Seth and Olivia, because we wanted to have it confirmed by my grandfather first, and after that, we wanted to make sure that our families were the next to know. So, we quickly decided against most of the ideas on our list that would be physically demanding, citing Olivia's pregnancy and not wanting to leave her out, as the reason. Jake and Seth did a few of the activities with each other, but I always opted out to 'keep Olivia company'.

Of course, Jake and I had slightly different ideas about what was and wasn't safe for me to do. I agreed with him about not zip lining, scuba diving and mountain biking up the dormant volcano. We had a bit of a disagreement over activities like hiking and surfing, though. I didn't think there was anything wrong with us hiking through lava caves for half a day, or playing around on a surfboard in the water, but Jake thought it was risky. He said that he was worried about the hiking tiring me out and surfing was a big risk in his eyes.

After Seth looked it up for Olivia, we discovered that surfing was generally frowned upon for pregnant women because of the risk of falling and getting hit by the board, or falling in too large of a wave that could send you tumbling in the rushing water, and other various risks that had to do with falling off the board and getting injured, so Jake definitely hated that idea. When we discussed it on our own, walking on the beach later that night, I pointed out that I had far superior balance to that of the average pregnant woman, so the risk of me actually falling off was minimal, thereby eliminating most of the danger.

Jake didn't buy it, because I couldn't guarantee the fact that I'd stay on the board. I could tell that he was trying to be open minded, because it was something that I really wanted to try, but his protective side just wasn't accepting the idea. And the more we talked about it, the more agitated and worried he got. The conversation got the point where Jake let go of my hand and walked away from me a bit, standing at the edge of the water, arms crossed over his chest, staring silently at the small waves in the distance. Neither of us had raised our voice, or gotten angry with each other, but I could see the tension in his back and shoulders as he tried to weigh my desire to try surfing, with his desire to keep me safe. I didn't like seeing him that wound up, and I didn't want to argue with him, so I gave in, and agreed to let him and Seth surf on their own. Olivia and I sat on the beach for the day, talking, reading and getting some some sun... while warding off advances from a few of the other surfers and milling around the area. By the look on his face near the end of the day, Jake may or may not have been reconsidering his opinion on the topic a bit after watching me politely refuse a few 'generous' offers from passers-by to teach me themselves.

As for hiking, I agreed with Jake about the fact that I was more tired than usual. It was getting worse by the day. I found myself having to take a one or two hour nap every afternoon and going to bed a bit early every night. Luckily, Jake always came with me because I was still having trouble sleeping alone, so I think Seth and Olivia excused the extra sleep time without worrying about it, due to the fact that we were on our 'honeymoon'. Jake and I would always kiss and touch, if not a little more than that, before I fell asleep... so even if Seth was curious and listening, which I didn't think he would be, he most likely wasn't suspicious.

The tiredness wasn't anything an extra large breakfast and a longer afternoon nap wouldn't compensate for, though. I could tell that Jake was worried about me being on my feet all day in the heat, but once Seth and Olivia informed us that she was coming along, Jake conceded. Seth said Olivia was going to walk as far as she could on the way up, and that he'd carry her the rest of the way if she got too tired. We all agreed to take a few breaks for her to rest, and that seemed to put Jake's mind at ease.

In the end, it was a great day spent in the sunshine, outdoors with friends. We took a tour bus half way up the dormant volcano mountain, then hiked up the last half, through enormous tunnels called lava tubes, created by lava flow from when the volcano was active. After we broke off from the tour group, Jake and Seth spent most of their time acting like complete goofballs, showing off their werewolf skills and strength by scaling lava caves and trees with ease. Normally, I would have joined them – but one incredulous look and a quick shake of Jake's head when he saw me eyeing the tree next to the one he had scaled, stopped that thought dead in its tracks. I shrugged apologetically and shook my head at myself. I felt pretty good most of the time, and at times even forgot that there was anything different going on with my body. I felt silly after he gave me that look, though. He was trying so hard to take care of me, and there I was, more than likely pregnant, and thinking about climbing trees...

We stopped at different points quite a few times along the way up the mountain and back, which gave us a lot of opportunity to take pictures and look at some of the plants and wildlife between the lava tubes on the mountain. Olivia even brought along a sketchbook and drew some amazingly life-like renditions of some of the plants and trees we saw. She was quiet and kept to herself while she sketched, but shyly showed me the book afterward when I asked to see it. I was more than a little impressed with her attention to colour and detail. She was really talented and did an amazing job capturing the beauty of what we saw with just a few coloured pencils.

When we got back to the villa at around two, we ate a large, late lunch, after which I settled down into bed for what turned out to be a three hour nap. Jake was right, I was tired, but it was worth it. It was one of my favourite days during our whole time on the island.

As it was, though, our honeymoon time was up. We were currently down the street from the cottage, where Seth and Olivia were dropping us off before heading back to La Push. I smiled lightly as I looked out the window at the early morning grey skies and falling rain. I loved the hot and humid Hawaiian weather, and enjoyed the sun while we were there, but the cool air and the dampness of misty falling rain would always be the most comforting to me.

I shifted slightly in the back seat next to Jake in mild discomfort. Things had sort of begun changing with me, physically, over the last few days, even more so than before. I knew, after feeling the newest symptoms, that our suspicions were most likely right. I was almost certain that I was pregnant. I was starting to get a few minor headaches. I began craving more and more human food, mostly sweet things like fruit and cakes. I also started having pain and extreme sensitivity in my breasts. Jake said that was a telltale sign of early pregnancy, but I had to admit that I hated that part. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, and felt a light and persistent ache in both of my breasts nearly all day long for the past few days. It had gotten so bad, that by the end of our stay in Hawaii, I'd given up on bras completely. They were too restrictive and the underwire seemed to cut into the side of my breasts painfully every time I moved. I took to wearing soft bikini tops under my clothes instead. Jake said that he felt badly that I was in pain, but he couldn't hide the fact that he didn't miss my bras. He also didn't miss out on the opportunity to offer to give me a massage every night before bed. I rolled my eyes at his completely innocent expression every time he offered one, and pretended to believe that he was massaging my chest just to help make me 'feel better', even though it usually ended up with both of us massaging each other in various ways beneath the bed sheets.

And I was still _scared_. I'd done my best to ward off any mood swings. It was something I'd had a lot of practice at over the last year or so. And I'd succeeded, for the most part. But the small nagging fear that had made its presence known in the back of my mind when Jake discovered I was pregnant... just would _not _go away. I tried so hard to push it aside, or blame it on hormones, but I was never able to let go of it. And even though I'd done my best to try and hide it from him, Jake still felt it. I knew he was elated at the thought of having children, specifically with me, so I couldn't help but feel really guilty that I couldn't quite bring myself to feel the same way. I was happy and excited, yes, definitely, but still... just... afraid.

I smiled when we pulled up in front of the big house and saw my grandfather's Mercedes sitting in the drive. I was looking forward to seeing him and my grandmother. He was concerned about me and what had happened during my extreme reaction to human blood while we were away, and asked if he could meet us here to look me over as soon as we got home. Jake and I readily agreed, and were hoping he would have what he needed to confirm our suspicions about me being pregnant.

My smile faltered a bit, though, as the car rolled to a stop, and the front door opened... and we were greeted by _four _people instead of two.

I gasped lightly and tried to keep my smile plastered on my face as I turned to look at Jake.

"Did you know that my parents were planning on coming too?" I asked worriedly. I was hoping to do this without them, and have a little bit of time to think of how we were going to tell them our news. I wasn't sure of what their reactions would be, and I had to admit, I was a little nervous to find out.

Jake shook his head and took a deep breath before answering me quietly.

"No, but I guess we should have known they'd come. They know about what happened and... they're probably really worried about you, Ness," he said and squeezed me to him lightly.

I nodded and smiled at my mom on the porch. I scanned my parent's faces quickly and was relieved to see my father's free from anything other than happiness and mild concern. My mom must have had the good sense to be keeping him under her shield because we were returning from our honeymoon, and probably figured our thoughts might be a little, well, _honeymoon_ related.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jake doing the same thing as I was doing. I turned and faced him with a small smile on my face, before cupping his cheek with my palm, and sending him my thoughts, and making sure that I could hear his in return.

_Looks like we're going to be able to tell them our own way,_ I thought quietly, staring into his dark eyes.

He smiled at me lovingly and nodded.

_We'll have to thank your mom for this later, _he thought. _This is something I'd rather your dad didn't have the opportunity to pick out of my brain on his own._

I nodded and took a deep breath while trying to come up with something to say to them – and drawing a complete blank.

_Jake, I... _I took another breath and shook my head slightly,_ I have no idea how to do this, _I thought while running through a dozen, horribly awkward and unimaginative scenarios in the back of my mind.

He smiled at me and brushed his hand over my forehead, as if to clear my mind of my thoughts and worries before kissing me lightly on the lips.

_Would it be okay with you if I did the honours? _he asked as his arms slipped around my waist and his lips brushed against mine. The fire I always felt at his touch flared up through my body quickly from every point that we were connected. It was soothing and calming to feel the heat, envelope me... and it was just what I needed. I needed his love and strength, and his thoughtful suggestion was perfect. I honestly didn't know how I'd get through this without him. It's not every day that a parent's six and half or sixteen year old, newly married daughter, who is supposedly on birth control - comes home to tell her vampire parents that she thinks she's pregnant. To say that I was nervous at the thought of it would be an understatement.

_It's going to be fine, baby, you'll see, _Jake thought softly as he released me and started to get out of the car. I realized, when I looked into his eyes as he said it, that he was being completely sincere. He really did believe that everything was going to be ok. That helped me feel a bit calmer. If Jake was sure things would turn out ok... then maybe they would be.

Seth and Olivia were already out of the car and were standing on the porch with my parents thanking them for their trip. Jake got out first and held a hand out to help me. He didn't release it when I was out, just slipped our palms around to meet and entwined our fingers tightly. I smiled at him, grateful for his thoughtfulness and support, and sent him that in my thoughts.

_Love you too, Ness, _he thought quietly and kissed my hair as we approached the porch steps.

Once we were up on the porch we were greeted with hugs from my parents, but didn't release each other's hands. I flinched a bit when my father's tight hug caused my chest to press against him a bit painfully. It was like I could literally feel them throbbing against him, in a strange mixture of sharp pain and dull heat, and I was extremely uncomfortable.

I felt Jake squeeze my hand when he noticed.

_You okay? _he asked silently.

My father noticed too, of course, and immediately pulled back to study my face critically.

"Are you alright, Renesmee?" he asked worriedly.

I plastered a smile on my face and smiled at my father while squeezing Jake's hand reassuringly, before answering them both, in the best way I could under the circumstances.

"Everything's fine," I said brightly, and made no attempt to explain my reaction to my father's hug to him. I quickly turned toward my mom, as a distraction, and pulled her in for a light hug.

"We've missed you," she whispered softly to me, and stroked my hair lightly, just like she did when I was young. That one little gesture was enough to get me choked up, with a ball of emotion stuck in my throat.

I took a deep breath of my mother's scent, and let the familiar smell of lavender and freesia's wash over me.

"I missed you too, mom," I whispered honestly, "_so_ much."

I hadn't realized it before that point, but my mom was just the person I needed to see. She was always so patient with me, and listened to me babble on and on about whatever I was thinking or worrying about without judging. When I hugged her, I knew instantly that she was the one I needed to talk to about whatever it was that was making me feel scared. She was young, and newly married like me when she got pregnant, and although her pregnancy was very different from what this one would probably be, I knew she'd be able to help me sort this out. She always did.

Jake squeezed my hand and smiled at me from off to my side, while I held on to my mother a little longer than usual. I felt so comforted in her cold embrace, that I didn't want to let go. But I did, a moment later, trying to swallow back my emotions at seeing my mom.

I wasn't good enough to do it, this time, though. I was suddenly feeling overwhelmed with everything that was going on and my eyes started to well up. I looked down towards the porch floor just as Seth and Olivia decided to leave. They told Jake they'd drop our luggage at the cottage on their way out.

I busied myself hugging Olivia and saying goodbye, while trying to calm myself down. She hugged me back gently and smiled at me sadly when we pulled away from each other. She was looking at my face with an expression that was oddly understanding.

"Call me if you need someone to talk to, okay? You know where to find me," she said quietly and then smiled before taking Seth's hand and heading back out to the car with him.

_You ready, Ness?_ Jake asked me softly as I stared at the disappearing car. My parents and grandparents were already making their way inside.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and steel my nerves, before turning to face my husband.

_Yes, _I thought back, and nodded.

He smiled, squeezed my hand once more, and led me inside.

We found my parents and grandparents in the kitchen. Grandma Esme cooked us brunch, and she was busy uncovering our plates when we walked in.

I smiled widely at the sights and smells filling the kitchen. There was a plate of crisp bacon, one of scrambled eggs, and several slices of buttered toast. But none of that was what caught my eye. No, I was busy salivating over the two plates of freshly made crepes topped with fresh berries and peaches and small portions of vanilla ice cream on the side.

"That smells incredible," Jake said, voicing his thoughts about the brunch and mine. I was glad he said something, because I had been on the verge of telling her that myself, and that would have sounded strange, coming from me.

"Thank you, Jacob. Carlisle told me about Renesmee's new affinity for vanilla ice cream, and I know how you love peaches, so I thought I'd find a way to work them both in somehow," she said while we made our way to the round table to sit opposite my parents.

I smiled at my grandmother, feeling more grateful than she could ever guess, for the mouth watering plate of food in front of me. The food on the flight that morning was pre-prepared and nowhere near fresh. It's washed out colours and plastic coated scents paled in comparison to the small feast my grandmother had made for us.

My nerves got the better of me again, once I was over the momentary distraction provided by the food. I was so nervous that I couldn't really look my parents in the eye, and didn't want to let go of Jake's hand either. As a result, I picked up my fork with my dominant had, my right one, leaving Jake to eat with his left, which was not his dominant hand. I didn't even peek over at him to see if he was okay with that, I just didn't let go, and prayed that he wouldn't ask me to. I should have known he wouldn't. He just picked up his fork with his left hand and took a bite of his eggs as if everything was normal.

I broke off a bit of crepe with my fork, before poking a bright red strawberry and a large blueberry as well, and then covering everything with a small bit of the vanilla ice cream. I could actually smell the vanilla in both the crepe pastry and the ice cream. And then there was the sweet-tart scent of the fruit swirling through the air with it... and for the first time in my life, I literally felt my mouth water at the sight of human food.

"Yes, let's start with that," my grandfather said curiously, obviously eager to begin trying to sort out my 'mysterious' medical condition. "Has anything else been piquing your interest, Renesmee?" he asked, just as I slid the forkful of delicious fruits and berries in my mouth.

I couldn't help my reaction, it was like it happened involuntarily. When the cool, wet cream and fruit hit my tongue along with the warm, soft and spongy texture of the pastry, and then the strong burst of sweet and tart coming from the fruit, combined with the rich vanilla flavour... it was too much.

I moaned... and then froze when I hear four collective gasps of mild surprise from my parents and grandparents, and one small chuckle from Jake on my left.

I cinched my eyes shut and lowered my head a bit in defeat and frustration. I didn't understand how Jake could be laughing at a time like this. Everyone was just acting so _normal_, but things to me were as far from normal as they could get, and I couldn't seem to fake it with them. I was so nervous and anxious and trying so hard to keep a lid on my emotions so we could do this right, and then I had to go and blow it all by flinching at my dad's embrace, nearly crying while hugging my mom and then literally _moaning_ over the flavour of my food, because it was just too good not to.

I bit my lip and twisted my wedding rings nervously on my fingers in my lap. I was screwing this all up... and he was laughing at me. My breath caught in my throat, and I felt my eyes well up once more.

I tried to fight it back, but it was all just too much. I had been handling my emotions on our honeymoon well because I hadn't had to deal with any stress, but this... this was stressful, and I couldn't seem to get a grip on myself.

"No, baby...no. I'm so sorry, Ness," I heard Jake whisper contritely as he freed his hand from mine, obviously apologizing for what he heard in my thoughts. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me to his chest. I inhaled his warm, inviting scent and sank into the soft cotton of his t-shirt a bit trying hard to calm down.

**JPOV**

I had never felt more like an _ass _in my whole entire life. We were sitting around the table at the Cullen's house, with an amazing breakfast spread in front of us. Nessie's eyes lit up like the sun when she saw those crepes with fruit and ice cream, and I knew... I _knew_ she'd absolutely love them. I also knew how nervous she was, and how hard she was trying to keep herself in check to keep from giving things away to her parents and grandparents too soon, so I _should _have known better than to chuckle at her little moan of appreciation for the food Esme made.

But I guess I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. In that split second or two when she slipped that fork in her mouth and moaned around her food, her beautiful face had completely relaxed and her full lips had turned up at the corners in a small smile. She looked just like a kid after their first taste of candy or, more appropriately, just like a pregnant woman, after their first taste of whatever the baby was asking for... and she was just so fucking _adorable_, that I couldn't help myself, and I chuckled.

I regretted it immediately, though. Her head dropped, her shoulders slumped in defeat, and her thoughts were a mess as soon as she realized what she had done. She was kicking herself for being unable to control her emotions and felt like she was ruining our special moment... and that I was laughing at her for it.

I sobered up right away and told her 'no' so she'd know that she was wrong, and nothing was ruined, and then apologized for being a complete ass and laughing when I should have been covering for her, or comforting her... or, well, doing _anything_ but laughing.

I straightened up a bit as she leaned into my chest for support and decided to do the best I could to make this as easy as possible for her. She was nervous and suffering more with each second that this whole thing was being drawn out for, and that wasn't fair to her. She really couldn't help her reactions to things, and I felt awful for making it seem like I expected her to.

I cleared my throat a bit and looked up to find her parents and grandparents looking at me expectantly for some sort of explanation about her behaviour. They all looked so worried, and I knew that they shouldn't be. Nothing was wrong with her... as a matter of fact, in my mind, things couldn't get any closer to right than they were in my world at that moment. So I decided not to drag it out any longer, knowing that it would be easier for everyone once our little secret was out in the open.

I turned to Carlisle to answer his question, honestly.

"Well," I said softly, running my arm up and down her back in large circles, "she's been craving pastries... and fresh fruit."

I saw Carlisle's expression morph into one of curiosity and then contemplation, while Esme and Bella smiled at the crepes on her plate, understanding Nessie's reaction, and Edward cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes a bit.

I swallowed hard and took a couple of deep breaths, knowing that after using the word 'craving' like I did, Edward would probably guess where I was going with this sooner rather than later... and that made me feel like I should get to the point, quickly.

I used my free hand to tip Nessie's face up so that she was looking at me. She still looked tired and worried, but it seemed like she had been able to calm down a bit.

I smiled at her brightly, unable to shake off the pride and happiness I felt with what I was about to announce, and she smiled back. I dropped my hand from her face to her belly below the table and ran my thumb back and forth lightly over the tiny miracle there.

I turned to face her parents and grandparents and looked each one of them in the eye briefly, before dropping my gaze to my hand.

"We think we're having a baby," I said quietly and then kissed my beautiful girl lightly on her lips, silently thanking her for being everything I ever wanted or needed... my best friend, my lover, my wife... and now mother to my child.

"Oh!" exclaimed both Carlisle and Esme with surprise.

Edward was completely silent – which I had to admit, really worried me. Silence from Edward usually only meant one of two things, which meant that he was either silently trying to work through the logistics of it, and figure out how it happened, or... he was really upset. I was about to check his facial expression to see if I needed to be ready for another 'round' with him over what was best for his little girl, but Bella's shocked reaction got my attention first.

"A _baby_, Jake?" she whispered incredulously. "How?"

I looked up at her surprised face and then found my face heating up a bit trying to come up with a not-so-embarrassing explanation for that one. I knew she didn't want me to explain the mechanics of it to her, but she _did_ want to know how, as in how was it possible that Nessie was pregnant when she shouldn't be able to conceive yet, and she'd been on birth control since the day before the wedding.

It was at that moment that I suddenly realized that there really was no easy way to admit to your wife's parents that you had unprotected sex with their daughter and got her pregnant before you actually got married, so I was kind of at a loss for words.

Thankfully, Carlisle saved the day.

"Jacob, Renesmee, that's incredible news," he said with a smile, looking back and forth between us. "There's obviously more to what's going on with her than what I originally thought. Are you sure?"

I nodded and took the opportunity to glance over at Edward and Bella as I did. Bella had shifted her chair over a foot or so, so that she was sitting right next to Nessie, rubbing her back and was looking at me sceptically now, waiting for an explanation. Edward was... well, he was sitting as still as stone, staring at his daughter, absolutely expressionless. I knew that he did that when his mind was thinking at full vampire capacity trying to figure shit out, so I figured I should get to it and answer the answers to the doc's questions as quickly as I could.

"We're pretty sure, but we're hoping you can confirm it for us," I said and then launched into my theory about her maturing around New Year's Eve, before listing some of Nessie's new symptoms since the last time Carlisle and I spoke over the phone. Nessie listened quietly to me while I explained and stayed snuggled against my chest, with her eyes on my face the whole time.

"Well," Carlisle said when I was done, "it seems as though you've thought this all through, and I have to say, Jacob, that I agree with you," he smiled lightly and tilted his head to the side with the polite and professional expression on his face that indicated that he was about to ask something uncomfortable. "However, when I spoke with Renesmee a few days before the wedding, she indicated that the two of you were always _cautious_, when you were together..."

I had a pretty good idea where he was going with his statement, and what his next question would be, so I beat him to the punch before he could ask it.

"There was only one time that we weren't... _cautious_," I said carefully, trying hard to avoid Edward and Bella's gaze as I did, and then took a deep breath before continuing, "and it was a few days before the wedding."

Carlisle's eyes lit up in understanding and he nodded without saying a word.

"Jake..." Bella said, sounding somewhat surprised and even a little bit reproachful. I didn't acknowledge her. I didn't regret what we had done, and definitely didn't regret what most likely had come of it. And nothing anyone but Nessie could say would change my mind about that.

"Grandfather?" Nessie said quietly, turning her gaze away from me for the first time and over to him. "It was... the same day that you gave me the shot," she nearly whispered. Her eyes welled up with tears a bit, that had me concerned immediately. I could tell that whatever she was about to ask him really worried her, and I was confused because she hadn't spoken about any big concerns with me yet. I hated that she was worrying about something and didn't come to me with it. I didn't want her getting stressed out about things, especially not if she was pregnant.

"What is it, baby?" I asked quietly, taking one of the hands in her lap and giving it a squeeze. She frustrated me a bit, and concerned me even _more_, by keeping her hands in fists, preventing me from seeing her thoughts.

"If... if I am pregnant," she whispered and then shivered a bit, "would that shot... _hurt_... the baby?"

I gasped under my breath and turned my head sharply to look over at Carlisle. I hadn't even thought about the shot affecting the baby. Just the thought of us agreeing to her getting it, and then having it somehow affect a baby we didn't even know we could conceive at the time, made me feel dread like I never had before.

_Why would she worry about this and not say anything to me?_ I thought, feeling frustrated that she hadn't confided in me. I was about to ask her, when I saw Carlisle's expression soften and then felt relieved when he smiled and shook his head.

"No, sweetheart, the risks are very, very minimal. No more so than inadvertently continuing to take birth control pills without knowing that you're pregnant, and that happens quite often. I don't think there's any need for you to worry."

She and I breathed a collective sigh of relief, before Carlisle continued.

"I'm also fairly certain that it isn't so much of an 'if', Renesmee," he said quietly and smiled.

"Oh!" she said and then smiled. "Really?"

He nodded and smiled back.

I noticed his eyes flicker over to Edward at that moment, and mine did the same. I have to say that I was shocked at what I saw. I was expecting him to be mad or a little upset, but that didn't seem to be the case. He was smiling a soft, lopsided smile, looking over at Nessie and Bella, who were now hugging. Bella was quietly asking Nessie how she was feeling and Nessie was crying a bit. I would have been concerned, but they looked like happy tears. Edward suddenly shifted his gaze to me, smiled wider, and then rose out of his seat to cross the room to me.

I stood to take his extended hand and shook it with a smile of my own.

"Well, I can't say that I'm thrilled with your timing, "he said, cocking an unimpressed eyebrow at me, "but I am surprisingly _thrilled,_ in general"he said earnestly."Congratulations, Jacob," he said with a nod.

"Thanks... Gramps," I replied, and then laughed at his pleasantly surprised face. I was more than a bit surprised at his and Bella's reactions, but deep down inside I knew that they wouldn't be upset about this if Nessie and I were happy about it.

"Oh my God," I heard Bella mutter in shock behind me and then gasp.

I locked eyes with Edward, who was suddenly shaking hard with silent and contained laughter, and then turned around to face my twenty-four year old best friend with a small smirk.

"Jacob Black, don't you _dare_ say it," she growled out at me over Nessie's shoulder.

I laughed and shook my head while pulling Nessie over to me and away from an angry Bella, before answering her in the sweetest tone possible.

"Sure, sure... _Nana._"

Before I could even blink, a still-laughing Edward had a snarling Bella locked in his arms while she read me the riot act about calling her 'Nana' at the age of twenty-four. I laughed and looked down at Nessie to catch her rolling her eyes at her mother and smiling at the sight in front of us.

"Well, who's ready to go upstairs and confirm that I am finally going to become a great-grandfather?" Carlisle asked, while Esme pulled us both in for a quick hug.

Minutes later we were upstairs, in Carlisle's old office. The first thing her grandfather did was run what he called a 'urine test' which basically means that they tested her urine for pregnancy hormones the same way that it's done with home pregnancy tests. We'd thought about having her take one in Hawaii, but neither of us was sure that the results would be reliable with someone like Nessie, so we decided against it. Not surprisingly, the test was positive. And even though I knew it would be, I couldn't keep from smiling and kissing my beautiful girl, telling her I loved her, and thanking her, all over again.

I looked down at her softly smiling face and into her gorgeous brown eyes, while holding both of her small hands in mine.

"Did you hear that, Ness?" I whispered quietly with a smile. "We're having a baby."

This time she smiled at me genuinely, and seemed a lot more relaxed and happy.

"Yeah," she whispered back, "we are, Jake."

The next thing the doc decided to do after that was an internal ultrasound. Carlisle wanted to see if things were shaping up with Nessie the way they had with the other half-vampire's he'd heard about that had already had babies. Of course, none of them had werewolves for mates, so, once again, Nessie was truly a rare case. Carlisle said the ultrasound might not work if her pregnancy was like Bella's and the amniotic sac was too hard to penetrate with ultrasound waves. He did say that the other half vampires that all of the half vampires that mated with humans had fairly normal pregnancies. Each of those babies grew in a soft amniotic sac, only slightly harder than the average one for one hundred percent human babies. I was a bit nervous about the sound of the procedure, but Edward overheard my thoughts about it and promised that it was perfectly safe for Nessie and the baby, and Carlisle confirmed it. I felt a lot better about it after that. The Cullen's wouldn't do anything to put Nessie or the baby at risk.

The doc said that he was excited to try the procedure, and use the machine. Apparently they'd purchased the machine for Bella when she was pregnant with Nessie, and had kept it for the past six years, just in case Nessie should ever need it in the future. I'm pretty sure that none of us thought she would need it this soon, but I was really glad they'd held on to the machine so that we didn't have to wait and go to the hospital in Alaska where Carlisle worked to do it.

I stayed with Nessie while Carlisle got the machine set up, and she got ready for the exam. I could tell that Nessie was a bit uncomfortable with having her grandfather do this kind of exam on her. She had to be naked from the waist down, even if she was covered with a sheet and, well, it was an _internal_ exam... so, I was pretty sure that having her grandfather do it for her was more than a bit embarrassing for her. Carlisle was just as professional as you'd expect, and treated her exactly like any other patient, and I think that helped her a bit. I smiled at her deep blush sympathetically as the doc got the wand that he called a transducer in place inside her. I had to agree that it was more than a bit awkward, but we both knew that it was our only choice. I squeezed her hand tightly in mine and kissed her forehead to try and help her relax.

Her parents and grandmother waited outside until she was ready, and covered up, before coming back in to join us. They huddled around us with small encouraging smiles on their faces, waiting for the test to begin. The machine buzzed lightly when Carlisle turned it on, and we could see him adjusting the image on the screen, while he fiddled with the instrument, trying to get a picture of where the baby was. Within a few seconds he stopped... and for the second time that day, I heard Edward gasp.

"What?" I heard Nessie ask in confusion as she peered at the tiny black and white screen, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. My smile from earlier fell when I saw that Carlisle's expression had shifted from excited, to contemplative.

"What is it, doc?" I said quietly. I saw apprehension in his amber coloured eyes for a quick second when he turned to face me, but he wiped his face clean too quickly and gave me and Nessie a small smile before I could figure out what it meant.

"Is the baby ok?" I whispered, gripping Nessie's hand tightly and trying my best to conceal my worry for her sake. She was sensing that something wasn't quite right. I heard her heart rate pick up a bit along with her breathing. Her hand was shaking a bit in mine and what I could hear of her thoughts was a jumbled mess.

"Yes..." Carlisle said slowly before gesturing back toward the monitor, "but I think I've discovered why Renesmee seems to be experiencing her symptoms a bit more _strongly_ than the average pregnant woman," he said softly.

_No, _I thought as my stomach dropped, _is it her? Is there something wrong with Nessie?_

I didn't have any more time to worry about it beyond that before I had my answer.

"Congratulations," Carlisle said as he made two circles on the picture on the screen in front of us with the machine's virtual pen, "you're having twins."

I choked out a gasp at the same time as Nessie did. We both stayed absolutely still for a few seconds, letting the news sink in. It wasn't until I saw Carlisle's eyebrows raise in concern that I snapped out of it. I knew he was waiting for a reaction from me... but I had someone more important to worry about first. I shook my head in wonder, took a deep breath and leaned down to give my beautiful wife a shocked hug.

The whole time my mind kept repeating the same three sentences, over and over again, as if it was trying to understand and get used to the idea.

_Twins._

_As in... two babies._

_At the same time._

All at once I felt my heart flip in my chest, and my love for Nessie expand to something I never thought it could be, because I was so grateful for the tiny, double miracle that she'd given me. I felt like I was being strangled with it, or the wind was being knocked out of me. I could barely breathe. And all I wanted to do was tell her how much I loved her, but I was it too hard to speak with my heart lodged up in my throat and cutting off my lungs.

Nessie seemed too shocked to say much, either... but as usual she managed better than I did.

"Oh my God, Jake... _two_..." she said quietly, "we're having two..."

"I know," I managed to choke out into her hair.

The next few minutes were spent with everyone exchanging congratulations. I tried hard to hide my concern, but I could see the sidelong, worried glances between Edward and Carlisle, and Bella and Esme. Every one of the Cullen's faces was frozen into a stone mask of happiness, but I could see the worry behind it in their eyes. Their expressions were eerily similar to ones I'd seen before... almost six years ago when Bella carrying Nessie, and risking her life to do it. They wore their masks to keep Bella calm then, and they were doing it for Nessie now. My stomach was sitting up in my throat as I looked over Nessie's shoulder from where I stood behind her, while they hugged her gently.

_Edward, _I practically roared out in my thoughts as he released Nessie from his embrace and turned her over to Bella, _what the hell is going on?_

He glanced over in my direction, shook my hand and looked me square in the eye. Irises that were a light gold earlier, had darkened to amber. His jaw was set and he was struggling not to work it. He glanced to the side, at Nessie hugging Bella tightly, before looking at me again, and shaking his head minutely.

Bella caught my eye as Edward congratulated me out loud, and I could see the worry written all over her face. She was hugging Nessie fiercely, and peering at me while looking over her shoulder. Her eyes had darkened a shade too, but what told me the most about how she was feeling was the fact that she was practically gnawing off her bottom lip. Even as a vampire, Bella bit her lip when she was stressed. It was her 'tell', there was never any denying it. Lip biting equalled fear and nerves, and with the way her sharp teeth were pressing into her stone-like flesh, there was no question that she was feeling all of those things, in large doses.

No one seemed to want to say anything in front of Nessie about it, though, and I agreed. She was already having a hard time dealing with her emotions, and I didn't want her stressing out over whatever it was, until I'd had a chance to talk about it with the doc and figure out what was wrong, and what our options were for dealing with it.

After things had settled down Esme suggested that Nessie go back to the cottage with her and Bella to unpack and catch up. I thanked her silently with a smile, while encouraging Nessie to go. She agreed and said she was feeling tired, too, so I told her I'd meet her there in an hour or so, so that she could take a nap. I was glad that she was going to get to spend some time with Bella. The scared look in her eye that had almost vanished when we got confirmation about the pregnancy from Carlisle was back after he announced that we were having twins, and it was worse than before. I hoped that maybe, between Bella and Esme, she might be able to open up, and they could help her figure out what was bothering her, so we could talk about it.

Carlisle quickly cleaned and packed up the ultrasound machine, while Edward and I stared silently at the window, watching Nessie, Bella and Esme as they made their way to the cottage.

Once they were out of earshot I turned around to face Carlisle with a million questions running through my mind about Nessie and the babies, but really only one that mattered.

"How bad is it?" I ground out lowly between my teeth. I felt the tension in the room weighing down on my shoulders, as I glanced back and forth between Edward and Carlisle's serious faces and waited for an answer.

Carlisle was the one to break the silence first, while Edward seemed to be seeking his input as much as I was. I could practically see him picking through Carlisle's thoughts as he bored holes through his head with a penetrating stare.

"Well, Jacob, from what we know, pregnancy, in general, for half vampires is not dangerous," he said calmly, but I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, and I didn't want to wait for a long, drawn-out explanation. There was obviously something dangerous about the fact that my wife was carrying twins. I needed to know what that was, and I needed to know in a hurry.

"Just cut to the chase, doc," I said quickly and sharply.

"Pregnancy is... a bit more _difficult _for half vampire women because, as you know, a woman's body has to stretch to accommodate the child growing inside of her, which is not easy on their less than flexible bodies," Carlisle said pointedly, and looked between myself and Edward to see if he had made his point.

He didn't have to confirm it for me... I caught on to what he was trying to say right away. Nessie didn't have one baby growing inside of her, she had _two_... two babies that would need space to grow and move and kick...

Suddenly, a picture began to form in my mind. It crept in like fog, and slowly rolled over the beautiful image I had already created of Nessie, glowing and radiant, round in the middle, smiling and happy. The bright, happy image darkened with the layers of fog, like night falling over day, and then the woman in the image began to change. Her radiant smile fell into painful grimace that made me flinch and my heart clench. The skin on her now hugely swollen belly transformed from healthy, peach and flushed, to pale distorted and marked with bruises.

"No," I whispered and closed my eyes against the image as soon as I realized what it reminded me of.

"Please..." I whispered desperately to Carlisle, because I just _had_ to know, "how bad is it going to be?"

The image in my head, one of Nessie's pained face on Bella's sickly, pregnant and battered body floated in front of me like my worst nightmare come to life. Could this... could it be _that _bad? It _killed_ Bella... but at least Edward could 'save' her with venom... not Nessie, though... there would be no way to save her if...

"No, Jacob," I heard Edward say firmly as he placed a hand on my shoulder and attempted to shake me out of my thoughts, "it's not as bad as that. Please, listen to what Carlisle has to say. We would never let it get that far. We'd never put her at that kind of risk."

All of this guessing was killing me inside, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Talk," I ordered the doc with a growl, "fast."

Carlisle immediately started talking at top vampire speed about the fact that her body would accept the changes, but it would be painful because she would be expected to grow to nearly double the size of a regular pregnant woman to accommodate two children instead of one. He also went on to say that half vampires who were pregnant with the child of a full vampire, experienced pain and minor bruising when the child got large enough to kick, but that it didn't cause any major damage to the mother.

Carlisle didn't seem to be worried about the strength of the babies that much, because when wolves mated with humans the baby was always born with only human qualities, and a dormant wolf gene. He said he expected and hoped that it would be the same with any child that me and Nessie would have.

But he also said that he couldn't be certain about what would happen with the combination of werewolf and half vampire genes. That was something only time would tell. In his eyes, though, he said the risks for anything worse than a fairly painful and difficult pregnancy for Nessie, were the same as any human mother, pregnant with twins.

I was starting to feel a bit calmer, until he got down to his last concern. I should have known from their reactions before, that there was something bigger, something definitely dangerous to worry about.

Carlisle's face slipped into that eerie, emotionless mask vamps wore when they were trying to conceal their feeling about something, before telling me about probably the only thing on earth that could hurt me as much as something awful happening to Nessie.

Like half vampire-half human babies, male children of half vampire mothers were usually venomous. It didn't turn out to be a problem for any of the mothers, while they were pregnant, but... Carlisle and Edward were worried about what might happen if one of the babies was a boy, and one was a girl... sharing a womb.

"So..." I said quietly while trying to digest all of the information I was being given, even though my head still felt like it was going to explode with worry for my wife and our babies, "are you saying that, if one the babies is a boy, and one is a girl... the girl could be in danger?"

"Yes," said Carlisle quietly, while I looked over at Edward who was frowning in concentration and worry.

I tried to fight back my irritation at Edward and Carlisle's relaxed bodies. I knew that vamps dealt with stress the opposite way that humans and wolves did, they got very still and thought all the possibilities through in their minds... but I was so keyed up I felt like punching something. My arms had been vibrating with the need to phase for the past forty minutes and I was so tense that I could literally feel my shoulders rising like hackles with every passing minute. My wife was going to be suffering, our unborn babies could be in danger, and every instinct in my body was telling me to attack and protect what I loved... but there was nothing to attack. And it was killing me inside that I couldn't do anything about any of this.

"The babies are only in danger if there is one of each sex, if the boy is venomous, and the boy happens to... bite the girl," Edward said quietly. "But, Jacob, we have no idea whether or not that will even be the case with your children. It's a possibility, not necessarily a reality," he said, trying to reassure me.

I growled lightly and locked eyes with him.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I spat.

He sighed and shook his head in quiet understanding. "No," he murmured, "I'm just as worried as you are, Jacob. She's my daughter. I don't want to think about her in pain or... or losing a child." He whispered the last part quietly, like he was making it less possible by saying it that way, but it still cracked my heart almost in two to hear it.

_Losing a child._

I didn't know how it was possible to miss something you just found out you had, that you hadn't even lost yet, but just the idea of it was enough to make me quake with angry and anguished tremors from head to toe. I felt my entire form blur. My body was trying to phase, because that's how it deals best with pain like this.

"Jacob," I heard Edward say quietly, "Renesmee is waiting for you."

_Nessie._

And just like that... my mind started to clear. He was right. She was waiting for me to go back to the cottage so she could sleep. And she needed her rest. I didn't have time to phase and deal with my own feelings about this right now, she needed me, and I had to be there for her.

I locked down my muscles and forced the whisper of heat flickering up my spine down with a grunt. I took three measured and deep breaths, forcing my feelings back a bit and calming myself little by little with each one. When I was done I looked up at Carlisle to see him writing notes down on a paper with Nessie's name on it.

"What can I do for her?" I asked quietly, determined to do anything and everything possible to take care of her.

"Well, over the next six months," he started. I cut him off.

"Six?" I asked pointedly.

He nodded. "The average length of gestation for a baby with a half vampire mother and a human father is seven months. And since she is almost one month along..." he trailed off as I nodded in understanding.

"As I was saying, I'll give you a dietary plan, consisting of only human food. All of the other half vampires craved blood while pregnant, whether the fathers were human or not, but I think that it's pretty clear that this is not the case with Renesmee."

I nodded again. Blood was definitely something we needed to avoid around her at all costs.

"I'll also talk to her about resting and keeping stress to a minimum. Her body will be under a lot of physical stress, and she won't be able to handle much emotional stress on top of that."

"Got it. No stress. I can help with that," I said with a nod.

"She should also spend a lot of time resting, when possible. But she still needs to maintain some sort of regular physical movement for exercise. It's important that she adhere strictly to the diet plan I design for her, so she doesn't gain extra weight," he said with an apologetic smile.

I grimaced, knowing that he was silently apologizing for the fact that she wouldn't be able to eat all of the vanilla ice cream and pastries she wanted like any other pregnant woman would get to. Nessie was definitely not going to like that.

"We'll help find her a healthy alternative to Ben & Jerry's," Edward said with a small smile, in response to my thoughts.

I nodded at him in thanks and continued to listen as Carlisle listed off a few other items that basically boiled down to the fact that the best thing I could do for my wife was keep her calm and happy over the next six months, while helping her stay healthy, and keep the babies healthy, with a good diet and a small amount of exercise.

I felt a bit better knowing that there were things I could do to make it easier on her, physically. I was someone who liked to fix a problem when I saw it, and when it came to Nessie, God knows I tried my best to make sure she never had any, if I could help it.

There was still the issue of what might happen if one of the babies was a boy, and one was a girl. It stuck in the back of my mind like an irritating song that you hear on the radio and can't get out of your head. I forced it back, trying hard not to let it take over my thoughts for the time being. I had to find a way to stay calm about it. I could phase later and deal with it on my own, then.

When I was done talking with Edward and Carlisle I headed downstairs and started making my way out to the backyard, and back to Nessie. Edward and Carlisle were going to let Bella and Esme know the details of what was going on while she was napping. I, on the other hand, had to come up with a plan about how to break the news to my wife. I wanted to be the one to tell her. She'd worry more with her parents and grandparents there, watching her reactions. Edward said to call him when I was done, so that he and Carlisle could come over and answer any questions she might have, that I couldn't answer.

I opened the door to the cottage and walked down the hall to find a sleepy looking Nessie lying on our bed, talking to Bella and her grandmother about our hike through the lava tubes. I smiled brightly when I saw how relaxed and happy she was to be spending some time with her mom and grandmother. I knew Bella would be the best person for her to lean on right now.

"Hey, babe," I whispered when she caught my eye.

"Hey," she said quietly and smiled back at me.

Bella and Esme got up to leave as I entered the room. I turned to thank Bella with a quick hug goodbye as she and Esme made their way to the door. Bella hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear quietly, so that Nessie wouldn't hear.

"She's calmer now, but very tired. She's... overwhelmed. She needs your support, Jake."

I nodded and whispered back.

"I know. She won't want for anything Bells. I guarantee it," I said determinedly.

She pulled back and kissed my cheek, before smiling at me and nodding her head. She left the room and I crawled in bed to cuddle up next to Nessie.

I held her and gently and rubbed my hand over her still flat belly, in quiet contemplation. Within minutes, she was sleeping, and I was praying for another miracle, that this would all turn out okay. When I'd prayed all I could, I went to work on my nerves, trying to figure out a way to calmly tell my wife about what to expect for the next six months.

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**Okay… twins! This is not going to be easy for Nessie, but I hope you all are as happy about this as I am. **

**Two more chapters and an epi to go.**

**~Hitchy**


	56. Waiting on Baited Breath

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**Okay ladies (and gents, if there are any) this is a long one. So, go take a potty break, grab a glass of wine or cup of coffee, and maybe a snack, and then settle in for the long haul.**

**See you at the bottom.**

**~H**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 56 – Waiting on Baited Breath**

**RPOV**

_**April**_

I sat cross legged on a blanket in the grass, in the middle of the large expanse of property owned by my family, basking in the glow of a rare warm and sunny day. The wind was slightly cool, but the sun's rays were warm enough to feel them on my cheeks, and melt the winter blues away from my soul. This sort of weather was a rare treat for an early April afternoon and Jake and I were making the most of it. We decided to have a picnic lunch on the lawn, and had just finished. My wonderful husband had just gone inside to get me another rare treat – dessert – to celebrate the arrival of spring. At least, that was the reason _he_ gave me for allowing me to cheat on my strict diet of lean meats, a few carbohydrates, milk, fruits and vegetables. Personally, I thought that it was just another way for him to spoil me. It seemed he couldn't get enough of doing that lately.

The sights, sounds and scents of early spring were all around me. Bright red tulips and sunny yellow daffodils bloomed in my mother's gardens around the cottage, and there was a small nest of common yellowthroats chirping happily in a nearby budding tree. I smiled at the little chant floating back and forth between the mother bird and her babies, and in the back of my mind began wondering what sorts of songs I would sing to my own children when they arrived.

_If they both arrive safely, _my subconscious reminded me. I frowned and sighed, looking up at the sky, absently drawing my eyes across the shapes of the puffy white clouds, while trying to push my fears aside. I dropped the napkin that I had been fiddling with in my lap, and gently laid my hands on my little, barely there bump. It literally seemed to pop up overnight. I was surprised while getting dressed earlier for our little picnic, that the jeans I had worn just three days ago didn't fit. I could get them on, but the zipper only drew up halfway comfortably, and I couldn't even think about trying to do up the button. So, I'd tossed on a pair of comfortable, stretchy leggings and a long, loose t-shirt instead.

I ran my thumbs absently up and down the firm bump, while taking deep measured breaths and forcing myself to stay calm and think positive thoughts. It was difficult, but I was managing, so far. With the exception of my original reaction to the news, I had been managing to keep my feelings under control. I had to, for them. Our two little miracles deserved as much peace and comfort as they could get, whenever possible. They most definitely did not deserve the flood of panic and fear that coursed through my body when I heard...

"_Venom..." I whispered under my breath, staring blankly ahead, while Jake held me tightly in his arms on our bed. We were sitting up, and he was clutching his arms around my waist holding me up like a life preserver. Without them, I was sure I would have slithered out of my half-seated position between his legs and into a puddle on the floor, drowning in my own fear._

_I could hear my grandfather and father speaking to me in concerned tones in the background, trying to reassure me; it was just a theory; no one was sure what the sexes of the babies would be; we didn't know whether or not they would even be born with teeth, like I was; we weren't even positive that any of our children would be venomous, given that Jake was a wolf..._

_But I couldn't focus on any of it. The only thing I could think of was an image in my mind, of the two beautiful babies, one boy and one girl, growing in my womb, so innocent, so sweet, so perfect... They were jostling each other around a bit, trying to find some space to stretch. But the boy got impatient with his sister, quickly tiring of her slow and calculated repositioning, and lashed out as his instincts told him to… biting her… her tiny back arches, she flails, convulses with violent tremors..._

_It was sickening._

_It was maddening._

_And I knew there would be no way of stopping it._

"_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..." I croak out in a strangled whisper. _

This cannot happen, _my heart tells me... squeezing out painful, prolonged beats. _

_**No.**_

_I tried to shut it out, but it played over and over again on a loop. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't find the strength of mind to deal with it in any way either. I just sat, and watched in complete and utter horror, as one of my children unknowingly killed the other, before she'd even taken her first breath._

_I shuddered repeatedly each time the vision in my mind came to its gruesome conclusion. It was the only outward reaction I had, other than the consistent strangled muttering of the word 'no'. I was trapped in my mind, unable to get out. _

_I was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me. I heard Jake calling my name and felt him trying to comfort me with his touch. For once, it wasn't working. When he didn't get a response and couldn't reach my thoughts through my tightly closed fists, he looked to my dad for help. I heard my father's emotionally strangled voice give his interpretation of what he saw in my mind, as he relayed it to the others in the room. I heard my mother and grandmother cry, and felt their cool and gentle hugs as they tried to coax me back to the real world._

_I still couldn't do anything to respond. My mind was busy trying to shut out the madness. My grandfather quietly announced that he believed that I might have gone into shock, and requested that everyone but Jake leave the room to give me time to cope with the news. _

_For a while, it was silent. And everything around me was still. Except for the image. It was still there… taunting me._

"_Nessie..." Jake murmured into my ear while running a hand softly over my hair. I was happy to be able to register the feeling of his touch again. It was familiar and soothing, in stark contrast with the cold and unwanted image. "Baby... please, try to calm down. I know you're scared... hell it's downright terrifying. But Ness, the babies... it's not good for them if you're this stressed out. They feel what you feel, baby..."_

_That snapped me out of my stupor. I abruptly realized that I was so busy being terrified about one of them hurting the other, that I was inadvertently hurting both of them myself. Jake was right. I needed to calm down. But I was absolutely petrified, and my skyrocketing hormone levels made me feel like I had no control over my emotions. My fear had rushed over me like a __hurricane, blowing through every crack and crevice in my mind and heart, turning everything in its path upside down,__ and left me scrambling to pick up the pieces in its wake. _

_I scrambled for a second or two, trying __to__ focus on what Jake was saying and doing. I knew that the first thing I had to do was get that horrible image out of my mind, and I was fairly sure that Jake would be the only one able to help me with that._

_I felt my breath hitch and hiccough a bit as I slammed my eyes shut, trying to will the image away. I leaned back into the warmth of his body, trying to focus on his comforting heat. Jake noticed the change in me and kept talking. The hand that had been stroking my hair made its way down to my back, and rubbed in smooth, soothing circles._

"_That's it, baby. Just relax. You can do it," he encouraged softly._

_When I finally managed to get the disturbing image out of my mind I felt my body return to me and inhaled a shaky breath while turning around to bury my face in Jake's neck. He wrapped me up in his strong arms, and rocked me back and forth while I cried silent, aching sobs._

"_Oh, Ness..." he whispered softly, "shhhh."_

"_I'm sorry," I said in a broken whisper through my tears. I was trying to calm down... it was just taking so long. Fear and pain rolled through my mind and my stomach like waves. "I'm try-ing," I choked out. The emotions were just so __strong,__ the fear so primal. I finally understood the analogy about the mother bear protecting her young. It wasn't a voluntary reaction, it was necessary. _

"_It's okay. Just cry, Ness. Let it all out, baby. I'm here."_

_And so I did. I cried for nearly an hour. I knew that this was what the little nagging fear that had been plaguing my mind for the entire week after we'd found out I was pregnant, was about. I was waiting for the inevitable bad news... the confirmation that something like Jake and I having a baby was never going to be just a simple, happy occasion. I just knew it wouldn't be..._

_After I'd cried myself out, I snuggled into Jake's hard, warm chest, and breathed in his scent. It had become one of my favourite things to do in a day. I craved the warm, woodsy scent of Jake almost as much as food, sometimes more. _

"_What do we do?" I whispered as I clutched onto his shirt and stared up into his sad and concerned dark eyes. _

"_The only thing we can do," he answered quietly. "You do your best to stay calm and healthy and give these two little babies the best home they can have over the next six months." He leaned over and kissed my hair softly, punctuating his statement with love. _

_When he pulled back he was looking at me seriously, emphasizing that what he was about to say next was important to him. I could see the hint of the alpha in him, in the set of his jaw and the glint of authority in his eye. There was going to be no arguing with him on whatever his point was._

"_And I'm going to do everything I can to make your life easier. Whatever you need, you can count on me for, Ness. I'll take care of __**you**__, so that you can take care of __**them**__."_

And he did just that. I knew he had to be just as terrified as I was, but he did his best to hide it. He was so strong. His strength inspired me to try my best to put my fears aside too. So, I channelled my energy into staying calm and getting the right amount of food and sleep, while Jake focused on taking care me, anyway that he could.

"Okay, one strawberry sundae, coming up," Jake said as he approached where I was sitting from behind. I smiled and turned to face him, before squealing a bit in delight at the sight of an incredibly delicious looking bowl of vanilla ice cream covered in fresh cut strawberries and whip cream.

I stretched a hand out eagerly to take the bowl, but couldn't reach it from where I was sitting, and Jake made no move to hand it down to me either. As a matter of fact, he wasn't making any movements at all. He was just standing there, staring at me, with a small smile on his face.

"Jake?" I asked cautiously, wondering what made him pause.

"Do that again," he whispered quietly after a second or two.

I felt my brow furrow with confusion as I thought about his request.

"Do what again?"

He shook his head slightly and swallowed before replying.

"With your hands," he whispered, "on your shirt."

_My shirt...?_

_Oh! _

I smiled and shook my head at him.

"Why don't you do it?" I whispered back.

Within what felt like no more than the blink of an eye, Jake was sitting behind me, with his knees curled up next to mine and his chest pressed to my back. His chin rested on my shoulder as his hands found my hips, resting on them gently, before slowly sliding forward... and over our tiny little bump. His hands were so large, that the heels of them rested on my hip bones, while his warm palms lay flat, fingers slightly overlapping in the centre.

"Wow," he whispered softly.

I nodded and hummed lightly in agreement. There really wasn't much more to say.

"When?" he asked quietly, as his thumbs began to move gently back and forth, making warm, soft tingles radiate under my skin wherever they touched.

"Last night," I murmured, and covered his large hands with my own, weaving our fingers together.

He turned his face toward mine, and kissed my cheek gently, before nuzzling my ear.

"Did it hurt?"

I thought back to the night before, and the dull persistent ache that had been present in my lower belly as I drifted off to sleep. It wasn't necessarily painful; it just felt like there was a build up of pressure under my skin, pushing at it from the inside. It was more uncomfortable than anything else.

"Ness?" he said after a moment, when I didn't answer. His voice was laced with quiet worry.

"It didn't _hurt_... really. I was just a bit uncomfortable."

"Oh, baby, why didn't you tell me?" Jake sighed with concern.

I huffed out a tiny laugh at the thought of waking Jake in the middle of the night for something that was probably no more painful than what human women experienced as cramps. Knowing him, he would have been beside himself with worry for nothing.

"It was fine, Jake," I said calmly, "I barely felt it. I slept through most of it, actually."

He sighed and kissed my cheek again. He returned his chin to my shoulder and gripped my hands just a bit more tightly in his as he stared down at my tiny growing belly beneath them.

"Next time, wake me up," he said quietly but firmly.

I sighed a small sigh of my own, knowing that there was really no way around the issue. Jake was bound and determined to do whatever he could for me, to help me through the next five months of the pregnancy. And I knew him well enough to know that there was nothing I could do or say that would change his mind.

"Okay," I conceded, "I promise to tell you the next time I have so much as a cramp. _If_ you do something for _me_ first," I wagered.

He leaned forward and craned his head around to look me in the eye.

"Anything," he announced clearly. "What do you need?"

I smiled. There he was... my handsome, sweet and incredibly devoted husband, willingly promising me anything I needed, just for the chance to take care of me.

I straightened out my face, making it as serious as I could, and looked straight into his dark eyes before making my request.

"My sundae," I commanded, "please."

His face broke out into a blinding smile, which quickly split with a loud peal of laughter.

"Dessert is served, baby," he chuckled, after picking up the ice cream and offering me a generous spoonful. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

_**May**_

"How's the house coming along?" Olivia asked as she passed me a bag of baby clothes to sort.

I smiled and nodded happily.

"Good. Jake says it'll be ready by July. Have you finished picking out the paint?" I asked in return.

Jake and I were building a new house on his dad's property in La Push. He'd left it to Jake in his will, along with the house. Apparently that entitled Jake to the insurance money for the house for the damage caused by the fire. That money, in and of itself, was not a large sum. Billy's house was small, and the items in it held more sentimental value than monetary value. However, what neither of us had known until about a week before our wedding, was that Jake had also inherited a large sum of money from a life insurance policy for Billy. It wasn't as though Jake needed it. He had been working as the head of the tribal council in La Push for six years, and got paid a small, but comfortable salary for that. We had decided to put the money into savings, and try to figure out what to do with it when we came home from our honeymoon.

Of course, once Jake and I found out about the babies, Jake's first suggestion was to use the money to build a new house for us, in La Push. He said he didn't like the idea of me and the babies living off of the reservation when he had to be there almost every day, and he also pointed out that the cottage would probably not be big enough to house a family of four. I had to admit that he was right, on both accounts, but didn't feel right using money from Billy's life insurance to build a house. I had a lot of money in my trust fund, and told Jake we could use that to build on his father land. After a few serious discussions, the solution came in the form of a gift from my parents. They politely asked if they could pay for half of the house, to make it a gift of sorts, from both Billy and them. Jake and I both liked the idea and agreed.

"Almost," she replied and began hanging outfits in the closet. "I wanted to get your thoughts on the colour scheme for the main floor. I based it on the tile and wood samples you gave me, but I want to make sure that you and Jake like it before I finalize the list."

After visiting Olivia and Seth's house I was in awe of how she managed to redecorate it in such a short time and on such a small budget. Olivia definitely had an eye for beauty, which I noticed in her sketches in Hawaii, and seemed to be able to apply it easily to her environment. A few coats of paint, some repositioning and simple slip covers on Sue and Harry's old furniture, a couple of new throw pillows, and one or two original paintings of her own, was all it took to give the entire house a completely new lease on life. It looked great, and I trusted her completely.

"I'm sure I'll love it," I told her, and grimaced a bit as I bent to pick up the bag of clothes from the floor. I felt a twinge of pain in my left hip, as I had to lean on it to pick up the bag on that side. It subsided almost as soon as I straightened up, and I sighed in relief as I opened the bag and began to sort through outfits handed down to Olivia and Seth by Jake's sister Rachel.

"What do you think of this one?" Olivia asked. "The baby could come home from the hospital in this if it was a boy or girl, right?"

I turned quickly to see what she was holding up, but was stopped short by a quick stabbing pain running across my belly and down both of my hips.

"Oh," I groaned and bent over slightly at the waist.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asked putting down the tiny white hanger and the outfit she was holding to place her small hand on my shoulder.

"Mmmmm... um," I swallowed and took a deep breath against the sharp ache I felt in both of my hips. "I think I just need to sit down," I whispered.

She took the tiny green outfit and hanger I had been holding out of my hand and guided me over to the new rocking chair in the corner of the room. We were busy hanging outfits and organizing the baby's room at Olivia and Seth's house. The baby shower that Leah, Sue and I planned for them was next month, and Olivia said that she wanted to go through the clothes and other things that Kim and Rachel had given her so that she wouldn't have as much to organize after the shower. Jake and I had already given them their gift. We got them a crib and ordered the rocking chair to match. They protested, saying that it was too much, but money really wasn't a problem for us, and we both wanted to do something to thank them for being such good friends to us over the past year.

"Can I get you anything?" Olivia asked once I was settled.

After the initial appearance of the tiny bump in my belly I had been growing progressively. I'd had more than a few long nights of cramping and being uncomfortable, especially across my belly, where the growth seemed to happen most, but this was the first time I'd really felt it in my hips. And I had to admit... it was painful.

I felt a bit sore in the morning when I'd gotten up, but attributed it to a bad night's sleep in an awkward position. Jake and I had fallen asleep sitting up, with my back to his chest, as he rubbed the persistent cramps in my belly away. I figured that I was stiff from being in that position for so long, and that my muscles would loosen up over the day.

Apparently I'd been wrong about that. It had only gotten steadily worse throughout the day.

_I must have done something to aggravate things when I spun around so quickly, _I thought as the pain continued to burn through my hips.

I let my hands wander over to my hips and rub them lightly. I was grateful for the fact that I'd taken to wearing tights with loose shirts most days, because of my small bump. I didn't fit into any of my jeans or other clothing anymore. Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie had come with my grandparents and parents last week for my monthly check up, and brought several bags of new maternity clothes with them. I hadn't used any of them yet, but at the rate I was growing around the middle, it was only a matter of time before I didn't have a choice anymore.

"Nessie?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Yes?" I whispered in response, still rubbing my hips, praying for the dull ache to subside. I wasn't sure if human women felt like this when they were pregnant, but I could tell by looking at the concern etched on Olivia's face that she was worried about me. That made me think that what I was experiencing was probably unique.

I sighed, sarcastically thinking about how _lucky_ I was to have half-vampire DNA.

"You didn't answer me before. Do you need anything?"

I opened my mouth to answer her, but was unable to get out a response, because I had chosen that exact same moment to shift my position a bit in the chair. Searing pain shot over the hip I decided to place more pressure on at that moment. It was white hot and sharp.

"OH!" I gasped and immediately settled back into the position I'd been in before. The sharp pain receded quickly after that, but left a dull, hot ache throbbing in both hips in its wake.

I swallowed thickly and took a few deep breaths to steady myself.

"I think I should get Jacob for you," Olivia said quietly.

I frowned at the idea, but didn't disagree. Jake had taken the afternoon to work on council business and then head out on a run with a few of the other wolves. I knew he was supposed to be in discussions with Sam... and Paul, who had been predictably unenthusiastic about our announcement. I didn't want to interrupt him if I could avoid it.

But... I also knew that Jake would be incredibly upset if I didn't try to get in touch with him. True to his word, he voluntarily stayed up with me on countless nights over the last few weeks to help me through my growing pains, and seemed happy to do it. He always told me that he was glad I'd asked him for help, and never to be shy about it or hesitate to ask.

And these were the worst ones yet. I knew, without a doubt, that even though I didn't like having to do it, he wouldn't mind being interrupted.

"Okay," I agreed quietly. 'Thanks, Olivia."

She shook her head slightly, whispering that it was no problem, before picking up the cordless phone and asking for Jake's cell number. I gave it to her and waited as she dialled and it rang.

"Voicemail," she said quietly after a minute or so. "He must not be near his phone right now."

She was probably right. If he had phased, his phone would be in the pocket of his jeans, somewhere far behind from where he was running off to.

"I'll call Seth, and see if he's with him. If he doesn't answer, then I'll try Leah." She dialled Seth's number quickly and frowned when his went to voicemail too. "He must be with Jake and the others," she said quietly.

Just as she was dialling Leah's number I unconsciously shifted my position in the chair again. I stopped as soon as I realized what I was doing, but it was too late. I felt a sharp pang of pain fly across the middle of my abdomen from one sore spot on my hips to the other.

"Urgh," I mumbled under my breath through gritted teeth.

In reaction to the pain I flinched and lean forward a bit, which was definitely a bad move.

I groaned loudly at the pain that leaning forward caused in my hips. It was like the pressure of repositioning myself, with the chair beneath me, and my upper body folding down on top of my belly and hips, was forcing my hip bones outward, and my muscles around them to stretch. But my muscles were hard, and tight and resisting the change. It felt like someone had taken a crowbar to the inside of both hip bones and was applying mild pressure to get them to move apart.

"Oh God," I gasped.

As I had been moving, flinching and groaning Olivia had gotten hold of Leah and quickly told her what was happening. They hung up shortly after they started talking and Olivia turned her attention back to me.

"Leah's going to phase and get Jake for you right now, Nessie," Olivia said and rubbed my shoulder lightly.

I nodded and swallowed back a whimper. The position I was in was not getting any more comfortable as time went by. I tried to straighten myself out a bit, but it only caused more sharp pain, so I quickly resigned myself to staying as I was. Olivia stayed by my side and rubbed my shoulder as we waited.

After a minute or two I realized that I needed a distraction. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable in my hunched position, and couldn't help but think of a million different ways to move, wondering how much pain each one would cause and if it would be worth risking at that point.

"Did this happen to you too?" I whispered to Olivia. I wondered that often. Did human women feel pain as their babies grew inside them, and stretched them from the inside out, like I did? I knew that my pain would be worse, because my body was a lot more resistant to change, but as I took in Olivia's increasingly swollen belly and rounded hips, I wondered if she felt any of this at all. I'd never once heard her complain, if she did.

"Well, um... a little," she said softly, with sympathy in her voice, "but nothing like this. Is it mostly your hips?" She was eyeing my hands as they cradled my hips, one on each side.

I nodded and took another deep, sharp breath as the throbbing intensified again. I knew the position I was in would only make it worse... but moving hurt too much for me to seriously consider it at the moment. And I was afraid that the pain and pressure in my hips would make my movements stiff. What if I tried to move – and fell?

My mind began racing through all sorts of possibilities and scenarios, when Olivia decided to continue. I was grateful for that. I desperately needed the distraction at that point, and I think she knew it.

"Mine hurt just a bit, especially this last month or so, when I really began to get, well, _big_," she chuckled and shook her head slightly at herself before continuing. "They were just widening a bit, to fit the baby, which is probably what's happening to you, too. But I only have one in here. I imagine that it would be different with two," she said, rubbing her stomach lightly. She had grown quite a bit over the last month or so, and her baby belly was now about the size of half a basket ball. She wasn't exactly large, but on her tiny frame, that size of a bump looked impressive for someone who was only five months pregnant.

"Does it get worse... the bigger you get?" I asked quietly, even though I wasn't really sure I wanted the answer to that question. I was torn between wanting to know, so I could prepare myself, and not wanting to know, so that I wouldn't have a panic attack thinking about it. Because if it was this bad now...

She was just about to respond when we heard the front door swing open and hit the wall with a small thud.

"Ness?" Jake's worried voice boomed out as he bounded down the hallway. I sighed in relief, grateful that he was there so quickly, figuring that he must not have gone very far on his run. I should have known he wouldn't.

"We're in here," Olivia called back, and within seconds, Jake was making his way through the door in nothing but his jeans, and was at my side instantly. Seth and Leah followed closely behind him. He squatted next to the rocking chair and ran a hand down my hair, soothingly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, taking in my hunched position and the hands on my hips critically, no doubt trying to figure out the answer to his question on his own.

"I'm in a bit of pain," I said quietly, trying my best to keep my voice calm, knowing how worried he got about me when I was hurting.

He frowned and shook his head at me in frustration.

"A _bit_ of pain?" he asked pointedly. "It has to be worse than that, Ness. You're tense and hunched over and you're as white as a ghost."

I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling a bit foolish for trying to hide the intensity of the pain from him. He knew me better than that. And although he didn't say it, I was well aware that he also knew that I would never interrupt him on a day like today if I could avoid it.

"Okay," I whispered, "a lot of pain. And... I can't really _move_, right now. It hurts too much, every time I try."

He drew in a sharp breath and swallowed thickly before answering me. I frowned a bit, seeing the worry and frustration in his eyes.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked quietly.

"My hips and across my belly from one side to the other."

"Did it just start now?" he asked while placing his large hands lightly on top of mine on my hips. His fingers tightened a bit over mine, applying just a tiny bit of pressure to the ache beneath them and then released, before he did it again. I gasped sharply because the pressure caused the pain to intensify, but then sighed shakily when it seemed to be soothing as well.

Jake's hands froze.

"Is that okay, or does it hurt too much, baby?"

I swallowed and opened my eyes to find him staring right at me with love and concern etched all over his face.

"It's fine. It hurts a little, but it feels good too," I murmured. "Please don't stop."

"Okay," he replied and immediately began applying light pressure again.

He repeated his question about when it started, and I launched into my explanation about waking up that morning and figuring that I was stiff from sleeping sitting up, before telling him about the sharp pain I felt when I turned too quickly to give Olivia my attention.

He frowned deeply when I mentioned that I had been uncomfortable earlier in the morning, probably because I hadn't said anything to him, but didn't mention it, otherwise. After a second or two of thought, he reached back with his left hand and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

He dialled, and moved to cradle the phone between his shoulder and his ear while he waited patiently for the nurse at the hospital to page my grandfather. His hand returned to its place on my hip as he waited and I focused on the odd alternating mixture of pain and warm relief he was creating with his hands as he continued to apply and release gentle pressure on my sore and tense muscles.

When my grandfather came to the phone he began quietly repeating what I had told him to explain what was going on. After a minute or so Jake held the phone up to my ear, so I could speak to him directly.

"Grandpa?" I asked shakily, wondering what more he wanted to know. From what I heard, Jake had told him exactly what I'd said before.

"Renesmee, I know you're in pain, sweetheart, but can you talk for a minute? I'd like to ask you a couple of questions."

"Sure." I took a deep breath. "It's not that bad, Grandpa," I whispered, feeling a bit sheepish for causing so much concern. It wasn't like we didn't know that this was going to be painful for me.

"I'm sure it's not that pleasant, either, if you can't move without causing yourself pain," he replied softly. "Can you describe the pain to me? Is it sharp or dull?"

"Both," I replied honestly. "Sharper when I move. But dull and... _achy_ if I don't."

"Is it situated high and across the middle of your abdomen, or lower down?"

I thought for a moment, and then replied that it all seemed to be across the upper and middle part of my hips and belly.

"Well, it seems like it is just your body trying to adjust. Do you want me to come up and have a look to make sure? I'll be done my shift here at the clinic shortly. I can leave directly from here and be there in a couple of hours."

I frowned and shook my head. It would be of no use if these were simply growing pains. It wasn't like he could administer pain killers.

"No, it's okay, Grandpa. I'll be fine," I replied.

"Alright then, if you're sure," he said quietly. "Would you mind passing the phone back to Jacob? I want to give him some information about how to help you with this a bit."

"No, I don't mind. Thank you, Grandpa. I love you," I said and then lifted my head away from the phone, nodding at Jake for him to bring it back to his own ear.

He spoke for a few more minutes with my grandfather, who seemed to be doing most of the talking, and sighed when he hung up.

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead lightly, before resting his head on mine, and closing his eyes in frustration.

"I'm sorry, Ness... but I think I have to move you," he said in a whisper. "Carlisle thinks that you'd be a lot more comfortable if you were lying down."

I cringed a bit at the thought of moving again. I knew it was not going to be pleasant.

"I can help you once you're lying down, though," Jake continued. "He ran through a few massage techniques that we could try."

I liked the sound of the massages, but still didn't like the idea of moving. But I knew I couldn't stay curled up on the rocking chair forever. We had no idea how long the pain would last this time. And that was besides the fact that I had already figured that sitting like this was only making things worse.

So, with more than a little reluctance, I nodded, figuring that it was better to just do it, and get the pain over with, without thinking about it too much.

"Okay," I whispered, "let's do it."

"You can use the guest room, if you'd like," Olivia said from the doorway.

Jake opened his eyes and looked at mine in question, checking to see if that was okay. I was honestly really relieved that she suggested it. I was dreading moving, and the thought of having to make it all the way back to the cottage from Seth and Olivia's was a bit daunting at the moment.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You ready?" Jake said as he turned to face the side of the chair and slid an arm under my knees and the other under my shoulders.

I grit my teeth and nodded.

"Just do it quickly," I said through my teeth, not wanting to prolong the pain any more than I had to.

"Okay," he whispered, and then kissed my temple softly before continuing. "Here we go."

With one swift movement he lifted me smoothly off the chair and was gliding down the hall in the blink of an eye. I gasped loudly at the immediate flood of pain radiating between both hips as soon as we were in motion. I clamped my mouth down over a scream and felt my body stiffen on its own accord, trying to minimize any movement.

I felt heat, throbbing, tension in both of my hips. It was strong and demanding and moving seemed to make things worse. Every slight bit of pressure on the muscle there made the pain take a turn to sharp and intense. Jake walked as smoothly as he could, and was very careful not to move his arms as he cradled me in them and we made our way down the short hallway to the guest room.

Once we were there he leaned forward and lowered me slowly to the bed. He laid me down on my right side with my arms around his neck and my legs bent sideways on the bed. He slid his arms out from under me and I attempted to relax onto the bed. I steadied my breath and immediately felt relieved that the position I was in was a lot more comfortable than I had been in the chair. It was as if the pressure of my body weight on my hips as I sat in the chair was what caused the pain to get worse. In this position, most of my weight was on my back. It was much more comfortable, and I began to relax immediately.

Jake walked swiftly around to the other side of the bed and then gently lowered himself onto his side, facing me.

"Are you ok?" he asked, reaching over and gently running the back of his hand over my cheek.

"Much better," I sighed and half smiled in relief. 'Thank you."

"Anytime, anything," he breathed, "you know that, Ness."

He leaned in then, and brushed his lips softly against mine as the hand that was on my cheek lowered itself to our little bump. I smiled against his lips at that gesture. He'd taken to placing his hand there every time he kissed me from the first day he set eyes on our bump. I thought it was so sweet... like he was giving the babies a little kiss at the same time as he was kissing me. I kissed him back just as sweetly, and felt my body relax even further under the warmth of his touch.

Without thinking about it, my legs to drift out of their bent position so I could scoot next to Jake and snuggle into him. I pulled away from our kiss, froze, and hissed under my breath as the dull, heated pain returned with the movement.

Jake didn't even bother to ask what was wrong this time. He simply shifted his position, as quickly and carefully as he could, so that he was hovering next to me, on his knees. His hands went to my hips and gripped them lightly, as his thumbs made slow, wide circles on the muscles directly beside my hip bones.

"Ooooooohhhhhh," I moaned and felt my eyes drift closed with the bittersweet painful pleasure of the massage.

"Good?" Jake asked quietly.

"Mmmm, yes," I mumbled.

He continued to massage me for the better part of an hour, until my muscles relaxed enough to be just mildly sore and I could move my legs without tensing up. When I asked him to stop I pulled him down to lie on the bed, facing me.

I leaned forward and kissed his full lips gently in thanks. He smiled and kissed me back in yet another silent 'no problem' in response. It was so typically Jake to smile like he had just been given a gift after spending an hour taking care of _me_.

"So, what did my grandfather say about helping me? Is there something we can do to prevent this?" I asked.

Jake's smile dropped into a grimace and he looked up at me apologetically.

"No, not really, Ness," he said with quiet remorse. "This is normal, apparently. The only thing he said we could do is make sure that you walk and stretch enough to keep your muscles loose and also make sure that you don't stay on your feet for too long because that will make you sore."

I looked down at the bed and frowned in disappointment. I knew it was selfish of me to feel sorry for myself, but at that point, I really couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that the babies both made their way into the world and were as happy and healthy as they could be, but if this was just the beginning of the pain and pressure my body would be under, I wasn't quite sure how to manage that. I knew it would probably only get worse from there.

"Hey," Jake said, tipping my chin up gently to look into my eyes. "I'm sorry this hurts so bad, Ness. Tell me what I can do to help," he pled.

I immediately felt badly for feeling sorry for myself when I saw the look of compassion and worry in his eyes. This was hurting him almost as much as it was hurting me. But Jake also had all the added responsibility of taking care of things around the house that I couldn't do anymore, working with the council, dealing with Paul, and overseeing the building of our house. It wasn't right for me to be selfish when the only responsibility I had was to make sure that our two little miracles made their way into the world safely. I had to learn to deal with pain. It was a small price to pay, all things considered.

I shook off my frown and replaced it with a small smile.

"No, don't worry Jake. You're doing more than enough. I'll be fine," I said quietly, trying my best to convince both him and me that the last part of what I said was true.

He sighed and shook his head, but didn't respond. We looked at each other in quiet understanding, and let the truth float in the air between us, unspoken. We didn't have to address it. It was hard enough knowing about it without admitting it.

It was going to be a very long and hard four months.

_**July**_

"Oh, Olivia, this is amazing!" I exclaimed as I slowly padded through the entryway into the living room of our new home. I looked over at Jake, who was guiding me with one of his large, warm hands resting on the small of my back. He was beaming at my reaction. He'd been a little nervous about whether or not I would like the finished product because I hadn't been able to make it over to La Push in a few weeks. The last time I saw the house, the floors and cabinets had all been installed, but none of the walls were painted, the light fixtures had yet to be hung, and none of the furniture had arrived.

I had been staying home except for essential trips out of the house. I'd felt the beginnings of my growing pains during the first few days of May, and over the last two months, things had... _intensified_, to say the least. The babies were growing at a rapid rate, and as a result, so was I. I had a little less than two months to go in my pregnancy, but my body looked like the mirror image of Olivia's as we stood next to each other inspecting the fruits of her labour, and she was due at the end of August, in just three and a half weeks. The constant pain and tension in my hips and belly, not to mention the less restrictive, but equally painful, stretching of my breasts, made it nearly impossible for me to get out and do anything useful or enjoyable. I spent most of my days at home, keeping house, and doing the stretches my grandfather suggested several times a day to keep my body as limber as possible. The stretching helped with the growing pains, and would apparently be useful to me when I went into labour as well. So I did them as often as possible.

"I hope you don't mind the last minute change. I just thought this shade of yellow would work better with the natural light coming through the windows," Olivia remarked about the paint in the large, cozy living room.

"No, I love it. You're right, the other shade would have been too bright," I replied and smiled as I looked around from the grey cobblestone fireplace, to the soft buttery yellow walls, white trim and knotted pine floor.

The entire house was finished in a bright and airy cottage style, with light or white washed woods, soft paints and large, mismatched but coordinated and comfortable furniture. I had very little to do with the actual decorating of it. Jake and I simply told Olivia what we liked and she came over from time to time to show us things that she had found on-line, to get our approval. I hadn't been able to get out and shop, so most of the responsibility for decorating fell on her shoulders. I felt bad about it initially, because it was a lot of work, and I didn't want to take advantage of Olivia's kindness in helping us. She said that she was always happy to help because she enjoyed decorating, but I felt like we were asking too much of her. Jake solved the problem for me when he sat down with Seth last month and politely insisted that because we loved Olivia's work so much, and needed her input and help with me being stuck in the house, that we should pay her for her time. Seth refused initially, but came around once Jake told him that if he didn't let us pay her we would feel bad using up all of her time and would more than likely hire someone else.

I shifted on my feet, already feeling the pressure on my lower back and hips from standing in one place too long, and slowly began walking to inspect the rest of the house. The kitchen was finished with loads of white cabinets, granite countertops, and large stainless steel appliances. It was open to the family room so it was finished in the same butter yellow and white trim. I glanced over to the large double French doors that led to the backyard and noticed something familiar looking out of the corner of my eye.

My breath caught in my throat as I made my way over to the back doors and looked down at the unexpected treasure at my feet.

I felt Jake slide into position beside me and take hold of my hand.

"Is that...?" I whispered in question, knowing the answer before he even gave it to me, but wanting to hear it from him anyway.

"Yeah," he whispered and leaned down to kiss my temple softly. "I didn't want to get rid of them, and I thought you'd like to keep a little of our history here too. I moved them to the back so we could still put the porch you wanted out front."

I smiled and nodded, keeping my eyes on the worn cement stairs at our feet. They had been cleaned up a bit, so that they didn't stand out in contrast to the rest of the house, but there was no question that these were the old front steps to Billy's house. A thousand memories were made between me and Jake on those steps over the years. We'd sit out there and chat, play games or listen to music. I'd walked up those steps countless times to greet him, and he'd leapt over or bounded down them as many times, if not more, to meet me.

"Thank you, Jake," I said turning to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, "I love this."

"Me too," he said giving my hand a squeeze.

After a minute or two we decided to keep going and check out the rest of the house. I was starting to get a bit tired by the time we made it through the small office and playroom that were on the first floor and were about to head upstairs. That, of course, prompted Jake to pick me up and carry me up the short flight of stairs, while I squealed and laughed at him the whole way. I was secretly glad that he was supernaturally strong, because there was no way an average human would be able to pick up my swollen and heavy body and walk up the stairs as if I didn't weigh any more than a sack of potatoes.

Our first stop, once we were upstairs was the nursery. Jake set me down just outside of the door, next to Olivia. This room was a complete surprise for me. Olivia asked if she could design it on her own, as a gift to the babies, and I accepted happily. The nursery she did for her own baby was stunning. It was simple, as was her style for the rest of their home, with beige walls and white trim. The furniture was dark wood and the entire room had been designed around a lamb motif. The only accents to the room were a simple stuffed lamb on the corner of the dresser, a pillow on the rocking chair that looked like lamb's wool, a set of plain beige crib bedding with tiny white lambs on the border, and a large water colour painting of a mother sheep and her two baby lambs in a meadow on the wall opposite the crib. I knew, after seeing that, that she would definitely design something beautiful for our two little miracles, and I was extremely excited to see the results.

I watched as Olivia smiled shyly and opened the door, stepping back to let me in first, because with our bellies only one of us could fit through the door at a time.

I was stunned by what she'd done and I gasped as my hand flew up to my chest, over my heart. It was completely different than what she'd done in her own nursery, but still absolutely gorgeous. The walls were painted a soft green with white trim and the furniture was dark wood. The floors were the same knotted pine as the rest of the house, but there were two large white area rugs underneath each of the cribs, which were on opposite walls. Each crib had a dark leather chair and ottoman beside it, so that Jake and I could both sit with the babies in the room at the same time. The curtains were a soft yellow, and lay over thick white California shutters that would help block out the light for daytime naps.

All of the tiny details were beautiful, from the soft white and yellow bedding, to the fluffy white pillows on the chairs, and the tiny mobiles hanging from the cribs. But it was the large murals on the walls that caught my eyes the most. Above each of the cribs was a simple painting of a yellow quarter moon, surrounded by bands of misty white clouds and tiny, soft yellow stars. There was a border of soft white cloud around the top of the entire room that bore elegant black script, of a poem about watching angel faced babies sleep through the night.

"The thicker white clouds in the centre of each moon are for the babies names," Olivia said quietly as I stood there, speechless, trying to take it all in. "And the empty frames on the wall are for black and white pictures of their feet, hands, faces... whatever you'd like."

"Oh my God, Olivia," I whispered and pulled my friend to my side in a one-armed hug. Our children got in the way of a full embrace.

"Do you like it?" she whispered.

I shook my head.

"No, Liv. I _love_ it. You've done too much." I looked down at my very pregnant friend with tears in my eyes and wondered how she managed it. There was no doubt in my mind that she had painted the entire mural, from the moons above the cribs, to clouds around the top of the room, by hand.

"How did you do all of this?" I asked, concerned that she might have risked her health and the baby's health by getting on a ladder.

Seth chuckled from where he and Jake were standing near the door.

"We finished this room first, and I helped her paint. She worked on the mural over a few weeks time. I held her up on my shoulders for a couple of hours here and there to get the high parts done."

I smiled and shook my head. Seth's arms were probably the safest place for her to be at any point during her pregnancy, and with his strength he could hold her up for days and not get tired.

I took a moment then, to look over at Jake, who was smiling at me softly. His smile lifted into a full on grin as my eyes met his and he closed the gap between us. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in for a tight hug.

"I love seeing you in here," he whispered in my ear, making me smile as brightly as he was.

"I love being in here," I responded and squeezed him back.

As soon as I'd finished speaking I felt two large, swift kicks placed right under my ribs – one from each of our little miracles.

"Oh," huffed as my hands flew to the top of my belly and rubbed away the ache they caused, "I think they like it here too," I mused as the babies squirmed and moved around a bit more. They didn't have a lot of space to move, so when they did, I felt every turn and bump. I could see from the expression on his face that Jake could feel it too, where his toned stomach lay against mine.

He chuckled and moved his hands underneath mine, rubbing gently and soothing away the ache with me.

"Hey you two," he scolded lightly towards my belly, "stop giving your mama a hard time."

I smiled and shook my head, rolling my eyes slightly as the rougher movements stopped, and the babies went back to resting.

Jake smirked and shrugged his shoulders at me, just like he did every time this happened. I could spend all day rubbing my belly and sweetly telling our two little miracles that they needed to calm down, but nothing I said ever worked. Jake, however, never failed to calm them down. They only had to hear him speak and they'd do whatever he asked. I asked my father during his last visit about whether or not he could hear them, and decipher their thoughts to see if they were doing it on purpose, but he said that he wasn't able to read them. He wasn't sure if I was somehow blocking them, or if they had inherited some of my mom's abilities and wouldn't be able to be heard by him at all. As it was, Jake was the only one who seemed to have any control over what the babies did and didn't do.

"Do you think that'll stop once they're out?" Seth asked, obviously aware of what was going on.

"I hope so," I said with a wry laugh, "or I'm going to be the one going to work and Jake will be staying home to play Mr. Mom."

_**August**_

At the beginning of August I was put on bed rest by my grandfather. I had about a month and a half to go before I reached full term, but I was huge. My belly was so large that I had no idea what my feet looked like anymore. I was in a lot of pain, nearly all the time. Almost every movement, except for slow, calculated ones, was cause for pain.

Up until that point I'd tried to keep up some sort of daily routine, at least getting up out of bed and downstairs to the main floor on my own feet; until the day that one of the babies landed a hard kick to my ribs while I was walking down the stairs, holding onto Jake's hand. The swift kick, under my already painfully stretched and swollen skin, caused me to lean over and cry out in pain, clutching my belly where the pain was radiating out from. It was ironic to me that a baby kicking my hard, vampire-like skin hurt a lot more than a baby kicking the soft, flexible skin of a human. In every other instance my skin was my protector. In this instance it was a barrier and a restriction to the small growing bodies inside of me. My skin often felt like a rubber band, stretched to its limit, painfully pulling over the contents inside. And when it was kicked, and subsequently pushed and stretched even more from the inside out, it felt as though it might snap.

If Jake hadn't been beside me when I leaned forward on the stairs in pain, I would have fallen. That was the end of my daily routine. Jake panicked and carried me straight back to bed, swearing on his life that he would rather stay there with me for the next month and a half than have to worry about where and when I could double over next. We spoke with my grandfather who agreed with him, and ordered that I stay in bed until the babies were ready to make their way into the world.

I didn't mind. I understood why it had to be done, but truth be told, I was bored silly in bed all day. Jake stayed with me as much as he could. We watched all of our old favourite movies, and some new ones. We had long discussions about baby names, which we still hadn't completely agreed upon if we were having two children of the same sex. He also made sure that he helped me stretch and massaged my back, my legs and my ever growing belly for me anytime I wanted or needed it. He was a saint, catering to my every need. But I felt so badly keeping him there with me. I called for friends to stay with me as often as I could. Leah was at me house almost every other day, not needing an invitation half of the time, just showing up with dinner, or a cute outfit or toy for the baby, and sticking around to give Jake a break and keep me company.

He refused to leave me at home alone. We were both worried, at that point, about the possibilities of one of the babies hurting the other, and Jake didn't want me to be alone if that happened. So far, we had been very, very lucky.

When we were given the option to find out the sex of the babies, we thought long and hard about it, but ultimately refused. We both knew that if it did turn out that we were having a boy and a girl we'd be beside ourselves with stress and worry about something happening. So, we decided not to find out, and let fate deal us whatever hand it had in store for us. Regardless of whatever else fate may be responsible for, it was strong enough to bring us together and bind us to each other for eternity, under nearly impossible circumstances, so we decided to trust that it would serve us well with our children too. It wasn't much to go on, but we had to hope that everything would be alright.

At the end of August my parents and grandparents decided to come down from Alaska and stay until the babies were born. I was glad for the distraction. My mother knew all too well what it was like to be laid up on painful bed rest during pregnancy, and came prepared with a lot of activities to help distract me and keep me from being bored. My grandmother taught me how to knit. She said that she'd learned how when she was human, and had knit many things for her one and only baby boy, who she lost shortly before my grandfather changed her.

During one evening, in late August, Leah had come over to drop off a casserole made by Grandma Sue. After I'd been put on bed rest, my grandmother by marriage was a life saver, sending over meals for Jake and I at least twice a week. Both she and Grandpa Charlie still worked, so they couldn't be a round much to keep me company, but my Grandma Sue always found time to make a little extra food, and would send it with Leah when she didn't have time to come over herself.

"Spicy chicken casserole tonight," Leah said while setting the dish on the stovetop and getting out a plate for me. As she dished it up, Jake piped up from the couch where he'd been rubbing my feet for the past half hour as my mom and I folded baby clothes that we'd washed in preparation for their arrival.

"Just one plate?" he asked pointedly, obviously questioning why she wasn't bringing him a dishful too.

"Hey, you carried your pregnant wife all the way down here by yourself. You can get your own casserole," she replied saucily with a smirk.

"What the hell?" Jake asked in mock anger, "Can't you see I'm a bit busy _with_ my wife right now, Leah?" pointing out that he was obviously too busy helping me with my feet to get his own dinner.

"Right," Leah said as she set down the spatula and picked up my plate. "Well, the way I see it Jake, you getting _busy_ with your wife is what landed her on the couch for months on end in the first place. And since it's your fault she can't get her own food, the least you could do is feed yourself." She smiled sweetly at him, while balancing my plate on my huge belly and handing me a fork.

Jake scoffed.

"Hey, the way _I_ see it, I could always _order_ you to get it for me," Jake teased and waggled his eyebrows at me playfully, obviously thinking that I was enjoying their sarcastic banter as much as he was. I wasn't. I was too wrapped up in the delicious, spicy casserole that I was devouring to care.

Leah lifted one of her eyebrows and narrowed her gaze at Jake before replying.

"Really Jacob? Are you sure you want to play the _alpha_ card with me right now?" she asked in mock defiance, before glancing at me and then my father pointedly.

My father, who was busy playing chess with my grandfather, snapped his head up to snarl at Jake. I nearly choked on my casserole when I realized what Leah must have given my father a glimpse of. Between the glance at me, and the emphasis she had put on the word 'alpha' it didn't take long to figure out. The last time that she saw Jake and I together when he was in alpha mode was at the club the night of our bachelor and bachelorette parties... when Jake had been more or less _all_ over me from the moment we laid eyes on each other. Ironically, it was also the night our two little miracles, which were at the heart of this little debate between the alpha and his beta, were conceived.

Jake glared at Leah in warning, while she laughed under her breath and shook it off with a smile. The little tete a tete ended shortly after when my father announced that he needed to hunt, and took off through the back doors, but not before throwing Jake one more icy glare before he left.

In the end Jake ended up getting his own casserole while Leah took his spot by my feet and I asked her how her job search was going. She'd finished school and picked up two extra credits over the summer, to make up for what she missed while we were gone. She graduated in May and was looking for work as a women's counsellor. She was in the middle of telling me about an interview she had at a women's shelter in Port Angeles when her cell phone rang.

"Hey, baby bro. What's up?" she answered after she checked her call display. Her eyes widened and she straightened her posture after listening to him for a few seconds.

"Okay, slow down there, Seth. Where are you?" she asked with a smile.

She nodded when she got her answer and hung up without saying goodbye.

"He hung up on me," she explained when I looked surprised at her letting him go that way. "Olivia's in labour, and he's a bit out of sorts."

"Oh, Leah, that's great!" I exclaimed.

Olivia was three days past her due date, and I knew that she was anxious to have the baby. When she came over last week she was abnormally _quiet_, which says a lot about someone who doesn't talk much to begin with, and actually mentioned once or twice that she was uncomfortable because of the heat when she did decide to talk. I knew that she wasn't feeling like herself, and to be honest, I understood exactly where she was coming from. The heat didn't bother me in the slightest, but I had been uncomfortable for months, and had already started saying silent prayers for the last stretch of my pregnancy to pass quickly and my body to be mine again.

"Well, that's my cue to go," Leah said, standing up and giving me a small hug.

"Congratulate Seth and Olivia for us when you get there please, Leah. Edward will be so happy to hear the news," my mom said to her step sister.

"I will. I'm sure he'll want you guys to come by later so that he can show the baby off. We'll call when he or she arrives," Leah said with a smile.

She picked her keys up from where she laid them on the counter and turned toward Jake who was eating his casserole with a smile on his face. It was easy to see how happy he was for his friend. Jake and Seth were the closest of all of the wolves in the pack, and Jake knew just how much Seth was looking forward to today. I smiled at him, too. We were both excited for them.

"I'll text you with updates ever hour or so," Leah said quietly to Jake, knowing that he would want to know what was going on.

"Thanks, Leah," he said as she waved him off and walked out of the door.

The next few hours were filled with spreading the happy news as one by one, the other wolves called the house to confirm the news. My father beamed from ear to ear when he heard, and immediately told my mom that he'd like to go up and see the baby as soon as it was born, which made us laugh because it was exactly what Leah predicted Seth would want him to do.

It was getting close to nine in the evening, when Jake received his fourth text from Leah, then the mood changed. He smiled at first and then frowned at the screen, instead of sharing Olivia's progress with everyone like he had with the first three texts, and immediately started texting back. I watched with concern as Jake's face first grew confused and then worried after reading Leah's reply.

"What is it, Jake?" I asked quietly.

He glanced up at my father, whose face was an unreadable mask at the moment, and I saw the fleeting moment of communication from him to my dad in his thoughts. My dad nodded and called for my grandfather quietly, who was out in the garden with my grandmother, while Jake turned to face me and my mother.

"Olivia's having a bit of a rough time," he said quietly and seriously. He smiled softly and took my hand in his, placing them on top of my belly. One of our two babies chose that moment to bump into our hands gently, which made both of us smile a bit at each other.

"They had a boy," he announced glancing between me and my mother. "His name is Elijah Harold, and he's doing just fine."

He took a deep breath and reached up to brush my hair back behind my ear with a frown.

"But Olivia's in surgery and Seth's kind of a mess. Leah asked if I would go down there and sit with him for a while. She's going to stay with Elijah until Olivia's out," Jake said while looking at me with sad eyes.

The pain he felt for Seth was palpable. None of the pack bothers like to think about something bad happening to someone a fellow wolf imprinted on. I nodded quickly, assuring him that he should go. I flipped my hand under his, so that it was palm up, and he could hear what I was thinking.

_You should go. I know how he was there to support you when I was gone_, I whispered to him.

He nodded and clenched his jaw a bit. I could see from his thoughtsthat he was remembering how much strength he got from having Seth, ever-optimistic and supportive, at his side while I was missing.

_He needs you now. Just go, Jake. Don't worry about me. _

I saw my father and grandfather preparing to go to the hospital out of the corner of my eye, and was grateful for the fact that they were going to support Seth as well. My dad and Seth were good friends, and my grandfather was always a calm and reliable source to have around during a medical problem.

"Bella," Jake started and turned to look at her. He stopped short when she shook her head and cut him off.

"Don't worry about Nessie, Jake. Esme and I will be here with her. She'll be fine. You go take care of Seth," my mom said sincerely.

He nodded and rose off the couch to leave, but not before placing a sweet kiss in the centre of my belly and one on my lips.

"Love you, Ness," he whispered into my lips.

"Love you too," I whispered when he pulled away. "Call when you have news."

He nodded, picked up his keys and wallet, and followed my dad and grandfather out the door.

Over the next two hours I tried to wait patiently for Jake to call, while my mom and grandmother talked about anything and everything they could to distract me from worrying. I did my best to try and follow their conversations, but after a while, I just couldn't hide the ever growing fear that something had gone wrong with my friend. When I began fidgeting with my rings and imagining what sorts of things might have gone wrong for what was probably the millionth time, the chirping of my cell phone interrupted my thoughts.

I picked it up quickly and saw that I had gotten a text from Jake. I thought it was a bit odd that he texted instead of called, but he might have figured that I'd fallen asleep, given that it was almost midnight.

I sighed with relief when I saw that Olivia was out of surgery and in recovery. Jake sent a second text saying that he was going to stay with Seth until she woke up, and then he would come home.

With that news, I relaxed a bit, and asked my mom and grandmother if they wouldn't mind taking me upstairs to bed. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep without Jake, but I was feeling a bit cramped from being on the couch all day.

After they'd carried me up and helped me settle in, my mom and grandmother decided to stay in the guest room down the hall so I could get some rest, and told me to call if I needed them. I thanked them quietly as they left.

I reached for my iPod, flicked on one of my favourite playlists, and breathed through a painful cramp on my right side. The babies were shifting a bit, due to my change in location and position and I knew it would probably take them a few minutes to get settled. I rubbed the side of my belly softly and tried to focus on the music, letting it work its magic. I could usually get lost in music, and forget about the world for a while as I listened to something I loved. After the first few songs I felt my body begin to relax as the babies settled down and the pain subsided. I let my breathing shift back to normal, but kept rubbing my side in hopes that it would keep the babies calm. If they were still and resting I could be comfortable and pain free. It didn't happen often, but I was grateful for the fact that they seemed to be taking pity on me on this night.

I felt the bed dip slightly behind me, over an hour later, and turned to see that my mom had rejoined me. I frowned at the clock and the fact that Jake still hadn't made his way home. It was unlike him to be gone for so long, especially at night. I felt worry bubble up in the pit of my stomach again, considering that I knew it would take something really important for him to leave my side for so long at a time like this.

"Have you heard anything?" I asked my mother as I removed my ear buds. She smiled sadly and shook her head from side to side.

"No. Your father hasn't been in touch with me either."

My frown deepened at that thought. My dad tended to keep people in the dark about things to prevent them from worrying.

She sighed and bit her lip a bit while looking me over.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly. "I know the nights are hardest for you."

I grimaced and nodded in agreement, because she was right, the nights were when the babies seemed to be most active, and that was what usually caused me the most pain. That night seemed to be an exception, though. So I shook off my grimace and smiled lightly instead.

"They seem to know something's up," I said rubbing over the centre of my unusually calm belly. "They've been resting most of the night, so I can too."

"That's good," she replied with a soft smile of her own. "You're doing amazingly well, you know. Your father and I are so proud of you, sweetheart. These babies are very lucky to have you. They could not ask for a better mother."

"Thanks mom," I said, my eyes welling with tears. It had not been an easy journey for me, and it was comforting to hear praise for doing well. I was always so worried about something going wrong... But that was where Jake came into the equation. He made sure that nothing ever did. I shook my head with a smirk, knowing that she was right about the babies being lucky, but that I was really the smaller part of the equation to be thankful for.

I glanced over to our nightstand and looked at the small picture there of Jake and I smiling at each other during our first dance on our wedding day. I took a minute to appreciate the sight of us together, with his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me up, his warm smile guiding the way for my happiness. And I missed him. He'd only been gone for a few hours, and I hadn't been alone, but I knew how much I needed him – now more than ever.

I felt my mom's cold finger gently swiping an errant tear from my cheek. I glanced over to her face to find her brow wrinkled a bit in concern and her eyes shining with love.

"I'm okay," I whispered, giving her hand a squeeze. "I know it's a bit irrational, because he's only been gone a few hours, but... I miss him." I admitted quietly.

She nodded.

"That's only natural Renesmee. You're emotional right now, and he's what helps you stay calm, and keep it together."

"Oh, it's so much more than that," I told my mom sincerely. "The way he loves me, and takes care of me, Mom," I shook my head in wonder and disbelief, "it's everything. _He's_ everything. I could never have done this without him."

To my surprise, she smiled brightly and nodded her head in confirmation at my admission that I couldn't handle this pregnancy on my own.

"I know," she said seriously. "Taking care of the people he loves is what Jake does best. And he loves you so much, Renesmee. He does all of that as much for himself as he does for you."

I nodded, unable to speak through the lump in my throat and blinked out another tear or two.

She sighed and wiped away the wetness from my cheeks before moving to stand.

"Why don't I go downstairs and get you some water. Are you hungry?"

I thought water sounded wonderful at the moment and agreed to it immediately, hoping it would help clear the thick lump of emotions lodged in my throat. I refused the snack. I didn't feel up to any food at the moment. My stomach was still tied up in knots waiting for news about Olivia.

I shifted and pulled back the covers on the bed a bit when she left the room. I was getting warm after being under them for so long. I was wearing a tank top and shorts, which was unusual for me as of late. I didn't like to wear anything at all to bed, especially with Jake's warm body and the added weight from the babies pressing against me. But with Jake gone and my mother and grandmother coming in and out of my room, I needed to have something on.

My mom returned with the water, which I drank immediately and within minutes had to use the washroom. My mom helped me rise off the bed slowly and make my way to the en suite, letting me know she'd wait outside for me just in case I needed her help. I had just finished and was busy washing my hands when I heard the car pull up. I barely had time to finish rinsing my hands and turning the taps off before Jake's tired and concerned voice echoed through our room.

"How's she doing, Bella? Is she okay?"

"I'm fine," I answered as I quickly towelled off and waddled my way to the bathroom door. I opened it to find him standing on the other side, and the room otherwise empty.

"Oh, Jake," I gasped with worry as I took in his haggard expression. I could feel the fear rising in me quickly.

_What had gone wrong?_

He shook his head at me and surprised me by picking me up and cradling me in his arms.

"She's going to be okay," he said quietly, making me sigh in relief, as he carried me back to bed. He set me down gently, and without saying another word began peeling off my clothes and then his.

He crawled up into bed behind me and wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me to him, and breathing heavily in my hair. I held his hands to my chest and gripped them to me, worried about him. He looked exhausted and was hanging on to me for dear life.

"Was it really bad?" I asked quietly, knowing that it had to be for him to be this shaken up by it.

I heard him swallow thickly behind me and take a deep breath before answering.

"It was touch and go there for a while. There were... complications," he said, but didn't elaborate. To be honest, I wasn't sure that I wanted him to.

I hadn't been worried about labour and delivery much up until that point, because my grandfather had assured me that despite having twins, it should be just like any other half-vampire delivery... just twice the work. I didn't really need or want to start worrying about possible complications, and Jake was probably trying to keep me from doing that too. I hated that he was probably doing that very thing himself at that moment.

"She's okay, though," I said, trying to sound encouraging, "and everything's going to be fine with the baby right?"

"Yes," he sighed in relief. I felt a bit of the tension leave his body at that admission.

"Good," I whispered back, and turned my head to face him, before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Everything's going to be fine," he mumbled and I nodded, knowing that he wasn't speaking only of Olivia and Seth, and then told him to get some rest. We curled into each other, getting as close to each other in body as we could under the circumstances, and held each other tightly while we drifted off to sleep.

_**September**_

My birthday passed without much fanfare. I asked Jake to keep it small and quiet, because I was so tired and almost constantly uncomfortable. My aunts and uncles came down from Alaska, and joined a few of the wolves and their wives and girlfriends at our house for coffee and a large vanilla cake topped with whipped cream and fresh fruit made by Grandma Sue. The highlight of my day had been watching my Grandpa Charlie tease my mom about being made a grandmother so soon. My father, Jake and I had all tried to muffle our laughs at her slightly mortified expression over being called Grandma at the age of twenty four. I wasn't offended. I knew my mom was ecstatic about the babies. But that didn't change the fact that she was going to be one of the world's youngest grandparents, and I had to admit, that I could see where that would be uncomfortable for her. I was silently hoping that the little ones Jake and I were bringing into the world would mature a bit more slowly than I did, or I could very well cut my mom's record timing in half, and become a grandparent by the time I was twelve.

My father's eyes had widened to the point that they'd nearly fallen out of his head when he read that little thought running through my head and had murmured a quiet agreement to my sentiments. He said he'd be happy to be a great grandfather, but would like some time to enjoy his grandchildren as children this time around, if possible.

The day after the party Seth and Olivia came by with little Elijah. It had been three weeks since Olivia had given birth, but whatever she had gone through left her quite weak. She had only been home for one week, and wasn't up to dealing with the crowd at my party. I was so happy to see them when they came in, that I cried. I'd been so worried about my friend. She was such a sweet and gentle person, and to hear that she had suffered quite a bit after giving birth to Elijah, who weighed in at just over nine pounds, made me sick with worry for her. I hugged her as tightly as I could, keeping in mind that she was still fairly weak and asked her how she was feeling.

She smiled.

"I'm doing a lot better," she said quietly, although I could see that her strength wasn't what it should be.

Seth had carried Elijah's car seat in, and even lifted him out of it for her, before placing him gently in her arms. They both had dark circles under their eyes, which I supposed was normal for parents of a newborn, but Olivia's were more pronounced, and you could see the exhaustion in her gaze. But as she stared at her son the twinkle returned to her eyes. She held him closely and settled him a bit with soothing words when he began to fuss, before turning him to face me.

"Oh," I sighed when I took in the sight of the tiny boy in front of me. "He's adorable," I breathed. Elijah had Seth's tanned complexion, broad cheeks and full lips, but Olivia's small nose and large eyes, with full dark lashes.

"He takes after his mother," said Seth with a quiet chuckle and an adoring glance down at his beloved wife and son.

"I'll say," Jake said with a smile before tickling one of Elijah's tiny hands with a large finger, causing the baby to open his fist and grab onto it.

"But he has his father's grip," he chuckled, waggling his finger back and forth, to see how long it would take for the baby to let go.

"Do you want to hold him?" Olivia asked. I looked up, to find that she'd asked the question of me, not Jake.

I smiled and nodded slowly. My maternal instincts were in overdrive at that point. My body seemed to crave the presence of a little one. Something in my heart just reached out to that little boy. I looked to Jake, who helped me sit up in the spot that I had been half lying down on, before holding my hands out to Olivia.

I had to rest him partially on my large belly, and hold his head up high with my arm. He squirmed a bit, and then yawned sweetly, before settling down in my arms. I smiled and introduced myself to him as his aunt Nessie, telling him that I looked forward to many play dates with him and the little ones inside me for years to come.

At that precise moment, at least one my little ones decided to agree with me, strongly, and planted a firm nudge right underneath where Elijah was resting. I gasped and startled a bit. Jake swiftly and carefully removed the baby from my arms and returned him to Olivia, before turning back to check on me.

"You okay?" he asked as he rubbed the spot with his hand.

I nodded, but gasped again when one of the babies shifted to the side, and then down, abruptly, causing me to yelp a bit and arch my back. Jake got off the couch and bent down beside me to shift my position. Once he'd moved me back to half sitting, half lying down I got a bit more comfortable. The baby was still moving a bit, but there was less pressure because I was more stretched out. It hurt, but it was manageable.

It took a minute or so for my breathing to return to normal after that. I could see that Jake was concerned because the pain was sharper, and I'd reacted more strongly that time, but his concern faded as I calmed down.

Seth and Olivia stayed for another hour or so, but I had trouble focusing on the rest of their visit. The shift that the baby made when they moved downward seemed to put a lot of pressure on my lower spine, and it was aching on and off the whole time they were there. I breathed through it and tried to ignore it as much as possible, but Jake could see that there was something bothering me, and kept asking me if I was feeling okay. I told him I was a bit sore, which was nothing new, but didn't elaborate and say that the general location of soreness had changed. His eyes narrowed at me a couple of times, as if to warn me that he knew I was keeping something from him, but each time he did it I smiled and waved him off. I was sure that once Seth and Olivia left and I could settle into a different position in bed, I'd be fine. I didn't want him to worry.

An hour later, after we'd said our goodbyes, Jake settled me into my favourite position, on my left side, in bed. I breathed a sigh of relief as I hit the mattress and felt a small smile creep across my face. As much as I disliked bed rest, I had to admit, that my body wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and take a long nap. I was very tired.

"Will you rest with me a bit?" I asked Jake as he crawled in beside me.

"Sure," he said and wrapped his arms around me from behind. 'Tired already, baby?"

I shrugged and nodded as my heavy eyelids drooped closed. It was only half past ten in the morning, but between the party the night before, and the odd back pain from this morning I was utterly exhausted.

He chuckled and rubbed my belly a bit.

"I guess we should get as much rest as we can now. Judging by the dark circles under Seth and Olivia's eyes, we might not have any good rest for quite a while after these two get here."

"Mmmmm," I hummed under my breath, already half asleep. I shifted as I felt another small twinge of pain in my lower back, but ignored it as best I could and let sleep take over.

_**Two hours later**_

"_Ohhhhhh, ow," _I moaned as I was jolted awake by an intense throbbing in my lower back. I felt Jake stir behind me when he heard me wake up. His hand absently roamed my hips and belly, where the pain was usually situated. He was used to being woken up by me this way, and rubbing away my aches and pains.

But this time was different.

"_Oh," _I panted as the pain twisted in my lower back again, making it arch a bit and causing Jake's hand to fall away from me to the mattress, "_Ohhhhh, God."_

"Ness?" Jake said, now fully wake and pulling himself up to half seated position to look at my face. The look on my face must have said something about the fact that the pain I was feeling was new and intense, because his eyes widened as he took me in.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked hurriedly, just as I shifted position again to ward off another hot, searing cramp in my lower back.

"Oh, Jake," I breathed, grimacing at the intensity and depth of the pain, "my back."

His hand quickly flew to the middle of my back and rubbed, but he was too high up to do any good.

"No," I panted out as the intense cramp from before started to subside, "not there. Lower. Please."

His hand shifted down to my lower back right above where I needed it most, and rubbed in gentle circles. I moaned loudly in relief.

"Yes, there. Thank you," I whispered as the cramp began to subside. After a minute or so it seemed like the pain had all but gone away, except for a persistent deep ache beneath the surface of my muscles and bones. I felt my body relax a bit into the mattress as it passed.

"Better?" Jake asked.

I nodded.

"Thank you."

I closed my eyes, still feeling oddly tired after our long nap, and rested. I didn't say anything and neither did Jake. He continued to rub my back, and I let him, because the muscles were still tense, even if they weren't sore and cramping.

After a few minutes of resting my peace was disturbed by yet another cramp.

"OH! Ah!" I exclaimed and arched my back again dramatically as the pain near my lower spine came on quickly and surprised me.

"Nessie?" Jake asked as he pulled me back to him and rubbed the same spot again. "Baby, is it your back again?"

I didn't answer, just moaned through the pain that seemed to radiate now from back, down lower... deeper... it was more... more... more...

_Oh! _I thought frantically as it twisted and then spread from back into my core and lower belly all at once. _It's MORE._

"J-J-Jake," I panted out as the pain eclipsed my ability to speak properly.

"What?" he asked frantically.

"Ohhhh, uuuuh... Oh God, Oh God, Oh GOD!" I squeaked out as the pain intensified.

"Baby? Ness, _please,_" he pled, desperately as he continued to rub my back, "what is it? What's wrong?"

"I," I paused and moaned under my breath as the pain seemed to reach a peak deep within my belly and then slowly began to subside.

When it had dissipated and I was able to catch my breath, I continued.

"I need you to," I gulped and shook my head, clearing it from the confusion the intense pain caused. Something inside of me was burning, stretching and being pushed against by the lower baby _and it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before._ It could only mean one thing.

"Call Grandpa," I mumbled tiredly. My parents and grandparents had gone hunting while Seth and Olivia were visiting and they weren't back yet. The pain had receded a little while back and it left me feeling tired from the inside out. I was trying to find a way to relax my muscles a bit before the next wave hit, and I was sure it was imminent.

"Why? What's going on? You have to tell me what you're feeling, Ness, so I can tell him," he told me quietly as he rubbed my back and I rested against him. His voice was still thick with concern, but I could tell he was trying to stay calm for my sake.

I didn't have an opportunity to respond, because at that very moment, the pain was back, and it was even worse than before. The pain in my lower back was hot and searing, making me arch against it again, higher this time, while the ache in my core intensified to an all out pulsing throb, which made the muscles in my lower belly tense violently.

"AH!" I yelped and grit my teeth against the pain.

"Ness!" Jake called out in a panic.

"Jake!" I ground out. "Call Grandpa, now!"

But instead of doing as I asked, he hesitated, and started asking me what to tell my grandfather again.

And that's when I lost it.

"Jacob Black! Get on the phone and call him!" I snarled through gritted teeth. "Babies," I panted, not even able to get out a full coherent sentence through the pain, "NOW! Just CALL!"

He froze, and I could swear that although I never wanted to cause him harm, I had to restrain myself from physically slapping him out of his stupor.

"JAKE!" I yelped again as the pain began to reach new heights.

"Babies? Now?" he asked in shock? It was a few weeks early, and I knew it, but we were having twins and they often came a bit early for human mothers.

"Ness... are you _sure_?"

_Is he seriously asking me if I'm SURE about whether or not I am in labour? _

I growled and decided to solve the problem the best way I knew how.

_Oh, I'll show you SURE, Jacob Black._

I reached behind me just as the pain hit its crescendo, digging, searing and twisting deep into my core... and locked my palm onto his bare arm.

"AHHH, FUCK!" he cried out, and I released him, knowing that if _that_ hadn't gotten my point across, nothing would.

"Nessie! Oh my God, baby, are you okay?" he asked me frantically while trying to catch his breath and regain his bearings after feeling what I felt at the height of a contraction.

I growled loudly in frustration.

_Is he kidding me right now?_

"No, Jake I am NOT okay!" I cried out. "Please, call Grandpa, NOW!"

"Shit, baby I am so sorry," he said quickly, his eyes wide in a panic, hands flying around his large frame to every pocket in his jeans, trying to find his phone. "Right, yeah, I'm calling. Now."

His right hand flew to my back and he restarted rubbing as he dialled my grandfather's number on his phone. While he waited for my grandfather to pick up I could hear him muttering to himself under his breath, but couldn't focus on his voice well enough to hear what he was saying.

I rolled my eyes at his slightly panicked tone when he relayed what was going on to my grandfather, finally understanding the old wives tales about father's fainting in the labour and delivery rooms. Granted, Jake was probably the first father in history ever to feel what a contraction was actually like, even if it was second hand, but I was still exasperated at how out of sorts he seemed to be.

"They're on their way, Ness," he told me as soon as he hung up.

He ran a hand through my hair and looked down at me with what seemed like the weight of the world on his shoulders as the pain subsided and I began to relax.

"Damn, baby," he breathed and his face crumpled in sympathy at the memory of the pain, as his large dark eyes bored into mine, "that was intense."

I huffed out a dry chuckle and looked at him incredulously.

"You think?" I asked sarcastically, and then immediately regretted it when I saw the intensely remorseful look on his face.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, "I'm freaking out a bit here, Ness," he admitted softly.

"It's okay," I said and took a deep breath during the break from the pain, "I freaked out too."

"Yeah, but you definitely had a better reason to lose it than I did," he mumbled and brushed his hand against my back again.

I nodded in agreement and didn't contradict him on that one. He was right.

He took a deep breath and shook his head as if to clear it. I smiled as I saw his panic subside and his strength return. I needed his help for this, and it would be so much better for everyone if we weren't both panicking in the heat of the moment.

"So," he whispered softly and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, "looks like we're going to have some babies today."

I smiled and then winced as I felt the muscles in my back twitch, signalling that the pain was about to return.

I cried out as it hit in full force within a matter of seconds, but this time, Jake was there, still rubbing my back and talking to me softly, making me feel so much calmer through the whole thing.

"It's okay, Ness. Just tell me what you need me to do. I'm here," were the last words I heard from him before the rest of my family made their way into the house and headed straight for our room.

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**So, as Alice would say, "It's time, it's time!" lol**

**For those of you paying close attention, I do realize that there are still one or two loose ends that need tying up from earlier in the fic. Don't worry, it will happen before this is all over.**

**One more chapter and an epi to go.**

**~Hitchy**


	57. Everything

**Many thanks to shepeppy, my beta and best friend. She beta's the crap out of my fic – literally!**

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_**Seth and Olivia's fic, **__**Lost Together**__**, has been posted here at fanfiction. You'll have to look it up through my author's file if you want to get to it**_**. Please ignore the fact that the first chapter was posted under the "Hunger Games" category instead of Twilight. Fanfiction has been experiencing some major problems over the last two weeks which have not been allowing people to add new stories to popular categories like Twilight. The only way for us to do it is to add the fic to a less popular category and then change the category once it's been posted. Fanfiction's problems have also caused some issues with story updating, although a lot of us have found a way to work around that, which is how this chapter is making it to you today.**

**Well, on to the last chapter of Wicked Games. I won't keep you anymore up here.**

**See you at the bottom.**

**~H**

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 57 – Everything**

**Chapter Song: Can You Take Me Higher ~ Creed**

When dreaming I'm guided to another world  
Time and time again  
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep  
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place  
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape  
From the life I live when I'm awake  
So let's go there  
Let's make our escape  
Come on, let's go there  
Let's ask can we stay?  
_(Chorus)_  
_Can you take me Higher?  
To a place where blind men see  
Can you take me Higher?  
To a place with golden streets  
_  
Although I would like our world to change  
It helps me to appreciate  
Those nights and those dreams  
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights  
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same  
The only difference is  
To let love replace all our hate  
So let's go there  
Let's make our escape  
Come on, let's go there  
Let's ask can we stay?

_Chorus_

So lets go there, lets go there,  
Come on, lets go there  
Lets ask can we stay?

Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time  
Set up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams  
And make them mine  
Set up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams  
And make them mine

_Chorus x 2_

_**Can You Take Me Higher ~ Creed**_

**JPOV**

Nessie's pregnancy was... rough. There really was no other word for me to describe it. Starting very early on she had growing pains that usually hit her hardest at night. In the beginning it wasn't so bad. She had 'cramps' as she called them, and they would make her uncomfortable, but she smiled through them, would change her position in bed and they would go away within an hour or so. I'd offer to help her, and rub her skin and muscles a bit, but she would usually just thank me, and wave me off like it was nothing.

Things changed when her hips started to widen a bit. It was really early on in her pregnancy, and Carlisle, Edward and I had all hoped that it wouldn't hit her so soon. But with twins, she didn't really have a choice. I had already discussed what would be happening with her body, how she'd feel and how it would affect her life in detail with the doc. We knew that this would be the turning point for her from being generally uncomfortable, to being in pain – a lot. We just weren't expecting it to happen as early as it did. So you can imagine how my heart went out to her when Leah got in touch with me the day she was at Seth and Olivia's. I knew, from the moment I saw her sitting in that chair, pale as ghost, hands clutching her sides, unable to move, and she told me that she had pain in her hips, that the pregnancy was about to get so much harder for her.

When Carlisle spoke to me on the phone and suggested massage techniques that we could try, he ended the conversation by letting me know that he'd be available, any time, day or night, to call for more advice. It was his way of confirming what I already knew, without saying it out loud. Nessie was going to be in pain, around the clock, for the next four months.

When I hung up the phone with him I had to take a moment to reign in my frustration; because I had to move her, and cause her pain; because I knew it was only going to be the first of many, many times over the next few months that she would have to go through that; because I had to watch her suffer and I couldn't do a _damn_ thing to stop it; because _I fucking loved her _with everything that I was, and I was dying inside with the need to take some of the burden on myself, but I couldn't; because this one was all on her.

It went against everything I was to sit back and watch her suffer. As a man, and even more so as an imprinted wolf, watching the woman you love live with pain, day after day, and not being able to do something to take it away, was just all fucking kinds of hard for me. I was supposed to be the one to protect her, and there was nothing I could do to protect her from any of this.

So I made up my mind that there was no way in hell I was going to let her do any of it alone. If she was in pain, I was there to help rub it away. If she was up at all hours of the night because the pain wouldn't let her sleep, then I was up too, helping her and keeping her company. When it got hard for her to walk and get out of the house, I stayed home with her, as much as possible. She was going through all of it because she was carrying _our_ children. How could I not want to help her any way that I could?

And in true Nessie style, she did almost all of it without complaining. It was clear pretty early on that she wouldn't be able to do a lot around the house. Just after the beginning of her fifth month it got really difficult for her to be on her feet for more than ten minutes at a time before she started to get sore. We, well mostly I, divided up the chores so that I was doing all of the ones that had to do with standing or walking around a lot, like sweeping or cooking. Laundry was out of the question for her too. Bending over to get the clothes out of the machine wasn't something she could do.

She wouldn't let me do everything though, even though I told her she shouldn't worry about it, and that she should get her rest whenever she could. She insisted on folding laundry and putting it away in shifts, taking a break whenever she needed to. If I was cooking, she would offer to sit at the counter and cut vegetables, mix marinades or prepare meat. She was worried, she said, about me taking on too much. She wanted to do her share in whatever way she could around the house. And _I_ told _her_ not to worry about me because _she_ was my priority, and she needed to put herself first. She promised to try – but she didn't. She still felt the need to contribute to whatever she could, whenever she could.

At five and half months in, when I could tell that even the small things were getting hard for her to do, I called her out on it. I asked her why she couldn't just let me do what I needed to do for her, and she responded by doing what Nessie does best. She shocked the hell out of me.

I think I looked at her like she had three heads when she confessed that she felt like _I_ was doing all the work. She said that I was taking on enough by working with the council, overseeing the building of our house and doing most of the chores. I gaped at her and then told her she was crazy – because she was.

Her body was working overtime, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week to support the two children she was carrying. She was exhausted nearly all the time because the pain her body went through to grow and accommodate those two babies kept her up at all hours of the night. The amount of effort it took for her to get out of bed and do simple things like cook a small meal or dust some furniture – while she was sleep deprived and could barely move a muscle without causing herself pain – was immense. Anyone could see that. You would have to be blind not to see how difficult it was for her, even if she did do her best to hide her pain with a smile.

And _she_ thought _I_ was taking on too much.

I humoured her for a little while longer after that. She got big, really quickly, at the end of the fifth month and the beginning of the sixth. She was put on bed rest in August, and then she really didn't have a choice anymore. I could tell that it bored her not to be busy, but her body really couldn't handle doing anything more than resting for most of the day. I took care of everything after that, and I was happy to do it. She needed to look after herself, and worry about our two little babies, and nothing else. I felt good after that point, like I had a handle in things, and I didn't have to worry about her overdoing herself. I was taking care of her, and she would be okay. We just had a month and a half left to go.

Most of the good feelings I had flew out the window faster than Dorothy flew out of Kansas the night that Olivia gave birth to Elijah, though. At first I was really excited and happy for Seth. He was thrilled to be a dad and I couldn't have been happier for him. I knew something was really wrong when Leah sent me the text that Olivia was having trouble, though. Leah said that she needed someone to stay with Seth because he'd asked her to stay with the baby. That struck a chord with me, because I knew that there was only one reason that Seth himself would not be with the little guy – the only reason that any of us wolves wouldn't be able to function enough to take care of our own kid. Olivia had to be in really bad shape.

I did my best to stay calm on the way to the hospital and tried hard to think positive. Olivia was a human girl, giving birth to a human, or mostly human, baby. It happened every day and thing almost always went well. So, I didn't think there was any reason to really worry about how things would turn out. Things were as normal as normal could be for Seth and his wife – I told myself – everything would be okay.

When we got to the hospital, Carlisle got an update on her condition right away, because he was listed as her primary care doctor. He'd been looking after Olivia when he came home to visit Nessie for her checkups, because Olivia didn't have a doctor when she moved to Washington. He filled me and Edward in on her condition while we were down the hall and out of earshot from the waiting room. I didn't understand all the technical jargon he was throwing at us, but I got the gist of it. Something had gone wrong during the delivery, and she started hemorrhaging. She lost a lot of blood. They had to take her to surgery to try and fix it. Carlisle didn't comment on how the surgery was going, but based on the blank and serious look he wore on his face, I had a feeling that it wasn't going well.

When we got to the waiting room, all I had to do was take one look at Seth to know that I had guessed right. He was sitting in a chair, elbows on his knees, head in his hands, shaking with tiny tremors from head to toe. He didn't even acknowledge us when we got there. I looked at Edward and saw the pain of Seth's thought reflected on his face. I looked over at Carlisle and saw determination in his eyes before he announced that he was going to ask the hospital staff if he could help. And then I looked back at Seth, and decided to sit next to him and wait.

Edward started answering Seth's thoughts, repeatedly reassuring him that if there was anyone who could help her, it was Carlisle. He spoke quietly. Seth nodded. I nodded with him, and we waited. What else could we do? We were three supernaturally strong, immortal creatures, made strong enough to outrun freight trains, crush buildings and heal from just about any injury in a matter of seconds, but when it came to this... we were helpless.

Olivia eventually made it out of surgery, with Carlisle's help, but still wasn't completely stable when she made it to the recovery room. We decided to wait with Seth until Olivia woke up, just to make sure she was really out of the woods. It was a long night. It took longer for her to stabilize and wake up than it should have. All of the original wolves from mine and Sam's pack had made it to the hospital by the time she made it out of surgery. Edward was tracking Olivia's progress through Carlisle's thoughts while she was in surgery, and sent a text to Sam just as they were closing her up. The odds were not in her favour.

The only thing I reported back to Nessie later was that it was touch and go for a little while, but that was an understatement.

Seth almost lost her.

And on the way home... I lost it.

All I could think about the entire night while I was waiting with Seth was Nessie, and how we were trying so hard to help her through the parts of her pregnancy that were difficult because of the fact that she was a half vampire and she was carrying twins. It had been a long few months for both of us, but we were handling it. The pregnancy was almost over, she was in pain, but it was manageable... and so far our worries about venom hadn't come to life, so it was okay... except that after I saw what Olivia went through, I knew it _wasn't okay_.

And then suddenly... _nothing was okay_. There were still a million things that could go wrong. And I couldn't stop thinking about how things were just... always more... _complicated_ because Nessie was different. Those differences made her beautiful, wonderful, amazing, and I loved her more than I ever could love anyone for exactly who she was, just the way she was. But, if a _regular_ human birth could go _that _wrong... I was petrified thinking about how _her _birth could go wrong - especially after seven months of pain and stress weakening her body. The possibilities were horrifying and endless and they were all I could think about. I didn't notice any of the scenery outside the windows of the car as we drove back home. I didn't hear any of Carlisle and Edward's quiet conversation in the front seat. My mind was completely occupied with thinking about Nessie, and the past five months, and worrying about what the next couple of months would bring for us.

We got about half way home from the hospital when Edward told Carlisle to pull over on the side of the road. I had my shirt, shoes and socks off and had thrown the door open before the car even stopped. I leapt out, tossed off my jeans as quickly as I could and barely made it past the tree line before I the heat that I'd been reigning in flashed up my spine like a bolt of lightning. I phased and ran – fast. I had too much nervous energy. There was so much pent up worry that had been building from the day we found out we were having twins. And I'd never taken the time to deal with it. I'd just pushed past it, and did my best to take care of Nessie, any way that I could.

I ran what was probably about ten miles in under two minutes before Edward caught up with me.

"Better?" he asked quietly as he approached where I was standing.

I shook my head and snarled in frustration at the moss and dirt beneath my feet.

_No, not much._

He nodded and looked me square in the eye.

"She's okay, Jacob," he whispered.

I knew he wasn't talking about Olivia.

"You've taken great care to make sure that she's alright, and she is."

_For how long?_

He sighed and looked down at the dirt, before looking at me again.

"I don't know."

I growled and shook my head violently, trying to clear it of all the ugly thoughts tonight's events had planted in my head.

"She's stronger than Olivia. She can do this, with your help. Bella, Esme and I will be there too. Carlisle will be there. He's the best of the best. No matter what happens, she'll have all of us there to support her."

He was right. Nessie did have a lot of support.

But so did Olivia. She was in a hospital, with proper medical equipment and trained staff. There were at least a dozen of us there, waiting with Seth, by the end of the night, and what _good _did it do?

_I know we couldn't ask for a better doc than Carlisle. I actually don't know how the hell we would have made it through the last few months without him. But how much help were __**we**__ to Olivia tonight, Edward? _I snarled. _We couldn't __**do **__anything. We just sat back and waited. I feel like that's all I've been doing with Nessie too. I'm just sitting back and waiting, reacting. It's killing me not to be able to really __**do**__ something. _

"I know," he said patiently, "believe me, Jacob, I do. You know that I was once in your shoes with Bella, only the circumstances were a bit worse. But you're not giving yourself enough credit. You've done amazingly well. You've been singlehandedly taking care of her every want and need for months. I know that you're nervous and afraid of what's coming next, because you can't control it and might not be able to fix what goes wrong. _If _something goes wrong. That's only natural for a father, Jacob. You need to take some time to just... deal with this... blow off some steam."

I huffed and looked at the ground guiltily. I didn't want praise for taking care of her because there really was nothing else I'd rather be doing. She and our two babies were my entire life. Taking care of the three of them was like self defence. I needed her like I need air to breathe or water to drink. And our babies needed her to survive. Whatever she wanted or needed I would do or get – wherever, whenever, however. It was a no brainer if you asked me. But there I was – _not_ the one in physical pain twenty four hours a day, _not_ the one who might be in danger during labour and delivery – standing there, freaking _the fuck_ out, and keeping her waiting at home while I did it.

And Edward wanted me to 'blow off some steam'. Not fucking likely.

_Yeah, I know, _I told him, at least agreeing to the fact that I was feeling high strung and that some stress relief would have been great at that moment, even if it wasn't going to happen._ And I would, except for the fact that I know she's waiting for me at home right now. She's probably exhausted and needs to sleep. I can't just take time off, Edward, even if Bella and Esme are there. She needs me._

"Yes. She does. She needs your _strength_, Jacob. You've had a long night. Don't bring this stress home to her."

_Shit_. The vamp had a point. 'No emotional stress' was one of the warnings Carlisle gave me back when we first found out she was pregnant, and I had done everything I could to keep her from it up until now. I had to keep things from her about how Paul was handling things and about my own fears for her and the babies. I hated doing it, but it was necessary. And this... what happened to Olivia... was definitely one of those things she didn't need to stress over.

I took a deep breath and nodded. Edward was right. I needed to get my shit together before going back home to her.

"Carlisle has your clothes in the car. I can ask him to drive them back for you and wait at the main house with them. Why don't we take the long way back?" he asked arching an eyebrow at me. "Run with me?"

I thought about my options and realized pretty quickly that my body was way too keyed up to phase back to my human form at the moment, so running home seemed like the only way to go.

I nodded and took off, heading a little to the east of where we actually needed to go, taking a longer route. Edward was fast, even for a vamp, but with all of that extra pent up energy fuelling me, I was giving him a run for his money as we sped through the woods. We dodged trees and rocks and leapt over streams while doing our best to out run the other. It felt good to stretch my legs. The more we ran, the more I could focus on the physical exertion it took to propel my body forward as fast as it could go, and let the worries in my mind take a back seat. It was the first time in months that I'd just let go, gone wolf, and forgotten about everything for a while.

By the time we made it back to the main house an hour later, Carlisle was waiting for us in the driveway with the car and my clothes. I phased back, got dressed and flopped down into the back seat of the car, absolutely drained. Running never tired me out, but I'd channelled and used up all of my adrenaline. And I was suddenly very tired – tired from the last six months, tired from the night's events at the hospital, tired from _everything_. I was tapped out and exhausted. But the run had done me good. I was calm, so it was okay.

_Thanks, _I thought, catching Edward's eye in the side mirror of the car as we pulled up to the cottage.

He didn't reply, just smiled lightly and nodded in return as we got out of the car to head back to our wives. I saw that he looked a bit tired too, and remembered that I wasn't the only one worried about Nessie. It had been a long few months for all of us, but we were nearing the end of it. The babies were due in just under eight weeks. We just had to hold out hope that everything would be fine for that much longer.

**~~~000~~~**

"Seven centimetres," Carlisle said softly as he pulled off the latex glove he was wearing while checking Nessie's progress.

"What?" Nessie panted in disbelief. "Noooo," she moaned as her head rolled to the side in exhaustion, "check again."

I grimaced and shot a glance at Carlisle who was smiling at her sympathetically. Nessie had been in labour for almost twelve hours, and it was progressing slowly. The difference between labour for humans and labour for half vampires was that there was virtually no progression from regular labour to hard labour near the end. It was hard labour, almost right from the start. Every contraction was gut wrenching. Every single one felt like it was about to rip her in two.

I know that for a fact. I felt it.

_Fuck me, did I ever feel it._

When I was being an idiot, and questioning whether or not Nessie was in labour because it was a few weeks early, she'd showed me the best way she knew how that, without a doubt, she knew the babies were on the way.

And _fuck... it __**hurt.**_

I had no idea... just _no idea_ what the hell women went through to get kids here. For Nessie, it was like her entire body tensed up in one big giant ball of pain, and cramped around her middle, where she felt like she was splitting in two with something fighting to get out of her. And to make matters worse, she was having back labour, which meant that instead of the bulk of the pain being focused on her contracting belly and where she was dilating, it was also forcing its way around to the muscles in her back, making them spasm with each contraction just as hard as her stomach muscles were.

I had only been in that amount of pain once in my life, and at the time I'd had half the bones in my body crushed by a newborn vampire.

Yeah. It was _that_ bad.

Except that for Nessie, it might have been even worse than that experience was for me. She couldn't have an epidural because it slowed down dilation and the stretching of her muscles was already very difficult without that getting in the way. We also weren't sure if giving her the amount of pain killers she would need to keep the pain at bay would be harmful to the babies, and we didn't want to chance it.

As a result, it had just been twelve hours of non-stop contractions, with her screaming, panting and gritting her teeth through the pain the whole way. I had never in my entire life loved her more, or felt less deserving of the gifts she was giving me by having our children, then during those twelve hours.

I know why women make such a big deal out of Mother's Day now, and why moms always hold the 'I carried you for nine months and was in labour with you for three days' shit over your head to make you feel guilty when you fucked up and stepped out of line. It's because they fucking _deserve _your guilt. Child birth was a close second cousin to torture if you asked me. I had no idea why anyone would want to do it more than once, much less volunteer. Hell, at that point, I didn't think I'd blame Nessie for not wanting to touch me with a ten foot pole when all of it was all over.

Edward's choked laughter brought me out my thoughts and back to the present. He was smirking at me with an amused expression on his face. I turned to Bella and tossed her a pleading look, begging her with my eyes to get her shield back up and block me out of his head. She's been using it off and on when she could, but it was difficult for her to hold for hours on end and was taking a break at the moment. She took one look at Edward shaking his head at me and laughing silently, to my pathetic pleading expression, and then Nessie who was starting to groan again in another contraction, and took pity on me.

"Let's go out back and call the others," she said taking Edward by the arm and leading him toward the door. "The babies should be just about ready to arrive by the time they get here if they leave now."

Edward nodded and followed her out of the door.

_Edward,_ I thought quickly, hoping that Bella hadn't blocked him out.

"Yes?" he asked as they made their way down the stairs.

_Can you do me a favour and call Sam? I don't want to leave her._

Nessie buckled down tossed her head back, moaning in pain as her latest contraction hit its peak. I ran one hand over her sweat dampened hair and held her tightly clenched fist in my other one, rubbing circles over the back of it with my thumb.

"Yes, of course," he agreed. "Is there anyone else I need to call?"

_No, Sam's going to call Leah and then take care of everything else for me from there. Thanks._

"Anytime. We'll be back soon," he said right before they made their way outside to make their phone calls.

I turned back to look at my exhausted wife as she settled into the bed while the pain subsided.

"Do you need anything, Ness?" I whispered and leaned in to kiss her temple. When I pulled away I licked my lips lightly to clean the moisture off. I tasted peaches and honey, which is my Ness in her purest form, mixed with the salt of her sweat.

"Three more centimetres would be nice," she grumbled and leaned her head heavily into my chest.

I chuckled a bit at her sarcasm and wrapped my arms around her. She was exhausted, and I didn't know how much longer she could keep going the way she was. Her body was twice as tired and her energy level was about half of what the other half vampire moms had when they were in labour because she had carried twins. I looked over at Carlisle and he seemed to be considering the same thing.

"I know you're getting a bit worn out, sweetheart," he said quietly to Nessie.

She nodded into my chest, but didn't do anything else to respond.

"If it's too much," he started, and then hesitated for a moment like he was considering whether or not to continue. He locked eyes with me and I held her a bit tighter when I saw the caution there.

"If it's too much, what, doc?" I asked quietly.

"I came prepared with the necessary equipment for a caesarean section, if needed," he replied calmly.

But there was nothing calm about Nessie's reaction to what he said.

Her body stiffened and her head flew up immediately.

"No," she whispered, looking at me in a panic. Her beautiful brown eyes were large and wild. "No, Jake, I don't want that. Please... please I can't... I saw... too much..." She paled and clung to me tightly.

I knew what she was trying to say. She'd seen at least a half a dozen women bleed to death that way while she was _there_. Not to mention what she knew of her own birth. In her mind a c-section was a very bad thing. It was horrifying for her.

I understood why Carlisle felt the need to bring it up, because if it took her hours to get to the ten centimetre mark from that point, she could be too exhausted to deliver or the babies could be under distress and it might be necessary. We had to be prepared for that. But I knew it would be a nightmare for her, and I didn't want that anymore than she did.

"Shhhh, it's okay," I told her, pulling her back into my chest. I felt her tense up further and then heard her breathing pick up. She whined a bit and then moaned on her way into another contraction.

"We're going to do everything we can to avoid it, Ness. I promise," I said as I rubbed her back. It killed me not to be able to promise her that it wouldn't happen. In the back of mind I said one more silent prayer, adding to the many I'd said in the last six months, for her to just get a break... for everything to work out. Because she needed it, and God knows she deserved it.

An hour and a half later, I got my answer.

"Ten," Carlisle said quietly when he checked her again. He'd been checking every half hour. At the last one she was only eight and a half. Her contractions had been almost non-stop since then, piling on top of each other, barely giving her room to breathe and recuperate in between.

My eyes widened in relief and disbelief.

"Are you serious?" I whispered. He nodded and smiled.

"Ness," I whispered excitedly, turning toward her. She was lying on her back, propped up at an angle with about a thousand pillows, with her head turned to the side facing me, eyes closed. Her mouth was open just a bit as she panted out shallow breaths, trying to rest in a rare minute of peace between contractions. Her sweat drenched hair and shirt, her pale skin, and the dark circles under her eyes all indicated how exhausted she was.

It was a long, hard day. But she'd done it. She was finally dilated and ready to go, and I was so fucking proud of her, I thought I'd burst.

"You did it, baby," I whispered and wiped her wet, matted hair off of her forehead with a cold cloth.

"Mmmmm hhhhhhh" she half mumbled, half sighed. She hadn't spoken a real word, other than to moan, whimper or groan in almost an hour.

The rest of the Cullens had arrived, along with most of my pack and about half of Sam's and were waiting expectantly downstairs. Bella and Esme rushed in to the room carrying what they needed to clean the babies, and get them warm and dressed once they were born. Edward and Carlisle assembled all of the medical equipment necessary to test them and make sure they were okay.

And Nessie – cried.

Giant tears trickled slowly down her cheeks, one from each eye. Her entire body was silent and still, with the exception of her legs, which she began drawing up a bit, indicating that she was on her way in to another contraction.

"Oh, Ness..." I breathed. It hurt to see her so spent, and in so much pain. I wiped away her tears with my thumbs and leaned in to kiss her lightly. "I'm so proud of you, baby," I mumbled into her lips, "I love you so much."

Just then, Carlisle approached the end of the bed and Bella walked around the side opposite to me. She placed a hand on Nessie's bent knee and rubbed her shoulder lightly with the other one.

"Sweetheart, you're having another contraction," Carlisle said quietly but seriously. "It's time to push."

A desperate whimper escaped her mouth and blew across my lips. She trembled.

"So tired," she mumbled and sighed shakily through the pain.

She opened her big brown eyes and peered up at me through her lashes. Her eyes were full of unshed tears, pain and apprehension.

I picked up the hand closest to me and wrapped it up in my own.

"I know," I said honestly, wishing for the millionth time that day that I could do something to ease her pain. But the only thing that was going to help her at that point was getting the babies out, so she could rest. And one way or another, that was about to happen.

"This is it, Ness. You made it through the tough part – seven months of pain while those two grew and moved and pushed around inside you," I told her quietly while she gasped and looked at me in desperation through the height of her contraction.

I lifted our hands and lay them flat on her hard belly, keeping mine on top of hers, and started rubbing in tiny circles, applying pressure, hoping to ease her pain a bit.

I smiled a small smile as she exhaled a sharp and shaky breath, indicating that her contraction was coming to an end.

She relaxed into the mattress and stared up at me through wide, glassy eyes.

"Come on, mama," I whispered, "it's time to push back."

She huffed out a small breath that was probably meant to be a snort of laughter, as the corners of her mouth lifted up in a tiny smile.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded.

She rested like that until the next contraction came. When she felt the beginnings of it, she opened her eyes and wove her fingers into mine, our hands still resting on her large, firm belly. I could feel the muscles tensing up beneath her palm and my fingertips.

"Ready?" I breathed as she hunched forward a bit.

She tightened her grip on my hand, and nodded. And just like that, we were ready to go.

"Ok, sweetheart, when you're ready," Carlisle said softly.

Her face tightened up, and she started to push. A tiny squeak escaped her mouth with the effort. I could tell how difficult it was for her, and it killed me to see her suffering like that, but I did my best to stay calm and count to ten like Carlisle told me to.

We kept going like that through three more contractions. Bella and I both spoke encouraging words to her when she rested in between and Esme took over with the washcloth. After the third contraction, Carlisle told Nessie to stop.

"I can see a head," he said with a small smile. He was busy doing... _something_ with Nessie or the baby. He finished up quickly, and continued. "Alright, one or two more and this first baby will be out, Nessie. You're almost there."

I looked over at Nessie who was panting and whimpering softly. Her eyes were closed and her heard was turned toward me. I felt the next contraction start underneath our hands and took a deep breath. This was it.

Nessie grimaced and then actually grunted with the force it took for the next push. I winced a bit when her grip on my hand tightened to the point where it actually hurt.

She moaned and then keened loudly as Carlisle announced that the head was out, and the shoulders were next. She was so loud that all conversation downstairs cut off, and it seemed like the entire house was holding their breath.

I knew how much this had to be hurting her. I tried really hard not to get distracted thinking about it. She needed me to help her, not stress her out by worrying about how much pain she was in.

_Holy shit, _I thought as Carlisle told her to push hard one last time, _this is it. This is really it. God, she's doing so well._

"You're doing great, Ness," I said encouragingly. "Almost there, baby."

She half-moaned, half screamed in response, and then buckled down and pushed with everything she had. And when she stopped, time stood still.

Carlisle looked down and smiled brightly at the tiny squirming bundle in his hands while Nessie and I held our breath. After a second or two the baby let out a soft cry, and we sighed in relief.

"It's a girl."

My breath left me in a shaky huff.

_Ho-ly shit_.

I was a dad. And I had daughter - a tiny baby girl. I craned my neck a bit to get a look at her over the sheet draped across Nessie's legs. I saw a flash of light toffee coloured skin, and a mop of dark curls, before I heard Nessie cry out in pain again.

And then all of a sudden, time started flying by again.

I shook my head, trying to contain my excitement and wonder over the arrival of our first baby, while Esme took her to clean her up, and Nessie got ready for the next one.

"Arrrrgggghhh!" Nessie screamed and pushed again without being told to. "Ah!"

She seemed to be in a lot more pain all of a sudden, which had me panicking, immediately. I looked down at Carlisle who was concentrating really hard on the next baby.

"Doc?" I asked quickly, looking for an explanation.

"It's okay, Jacob," Carlisle said calmly but seriously, "It just looks as though this little one is a bit bigger than the last."

He looked up at Nessie, whose eyes had flown open in shock and disbelief.

"Bigger?" she shrieked. "Oooohhhhhhh, ah, ah ah! I can't!"

"Yes, you can," I said determinedly and kissed her forehead soundly. "Yes, you can, baby. You're doing great."

"No, no, no, no, no, no," she chanted and moaned, "I can't. Ahhhhhh!"

"Come on, Ness," I said softly, ignoring her protests, because one way or another, this baby was coming out, and her resisting it was only going to make it worse for her. "Come on, you can do this. Push, baby. Push hard and it'll all be over soon."

"Soon?" she spat sarcastically through gritted teeth, and I had to work hard to hold back a chuckle. She had a point. I could see how the entire process couldn't be over soon enough for her. But she was almost there. There was no way I was going to let her give up now.

"Yeah, baby. Soon. I promise. Just another couple of hard pushes and our little girl will have a brother or sister." I smiled and shook my head at that.

_Our little girl. Damn... that was something else._

"Urgh," Nessie grunted and leaned forward determinedly. My smile broadened. She was pushing – hard. Her face froze and flushed with so much colour that she actually started to turn red instead of her usual peach. Her jaw locked and I could hear her grinding her teeth against the pain.

"Good, baby," I breathed out, squeezing her hand in mine. "You're doing it, Ness. Keep going baby. You're almost there."

"He's right, sweetheart. Just give me a little more," Carlisle said quietly. I could see him working with his hands to turn the baby a bit as Nessie pushed and then suddenly, it was over.

The doc leaned back with another smile, looking at the second baby and clearing it's throat with the suction thingy like he had with the first baby, and then a second, louder cry, rang out in the room.

"It's a boy," Carlisle announced.

I leaned over and pulled my exhausted and now sobbing wife into my arms as Bella took the second baby, _our little boy, _away to clean him up.

I felt my heart swell with pride and love so large, so powerful and so deep that it literally knocked me speechless. I held Nessie to me tightly and said a million prayers of thanks for the fact that the babies were here, and against all odds, everything was alright.

I felt Nessie bury her face in my neck and sigh through her tears. She'd done it. My beautiful girl had worked so hard, and did everything she could to bring _my _babies, _our babies, _into the world.

And then it was official.

I was definitely the luckiest bastard alive. I had a gorgeous, loving, sweet, fun, compassionate and sexy as hell woman, who means the world to me. And she'd just given me the best gift in the world, by having not one, but two of my babies – a boy and a girl – the best of both worlds. It was everything I'd ever wanted - all of my dreams and hopes at once. And I owed it all to her, my wonderful wife, my Nessie.

_It just doesn't get any better than this. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. _

I pulled back and looked down into her beautiful, exhausted face and whispered the only words I could think to say at that moment.

"Thank you," I breathed and leaned in to kiss her lips lightly. "I love you, Ness," I mumbled against her lips, "thank you, so much."

She nodded and kissed me back weakly. I felt her body slump a bit toward the pillows and laid her down against them softly. She was beyond exhausted.

"Jake, Nessie," Esme whispered from behind me. I turned around to see her smiling wildly at me, holding two bundles in her arms – one pink, one blue.

She leaned forward and placed the tiny blue bundle in my arms and the tiny pink one in Nessie's. I looked down in amazement, glancing back and forth between the tiny, beautiful faces of my daughter and my son. I breathed deeply, inhaling their scents. Our little girl smelled like peaches and fresh, clean air, and our little boy smelled like sweet bread cooking over a fire. Oddly enough, they both had a common, softer secondary scent that surprised me – vanilla.

"No venom," Nessie whispered, obviously taking in their scents, just like I was. I nodded and smiled in relief. We would have been able to smell it if they had venom running thought their veins instead of blood. Apparently that was one thing we wouldn't have to worry about.

I heard the air stir several times as Nessie's family cleared the room and then we were left alone.

"Oh, Jake," Nessie mumbled quietly, looking back and forth between their faces, just like I was doing. 'They're beautiful."

I nodded in agreement.

"Just like their mother," I mumbled taking in their curly black hair and light toffee coloured skin. I ran my index finger down the side of my son's face and felt his warm, smooth and soft skin underneath it. It was warm, like ours, and the texture felt exactly like Nessie's, but the colour was a bit of a mix between us both.

Nessie chuckled a bit under her breath and shook her head at me.

"I don't think so, Jake," she whispered softly. "He looks exactly like you."

I smiled and shook my head a bit, trying to take it all in. She was right, in a way. He had my nose and chin – dimple and all, and high cheekbones, but his eyes were bigger than mine, and almond shaped, like Nessie's and framed with thick, dark lashes.

"He has your eyes," I whispered softly as I finished taking him in.

I turned my head a bit to have a better look at our little girl, and smiled widely when I did. She was the spitting image of her mother, with black curls instead of bronze.

"She's so much like you," I said and smiled when Nessie seemed surprised and then looked amazed as she looked her over again.

"No," she said quietly after a minute, "she's got your ears," and then chuckled under her breath. I smirked back at her, knowing that she was right, and thinking that it was a good thing that she was a girl and could grow her hair long and cover those things up.

Then, as if they were trying to prove us wrong for saying how much they looked their parents, both of the babies opened their eyes and stared at us sleepily.

Nessie gasped, and I gaped as we stared down into the faces of our two black-haired, toffee coloured angels, with _bright emerald green eyes_.

I remembered Nessie telling me once that Edward's eyes used to be green before he was turned. I knew this kind of thing was hereditary, but it was kind of crazy to see when you considered that it had been a hundred and fifteen some odd years since anyone had seen him that way.

"Are they...?" I whispered and looked to Nessie for confirmation.

"My dad," she whispered back, "when he was human."

Over the next hour we took all the time we could to get to know about the babies. Nessie even took turns feeding them, which I had to admit was easily the most amazing and beautiful thing I'd ever seen. And while she was feeding one of them, I was holding the other, kissing their warm, soft skin, rocking them or talking to them softly. They were a bit like Nessie when she was born, in that they seemed to kind of understand what was going on around them. They looked around calmly, just kind of taking things in. Surprisingly, our little girl seemed like she was a bit more active than our little boy. She looked around with interest, and reached for things that she wanted, like my face, or Nessie's arm while she was feeding her brother. Besides the first time they cried neither of them had done it again, since. Even when they were hungry, they just fussed a bit, and reached out for Nessie, like they knew what was wrong and what they had to do to fix it. It was fucking adorable and amazing to watch, all at the same time.

Exactly one hour later, there was a soft knock on the door. I looked over at Nessie, who was now almost asleep, holding our son to her chest and lying back against the pillows comfortably.

"You up for visitors?" I asked quietly.

"Mmmm, yeah" she mumbled. "If I don't see them now, it'll be hours..."

I nodded in understanding, even though she didn't finish, knowing that she was right and that we'd better get the introductions over with, before she fell asleep. I think we both knew that once she was officially out, it would be a while before she woke up.

"Come in," I said softly, and then carefully shifted as the little girl in my arms stretched a bit.

Within seconds the room was full as Nessie's parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles as well as my sister, Seth, Olivia holding Elijah, Leah, Sam and Emily came in and got settled around the edge of the room. Charlie and Sue stepped in last, and I laughed at Charlie's expression. He looked a little pale. But I guessed that meeting your great grandchildren in your late forties could do that to a guy, so I shrugged it off.

I waited for everyone to get settled before I spoke.

"Well, everyone," I said quietly, "I'd like to introduce you to our son and daughter." I glanced at Nessie, who smiled sleepily and nodded slightly in confirmation, just to make sure we were still going with the names we decided on before they were born.

"Meet William Edward and Sarah Marie Black."

Nessie and I smiled at Edward and Bella's expressions. They were both looking at us with a mixture of pride and disbelief. Neither of them knew that we were planning to pass their names down. Both Nessie and I thought that Edward would like the idea, seeing that he was named after his dad and wouldn't have a son to pass the name to. And we both agreed that Bella would probably be a bit uncomfortable having her name used, but I remembered how much she loved that her middle name came from her grandmother, who had passed away, so we decided to use that instead of Isabella or Bella.

As for their first names... it was Nessie's idea to name them after my parents. I kind of hoped that maybe we'd be able to use them as middle names, but Nessie said she really liked the name Sarah and my dad's full first name – William. I was ten different shades of touched when she practically insisted on it. She said that she'd be honoured to pass down their legacy to the next generation of Blacks. I had no idea what to say to that. I think I just literally choked on my own heart and said thank you before kissing her like my life depended on it – which, admittedly, it did.

Everyone took turns coming over to kiss the babies and say hello. I think Edward was almost as shocked as Nessie and I were to see their eyes. Carlisle said that they were exactly the same rare shade of green as Edward's were before he was turned. Edward just shook his head in wonder before kissing them gently and holding on to Bella's hand with what looked like a bit of a death grip – no pun intended. Bella smiled widely and said something about how she'd dreamed that Nessie would have green eyes before she was born. I just shook my head right along with Edward's and smiled. I was kind of hoping that one or both of our kids would have Nessie's eyes, but I had to admit, the green combined with their warm skin and dark hair was pretty amazing to look at. Besides, I figured that there was nothing to say that our next baby wouldn't have her eyes.

Edward cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at me after picking up on that thought. I smiled and chuckled at myself a bit, but didn't regret thinking about having more kids, even though these two were less than two hours old. From the moment I laid eyes on them, I was hooked. I had a feeling I was going to love being a dad, and I'd probably want to do it a bunch of times, if Nessie wanted to do it with me.

"They're precious," Olivia said as she approached with Seth. I smiled and nodded as she shifted her position a bit to get a closer look at the little girl in my arms.

I startled a bit when I felt Sarah twist and squirm and heard her coo softly, and looked down to see what she was doing. I huffed out a surprised breath when I saw her turning her head in Olivia's direction, and then felt my jaw drop when she reached her tiny little hand out of her blanket in their direction, _toward Elijah._

I heard Seth chuckle and mutter 'oh man' under his breath while my head whipped over to Edward's to see if he could tell me if that little gesture meant what I thought it did – because if it did, we were in big trouble.

I heard Nessie gasp a little under her breath, obviously taking stock of what was going on.

"I'm still not getting anything from either of my grandchildren, Jacob. I can't tell you what that's all about," he said with a wry smile and a shake of his head.

"I might be able to help you there," Jasper said quietly. I looked over at Jasper to find him studying both Sarah and Elijah with a small and amused smile on his face. He was looking back and forth between their faces like he was putting together pieces of a puzzle, and liking what he saw when he did.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Just spit it out, emo-boy," I said impatiently.

He smirked and rolled his eyes a bit at the nickname.

"It's not what you're thinking," he began, and I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd been holding. It wasn't like I had a problem with the thought of either of my kids imprinting on someone – but as a _baby_ it would be really hard to handle. You want to be around that person all the time, and literally need them to be happy, or be happy yourself. It would be kind of impossible to deal with at this stage of the game. So I was really glad that Jasper said that wasn't what was going on.

"She is drawn to him, though," he said quietly. "And he likes her too. Just look at his head," he said, and then gestured toward Elijah who had slowly turned his head in mine and Sarah's direction and was now facing her. Sarah's eyes were open now, and regarding Elijah quietly. She was lying pretty still, which was a change from the last hour or so when she was constantly moving an arm or stretching to look around.

"What's she feeling?" Nessie whispered. I took a deep breath, half curious and half nervous to hear the answer to her question.

Jasper smiled at Nessie and then looked back at Sarah.

"She's happy and calm around him," he said and then shrugged. "That's it. There's something different there, and it's pretty powerful, but not complicated."

He turned toward Olivia and Seth. Seth was smiling, even he did look a little stunned and Olivia was watching the two babies with a serious expression on her face. I wondered if she was upset or freaked out at all by what was going on. I couldn't tell by her expression.

"He's a pretty calm little guy in general, isn't he?" Jasper asked. Olivia and Seth nodded in reply. I remembered Olivia commenting about what a good baby he is when they were visiting earlier. This must be what they meant by that.

"Well, I guess that might explain why he's feeling the opposite around her. He's happy too, but more excited than calm." And then as if to prove Jasper's point, Elijah squirmed and cooed a bit in Sarah's direction.

I looked up at Seth and Olivia again and saw them smiling softly at each other.

"Well," I said, glancing down at Sarah and then over at over at our sleeping baby boy, before looking at Nessie. I held her gaze as she smiled the same soft smile at me as Olivia was smiling at Seth, and returned it before I continued, "It looks like life just got a lot more interesting around here."

Nessie smile deepened as she nodded and I leaned in to kiss her warm, soft lips over the two beautiful children we held between us. I felt her unoccupied hand reach up and palm my cheek as we kissed and saw a picture of the four of us, Nessie, me and our two children huddled together on the bed. We weren't in a crowded room full of people, though. We were all alone, just our little family of four, surrounded by a deep reddish purple, her colours for love and family. I smiled against her mouth and nodded in agreement.

_Thank you, Ness, _I thought and she hummed a soft 'you're welcome' into my mouth_._

_I love you so much, baby. _

I thought about the image still floating brightly in my mind's eye, and the weight of my wife and children in my arms.

_This is everything to me. _

_Everything._

**Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.**

**It's been an awesome journey. This was the last chapter. Just the epi to go. **

**I haven't asked before this point, but please take the time to review. I'd love to know what you think, now that we're at the end.**

**Thank you.**

**~Hitchy**


	58. Epilogue Part 1

**Chapter 58 – Epilogue Part One**

**Sarah Marie Black POV**

I picked up the smoothest rock I could find near my flip-flop clad feet and turned towards the water. I rolled my shoulders to work out some of the thick tension gathered there, wound my arm back and then swung forward, flicking my wrist and releasing the stone. I watched it skip nearly twenty times before it sunk into the water and then frowned. I'd just bested my own record but it didn't help make me feel better in the slightest.

I huffed out a frustrated breath and flopped down to sit on the sand, wrapping my arms around my bare legs.

_Stupid mixed DNA, _I thought blackly._ I have a bit of supernatural strength, stronger skin that heals almost as fast as I can get injured, and so much more... and where did it all get me? _

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth against my growing frustration and leaned my head down against my knees, letting my long, black curls fall around me and cover my face. I usually wore it up, but hadn't bothered playing with it today. I hadn't bothered with much of anything actually. I just found my favourite jean cut offs and the closest clean white t-shirt, tossed on my flip-flops and headed for the beach. I didn't even eat breakfast. I just wanted to get out of the house before _he_ got there to hang out with my brother for the day.

I felt the tears that I'd been holding back all week well up in my eyes. I had worked hard all day and all night for days on end to keep them at bay. I knew that my twin brother Will and my parents – or at least my dad – wanted to talk with me about what happened at the party last week, but I was too humiliated to deal with it. I didn't want to talk about it with any of them before I had a chance to figure it out myself. That's why I'd made my way over to the beach first thing this morning. I'd been there for nearly an hour, trying to sort out what I was feeling, and why I was feeling it, and then what to do about it. The first two didn't take long to figure out. As much as I hated having to admit it, I knew that I was jealous. And I knew _why _I felt that way. But I still hadn't figured out what to do. My natural reaction to things didn't help _at all_. It was the one thing that made me feel confused and unsure of myself and everything that was going on.

I just felt so – unprepared for what happened that night. The last thing I expected to happen at Elijah's sixteenth birthday bonfire on the sand, not twenty feet from where I was currently sitting, was what Jenna did and what happened afterward. Even more shocking was Elijah's reaction to it.

As the first of my tears fell and trickled in tiny, hot streams down my legs, I thought about exactly what had happened, and how I'd reacted – trying to make sense of it all.

"_Hey Sarah, can you grab the last few gifts for me?" Will asked as he walked over to where Elijah was sitting on a piece of driftwood, surrounded by the rest of our friends near the fire._

"_Yeah, sure," I replied and bent down to pick up the last few gift bags, including the one containing the voice commanded stereo system I'd gotten for Elijah's car. Will, Elijah and I had spent the better part of every weekend for the last six months working on it in my dad's garage. My dad was an architect by trade, but loved to tinker with vehicles, so we had a lot of great tools and all the right equipment for a restore like Elijah's at our place. He really had his heart set on having all original parts in the car, but I knew the quality of the sound system wouldn't be good enough for him, so I was pretty sure that he'd love the little upgrade I'd gotten him. _

_I'd turned around and was just heading back __toward where __everyone had gathered around Elijah to watch him open his gifts, when I saw Jenna saunter over to where he was sitting and approach him from behind. She wobbled a bit in the sand in her heels. I chuckled under my breath. She was always overdressed. She wore short skirts and tight tops everywhere. Since she'd turned seventeen last year and become a senior at school, she'd also taken to _under_-dressing at almost every available opportunity to get the attention of all of the boys at school. I was glad that __the__ school year was over and that in a few weeks she'd be starting a few classes at UW a few days a week. We'd never gotten along, and her cocky, flirty, over the top personality was something I could live without on a daily basis at school. She was so much like my Uncle Paul, it was scary._

"_Well," Jenna said as she bent down a bit so that she could speak almost right in Elijah's ear. I plopped the presents down in the sand beside her and Elijah and lightly bopped Andrew, Sam and Emily's thirteen year old son, in the head when I caught him eyeing the back of Jenna's skirt as it rode up while she bent over._

"_Ow, shit," he mumbled, so I bopped him lightly again for swearing and then raised my eyebrows at him when he started to protest._

"_Sorry," he mumbled as he ducked his head and turned his attention back to the fire, instead of at Jenna's long bare legs or barely covered rear end._

_I shook my head and smirked as I turned back toward Elijah and his presents and then froze at the sight before me. Jenna's head was on the opposite side of Elijah's face from where I was standing. I heard Jenna mumbling something about not being able to gift wrap her present for him, and then several surprised gasps as she leaned over with a coy smile on her face and _kissed _him full on the lips._

_After a second or two, I heard a couple of the guys mutter 'whoa' and 'nice' under their breath, while a couple of the girls giggled. And then I felt a warm touch on my left arm. I was still frozen, staring at my slutty cousin while she kissed Elijah, _my Elijah_, in front of all of our cousins and friends._

"_Sarah," I heard Will whisper as he tried to get my attention. _

_It was at that second that Jenna decided to pull away. I expected her to say something to Elijah or for him to say something to her, but none of that happened. Instead, Elijah sat there, frozen just like I was, facing Jenna. And Jenna... Jenna let her eyes slither over to mine and fucking smirked like the cat that swallowed the canary, before licking her lips, pulling herself up to her full height and adjusting her short black skirt._

_At that point I had no idea what was going on around me, aside from the fact that my blood literally felt like it was boiling in my veins. I felt it bubbling around under the surface. My hands shook and closed into tight fists at my sides. And my eyes... my eyes were on fire. I felt like they were hot enough to burn holes through her skin if I'd wanted to. _

Stupid fucking mind reading, _I cursed internally at my own gift. _Why couldn't I have been born with the power to incinerate people with my eyes instead? _No, Will and I just had the privilege of being able to read other people's thoughts with the touch of our hands if we wanted to. We could also block others from reading our own minds, like our Nana Bella could, but that wasn't really helping things at the moment. I actually wished my slut of a cousin could read my thoughts so she'd know exactly how pissed I was._

"_Sarah, calm the fuck down," Will whispered and locked an arm onto my wrist. I ripped my hand away from him quickly before turning to face my brother who was watching me with wide, bright green, cautious eyes._

_I didn't take time to call him out for trying to read my thoughts. When I turned to face him I realized that over half of the other guests at the party were staring at me, trying to gauge my reaction to what Jenna did. Elijah and I weren't dating – not in the traditional sense of the word anyway. But we'd always been close. We were best friends. I was as close with him as I was with my own brother. And lately... well, lately we'd started hanging out on our own more, without Will for a change, and there was this _connection_ that was building between us. It was kind of warm and hummed through my skin and in my veins whenever he was around, or at least that's how _I'd _felt. We'd even held hands a couple of times... and I'd kind of hoped that things might be changing for us. I liked Elijah in a bit of a different way than I had before. And I thought that he liked me as something more or different, too._

_Except that Jenna had just kissed him. And he didn't stop her. And he _knew_ that I was standing right behind him when it happened._

_I suddenly hated Jenna. I'd never liked her, but it was so much deeper than that now. She'd done that on purpose, to get to me and it worked. But... even worse than that - I was full of so many conflicting emotions over my best friend that I was literally vibrating on the spot trying to sort them all out._

_Jealousy warred with hurt, confusion warred with frustration... I couldn't make sense of them and I couldn't make them stop._

_So, without a word, I turned on my sneaker-clad heel, and ran. I bolted for the trees and felt grateful for the jeans and comfortable shirt I'd worn to the party. I'd dressed them up with jewellery and a nice belt, like my great Aunt Alice taught me to, but I was comfortable enough to be able to run at full speed, which was pretty fast. I could almost keep up with my mother when I really worked to gain speed. _

_I ran straight for home, bolting around trees and leaping over fallen trunks until I heard the steady and heavy footfall of someone following closely behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around, expecting to see my brother's tall and wiry form behind me, but got a surprise instead._

"_Dad?" I said in a tight and shaky voice and then frowned when I saw him stop a few feet away from me, eyeing me with concern. "What are you doing here?"_

_I was bit confused as to why he was there, but more because he hadn't been at the party to see what happened, not because I wouldn't expect him to want to talk to me about it. My dad and I were really close, closer even than my mom and I. We had very similar personalities, so he'd always been the one I could talk to when I had a problem. I was laid back and cheerful most of the time, even if I did have a lot of energy. Will was more like my mom. He was calmer, a bit more emotional, and musical._

"_Will called and told me what happened. He said you were pretty mad and ran away from him when he tried to talk with you. He thought maybe I could help," he said quietly and then shrugged. I grimaced and closed my eyes, trying really hard not to think about what had just happened at the party on the beach._

"_Look, I get it if you don't want to talk with your dad about this, Sarah," my dad said quietly. _

_I frowned and looked at the ground beneath my feet, feeling even more angry and frustrated than before. My blood was still hot, my hands were still shaking and I thought my eyes would melt right out of my head if they burned any longer than they already had. It was actually kind of painful. Then, to top it all off, the few people I would normally talk to – Will, my dad, Elijah – were all either boys or men who probably didn't want to hear about my crush on my best friend and how he hurt me by kissing Jenna at the party on the beach, or they were the person causing the problem._

"_Rrrrrrrrrrr," I heard myself growl under my breath and then stopped when I heard my dad's sharp intake of breath. I felt my anger building and my frustration hit an all time high when I couldn't fight it back. I'd never growled before. I'd never been this mad before. I was so mad, and hurt, and jealous, that it seemed to literally take over my mind and body._

"_Sarah," my dad whispered softly, "calm down, kiddo."_

"_I. Can't." I told him honestly and continued to try and fight the torrent of heat and anger building and pushing through my veins. The use of his tomboyish childhood __nickname__ for me was not helping the situation. The last thing I needed any reminders of __was__ how young or boyish I was at that moment._

"_Try harder, Sarah," my dad said. This time his voice was laced with authority and concern. I knew that voice. He wasn't asking me to try and calm down – he was telling me to. _

_I growled again, loudly this time, and felt my entire body shudder from head to toe as I grit my teeth and tried to swallow back my anger. But the growing fear inside of me told me that I knew exactly what was going on with my body and made it really difficult to do anything but let it get worse._

"_Sarah?" I heard my __brother's voice question__ before watching him through my burning and now blurry eyes as he came through the trees and walked up behind my dad. I was having trouble seeing clearly, but there was no mistaking the shock and fear on my brother's face when he looked at me. I hung my head and tried hard to get myself under control, but nothing was working. Nothing. I just couldn't... couldn't..._

"_Ah!" I half-yelped, half-grunted as the boiling pain in my veins began to skyrocket and literally felt like it was burning me from the inside out._

"_Sarah!" Will yelled and leapt forward toward me._

"_Don't, Will," my dad announced loudly and clamped a hand down on his shoulder to hold him back. I could see him struggling against my dad's hold and heard my dad yell at him this time to stop before he got hurt._

_Just then, there was another rustling in the trees where my brother had come from. I strained through my blurry vision trying hard to see who was approaching, but I wasn't able to. My eyes were getting worse by the second. _

"_Oh crap," I mumbled under my breath as the burning in me seemed to reach a peak and had me feeling like I was about to melt on the spot. I was shaking... so hard. And I was burning... and... hurting..._

"_Nobody move," I heard my dad announce loudly as more footsteps began to close in on us in the woods. _

"_Dad," I croaked out miserably. My entire body was screaming in anger and pain and I had absolutely no idea how to make it stop. I was starting to clam up. I felt my shoulders rise and my fingers curl in. Every muscle in my body was beginning to tense._

"_Sarah," my dad said calmly, "don't fight it. Just let it happen."_

_His words echoed around in my mind, making me feel even more frustrated and angry than I was before. So, I was supposed to 'let this happen'. I wasn't stupid. I knew what he was talking about, but I had no idea how to let go and make the change work._

_I heard several new voices gasp and then I growled again in my frustration at having an audience for this._

_As it turned out what happened next made my worrying about making the change happen unnecessary. I didn't have to figure out how to make it work for me after all._

"_Sar," I heard Elijah breathe from my left and then froze, going rigid from head to toe, with the exception of my still shaking fists._

No. Go away, Elijah, please, _my thoughts begged pathetically. I didn't want him around to see this._

_It was bad enough that this was happening with an audience, but having Elijah there to witness me struggling was not helping. And then he had to go and __use his nickname for me__, the shortened version of my name that was reserved only for him. No one else got to call me that – not even my brother._

"_Elijah, back off," I heard my brother rumble at him, "she doesn't need you around here right now."_

"_Will, I just want to help her," Elijah said quietly._

"_She doesn't _need_ your help right now," Will retorted angrily._

"_Shut up, both of you," my dad said loudly. His voice was heavily laden with the alpha authority that didn't control my brother or Elijah directly, but neither of them would dare ignore._

_That was the moment that a particularly nasal and smug sounding female voice floated out into the air from behind where my brother, my dad and my best friend were standing._

"_Yeah, really, you two. I don't know what you're so worried about, Eli. Just let the freak do her thing."_

_Jenna._

_That _bitch_._

_If I hadn't liked her before, it was pretty safe to say that at that moment I officially hated her. She'd always sided with her dad, choosing to believe that Will and I, and my other three brothers were different – and not in a good way. Uncle Paul didn't let his kids hang out with us very often. He'd never come out and said why, not in front of us at least, but the uncertainty and prejudice in his eyes when he looked at us at times always gave him away._

_He thought we were freaks._

_And so did Jenna._

_She called me a freak - in front of everyone. Even in front of Elijah. _

_Worst of all – she called him _Eli_. And again... he let her. He didn't let anyone call him that, ever._

_That was it for me. It was the last straw._

_My entire body tightened painfully. Muscles constricted, my jaw locked and my eyes slammed shut again of their own accord. For a moment in time, I was nothing but a burning, pain filled statue of myself._

_Then the cool came. I felt it start at the base of my spine and work its way up and outward, rushing through me as quickly as the burning pain and anger had before. It washed and bathed every bone and muscle in body in a flash, leaving my blissfully cool and pain free. I heard and felt nothing else but the sweet, calm freshness of the cold washing over me. It was so refreshing that I surrendered to it and actually breathed a sigh of relief when it finally settled and cooled in the last place that my body was burning – my eyes._

_I smiled a bit to myself as I heard the shocked gasps of the people standing around me. I hadn't felt the tearing, ripping sensations of making the change from human to wolf. I knew without a doubt that I was still walking on two legs instead of four. There was no ripping of clothing and, best of all, no pack mind. I was still me. I was sure of it. I'd beaten the anger and avoided the change. My smile widened with pride at the realization that I'd done what none of the others had managed to do when they'd reached their boiling point before their initial phase. I cooled down._

_That was when I opened my eyes._

_My smile fell when I saw the look of utter shock on the faces around me. I glanced around and suddenly realized that I was seeing things with a renewed clarity that I hadn't before. I could see every fibre of the fabric in my brother's shirt, every strand of my father's thick, black hair and the different shades of tan and red that the skin on his hand was turning as he gripped his cell phone to his ear tightly and spoke to my mother in hushed tones. If I tried hard enough I could probably make out what he was saying, but I was too overwhelmed with trying to take everything in. _

_I inhaled and was assaulted by a barrage of scents. There was the strong earthy and musty smell of the wet moss and dirt at our feet, the sharp smell of cedar bark and in the distance the scents of the party, the bonfire and the ocean. Worst of all, though, there was a strong, bitter and tangy scent filling the air around me that I couldn't quite identify. Half of my instincts told me to be wary of that scent – the other half told me that I loved it._

_I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. Something _had _changed._

_With more than a little hesitance, I slowly glanced downwards toward my body and found myself involuntarily hissing in shock at what I saw._

_The skin on my exposed hands and arms was alabaster white. I flexed the muscles in my hand as I opened my fist. The skin looked and felt harder over my muscles and bones as I stretched my fingers outward._

"_Oh my God," I whispered to myself._

_This could not be happening. I'd changed. I'd _phased_... but not into a wolf. _

_I was a vampire. _

"Sarah?" I heard my Aunt Leah say quietly as she approached where I was sitting in the sand. She wasn't my aunt by blood, but that's what we'd always called her. She was around more often than any of our other Aunts and Uncles, and treated us like family, so it made sense. I sniffed back my tears and nodded to her in acknowledgement.

She sighed and sat down beside me in the sand.

"Talk to me kid," she said quietly.

I swallowed hard and forced back the lump of emotion in my throat before clearing it lightly.

"What do you want me to say, Aunt Leah?"

She drew in a deep breath and huffed out a gust of air shortly afterward.

"Anything you want to, Sarah. I know this is hard. I've been through it before, but I had to do it with no help. I know why it might be hard for you to talk to your dad or your brother about this, but you know you can always talk to your mom, or to me, right?" She was a bit tentative and hesitant as she spoke, which genuinely surprised me. Of all the things that had changed over the years with my Aunt Leah, her sass and generally abrasive temperament weren't among them.

I raised my head and turned to look at her. She was smiling at me sympathetically.

"How could you possibly know what this is like, Aunt Leah?" I asked quietly. "You phased, but you did it the _right_ way. You turned into a wolf just like everyone else. _I'm_ the only one that's turned into something that most of the people in the tribe hate."

She closed her eyes tightly and grimaced, before opening them and looking at me with determination.

"No one hates you. You've done nothing wrong, Sarah. I don't want to hear you talking like that," she said fervently.

I sighed and nodded reluctantly. She could voice her opinion, but that didn't make it true. The others who were there to witness my change were all afraid of me; every single one of them. I could see it in their eyes. I could feel it in the air. Worst of all – I could smell it in their _blood_.

"It was still hard, you know," Aunt Leah said quietly. "I was the only girl in the pack. No one understood how or why I had phased. No one thought it was possible. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me, too. It took me a long time to get over that. I spent a lot of years feeling bitter over things I shouldn't have. It wasn't until I met Luke that things started to change for me."

I nodded again. Will and I had both heard what happened two years after we were born when my Aunt Leah went with her cousin Emily to visit some friends in the Makah tribe on their reservation – and she met Luke. She'd imprinted, and as luck would have it, eventually so did he. The long and short of the story was that after they'd know each other for a while, and Luke was as in love with her as she was with him, they discovered that Luke was actually Sam Uley's half-brother. Sam's father was known for his flings with various women in several tribes over the years, and as it turned out, he'd had a short affair with Luke's mom. Luke had never known who his father was until he started to hang around La Push, and my family a bit. One thing led to another one day, and over a fight with Sam about something that no one to this day talks about, Luke phased. He was adopted into my dad's pack. Uncle Luke and Sam hadn't gotten along well since the day of the fight, and Leah was still my dad's second in command at the time, so it made the most sense for Luke to join my dad.

Since then everything had gotten really good for Aunt Leah. It turns out that Luke had the same reaction to her that she had to him. They were now married, and my aunt had finally stopped phasing long enough to get pregnant. She was due in late January.

Of course all of that was wonderful, for her. However, the way I saw it, it had very little to do with me. She wasn't the one who had gone home to look at her own reflection and seen her skin as white as snow and eyes a bright, glowing red. _I_ had. It was such a shock to see. I was still me at five foot six, with a figure and face nearly identical to my mom's and my shiny, shoulder length raven coloured curls. But I was so different. My skin was colder, smoother and I was as pale as my maternal grandparents. My teeth were sharper and my eyes... my eyes were like something from a horror movie. It was no small wonder that everyone besides my father and brother were afraid of just the sight of me. I looked like a monster. My one saving grace was that we had discovered that even though I'd adopted all of the other physical characteristics of a vampire, I was not venomous.

But the rest... everything else... was all just wrong. Everything was wrong - absolutely everything.

What I'd become when I'd phased was actually not the worst part of that night. If that had been it, I think I would have been able to deal with it. I would have been confused and maybe a bit surprised, but I would have gotten used to it.

But _Elijah_... oh God, Elijah...

Without warning I broke into a fresh round of tears and quickly ducked my head back onto my lap. I didn't like letting people see me cry. I wasn't _that _girl. I was no damsel in distress. I was the chick who hung around the garage, fixing cars with her brother and her dad... and her best friend. I was a happy and upbeat person. I wasn't a whiner and I wasn't a crier.

But with everything that happened I was suddenly really overwhelmed. And there was only two ways for me to deal with it. I could phase again – or I could cry. I chose the crying over phasing, since that was what seemed to ruin everything for me in one fell swoop exactly one week ago today.

"Oh, Sarah," Aunt Leah said quietly and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Come on. _Talk to me_."

I growled in frustration through my tears and spat out the first words that sprung onto the tip of my tongue without thinking. I was just feeling the hurt and the pain and the anger... and I let it all out.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how much of a _jerk_ I think your nephew is being right now? Do you want me to say that I understand? That I'm _fine_? Well I can't, okay? He _is_ being a jerk, I _don't_ understand and I am _not_ fine!" I yelled into my knees and then curled up even tighter on myself, literally wanting to squeeze myself into a small ball and roll away, out of sight, and away from the mess my life had been turned into last week.

Everything was wrong.

I had phased. I'd somehow inherited my father's ability to shape shift, and in combination with my mother's half vampire DNA I'd ended up shifting into a vampire instead of a wolf. I'd turned into the only vampire among a couple of packs of wolves and worst of all – I'd _imprinted_. I took one look into the large dark eyes in Elijah's pale and shocked face and everything changed. I was already starting to fall for him before that, but after that moment my heart was completely his. And in the next second... he squashed it – and then walked away.

_He walked away from me_. _He said nothing_. He _knew_ what was happening, and my best friend in the entire world, someone I'd known and loved since the day I was born, turned around without a word and walked away just seconds after I had been bonded to him for life.

I was going to turn sixteen in a couple of weeks and my life as I knew it was over.

I was Sarah Marie Black – vampire shape shifter living amongst the wolves and the only person in recorded tribe history to ever have been rejected by their tribe and their imprint. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

**So, that was Epilogue Part One. The second part of the Epi is with my beta right now and should be on it's way shortly. It will be split between Will's and Elijah's POV's. I can't believe this is almost done! **

**In other news, Jake from Wicked Games has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for Best Jacob! If you loved Jake and you'd like to show your love with a vote, please go here to do so (remove spaces from address): **

**http : / / thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com / p / voting . html**

**Thanks to everyone who has read with me to this point so far. It's been a wild journey, but I've enjoyed every minute of it! **

**I'd love to know what you think of Sarah. **

**Until Epilogue Part 2...**

**~Hitchy**


	59. Epilogue Part 2

**Well, hello everyone. **

**This is it. **

_**Side note before we start**_**: Fanfiction is experiencing problems and authors can't respond to reviews because of it. Please know that I receive, read and each and every one of them. I promise to respond to everyone once the problem is fixed.**

**More from me at the bottom. **

**I hope it was worth the wait.**

**~Hitchy**

* * *

**Epilogue Part Two**

But it was not your fault but mine  
And it was your heart on the line  
I really fucked it up this time  
Didn't I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine  
And it was your heart on the line  
I really fucked it up this time  
Didn't I, my dear?  
Didn't I, my dear?

_[__Little Lion Man ~ Mumford & Sons_

**William Edward Black POV**

"Will, can you toss me the torque wrench?"

I wiped my greasy hands off on the nearest rag and picked up the wrench. My dad didn't bother looking up when I hurled itin his direction. His hand reached out at just the right time to catch it before it ended up whizzing by his shoulder. I smirked and shook my head at him.

"One of these days you're going to miss it," I mumbled under my breath with a sly smile.

My dad scoffed and smirked right back, keeping his eyes trained on the tire he was changing on my mom's car.

"Doubt it. You're getting stronger, but you'd have to be a lot better than that to get by me."

I heard my sister's sinister chuckle from a couple of feet behind me just a split second before another object flew across the garage. It cut through the air by my left ear so quickly that I didn't see anything but a silver blur in my peripheral vision as it passed. The distinct whooshing sound of metal slicing through the air at high speeds followed directly after whatever she threw.

My dad did look up this time and flicked his arm out to grab the object just before it hit the wall behind him. The loud and distinct sound of something hard slapping into flesh rang through the otherwise silent air as a piece of metal crashed into his palm – followed by another, louder crack as the impact broke a bone.

My dad growled loudly and dropped the tool on the floor. The thick monkey wrench clattered loudly on the cement as everything else in the garage fell silent.

"Sarah!" my dad exclaimed angrily at my sister's smug face.

"Sorry, dad," she mumbled somewhat apologetically, although the look on her face was anything but. I could hardly believe my eyes looking at her. She actually had the balls to look triumphant after pulling a stunt like that.

"Holy shit," our younger brother, Jacob Jr., whispered under his breath. His brown eyes were wide like saucers and his jaw was hanging open in disbelief over the fact that our sister had just broken a bone in our dad's hand, and didn't seem to care. Whether it was going to be healed in a few minutes or not was not important. What was important was the fact that she messed with dad like that.

_No one, and I mean _no one,_ messes with our dad like that. _

My dad glared at Jacob Jr., or J.J. as we liked to call our thirteen year old brother. Without a word J.J. turned on his heel and high-tailed it out of the garage, heading back towards the house. I didn't blame him. My dad was _not_ someone you wanted to be around when he was upset. It didn't happen often, but when it did...

_Fuck. What the hell is Sarah _thinking_?_

I grimaced at the floor and shook my head incredulously. The last year had been… _rough _on my family, to say the least. Ever since the day that my sister first phased and was unfortunate enough to imprint on our once best friend, Elijah Clearwater, life in the Black household had been practically turned upside down. The first couple of weeks were the easiest. My sister was understandably upset at being turned away by Elijah without an explanation. To be honest, we were all kind of baffled by it. My parents even said that Elijah's parents were no help explaining what he was thinking and why he wouldn't even talk to my sister to explain why he'd basically rejected her without a word. She spent a lot of time alone, or talking with my mom and our Aunt Leah, which was rare for her. Up until that point my dad and I or Elijah had been the ones she would talk to and confide in when things got tough. But I sort of guessed that she needed girls to talk to, so I wasn't really offended that she was shutting me out. She said she needed time to think. I got that, and left her to it for a while. After a week or so I approached her again and she turned me away, telling me not to bother because I wouldn't understand.

I was actually kind of hurt by the fact that she didn't even want to talk with me about it. I mean, I knew that I was a guy and that this could kind of be considered 'girl stuff', and at the time Elijah and I were still friends, but I still thought I could help. Even if it was just to have someone to yell at or bounce some ideas off of for a little while. Sarah, Elijah and I had spent almost every day together since the day we were born. I knew their relationship with each other almost as well as I knew my own relationship with my sister. I guess that all changed after she imprinted, though. She was right about that part – I didn't get it. Not then and not now either.

For the first time in our lives my sister had reached a major milestone without me. And for once - I couldn't relate. I hadn't phased and I hadn't imprinted. I wasn't sure if I really even wanted to anymore. If things went well, and the person you were 'meant for' wanted you back, then everything was great. Between my parents, Elijah's parents, our Aunt Rachel and Uncle Paul, Jared and Kim, and now even Quil and Claire, who were due to have their first kid any day now, everyone could see that imprinting could be an amazing thing. But if things didn't go well... chances are I'd end up like Sarah – or at least like she'd been since Elijah made it known that he was officially dating our cousin Jenna. And that wasn't something I was interested in being – ever.

My dad glared at the floor, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm down. I could see his jaw working with frustration and wondered how he was managing to keep from losing it with her. I loved my sister, but lately she'd been pushing every boundary she'd ever been given, and then some. At this point I actually wouldn't have blamed my dad for letting her have it. She was going through a really rough time but she had to stop taking her frustrations out on other people. She was pushing on everyone's last nerve. Her friends barely talked to her anymore; she didn't want anything to do with talking to me, even if Elijah and I weren't friends, and now she was pushing my dad away too.

"I know what you're going through is rough, Sarah," my dad ground out in a low and gravelly voice, "but you need to _get it together_. This has gone on long enough."

'Long enough' was an understatement. It had been almost an entire year since she started shutting everyone out, and it was only getting worse with time.

"Clean this up. Now," my dad growled out. He took another deep breath before his eyes drifted up slowly from the floor. His normally dark brown irises were pitch black and blazing. If I were Sarah at that moment, I'd have felt lucky not to have a hole burned straight through my skull.

He stalked forward and brushed past me lightly before approaching my sister. I turned my head a bit to watch as he glared down at her. I could tell by the expression on his face that he was angry but from the back, seeing the way his shoulders slumped forward, I could also tell that he was upset. He and my sister were really close, and this was hurting him more than he would admit in front of us. I was willing to bet that she didn't realize how big a wedge she was driving between them. Dad paused for a bit and I held my breath as he did.

_Apologize, Sarah,_ I thought fervently. _Say you're sorry and mean it this time._

He waited a full ten seconds after my sister tilted her head up and stared back at him. Her shoulders were lowered and held back. Her jaw was set, her expression was still somewhat smug and her hard green eyes didn't waiver into a blink once. If it weren't for the rapid rise and fall of her chest with each breath I would never have guessed that she felt anything but proud. Only those shallow, rapid, angry breaths let on to her other emotions. If it were anyone else I would have been surprised to see their pride when facing that kind of anger. With her, it was just becoming second nature. Sarah seemed to live to anger and disappoint people lately.

My dad gave in first. He lowered his gaze to the floor, shook his head slightly and walked away without looking back.

Sarah didn't move a muscle as he left except to close her eyes. I waited until I saw him open the back door with his uninjured hand and let himself into the house before I spoke.

"What the _hell_ was that, Sarah?"

She scoffed and turned to glare at me.

"What? Are you jealous that I can throw better than you?" she asked in a snide tone of voice.

I recoiled in disappointment and disgust. She didn't seem to care at all about hurting dad and that pissed me off something fierce. Whether she knew it or not, my dad had been her biggest champion and supporter behind the scenes for the last year. She owed him a lot better than what she was doing to him.

"You've got a lot of nerve you know," I ground out under my breath. I was seething. She was pushing us all over the edge. I could handle her moodiness and generally bitchy attitude, but she had no right to hurt her family over this. Not my dad, not me, not any of us.

"Oh shut the hell up, Will. You're just having a hard time accepting that I might actually be better than you at something." She bent over and picked up a socket that had fallen to the floor, then stood up to face me. Her expression still hadn't changed. I had half a mind to wipe the smugness off of her face with my fist but she was girl and she was my sister. I would never hit her, even though this time I _really_ felt she deserved it.

"You _broke_ his fucking hand, Sarah!" I bellowed. "This isn't about some sort of pissing contest between twins. You really hurt Dad! And then you didn't even apologize! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I watched as my sister's face settled into a stone mask of indifference. She had perfected that particular look over the course of this year. She adopted it every time she felt pain of any kind. She'd done it so often that I could tell it was now almost second nature to her. She needed it around town and around school because running into Elijah or crossing paths with Jenna was tough for her. She never let her pain show. She just hid it by pretending that she didn't care, just like she was doing now.

I waited, watching her, hoping she'd snap out of it and talk to me or tell me something that would make all of this make sense. I should have known it was a waste of my time. Minutes passed. She didn't waiver. She stood there and stared at me like I was stranger.

Suddenly the back door of the house slid open and caught my attention. I cursed lightly under my breath as I saw our mom slowly making her way across the yard. She was heading straight for the garage, eyes on Sarah the entire time. It took her a minute or two to get there because she was a just few weeks away from giving birth to our fourth brother. She looked tired, like she always was at the end of her pregnancies. She didn't get up and around much near the very end of them. So it was a big deal for her to be making her way out to the garage. Sarah had her back to her, but I knew she heard her coming when she closed her eyes and sighed.

"Now you've done it," I whispered angrily. "Mom's going to have your ass for what you did to dad. Then dad's going to hand it back to you for getting mom so riled up."

"Will," my mom said quietly, but sternly when she stopped a foot or so behind my sister, "clean this place up and then head inside to help your father."

I nodded and picked up the greasy rag I'd tossed on the bench, before turning my back to them to finish cleaning up.

My mother didn't say a word – which wasn't a good sign. I held my breath as I leaned down to tighten up the last bolt on the tire my dad replaced because I heard fabric shifting and I knew what my mom was about to try and do. We'd both tried, _countless_ times to get access to Sarah's hands, to her thoughts, over the last year. She never once shared them with any of us.

"Don't mom," my sister whispered tersely and then shifted away, out of her reach.

"_Enough_, Sarah." I shivered a bit at the steel in my mom's tone of voice. Her warm, accepting, sweet voice had gone hard and authoritative.

_Oh shit. That does _not_ sound good. _

I chanced a glance around the bumper of the car and saw my sister with her back still towards my mom. She was slowly inching forward as my mom approached her from behind, hand out, reaching for the bare skin on my sister's arm. Every other time my sister had refused to talk or show us what she was thinking we relented and let her have her space. It didn't look like that was going to happen this time.

I was just about to slide back to my position on the floor behind the car when my mom caught my eye and nodded slightly toward my sister. I took a deep breath and swallowed thickly when I realized what she was trying to tell me. She wanted me to help her.

I nodded in her direction as she kept advancing on my sister from behind, forcing Sarah to keep getting closer to where I was kneeling.

"Mom," my sister's voice was growing angry and even a little desperate, "_please_ don't." I could see the mask on her face start to slip. Her hands curled into fists with her next steps forward. They began shaking the step after that.

I glanced up at my mom. They were only about two feet away from me. Another ten seconds or so would put Sarah within arm's reach for me… but if things kept escalating like this, she was going to phase. I didn't know if my mom wanted to risk pushing her that far. But apparently, she did. She responded to my questioning glance with another barely perceptible nod.

My sister didn't have a violent or dangerous change from one form to another, so I could touch her while she was doing it. The greatest risk would be whether or not she turned on one of us once she did. She was stronger than both my mom and I in her vampire form. I didn't care so much about her hurting me, I'd heal pretty quickly, but there was _no way_ I was letting her get near my mom and the baby like that. If there was one thing my dad taught me it was how to respect and protect a lady and I planned on doing just that.

I motioned to my mom to move the left a bit, so I could position myself between her and Sarah. With any luck I'd be able to keep myself wedged between them with Sarah in my grasp while my mom got what she needed from her. My mom nodded once and then quickly shifted at the same time that I did.

Within less than a second I was standing between my mom and my sister as my mom locked her hand over Sarah's bare forearm, and I held her tightly by her shoulders. What happened next shocked me to the point that my mouth gaped open, huffing out a surprised breath.

Sarah's hands stopped shaking but she didn't phase. Her head dropped forward between us like a lead weight causing her dark curls, longer and almost as unruly as mine, to slide forward and cover her face. There was silence for a brief moment. It wasn't comfortable. It was the kind that came in the calm before the storm. A brief second later, the two most important women in my life were leaning their heads against my shoulders, crying. My mother's tears were silent, but I could feel the warmth of them soaking my shirt. My sister's tears were not. She was crying giant, earth shattering sobs.

She finally gave in. And it was bad – worse than I ever thought it could be. My stomach flipped a bit and I started freaking out on the inside. Despite everything that had gone on over the past year, I _loved _my sister. We'd shared practically everything since the day we were born – including our pain. The entire past year she'd been shutting me out and I'd been begging her to let me in. But now that she had, I wasn't sure that I could handle it. Seeing her in any kind of pain was rare and it always affected more than it did with other people. Maybe that was because we're twins – I wasn't sure. But this... watching her fall apart like that in front of me, wasn't something I'd anticipated.

_Shit. What do I do? She doesn't cry in front of people. Sarah _never _lets anyone see her cry._

It wasn't more than a couple of seconds after that that I felt my mother moving away from me. I took a deep, shaky breath and turned around to see my dad pulling her into his arms. I hadn't even noticed him making his way back out to the garage. He glanced at me over her shoulder as he did and then nodded toward my sister. I shook my head slightly to clear it a bit and then took my cue from my dad, wrapping an arm around my sister, pulling her in for a rare hug. She tensed a bit at first, obviously uncomfortable with the gesture, but to be honest, I didn't really want her to pull away. I wanted to help her – she just needed to let me.

"Let me help you, Sarah," I whispered shakily, but froze with my arm halfway around her shoulder, waiting for her response. I wouldn't force her. If she really wanted me to let her go, I would. My other hand found its way up to my hair, nervously tucking my chin length black curls behind my ear while I waited.

It took her a few seconds to decide, but once she did, she relaxed and leaned in, going almost limp, so that I was supporting most of her weight. I didn't say anything in response, just sighed down my nose and held on tightly, hoping she could feel my support and know that I was there for her.

An hour later we were back inside the house. My mom and Sarah were both resting in their rooms. Sarah cried almost the whole time we were out there. She didn't say a word to me, but I knew that my mom was talking to her through her connection and I also knew that she let my dad in on the process pretty early on too. I had no idea what the specifics were, but I knew that whatever it was – it was bad. My mom and dad both looked as exhausted as Sarah at the end of it, and at that moment, my dad was on the phone speaking to my grandparents in Alaska having a conversation I don't think any of us ever thought they'd have.

I stood off to the side, listening long enough to know what the arrangements being made were all about and then headed off to get showered and changed. I spent a little longer than usual in the shower, taking some time to let the warm spray roll down my shoulders and trying to relax my muscles and clear my head. I had a date and didn't want to let today's events bother me all night if I could avoid it. Ali was always more than understanding, but I hated that my sister's drama always seemed to cut in on our time together.

When I was done I headed back to my room, pulled on my favourite pair of button fly jeans, and layered a green polo shirt over a white t-shirt. I shook my head a bit at the fact that the large sized shirt was actually getting a bit small in the sleeves, even though I'd just gotten it last month. I checked my arms out in the mirror as I ran my fingers through my hair, attempting to tame it a bit. I was glad to see that they looked ok, for now. It wasn't like I was bulging out of the shirt yet, even though it was fitted to me pretty tightly. I would have had to borrow a shirt from my dad if this one didn't fit, and I didn't think he'd be in the mood for the interruption just then. I gave up on my hair shortly after. It was pretty wild most of the time, and Ali never seemed to mind that, so rather than give myself one more thing to stress about I decided that leaving it down and what Ali usually called 'tousled' was good enough.

I found my dad and younger brothers in the kitchen getting supper ready when I made my way downstairs. He looked up and caught my eye as I grabbed the keys for the small car Sarah and I shared off the hook on the wall, by the phone.

"Taking Ali out to dinner?" he asked as he gave Devin a red pepper to chop. Any other parent might have been a bit wary about giving an eight year old a sharp knife to use, but no one was ever worried about that kind of stuff with Devin. He took the pepper in his hands carefully and studied it a bit with a calm and serious expression, as if he was deciding the best approach to cut it up with. He was a really serious little kid – seemed to take after our great grandfather Carlisle in more ways than just having inherited the name as his middle one.

"Yep," I answered my dad back quietly as I turned to leave. I took all of five steps towards the door before I reconsidered and turned around.

"Do you want me stay home tonight?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't really want to. I was still feeling kind of stressed and was really looking forward to my plans with Ali, but if he needed my help with Sarah or my mom, I would stay. It was probably going to be a long night.

He looked up at me and smiled a bit as he dumped a box of pasta in the boiling pot of water on the stove with one hand, and grabbed a cutting board for Devin to use with the other.

"Chop it up on here Dev, or you'll mark up the countertops," he muttered to my brother, before leaving the boys in the kitchen and joining me in the hall.

He stood next to me with his arms crossed and looked me over, taking me in for a bit, before glancing down and smiling a half smile while shaking his head. I ducked my head and shrugged my shoulders. He'd noticed it too. I'd grown probably five or six inches in the last few months. No one in my family said anything about it, but I know they were all thinking the same thing that I was. Werewolves around these parts phased for the first time after a large and fast growth spurt, usually when they were upset or stressed. I fit into both of those categories lately. I wasn't the only one either. Jenna's older brother Michael, Ali's brother Andrew and Elijah had all been shooting up like weeds and filling out too. It seemed like me and everyone around me, were all just waiting for the scales to tip in that direction. We didn't really know how to explain it. It wasn't like the vampire presence around the res had increased, which was the usual catalyst for the change. As of last year my dad's pack adopted all of the wolves from Sam's because he'd stopped phasing to grow old with Emily. My dad had sent the guys out on wider patrols, but they hadn't managed to come up with anything besides the faint scents of a couple of nomads near the Port Angeles area last month.

"You should go. You've had a long day too, Will," he said glancing toward the stairs hinting at my sister and mom. He took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. "We'll need you around here tomorrow," he said with a frown. "But don't worry about us tonight. Just make sure that you have Ali back home by curfew this time. Your mother and I don't want another call from Sam and Emily at half-past eleven giving me grief about the two of you being half an hour late again, got it? I raised you to be more responsible than that."

He quirked a serious eyebrow at me and gave me a look that made it hard not to feel guilty for being late last time. We'd gone to the drive-in and the show got started late because of the weather. We lost track of time watching it, and well... doing other things that guys and girls do at the drive-in, and before we knew it we were late setting out on the road home.

"We were just watching a movie dad," I grumbled as I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. "And I _was_ being... responsible," I said quietly, alluding to the fact that Ali and I _hadn't_ been up to what our parents were worried we were doing. My dad was right. He and my mom had raised me to be respectful. Ali and I had kissed and made out, but we weren't sleeping together. We'd been dating for about six months, and I really liked her, but we hadn't done _that _yet. And even if we had, I would never take her to a place like the drive-in with those sorts of expectations. There were better places to be romantic with your girl than that.

My dad nodded, seeming like he believed me.

"Have fun," my dad said as I turned toward the door, "and Will?"

I turned back to look at him. His face had suddenly gone serious.

"Thank you for your help this afternoon. I know that wasn't easy, but you handled it like a man. You did right by both your mom and your sister. I'm proud of you."

I stood there for a minute, feeling kind of stunned. My dad's a man of few words and he doesn't waste his time saying things that he doesn't mean. He was thanking me because he was genuinely proud of me. I don't know if he realized it or not, but that was also the first time he'd ever referred to me as a _man_, not a kid. And I don't think I'd ever felt taller, prouder or more grown up in my entire life.

I swallowed back the lump of pride resting smack dab in the middle of my throat well enough to whisper my thanks and the headed out the door to pick up Ali. When I got there I listened to another warning from Sam about getting Ali home on time and made sure that I looked him in the eye when I swore I would, so that he'd believe me. Sam had always been really nice about letting us go out and hadn't given me a hard time about us seeing each other so much at a young age. He could have. Things were pretty serious between us. Ali and I were together more nights out of the week than not. I didn't want that to change, so I needed to make sure that he trusted me to take care of her and do as he asked.

"Daddy, stop giving Will a hard time," Ali said sweetly as she came down the stairs.

I smiled as I caught sight of her. We'd decided on the phone earlier just to get subs for dinner and take them down to the beach so she was dressed casually, but in true Ali style she was still beautiful. She was wearing my favourite skirt, a short, dark jean one that gave me a fantastic view of her long, gorgeous legs without being too skimpy. She had a grey hoodie over a dark blue t-shirt on top of the skirt, and she'd left her long black hair down over her shoulders. I always loved that she knew how to dress well without disrespecting herself in the process, like Jenna and some of the other girls did. She knew just how much skin to show off with that skirt, without giving every guy who glanced at her a free show – and trust me, there were always plenty of guys looking because my girl was gorgeous.

"Hey Will," Ali greeted softly after she'd hugged her dad.

"Hey," I said and smiled down at her as I took her small, soft hand in mine and intertwined our fingers. She tilted her head back as I gently pulled her to my side and smiled up at me. I looked into her dark brown eyes and smiled back as my whole world, and the stressful day I'd had, disappeared for a minute. _This _was why I needed to see her tonight. She had a way of making me forget everything else. When she smiled up at me like that, she made me feel like the only person in the whole entire world. Everyone else – my sister, my parents, my friends and all of their problems – seemed to melt away.

Sam cleared his throat and gave us one more quiet reminder about her eleven o'clock curfew before we left. I held her hand as I helped her into the car and took it again while I was driving to the sub shop. The drive was silent, but not uncomfortable. I was still trying to put the morning's events behind me, so I was distracted and not really paying attention to her like I should have been.

We made small talk about our friends and the start of school in a couple of weeks. I was a going into my senior year and Ali was starting her last year as a junior. She was only five and half months younger than me, but because she was born at the end of February she was a year farther behind in school. After we finished eating we sat on the sand together. My back was pressed up against a log and hers was pressed up against my chest as she sat between my legs. We were silent, just watching the waves as one of my hands played with the ends of her soft hair and the other sat with hers, our fingers laced together on her legs. It was really peaceful... just sitting with her with our bodies casually pressed together like that. I always felt warm and comfortable and calm when we touched. Ali was like a cup of cocoa on a cold day – sweet, familiar, soothing and, yeah, because I'm a guy, I won't deny that she was incredibly hot too. The sun had gone down a couple of hours ago and a nearly full moon lit up the sky enough for us to see around us. The air was warm and still. It was perfect, really. After the day I'd had I was really grateful to just sit there and _be_ with her.

"Will?" she said quietly after a while.

"Yeah," I responded just as quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed down my nose and ducked my head down to rest on her shoulder.

_God, this girl really gets me, _I thought as I took a deep breath and enjoyed her sweet floral scent mixed with smell of her clean cotton hoodie and fabric softener. She always smelled like spring roses and tangerines, just like she always seemed to know how to judge my mood without me telling her how I was feeling.

"No," I said and lifted my head to kiss the soft skin where her shoulder and neck met. I didn't want to talk about it. I felt like a bad brother thinking like that but it was true. I'd spent the better part of the last year dealing with Sarah and her problems. I didn't mind, she was my twin sister, I'd do whatever I could to help her. But I just wanted one night to myself before all the drama got started up again the next day. I wanted to forget about my sister and her problems for a little while.

"Okay," she said, softly squeezing my hand in hers on her lap at the same time, "but you know I'm here if you want to, right?"

I nodded and kissed her again, on her neck this time. I knew she'd be there. I had no doubt about that. She'd been there for me to rant about Sarah more times than I could count over the last six months. I loved that about her too. She had more patience than any one I'd ever met and she was always really understanding about how much things got to me when it came to Sarah. Having siblings was something she could relate to, but having a twin was a bit more intense than that. They were kind of like your other half, and for some strange and wonderful reason, Ali really got that about me and Sarah. She never questioned how strongly I felt about things when it came to Sarah and she never made me feel badly for it, even when it took up time and energy that should probably have been spent spending time with her and showing her how much I cared.

_Speaking of which..._ I thought as I gently kissed the soft line of her jaw, working my way towards her soft lips... _there's really no time like the present to start making up for that. Dad called me a man tonight. One thing my mom always taught me about being a man was that real men were honest with their feelings, and weren't afraid to show them, either. I think it's time to man up and tell my girl how I feel. _

I took a deep breath through my nose and kissed her soft lips gently with mine as I steeled my nerves. I knew I was way overdue in saying it, because I'd honestly felt this way about her for months. Things just always seemed to get in the way, and I could never really find the right moment to tell her. Part of me hoped that she already knew. I was kind of like my dad in the way that I felt like my actions spoke louder than my words ever could. And I'd been acting like she was the centre of my entire world for a while...

I opened my eyes and pulled back, just an inch or so. I nudged her nose softly with mine a few times until her large eyes fluttered open to stare into mine.

"I love you, Ali," I whispered into her lips, and watched as she blinked once in surprise and then her eyes lit up as a small smile graced her lips.

"I hope you know I love you, too," she whispered and then kissed me like she meant it. Her hands released mine and slid lightly up my ribs and over my shoulders as she turned to face me. She knelt between my knees in the sand as I wrapped my hands around her tiny waist and pulled her small, warm body flush with mine. Her lips were silky and warm and soft, like the velvety skin I could feel beneath the pad of my index fingers where they traced back and forth over the skin of her back in the gap between her shirt and the waist of her skirt.

I sighed into her mouth when we parted our lips and her tongue met mine. Her fingers found the collar of my shirt and rubbed the back of my neck lightly like they always did when we kissed like this. When the blood in my veins was warm and swirling around my body, I felt the energy between us rise. I leaned forward and laid her down softly on the sand before settling my body over hers and lightly grinding into her hip so she could feel just what she did to me. She wound her hips back at the same time as she snaked her hands up the front of my shirt. I kept one hand in her soft hair and let the other wander under her shirt too.

We made out like that in the sand, kissing, touching, grinding until both of us were getting pretty close to our breaking points. I stopped her when she reached for the fly of my jeans, though. It wasn't like we hadn't explored each other and touched under our clothes before, because we had. We'd pretty much done everything besides the actual _deed_ to be honest, but I knew it had to be close to ten thirty by then, and I'd have to get her home soon. I didn't like to rush things when we were together like that.

Ali pouted and I smirked at her disappointed face before checking my watch. I was right. It was ten thirty-seven, and we had to leave. As we stood up and brushed the sand off each other I realized that I wanted to see her the next day and knew that I wouldn't be able to. And I had to say, I was really fucking disappointed about it, especially since we both seemed like we'd want to finish what we started tonight.

"I wish I could see you tomorrow, but I can't," I said quietly, as I took her soft hand in mine and we started back towards the car.

"Oh," she said disappointedly. She looked over at me cautiously and continued. "What's up?" she asked.

I sighed and decided that it was better to tell her what was going on now, so that she'd be prepared if I was out of touch. for a couple of days.

"My sister's leaving tomorrow," I said feeling my gut twist a bit. I hated the idea of her needing to go so far away to sort herself out. "She's moving in with my grandparents in Alaska for a little while."

Ali sucked in a small gasp and squeezed my hand a bit in understanding.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

I shrugged and shook my head at the same time. I wasn't okay but I was kind of powerless to do anything about it at that point. My sister was leaving because it was what she needed to do for herself. I'd miss her something fierce, but I wasn't selfish enough to ask her to stay. She needed to put some space between herself and Elijah and Jenna.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and slid it out with my free hand. I felt my brows furrow in confusion as I looked at the name on the caller ID screen.

"What does my dad want?" Ali asked as she peered over at the screen. "We're not even running late yet."

I shrugged as I flipped the phone open and answered it.

"Hi, Mr. Uley."

"Will," Sam said sounding a bit relieved, "where are you?"

"Um, we were just at the beach, sir. We're getting in the car right now," I answered, feeling slightly confused over the obvious concern in his voice.

"Good. Get Alison back here as quickly as you can and then head straight home," he told me. His voice was laced with authority as he spoke. I didn't like it all. Not because I didn't think he should be giving me a direction. He was older than me and he was Ali's dad, so I respected his authority, but if Sam Uley was calling me at almost eleven at night telling me to bring his daughter home and get home myself it could only mean one thing.

Something was wrong.

I didn't bother asking him what it was because I knew that once I got home someone would fill me in on whatever I needed to know.

"Yes sir. I should have her home in about ten minutes," I said somewhat nervously. Ali's eyes widened at my tone and her expression was questioning.

I hung up while shaking my head and then quietly filled her in on the conversation I just had with her dad. I tried not to let my emotions show because I didn't want to scare Ali, but on the inside I was freaking the fuck out. Normally, _my_ dad would have been the one to make that call. He _should_ have been the one to make it. The fact that he hadn't been the one to do it really had me worried. There was only one thing that would prevent my dad from calling me if something was wrong – and it usually boiled down to the fact that he couldn't use a phone in wolf form.

After the day we'd had, something in my gut told me that I was right. Something big was going down and my dad was probably right in the middle of it. The only thing I could hope was that it was pack business, and not family business that had my dad running around in wolf form on a night when he should have been home with my mom, getting ready to say goodbye to my sister for a while.

**Elijah Clearwater POV**

_Elijah, what the hell happened?_ my dad asked frantically as I sat back on my haunches and shook violently.

I couldn't even come up with a coherent thought to answer him. I had haunches, four legs and fur for the first time in my life, and at that point, that was really the least of my problems. My mind was busy trying to reconcile just what the hell had happened over the last half hour of my life. My dad was busy racing toward where I was, while the rest of the pack was following their orders to head north east.

_Elijah, damn it, focus! What did you and Jenna see?_

_Jenna. I was with Jenna, _I thought distractedly, as images of her and I and our evening together flashed through my mind.

_No. Shit. NO. Why the _hell _was I ever _with_ Jenna?_

_She took your car home, by the way, _my dad answered tersely, obviously reacting to the images he'd just seen in my mind of Jenna and I in the back seat of my car... the same images that _she_ had seen just under an hour ago.

_Stupid fucking pack mind, _I muttered to myself_, _right before realization hit me like a ton of bricks_. _

_Shit. The _pack_ mind. I was hearing the _pack _mind and my _dad _could hear me. _

That could only mean one thing. My dad phased again for the first time in ten years, right after I phased for the first time ever – and I was willing to bet that we both did it for the same reason.

_Shit, shit, shit. _

My breath was coming forcefully and rapidly, making my chest tighten. I felt my fur stand on end as I prickled with anxiety and fear.

_I've done this. I fucked it all up. What the hell have I done? _

_We'll talk about _Jenna_ later, Elijah, _my dad said with heavy disapproval. _Sarah's what's important right now. Now focus. We need your help to find her before they get too far. _

At the mention of _her _name my entire body leapt into a frenzy of action. I was up on my feet in a flash, ready to dart out and chase the others at lightning speed to help them find her. I _needed_ to help them find her. I _needed_ to explain. I _needed_ her.

I growled loudly against the invisible restraints that Jake – my new Alpha, _Sarah's dad_ and a man that would probably hate me until the day I died for what I'd done to his only daughter – had placed on me the second he'd phased and had caught what little I could remember about the events of the night in my mind.

_You're going to stay right where you are until we find her, Elijah, _my father thought sternly,_ Jake's right. The best thing you can do for her is give us details about who the hell she ran off with a few minutes ago. That's the only way you can help her now._

My heart dropped into my stomach as it churned painfully. I knew they were both right, but the need to chase her was _so strong_. It was really difficult to ignore. She was all I could think about. The only thing I could see in my mind was her beautiful face frozen in a mass of pain and shock as she gasped at what she caught Jenna and I doing in the back seat of my car at the drive-in.

My stomach flipped and my blood ran ice cold at the memory of watching her heart break through the fogged up glass of the car windows.

_Elijah who did you see her with? _I heard Jake command in the back of my mind. The alpha tone in his voice left me no choice but to stop thinking about Sarah and focus on his question.

My mind immediately produced the picture of the half-vampire Sarah ran off with for everyone to see. He was tall, with olive toned skin that was just a few shades lighter than Sarah and Wills. He had short, dark hair and light blue eyes. But it was his other facial features that shocked all of us the most. The fact that he was distinctively native looking took everyone by surprise... except for the older members of the pack. They were beyond that. They were shocked. In my own mind I could see Jake, my dad, and Quil all produce pictures of the same girl in their minds accompanied by a name I'd heard before but couldn't place – Kaya.

_Who's Kaya? _I thought in reaction to the name.

_Did you see anyone else? _Jake commanded tersely. Internally he was running through a million questions in the back of his mind. All of them seemed to be related to the girl named Kaya, his wife Nessie, a dark vampire I'd never seen before and a small room with green tiled walls.

I didn't have any time to process what any of that meant because my mind was busy pulling up the face of the vampire I'd encountered as Sarah took off, the one-sided conversation we'd had, and the tense conversation we'd shared that had confused me.

At the sight of the face of the full vampire that had stopped me from chasing after Sarah my dad, Quil and Jake all growled, loudly.

_Jake, what the fuck? I thought the Volturi... _my dad began thinking before his thoughts and all of the other thoughts in the pack mind besides my own and Jake's were cut off abruptly.

_FUCKING _tell_ me what Adrian said, _Jake commanded, _NOW Elijah! _I had no idea how Jake even knew the vamp's name; he didn't share it with me. The only thing I was sure of was the fact that it was getting very clear that whatever had happened tonight was no coincidence or accident, and that Sarah had just run off with some very dangerous vampires...

The night's events began playing in my mind while I stood paralyzed on the spot, shaking with anger and now terror at the thought of Sarah being with these vampires that her dad and mine both obviously feared. The _entire_ night, from the time that Sarah approached my car, began playing back in my mind, like a horror movie in frighteningly realistic detail.

I remembered hearing Sarah gasp and looking up through the car window to see her face.

I was shocked to see her at first, and had no idea what she was doing there, but I knew from her expression that she was in more pain than I had ever seen her in, in our entire lives. No matter what had been going on between us over the past year, and despite what most people thought, I cared about her. She was my best friend for the first sixteen years of my life, and I didn't want to see her hurting like that. I knew that I'd already hurt her quite a bit by even dating Jenna in the first place, but her seeing us together like she had... that was so much worse.

"Elijah? What the hell are you doing?" Jenna asked as I leapt up and reached for my jeans.

"Jenna..." I said exasperatedly as I tugged them on, "I have to go after her. I can't let her run off without explaining things to her."

"What's there to explain?" Jenna asked indignantly. "You're with _me_. It's been almost a year. She needs to suck it up and get over it, Elijah. I told you that I don't like you talking to her about us and I meant it." I cringed a bit at the malice in her voice.

"Jesus Jenna, would you get a grip? You _know_ it's not that easy for her. I just..." I shook my head at Jenna's incredulous expression and wondered how she could be so cold. She wasn't the warm, fuzzy type, and I knew that she didn't like Sarah and felt threatened by my friendship with her, which is why I agreed to stay away from Sarah, even though I knew it would hurt her – but I didn't think Jenna would take it this far. This was just cruel.

"You know what?" I said angrily as I made my decision and I gripped the door handle. "Fuck it. _You're_ the one that's going to have to get over it this time, Jenna. I can't just let her go like that."

Without another word I tossed open the door and took off in Sarah's direction through the parking lot. She was jogging at a quick human speed, not wanting to draw attention to herself and her abilities in the middle of the Port Angeles drive in theatre, but she was approaching the surrounding trees at the back of the lot quickly. If I didn't catch up with her soon, she'd disappear into the trees, phase and bolt, and then I'd miss her.

I ran at top speed and called out her name.

"Sarah, wait!" I called out and saw her pace falter a bit at the sound of my voice. Her legs stumbled and her dark, curly hair flew back behind her with the force of her upper body jerking forward as her legs stopped. I sucked in a short gasp at the sight of that falter. It was the first time I saw what an effect I'd had on her after she... she... _bonded_ to me the way that she had. Just the sound of my voice asking her to wait for me was enough to make her seriously falter when logically, the only thing she should want to do is get as far away from me and what she'd just seen as possible.

She picked up her pace and in that moment I knew exactly what I had to do. She was mere feet from the tree line and if I didn't catch her within the next couple of seconds she was going to disappear and I would lose my chance to explain. I needed to explain, but more importantly than that, she needed to hear it. So, I swallowed thickly, and did the only thing I could think of to make her stop and turn around. I begged.

"Sarah, please. Please stop. We need to talk. _Please_."

She froze, her body skidding to a halt just at the edge of the trees. Tiny rocks clattered around her feet as she slid to a standstill. She didn't turn around. She didn't answer me. She didn't do anything but stand there with her tense shoulders heaving, her hands clamped into fists at her sides and her head hung low for a few moments.

"What do you want?" she asked quietly.

My own heart broke a bit at the sound of her voice. If she had been angry, I could have handled it. If she had yelled at me, I would have known how to respond. But she wasn't and she didn't. She was... her voice was just... so small and she sounded so vulnerable, I had no idea what to say. I had no idea just how much I'd hurt her and broken her with everything that I'd done over the past year until that exact moment.

And, Jesus Christ, did it ever hurt. I felt like an ass a million times bigger than I think anyone had ever felt. I'd been so selfish over the last year. And I knew it. I had no idea how _wrong_ I'd been until that moment, though. It hurt, _physically hurt_ me to cause her this much pain. It hurt ten times worse than leaving Jenna in the car to fend for herself a minute earlier. And I was supposed to be feeling more for Jenna. I _should_ have been feeling more for Jenna. It was what I'd wanted, wasn't it?

_Or was it_? At that moment, I knew that I really had no clue what the fuck I wanted. I just wanted the pain to stop; both mine and, more importantly at that point, Sarah's.

She was shaking from head to toe as she waited for my answer. I was shocked when I heard her breath hitch, revealing that she was crying. Suddenly, I'd had enough of everything. Sarah doesn't cry in front of people... but _I'd_ made her do it. And I was willing to bet that it wasn't the first time, either. I'd turned sassy, happy, easy going Sarah Black into _this_. I was supposed to be her best friend. What the fuck had I done?

I must have taken too long to answer her, because she asked again, this time only in a whisper through her silent tears.

"What do you want, Elijah?" she asked, nearly begging, like I had a moment ago. "Just tell me, please. I can't... just... please. Tell me what you need."

"I... I..." I fumbled. What the fuck _did_ I want? She was standing there asking me what I wanted and I knew without a doubt that whatever I told her she would do, say or give me... but the only thing I could think of was that I wanted to apologize. So I did.

"I'm so sorry," I said quietly, sheepishly. I felt like a jerk. I didn't know what else to say. How was I supposed to tell her that I wanted the one thing that she obviously couldn't give me anymore? I wanted _time_. I wanted _not_ to have been imprinted on by my best friend at the age of sixteen, so we could just have fun, and grow up free from the heaviness that always seemed to come from those tight bonds until we were older. I wanted to be able to decide who my first kiss was going to be with, who I took to prom, who my first _time_ was going to be with – without having 'fate' make that decision for me. I wanted my decisions to be _mine_, not a reaction to how Sarah felt about me. I knew, from seeing my parents and all of the other imprinted couples around the res over the years, that resisting the bond of the person who was tied to you was nearly impossible. So I'd done the best I could to avoid being around her, so that I could get some of that time I felt like I desperately needed. I'd panicked when I realized that she'd imprinted that night just under a year ago. Something in me just wasn't... _ready_ for that.

"Sorry for what?" Sarah asked quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts. "When we spoke for the last time almost a year ago you told me you needed time and space. I gave you that. I was about to give you even more..." She trailed off leaving her thought unfinished.

"What?" I asked, confused by the sombre tone in her voice. What did she mean about giving me 'more'?

"I'm leaving," she whispered into the night air, shuddering a bit under her skin as if the thought was somehow repulsive to her. But her voice sounded resigned. Repulsed or not, whatever she was telling me, she was definitely going to do it. "I came here with a couple of friends tonight because it's my last night in La Push. I didn't know you were going to be here. I'm leaving for Alaska in the morning. I'm going to live with Nana Bella and Papa Edward for a while."

"What?" I had no idea what to even think about that. She was leaving for Alaska because I'd pushed her away. She was going to leave her entire family, school and all of her friends behind because I had asked her for time and space. This was wrong. I had no idea why she would do that. I didn't need or want her to change her entire life like that because of me. It was the _opposite_ of what I wanted. I just wanted us to live our lives a little bit longer, the way they were, before throwing our whole lives out the window because of an imprint. But that was exactly what she was doing. She was throwing it all away...

"Sarah... I... you don't have to-"

"Yes I do."

"No," I said, shocked at the determined tone of her voice. What the hell was she thinking? And her whole family was okay with that? I couldn't imagine them being okay with her leaving the way she was. "You don't have to do this, Sarah. I-"

"It's too hard, Elijah," she breathed out. She'd never admitted anything about how it felt for her to me before. The last time we talked, when I asked for space, she told me she could handle it. She swore nothing would change for me if I didn't want it to.

And she'd kept to her word about that. But at what cost? I had a feeling that I was about to find out.

I was stunned. I waited.

At that moment, she slowly turned around to face me. My jaw dropped at the sight of her. I had been so busy avoiding her and trying to live my own life over the last year that I'd really missed everything that all of this was doing to her. She was thin, her eyes had dark circles under them, and she was tired. Her jaw was set and I could see that she was trying to maintain a neutral expression when she talked to me about this – for the first time I really _got_ how she'd been trying to hide her pain. Nothing in my life could ever measure up to the sorrow and guilt I felt at the moment. I was responsible for her pain – not her. She'd had her heart crushed, and I was at fault. She didn't ask for what had happened any more than I did, but she had been the one dealing with it. It was obvious at that moment that she was absolutely torn apart.

"Holy shit," I whispered, "Sar...".

Her face crumpled and she shook her head and took a step away from me for reasons that I didn't understand.

"It's going to be hard for you too, now, Elijah. And I don't want that. I don't want to burden you with this. I-"

She stopped, closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath, before letting it out slowly and shakily. When she opened her eyes, they were a blazing, bright green and were filled with both pain and determination so strong that she took my breath way.

"If she's what you need then I need to get out of the way and let you two be. I won't come between you, but I can't –." She faltered and hiccoughed through an obvious lump in her throat. "I can't stand around and _watch_. I can't. Please... don't ask me to, Elijah. I'll stay if that's what you want, but... I..." she stopped and looked down. Suddenly her fire and fight were gone and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Please just tell me what you want."

She wrapped her arms around her waist and waited for me to answer. I was busy trying to get over my shock at what I'd felt and witnessed with her over the last few moments and couldn't find my voice.

I realized after hearing her and finally seeing her pain that I did know what I wanted and what I didn't want. I wanted my best friend back. I wanted to stop her pain, and I _didn't_ want her to leave. There was nothing like holding someone's fate in your hands to bitch-slap you back into reality from being a selfish prick and make you grow up – _fast_. I'd hurt her enough by being selfish and immature. I'd had my freedom and fun over the last year, but that's all it was; just me, exercising my right to be a free agent and a complete _asshole_... and nothing more. I cared about Jenna, but I didn't love her. She didn't love me either. I doubted that love was what being with me was ever about for Jenna. She just wanted to have fun and rub our relationship in Sarah's face – no matter how hard I tried to stop her from doing that when she tried, she still managed to sometimes.

I had to do what I could to make this right. No matter how much I valued my freedom, it was coming at way too high a price. Sarah had hidden that from me up until now. But seeing it out in the open like this – seeing her so raw and broken – I saw exactly what my freedom was costing her. And I hated myself for it.

Before I had a chance to speak, I heard rocks shuffling under heeled shoes in the distance. I didn't have to turn my head to the side to know who was approaching. And she couldn't have chosen a worse time...

I closed my eyes and shook my head in frustration and sucked in a deep breath, determined to do what I could to stop her from approaching us. I needed to talk to her too, but now was not the time. I couldn't let her hurt Sarah again, and I had no doubt she would find every way possible to do just that.

"Jenna," I stated quietly, preparing to ask her to head back to the car without so much as a word. But at the sound of a pained gasp from Sarah's mouth, I realized I'd chosen the wrong way to start.

My eyes flew open just in time to see Sarah the vampire bolt off into the trees in a blur of white.

She thought I was saying 'Jenna' because I was choosing her.

She took off.

She was going to leave.

She was in enough pain to phase in less than a second without warning and _I_ had done that to her.

I had no words for the amount of pain I felt at being responsible for that. It crushed my heart like a wrecking ball straight to the chest and suddenly I was the one shaking from the force of it all.

I stumbled into the trees, looking around in vain, trying to find out where she went. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch her, but I didn't think I could live with myself if I didn't at least try.

"Elijah?" I heard Jenna call out behind me. She was confused... and annoyed. As usual.

"Go back to the car, Jenna," I spat out as I spotted a set of disturbed sticks and leaves to my right and guessed that Sara might have gone in that direction.

"So what?" She said as she approached where I was. "You're just going to chase after her? What the fuck, Elijah? Were you just going to leave me there, half naked in the back of your car all night, waiting for you to come back?"

A small wave of even more guilt washed over me. I didn't like leaving her the way that I did. And it was rude of me to make her wait while I did this. I reached into my pocket and tossed her my keys.

"Go home, Jenna. Take the car. I'll call you tomorrow," I said quietly, and turned on my heel to head off after Sarah.

"You fucking bastard," she spat at me. "You're just going to leave me on my own so you can chase after the poor little imprinted half-breed leech? When are you going to smarten up and realize that she's not worth sniffing the ground _we_ walk on, Elijah?"

My blood boiled in my skin and I felt my body begin to shake violently at hearing Jenna's snide tone and derogatory words. She knew better than to talk like that around me. She knew I didn't tolerate it. The Black's were different, but that didn't make them bad people, or less than any of us. Mixed species, or blood, or not, they were people, just like us. She had no right to imply anything different.

"Shut _up_ and _go home_, Jenna!" I yelled loudly and began backing up. I was on fire, and shaking from head to toe, but I didn't really give a shit because this was taking too long and I had to go find Sarah.

"Whatever. I'm out of here. You go chase after your bitch of a leech. See if I care."

And that was all it took.

I felt the change rip through me in an instant. It started at the base of my spine and tore up and out and in no time, I was a sandy coloured wolf, with fur just slightly darker than my dad's had been.

I heard the confused voices of Quil and the other, younger wolves who were on patrol that night as I sat there in a daze.

Quil was busy asking me what the hell happened and where I was. At the thought of what happened I heard Quil swear loudly and it snapped me out of my stupor. I leapt up onto my feet to chase Sarah. It wasn't hard to follow her after that. I caught her vanilla and peach scent in an instant and took off after it in a run. I completely ignored Quil's requests for me to stop and tell him where I was so he could chase Sarah instead. I had caused the problem, I had to be man enough to fix it.

I slowed my run to a cautious walk when I heard Sarah's voice just up ahead. I inhaled instinctively, wanting to know the scent of whoever she was talking to because I couldn't see them yet, and then growled at the unfamiliar and distinctly half-vampire scent that lingered in the air.

Quil was already howling off in the distance signalling for Jake and the others, while I was doing my best to contain my growl. I didn't want to approach or alert them to my presence yet before I knew what I was dealing with. I was new to the whole wolf thing and wasn't sure I'd know how to fight if I needed to. I decided to get as close as I could and assess the situation before intervening. The last thing I wanted to do was cause a problem and end up getting Sarah physically hurt after everything else I had done to her.

I got five steps closer before I was able to spy on them off in the distance. They were talking. Her back was to me, but she didn't look scared or hurt and he didn't look threatening, but that didn't mean anything. I tried my hardest to hear what they were saying but at that moment the others in the pack started to phase and their thoughts were flooding my mind. It was confusing. There were easily thirteen or fourteen people's thoughts swilling around in my head, when usually there was only one – mine.

Less than a second later I saw Sarah sigh and look down silently as if she was making a decision while the half-vamp stared at her and waited. Everything happened quickly after that. She peered over her shoulder in my direction and I saw her face.

I saw her face, and _everything _changed.

Everything got worse and better all at the same time.

I huffed out a breath and felt almost dizzy with the force of the bond that was drawing us together. _She was right. I was hers. She was mine. It was always meant to be._

She must not have seen me, though, because the next thing I knew, as I sat there and tried to deal with just what the fuck was happening to me, she nodded and they took off in a run. I panicked and started after her immediately, but was distracted by the distinct sound of someone flying through the trees behind us. I knew it wasn't one of the wolves, I could see in their thoughts that none of them were close enough to us for it to be them. That meant that whoever was approaching us could only be one thing.

I immediately shifted around and growled loudly at the incoming threat. I didn't know much beyond the fact that there was no way, _just no way in hell_, whoever that vampire happened to be was going to get one step closer to Sarah.

I wanted to lunge at the figure as soon as my eyes caught it, but I couldn't. I was frozen on the spot, unable to leap, walk or move in his direction in any way. I heard Quil telling me to stop fighting it and just hold on and stay still until he could get back-up there for me. He told me not to do anything to piss the vampire off. And stupidly, I listened.

"I'm not here to hurt you," he said smoothly. "My son was just here visiting his mother," he said cryptically.

He shifted in the trees. He was mostly hidden. I was trying my best to get a good look at his face. But I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. The only full vampires I knew of that had a child were Edward and Bella.

"You look confused," he said with a chuckle. "Well, let me enlighten you. You can feel free to share what I tell you with the others. I'm sure they'll be dying to know."

He shifted minutely, craning his neck behind the dark leaves just enough for me to catch about half of his profile, before returning to his original position.

"His mother was a... _donor_ of sorts, who provided us with a great harvest years ago. We've been very fortunate with the outcome. Her _donation _provided us with what we needed to breed a few remarkable creatures. The boy you saw has two sisters as well." He cocked his head to the side just as I heard Quil's paws hitting the ground lightly in the distance.

He sighed.

"Tell your _leader _that the Volturi have something that is of importance to him," he said quietly, and then with a smooth back flip off the branch he had been perched on, he was gone.

The air around me was almost completely silent and still as the pack ingested what I had told them. It was an eerie sort of calm, but the feeling of apprehension I felt, was nothing compared to the feelings of absolute fear and anger that were coursing through the pack mind. Most of it was coming from directly from our leader, Jacob Black.

No one dared say or think a word. I didn't even know if we could. The only thing I did know was that I had fucked everything up, and I felt like I was going to go insane if I didn't fix it.

I didn't need to be a genius to figure out what my selfishness had cost.

The chief's only daughter – and the only girl I would ever want or need – had unknowingly given herself over to some very dangerous vampires, because I'd hurt her so much that she could no longer stand to be around me.

They were going to take her to the _Volturi_, who had no idea about what she was or what she was capable of, but once they found out...

I shuddered.

The thought of them getting their hands on her terrified me worse than if someone had just threatened my own life.

_What have I done?_

_What the _fuck_ have I done?_

* * *

***sighs***

**Wicked Games... game **_**not quite**_** over.**

**I have so many things to say that I feel like I can't be eloquent with them, so I'll just blurt them out here in dribs and drabs for you to digest at your own pace.**

_**To begin with good news**_** – Jake from Wicked Games has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for Best Jacob! If you loved Jake and you'd like to give him your vote, go here to do so:**

**http : / thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com / p / voting . html**

**Now... on to the rest of my very long, very last A/N.**

**First of all... ****THANK YOU****. ****Yes YOU, my lovley reader****, on your desktop, laptop, phone, iPad, Playbook or any other electronic device. THANK YOU for reading this all the way through to it's (non)end. Every read and every review is appreciated and valued. **

**To my lovely reviewers... I don't even know what to say. Each and every one of you have said something that has effected me and will stick with me. Some of you made me laugh, some of you made me blush, ALL of you made me feel like I've been writing for a purpose. Let there be no doubt in your minds... your words kept this author afloat during some rough times. I love all of you. **

_**To shepeppy, my best friend and beta extraordinaire**_**. You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for all of your hard work, time and especially your understanding. I could NEVER have done this without you. **

_**To Beautiful Distraction**_**. Thank you for taking on Wicked Games when others gave up or were not willing to give it a chance. I appreciate every piece of advice you've given me and hope that you know how much I value your commitment to this fic. **

**Many of you have requested a **_**sequel**_**. I'm very flattered and excited at the thought of it. At this point I need to take a bit of a break and focus on Lost Together for a little while... but... a sequel is a possibility. Like I said in response to many reviews from the last chapter, I would be willing to write one if people are willing to read and review it ;-) I meant that. So... if the demand is there, it's definitely a possibility.**

**I'm already considering writing a Sarah POV of this chapter for an upcoming fundraiser. If that's something you're interested in, please let me know. **

**I'm on twitter at (at)Hitchy_ (the underscore at the end is necessary). If I decide to post an outtake, a Sarah POV or a sequel of any sort I'll be announcing it on there. Or... you could just pop on to say hi! I'm going to miss hearing from all of you!**

**You can also add me to your favourite author's on this site, or Twilighted. If I write anything related to this fic I will definitely post it on Fanfiction & Twilighted (pending approval, of course).**

**Well, my lovelies... that's it.**

**As always, drop a line to let me know what you think. **

_**It has truly been **__**my**__** pleasure.**_

**~Hitchy**


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